trying to get back on schedule
so here's a double update
(idk why this book got so horny)
(it's not my fault)

—

Lee did not seem impressed when I flaunted back into the restaurant with my cheeks cherry red and chugged the beer he'd retrieved for me, then apologized and left.

I should have felt bad, but I didn't. My legs weren't even moving, I was floating. I bundled up, said, "Happy New Year," to my manager who was already drunk, and didn't look back. Dallas was in the same spot that I left him waiting outside, a permanent twinkle in his eye when I approached.

"I thought you might have changed your mind already."

Though his words were a tad pointed, I just shook my head and smiled before grabbing his shirt and pulling him towards me. Our lips met in a closed-lipped embrace and Dallas melted into me immediately. I pulled away and said, "Not this time, cowboy," making him laugh out into the streets.

"Where are we going?" he asked while we stood outside of my job.

"My place," I said and then a thought struck me. "Speaking of cowboys, do you remember at the beach house when you said you were a modern day Heath Ledger and I said, 'but you're not a gay cowboy,' and you said, 'well, I'm not a cowboy?' What the fuck was that?"

Dallas stared at me blankly. "I never said that."

"Yes, you fucking did," I said, laughter erupting from my chest as I recalled the conversation like it was yesterday. He followed me to my car, where he oh-so-conveniently parked right next to me. "You're such a weird flirter!"

"It's not like you made it easy!" Dallas exclaimed as he slid into the passenger's seat. "I literally could not figure out what you thought of me. I still can't."

Good point.

He played with my hand on the way to my apartment. I couldn't stop the butterflies from fluttering all along my stomach. This was the first time in a long time that I felt so good about being with Dallas. Don't ask what changed. I do not fucking know.

We all but ran to my front door and I fumbled with the keys to unlock it, but we made it out of the cold eventually. I took off my coats and pullover until I was left in my disgusting work T-shirt, hanging them up for once even though I'd usually throw them in a heap on the couch.

The place was a mess since I wasn't expecting company. I thought about attempting to straighten up, but figured it wasn't worth it. I glanced at Dallas while he took off his shoes and coat, looking around the place with curious eyes. It wasn't a big place and I wasn't much of an interior decorator. Everything on my walls, I found discounted at Target or stole from my mom when she wasn't paying attention.

"So this is where Thomas hides when he doesn't want to face his feelings," Dallas whistled and I gave him an unimpressed look. "This is cute. Very you." Messy and from the clearance section? Checks out.

I excused myself to take a shower and told him to make himself at home. When I was under the water, a giddy feeling kept sending happy chills over my body. He was here, in my home, waiting for me to go back out there and surrender myself to him. I think I was ready to. This was the last time he'd have to come find me and beg me to love him back.

After all, I was tired of running. I was tired of hiding. I was tired of sweating the trivial decisions like who I should kiss at midnight because he was the one that I wanted. I was tired of him being the first thing on my mind when I woke up and the last before I went to sleep. And I  was tired of sitting in the shower overthinking what could be with the man that was sitting outside the door of my bathroom, just waiting for me to claim my man.

When I walked out into the living room in a clean set of clothes, Dallas was sitting on one end of the couch and Nelly Furtado was on the other. She looked at me desperately as if to say, Who the fuck is this?

I sat down between them. "I don't think she likes me," Dallas said, peering around me at my cat. She did the same, but took a few tentative steps towards me to sit half on my lap.

"She doesn't like anybody," I said honestly.

"I'll buy her love next time."

He reached over and scratched her head. Nelly Furtado had a three-pet-limit, meaning he was on thin ice and she'd attack soon. I watched in amusement, Dallas's careful touches and my angel cat's warning glare.

Instead of showing him who's boss, Nelly Furtado took off for the kitchen where her food bowl was. I faced Dallas and he smiled at me. I leaned in and kissed him like I had to make up for lost time, fast but slow, demanding but patient, wanting but needing. He kept up exceptionally well, always knowing exactly what I was trying to say with my affection.

I moved onto his lap, my arms around his neck as I savored his taste. Dallas's hands found my waist and he pulled me closer, closer, even though we couldn't be if we tried.

"I need to ask you something," he said, breaking our kiss while my lips found his chin and eventually his neck. "Hold on, mm, look at me, baby."

To my dismay, I pulled away to look him in the eye. Chills ran down my spine like a tuned xylophone. I couldn't help but steal one more chaste kiss on his lips. "Yes?"

Dallas looked hesitant. I never saw him like that. He always exuded a confidence that inspired me, made me want to be more like him. For him to be nervous about something like this, it made me nervous. He reached up and twirled a piece of my wet hair around his finger, making a water droplet fall on my cheek.

"I don't know if you're drunk or if you just changed your mind or what, but . . . I can't handle any more rejection. If we're just gonna fuck and you're going to wig out and reject me in the morning, I need to know now."

My lips parted in discomfort. "I'm not drunk."

Dallas stared at me. "Okay."

"I want to fix things," I frowned. "And I won't freak out in the morning. I know that me saying that doesn't really mean much, but . . . I'm sick of pretending like I don't want you, because I do."

"Be mine," Dallas whispered. "Just be mine already. I've tried to give up on you, but how can I when I'm completely addicted?"

He wasn't allowed to be this poetic. But I knew exactly how he felt. It was an obsession, ever since that summer. No matter what I did, who I fucked, what I'd use to try numb the sadness that overcame me after I came back home from Florida. Dallas, as a whole, as a person, was always in the back of my mind.

He was the reason for the goosebumps that covered my skin anytime someone vaguely the same height and build with blonde hair came into the restaurant. Or for the memories that came in white flashes when my fingers brushed the bathing suit I wore when we swam in the ocean and had our first kiss, buried in my drawer. He was everything and nothing and I wanted him under my skin, in my mouth and through my bloodstream.

I was in love with him.

"What exactly would it mean to 'be yours'?" I asked, trying to take a less serious turn on the conversation.

Dallas caught on and ran with it. "Well," he began, taking a deep breath before placing a kiss on my cheek, "for one, we'd surprise the hell out of Phoebe and Erick." I giggled under my breath and placed my hands on his shoulders. "We could see each other on days that aren't holidays, maybe?" Another kiss on my other cheek. "I could take you out, or keep you in, whatever we want." Forehead.

I leaned into his kisses. The warmth was intoxicating. "What else?"

"I could call you, I don't know, my boyfriend?" he said, putting a few inches between us to examine my reaction. I licked my lips and tried not to smile, but failed. "And we could be—stay with me, I know this is a crazy concept—happy together."

"That sounds pretty good, but what's in it for me? Do I get to call you my boyfriend or is it just a one-sided thing?"

Dallas rolled his eyes. "You can call me Master."

I couldn't stop myself from throwing my head back in laughter. "You're so stupid," I grinned before connecting our lips once again. He flattened his palms against my thighs and squeezed, our tongues relearning the movements we once knew. I pulled away and put both hands on either side of his jaw. "Alright, Master. What's our first order of business?"

A familiar mischievous gleam in his eye took over as he glanced back down to my lips then back up again. "I've got a special request for you tonight, boyfriend," he teased, making my whole body heat up at the word. Boyfriend.

"Oh, yeah?"

He dipped his head until his lips were next to my ear. I felt his hands slide up on my thighs until his thumbs were dangerously close to my cock. I sucked a breath in as he whispered, "I'd like you to fuck me tonight."