Day 3.8 Fear - NOT GOING TO DIE Jennifer_L_Oliver

This is THE stupidest idea I've ever had.

Well, there was that one time... No, no, that still doesn't beat this. My teeth chatter so hard I'm sure I'm going to chip one. Or all of them.

"Ss-so ss-stupid!!" I say it aloud. Not that anyone can hear me. But maybe if I give voice to my frustration it will help keep my blood pumping. Keep me warm. Keep me walking, at least.

If only I could've made it to Syracuse before the snowstorm hit. But no. That's not how my luck runs. Instead, detours took me and several other travelers to the middle of nowhere. I had no clue where I was, much less where I was heading.

After the car in front of me lost control, hit the railing and flipped over to block the road, we were all stuck. We couldn't move the vehicle, and no one had cell service. Waiting in the car wasn't an option either. Not after that truck came.

We thought they were there to help. You always hear how humanity comes together in times of crisis. Not this time. No, the dregs of the human race were what found us. These guys were like snow pirates, taking advantage of an opportunity to pillage and plunder. They pulled up in their big jacked-up truck with chains on the tires. Then proceeded to rob everyone at gunpoint. It was dumb luck I wasn't right there with the others. I'd been headed to my car to warm up. And when the guns came out, I ducked down. They demanded wallets, jewelry, cell phones. It took everything I had to not scream when I heard the shots ring out, the thump of the bodies hitting the snow.

After the truck left, taking the murdering pirates with it, I sat in the snow for... I don't know how long. Tears had frozen in tracks down my cheeks. I was in shock but had enough logic left in my brain to get back in my car. I cried and cursed and cried some more. I think I may have even slept for a bit. Then I noticed the car had run out of gas. That meant no more heat. I wasn't about to wait for more pirates to find me. Better to find shelter. So I took off on foot. And now here I am, in snow up to my knees.

I shiver. One of those whole body shakes that starts in the middle and travels to my toes and my head simultaneously. It knocks me off balance. I stumble and sidestep. Then lose my footing completely and go face first into the wet sticky snow. But I don't stop there. I roll and slide, then roll some more. My head smacks something hard and I see stars. Never knew that was a real thing until now.

I finally come to a stop, but I don't move. I'm in that moment where I don't feel a thing. You know the one that happens right before excruciating pain radiates throughout every part of your body. Yeah, I'm just going to lay here. But if I don't move soon, I'll freeze to death.

Then it hits. Throbbing, pounding. Like my head is a bass drum for some reggae band. And what's that... warmth down the side of my face? I find the energy to move my gloved hand to the spot. It comes away bloodied.

Lovely. Just what I need to make this trek even better - a cracked head. I sigh. I'm so tired. I don't know how long I've been walking and I've no idea where I'm going. I'm freaking numb from the cold, the sun has gone down, and my cell has no signal. No one knows I'm out here. And I'm just tired.

No. No. NO! I can't sleep. I am so not dying in a blizzard. Not gonna happen. I have to get up, keep going. I'll find a store or something. There will be people there and they'll help me.

I roll over and push myself up. Fireworks go off behind my eyes and I groan. I stand, breathe. In and out. In and out. Squinting against the frigid wind, I adjust my scarf and hood again, and then brave a step forward. All good so far. Either I didn't hurt anything else or I'm too cold to realize it.

I try to get a sense of my surroundings, but all I see is white. The snow is coming down hard and fast. I'm stuck in a whiteout outside a city I've never been before, with a bleeding head, and most likely a concussion considering I believe I just fell down the side of an overpass.

God, I'm never again visiting a place where it snows. Ever.

"Sure, Greg, I'll meet everyone in Syracuse. I'll get a rental and drive. It'll be fun." I let out a harsh laugh. "The weatherman said to expect nothing but flurries. I can drive in that."

Yep, definitely the stupidest idea I've ever had.

I let my frustration fuel me forward. One foot in front of the other, head down, face as deep in my scarf and coat collar as possible. I walk like this for what seems like forever. My vision is blurry. I don't know if it's because of the concussion or the wind and snow. And I think I'm hallucinating, because there seems to be lumps ahead. It looks like... igloos covered in snow? No, that's not right. I'm not that far north. It doesn't get that cold in Syracuse. Does it? My heart beats a little faster as I draw closer to one. I reach out and rub the snow away. It's a car!

With both hands I push the snow off the window and the door. Maybe it's unlocked. Maybe it will be full of gas. Maybe I can crawl inside and rest. I find the handle and pull. No luck. I try the other doors, but they're locked too. So I try another vehicle, and another. There's got to be one that's unlocked!

I rush to the next one. With both hands I shove the snow away and reach for the handle. I hear it unlatch. Yes, finally! I pull and tug to no avail. It's stuck. The snow is blocking it. I dig through the knee-high snow but it keeps falling back around the door. Eventually I manage to make enough room for it to open.

My hands are so cold they hurt as I tug the handle again. The door creaks open. And out falls a body.

My shriek is muffled by my scarf as I fall back onto my butt into the snow. It's a man. His skin is blue, his lips are cracked, and his eyes are frozen open. But it's the ragged hole in his forehead that has my stomach turning. I can't stop staring. He's just hanging there, half in his seat, half in the snow. I can barely breathe.

What happened to him? Is that a gunshot? Did those guys in the truck kill this man too? Is this what's going to happen to me? Am I going to end up like this? I don't want to die! Not like this. I want to be old and wrinkled and surrounded by family and friends. Not freeze in some freak snowstorm, or shot by some crazy pirates.

I shake my head, making pain shoot through my temples and behind my eyes. I moan and grab my head. My hand touches the place where I banged it earlier, and a new warmth slides slowly down my face.

I'm bleeding. That's okay, though. It means I'm alive. Not like this poor chap in front of me. I still have a chance.

I stand up and look around again. Snow covered vehicles surround me. A parking lot. That means there's a building nearby. I move to the end of the car and look both ways. There are more snowy lumps to the right, which means more vehicles parked there. Mayhap to get closer to the entrance? I feel hope rise in my chest.

I climb through the snow. It's coming down even harder now, and I'm having trouble keeping it out of my eyes. Just a little farther. Keep going.

There! I can barely see it, but it's there. I try my best to run in almost waist-high snow on numb legs and feet. Tears of relief burn in my eyes, but I can't cry now. My lids would freeze shut.

I look up at the monstrous building. A mall. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see a mall.

I move along the side, looking for some way to get in. Then my foot bumps something and I trip, landing on my hands and knees. A burning sensation sears my skin. On the bright side, it makes me forget my headache. And for a moment I don't even feel how cold it is anymore. But not for long.

I roll to sit on my butt, wet snow seeping further into my pants, and I assess the damage. My jeans are torn, and my knee is bleeding from a nasty scrape. I let out another sigh. I'm so tired. I don't want to move. But I have to get inside. I refuse to freeze to death when I'm this close to shelter. Screw Elsa. I am not letting it go. I'm going to get inside that mall.

I start to push myself up when I see what caused my fall. Nausea rises as I realize I tripped over a woman's body. I scramble away, but not before I see the blood stains marring the dead woman's coat. Shot. She'd been shot. Holy shit. What is going on? I've got to get away from here. But there's no way I'd last in the snow much longer.

My thoughts race to formulate a plan while I push myself up. I'll get in the mall. I'll rest. And then at daybreak, when it's warmer, I'll try again. Yes, that will work. It has to. Because right now, I have no other choice.

I walk around the building until I find a door. The awning overhead has fallen from the weight of the snow. I struggle to move it; I can barely move my fingers. God, I hope I don't have frost bite. What will I do if I lose my fingers? I won't be able to type, write, or even hold on to a book! Fear hardens in the pit of my stomach. No. I can't think about that right now. I'm going to get inside, dammit.

I grab the handle and turn it. Locked.

I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to throw something. I bang on the door over and over again. I yell out for help but no one answers. I look behind me to the parking lot. I can't see more than five feet in front of me. My tracks are long covered by the heavy flakes still flowing from the sky.

"Why? Why can't I just get inside?" I scream to the heavens. "Please!"

I take the new found adrenaline from my anger and push forward. There's got to be an entrance way somewhere. I can't have missed it. If I have to, I'll walk around the whole freaking mall to find it.

I stumble a few more times but I catch myself. I'm so tired. My head is pounding and my vision is crap. I'm exhausted. I don't want to freeze to death but I'm not sure how much further I can go. And that's when I see it: The main entrance.

I trudge to it through the snow as fast as possible. There's a glass enclosure leading to the inside doors. But the glass doors don't budge when I try to open them. They can't be locked, can they? Mayhap they're just frozen shut. I give it my all and shove them with every ounce of weight I have. They resist. I do it again. This time I hear cracking, and before I register what's happening, I'm falling through broken glass.

I land with a hard thud just inside the doorway. I'm sure glass has penetrated my coat, pants, and parts of my skin, but I'm too cold to feel it. And honestly, I'm too grateful to be inside to care. I scramble to my feet and limp my way to the next set of doors. Thankfully, these open with ease.

I'm not sure what I was expecting but I'm sure it wasn't this. Three men stand in front of me, each with a gun aimed right at me. A voice whispers in my head that I should be scared. That I should run. That these are the crazy men from the truck. But this is the first time in I don't even know how long that I'm not in snow. My body is worn out, and so is my mind. I sink to the floor in tears.

The men look at each other. Confusion all over their faces. What do they do with the bloodied, broken crying woman who just walked in and fell on the floor?

"Get up," one of them commands.

I look up at them. The one in the middle seems to be the one who spoke since the other two keep glancing at him and then back to me. I blink, too tired for anything else. I shake my head in attempt to clear it. Huge mistake. Fireworks light off behind my eyes, and my vision blurs.

I must have fallen over because suddenly one of the guys is standing over me pulling me up by my arm. I want to struggle but I'm too tired. Besides, my deadweight will slow him down some.

"Bring her to the table. We'll search her there," their leader says.

My heart races. Oh, God. They're going to search me for valuables then kill me like they did the others. No! They can't. I don't want to die. This isn't how I'm supposed to end!

I'm lifted in the air then, about to be tossed over this man's shoulder like a bag of potatoes, when something in my mind... snaps.

I. Am. Not. Going. To. Die.

With all my strength, I knee him in the gut. I land on my feet as he doubles over. But I don't run. I grab a handful of hair, rear my leg back and slam his head into my oncoming knee. Next, my elbow connects with the back of his head. He's down, but not for long. I yank his gun from him as he reaches for me. He misses and is off balance. So I move around behind him. I point the weapon at his upper back and pull the trigger. Standing this close to him, I watch as his chest explodes outward.

The other two turn back toward me, their guns raised. I take aim at closest one and fire. Another one down. Their leader dives for cover, knocking a table over to hide behind it. But it won't do him any good. At this point, I'm G.I. Jenn on a mission and I'm going to take him out. He's firing at me but his shots are wild. He's not looking, just firing. I finally make it to the table and let the bullets fly. They go right through the plastic, and by the grunts I hear I know at least one or two made their mark. Suddenly, there are no more bullets, just click, click, click. I'm out of ammo.

I know it, and now he knows it too. He stands and points his gun right at me. A sneer shows through the blood on his face. He looks right into my eyes. I should be scared. I should be running, finding cover. But instead I face him.

"I. Am. Not. Going. To. Die." I hear my own voice as if it came from somewhere else. But I know those words came from my mouth. Just like I know, in my soul, that I spoke the truth. I am not going to die. I guess he knows it too because the sneer is gone and fear has replaced it.

He moves his finger over the trigger and pulls it. Yet, nothing happens. He tries again and again. Still nothing. He tosses the gun aside and runs at me. At the last second, I shift my stance and throw the butt of my weapon up hitting him square in the throat. He falls to his knees, clutching and gasping for air. I kick him over and straddle him.

"I told you I'm not going to die," I say. Then slam the end of the gun in his face, over and over. Each time it connects, blood splatters, and I repeat, "I am not going to die."

Someone grabs at my arms. I shake them off, but they keep pulling at me.

"What!" I yell, blinking up and over my shoulder.

A woman is standing over me, with a not-too-pleasant look on her face. "It's closing time," she says.

I glance around. I'm in the library, my laptop open in front of me. I wipe the drool from my mouth and give a sheepish smile. "Sorry," I mumble.

"Next time, take your naps at home," she snaps and walks off.

I huff. My laptop comes to life showing me the last windows I'd been on before I fell asleep. Expedia, Orbitz... I'd been looking for airline tickets. To Syracuse.

I bark out a laugh and grab my cell. A quick scroll through my contacts and then I hit call.

"Hey, Jenn, what's up?"

"Hey, Greg. Look, I know you wanted all of Team Fear to meet up in Syracuse to celebrate our win, but I can't. I really can't."

Editor's Note: This story was the Winner of the Day 3: Fear theme!

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