Hey everyone, a very very long chapter is awaiting for you ahead. There is a lot of switching between POV's (I know you hate that, but it is necessary).

Some of you are not gonna be satisfied by this end, but that's the thing, you all were divided into two groups concerning all the characters in this books and there is no way for me to satisfy you all, so I went with the original end I planned from the very beginning.

Happy reading!

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"...but I didn't want to be a fighter,
I just wanted to be free."

********

Alex's POV

I never believed in fate or destiny.

All the soulmates and meant to be crap, they never made sense to me. The concept that no matter what we do, the outcome is sealed, that we are just puppets in the grand scheme of things...That concept is ill.

But what is scarier is that people actually believe in it.

They say what's meant to be, will be.

That in the end, everything unfolds the way it's supposed to. As if destiny is not the choices we make.

I just don't believe in that.

Yeah, I believe that I fell in love, but I believe that I chose her, I believe that it was my choice...not something written in the stars all those years ago.

It was my choice.

Like I chose to be with her; now, I am choosing to leave her behind.

I am choosing to move on.

For the very first time, I am choosing to be selfish.

On a heavy exhale, I stood up, for a moment I gazed at her. I couldn't help but think that what we had was so beautiful, it was everything I ever wanted. She was my everything. But all of that is now tainted. I am. She is. Our love is.

I walked away from her, scared she might wake up and see me. I pulled the phone and called Ashton again, "Hey, did you sober up?" I asked once he answered.

"Yeah, why?"

"Can you come back to the cemetery?" I asked, my eyes on her, "Cara is here, it's late and cold, can you take her home?"

"Yeah, of course," He said, "I am on my way."

I hung up after, found a near spot and just sat there, waiting for him to get back. My heart ached a bit at the fact that she is fast asleep here, all alone, by what supposed to be my grave.

I can't keep doing this to her. She will know I am alive soon, very soon, at least it'll be easier on her then.

I just can't let her know now, I don't trust myself around her. If she looks at me with those eyes, I know that I would just go back running to her. I can't let that happen. The stupid heart pumping against my chest is way too vulnerable when it comes to her. That little bitch, he never listens to me.

Not long after, Ashton arrived. I stood up and walked to him when he got down from the cab, "What happened?" He immediately asked. I just shook my head, "Nothing, she didn't see me."

"Just take her home." I added, "And before that, can you distract her for a while, I really want to go and see Lilly." I haven't seen her since I got her off that yacht. I miss her like crazy, and what if tomorrow I couldn't see her as well?

He nodded his head, "Okay, but you can't keep hiding this for too long." He said, the bimbo acting all wise and mature.

"I know, I know, the day after tomorrow, you can tell her." I said nodding my head toward Cara, "But if you say anything before that, I am gonna punch that pretty face of yours." I threatened to which he raised an eyebrow, "Did you just call me pretty?"

I rolled my eyes, "Just go."

He didn't look satisfied with my words but he didn't argue further. I went and hid behind the tree as he walked to her. His hand went to her shoulder and he shook her a little, "Cara?"

A low gasp parted her lips and her head shot up, "Hey, hey, it's me." He said, calming her. She looked at him, flustered and a little bit shaken up. His hand went to her arm, "Come on, let me take you home."

Her eyes traveled around before they went back to him, trying to make sense of everything. She rubbed at her eyes before she tiredly got to her feet. It's not till then that she noticed the jacket around her shoulders. Fuck, I should've removed that.

Her eyebrows pulled together as she looked at it, "Uh, it was cold, so I put this on you." Ashton stuttered. She didn't seem to listen as she inched the collar to her face and smelled it, "It smells like Alex." She said, her voice a mere whisper and I think my heart jumped a little. Told you, he is a little bitch.

"Yeah, uh, it is his..was, it was his," Ashton tried to say but that bimbo couldn't get one sentence right, "It was in my car, I just.." His eyes lifted up and met mine, his jaw tightened and he shot me a glare. I rolled my eyes at him and nodded forward so he can take her and I can finally go see Lilly.

She didn't seem to care about what Ashton said, she didn't listen, nothing mattered to her at the moment. She kept the jacket around and held into it for dear life. As he walked her back to the car, her fingers wrapped around the collar and she buried her nose in it, her eyelids dropped down as if she had found her peace in that meaningless jacket, or in anything that reminded her of me.

When they got into the car and drove away, I hopped into mine and went as well. Ashton texted me that he'll take her somewhere first so I can have time with Lilly. I immediately texted Ronald, asking who is in the house before I took off.

********

"Roman and Liam are not here," Ronald started, "Also, I already explained things to Linda so the poor woman doesn't get a heart attack when she sees you or something." I shook my head at his words and my eyes traveled to the house. Good thing Roman and Liam aren't here, they'll tell Cara right away, "But I couldn't find Katherine to tell her, I think she was taking a shower maybe."

I nodded, "It's okay, I'll tell her myself." I said before I got in.

My heart took off a sprint when I walked into the living room. My eyes first fell on Lilly, she was fast asleep on the couch. My chest tightened with affection, my little bug, she is my everything now. My gaze drifted to Linda, who was pacing around the room, looking so worried and anxious. I walked closer and at the sound of my steps, she stopped pacing and her eyes lifted up and met mine.

Her hand flew to her chest, "Oh my god," She gasped, "It's true." She said, tears flowing down her cheeks. I smiled and stepped closer, she did the same and all I felt was her arms around me, hugging me so very tight. My arms wrapped around her and I pressed my forehead over her shoulder. My eyes closed and she sobbed while she held into me, "Oh god, you're alive...I can't believe this."

When she pulled away, her hand went to my face, palming my cheek and worry tightened her brow, "Are you okay?" She asked and I nodded, her eyes slipped all over me, making sure.

A sigh of relief parted her lips before she pulled away and suddenly smacked my arm.

Hey!

My eyebrows pulled together and I rubbed at my arm, "Why did you hit me?" I whined.

Her teary eyes glared at me, "How could you do this to me? You scared us, god, I thought you died, I thought I lost you again.." Even though she was scolding me, her eyes were still so soft, full of affection as she gazed at me, "God, you can't do this to me, okay, I won't handle it, I am not young anymore."

My eyebrow raised, "Hey! Don't say that, you're still so young and hot, we should find you a guy actually and marry you off." I playfully said trying to cover the tension. Her head tilted, and a smile full of adoration came to her lips, "But not Liam, okay?" I warned her, "I don't ship it, you deserve better."

She shook her head at me, the smile didn't leave her lips as she brought her hands up and held my face, "Thank god you're okay." She sniffled, kicking all the tears away. The amount of love poring from her touch alone warmed my heart in ways I didn't understand. I held her hand and honestly said,

"You know, Leya might be my mother, but I only learned what a mother is from you."

Her eyes softened and the tears came back, "Oh, my boy," A chocked sob came from her throat, "You know that you're like a son to me." She pulled her hands back and wiped at her cheek, "When you first came into that house, I was so young but you stole my heart right away, I loved you so much, and when you left I was so broken, I never thought I would see you again...but then, then you came back," She shook her head and the tears she tried to wipe away came back, "I already lost a son, Alex, I just didn't, I didn't wanna lose you again."

"You won't." I said with an assuring smile, "I promise."

I can't believe that she lost her kid, I can't begin to imagine how hard that had to be. I don't know what I would do if anything were to happen to Lilly. At the thought, my gaze drifted to my little angel sleeping on the couch, looking so damn beautiful and innocent.

"She asked about you, every single day." Linda said with a smile. A low sigh parted my lips and I walked to her. I crouched down by the couch, my hand went and tucked her hair behind her ear before I inched closer and kissed her head. My fingers gently stroked her soft skin as my eyes gazed at her. God, I wanted to wake her up, see her eyes, her smile, and talk with her a bit but she looked so peaceful at the moment, I couldn't disturb her.

"Linda, did Ashton come ba-" At her sound, I lifted my head up and my eyes fell on Katherine, who just walked into the room, totally oblivious to my presence.

Her eyes met mine and the next words hitched in her throat, her lips still parted but nothing came out and I swear she wasn't even blinking as the cup in her hand, slipped and crashed on the ground.

The sound shook Lilly from her sleep, her eyes snapped open, her body jerked in surprise and she cried out loud. My arms immediately went around her, pulling her up and bringing her to my chest, "Hey little bug, it's okay." I said, her head buried in my chest and my hand cradled the back of her head, "It's okay," I said, but my eyes were on Katherine ahead of me.

Silent tears slipped from her wide eyes, "Oh my god," She gasped, out of breath and took a few steps backward, "Katherine," I tried to say; as a result her hand flew to her chest, she shook her head and at instant, turned around and ran away, "Ka-Katherine wait!"

Linda sat beside Lilly, "Give her to me," She said as I handed her Lilly, whose cries has stopped and was slowly drifting back to sleep again. Giving her one last look, I went after Katherine. My eyes caught her going up the stairs so I followed. Once I reached the second floor, I saw her getting into one of the rooms, I accelerated my step, "Katherine, wait a second," I said, flustered by her action. Why did she run away from me?

She slammed the door behind her, my hand went to the knob, twisting it, I couldn't open it. I knocked, "Katherine, open the door," I said but no words came from inside; I knocked again, "Please, just open the door, I need to talk to you."

Nothing.

On a weighted exhale, I pressed my palm over the door before I edged my head forward and leaned against it, "You know I am not gonna leave till you open it," I said, my eyes closed, "Sweetheart, it's me, please, just open the door."

A few seconds after that, I heard a low clicking sound from inside but the door stayed closed. I edged backward, my hand went to the knob and when I twisted it this time, the door opened. I looked inside to see her standing a few inches away, her eyes on the ground, purposely not meeting mine.

I took a few steps forward and stopped by her side. Harsh breaths panted from her side and I saw how her hand curled into a fist, "Please tell me you're not gonna kick my balls again," I hesitantly said, internally wincing at the memory. She slowly lifted her head up and her teary red eyes met mine again.

A chocked sound rumbled from her before she -- I swear she jumped on me. I staggered backward at impact and her arms wrapped around my neck. She hysterically cried at my shoulder and mumbled things I couldn't comprehend.

I hugged her back, as tight as he held into me. My hand went to the back of her head, "I am sorry, sweetheart," I said, meaning it, "I am so sorry, I swear if I was awake, you'd be the first one I'd tell." I wouldn't want her to go through losing another person yet again. I would never want to hurt her in anyway, she's been with me through it all.

She whimpered and a ragged sob tore up her throat. My heart thudded against my chest at her raw cries. I backed away, my hand went to her face, holding it, I forced her to look at me, "Hey, it's okay," I said, forcing a smile, "Don't cry, come on, you know that I don't like it when you do."

She hiccuped a sob, her eyes on me trying to drink in the feedback of the moment, "You're alive," She mumbled, "I can't..how..you, you are -" Words couldn't normally form between her sobs. Her eyes pressed shut and she covered her face with her hands. My chest tightened and I pulled her back to it, "Shush, it's okay, I am fine," I rubbed at her back, soothingly, "I will tell you everything, okay, just calm down please."

I kept holding her till her cries began to cease and her body slowly relaxed in my embrace. A stuttered breath left her and she backed away to face me, her teeth dug into her lower lip to stop herself from breaking all over again before she lowly let out, "I thought I lost you," She shook her head, "It was so hard, Alex, it was so hard, I knew I could never handle it and I didn't let myself feel it because there would be no coming back if I broke down this time and I couldn't...I couldn't do that to Ashton, he was a mess too, I had to try and be strong for him but I - I couldn't," Tears went unchecked down her face, "Everything was a mess, Alex, none of us was ready for something like this, we didn't know how we're going to survive this, I can't believe you're back, I just...please tell me I am not dreaming," She covered her mouth, "Oh god, why can't I stop crying?"

I rubbed at her arm, "You're not dreaming, I am right here." I smiled, my eyebrow quirked teasingly, "I mean, I knew I am important, of course, but I didn't know that much!"

"Are you crazy?" She said with a sniff, "Of course, you are way too important, to all of us."

My smile grew wider, "Now, tell me, tell me what did Ashton do? Did he cry at my funeral? Did he weep? Tell me everything so I can hold them against him...god, it's gonna be so fun teasing him for the next ten years." A low chuckle came from Katherine and my heart melted at her smile, "I missed you so much." She said, gazing at me and trying to make sure I am actually here, "Don't you dare die, ever."

"Sweetheart, remember one thing," I placed my arm around her shoulder and pulled her outside with me, "I am a legend and legends never die."

She leaned into my arm and her smile grew wider, she wiped her cheeks as we walked down the hallway, "So, I heard you and Cara are fighting, why is that?" I want her to be by Cara's side through this, not against her.

She tensed in my arm and halted in her steps. I looked down at her and her jaw tightened, "Yeah, I am so mad at her, about everything."

"Okay, but don't be," I said, "What happened to me there, it's definitely not her fault."

"Yeah, but everything else is." Her tone changed, "I don't forgive her. I tried so hard to look past everything when she first came back, I just wanted to enjoy having her back in our lives but I can't anymore. Not after she hurt you like that, not after she kissed that man," My jaw tightened at the memory, "That was wrong, so wrong."

"And if I keep standing by her side through it every time, she'll think it's okay to do mistakes like that, but no, she needs to know that it's not."

"Katherine, don't.."

She shook her head, "I mean it." She said, "I am not doing this just for you, but for the person she's becoming." She took into a deep breath and rubbed the side of her arm, "Anyway, did...did she see you?"

I shook my head, "She doesn't know yet." I said, "And I would appreciate it if you don't tell her for these following days."

She nodded without hesitation, "I won't, of course I won't."

My eyebrow raised, "This is the first time you are not snapping at me for doing something wrong." I know it is wrong.

She shrugged, "You went through hell when she supposedly died, let her taste a bit of that." That wasn't Katherine talking and I didn't like it at all. They were so close. This must be hurting Cara like hell. Yes, what's between us is over but that doesn't mean I want her to be hurt in any way.

"Katherine, don't do this to her."

"Alex!" Chase's little voice interrupted our conversation. I turned around and saw him running toward us so fast. I smiled at the big smile he had, "You're back!" He excitedly said and I crouched down to hug him as he tried to reach up for me, "Yes, I am." He wrapped his arms around my neck, "Mom, Alex is back!"

Katherine smiled at her little kid, "Yes sweetie, he is."

Not for so long though.

He pulled away and looked at me, happiness radiating from his eyes. I kissed his head before I turned to Katherine and said, "My heart is gonna burst from all this love I am receiving today."

She smiled and kicked the tears away, "See, I told you, you can't die, you are way too important to all of us."

I stood up and kept Chase by my side, his arms wrapped around my leg and my hand went to his head and ruffled his hair, "You know, I thought you'd take the chance that I died and start planning their wedding."

Katherine chuckled and gave me a confident look, "Nah, it's okay, I still have so much time to do it."

I narrowed my eyes at her, "It's not gonna happen."

"Believe me, it will." She answered confidently. How can she be so sure? All these two kids do is hit each other.

At the thought, I checked my watch and sighed, "I wanna see Lilly and leave before Cara gets back."

Katherine nodded and she took Chase's hand, "Come on baby, say bye to Alex, you should go sleep now, it's getting late."

He turned to me, "Are you gonna go?" He asked, a hint of sadness in his tone. I nodded, "But tomorrow I will come again and see you, okay?" I said with a smile and he smiled back and nodded.

Katherine looked at me with a small pained smile before she inched closer and her arms wrapped around my waist. I hugged her back and a small relieved sigh came from her, "I still can't believe you're here," When she pulled away, her eyebrows pulled in worry, "Tomorrow let me see you, I wanna know everything." I nodded, promising her that before she took Chase's hand and went to tuck him in.

I went back downstairs and the moment I got to the first floor, I heard Lilly's voice, talking and singing and being herself as usual. Warmth spread inside my chest and I walked back to the living room to see her sitting over the couch, hugging her teddy bear and signing something from her own language.

Linda saw me and she placed her hand over Lilly's arm, "Lilly, look who is here."

Lilly followed her gaze and when she saw me, her eyes went wide in excitement. She broke into the prettiest smile and jumped off the couch, "Alis!" She said and ran so fast toward me.

Nerves jack hammered my heart into a frenzy as I took her in my arms right away and hugged her so tight. When she pulled away, her eyes twinkled with so much happiness, "Woke up!" She said, so excited.

My eyebrows pulled together, "What?"

She only inched closer and rested her head over my shoulder. I ran my hand in her hair, all the pain tearing at my lung faded away as her flowery scent invaded my senses, "So, how is my favorite girl?" I asked, she pulled away, "I miss you," She said making my heart beat a little bit faster, "And I miss you too." I said as I brought her tiny hand to my mouth and kissed her knuckles.

It warms my heart that by now she is more than used to me. It used to hurt like hell when she would pull away from my touch and not let me hold her.

The ding voice coming from my phone took my attention away, I looked at it to see a message from Ashton, telling me that they're on their way back.

My jaw tightened, I wanted to have more time with Lilly. I hefted out a breath and shook that bitter feeling away. I looked at my little girl and held her beautiful face in my hands, waves of her soft hair were all bunched up between my fingers, her smell and everything about her washing over me with a breaking wave, "I wish I can stay more with you, but I have to go now, okay?"

Her eyebrows cinched in sadness and she shook her head, "No," Her hand came to mine, her little fingers wrapped around mine, "No go, stay."

I edged my head forward and placed a kiss over her forehead. I breathed her in, trying to calm my erratic heartbeats, "I can't stay." I swallowed past the acrid taste in my throat and stroked her cheek before I let her go and started to back away, "No," She said ever so sadly and she rubbed at her eyes, tears started to well up, "Alis."

Linda came to her side, she rubbed at her arm soothingly, "It's okay sweetie, he'll come back later to see you," Her eyes went from me and back to her, "Now tell Alex bye so you can go back to sleep, okay?"

She shrugged her shoulders in anger and her lips pursed into a pout, "No!"

I exhaled a pained breath from my lungs, hesitating of whether I should leave or not. Linda gave me a reassuring look that she'll take care of this. Giving Lilly one last kiss on the cheek, "Bye little bug," I whispered before I turned around, ready to get out of here before those teary eyes make me stay. Like her mother, she can break through my walls with one look only. I have no control or whatsoever when I am around them.

"No bye!" Lilly cried out as I started to walk, I pressed my eyes shut when I heard her cry. Keep walking Alex, keep walking, you gonna have to do this more often from now on.

I hated when she was sad because nothing felt right. My heart didn't beat right. My body didn't behave right. She made me sick and the only medicine was to earn her smiles and hugs again.

"Stay," I heard her say through her tears before I felt small arms reach for my leg trying to stop me from moving forward, "Daddy, stay!"

I stopped dead in my tracks.

For a second there, my heart stopped beating.

It definitely stopped.

I blinked, trying to make sure that my ears didn't betray me. Emotions squeezed my chest as I crouched down and looked at her, I tried to catch my breath, to slow my thundering heart, "What..." I couldn't breathe, "What did you say?"

She rubbed at her eyes, "Stay," She mumbled before her hand came to my face, her fingers brushed against my cheek and she said it again, "Daddy."

A wave of contentment and a type of pain I couldn't explain played a contradictory beat on my heart before my arms went around her and pulled her back to my chest, pressing her against my wildly racing heart. My eyes closed and I buried my head in my little shoulder, "I thought I'll never hear you say that word." I breathed out.

My breath came quick and fast; my heart exploding in my chest. Affection welled at the base of my throat, right where that bitter rock of unspent emotion lay. It's like her closeness, her word was enough to chip away that corrupted feeling.

Fuck, this little girl had a hold on me.

I pressed my eyes shut, stopping the overwhelming emotion from slipping away, "Shit, you gonna make your old man cry now." I mumbled before I pulled away, trying to get a grip over myself.

She stared back at me and smiled, "Shit."

The flavor of heartache vanished as she giggled. I chuckled and shook my head, "Can you say it again?"

Her head tilted and she blinked, "Daddy?" She questioned and I nodded. My heart stuttered in my chest; she grinned, as if she realized what this one simple word can do to me, she pointed her finger at me, "You!"

I nodded with a smile, "Yeah, I am your daddy sweetie," I took her little hand and kissed it again, a pained sigh parted my lips and I said, "I still have to go though, but I need you to know that I will always come back for you, always," I tucked her hair behind her ear, "You're my little bug, my muffin," She smiled at the nickname, "You're the only reason that's pushing me forward, but first," Her head tilted as she intently listened, I wondered if she actually understood me, "First I need to get better so I can be by your side," I whispered the words only for her and shook my head, "Because I am not okay, not at all," Struggling to find my breath, I carried on, "I need to be okay to be with you because I don't wanna ever hurt you, in any way."

My father cared about me in his own fucked up way yet he hurt me. I remember the times when he treated me as good as I treat Lilly but all of that suddenly changed. He told me once that I am like him, he told me that he once cared too much but look at what he became...I don't want that to happen to me. I am already changing, I don't wanna reach there. I am scared, I am scared I might hurt her in a way. I can never let that happen.

"Just remember, everything I am doing, I am doing it only for you." I added, gazing at my whole world standing right there ahead of me.

*******

I unlocked the door and went inside the apartment, the lights were on and my eyes immediately fell on Nikolas, sitting over the couch, his elbows pressed against his knees and his head in his hands, his fingers grabbing his hair and he looked way too lost in his thoughts.

As I walked closer to him, his head lifted up and he looked at me for a second before he turned his head away, "So," he started and when I stopped by his side, I saw what's over the table, "Were you planning on telling anyone that you're leaving?" He asked, his eyes on the passport and the ticket laying there.

I hefted out a breath, "I don't think it's anyone's business." I grabbed them from over the table and shot him a glare, "And don't go through my stuffs again." God, he is so annoying.

His jaw tightened, "I didn't." He got to his feet, "Why are you leaving?"

"Like I said, it's none of your business," My grip tightened over the passport in my hand, "Look, just because I am not trying to kill you, it doesn't mean that I tolerate you in any way, so quit interfering in my shit."

"Oh no, I am gonna interfere alright, especially when you're taking such stupid decisions." He said. The nerve of this bitch.

I rolled my eyes and turned around but his hand over my arm stopped me. God, help me. My jaw tightened and I shrugged his hand away, "Can you please go back into the old Nikolas who wants to ruin my life because this caring mother side of yours is hard to deal with." Anger flashed in his eyes and I carried on, "I need a break, okay?" I said, "That's why, I need a break," from her, from you, "From everyone, that's why I am leaving, so just drop it because there is no way you're going to change my mind."

"For how long?" He asked, "How many days?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, days, weeks, months, as long as it takes."

A harsh breath came from his side and he roughed a palm over his head, "Okay, forget about Cara, what about Lilly?" He asked, "You're going to just leave her?"

"I am doing this for her." Like I said, I need to be okay so I can be with her.

He shook his head, "No, you're not, you're doing this for yourself."

I nodded, "Okay, maybe I am, who's there to blame me?"

"You're just running away." He said, so sure, as if he knows me, "You killed your father, you almost died, Cara did what she did, I am still alive after all your promises to kill me...so yeah, you're running away from all of that."

I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him a bored look, "Yeah, okay." I said, "Would you like to add more?"

My calm posture seemed to infuriate him even more. Good.

"And what's gonna happen after you get back?" He asked, his eyebrow raised challenging me.

"I'll get Lilly, that what's gonna happen."

His eyebrows pulled together as he assessed my words, "You're not gonna do what I think you're gonna do, right?"

"Maybe," I shrugged, "I am not taking any risks anymore," I said, "After all this, I don't wanna deal with Cara, I don't wanna even see her, so I am filing for custody."

His eyes widened, "Are you for real?" He asked, "You gonna take Lilly away from her mother?"

"Not exactly take her away, but I need to make sure Cara is never going to just take Lilly and leave, she was already going to do that before we went into the stupid yacht. I am not taking that risk anymore." His eyes grew a bit wide at my words.

I sighed and nodded, "Yeah I know what happened, I know how she met with my father before that, I know what they agreed on, don't worry, Ronald told me everything, he's the only one when i ask him something, he doesn't lie."

That's the thing, that's why I can't give her a second chance, that's why I can't go back to her. I simply don't trust her. Not anymore.

"Still, you can't do that!" His voice raised, "You can't break your family like this."

That was it for me, "I didn't break my family!" I snapped, anger seeking its way out, "You did, you broke it, you took them from me, so stop trying to change my mind because if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here, in this state right now!"

That was enough to silence him, he heaved a breath out of his lungs and raked his hand through his hair, his voice dropped down as he muttered, "I know. It's my fault. I know that. Just don't...don't make me win." He shook his head, "I didn't take you for the type to give up so fast."

"I am not giving up." I said, "I am just trying to build my life again. I am starting over." Without her this time.

************

Next day...

Nikolas's POV

"You sure this will work?" I asked, my eyes focused on the cabin ahead of me.

"Well, i think so." Emma said, "Look, after what he told me on the yacht, we knew he was gonna reach out for me again, and well, he actually did." She sighed, "He called and told me to come here to meet up with him."

"It's just I expected something bigger." I said, my eyes roamed around the small cabin, it was in the middle of nowhere, "And I expected more security." There was none. No one was guarding the house. What the hell. Is my father that stupid?

"Well, would you rather had a lot of men around to fight?" She sarcastically remarked and nodded toward the cabin, "Let's just get in and kill him." Her jaw tightened, "For real this time."

We marched toward the house, keeping our senses on high alert, trying to make sure that this is not some kind of trap. My eyes kept looking left and right, I just couldn't believe that there was no one here apart from us.

The cabin's door was slightly opened making my anxiety hit a new level. Something doesn't feel right. But before I could say a word, Emma was already pushing the door open and she stepped inside.

My hand tightened over the gun, ready to fire and kill whoever is going to stand in our way but it was...empty. Emma took a few steps forward and I followed. It was silent. Oddly silent. It seemed like there was no one inside the cabin as well. 

The shuffling sound of something came from the right, Emma's eyes snapped to me and I nodded my head, silently telling her to follow along. My grip tightened over the gun, my finger over the trigger, more than ready to kill, my eyes looked all around, taking everything in, hoping this doesn't go in the wrong way. Even though, I couldn't shake that feeling at the pit of my stomach. I've killed way too many people through out my life, some very powerful even, I never hesitated, I never felt this type of anxiety before. I couldn't understand the originality of it.

My steps took a pause at the threshold of the door, Emma right by my side, and our guns aimed forward. His back was to us, he was bending down, placing wood in the fireplace, "Put the gun down, son," He said before he stood straight and turned to face us.

A smile came to his lips and his eyebrow raised. His eyes only on me, his gaze left me all itchy and anxious, "You look so defensive, chill a little." I still couldn't believe he was actually here...alive. I remember it, very clearly, I remember how I drove the knife into his guts, I remember his blood tainting my hand, I remember how much I enjoyed it.Maybe, I'll enjoy this one even more.

But first, there are a few things I need to know. Before I kill him, I need answers.

He took a step to his right and took the cup of what I assume is coffee and placed it to his lips. He hummed pleasantly when he pulled away, "Okay, now maybe I can listen to you," He said, before he sat down on the couch, making himself comfortable. The bitch. Woah, looks like I am adapting one of Alex's vocabularies.

He turned to Emma, "You know, between you two, you were the only one I was proud of." He said to her, his lips curled up and he shook his head, "You disappointed me, daughter."

Emma stayed silent and his gaze drifted between us. He rolled his eyes and huffed out, "Come on, just lower the damn guns, we all know very well that I am not dying today." He said, way too confidently and that played on my nerves.

"Why so sure?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"You won't do it." He said, really sure.

"Of course I will," My jaw tightened, "I am not that little kid anymore, I am not weak, father, I will kill you without blinking an eye." He smiled at my words, "Yeah, I've seen the things you've done, pretty impressive actually, you got a wicked brain like your uncle."

My jaw tightened at his words and he carried on, "But you see, you're changing, you have weaknesses now." He leaned forward and grabbed the remote control, he pointed it to the TV and turned it on. My eyes went to the screen and they grew wide. The screen was divided into four, each section was broadcasting live, one for Cara, one for Lilly, one for my mother and one for Alex. He is watching them all.

"You won't kill me because I have men watching each one of them, you kill me, they kill them all." He said and I turned to him, his eyebrow raised, "What? You thought that I believed he died, come on Nikolas, I invented that trick, you're getting way too predictable, son."

So, it was all for nothing. Great. Just great.

All my defenses evaporated. At instant, I lowered my arm, my eyes on the screen, unable to wrap my mind over it, "See, maybe you're not weak anymore but you have weaknesses now." He stood up and walked to me. Emma was just looking at us both, trying to figure out if I'll do it or not, "What did I teach you, Nikolas?" He asked, taking my attention back to him as he stopped right in front of me.

Something flashed across his eyes and his hands went to my collar, they wrapped around the fabric and he harshly pushed me away, slamming my back against the wall as he spat out, "I taught you to never have a weakness!" He gritted his teeth and grated out, "But look at you, you're always gonna be that crazy little kid!"

I clenched my jaw, I tried to breathe but miserably failed. He let go of me and took a few steps backward, he ran his hand in his hair and calmed himself down, "I mean, I never had a weakness, that's why I reached places you'll never reach." There was a hidden meaning behind his words but I couldn't cipher it.

"You love that girl," he pointed at the screen, "You care about her little daughter and that baby she's carrying," He said, "And i guess you do care about your brother too." He shook his head, "I didn't do that mistake, I never loved your mother," He chuckled as if this is a joke, "I used her as a way to climb to the top. To be the boss, you need to be a Viarchi, so.." He shrugged and a low sigh parted his lips, "Even you," He pointed at me, "You were never a weakness for me." He scoffed, "Frank being the stupid him, hid you away to play on me, to weaken me, he thought I'll leave everything and go search for you."

I swallowed hard, "You never did," He never searched for me, "Did you?"

He shook his head, "Sorry son, I couldn't let him win." His lips curled up, "That's why you stayed that long with him. I mean, after those five years, when I actually started to search for you, I found you within like...two days," He chuckled, "Turns out, Frank isn't the brightest among us, I found you right away." He added, "Who knows, if I had searched for you before, I would've found you from the very beginning."

My grip shook over the gun, "Then why did you? After all that time, after five fucking years, why did you come back and take me?"

He shrugged, "I needed a son, a heir, someone I can put on my side and fight with but," He gave me a look I knew very well, "But instead, I had to deal with a mentally unstable little kid, who could do me no good."

A sadistic smirk lifted the side of his lips, "But I think that can change now."

He tucked his hands in his front pocket ever so casually, "If you kill me, Nikolas, they'll all die." He said pointing at the screen.

That's why he has no men around, he is not stupid, he is just way too confident.

"But if you don't, I will help you." That smug look came back, "I can help you in things you can never imagine. I have a solution to every problem you have."

My eyebrows grew together, "Help me?" I questioned, "In what exactly?"

"You know Frank is dead, right?" He said, "His spot is empty now, Alex is his son, he is alive, he'll have to take over or they'll kill him," He shrugged, "But, I can help you in that."

I shook my head, not buying it, "You can't. It's not something you can control, there are rules."

He smiled, a smile so big, "And who makes the rules?"

"The boss, who else?" I snarked, "You know that. You know there is no way to break the code, so don't try to deceive me."

He took a step closer and quirked an eyebrow, "Think about it Nik, who is the boss?"

I shook my head, "I don't know, none of us do, he is always behind the curtains, just making rules and giving orders, no one knows who he is, he-" My eyes grew wide and I stopped talking.

I took a step backward and shook my head, "No, no, it can't be!"

He only shrugged in return, "I told you, I reached places you can never reach."

I looked at Emma, her eyes just as wide, "You're kidding, aren't you?" She breathed out. He looked at her and shook his head, "I told you Emma, together, we can do anything."

I shook my head, "You're lying, you faked your death, how could that-"

"To stay one step ahead of our enemies, no one was supposed to know who the boss is," He said, "Your grandfather, the boss before me, everyone knew who he is and the Russians killed him. Everything was a mess then, the higher table took a decision to keep the boss's identity a secret this time."

Here goes the bad feeling I had.

"I betrayed my brother, I married your mother just so I can reach the top and I did. Before you drove that knife into my guts, I was the boss, then you trying to kill me was just an advantage on my side, on our side. People were getting suspicious and that cleared it all out. I could control everything and everyone without anyone knowing a thing," He said, "Why do you think we are always ahead of the Brits, the Mexicans and even the Russians, they never understand the way we operate. How can they, when they don't even know who is in charge of everything?"

He is...oh Jesus..he is in charge of everything.

I shook my head, "I don't...I don't understand."

He looked at Emma, "Like I said, a war is starting and I am gonna need you both on my side," He turned to me, "So I am ready to bend the rules and free your brother." He said and my mind started working again, can I actually free Alex from the mess I brought him into? "And I can protect that little baby of yours."

What?

"Only Marcel and me know about him. For now. Marcel is willing to stay silent and if you are willing to join me, I'll stay silent too. Our people will want him dead, you know that, and the Brits will want to take him once he grows up, so he can rule over us," His eyebrow raised, "I won't let that happen."

Is he for real?

"Why would you save Alex now after you tried to kill him on that yacht?" I asked to which he shrugged, "It was fun, his father was there, he was there, it felt like a very good payback." He answered, "But I am ready to let go of that if you accept my offer."

"Imagine it Nikolas, your kid safe and your brother free." He added, "I have a solution to all of your problems, all you have to do is just be on my side." I gulped and he asked, "So, are you?"

Am I? Am I ready to go back into that prison? I killed him so I can escape it, so I can be free, so I can get better. Am I ready to throw all that behind and be on his side again?

But if he is the boss, that means he can do anything. Alex would be in danger, I can't let that happen.

When I didn't answer he carried on, "Just answer one question," He said and took a step closer, his head tilted, "To what extant are you willing to go for your dear brother, huh?"

I clenched my jaw and grated the truth out, "I am ready to die for him."

My words gave him a promise that if he dared to get near him again, he'll have to face my wrath. Whether he is the boss or not, I wouldn't care. I know the things I am capable of doing.

His eyes narrowed and he nodded, "So, you must be ready to take my side then?"

I turned to Emma, fear tightened her eyebrows and she only shook her head, refusing the idea. I sucked into a deep breath and decided to hand over my life again, it felt like the only way I could pay for my mistakes.

He extended his hand, "Do we have a deal?" He asked.

I stared at his extended hand for a couple of seconds before I brought my hand up and shook it. I looked him in the eyes and something akin to pain pressed against my chest as I nodded, "We do."

I already lost all those years of my life, would it matter if I lost what's left from it? 

********

Isaac's POV

My eyes stayed focused on his back as he went into the car then drove away.

He said he'll die for him. My jaw tightened at the thought. He'll always have that weakness. He'll be no use to me when he is like this.

I need to fix this.

I pulled my phone out and dialed one of my men, "I need you to do something for me," I said once he answered, "I need those tapes, as soon as possible."

A smile came to my lips. Let's see Nikolas, let's see what your brother is willing to do for you?

********

Nikolas's POV

If it wasn't for me, Alex wouldn't be in this situation in the first place, he wouldn't be obliged to join our world. He wouldn't be separated from his daughter, he wouldn't be running away from the girl he is madly in love with. The same girl I ruined. The one I broke down and stole her innocence away.

So, if I can at least restore peace back into their lives, of course I would take the chance.

Emma didn't agree with me, muttered a few curses before she stormed away.

While I found myself here, trying to correct yet another mistake...that if I can. I knocked on the office's door and opened it before I stepped in. Ashton's eyes snapped to me and his whole demeanor shifted. They really do love my presence, don't they?

He stood up from behind his desk as I walked inside, "When will you stop being a part of our lives?" He asked, annoyed.

Very soon, actually.

My jaw tightened, "Alex is leaving." I said directly addressing the subject, "Tomorrow is his flight and he's not backing out."

Ashton's jaw tightened and he roughed a palm over his face, "That's what he meant." He mumbled before he looked back at me, "Well, if you think that I can change his mind, then you're wrong. When Alex puts his mind on something, he always does it." He said, "He won't listen to me."

I shook my head, "I don't mean you." I said, "There is only one person who can change his mind."

He shook his head, "Nope. I am not telling her. I promised him that I won't."

I shrugged, "Maybe you don't tell her," I gave him a knowing look, "Maybe she discovers it on her own." I said, "Maybe they accidentally bump into each others."

Look at me playing the matchmaker. God, I hate myself.

His eyes narrowed, "What do you mean?"

"Alex said he is gonna pass by here today, to see you because tomorrow he is leaving, so," My eyebrow raised, "So call her, give her an excuse and let her get here." I said, "And leave the rest to me."

********

Alex's POV

I lowered the cap down, trying to hide my face as I walked into the building. Even though this isn't the main branch of our company, still there are way too many familiar faces. I didn't want anyone to recognize me.

As if the cap and the shades are going to change my features or something. Anyway, it's better than nothing and I think it worked, because I just stepped into the elevator and no one even noticed me. Great.

After we passed two floors, the elevator's door opened and everyone else got out, it closed and I waited for it to arrive to the last floor. I took my glasses off and rubbed at my eyes, a tired sigh parted my lips. It's been days and I still can't get one night of peaceful sleep.

The elevator stopped again and I let out an annoyed sigh as the door opened, my head lifted up and my eyes grew wide as they fell on Cara, she was looking down, a phone pressed to her ear, talking through it and totally oblivious to my presence.

I immediately looked down, my hand went to the cap and I lowered it even more. "Yeah mom, I am fine," She said, her voice so low and tired, hoarse as if she hasn't used it in days. She stepped inside and pressed the button at the side, she didn't care to look up and recognize who else is with her in the elevator and to that I was thankful. Maybe I can escape this without her seeing me.

"No, you don't have to," She said as she leaned against the mirror, by my side, just on the other end.

A stuttered sigh left her side and from my peripheral vision I saw how her head dropped down and she wiped at her cheeks, "Okay," She said, her words now chocked like she is crying, "I have to go, bye." She finished the call and sniffled. I saw her bring her hand up and she covered her mouth, muffling her cries as her eyes pressed shut and tears uncontrollably went down.

My heart thudded against my chest. My body felt out of control, all I wanted was to hold her in my arms at the moment, to tell her that I am here, that there is no need to cry. God, she looked so pale, so tired, she even looked skinnier if that's possible and it killed me to see her like this, so damn broken.

I remembered the old her, the one that barely shed a tear, the feisty one that never let a person talk down to her. The one that was full of life. The cheerful one. The same one that made me chase after her for months. The one with an amazing smile that got me hooked, addicted with no hope of ever breaking free.

A knot of pain twisted in my stomach. Pain for her. Will I ever stop hurting for her? Will I ever reach a day where her pain doesn't affect me? I hope so.

Her eyes slowly glided open and I turned my head to the other side. My hand curled over the rail, A couple more seconds, Alex, just a couple more seconds. I mumbled to myself, trying to regain control.

But the elevator suddenly halted to a stop.

And the lights went off.

Just my luck...

A low gasp came from her side and I felt her hand brush over mine as she held into the rail as well. She pulled it right away, almost flinched, "I am sorry," She mumbled and my heart beat so fucking hard, slamming around in my chest. That little brush ruined everything in me.

"What happened?" She mumbled to herself before she turned on the flashlight of her phone and focused it on the elevators panel, she pressed the alarm button, trying to get the people outside to notice us, while I stood frozen in the spot, unable to talk and unable to move.

The lights came back on right away and the elevator moved, the sudden movement made her trip, she gasped and almost lost her balance. My eyes widened and my hand shot forward, grabbing her arm and preventing her fall. It was an instinct maybe, but I pulled her from her arm to me. Her other hand plastered against my chest at the impact and that's when I realized my mistake.

Her eyes were first on her hand, where it's pressed against my chest, against my wildly racing heart. She blinked once, twice before her head slowly lifted up and her eyes met mine. And time stopped there for a couple of seconds. It felt like it stopped. It definitely stopped.

She stared up at me, the pupils of her brown eyes dilated, the green ring surrounding them lightened; her cheeks were high and defined, her white pale skin all smooth and flawless. Her light brown hair falling over her shoulders, it has gotten longer since she got here, just like I love it.

Under her eyes were red and tears lined her lashes, no trace of makeup over her flawless skin yet she still managed to take my breath away. Damn, she was the most gorgeous thing.

I knew it, I knew that these eyes will bring me back to my knees.

One look, one glance only and the deepest ache had seized me, left me gutted, splaying me wide open.

"Alex," She whispered, my name barely making it past those lips. Those fucking lips.

The ding voice when the elevator's door opened seemed to snap us both back from that little moment. Her eyes grew wide as she finally realized that this is real. Her hand over my chest started to burn, my jaw tightened and I let go of her, it was harsher than I intended. I backed away, and without a second look, I stormed out of there. I don't even know how we reached the first floor back again. I didn't care. Pushing between poeple in my way, I kept moving.

"Alex, no, no wait!" She said, out of breath and I heard her footsteps behind me.

I bit the inside of my cheek, my hand curled into a fist and I kept moving forward, I didn't dare to look back at her. I needed to get the hell out of here.

"Alex!" She screamed my name, pleading me to just stop. Fuck, don't stop, don't stop.

My eyes spotted Ashton by the entrance and my anger flared, multiplied, rage simmered in my blood, convicting me from every other emotion I didn't wanna feel. I stopped by his side, not giving him a chance to react, my fingers wrapped around his shirt and I pushed him backward, "I told you don't fucking interfere! Didn't I?!" I snapped before my fist slammed against his chest. He sucked into a deep breath, trying to calm me, he said, "Alex, I-"

He couldn't continue when a hand reached for my arm, I felt her fingers wrap around my skin, clinging into me with everything in them, "Alex," She said it like she couldn't believe it, like my name was a prayer and saying it that many times will just make it come true.

Harsh breath panted from my lungs and the wound over my chest burned and pulsed with a pain I am getting way too accustomed to. I didn't dare to turn. I had to leave now. My nerves were set on high alert; as if they could sense the impeding change in the air.

I tried to shrug her hand away but failed, "No, please...look at me," She pleaded, her words barely making it out.

Her fingers held into me with all their power, thinking if she let go, I will just disappear into thin air. A tremor coursed into the depth of my bones, pressing into my limbs, crushing and breaking. I held into that feeling, I held into anger and a groan rumbled from my chest before I harshly snatched my arm away from her grip, pushing her away from me at the same time.

I didn't realize how hard I pushed her, not till I saw her stumble backward. I never thought I would physically cause her pain not till she gasped and her body went crashing down to the floor.

She used her arm to protect her body from the fall but that seemed to hurt her even more. A low whimper of pain came from her lips and pierced right into my heart. She clutched into her arm and her eyes lifted up and she stared at me in shock, like she couldn't believe that I pushed her, like she couldn't believe I was there to begin with.

Ashton scurried toward her but I stayed still in my spot, his hand went to her arm, he checked it, "Are you okay?" He asked, worried. But her eyes never left mine, tears kept pouring down her cheeks, her lips parted a little but nothing made it out. Too shocked to react, to talk.

The old me would've ran to her by now, he would've apologized and took her in his arms but..this...this is me now.

People started to gather around, checking and asking questions. My hand curled into a fist and my eyes went to Ashton, he gave me a very unsatisfied look. I felt the walls closing up at me, i felt suffocated. Not wasting more time, I turned around and walked away.

"No," I heard her plea, "Alex, please...don't go." She said more but I stopped listening.

I blocked every other word that came out of her. I just got into my car and drove way.

*******

A few hours later...

"How is she?" I asked, my heart beating like crazy.

Ashton glared in return, "Good, but no thanks to you."

"You know that I am the one who is supposed to be angry at you, not the other way around, right?" I remarked. I asked him to do one thing, one thing only and he managed to mess it up.

He clenched his jaw, "I wanna punch you so bad right now," He said, meaning it, "The girl is freaking pregnant and you pushed her away like that, such fall would've caused her to lose the baby, you know that, right?"

I sighed and scratched the back of my neck, "It was an accident." I mumbled, "I didn't mean to." Thank god nothing happened.

He only glared in return, "Look, I know what I did was wrong but you didn't have to bring her there in the first place, okay?" I said, anger and blame flared, "I told you tomorrow you can tell her but you couldn't wait, could you!"

He nodded, "Yeah, of course," He scoffed, "So you can escape the damn country tomorrow without her seeing you, isn't that it?"

My eyebrows pulled together, "How do you know?"

"Nikolas told me." That bitch.

"Wow, so now you're working with Nikolas," I exclaimed, "My life can't get any worse than this, can it?"

"Shut up," He said, annoyed, "You need to stop acting like such a kid, both of you, you need to sit down and solve this like freaking adults!" Here we go, "Hiding that your alive, running away, all of this is not going to work, so stop being so damn immature, you have a daughter in between, think about her first, think how all of this is affecting her, you two need to get over yourselves, sit down and solve this, you get that?"

I crossed my arms over my chest; I liked the old him more, when did he become so wise and mature?, "As if you weren't acting like a kid with Katherine before." I mumbled, annoyed of how he's making me feel bad at the moment.

"Yeah, that was before we had Chase, before I almost lost her, you learn your lesson and I thought you learned yours in the past two years," He said, "Look Alex, you're my friend and I care about you more than you can imagine but I am not going to tolerate this, you need to grow up, you lost her before and that destroyed you and now look at you, you're choosing to lose her, you're choosing to walk away, why? Are you sure this is gonna fix whatever problem you're facing?" He shook his head, "It won't."

"You didn't want me to tell her because you know that she is the only one who can stop you from leaving...and that's says it all."

"Yeah, true, that's why," I answered, "Because every time she messes up, every time she does something, I look past it and I go running back to her but I can't keep doing that. I have no control around her and that's why I am leaving...is it wrong? Yeah it is and I know that.

I know it's immature, I know, but I need to take control over my life again," My head ached with a fatigue that no medicine can cure, "So stop pretending like you know what it's like to be in my shoe right now, because you don't."

He sucked into a deep breath, "I am not saying that I know what you're going through; Alex, I don't wanna see you get hurt again but I look at you and I look at her and I see you both one step away from breaking down. It's not fair, for either of you." He said, "The problem between you two is fixable, that I am sure of but the thing is none of you is trying to fix it; you look past it, you ignore it, you run from it but neither you nor her are trying to fix it! "

I didn't say a thing in return. He had a point there but I wasn't gonna agree with him.

A tired sigh came from him, "Talk to her, tell her what's going on because she is thinking now that you're doing all of this to hurt her back, to punish her for what she did to you, she just wants to see you." He added, "You want to leave, you want to stay, it's up to you but at least call her and clear that out."

*******

Cara's POV

Anger took the best of me and without even knocking, I opened the bedroom's door and got in. Katherine was beside Chase on the bed, her hand playing with his hair, trying to get him to sleep. Her eyes immediately snapped to mine and she gave me a questioning look for barging in like this.

My jaw tightened, "Can we talk outside?" I asked, I didn't want to wake the little kid up. She nodded before she pulled the blanket over his body. She went off the bed and followed me outside the room.

"So," I started once she closed the door behind her, "Let's ignore the fact that you knew Alex was alive and you didn't tell me," My eyebrow raised, "And get into where he is now."

She swallowed hard and shook her head, "I don't know where he is." She was about to walk away, trying to ignore me again but my hand shot to her arm, my finger wrapped tight and I stopped her, "If there is a person that Alex tells everything, it is you, so just tell me where he is now."

I needed to know. I needed to see him.

She shook her head again, "I am sorry, I promised Alex that I won't say a thing."

"Seriously?" Hurt bled into my incredulous words, "You're still doing this?"

"I am not doing anything." She blankly said, "He doesn't want to see you, so for once give him what he actually wants."

I shook my head in disbelief, "Katherine, I thought he was dead, I mourned him and today he was there, standing in front of me, I need to see him again, I need..I need to talk with him, to make sure he is okay, please just tell me where he is staying? I just want to see him, please.." Tears went down, I felt so alone at the moment, I felt everything and everyone were against me, no one is willing to understand me, no one.

"Look Cara, no one wanted you two to get together more than me," She said, "But not anymore, you two had became so toxic for each others, and I stand by his decision this time." She added, her words tearing at my heart , "And if you really love him, you should give him that at least."

Pain twisted my expression into heartbreak, because that's what I was feeling. Heartbreak, but this time, she was breaking it, "He is lucky to have such a protective friend," I commented, a pang of jealousy hit me, "I just thought I had that too..." Wetness soaked my face, I am sick of crying, I am sick of everything.

"Katherine, when Chase died, I was there for you, through it all, from the beginning till the end, I never left your side, I was there for you every time you broke down. I even left my work and went out of the city with you to help you move on," Finally something other than anger flashed in her eyes, "I was there for you. Even when you wanted revenge and went after Ashton, I didn't agree on that but I still stood by your side and supported you because that's what a friend does."

Pain pressed against my chest and I rubbed at it, emotions thick in my throat, "I know what I did was wrong, I am not a kid, I know it was wrong and that's why I did it, so I don't need you to come and show me my mistake, I don't need your punishment...I just need my friend. That's all."

She looked away from me, "You said it was my fault. When I thought that the man I am crazy about has died, you looked me in the eye and told me it is my fault, do you know how that felt?" A wounded cry broke free; god, I just wanted a break, "I lost my father, then I lost Alex and now... now you made me lose you too," I wiped at my cheeks, "So thank you, thank you for being such a great friend, for leaving me when I needed you the most."

Feeling like I was about to break down right there in front of her, I turned around and walked away.

My breathing quickened and I halted to a stop at the kitchen, my hands shot forward and clutched into the stool, trying to hold onto something and balance myself. Trying to stand up in the world that made its mission to beat me down. My mouth twisted in pain, remorse and regret and guilt spinning through my being. My heart hammering so hard I was pretty sure it'd beat right out of my chest, spilling out in a bleeding mess.

Seemed fitting, because this heart only belonged to him. It belongs to Alex only and without him I don't want it to beat at all. No matter what happens, no matter where he goes, this heart will be his, forever.

I pressed my palm over my chest and eyes closed. I recalled what happened just a few hours ago. God, he was there, alive and breathing. He was there, I saw him, I felt him. A small pained smile came through my tears, he is okay.

A hand over my arm snapped me out of my thoughts, I turned around and my eyes fell on Liam, gazing at me with worried eyes, "Cara," he said softly and shook his head at my state, "Don't do this to yourself."

I wiped at my cheeks, "He doesn't want to see me," I mumbled, I needed to tell someone, "He..he flinched away from my touch," Maybe I do disgust him after all, "He wants to leave." I kept wiping at my cheeks, furiously, "Why do I keep crying, why?!" I snapped at myself and Liam's hand went to my arms, trying to calm me down but I just can't...I can't anymore. I can't bear more. I can't feel more. I just can't.

I want to scream so loud, I want to...I want to be free, I want to be okay. I want this to stop. This unbearable pain, will it ever stop?

"He doesn't want to see me and I..I can't find it in me to blame him." How can I when I am the one who pushed him away. I crossed a big line that day, I broke his heart intentionally...how can I blame him after that?

But..but in the elevator, he looked at me like I am his everything, his eyes were so broken yet so soft. He gazed at me with the love I am sure is still coursing through his veins. What we have is big, is bigger than all of this, what we have can never be broken...it'll never go away.

There is no moving on from it. And I don't...I don't wanna move on. I want it. I want him. But what I did...god, why did I do that, why did I push him away again, why do I keep doing this when I can't even breathe without him?

Katherine is right, I am toxic for him. I am bad for him.

Everyone sees that, and now, he saw it too.

I hiccuped a sob, "Everyone is against me, Liam," I mumbled, "Everyone is leaving me and..and it is my fault, this time it is my fault."

He shook his head and gently squeezed my arm, "No, it is not."

I nodded, "Yes, yes, you don't know what I did...I did so many mistakes, I wronged him a lot," I covered my face with my hands, ashamed of the person I have became. Maybe now, maybe I understand what Nikolas once said, how his past made him who he is, how it changed him...It is happening to me, the same is happening to me. The past two years changed me, made me this very disgusting person. Now, I get it.

"I am bad, I am so bad," I cried into my hands.

Liam removed my hands away and held my face in his hands, "Cara, no, you are not, you are not bad," He said softly, "Don't you get it?" Worry tightened his brow, "After everything that has happened to you, you have the right to make mistakes, you are not bad, you are just someone who has been through hell a lot...and if they can't see that, then they are not really your friends." I sniffled and stared back at him silently, "Cara, they don't know what you went through in the past two years, they didn't see it but I did, I know, and after all of that, the fact that you're standing here in front of me is alone something."

His head titled, "There is no way you're mentally okay after all of that, after Nikolas, after Lucas, after your father's death...so yeah, you have the right to make mistakes, because you're not okay." He said, "But none of them is trying to understand that." He shook his head, "You are strong, you tried with all your power to stay strong, you made a home for Lilly in that prison, you gave her a normal life in that hell, you stood against Nikolas when no one did and now, now you deserve a break," He wiped my tears away, "It's okay to not be strong now, it's okay to say that you're not okay, it's okay to break down, it's okay to leave behind everything, it's okay to let go of all those memories, you don't need to take care of everything and everyone all the time...you should be taken care of now and if they all can't see that then they don't deserve you."

"I care about Alex a lot but if he can't see that, then he doesn't deserve you either," He shook his head, "Despite everything, whether your decision was wrong or right, you did it for him, you bore all of that pain for him only."

Maybe it was wrong, but it's true, I did it for him only. I'd do anything for him. I just hope he knows that.

********

Alex's POV

I kept staring at the phone screen, a million thought swirling through my brain. Overthinking and analyzing. I sucked into a deep breath and finally made up my mind. I dialed her number, placed the phone to my ear and waited for her answer.

After a couple of rings, she opened the call but didn't say a word, a few seconds of silence strained between us increasing the weight pressing against my lungs. My grip tightened over the phone and she was the first to talk, "Alex? " She breathed into my name and I pressed my eyes shut. I never liked my name to be honest, because it was given to me by someone I loathed but I don't know why it sounds so much different when it comes out of her mouth. I like the sound of it only when it parts her lips.

I tried to control my thoughts, to put them into words, "I am just calling to tell you that..." I rubbed at my eyes, "That I am not doing this to hurt you, okay?" I said, "I am doing this for me."

"Alex, I--"

"No, I didn't call so I can hear you talk," I said, interrupting her, "I am calling just to make my point clear, so please just let me talk this time."

I heard her suck into a deep breath and she actually stayed silent after and allowed me to talk.

"And yeah, I forgive you," I said, answering the question she asked last night, "I do, maybe...maybe you had a moment of weakness or something, I don't know...but I forgive you," My chest tightened at the memory and I had to let the next words out, "And I suppose in the scheme of things, you are not the highest person on the list of people who've hurt me," I swallowed around the emotion wedged in my throat, "But the thing is -- I didn't want you to be on that list."

Tremors rocked my chest and I drew in a ragged breath, "Not you," Not my cupcakes.

"Anyone but you."

I evened my breaths and pressed my forehead over my palm as I leaned my elbow against the table, "Anyway," I cleared my throat, "Just...just don't blame yourself, like I said, I don't want you to be hurt, just try to move on and please...stop searching for me, don't try to find me because I don't wanna be found.

I want space, I need it actually and I think you need it too." I said, "We need to learn how to survive without the other." I know I need that at least.

A part of me agreed to everything I've said and a part was screaming at me, tearing at my heart and trying to change my mind.

I exhaled a heavy breath from my lungs, "And I am sorry for pushing you like that today, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know," She mumbled, her voice so low, as if she couldn't build up the enough strength to talk, "You can never hurt me."

My heartbeats fastened and every other word clogged my throat and couldn't pass through.

"So, is this...is this really it?" She said, her words chocked.

"I think so." Breathe Alex, breathe.

"Can I...can I at least see you one more time?" She asked, more like a plea.

I shook my head, "I am sorry, I can't." I don't trust myself.

"Okay," She mumbled sadly.

"Goodbye, Cara," I said, if this is the right thing to do then why does it feel so wrong?

"I am sorry," I felt her tears, "I am just so...so sorry."

"It's okay." I mumbled. Is this really us? Is this what we've became?

"Do you.." She paused for a second, hesitating, "Do you regret meeting me?"

"No." I said, honestly, "Even if it was short-lived yet...you gave me something no one else has given me," I shook my head, "So no I don't regret it," Our dating times, our wedding, our marriage, "It was the best year of my life."

"It was the best year of my life, too." She sniffled and I felt the sincerity in her voice, "I love you, Alex," She said, doing her best to suppress her sobs, "It has always been you. It'll always be only you. Just remember that."

My hand fisted over the table, those few words thundered my heart, pounding it with affection for her. I bit the inside of my cheek, stopping myself from saying anything back. I so badly wanted to give up the fight warring my mind. I missed her, more than I could ever imagine.

The longing is different thought. Different from those two years I'd lived without her, when the days had blurred and bled and spun into an endless oblivion of pain. When I tried everything and anything just to erase her memory, the one that had been scored into my heart and mind.

Different yet the same, because I am still trying to erase her, to forget and to run away.

For many years, I believed I didn't belong anywhere.

Till I saw her, till we met; we crossed paths and my whole life turned upside down. I knew better then. I belonged with her then.

After that thought, I immediately hung up, before I back away and ruin it all. I let go of the phone and leaned forward, pressing both elbows against the table, I raked both hands in my hair, frustrated.

Fatigue weighed down my body and cold sank all the way to the marrow of my bones. I am still lost, way too lost.

I can't help it but something just doesn't feel right.

I don't know how many minutes passed but the sound of the doorbell pulled me back from my thoughts and to that I was thankful. I sighed before I got to my feet and went to open it. "Hey," Katherine said with a weak smile, she showed me the handbag in her hand, "I got you some clothes like you asked."

I took the bag from her hand, "Thank you," I mumbled as I placed it inside.

Her eyebrows pulled together, "You don't look okay." She said, worried.

I roughed a palm over my face, "Is it that obvious?"

Lines etched her forehead and she nodded, "Can I get inside?"

I cleared her way, "Of course, come in."

I closed the door and followed her to the living room. When she sat down on the couch, I said, "Please tell me you're not here to change my mind as well." I just can't deal with that now.

She shook her head, "No, I don't wanna interfere anymore." She said, "Do whatever makes you comfortable. It's your life, so it's up to you."

My eyebrow raised, "So no more locking me up in a room with her, huh?"

A very small smile lifted the corner of her lips and she shook her head, "No." She said, a hint of sadness in her tone before she looked away from me.

"You don't look so happy about that." I remarked.

Her throat bobbed and when she looked back at me, I saw the tears welling up in her eyes, "I just wish things didn't have to be this way," A tear fell and she wiped it away, "When Cara came back, I thought...I thought it was all gonna go back to normal, you and her, me and Ashton, just like it used to be, you know...this," She addressed the idea of all of us, "This is my family and even though I am not gonna interfere now, it still breaks my heart like nothing else." She wiped at her cheeks again, trying her best not to cry.

I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her to me, she rested her head over my arm and drew into a ragged breath, "I mean, we all are still a family somehow." I said, "This won't change that."

"Can I say something?" She asked without looking at me.

"Yeah, sure."

"For a long time of my life, I let my past control me in every aspect of my life, even after Chase was born, I was always scared, that fear never left my side and it kept me from enjoying the beautiful life I had at that moment." She sniffled, "Its not till I dealt with it, not till I stopped it from controlling every action I took, it's not till I let that past go that I was able to appreciate the life I had." She lifted her head from my shoulder and stared up at me, "You both are doing that same thing, you are letting your past control you."

"Every decision Cara has taken, it originates from what she felt when her father walked away, she was always so scared of someone leaving that she decided to leave first," She pulled her body away and carried on, "And the same is happening now for you, you want to leave because you're scared of her leaving again, actually, you're scared of anyone leaving." At her words, my gazed dropped to my arm, my eyes traveled over the scars engraved there...because this what happened when people left.

She is right. This is not just about Cara. I am not running away from her only. I am running away from him too.

"You both tried to get back to what was before those two years, actually we all tried to do that," She shrugged lightly, "But we failed. It won't work like that because we all are different people now." She shook her head, "That's the thing, it's the human's nature I guess, to cling to what was before because it is...familiar i guess, but the past has passed and we shouldn't listen to what it has to say because truth is, it has nothing new to say."

She pulled into a deep breath, "Just stop letting that past control your life."

Exhaling, I leaned my back against the couch and looked up at the ceiling. She is right. My past always controlled me.

When I turned back to her, she cleared her throat, "You know, I am just saying what I feel, I am not interfering." She said, defending herself.

I smiled, "You want us to get back together, don't you?" I asked, her eyes spoke louder than her actions.

She nodded sadly, "I do," She said, "Because if you two can't make it, then I don't know who can."

********

Next day...

Warmth blanketed my skin as the rays of late-afternoon sun slanted from the big windows at the side. My pulse thundered as I stood there, in the same spot, for I don't know how long. My eyes on the big screen ahead of me, waiting for them to announce the gate number so I can get into the damn plane and not have the chance to back away.

I waited...and waited. I was seconds away from losing my mind and nerves.

People were moving around, men, women, children and families. Everyone busy in their own little lives while I stood there busy trying to sort the chaos in mine.

Katherine's words kept echoing in my head, trying to mingle their way into my thoughts and change my mind. They almost succeeded. I almost turned around, ready to get out of here when the gate number got announced. My heart clenched, just as tightly as my jaw. Fuck, I am such a mess.

I shook every thought away and was ready to head there but a hand tapping over my shoulder stopped me. I turned around and found two men standing, both suited up and I couldn't shake the weird vibe radiating off them. My eyebrow quirked in question, ushering them to explain why they stopped me.

"We need you to come with us," One of them said, his voice hard and his hand moved his suit jacket a bit to the side, exposing the gun tucked to his waistband, his way of threatening, i guess. Confusion tightened my brow, how was he able to get that gun past the airport's security, is beyond me.

My eyebrow raised, "I don't think you are going to make a scene in the middle of the airport," My lips lifted in a sneer, "I am not going anywhere with you." I mumbled annoyed and was about to turn around but his hand came to my arm and stopped me again, "Show him." He ordered his friend.

The other guy pulled his phone and turned it around, showing me the screen, it was a video call with someone. It showed me the house Cara and everyone else are staying at, movement fluttered at the window, I looked closer and it was Lilly, "Our man is right there, if you don't listen to us, he'll kill that little girl right away," My heart sped and I lifted my head up, "No one needs to get hurt, just come with us, your uncle only wants to talk." What the -- ?

My jaw tightened and he gave me a challenging look, daring me to walk away this time. I sucked into a deep breath and obliged to their order. They started to walk away and I followed till we exited the airport and went a bit far from there. My eyes were on one of the guy's gun, my mind thinking and calculating how fast I can get it from him. I wasn't just gonna follow them to god knows where. As long as I am concerned, that uncle of mine isn't a fan, considering he tried to kill me before.

They paused in their steps, said something in Italian to each other before one of them went to the other direction, leaving the two of us alone. I took that as my chance, adrenaline pumped through my body and I moved forward but he seemed to sense my motive, his hand shot out to stop me but I grabbed it and twisted it before I punched him in the stomach, he groaned and staggered backward.

At the impact, the gun slipped to the ground. I didn't waste a second as I grabbed it and fired at him.

Right at that moment, someone's arms held me from the back, and before I could even react, I felt a needle pierce into my neck, "What the--" the gun slipped to the ground and my hand went to my neck, "Dear nephew, you didn't need to make a scene," a very familiar voice said before everything turned black.

*******

My eyelids slowly glided open but everything was blurry. I drew into a deep breath and blinked to clear the haze. Every muscle in my body felt like it was giving up and my brain seemed way too exhausted to take control. I groaned and tried to straighten my body but couldn't.

It all came flooding back and my eyes snapped open. My muscles jerked and I tried to move my arms but couldn't, my gaze dropped down to see them tied to the damn chair. Goddammit, I groaned and tried to break free but it was too tight.

"Well, good morning there," A voice said, his voice and I felt his shadow hover over my sight. My head snapped up, his brown eyes met mine and I gritted my teeth, "What the fuck do you want?" I spat out.

"Don't worry, I didn't get you here to kill you," He said, amusement flared in his tone, "It was only fun the first time."

He circled his way around and went behind me. He rested his hands over my shoulder, "I need to show you something, actually." He said, his voice so close, his head just right behind mine.

A blinding light came from in front of me making me squint and it wasn't till then that I noticed the projector's screen hanging over the wall. My eyebrows pulled together and I looked around the room, where the hell am I? There was two men only, one standing on the side, his eyes on me while the other sitting behind his laptop.

"I have a feeling you gonna enjoy this," He added, and I couldn't miss the sadistic tone in his words.

"Micheal, start the video." He said from behind me and on cue, something started playing over the screen. It was a black screen at first, it was silent and I couldn't help the way my stomach tightened, my nerves were set on high alert, as if they could sense what's about to happen.

Anxiety clawed up the walls in the room and spilled out across the floor as I dreaded what's about to come, "Oh and remember, I have a guy just outside your house, observing your little girl," he started, "So if you do something, if you even dare to close your eyes, he will kill her, I give you my word." His words were enough to double over my panic. What the hell is this supposed to mean?

The black screen faded and in its place came what I assume is a bedroom, the video was playing but the room was empty and I didn't get it. With every second that passed, anxiety ratcheted me one degree higher, "What is this?"

"Micheal, skip forward, let's get into the real deal." He said and Micheal obliged.

The empty bedroom now had two people inside it. A shot of panic hit me, escalating my pulse, and my eyes grew wide, "What the hell is this?!"

"This.." he whispered beside my ear, "This is your precious girl and that, that is your dear brother."

"No, no,.." Pain clawed up my spine and settled at the base of my neck, "NO! Turn it off!" I snapped. My head throbbed, I saw...I saw his hands trail over her body...I saw him on...Fuck, no, no, "Turn it the fuck off!" I pinched my eyes shut, not ready to face what's waiting for me on the screen. But when I didn't see, I could hear it...Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"STOP IT!" I screamed unable to bear the sound. Tremors rolled through me, uncontrollable and harsh. I moved my arms, I wanted to cover my ears, to pull myself out of this nightmare but couldn't. His hand came to my face and he turned it back, "Open your eyes," He demanded, his hands on my face, forcing me to face the screen.

"I said, open your eyes!" He snapped, his voice bellowed in the small room, "Remember what I said about your daughter." He threatened and helplessly, my eyes pried open.

"You still didn't see the good part yet," He said and that dread pounding at my ribs dropped like a rock into the roiling pit of my stomach. I couldn't come up with a normal breath, I couldn't gather the courage to witness more.

It was another video now, same people, same room, just another day.

He was sitting on the bed's edge, he extended her hand forward, "Come here," He ordered and I saw...her walking closer, her steps slow and hesitant, "I said, come here," He grated out and his hand went to her arm, harshly pulling her to him till she straddled his lap.

I was speared.

Gutted.

He grabbed her chin in his hands and he...kissed her. It started like this, a kiss.

Sickness curled through my stomach, and it all changed, it became more when he turned her body around, laying her over the bed...under him. His hands pulling at her clothes, tearing them away, leaving her...without any.

No, no..

"Stop it! Just turn it off!" I snapped again and I tried to move away but he kept forcing my head forward.

Darkness rushed in.

I couldn't see. I didn't wanna see. I didn't want anyone to see this, to see my girl like this.

More kissing. More claiming.

Every wound tore open. Wide and gaping. Crippling. I shook my head harder, fumbling over when I saw it happen right in front my eyes. I saw him take my girl's innocence away, stripping her bare, breaking her, piece by piece. He slammed into her hard and her hand flew to her mouth to muffle her scream but I am the one who screamed, "STOP!" I pressed my eyes shut and shook my head. I couldn't bear this, I couldn't...fuck, I couldn't..even breathe.

I tried to break free, "Let me go!" There were more than one hand trying to stop me, "I said let me go," My voice raised so I don't have to hear the sounds coming from the video, I screamed over the searing pain, I wanted to claw out of my skin, "I don't wanna see this, turn it off!" I tried with all my power to break free from this chair and I almost succeed by tearing the rope over one arm away but his men were there to force me back into it and tie me up harder.

I struggled and managed to draw a lump of heavy air down my raw throat. Unbearable weight pressed against my ribs. Crushing. "Why are you doing this?!" I snapped at him when he came in front of me. I was fucking panting.

His eyebrow raised, "I am just showing you who your brother is." He pointed to the screen, "There is more to come don't worry, and this time, you do that again," He nodded his head toward me, addressing my outburst, "Consider your daughter dead, I am not messing around."

I turned my head away but his man behind held into the back of my neck and forced me to face it again. Another wave of sorrow crashed into me. Overwhelming. Staggering. I tried to focus my eyes only on her, maybe she can pull me out this torture. Her hand covered her mouth, her eyes pressed shut, and tears trickled down her temple, soundless. When she removed her hand, her lips trembled as more tears fell, the pillow wet with her pain.

That physical hurt in my chest only intensified, and my breaths snapped in and out of mouth. Weakness overcame me and I couldn't come up with the energy to scream anymore. I felt everything and in the same time, I could feel nothing.

Excruciating numbness.

I saw it. The pain, the endless tears, the unspoken words, the unleashed screams.

I saw it.

The marks over her body. I saw it.

I saw it all.

I didn't realize that my own tears were falling till I felt the salty taste of them over my lips.

The video changed and the worse came.

"Oh, this one is interesting." The fucker commented, "I am glad this one is dead, he surely deserved it." At his words, my eyes spotted the difference. It was no longer the same bedroom, it looked like a basement and that wasn't him...it was Lucas.

No, god please no. I don't wanna see this.

I wish I have died on the yacht and didn't get the chance to ever see this. I wish my heart would stop beating right at this moment so I wouldn't have to witness them tear my beautiful girl apart. If I can't bear to witness, how was she able to bear it? How could she go through all that pain?

She went through that pain for you. A voice in my head whispered making this a hundred times more painful.

"Stop...stop please..." She whimpered as the belt cracked against her naked back. Her body jerked forward and Lucas swung the belt again and slapped it against her skin.

I flinched, feeling the stinging pain she was must've felt. My body constricted, I felt shocked, even horrified. Each slap left a mark over my heart, pierced it into its deepest depth so I never dare to forget it. How can I ever forget this?

I could see the marks design her back, the bruises she tried so hard to hide from me, I saw them wide and clear. Blood sloshed in my mind, and a wave of dizziness swept through me. I wanted to cover my ears and not hear her plead for him to stop, not hear the sound of it, each time the belt met her skin. I wanted to scream at him to stop, to bring him back from dead just to kill him again. But...it's not entirely his fault, no. He was only the master's puppet. He followed orders.

"Please, please, stop...god, please..." She pleaded and he answered by grasping her around the waist with one arm and then bringing the belt down in an unrelenting rhythm while she squirmed and sobbed.

I chocked over a sob stuck deep in my throat, my eyes blurred. I reeled, my nails digging into the wood of the chair, "Please stop it, I will do anything, just stop it..." My throat burned as I talked. It tingled and throbbed and that rock of unspent emotion finally broke free.

The belt fell again against her lower back, her knees buckled from under her, she couldn't breathe through her gasping sobs and her body crumbled to the ground. I gasped at the scene and my whole being quaked with a jolt of pain.

Tears burned hot, dragging all the torture inside me out into the light.

"Poor thing," He tsked from behind me, "She passed out from the pain, I mean can you imagine how much it must've hurt for her to pass out like this." He said while I numbly stared at her, lifelessly laying over the cold floor. My heart throbbed a wayward beat. My tears falling, I couldn't speak anymore, I couldn't react. I sat there, numb and empty, it was like a hole had been hallowed inside of me and nothing will ever fill it. What have they done to my cupcakes?

"I mean I don't even know her and I feel bad." He added.

The video changed and this one showed me the aftermath of what happened before, it showed me as he pulled away and left the room, leaving behind a mess on the bed. She just laid there, her eyes opened but drained, lifeless. She pulled the blanket over her frail body and curled herself into a ball. She pressed her temple against the bed and silent tears went down, one after the other.

The scene sent a fresh round of blood pumping through my veins, washing out the numbness and filling me with all the shit I didn't want to feel.

But I should feel it. I should feel this pain.

I called her..I called her disgusting. How could I? How could I let myself hurt her like that?

How could I accuse her of loving him, after all of this?

My heart rattled in my chest when my eyes spotted the blood over the white sheets.

"No, no," I shook my head brokenly, my words choked, barely making it out. He made her bleed.

I didn't realize that they had already untied my arms from over the chair until I pressed my palm against my chest. My heart squeezed so tight, I could feel it splintering, disintegrating into dust. I have never felt anything this painful. Never. I have never had my heart broken in this way.

I wanted to reach for her, that girl in the video, I wanted to gather her broken pieces into my arms, to hold her and shield her from all this pain. I wanted to apologize for not getting her out of there, for not knowing, I wanted to promise her a better life when she gets out, to give her good memories that could erase all of this. 

And most importantly, I wanted to avenge her.

I felt his hand press over my shoulders again, "How could you forgive him after this?" He asked, "I mean I couldn't forgive Frank even though I didn't love Leya."

He squeezed at my shoulders, "So tell me now, how could you forgive him after everything he've done to your precious girl?"

I didn't forgive him.

But a part of you wanted to. I couldn't silence the voices in my head anymore.

His mouth was beside my ear as he carried on, "You see this," My eyes never left the screen, even though I was free from the shackles tying me to the chair, I couldn't move, I couldn't talk, I couldn't breathe...there were a much stronger shackle around my heart, "This is your brother, this is who he is. So tell me," I felt the coldness of the metal against my fingertips, my gaze dropped down to my lap to see the gun he placed there, "Tell me, what are you willing to do?"

"I can free you from this mafia world, you can finally take your family and go back to your home," He added and my eyes never left the gun as I processed every word, "I can even protect the little baby she is carrying, no one will ever know about him."

My jaw tightened and my fingers curled around the gun's grip as he carried on, "But I need to know, what are willing to do first?"

********

I stumbled forward, unable to balance myself on two shaking legs. I lifted my face to the subtle warmth of the winter sky. Noon held the sky captive, the sun sitting high in the center of the endless expanse of blue.

It was raining non stop for the previous weeks but today, for some reason, it was warm. The irony. I have never felt more cold.

My mind kept replaying every thing I just saw again and again and again. Fuck, fuck. Stop. I pressed my palm against my temples. Stop. Fucking stop.

The lump in my throat expanded. I choked over it. My fingers dug into the back of my neck as my head dropped. I crammed the heels of my hands into my eyes, trying to stop the emotions welling there.

My lungs felt absent, that same feeling when I first woke up and coughs raced up my throat. My muscles strained as I fought to get the air in but the coughs closed up all the airways I needed. I placed my hand to my mouth and when finally my coughs ceased, I looked at my hand to see a few blood droplets there. I wiped my mouth, removing the blood away.

I had to do something. I fumbled in my pockets, trying to find my phone. I took it in my shaking hand and unlocked it. I didn't know who could I call, who can I depend on? I just found myself dialing his number, I placed it to my ears,

"Ashton, I need you to do something for me." I said the moment he answered.

********

Nikolas's POV

Worry surged into my being after Ashton called me and asked me to go and see Alex. I was beyond confused. I thought he left. He went really early in the morning without me even noticing. Did he change his mind? What happened?

I kicked those thoughts away as I arrived to the location he had sent me. I parked the car aside and went down. I was about to call Alex and see where he is but my eyes immediately spotted him, sitting at the side of the road. Confusion tightened my brow as I looked around, the place is isolated, no one around. What is he doing here?

I walked to him and stopped right by his side, he didn't seem to notice my presence not till I talked, "Alex?"

At that, he lifted his eyes up and met mine and I knew something must've happened. He was a mess, his eyes all red, his hair all messed up. Lines etched between my eyebrows and I asked, concerned, "What happened?"

He got to his feet and a low chuckle rumbled from his chest, a humorless one, "What happened you ask?" He mumbled, his eyes fell on me, "You," he said, his voice hardened, "You happened."

I gulped, I couldn't understand.

"You know, I was so thrilled by the idea of having you back into my life," He let out another slurred chuckle, more like a scoff, "The idea of having a brother, I liked it, I admit that, I enjoyed it, to the point that it blinded me from who...you really are." His voice, his words, there was something off, something different. His words slurred out like he was drunk but he wasn't...no, there was something else.

He looked away and shook his head, "But I don't..." He mumbled almost in pain, more to himself. He pressed his palms against his temples and his gaze dropped down, "But I don't want to do this... I don't," He mumbled again and removed his hands away, his eyes on the ground as he added, "But I should."

My heart thundered against my chest. A part of me understood but a part refused to.

He looked back at me and pain twisted his eyebrows, "Why didn't you just come to me?" He asked, "Why didn't you just hurt me? I would've forgiven you, I swear, I would've..." He gritted his teeth, "But you had to go and hurt her, you had to.." He pressed his eyes shut and winced, "God, I can't unsee it, i can't make it go--"

"Alex, what...what happened?" I hesitantly asked, he wasn't acting like himself.

When he opened his eyes again, he seemed to regain control again, his chest heaved with each breath he took. My eyes followed the movement of his hand, it went to the back of his pants and he pulled the gun out. Nerves twisted my stomach as he aimed at me, his eyes hardened and for the very first time, he looked more than ready to pull the trigger.

Air pushed in and out of my chest and I swallowed hard as my gaze drifted from the gun to his face, "Wha..what are you doing?"

His jaw tightened, "He asked me what I am willing to do," He nodded, "This, I am willing to do this, I am willing to kill you."

It didn't take me long to understand. My father is playing games..of course, how can I forget his colorful fucked up mind.

I shook my head, I was never scared of a gun pointed at me, not till now, "Please, don't make him win." It came out as a plea.

"Don't you get it, there is no winner or loser in this!" He snapped, bewildered, "You don't know what I saw, you don't!" Saw what? He scoffed, "Wait, you do know, of course you know, because you were there!"

"What...what you did to her," Lines etched his forehead and he whispered brokenly, "I saw it, I saw it all,"

"I can't...I can't keep you alive after this," He shook his head, "No, you shouldn't live, you shouldn't."

My chest tightened, it was weird, "What about what you said on the yacht?" I asked, "You didn't mean a thing back there, did you?"

His eyebrows pulled together, "I don't...I don't know."

A gentle breeze blew in, rustling through the trees and I felt myself failing within, a mayhem of nerves and memories has turned sour, "I told you," I shook my head, "Don't give me hope just so you can snatch away later, I told you that and you said that's not what you're doing."

I'd admit it, the words he said there, I held into them with all my power, they're the one that pushed me out of that yacht, they made me want to be a better person. He said he is not gonna give up on me and I selfishly wanted that.

Hope, that's what they gave me, innocent hope. I so desperately wanted him back into my life too, because with him, I felt normal. I wasn't a monster anymore, I wasn't a crazy little kid, with him, I am simply just an older brother.

My hand went into my pocket and i held the crystal ball inside my palm, feeling its edges against my calloused skin. Hope, it was sick joke. My fingers curled into the inside of my palm and I held it. A very faint smile crossed my lips at the memory.

"You asked me about this before," He said, showing me the crystal ball dangling from the key chain, "Who gave it to me, told me that if you make a wish, it makes it come true, only if the wish is something good for you," He handed it over to me and smiled, a hopeful smile, "Here, keep it with you, consider it something you're keeping for me till I see you again." He is giving me hope, that we'll see each other again.

He placed it in my palm and I kept my eyes on it, "I will come back and get you out of here, I promise." He said before he curled my fingers into my palm so I can keep it.

My eyes lifted to him, "Don't you need it?" I asked and he shook his head, "No, my wish will come true when I see you again."

I smiled, there was hope after all, "You will." I said before I brought my arms up and pulled him to me, I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him so tight. I buried my face in his shoulder and grabbed the back of his neck, "Take care of yourself, okay?" I said as I pressed my eyes shut. I hated the idea of him leaving, but at least he'll be free. He'll be okay, that's all I want.

Those little things, those little moments we had, they weren't little.

We had a bond, a one they all couldn't break. It was so strong, even stronger than their hate.

But we are no longer just two innocent kids, playing in a basement. That exact bond is doing this to him now and the only way to finally break it and free us both, it has to be — my death.

Because, I'd rather die and bury that bond with me than live my whole life with him hating me.

Our story can't end in hate like they all wanted, it can end in one way only; my death.

And if that would at least give him peace, if it would help him move on, and if it's gonna be on his hands; If he is going to be the death of me, then I don't mind.

I lifted my eyes up from the small crystal ball in my pocket and looked back at him. He had his gun lowered down by now, I didn't know why. He looked lost, thinking it through.

"I gave you a chance to run away," He said, way too exhausted, "Why didn't you?"

I shook my head with a small smile, "I told you, I don't run away."

"Then why you're not fighting me back?"

I shook it again, "I would never fight you."

His throat bobbed, "Then you will die."

I sighed, "I am not scared of death," I took a few steps forward, "Believe me, this life hurts hell a lot more."

And I am so tired of getting hurt. I am so tired of battling with this life and losing...of searching for something I'll never find. I am tired of trying. Of everything. I speak to the old me, the one I barely remember, the victim; and to the man I've became today, the villain of my own story.

And I realize, every villain must die.

I finally give up on the fight warring my mind.

I don't want to fight anymore,

I just want to be free.

********

Alex's POV

He stopped right in front of me. He didn't look scared. Not at all. He stared at me like he had given up yet with unconquerable eyes.

God knows, I really wanted to help him, to be there for him, I was ready to even forgive him but after what I saw, that can never happen. I just can't. I am only human and there is a limit to what I can forgive. This can't work, I can't do that to Cara.

If he stayed alive, then I can never go back to normal. It can't work. Cara's pain needs justice.

"Promise me that you won't regret this," He said, worry tightened his eyebrow, it's like he wanted to make sure that I'll be okay. He cares, I know that he does, he's becoming good again but that can't...it can't erase his terrible sins, "You won't blame yourself and you'll move on," He added, "You'll go back to your family and --" Pain simmered in the green of his eyes before that lone tear trickled down his cheek, "And you'll give that kid the life I couldn't have." It was the first time for me to hear him talk about the baby.

Moisture gathered in my eyes again and I weakly nodded, my finger wrapped tighter over the gun's grip at the side. His gaze left me for a mere second, he pressed them shut and his hand curled into a fist. When he pried them again, "Fuck it," He mumbled under his breath before he inched closer and I felt his arm wrap around me, startling me for a second. It came around my shoulder and his hand griped the back of my neck.

I stood there, breathless. Emotion tumbled through me, pitched through my consciousness and spilled into my chest, tightening it even more. I brought my arm up and my forehead pressed against his shoulder, my eyes closed and tears went down, I was freaking crying, this day has drained me of everything I had, "I am sorry," He mumbled, "For hurting you, for hurting her..."

His hand tightened over my neck and he mumbled in my shoulder, "Take care of yourself, okay?"

It was another goodbye. This time for real. This time there is no promises of anyone coming back. There is no false hope this time. It is real, because we are no longer just two innocent kids.

There was no winner or loser here, we all will lose and we all will win something. This wasn't a game of chess anymore, there is no checkmate being muttered, no one will stand on the ashes of the other, there are no pawns anymore, no kings or queens. I know that when his piece is going to fall off the board, a part of me will go with it too, the part I clung to with all my power, the little kid in me, the one who took the razor and hurt himself, I held into that kid for way too long.

It's time to let go.

It's time to stop my past from controlling me.

He pulled away and I brought my arm up, aiming it at him. I clenched my jaw and pressed my eyes shut, unwilling to witness what's about to happen. My finger pressed over the trigger, it's time to let him go. The shot resonated around the isolated road, it felt like it pierced right into my heart. I didn't dare to open my eyes before I fired again. These two shots hurt me more than those on the yacht. These two shots killed a part of me, they killed my...brother.

My eyelids glided open and the gun slipped from my hand and into the ground, crashing there.

The pain had followed me through the years, amplified in the moments when I closed my eyes, when my lids would flutter shut and the images would invade. When the memory drew so close it was all I could see.

All I could feel.

Now, all that pain tumbled out, in waves, unstoppable. She was once right, when I pull the trigger, every other emotion I buried deep down through the years will come out.

Weakness overcame me, it tugged at my inside, the gravity of it pulling me down. I sagged and dropped to my knees. My head lifted up to the sky and a scream rumbled from my chest. A scream that held in it every thing I didn't want to feel. It screamed pain and chaos, an unsound spirit lost in a daze of disorder, something begging to break free from its chains.

My eyes hesitantly went to him and all I felt was myself staggering forward. I dropped by his side, my hands went to his face, one of them pressed behind the back of his head and his eyes slowly glided open, his lips parted but no words came out instead blood dripped down the side of his mouth.

I felt his hand reach for mine, like he was trying to open it up, my gaze drifted there and my hand opened for him to place something over my palm. My eyes recognized the crystal ball laying in my hand and they grew wide. I felt frenzied, frantic. He still has it.

But now, now it had his blood all over it. Another innocent memory tainted, "My wish...came true," Words breathlessly left his mouth and I looked at him, a small smile came to his lips, "It's your time to..." He swallowed hard, "To make a wish."

Tears went down, one after the other. There was no stopping, today has made its mission to break me down and it succeeded. I broke under the affliction of everything happening.

My wish would be to give him peace. At least that. Can I give him that?

I pulled him closer, my chin pressed against his head and I said, "I forgive you," A heavy breath tumbled from my lung, "I forgive you, Nikolas," I mumbled, even though I didn't quite feel it, I just wanted to give him peace.

Tears burned hot, especially when I felt his body slowly relax, slipping into unconsciousness.

I pulled away, I backed away trying to run away but no, there was no more running, no more dreading. This was it.

I heard footsteps nearing me, but I didn't look, I knew it was Ashton, I called him to come here, because I needed someone when I break down like this. I don't know how long he's been here, did he witness what I did? Did he see me kill him?

He sat on the road's side behind me and his arm came around my shoulder from the back, as if trying to hold me down before I break at the seams, his other hand grabbed my shoulder and he squeezed at it and I just fucking sobbed. Like a baby, because it hurt so bad. Because I wish that it didn't have to be like this. I wished that I could change everything.

"Hey, hey it's okay," He said behind me, "Alex," He said, worried, "It's gonna be okay."

No, actually, I won't change everything. Because I still had a brother.

I still had my beautiful girl. My cupcakes. The one who tore right through every wall I threw up. She'd changed me. Touched me in ways no other person possibly could. I need her, I want her. I want my little family back. I want to take her into my arms and never let her go.

Because she was meant for me.

********

Cara's POV

The small knock on my door snapped me out of my many thoughts, I lifted my head from Lilly, who was fast asleep and my eyes went to Ashton standing by the door. He nodded to outside, ushering me to come along.

Confused, I pulled the covers over Lilly before I went off the bed. Putting my slippers on, I exited the room. My eyebrows pulled together as I stared back at him, "There is someone who needs you outside," he said, a small smile played on his lips.

I tensed, refusing the first thought that swirled through my mind. He nodded to the main door, "Just go," He said and I obliged. My legs bounced with the nerves prodding my anxious feet. My heart beat a thousand emotion against my chest as my palm pressed against the ajar door and I pushed it open.

I released a staggered breath when my eyes met his back. He was sitting right there on the porch. He was right there. He is here. Is is this real?

"Alex," I whispered, my mind refusing to acknowledge the fact. My feet finally responded to the order my brain issued and they took my forward. I stood right in front of him and his head lifted up, his beautiful tortured eyes met mine, snapping all the oxygen from my lungs.

Before I had the chance to react, my eyes slipped all over him, fear tightened my throat when I noticed the blood covering his white shirt, there was blood everywhere, on his hand, on the inside of one of his palms. My wide eyes met his again and I went down, leveling myself with him, "What happened?" I gasped.

This...this was what I had been unprepared to see. Brown eyes begged back at me. His dark heavy lashes framing the stark evidence of sorrow, leaving them bloodshot and misty. Emotion overflowed from them, a flood of misery and love and devotion.

My brows knitted softly and my head listed to the side, taking him in, him staring down at me while I stared up at him, his hard posture exposed a kind of vulnerability I haven't seen before. Moisture gathered in my own eyes and as a reflex, my hand went to his face, my thumb caressed just at the side of his mouth, where all emotions played out. Visible and without restraint.

"You didn't leave," I mumbled. He shook his head and leaned into my touch, his eyelids dropped down for a second as he savored my touch; when he opened them again, they softened and he said, "No, not without you."

A part of me wanted to ask more, to know what happened but he was in no condition to talk. My hand slowly left his face and every possible scenario flipped through my mind.

All of that faded away when Alex shifted to take my face between his big, strong hand.

It was warm, secure, almost fierce in its hold.

I couldn't believe this. My tears broke free, slipping into the palm of his hand. He shook his head, "Please, don't cry," he swept his thumbs beneath the hollow of my eyes, capturing all the relief spilling from me.

I shook my head, he doesn't know why I am crying. I marched forward and my arms sneaked around his neck, holding him, feeling him, he is alive and he is here. My heart thudded and I cried, tingles spread over every inch of my body. He is here.

And he is mine. My man. My everything. Whoever he is, whether he is the one who had someone's blood over his shirt or the sweet man he is with me, I want him.

I breathed him in. Closing my eyes, I let my senses take over, feeling him, savoring his touch and voice. I couldn't live without him. This beautiful broken man had given me his heart, and in return, I had laid mine in his palms.

He looked at me, his hair a mess, his eyes filled with our future and swimming with our past.

The past he had finally found the courage to face. He didn't say, but I felt it. A big part of me knows exactly whose blood this is.

I could feel his heart, pounding at mine. No words were exchanged, they weren't needed. We felt each other, every emotion he felt, I felt it too.

We were two broken hearts. Two broken halves finally making a whole.

I took his bloodied hand in mine, my fingers ran over the inside of his palm before they intertwined with his. For a moment, we just stared, before his mouth edged in the softest, sweetest broken smile.

I smiled back, a hopeful one through my tears, "We are in this together."

And I knew...I just knew, this was our new start.

*********************************

Kind of important author note:

Happy ending? Not exactly. Sad Ending? Not really. There is a grey area in between and that's where this story lays.
There was no way to end it with a happily ever after. It doesn't work that way, not after everything that has happened.

I know a lot of you wanted Nikolas to be alive, even I wanted that at a point but that would've never worked. His relationship with Alex would've never worked. They both built this brotherhood over two little kids, but they're not those kids anymore.

And Nik said it himself he lost all those years, 34 years of his life went like this, he knew he was never gonna get better, he wanted to die, to give his brother peace and to give himself that.

He wasn't gonna find love again, not because of anything just because there is no woman in this world, who would accept to be with a rapist. If he lived, he would've just gotten more hurt. At least now, he gave himself and Alex something, a closure to that past.

Now, if this ending didn't satisfy you just because you wanted Nikolas to be alive, please don't hate on the book. I have died to get this book done. It was the worst and the best journey.

Anyway, there is still an epilogue left. But the end is actually here, the epilogue is just the aftermath of everything. It's them trying to heal and move on.

Also, the mafia things that were mentioned, they are important for the next book (Emma's and Romans'), Isaac will be a part of that book, you will get what I mean with a scene in the epilogue. And we will understand his motives behind of what he's done.

I'll see you all in the epilogue. Love ya!