"Life is the art of dying."
-ATTICUS

*********

[NOT EDITED]

Alex's POV

"So, you and doctor handsome were shacking it up yesterday, huh?" I teased Cara as I cut off another piece of the pancake.

Her beautiful eyes narrowed at me, "We weren't shacking it up." She said mockingly, trying to imitate my voice.

"First of all, I don't sound like that," I said, dredging a piece through the pooling syrup on my plate. I popped it in my mouth and for a minute there, I forgot that Cara even existed. God, this tasted so good. You see, that's why you should get married, you can have a good night sex then you wake up and a mouth-watering breakfast awaits you and then you can have a post-breakfast sex and life is all good again.

Simple as that.

"Second of all, I saw you walking with him to somewhere," I added as I enjoyed the heavenly taste in my mouth. Cara's eyes dug a hole into my skin as she chewed on her food, she held up the rolled pancake with her fork and pointed it toward me, "He was only taking me to his friend."

My eyebrows creased together, "And why exactly would he take you to his friend?" I asked as I edged forward a fraction and my hand went to her face. With my thumb, I wiped the bit of the syrup from over the corner of her lips, "His friend who is a doctor, and I am pregnant as you know-" She tried to say but her words took a pause and she inhaled deeply when I pulled my hand back and placed the tip of my thumb to my mouth and sucked the sweetness of the syrup.

"You were saying?" I said, still waiting for her answer, pulling the most innocent look I could master.

Her throat bobbed and she blinked, "Uh, yeah and I was getting tired lately so I went for a check-up to make sure everything is okay, that's all."

My eyebrows pulled together in concern, "And what did he say, is everything okay?"

She nodded her head, assuring me. "Yeah and-"

Our conversation got cut when Linda came into the room and greeted us with a small smile, "Good morning."

"Morning," I said, flashing her a polite smile before I let my gaze drop back on Cara, still waiting for her answer.

"Yeah, it's all okay, he just prescribed me some vitamins, nothing important...Oh, wait-" she pressed her palm over her head, "Ugh, I forgot to get them yesterday."

"If you want, I am going to the supermarket now," Linda said, "There is a pharmacy just beside it, I can get them for you."

Cara flashed her an appreciated smile, "Yeah, that would be great. Thank you." She climbed to her feet, "Let me get you the prescription."

As I popped another bite of the pancake into my mouth, I felt someone pulling at the hem of my shirt from the side. I turned to look at Lilly who had her mouth wide open reminding me to feed her.

"You still here?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. She narrowed her eyes at me and pointed at her mouth, ordering me to give her some food.

I cut a small piece and inched it to her little mouth. She chewed on her food and ushered me to get closer to her and so I did. Her hand went to my mouth and she wiped the corner of my lips with her thumb, then she pulled it her mouth and sucked it, just like I did to Cara.

My eyes widened, "Holy shit, you don't do that!" Panic flared between my words, "Don't ever do that in front of your mother, she'll kill me!"

God, I should be more careful when I am around her, she seems to catch everything so fast.

Lilly tilted her head and stared at me, ever so innocently, "Holy shit." She said, as if testing how the word would come out of her mouth.

My eyes grew wider and I dropped the fork down, "What..what what did you just say?!"

She smiled, feeling accomplished, "Holy shit."

"NO, NO, NO!" I screamed, "Don't say that!"

Her brows pulled into a frown; as if she didn't understand why I got all riled up at two simple words. And that was a big mistake because it only made her say it again.

"Lilly stop saying that!"

"Holy shit."

Oh my god, Cara is so going to kill me.

On cue, she walked back into the kitchen and seated herself on the chair facing us and was ready to dive back into her breakfast but Lilly interrupted her, "Mommy, hol-" I pressed my palm over her mouth shushing her before those two specific words tumble out.

A frown creased Cara's eyebrows as she confusingly eyed me, "What are you doing?"

Lilly tried to free her face from my hand and that only made me tighten my hold over her. A groan came from her side and she bit the inside of palm. She freaking bit the inside of my palm.

True she is young, but mind you, her teeth are sharp and that did hurt.

I winced and pulled my hand away, "Alis!" She said in anger and her eyes shot me a warning glare as if scolding me for covering her mouth.

Cara looked at us both dumbfounded, "What's wrong?"

Lilly looked at her mother and I embraced myself for the impact.

"Mommy, Alis, my mouth!" She said and I released a relieved breath. That was so close.

"Alex covered your mouth?" Cara said with a caring voice. She glanced at her adoringly and ushered her to get closer, "Come here, I will kick him later for that."

Lilly went off the chair and scurried to her mother. Cara pulled her into her lap and kissed her everywhere. Lilly gave me an unfazed look as her mother bombarded her with kisses.

That little minx.

I dove back into my plate but, unfortunately, that didn't last long.

"Mommy, holy shit."

I facepalmed.

"WHAT?" Cara screamed in shock, before her wide eyes settled on me, eyeing the source, she scolded, "ALEX!"

I wanted to slam my head against the table. I swear I almost did it.

You see, and that's why you shouldn't have kids.

**********

"You are not coming in?" Cara's brow quirked in question as we stood by the hospital's main door.

I shook my head, "Not really." I said as I checked my phone, "I got something to do."

A frown crossed her face at my words before she stretched out her hand and grasped mine, "Uh, no, don't go, just come with us inside."

My brow arched, "Why?"

She innocently shrugged, "Nothing, I just thought...I mean don't you wanna see Katherine? And we haven't spent much time together, I just thought..you know."

"Cara, I got something to do, when I am done, I'll come back." I clarified.

Lilly tugged at Cara's pants, "Mommy, go!" She said, pointing at the hospital.

Cara rested her hand over Lilly's hair, "Alex, please, just come with us, you can do your thing lat-"

"Cara, what are you trying to do?" My voice came a bit harsh as I interrupted the rest words from leaving her mouth.

I knew what she is trying to do.

Postponing the inevitable.

She blanched and her eyes darted all over my face as she shook her head, "Nothing." She swallowed hard and mumbled, "I just want to spend more time with you."

Her eyes dropped to the ground, not meeting mine on purpose, scared I may read the lie behind her words, because that's not why she doesn't want me to go. I know her, better than anyone.

In her own way, now she is trying to protect me.

Her eyes hesitantly lifted up and darted across my face. Her head tilted a bit, silently pleading me to stay. I eventually gave up and gave her a nod, "Okay. I guess I can go later."

Her face lit up at my words and she slanted me an accomplished smile. I mirrored her smile before I threw my arm around her shoulder. I pulled her to my side and kissed the top of her head before we made our way inside.

I guess I can do it later, I mean he isn't going anywhere, right?

When we were a few steps away from Katherine's room, my steps took a pause making Cara halt in her step as well. She gave me a questioning look, "What?"

My eyes flickered from the room's door to her, "Uh, I think I am gonna stay here." Confusion emanated off her in waves so I carried on, "Katherine kind of told me that she doesn't want to see me."

Her eyes grew wider, "Why did she say that? What happened?"

I shrugged, "We kind of had a fight."

"You and Katherine fought?" Her brow arched in amusement, "Woah, I thought I am gonna die before I see this day."

I rolled my eyes at her mocking tone and turned my head to the other side, "We always fight." I scratched the back of my neck and mumbled, "She can be so annoying sometimes."

Cara's eyes narrowed, "Okay, just suck it up and come inside." She waved me off, "She probably didn't mean it."

My attention drifted away from her when I felt the phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out, eyeing the caller's ID, I said, "Just let me take this call and I'll follow you."

Her eyes flashed to my phone for a mere second before she nodded her head, took Lilly's hand and went to the room. When I saw her get in and close the door behind her, I walked to the waiting area and sat on one of the chairs. I held the phone to my ear, hearing Ronald's voice at the other end, I said, "I'll be a little bit late, wait for me there."

We exchanged a couple of words before I hung up. I stayed seated in my place and tried to make sense of the weird feeling that took over my being since last night. I ran my hand in my hair and hoped something, anything would just ease some of the nerves knotting my stomach.

When I heard light footsteps nearing me, my head immediately turned to the side to see as Katherine seated herself beside me and gave me the most innocent look she could master.

She wasn't wearing the hospital's gown anymore, instead, she had a pant and a shirt on.

I gave her an unfazed look and turned my head away, totally not interested. She got closer and nudged my shoulder with hers. I crossed my arms over my chest and kept on ignoring her.

She took hold of my arm and placed it around her shoulder as she got even closer, her head laid over my shoulder, "I am so sorry." She mumbled lowly in my shirt before her arms snaked around my waist and hugged me, "I love you."

Softly, I smiled before I tightly wrapped my arm around her, the side of my head lightly rested over hers and I mumbled, "I love you too."

She lifted her head from over my shoulder, hopeful eyes darted across my face and a relieved smile tugged at her lips. A low sigh sneaked past her lips, her head tilted a bit, "It's just you two are so important to me and when I see you both hurt, it...it breaks my heart." She shook her head, "What I said yesterday, I was just...I mean it was.." She tried to explain but I shook my head stopping the rest words from leaving her mouth, "I know." I said with a nod, "I understand."

She slanted me a genuine smile and her eyes had that little twinkle in them. "So, are you gonna be discharged from here today?" I asked to which she nodded, "Yup, we are just waiting for the doctor to come over so they can finish up some paperwork and then I can go." She gave the yay-me-look and sounded so thrilled by the fact she is finally leaving this place.

I smiled at her expression, "That's great."

"Also, uh-" She tucked the loosened strand of her hair behind her ear, she looked nervous as she carried on, "Today when I checked my phone and saw the date-" Her eyebrows pulled together guiltily, "I hated myself so much for forgetting to wish you a happy birthday yesterday." She placed her head in her hands and shook it, "I feel so bad, I am so sorry, I am so sorry, I am so.."

I chuckled and shook my head, "It's okay." I said interrupting her mumbling, "There are way more important things going on now for us to focus on my birthday."

She shook her head, "Even though! It's your birthday, it's a special day." A frown creased her forehead, "What would've I done if you weren't born, huh?" Her brow arched, "How could've I handled Ashton on my own?" She shook her head, "When all this is over, we gonna go celebrate your birthday, okay? Just you and me." She extended her hand, "Deal?"

With a smile, I shook her hand, "Deal."

She pulled her hand back and gave me that look, "So," The teasing tone was so evident, "What happened?" she pulled her lower lip into her mouth anticipating my answer and excited, "Did you two make up?"

"Well, I am not the one to kiss and tell," My brow raised, "But I am definitely not the one to have sex and shut up about it, so yeah we totally did it." I gave her a light shrug, "Three times actually."

She stopped herself from laughing then she slightly hit my arm, "I did not need to know that!"

I leaned back in my seat and a low sigh left my mouth, "I don't know what is it about your friend," My gaze drifted to Katherine, "That always makes me find my way back to her."

She smiled, "It's fate." I rolled my eyes, "You two are meant to be, so no matter what happens, you will end up together."

I rolled my eyes again, "Katherine, don't be so cheesy, it makes me wanna throw up."

She narrowed her eyes at me, "If I am talking about something sex-related, you would be all ears, wouldn't you?"

I turned my body to hers, "You have my attention now, carry on."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head before she stood up, "I am going back in there, Ashton's parents are coming over to check on me and here I am wasting my time on you."

She went into the room so I pulled myself up and followed her. Once inside, my eyes fell on Cara sitting on the bed's edge talking with both Chase and Lilly. Her gaze drifted to me and a small smile curved her lips at my sight. I gave her a wink before my gaze flicked to Ashton standing by the window, typing something on his phone.

I left Cara and Katherine talking to each other as I made my way to Ashton. He didn't seem to notice my presence at all so I slapped his shoulder making him almost jump in his place, "Son of a bitch!" He said through gritted teeth at the way I took him off guard before he shot me a glare.

My eyes widened, "Language!"

He ignored me and went back to his phone, my gaze flicked there to notice him type an email or something, "So, how is work? Am I fired yet?"

Man, since Cara came, I haven't done anything work-related. I've been throwing all the load on Ashton, he must hate me.

"Work sucks." He commented, not taking his eyes off the phone, "I've got too many things to do and I don't have the enough time to do it." He mumbled.

"Why don't you find someone else to help you?"

At my words, the movement of his fingers paused and he lifted his eyes and settled them on me. His brow arched and he questioned, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, why don't you find someone to take my place?" I didn't want to bring this up now but I had to, "I was actually thinking of selling my shares in the company, you know so, uh-" the look he gave me almost made me shut up, "So I think it's better if you start searching for another partner."

Wow, that last sentence sounded sooo gay.

"Are you kidding me right now!"

I shook my head, "Look, I don't have the time for this, I've got other things on my plate right now." I still have to figure out how to get rid of the shit my father got me stuck in, "And look at you, when was the last time you had a decent sleep?" He looked beyond exhausted, with what happened to Katherine and with all this work over his shoulders, "You can't get it all on your own and I can't keep you waiting for me, I don't know when I will be back."

Okay and that one sounded gay too.

What's with me today?

I feel like I am breaking up with him.

I pushed those thoughts away when I noticed the very angry look in his eyes. He looked ready to lunch forward and kick me in the guts. I cautiously took few steps backward, you know, just in case.

"That's not happening." He commented with a firm shake of his head.

"Look, I know the company is like our baby but you know when the parents get divorced, only one of them takes custody of the child-" I tried to clarify but that only seemed to anger him more. Gosh, he scares me when he's angry. "And well, I am giving you the full custody."

Haha, I need to stop talking. I shouldn't be allowed to talk.

"Alex, this is not funny." He said.

"I know." I said, "But you know that it's true." My eyebrows pulled together, "Not the divorce thing, I mean the finding someone else thing." I tapped my hand over his shoulder and smiled, "I am not divorcing you anytime soon, don't worry."

He shrugged my hand off, "I am not gonna search for anyone else. When you're done with all this, you'll get back to work like nothing had happened, okay?"

I rolled my eyes at his stubbornness. Maybe I should divorce him for real, "So what now? Are you comfortable like this, having to do everything on your own?"

"Yes, I am." He said before his eyebrows furrowed in uncertainty, "And I cannot work with someone else, I am only used to work with you."

I shrugged, "Yeah, I only can handle you." I smiled at his annoyed expression, "Aww you love me so much, don't you?"

He shot me another glare and went back to his phone, totally ignoring me. I threw my arm over his shoulder, "Ah, just admit it, you can't live without me. If I died, you'll die right after me."

He again removed my arm away from him and questioning eyes darted across my face, "You seem to bring the death subject a lot lately."

His words somehow let the smile slip off my face. I shrugged nonchalantly as I gazed outside the window, "Well, in the end, we all are going die, aren't we?"

Death.

That word alone used to scare me.

Well, not anymore.

Because death, is not the greatest loss in our life.

The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.

**********

Cara's POV

My attention drifted from the conversation Katherine and Ashton's sister - Zoe - were having and my gaze fell on Chase and Lilly sitting together at the couch silently playing together. I smiled at how cute they looked like this, playing like normal decent people without trying to rip each other's head off.

Zoe's son, Zack left his mother's side and walked toward them. He was a cute little boy too, probably a year older than Chase. "Hey." He said, looking at Lilly.

Lilly lifted her head from the car toy she is playing with and looked at him. He titled his head, "What's your name?"

"Her name is Leya," Chase answered on her behalf making Lilly give him the dirtiest look she could master.

"Wow, like princess Leya?" Zack asked, his eyes growing wide in astonishment.

Lilly looked confused at his words and I just sat there and eyed those little kids.

"You're so pretty." Zack said out of nowhere making Lilly break into a bright smile, "I know." She said nonchalantly before she moved the car toy over the couch and made it crash with Chase's leg.

Oh my god, this girl.

"Do you want to play with me?" He asked as he held the iPad, showing it to her.

Lilly's gaze drifted to him. She let go of the car and nodded her head excitedly and was ready to get off the couch but Chase held her arm stopping her, "No!" He said to Zack, "She is playing with me."

Lilly pushed Chase away from her and shot him a glare before she went off the couch and walked with Zack to the near chair and sat there and played with him on the iPad.

My gaze went back to Chase who had his arms crossed over his chest, angrily eyeing them. I got up to my feet and walked to him. I sat by his side and asked, "What's wrong?"

Lines etched between his brows as he turned to me, "Can you put her back in your tummy?"

I chuckled, "Why though? She is not hitting you."

"She is playing with Zack." He said, "I want her play with me."

I placed my arm around him, side hugged him as I pulled his little body to me, "But look at it this way, Zack will leave in a while and then she'll have no choice but come back and play with you again, right?" (a/n: Too much foreshadowing going on here lol xD)

He gave me a confused but hopeful look, my smile widened at his very innocent beautiful eyes as they looked up at me. I leaned down and kissed the top of his head before I went off and left the room to use the restroom just outside.

Minutes later, when I was done, I made my way back to the room. I paused in my steps when I felt dizziness take over my sight in full force. My hand shot up and held into the wall, trying to steady myself. I blinked and tried to focus my vision but it felt like everything around me was moving in slow motion.

I pressed them shut again and tried to understand the sudden feeling that took over my being.

The voices around me dimmed, a fading background noise that made no sense. My breathing quickened, I could hear the sound of my harsh breaths as they pushed in and out of my lungs. My whole body felt out of control, my heart beating a million miles a minute, like a stampeding warning crashing through my body, telling me there is something not quite right.

"You okay there?"

My eyes snapped open at the very familiar sound my ears recognized. My eyes widened as they clashed with his and as a reflex, I staggered backward. My stomach twisted into the tightest knot as the sight of him slammed me somewhere in my subconscious, my throat grew dry as I tried to form words and talk, "How are you here?"

The fear that constricted my chest was due to the shock of seeing him here and now. I thought he was no longer an issue we should worry about, but...but why is he here now? What does he want?

His eyebrow raised and he edged his body forward a fraction only making me move backward. The logic part of my brain tried to kick in and convince me that he won't hurt me now, here in public, in front of everyone but something about the look in his eyes, that very familiar look made me shake with fear. I thought I got over this, I thought I no longer feared him, then why can't I control all these feelings brimming at my chest.

A smile crawled its way to his face, that smile, that same smile, "What are you running from, love?"

"You're not supposed to be here." My voice came out weak, so weak.

That smile stayed there as he pulled his hand up, with his finger he poked the side of my head, "But aren't I always here?"

A war of emotion spun through me and my mind tumbled through a roller coaster of memories I buried deep down. I wanted to run away because everything about this screamed danger — but why I couldn't get myself to move a muscle? Why did it feel like this is a dream and I got no control over it?

His fingers moved and tucked my hair behind my ear before his hand went to the back of my neck and drew me closer to him, dangerously close, leaving little-to-no-gap between us.

The overwhelming feeling rushing over me snapped all the air from my lungs and intensified the fear prickling under the surface of my skin. My heart shook with both disbelief and confusion. Why can't I move away? Why am I not the one in control of my own body?

What is happening to me?

"Get away from me." I mastered the little to no courage left in me and let those words tumble out.

After being thrown headfirst into all these tumultuous memories, my mind screamed at my limbs to move, to go away, far away from here, from him.

Finally, my body reacted to the order my brain issued and I pushed myself away from him, "I said get away from me!" My voice came loud, but I wasn't sure if it's due to strength or just the fear of breaking down.

He seemed to not listen to me because he only moved forward, not planning on letting me go anytime soon. My hands shot out in defense and I pushed him away, "Don't touch me!"

He went for my arms, his hand grasped my flesh pulling me to him, "Don't make this harder." He grated through clenched teeth. I didn't let him though, I still fought back, "Let me go! Get away!" I snapped and I didn't understand why the people around me didn't notice the uncomfortableness of this situation.

Why no one helped me?

Is no one hearing my screams?

It felt like both he and I are trapped in this bubble that's concealing us from everyone else.

Every nerve in my body fired up and I still fought back. I felt the wetness over my cheek and I pressed my eyes shut. I allowed my hands only to defend me, "Leave me alone! Get away, get away!" I screamed as I pushed away from the hands that tried to reach out for me, "Get away from me!"

"Leave me alone." Words tumbled hoarsely from my constrained throat. The hands I tried with all my power to keep away took hold of both of my arms, trying to keep me still in my place. The words that roamed around me only passed by my ears but they never made it inside.

I didn't listen to a word he was saying.

I didn't understand.

I didn't understand the way I was feeling, it's like the deepest layer of my subconscious has raised up to the top and took over me, trapping me inside my own mind, suffocating me.

I still pushed those hands away, I still refused to recognize the voice I am hearing, the words, the touch...it's just...I don't know — I just don't know.

"Cara! Goddammit, Cara look at me-"

That voice.

I know that voice.

I stopped pushing those hands away and I allowed my eyelids to glide open to first meet his wild eyes staring at me, both in worry and confusion.

The air rushed back into my lungs with so much force almost knocking me backward. My heart rattled in my chest, "Alex." His name left my mouth as a mere whisper as I breathed in his name.

"What's wrong?"

My gaze left him and wandered around, taking into my surroundings. I couldn't make sense of anything. My gaze found Alex again, his worried eyes roamed my face, searching for an answer.

Both of his hands were wrapped around my arms, keeping me in my place, probably the way he tried to stop me from hitting...him.

But...

He was here. I saw him. I heard him. I felt him.

How?

"Cara, what just happened?" Alex's worried tone pulled me back in. His hand left my arm and went to my face. He wiped the tears staining my cheeks and whispered, "What's wrong?"

"He was here." I tried to say. My eyes kept their search, I am sure, he was here, I am not dreaming, am I? I am not imagining things?

I felt his touch. I felt it.

I know it because only his touch could stir this much fear in me.

With his hand, he turned my face back to him, "Who was here?"

I blinked and said, "Nikolas."

A frown creased his forehead and he shook his head, "That's...That is not possible."

"But..." I saw him.

Confusion emanated off Alex in waves, "Cara there is no way he was here." He tried to assure me but that only made my fear grow more, "I just talked with Ronald, and he's with him." He clarified.

The feeling of anxiety and dread steadily built up in my gut with each passing second. With my hands, I tried to wipe away the tears from over my cheek. I pulled in a deep gulp of air and removed the hair that fell over my face away, "I...uh I don't feel so good." I am losing my mind for sure. My leg bounced with the nerves prodding my anxious feet as I weakly asked, "Can we go home?"

Alex nodded his head, "Yeah sure," He said as his eyes caressed my face with a gentle look, "I'll go get Lilly and then we can leave."

Nodding weakly, I said, "Can you give me the car keys, I'll wait for you in there." Every cell in my being needed to get away from here, right now.

He pulled the keys from his pocket and handed them to me. Without wasting any second, I grasped them from his hand and immediately turned around, more than ready to leave this place. Nerves twisted my stomach and I quickly left the hospital and made my way to the parking lot. When I reached the car, I pressed the button on the remote, unlocking it.

Impatiently, my hand shot forward to grab the handle and open the door but something made me freeze dead in my place.

I felt him behind me. I knew it was him. I just knew. It still stopped my heart, it's like his presence is a tether that led me right back into the past. My hand froze on the door's handle and I pressed my eyes shut, "You are not real. You are not real." I mumbled to myself as I breathed in and out. Moisture gathered in my eyes as fear tightened its hold over my throat, and the next words hoarsely tumbled out, "You can't be real."

But I felt it. I felt his front press against my back. He was here. I felt him. I felt the hand that traveled to my arm and fell onto my wrist, grasping it, pulling it away from the door. I felt his breath against my neck as he whispered the words out, "Are you sure?"

I shook my head, my pulse thundered and every feeling I endured minutes ago now took over me in full force. The pain that bore down my chest, squeezed and suffocated, left me out of a breath. I felt my knees going weak, ready to buckle and make me collapse over the ground.

I felt weak.

Body and soul.

I wasn't the one in control of my feelings...even my actions felt beyond my control.

Like a marionette puppet, someone holding the strings and forcing me to move and act in ways I didn't understand.

His fingers that were wrapped over my wrist slowly let go, they ever so lightly moved over my arm, tracing a pattern as they reached my shoulder. The same hands removed my hair back, exposing my neck. I felt his head move closer to me, his lips just beside my ear, each breath he took hit my exposed skin, shattering my inside into tiny pieces.

Everything I lived in the past two years, everything I thought I was over, the things I thought I moved on from, now presented themselves in front of my bare eyes. Images flashed, voices echoed, I could no longer tell what's real and what's not. In my head, it felt like there is a room, a one I never entered, a one I just got locked in with no way of escaping.

"I promised to ruin your life," He said, his voice only for me to hear, "I gotta keep that promise love." His thumb grazed the side of my neck making me press my eyes shut, trying somehow to run away from this, "I am not quite finished with you yet." His hand traveled to my stomach and his palm pressed there, "There is still this little kid that we need to take care of."

At that moment, I felt like I was being shaken back to reality. I no longer felt his touch, I no longer felt him. My pulse stuttered. I swallowed past the despair clogging my throat and my eyelids slowly glided open before they fell onto my side when I felt a tug on my pants.

Lilly's eyes were on me, a frown creasing her forehead, and her head tilted a bit as she softly said, "Mommy."

A tremor rocked my body. Bewilderment spiraled through me as I turned around and looked behind me, around me, searching for the source of the uneasiness that wrapped around my lungs like a cloak. My eyes couldn't find him, he wasn't here, but, he was just here second ago.

He couldn't just disappear,  he couldn't, he just couldn't...

What in god's name is happening to me?

A hand over my shoulder almost made me jump in my place. I turned to Alex, his brow creased with confusion and zero clarity of the crazy insane things going on in my head, "Are you okay?" He asked, trying to make sense of what's wrong.

But I myself didn't know what's wrong.

I slowly shook my head. I was far from okay. Just minutes ago, there was nothing with me. I woke up with a smile on my face today, ready for a fresh start but -- how could this happen now?

Am I not allowed to be happy?

"What..-" His eyes darted over my face helplessly, "What can I do?"

"Just please take me home." I weakly said, my voice quivered, on the verge of breaking.

He gave me a nod before he leaned forward and opened the door for me, I got in and tried with everything in me to relax my tightened muscles. Alex buckled Lilly in her seat before he got inside too and drove us back home. His hand held mine all the way, his thumb stroking my skin and I held onto him too, trying to keep my mind focused on what's actually happening, trying to be the one in control.

By the time we reached the house, I was feeling a little better. My mind had stopped messing with me and the feelings that brimmed my chest stabilized, allowing me to breathe normally.

"Mommy, I am hungry," Lilly said, more like whined, the moment we stepped into the house.

"Leave mommy alone, I'll make you something." Alex said before he grabbed her and pulled her into his arms, "Come here."

"No, it's.. it's okay. I'll prepare something. We can all eat together." I said and tried to put on a smile on my face to show him that I am okay. I felt like being around them took my mind off whatever happened and I need to keep my mind occupied at the moment with something, with anything or else...or else you know what happens.

Alex gave me a look I understood, he didn't seem to buy my smile or my words. I shook my head stopping him from saying anything, "I feel better." I need to feel better, "You can help me." I just didn't want to be alone.

"Okay." He muttered. He still looked uncertain of my words but he pushed that away and helped me prepare us all something to eat.

To be honest, my mind slowly started to let go of everything else as Alex and I talked. He seemed to know how to busy my mind and make me forget.

Time passed fast and by the end, I felt a little relieved, that none of those things happened again.

Alex's phone rang from the other room, interrupting our conversation, " I'll go get that." He said.

"Okay and I'll prepare the table."

I took three plates out of the cabinet and placed forks and knives for the three of us on the top before I held them all and made my way to the dining room.

"Not so fast, love."

I stopped dead in my track.

No, no, not again. Please, not this again.

"Leave me alone!" I grated out through clenched teeth.

Cara focus, please focus. This is not real, he is not here. Come on Cara, you can get through this. Control your mind, control it.

He stepped forward and shook his head, "Not going to leave anytime soon." He took one of the knives laying over the plate and traced its edge before his eyes fell on me, "I told you that we need to take care of that first." His eyes dropped to my stomach before he edged a fraction and the knife in his hand went to my belly. My eyes widened when I felt its coldness against my skin, he moved it slowly before his eyes hardened and he pressed it further against my belly.

My whole body shook, I gasped or maybe I even screamed. I don't know.

Maybe the plates fell from me. I didn't know.

Nothing made sense after.

**********

Alex's POV

My attention drifted from the phone's call and went to Cara as I heard her saying something. I walked further and saw her standing by the kitchen's door, Lilly was right in front of her, mumbling something.

My eyes widened when I saw the plates shake in her hand and almost fell. Fear seized my heart and I don't know how I threw my phone away or how I ran there so fast, or how I pushed Lilly away with so much force but what I know is the pain I felt when the plates fell crashing over my arm. I winced as I felt the glass pierce into my skin but I ignored that when I heard Lilly's loud cries. Fear lifted the hairs at the nape of my neck as I eyed her, she was on the floor, crying her eyes out. A relieved breath rushed into my lungs and I thanked the stars when I noticed that nothing happened to her.

My head lifted up to look at Cara, who had her eyes wide as her gaze went from Lilly to me. My jaw clenched, "Cara do something!" I snapped. At least, she can go check Lilly. If I did that, she'll be scared of all the blood dripping down my arm.

She only shook her head before she turned around and stormed the hell out of the kitchen.

"What the-"

I turned to Lilly and inched my body closer to her. I kept my other arm away from her sight and ignored the burning pain as I pulled her to me and hugged her, "Hey, hey, don't cry." I tried to soothe her, "I pushed you away, I am so sorry little bug." I kissed the top of her head as she buried her face in my chest and cried into my shirt, "Shush, it's okay."

"Oh my god, what happened?" Linda gasped when she got into the room, "Can you take her?" I asked pointing my head at Lilly, "I need to go check on Cara."

She immediately scurried forward and took Lilly from me. Her eyes widened when they fell on my arm, "Oh my god Alex, your arm, it looks so bad!"

I shook my head, "Just make sure she doesn't step over the glass." I said as I pulled myself to my feet. She nodded her head, "Okay, I'll calm her down, then I'll clean this up." She worriedly eyed my arm, "Just take care of your arm, please."

I nodded before I grabbed a small towel from beside me and tried to wipe the blood from over my arm. I clenched my teeth and my fist clenched as the pain radiated to my bones. I opened the drawer where we keep the first-aid kit and took the bandage from there. I carelessly wrapped it around my arm before I went to the bedroom to check on Cara.

I was first met by the sound of her muffled sobs when I reached the room. She was sitting on the bed's edge, her head in her hands as she cried her heart out. I walked closer and sat by her side, my arm went around her and I pulled her body to me. She lifted her head from her hands and her eyes punched me with a heartache.

"What's happening to me?" She choked down the sob fighting to break free, "I hurt you, I almost hurt Lilly..why can't I...I just can't, I don't know what's real from what's not.." Tears slid down freely twisting my heart before she inched closer and buried her face in my chest, "What's happening to me?" She mumbled again and again in my chest.

I didn't have an answer for that.

Was it because of me? Was it because yesterday, I made her talk about it? Did I open a door, now she can't close?

"I was gonna hurt my own daughter, Alex." She mumbled brokenly, "I don't trust myself to be around her alone, please don't...don't leave me alone with her."

My arms around her only tightened, "Don't say that." My jaw clenched, there is one reason, one person only behind all this, "You would never hurt her." I said in her hair, "It's just you've been through a lot baby, this happens sometimes. Sometimes, you can't just get over it so easily."

She lifted her eyes and looked at me, I held her face in my hand, "You'll be okay, I promise, you'll be okay." She held onto my hands and buried her face deeper into my hold and she nodded.

"Come here." I pulled her again into my arms, where she slowly relaxed. Minutes later, after all the crying, her body spiraled into exhaustion and she fell asleep. I placed her head over the pillow and pulled the blanket over her body before I went down.

When I saw Linda, I said, "If Cara wakes up, call me right away, okay?" She immediately nodded, "Don't ignore your arm, go to a hospital, it may need stitches." She said worriedly.

"I will, but first-" My jaw tightened, "There is something I need to take care of."

I drove fast, so fast, speeding full force and passing others cars. I needed to be there as soon as possible. I needed to do what I was waiting all day long for.

Seeing Cara this way, only added reasons to my upcoming action.

I stopped the car by the house, killed the engine and went down so fast. Anger burned deep in my spirit, a feeling I despised, but one I'd been experiencing more and more lately. Within seconds, I found myself down the stairs, passing through the opened door, Ronald was already there, waiting for me.

My eyes fell on the fucker, I immediately ushered Ronald to hold him up. Rage brimmed and spiraled. Everything flashed and I was in his face. I rushed him, shoving him in the chest before my hands met his skin, craving for destruction. Before pulling the trigger, I needed to feel his bones break beneath my touch, I needed to let that much anger spur forward, it needed a release.

Hatred flared as I punched him again and again. My fist connected under his jaw making his head rock back. Pain split my consciousness, my arm was hurting like a bitch but that pain couldn't come equally to the anger. I couldn't stop, I didn't want to stop. I just pounded into him, landing blow after blow, feeling the sickening satisfaction take over me as the anger finally sought a release.

He didn't do anything to stop me. He just stood there, like a punching bag, receiving my blows, feeling the impact but no reaction came from his side. Blood decorated his face but I wasn't satisfied. It wasn't enough, no, I needed more. I clung more into the anger as I rammed a sharp fist into his ribs. Breath gushed from his lungs, a groan of pain almost left him but I didn't give him time to process the hit as I went for his stomach this time making him stagger forward in pain. I moved away as he bent down, clutching his stomach, coughing blood. It spilled past his mouth and fell into the floor, tainting it with his poisonous disgusting blood.

I took my chance, I cocked my elbow before I rammed it against the base of his neck. The blow sent him to his knees, it wasn't just a mere groan that left his mouth, it was a scream of pain that fed the flame in my chest and added more to my satisfaction. I wasn't an expert at this, I wasn't trained, not like him. My actions, all my actions were driven by anger. My blows went to his vulnerable points only to drag him down but not to let loose of his conscious. I needed him awake, I needed to look in his eyes as I pull the damn trigger.

In front of me he is, on his knees, his head bowed down as he gasped for a breath. My fingers went to the back of his head, wrapped around his hair before I harshly jerked his head backward and made him face me, "See, you are a man, a fucking man and that did hurt-" I spat out, "What about her, huh? How was she able to take that pain?!" My voice and the harsh breaths that punched out of my lungs engulfed the room as the scars on her back flashed behind my eyes.

The only thing I felt was myself coming apart at the seams.

"If you just kept her out of this-" I grated out, "If you just didn't cross that damn line! If you only kept your fight with me." I would've forgiven you. I left the last sentence to myself because no matter what, this can never happen now, because he brought her into this, because he punished her for a mistake she didn't commit and dragged her into a fight that's not even hers.

I leveled my gaze with him, "You wanted to repeat the past, right, to make her go through what your mother went through..." My brow arched, "But why don't understand that your mother deserved what she got, she brought it to herself but what was Cara's fault, huh? What wrong did she do?"

My jaw tightened, "Why, just why did you have to bring her into this?"

He didn't give me my answer right away, "Because if I didn't," He slurred and lightly shook his head, "You would've not been this much hurt right now."

I released his hair and shifted in agitation as I stood up straight. Dizziness swarmed over my vision making my gaze fall on my arm to notice that the white material of the bandage is now all red, tainted with my blood. I ignored that as I pulled my gun out. Pulling back the safety, I pressed the barrel against his temple, "Now tell me, if I killed you, if you died, who is gonna give a shit, who is gonna cry over you, mourn you?"

I shook my head, "No one."

"Your men, they fear you, they don't respect you. When I had Lucas, he didn't want to talk not because he is loyal, it's because he was scared of what you'd do to him if he did." I said, "Your sister took the first chance to get away from you.

Your mother, after she knew what you did, she told me that she felt like she lost a son."

I pushed the gun further into his skin, "So tell me now, if you died, who is gonna even attend your funeral?" A bitter laugh rolled from my throat, "Oh wait, the better question would be, who would even make you a funeral?"

"Do you see how pathetic your existence is?" I pulled the gun away and pointed at him from up to down, "This, this is your doing. Don't blame my father, don't blame me, don't blame anyone, because you did this to yourself."

I pressed the gun back to his temple, my finger over the trigger, ready to pull it and end his life. A simple move only, a one there is no coming back from. I may hate myself after it but I'll hate myself more if I didn't do it.

His eyes lifted and he settled them on me, "What are you waiting for?" He said, the look in his eyes too familiar for me to not recognize, "Just do it."

I clenched my jaw and tightened my hold over the gun, "I hate you so much."

He smiled, "I know." He said helplessly, "Me too."

"I guess I'll see you in hell, brother," I said before I pressed my eyes shut and finally, pressed that damn trigger.

But at that same moment, I felt a hand press harshly against my arm pushing me away. My eyes widened when I saw the bullet miss him by a millimeter and go through the wall just behind him. Bewildered, I turned to the intruder and snapped, "What the hell is the matter with you?!"

Roman's eyes were wide as he stared at the wall where the bullet just went, "Oh my god, you were actually going to kill him." Anger spiraled through me, a rough rush of hatred pounding through my veins, "Of course I was going to kill him, does it look like I am playing to you?!"

He raised his hands in surrender, "Okay, just calm down - calm down-"

"Roman!" I groaned through clenched teeth. I was ready to beat the shit out of him.

"Look you can kill him after I get my answer," He started to say only feeding my anger, "Your father was here, the camera's outside caught him and I need to know what was he doing here."

I felt the frown crease my forehead, "What?" I turned to Nikolas who looked like he was just caught red-handed. My jaw ticked, "So you are telling me my father was here and he's still alive, okay this just gives me more reason to kill you." I said as I eyed the fucker, "What are you two cooking up this time?"

His gaze flickered between me and Roman, "He wanted to make a deal." He said with a scoff, "He wanted me to do what I did the first time, to take Cara away from you."

"But the only thing my father wants is your kid dead, so why would he want you to take Cara?" It didn't make sense.

"Because if he killed the child now, he'll have to hurt Cara along with him, which will make you hate him and he doesn't want that." He said, as if I don't already hate him, "But if you thought she left again, you'll hate her and when she's with me, he'll do what he actually wants and kill the child."

Looks like my father's limp dick won't rest till he ruins my life.

My brow raised, "And you gonna tell me now, that you said no to him, and I am supposed to believe that, right?"

His jaw tightened, "I know you think so low of me but for your info, I would never step that low."

I turned to Roman, "You got your answer, right?" I asked, "So you better not push me this time or I will kill you too."

He swallowed hard, "Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" He questioned.

My frown deepened, "What's the matter with you? You want him dead as much as I do."

He gave me a duh-look, "Of course I want him dead, but-" He scratched the back of his head and I understood nothing. One day, I am so going to beat the shit out of him for being so annoying.

"But I mean-" He tried to explain but I cut him off, "Because of that motherfucker, Cara is having hallucinations, so the least thing I can do, is killing him!"

A frown pinched up his face in worry, "What?"

"What?"

I turned to Nikolas, "You shut up!"

"What do you mean she is having hallucinations?" Roman asked, looking both lost and worried.

I gritted my teeth, " It means that no matter what, this bitch will always take a part in our lives."

"But she never had those before."

I turned to that bitch, "You are still talking? I didn't tell you can talk, did I?"

"But isn't it a little suspicious that she's having them out of nowhere!" He's still talking.

"No, it's not." I said, "It's called PTSD because what you did to her was so much, now that she's free, her mind is acting against it." I aimed my gun at him again and shrugged, "Which reminds me that I should kill you."

He got to his feet so fast I didn't even have the time to comprehend it. He staggered backward and held his hand up, "Hold on a second, you don't understand," He shook his head, "I used to have the same things, only because of an LSD drug your father used to put in me, and when he came here, he said that he will give you a reminder and this looks like a good damn reminder to me."

My hand slowly dropped down as I tried to make sense of what he just said, "What?"

"When did they start? The hallucinations, when they did they start?" Roman asked me, "Today's afternoon." I answered.

"Okay, did anyone of your father's men or anyone close to him get near her before that?" Nikolas asked, "Did she eat something someone else prepared?"

I shook my head and thought it through, "No, I don't think so." I blinked through my confusion, trying to catch up.

"Think about it." He said, "Did she take any pills? Did she go-"

My eyes widened and my head cocked up in shock, "The vitamins -" Realization dawned on me, She took them just before we left for the hospital.

The ones Linda got for her.

My eyes went wide as it all closed on me, and fear slithered under the surface of my skin, "Son of a bitch." I mumbled under my breath before I stormed the hell out of here.

***************

If only Roman didn't push him *rolls eyes* That bitch would've been dead now!

So, do you think Linda did that? Man, you can't trust anyone these days, eh? XD

Anyways, I am so busy with University these days, senior project and all *rolls my eyes again* So, I don't know when the next update will be so I am not gonna promise anything, but whenever I get free time, I will write, it's only around three chapters left, so I better finish them asap.

Don't hesitate to leave your thoughts, Love ya all♥️