"Two less lonely people in the world,   
and it's gonna be fine,
Out of all the people in the world,
I just can't believe you're mine,
In my life where everything was wrong, something finally went right."🎶

I can't stop listening to this song, it makes me feel like I am in love or something XD

Happy reading, well not exactly happy lol *runs away*

[NOT EDITED]

Alex's POV

I hated.

Everything and everyone.

My vision clouded with anger, and my heart pounded harder as I made my way out of the hospital. The feeling flared like a sickness clawing at the inside of my stomach. My leg bounced with the nerves prodding my anxious feet. My hands shook with that old rage, the gnawing impulse that clipped my nerves, that need to get back inside and pull him the fuck away from her.

I stopped, my steps halted and I just stood there. The mere thought of them together brought my sanity right to the edge. I fisted my hair in my hands, doing my best not to lose my shit, trying to keep from coming unglued here in the middle of the fucking day.

Anger clenched my jaw, the emotion in an all-out war with the part of me that kept giving her reasons, the part that trusted her with all its being, that part that refused to believe in what they all say...that part didn't even want to acknowledge what my eyes just saw.

But the image slammed me in quick succession - her wrapped in his arms, them being that close. More images corrupted my mind and I shook my head; I needed to stop before I do what I may later regret. When it comes to him, it is not jealousy what I feel, it is something else.. something more intense, more bitter, more agonizing... And I thought she understood that.

I tried to clear my head, I tried to breathe and suddenly I became aware of the noises beside me. My nerves were set on high alert; as if they sensed some kind of impending change in the air. I turned around to see no one but him, with Roman and other few guys.

If I was a bit angry before, then now I was right on the edge. A harsh breath rushed from my nose before I launched forward; Rage simmered in my blood, a steady build that was just about to explode. Wrapping my hands around the collar of his shirt, I pulled him away from Roman's grip and slammed his body against the near wall; "What more do you want from me?!" I bellowed, my voice filled the parking lot, the hardness of my voice matched the one wrapped around my heart.

A tremor coursed into the depth of my bones, pressing into my limbs, crushing and breaking whatever is left in me.

His eyes settled back at me, "Isn't it obvious?" He calmly let out, his expression giving nothing in. "Nothing." He said with a slight shake of his head, "Because by the end, you always win brother-" He was oddly calm, his lips lifted in a helpless smile, "You always get it all."

My hold tightened over his shirt and I pushed him further against the wall; I tried to shut down all the feelings of anger, pain, and betrayal that brimmed my chest. My throat thickened and I grated out, "What are you planning?"

He shrugged, "Nothing." He said, "I simply...give up."

I scoffed, "As if I am gonna believe that bullshit."

His lips curled up in annoyance, "Don't worry, I am not doing it for you." His eyes hardened, "I still hate you with everything in me-" His jaw tightened, "But if I hurt you..she won't forgive me and I can't lose her again because of you."

What?

"So I am giving you back your happily ever after." He added.

"After what?" My hand loosened over his shirt, my chest tightened with that unbearable ache; "After you ruined everything? After you took away everything from me?!" I snapped.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it away. "Alex, people are looking. We'll deal with this later." Roman said.

Air pushed out of my lungs and I let go of him. I took few steps backward and scrubbed my palm over my face, trying to break up my nerves but failed. I turned to Roman, "Where are you taking him?" I asked as I saw the other guys drag him away.

Roman looked back at them then turned to me. He kept silent so I asked again, "I said where are you taking him?"

He scratched his neck and hesitantly said, "I don't trust you."

My eyebrow raised, "Excuse me?"

"He is your brother. At some point, you wouldn't want to hurt him anymore and I can't let that happen." With that, he turned around and followed them to the car.

"What the fuck is wrong with everyone today!" I hissed at his retreating back. I sighed heavily and shook it away; I can easily figure out where he is taking him later. The little kid thinks he can overpower me.

As they drove away, I saw Ronald, one of the men working with me, get off the car. He approached me and from his expression, I guessed that he figured out what we discussed in the morning. "So, I did as you asked-" He started once he stopped by my side; he looked at the few documents in his hands, "It's true, your father did actually take Nikolas to some kind of hospital, where he hid him away from Isaac-" He lifted his head, "But it seems that the place doesn't exist anymore-" He said handing me few papers. I quickly scanned them, a picture of what looks like an abandoned building grabbed my attention and underneath it, the news about shutting it down was written with further details.

"I looked more into it-" he said making me lift my head, "Turned out that after some time, Isaac knew about this place and attacked it. He took Nikolas away leaving behind too many deaths...That grabbed the police's attention and when they opened an investigation, they discovered that the hospital was dealing with some kind of an illegal drug.. so after that, they shut the whole place down."

"So that gives us nothing," I said with a tired sigh.

He shook his head and his lips lifted in a smile, "Actually, you're lucky to have me because I was able to dig out something." He said as he handed me the other papers he had. My eyebrows furrowed before my gaze dropped to them.

With big bold letters, the title said; "New York State Asylum."

My head cocked up in shock, "Asylum?" I didn't understand.

"So, I have a friend who previously worked with Isaac and I was able to get this from him." He said pointing at the paper, "This place belonged to Isaac apparently-" His eyebrow raised, "And guess who they had as a patient?"

"Nikolas," I said.

He nodded, "After he saved him from your father, apparently he wasn't okay so he kept him there for a couple of years. And such a place keeps records of all their patients, about what happened to them and how they recovered. All we have to do is get our hands on these records."

My fingers wrapped tighter around the paper, "You got the address?"

He nodded, "Great, let's go then." I said as I started walking toward my car. He jogged behind me, "Wait, we need to think about this, they're not just gonna hand us what we want. There is patient's privacy and shit."

I stopped walking and turned to him, my eyebrow raised, "Who said we are going to ask for it?"

Lines etched his forehead, "What are we gonna do then?"

"We gonna steal them," I said in a matter of fact before I unlocked my car and got in. My eyes darted to the hospital's building one last time and I breathed out. This seems like a good waste of time before I have to face her again.

God only knows what's gonna happen then.

*******

"Remind me again how this is going to work-" Ronald said as I turned the engine off and stared at the building ahead of me. I turned to him and tried to explain, "So they definitely have all the patients records in the hospital's system. All I have to do is get into it and copy paste."

His eyebrows pulled together, "That simple?"

I shrugged, "Well, not really, there are gonna be passwords and all, so I need time, and there where you come young man, you gonna buy me that time."

"Hold on, hold on-" He said, "How exactly are you gonna hack through the passwords?"

I leaned forward and opened the glove box ahead of his seat; I pulled the USB flash disk and placed it in my pocket, "Let's just say I got some experience in that field."

He squinted his eyes at me, "I don't think I want to hear the answer to this but how do you know these things?"

I shrugged, "Well as a businessman, sometimes you gotta play dirty." I said. I sighed, I miss when life was simple and I had a normal job, where my biggest concern was to stay awake throughout those boring meetings Ashton used to make me attend. Good old days.

"Now stop wasting time and let's get this finished," I said before I went down. He followed, "Okay but wait-" He said and I wanted to punch him; Well he ever let us get this done?

I raised a very unsatisfied eyebrow, "How exactly I am going to buy you time?" He asked. I almost rolled my eyes and released a very annoyed breath; "I don't know, make a scene, do something. There are probably hundreds of crazy people in here, let one of them free, I don't know, set on a fire. Just do anything that'll get security busy and I can get the information we need."

I started walking toward the main gate not giving him more time to talk. With a loud sigh, he followed my steps. The security guy stopped us. He was about to ask something but Ronald stepped forward and pulled a card and handed it to him. I gave him a questioning look, he just nodded his head, telling to go on with this. The security man eyed it then looked back at us. He handed it back and pressed the button on the gate's side making it slide to the left, allowing us to enter.

"What was that you gave him?" I couldn't help but ask as we walked in.

"To get in, you need a visitor ticket -" he waved the ticket, "And like I said, you're lucky to have me-" He grinned, "I got connections."

My eyebrow raised, "You're so humble, aren't you?"

He shrugged with a very wide grin. We stopped by the door, he took a look around, "Okay, you get in. I'll go back there and see what I can do-" He pointed to what's behind the building which seemed like a really big garden where most patients were out, walking around or sitting by the benches. "I'll attract them to get outside, that'll give you time to get in and finish."

"What are you going to do?" I asked suspiciously. He grinned, "I'll be creative." He turned to me, "Get in, pretend you're here to see someone and when I make a fuss, get into the system and finish fast."

I nodded and eyed him skeptically, "Just don't hurt anyone."

He waved me off, "Yeah yeah of course. Let's finish this." He said before he walked away and I went in. The place was oddly white. From the walls to the ceiling and the ground, it was so white and bright that I felt the need to squint my eyes. I wonder how can anyone survive in such a place. At the far end, there was the receptionist desk with two ladies sitting behind. I looked at both sides, to see a hall that leads to a line of rooms but they had security men on both sides. Well, that's gonna be hard. The safest option is to get into the computer at the receptionist desk, I have to check first if they are keeping the information in there.

I walked toward it and when I reached, one of the girls lifted her head and greeted me with a polite smile, "How can I help you, sir?"

"Uh- I want to visit someone, just want to check which room," I said. She nodded her head and typed something into the keyboard; I leaned forward to see what she's doing, I stopped when she looked back at me, "What is his last name?"

Fuck. Didn't think that one through.

"Uh-" I scratched my neck; "Uh - Viarchi." I hesitantly said. I mean they do own this place so they may as well have some patients in here. She typed the name and asked, "First name?"

Okay now, this one is risky. She flashed me a smile that said please answer me already.

Just say any name Alex, any name, come on.

"Robert," I said.

Seriously Alex?

What?! For some reason, that's the first name that crossed my mind.

Her eyebrows pulled together as she eyed the screen; Her gaze went back to me and she shook her head, "I am sorry sir, but there is no one with that name."

I took that as my chance, I pressed my palms against the wooden desk and leaned forward to sneak a look at the computer, "You sure?" I said, "Check again, maybe they placed him under Rob or robbie-" I was mumbling shits just to buy myself time as I looked at the screen; and like I thought she had the system opened, where patients information were presented. I saw so many people with last name Viarchi but I couldn't read more as she turned the screen away, "Sir please, you can't look in here." She flashed me another smile that alone said, stay in your place.

Okay, Ronald, come on, it's your time to be creative, I can do this easily if she just left her place.

"Can you check again," I said as my eyes went around. I saw one of the security guys talking into this walkie-talkie thing. His eyes widened, he said something before he and his partner ran off outside the building.

Great.

"Sorry Sir, I still can't-" She was interrupted by the voice that echoed in the whole hospital, "Emergency 101, get all the patients back to their rooms. I repeat emer-" They repeated it again and like that everyone snapped; The two girls left the desk and ran off, I saw them all running, nurses and workers, all trying to get everyone back to his place. I smiled and went behind the desk; Looks like Ronald did a good job.

She had the page already opened, I connected my USB flash and went to the top of the page; I typed Nikolas's name and too many results came out. I lifted my head up to see if anyone was coming to my direction but they seemed all busy and in a rush. I turned back to the computer and typed his last name, also too many results came out, instead of wasting time, I selected them all, copied and sent them. They started to transfer and I kept checking around me waiting for it to finish loading. I sneaked a look from the window to see what's going on and god- there was a freaking fire outside. He really did listen to me.

It reached 95 percent when I saw a couple of the security guard get back into the building; I stood up, "Come on, come on-" I hissed, one eye on the computer, the other checking if anyone saw me. When it reached 100 percent, I pulled it out so fast and circled my way out of the desk. Ronald was standing by the door, he gave me a questioning look, I nodded my head and looked at the USB in my hand as I made my way out.

I curled my hand around it and looked up. In that same moment, I came crashing into someone making it drop from my hand and fall to the ground. "Fuck-" I hissed under my breath as I bent down to grab it.

"I am so sorry." A voice said. I lifted my head up, "It's okay." I said with a smile before I started to walk away.

"Excuse me, can you - can you wait for a second-" The same voice said from behind me.

I turned around to look at the woman I just collided with. My eyebrows pulled together as I asked, "You're talking with me?"

Lines etched her forehead as she stared back at me as if trying to figure something; She shook her head in disappointment, "I am sorry, I just thought you were - someone I knew." She said with a sad smile, "I am sorry again."

I gave her a smile and a small nod before I turned around and went out. "You got it?" Ronald asked once I reached him. I held it out, "Yup, got it."

A frown creased my forehead, "What exactly did you do back there?"

He smiled, "Well, let's just say one of the patients likes to play with fire so I simply gave him matches-" He shrugged, "And one of them likes sharp things so I just gave him a knife and so on." He sighed, "You were right, there are some pretty crazy people in here."

At his words, I couldn't help but turn around and sneak one last look. I couldn't help but think that Nikolas was one of them at some point.

********

Cara's POV

Night had taken hold faster than it should, only a proof that winter is still here. The wind rushed and tangled in my hair letting it move in all directions as I held onto the rail of the balcony, wrapping my fingers around the cold metal, I closed my eyes. I gathered some oxygen and pulled it into the well of my lungs, I tried to breathe in the cold air, trying to calm down some of the burning ache in my chest...trying to ease some of that tightness away but alas, nothing is working after my encounter with Nikolas a few hours ago.

I pried my eyes open and looked ahead of me. A crush of cars jammed the streets, a string of restless headlights and frustrated taillights illuminated the dark night as rush hour crammed the city. It seemed like everyone had someplace to go. As for me, I was lost with nowhere to go at the moment; the places I wanted to visit, they either do not exist or maybe they're just so far from my outreach.

My eyes flicked from the crowded streets up to the sky, and the total opposite it was. A moonless night, with no stars or whatsoever. It was plain dark. It was calm, filling me with the kind of peace I craved.

"You said that I'll be okay," I whispered, "Then why I am not?"

My hands left the cold metal, I wrapped my arms around myself trying to hold myself up in this world that keeps kicking me down, "When will I get a break?" Exhaling a heavy breath from my lungs, I added; "Why does it feel that I am losing everything?" At that, my eyes left the sky and went back into the room. Behind the glass door of the balcony, Katherine laid inside, in her bed, still deep in her sleep, not moving, only the rise and fall of her chest a proof that she's still alive.

Fear constricted my chest at the many wrong ways this can go. I hoped with all the hope I had left in me that she'll be just fine. I can't lose her too.

Cold blanketed my skin making it hard to stay outside. With heavy steps, I went back into the room. No one around but Katherine and I. After the whole Nikolas thing ended, I convinced Ashton to leave home, to change, rest a bit and see Chase. After many attempts, he finally accepted on one condition; that I call him right away if anything happened. As for Alex, I haven't seen him since he left in the morning. I wonder what he's doing and I wonder what he'll do when he discovers what I did. His reaction won't be so pleasant, that's I am sure of.

I inched toward the bed and sat on its edge, I brought my hand and gently stroked her hair. She had a bandage wrapped around her forehead and the back of her head, "Come on Katherine, wake up, please." I tilted my head, "I miss you...and I need you." I shook my head, "No one can understand what I am going through like you would."

I pulled my hand back when I felt a sudden painful contraction in my belly. My gaze dropped down as I pressed my palm against it; I swallowed hard and voiced my thoughts out, "Is it wrong that sometimes I still think that I should just.." the words clogged my throat and never made it out. If I was scared to even say them out loud, would I ever do them? Is it wrong that I still think of ending this innocent life?

"Is it selfish that I am scared?" I whispered, "Scared that every time I'll look at you, I'll just remember him." And I don't want to remember him, "What if it is better if you didn't come into this world?" What if he had to go what Alex went through, what if I unintentionally hurt him or even treat him differently, what if he paid the price of his father's mistake?

"But you're my baby too." The words left my mouth as a tear slipped past my eyes. If I hated Nikolas before, then now I hate him even more. Because of him, I am thinking of killing my own child. "I don't know what I should do.."

I know that if I did it, I will regret it right after. I am just...lost, I am so lost.

I pulled my hand away and brought it to my cheeks, wiping away the few tears that escaped. I got up to my feet but a shot of dizziness attempted to knock me back down. I pressed my palm against the mattress of the bed as I struggled to pull oxygen back to my lungs. I sat down again and blinked through the haze trying to clear my vision. I closed my eyes and massaged my temple and that's when I remembered that I haven't eaten anything today. If I keep putting my body through this stress, then even if I don't want to, I'll lose this child.

I heard the door open, I opened my eyes and turned my head to see Ashton step in. He gave me a small smile, "Hey." He said. I returned the smile, "Hey."

He inched closer, his eyes went to Katherine before they drifted back to me, his eyebrows pulled together, "Why Alex is sitting outside?"

A frown creased my forehead at his words, "Alex is here?" I asked and he nodded, "I didn't see him since the morning." I pulled myself up, "I'll go and see him." I said before I went out of the room. My eyes roamed around till they fell on him, sitting on one of the chairs in the waiting area.

Why didn't he tell me that he is here? Did he - did he know about Nikolas?

I walked toward him, he had the back of his head pressed against the wall, his eyes closed. I sat on the chair next to him and still he didn't open his eyes, almost as if he didn't notice my presence yet.

"Alex-" I hesitantly said and at that, his eyes glided open. I brought my hand to his arm but before our skin would make any contact, his hand came up and his fingers wrapped around my wrist stopping me from touching him. His eyes fell on me and he blankly said, "Don't."

I swallowed hard, "So you know-"

Dread knotted my stomach, "Can you please listen to me first," I started and he let go of my hand, "I know I should've told you before but I knew you'd get angry and -"

A frown pulled between his eyebrows, "So you think I don't have the right to be angry?"

I shook my head, "It's not that. But Alex it's not like I was enjoying his presence either."

He scoffed, "You looked like you were pretty enjoying it to me."

My eyebrows pulled together, "What?"

He shook his head and stood up, "I don't wanna talk about this." The muscles of his jaw worked as he said, "I am going home; if you want to come."

I shot up from my seat and followed him, "Wait, no, you're not going anywhere till we talk about this." I placed my hand on his shoulder stopping him, "You're overreacting, it's not that big-"

He turned around so fast making me drop my hand away; Something different took over his eyes, "Overreacting?" He said as if he couldn't believe it; He took a sudden step forward making me take one backward; "Well excuse me but seeing you wrapped in my brother's arms is not such a pleasant scene to watch!"

I almost winced at the harshness of his voice or just at his words. My throat worked trying to swallow past the rock that implanted itself there. Subdued voices came from around us, my eyes took a fast look to see few people sitting there looking at us, "Alex, calm down, people are looking-" I said as I backed away, making some space between us.

"I don't care." He hissed before his hand grabbed my forearm and pulled me closer, trapping me before I get the chance to run away, "You said you wanted to talk about it, then let's talk, come on, tell me, what happened after-" His eyebrow raised, "I am sorry I couldn't stay and watch the rest of the show, but well if you were in his arms just so your brother can catch him then you might as well had kissed him to get something out of him-"

My head cocked up in shock, his words were like a slap to the face because that actually did happen. I shuddered, guilt throbbed deep and I couldn't find the suitable words to say. His hand only wrapped tighter around my flesh, the pain in his eyes pouring from his touch; "You have to understand that you can't always fuck up and expect me to forget everything right away!"

The bleakest blackness took a hold of me as I stared back at the man I loved with everything in me, the same man I keep hurting over and over. The one who always paid the price for my impulsive actions, "Alex-"

"What? You gonna say I am overreacting?" He interrupted the words I tried to pull out of my clogged throat. "You have to understand Cara that when it comes to him I have the fucking right to overreact...I have the right to be angry!" He let go of my arm and stared back at me in disappointment, "When it comes to him, it's different-" His voice lowered, "I have the right to be angry because...because he took you away from me, he hurt you-" Agitation ratcheted higher at the pain wrapped in his words, "You're..you're married to him. For god's sake, you're having his child!"

I hated him looking at me in that way, I took a step back as the dread within me increased. His lids dropped close and he shook his head, "Put yourself in my place and then maybe you'll understand why I am overreacting." He blinked them open, his eyes swirling with all this doubt that I didn't know how can I take it away and make him understand. I stayed silent, it felt like even if I tried to explain, he won't listen or he won't believe me.

He turned his face and looked away, he raked his fingers through his hair. I could see the bob of his throat, the hard swallow as he tried to shove it all back in. When he turned back to me, I didn't know that his intention was to hurt me back but he did as the words slipped from his mouth, "Didn't your father die like two days ago?" His eyebrows knitted, "Shouldn't you be griefing his death now instead of making - plans?" He scoffed, "But that's what you always do-" He shook his head, "You always run away. When it gets too much, you just run away-"

It felt like another punch to my heart and I backed away but he didn't stop, he wanted to hurt me back like I had hurt him, "When I told you that I loved you, when I proposed to you, it felt too much and you ran away too." He said, "When your father came back, instead of telling me what's happening, you just ran away again, not thinking twice about how that'll affect us all." He continued, "And now, you're doing it again- because that's the only thing you're good at.

But keep one thing in your mind, that one of these times, when you come back, I may not be there anymore."

With that, he turned around ready to leave. I backed away till I reached the chair and dropped on it. I wiped the single tear that fell from my eye. "You're right," I said, loud enough for him to hear me. He paused his steps and I tried to swallow past the heartbreak that engulfed my whole being. Did they all make their mission to break me today?

But what they don't know is that - you can't break the broken.

"That's exactly what I do." I said, my voice came out stable and confident, "That's what I taught myself to do, that's what keeps me strong because I know that I can't feel everything so deeply. Because It scares me.

At a point in my life, I learned to run away, to block the things I don't want to face."

"You're right, when you asked me to marry you, I saw in front of me a man who had the power to destroy me and that scared me, so I ran away." My voice didn't once waver, my eyes on his back as he stood there and listened to me. "When my father came back, I saw how easily he can take the good life I had away from me, so I ran away again. Today, when Nikolas had his arms around me, I wasn't even aware of that, I was lost in my head, trying to suppress all those overwhelming feeling back in...How else do you think I am still sane after everything that has happened, after seeing one of my parents walk away from me, not just once but twice. After losing you and living in that hell hole for two years, how do you think I can stand still and face the next day?"

"That's how I do it and that's how I'll keep doing it," I said. Alex slowly turned around and looked back at me. I shook my head, "But don't deny that you're doing the exact same thing, you're running away too."

"You're acting like the fact that Nikolas is your brother means nothing, what he did to you, what your father did as well...you're running away too Alex." I shook my head, "Don't act like none of this is affecting you; All you're showing is anger but don't deny that it's just a cover-up, that it's just your way of escaping from what happened to your mother."

He blanched at the mention of her.

"You're changing." He really is. "All the hurt you keep hidden inside is going to wreck you, but you prefer that instead of letting it out because you know how hard it is to let it all out."

"So don't make me feel guilty about what I am doing because you're doing the exact same thing."

I finished my words and he said nothing in return. He just turned his back and walked away.

********

Alex's POV

I shut the car's door and slumped into my seat. Fatigue weighed down my body. I grabbed my head and squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't want to believe how right her words were. I didn't want to come to terms with everything that has happened in the last month. I didn't want to accept the past, I didn't want to acknowledge the fact that...I killed her.

The picture I saw in the morning beat at my consciousness. I felt it burning in my jacket's pocket, asking me to grab it and take a look. My hand ever so slowly went and dug it out of my pocket. I held it carefully between my fingers, scared I'll ruin it. My breath hitched as I looked at the green eyes staring back at me.

***

Earlier this morning...

"This is where Nikolas was staying." Ronald said as he stepped into the house, "Your father came here yesterday but as I heard, he didn't find him."

I looked around at the ruined place, "Okay, look around, see if there is anything of any benefit."

He started his search and so did I. I went into one of the rooms, it was the bedroom, I looked around, into the drawers and the closet but found nothing significant. Ronald followed me inside after a short while, "There is nothing in this place." He said with a sigh, "They ruined the whole place-" He mumbled as he opened the nightstand by the bed's side and went through it;

"There is a phone in here!" He said as he pulled it out. I walked to him and looked at it, "I'll see if there is anything inside it." He said as he stood up. My gaze drifted to the drawer, where he pulled the phone from and they fell on -- something. My eyebrows furrowed, "What's that?" I asked as my eyes made sense of the picture laying inside.

"It looks like some medicine bottle or something." He said and I shook my head, "No, under it." I said as I removed the orange bottle away and grabbed the picture underneath it and pulled it out. Air pushed in and out of my chest as I stared at it, Ronald said something but I couldn't make sense of his words as I got lost in the picture in my hand.

***

I zoned back in and looked at.. her.

Images burst behind my eyes. All that fucking blood, her voice, her face. That fucking dream that set me on fire every night, cutting me deeper and deeper. I struggled and managed to draw a lump of heavy air down my raw throat.

Unbearable weight pressed against my ribs. Crushing.

Just like that day. Too many years ago, yet it still feels so fresh.

The picture kept my eyes captive. I couldn't even blink as I stared back at her smile. I slowly ran my thumb over her face somehow trying to reach for her. She had a really beautiful smile. I couldn't help but notice.

Pressing my other hand to my chest, I exhaled a jagged breath. The pain was always there, it just amplified every year. When the memory drew so close, it became all I can see.

All I can feel.

The same fucking pain.

My fingers tightened around the edges. Another wave of sorrow crashed into me. So overwhelming. That physical hurt in my chest only intensified, and my breaths snapped in and out of my lungs. Weakness overcame me and I couldn't hold back the lone tear that trickled down my cheek and fell on the picture, "I am sorry-" I whispered and another tear went down.

It wasn't fair. None of this was fair.

"I am so sorry." I said before my fingers wrapped tighter, crumpling it before I hurled it away, unable to look at the face that haunted me all these years.

I leaned forward and pressed my forehead against the steering wheel. Guilt faded away and was replaced by an intense grief I'd never allowed myself to feel. Did it make any sense that I missed her? Missed someone who wasn't even there in the first place?

"I'd do anything for you to be here," I whispered so low no one could hear, but my heart felt it deep. I'd give anything to see her one last time, to talk with her, ask her, give her a chance to explain... That maybe - maybe she'll tell me she didn't mean what she said that day, that she didn't hate me like I lived my whole life believing so.

That I was more than just a mistake to her.

That she didn't just throw me away.

I squeezed my eyes harder stopping any other emotion from seeping forward, my fingers dig into the back of my neck. My throat burned and throbbed as I tried to keep it all inside.

How could I feel this way?

How could I feel that I lost something, that wasn't even mine in the first place?

**************************

It breaks my heart that his mother was right in front of him in the hospital but he didn't recognize her, neither did she *sniffs*

I seriously don't know which side to pick, Alex or Cara, they both break my heart, i think i should just kill them both maybe then they'll have their peace lol

I am being generous with these early updates, eh? Am I on fire or what XD

See ya next chappy. Love you all❤️