Smaller chapter..but earlier update lol xD

Cara's POV

I may have gone mad..crazy and insane.

Maybe I am being unreasonable, or maybe I have just lost my mind.

Because instead of pushing that button, here I am, talking with that exact man who ruined my life, the same one who broke me over and over again.

Here I am, asking for his help.

Some may not agree, but there are few things out there that hurt so much more than just a broken heart.

Something physical.

Intense.

Real.

An affliction with no antidote.

Because no pain can come equally to what I felt at that moment, how it was all ripped away from me when I saw life ever so slowly leave his eye; nothing can take away the vision of him as he slipped away from me.

It doesn't matter which way you slice it, look at it or analyze it. It'll always come up with the same sum... same fact, that he is dead.

And the man who killed him is still out there. Still breathing, alive and planning more ruin.

Alex's father must be punished.

And I know Nikolas is the one to do it. He is the one ready to unleash the monster, to ruin, to kill and spill blood.

Even though he deserves the same amount of punishment; I don't care for now. I just want my father's killer dead.

Green eyes stayed focused on me; as if trying to read something. He leaned forward in his seat, not once breaking eye contact, he brought his hand up and slowly traced his lower lip with his thumb. Eyebrows pulled together before his lips moved, asking what I didn't want to answer, "Does Alex know you're doing all this?" His eyes traveled around the room as he said the last part.

My eyebrow raised, confused I said; "What does that have to do with what I asked?"

He shrugged casually, "Nothing. It's just, you know, lying and hiding things is not really healthy in a relationship."

My jaw tightened, "Since when you became a relationship consultant?"

The jerk chuckled. He pinched the tip of his nose, "No, it's just I care about your relationship with my brother." He said, "I wouldn't want you guys to fight because of me." The amount of sarcasm in his tone almost made me jump from my seat and punch that arrogant face of his.

I curled my hand into a fist trying to keep my anger at bay, "Can you just not be YOU for a minute and concentrate on what I asked for?"

The playfulness left his eyes and something else took over, something dark. The muscle of his jaw ticked and his throat worked. His hand went to his neck and scratched the scar engraved over his skin. He shook his head and ever so calmly said, "No."

"What?" I asked, taken aback by his answer.

Air pushed in and out of his chest and he shook his head again, "I said no. I won't do it."

My eyebrows knitted, "Why not?"

He shrugged and at the moment I couldn't read the look in his eyes. He tilted his head, "Why you are asking me to do it? Why you didn't ask your lover boy?"

Unease slowly snaked its way through my senses, "If Alex found him, he'll do it." I swallowed hard and shook my head, "And I don't want him too." If he killed his father, it'll be too much for him to handle, he already blames himself for his mother's death. I don't want him to do this, I can't lose more parts of him.

Nikolas laughed as if I just said a joke, amusement flared in his eyes, "Wow-" He said as his laughter started to subdue, "So you want me to kill him just so Alex can keep his hands clean?"

He shook his head, "Sorry but no." I cut my eyes toward him, watching the little twitch of his jaw when he gritted his teeth, "I would love to grant your wish, but no."

I felt the frown crease my forehead, "Why?" I just couldn't understand, "That man ruined your life, why wouldn't you do it?"

"I don't know. You tell me." He said before he stood up, "The man who ruined your life is right here standing in front of you. So tell me, why you are not pressing that button?" He edged forward, getting closer to the bed; his hands tucked casually in his pant's front pockets, "Why with all the chances you had to end my life, you never once did it?"

Something pressed against my throat making it hard to get the words out, "It's different."

His lips curled, "Not really."

Nerves twisted my stomach as I grated out through clenched teeth, "Because I am not a monster like you."

He stopped at the threshold of the bed, "How can you be comfortable right now?" He pulled his hands and leaned forward, both of his palms pressed against the mattress of the bed at each side of my thighs. I gulped at how close he was at the moment, "How can you be comfortable with us alone in this room? Does it not scare you?"

"I told you before. You.do.not.scare me," I stressed on my words not once letting fear take over my senses.

The corner of his lip pulled up, "But love, I can easily hurt you right now." His breath hit my skin as he talked; "Before you can even ask for your brother's help. I can hurt you."

I kept my eyes on him, "But you won't hurt me."

He chuckled, "Why so sure?" A frown creased his forehead before he mockingly let out, "You trust me?"

"Of course not. I don't trust any word that comes out of your mouth but-" I said, "But I know that if you tried to hurt me-" My jaw tightened as I brought my hands up and pressed them against his chest pushing him away from me, "I'll hurt you back!"

He pulled back and I stood up right away before he can trap me like that again. Something about him was off today. His eyes roamed my face and his lips curled up in confusion before he said, "It's just I don't understand, you seem oddly calm about everything. Did you move on that fast? Was everything I've done to you not that big of a deal?"

A war of emotions spun through me, "What are you trying to do?"

He shrugged, "Nothing. I am just disappointed in myself. I thought I had a better effect than this." He looked like he is thinking it through, "I wanted to break you, but it looks like I went easy."

My eyes widened, "What the hell is wrong with you?!" I snapped as I brought my hand up ready to punch him, hit him, I don't know, hurt him but he caught my wrist stopping me from doing anything. "Easy?" I asked not believing, "You went easy? What you did was not that big of a deal?" I mimicked his words not once believing how could he say this after he tore me up and ripped me apart every day. I pulled my hand out of his hold, "Do you have any idea what you've done to me in the past two years?" Old wounds opened up wide and pain seeped through, "Do you?"

He shook his head, the corner of his eye twitched, "I don't know. Tell me." His voice was so low compared to mine.

My heart lifted to my throat at the same time my stomach completely bottomed out, "Easy you say-" I scoffed brokenly as I felt them in my eyes, slowly returning and filling them, "You think that if I act calm, that means that I forgot?" My eyebrow raised and I shook my head, "And I am not talking about anything physical.. because physical pain goes with time but -" My eyes stung, "But the way you messed my inside, how you messed with my mind, how you made me feel that it was my fault-" I pressed my hand to my chest, "How you made me feel that I deserve it, that I had a choice-" The first tear fell, "But I did not!" My voice raised, "I did not have a choice. It was either let you do what you want to me or you'll hurt the people I care about."

"There was no choice." I slowly let out.

"How you told me that if  I said no, you won't touch me. But what would happen if I said no, ha? How you'd hurt them all, how you'd kill them.

That's not a choice Nikolas, IT'S NOT!"

And the second tear went down.

"Do you know the amount of fear you made me go through every day when I just wait around to see if this night you gonna visit my room or not." More went down and I know that I opened a door that's too hard to close.

I hate that he is reminding me of those days. I hate him.

I brought my hand up and looked at my shaking fingers, "You tell me you went easy, then why I have no control over myself anymore." More tears went down before my gaze drifted to him and I let my hand drop down, "Then why whenever someone touches me, I have with all my power try not to flinch. To convince myself that it's not you, that not everyone is going to hurt me like you did."

I shook my head and tried to swallow past the rock lodged in my throat, "You see, the first time it happened, I cried. The second time, I cried; the third..the fourth, the fifth, but then...Then I just stopped crying." Bile burned a hole in my gut as vile images corrupted my already beat-up mind, "And you know what's the messed part is, that I tried to make the best of the worst situation, I tried to convince myself that this had become my life, that I chose this, that we're married; You're my husband and I have to do this... I gave up and accepted the life sentence that was given to me." I laughed, half a laugh, half a cry. I choked over the acrid taste as it rushed up my throat, "But then-" I could not silence my cries by this moment, "Then that day came... you were angry, you were so angry and you.. you pushed me to Lucas and you told him to do whatever he wants to me. You see I was forcing myself to be okay with the fucked up life you placed me through.. and then you did this and, and.." My feet faltered and I wanted to reach for something to catch myself before I fall to the ground. My feet moved backward, and I grasped my head gasping as I fought back angry, broken tears.

I felt myself slipping down, into something really dark, and I allowed myself to.

*******

Nikolas's POV

She staggered backward, trying to get away from the images that I am sure were hunting her consciousness at the moment. She grasped her head and I knew what she was trying to do. What I always try to do, to run away and to block it all.

My eyes widened when she almost went down. I marched forward and grabbed her arms and pulled her up, pulled her closer saving her from crashing into the ground. She gasped for a breath as her broken eyes looked into mine, "What he did to me was much worse than everything you ever did."

I shook my head, "Don't continue." I don't want to know what happened that day.

At first, I wanted her to say it all. I tried to trigger a reaction from her, I wanted her to let it out. I know that she never talked about it and she needed to. I wanted her to say it all out loud, but now that she did, I don't think I can handle more, I don't want to clearly see all the mistakes I can't undo.

How am I supposed to piece this girl I broke back together? How am I supposed to take her pain away when the only thing I know is how to inflict it.

"Why?" She whispered, "Why should I not continue? Does it hurt you?" She mockingly added, telling me that it doesn't matter how much it's hurting me...because it's hurting her more.

She pulled her arms away from my grip and took few steps backward before she sat on the bed's edge; she covered her face, shaky breaths escaped her mouth as she choked back tears. Suffocating tightness got all locked up in my chest and I wanted to lash out because I hated feeling that way. Hated feeling out of control. Hated feeling like I was quickly losing my grip.

But that what she does to me.

"He hit me, he ra-"

"Stop!" I strictly said.

She lifted her head up, "Why you want me to stop ha?" She angrily lashed out, "I am just showing you how easy you went on me.

Now tell me, tell me if it was easy, then why did I try to end my life after, why I didn't think twice about Lilly and just wanted to kill myself because I couldn't...I just couldn't bear it anymore."

"You told me that.. that your mother was raped in front of you, then..then how were you able to do this to some other woman, how?" She looked at me brokenly, "Is that why you made me feel like it was my decision... Just so you spare yourself the guilt?

Is that why the moment before we got married you stopped me and told me that I can back out, that I can say no...but you won't be responsible for the consequences after.

But I want you to understand one thing... It wasn't my choice, I never wanted you to come near me, I never wanted you to touch me. I accepted that hell just so I can protect the people I love. I didn't fight because I was scared of your reaction but that does not mean that I wanted it." I wanted her to stop talking but I couldn't get the words leave my throat, "I wonder what your mother would think of you; because what you did to me is exactly what Frank did to her."

There wasn't one cell inside me that was comfortable, every single one of them trembling with some kind of unease. Funny, how everyone tried to stay away from me, warning, guarding themselves with whatever destruction I would bring. It's funny because this woman, right now...is destroying me.

What I never anticipated was how I should have protected myself from her. I had never expected that she'd come ripping through my life just as fiercely as I'd gone ripping through hers, with me tearing everything apart, leaving us both wrecked.

"You wanted to break me, right? Well, congratulations, because you did."

She looked away from me and shook her head, her eyelids dropped down as tears seeped through. She brought her hand and covered her mouth and she cried.

She cried.

And my entire being quaked with a jolt of pain.

I brought my hand to my chest and pressed it against that thing that hurts the most. It was either beating too fast or falling apart just like she was.

A roll of nausea writhed my gut.

I felt sick.

Unsettled.

Because everything was wrong.

I couldn't hate myself more but I did as she cried again and again. I hesitantly edged forward and sat by her side on the bed. I wanted to be the one to dry her tears, to hold her up when she was falling apart. I wanted her to need me just as badly as I needed her...but that was a dream, a sick joke, a kind of peace I will never reach.

Because I can't live up to it. I can't be good enough - even when every piece of me wanted to be.

I pulled in a deep breath before I wrapped one arm around her back, the other went to her head as I pulled her closer. I rested my forehead against her temple and my eyelids dropped close; A shock of breath wheezed into my burning lungs as her scent engulfed every cell in my being. She didn't push me back, she didn't pull away, not because she wanted to but she was in so much pain to fight me; she was living it all again in her head, she was breaking down because of me.

Swells of hurt pounded at my skin, agony slammed me hard and fast. One brutal hit after another. I pressed my eyes tighter trying to push back but I couldn't help the lone fucking tear from escaping the corner of my eye. "I am sorry." It won't fix anything but the guilt that throbbed deep within pushed me to let this words out, "I am sorry..."

Her smell clouded my senses, I couldn't think straight anymore.

It wasn't fair...It wasn't fair to wake up so late. It wasn't fair because I want to take it all back...But I simply can't.

"What can I do?" I asked blocking any other emotion from leaving my eye, "What do you want? I'll do anything you want."

She pulled her head away and looked at me, tormented eyes slapped me in the heart; Few seconds passed with silence before she said, "I want you to pay for everything you've done...I want you to feel that pain every single day." The harsh words leaving those eyes that looked so innocent was only another proof...that none of us was born bad. We turn each other bad.

"I want you to leave Alex alone."

Isn't it clear that I already gave up on that?

She pulled away from me, getting back to herself as she pushed me away from her; She wiped her cheeks dry before she faced me again, "And I want you to be out of our lives for good...that I won't be afraid, that one day you'll come back and ruin it all again."

She simply means my death.

And that's a wish I can grant.

I turned my eyes from her, beside the bed was the red button, I leaned forward and pressed it.

Her wide eyes settled on me as if she didn't understand what just happened, "What are you doing?" She breathed out.

I pushed myself up, away from her, because that's where I should be, far away from her.

"Giving you what you want."

The same moment the words escaped my mouth is when the door was pushed open and hurried footsteps sounded in the room before my arms were yanked backward and a gun pressed to my back, "Don't move." Roman hissed in my ear.

I didn't move. I wasn't planning to. My eyes stayed on her, trying to read the shock in her eyes as Roman checked for my gun but none he found.

"You are not armed." I didn't miss the shock in his voice, "Well, well, looks like love made you stupid Nikolas." He snarked, "First time leaving the house without a plan ha?"

The corner of my lip pulled up, my eyes not once leaving her, "What you people don't understand..is that I always have a plan."

Cara eyed me warily, trying to read behind my calm expression, "But my plan before was to destroy others.
I changed that." I continued

She gulped, her throat worked, "What's your plan now?" She whispered the words out and I tried to hear that soft voice for the last time.

A smile touched my lips, the smile alone showing that I gave up, "To destroy myself."

Something flashed across her face, lines etched her forehead as she sat straight. She blinked and my eyes roamed over her features, memorizing them, once and for all. Taking into those big brown eyes that held so much innocence behind the feisty act, those perfect pink lips that can drag any man to his knees...even me and finally, that white pale skin.

She was indeed snow white.

But I was no prince charming.

"It's 474." I said hoping she'd understand, "Tell them your name only and they'll let you in."

Her frown deepened and she jerked forward, "What?"

Roman and another guy pushed me backward, "Enough talking for you." He hissed before he dragged me out.

They would've not caught me unless I let them to.

But by this, I can make sure of one thing.

That Cara won't have the same fate as my mother.

The past can't repeat itself anymore.

*******

Alex's POV

After that very weird call from Tony, the guard that keeps an eye on Cara when I am not around, I went back to the hospital, leaving my work for some other time.

At first, I thought something had happened, that's why I keep him by her side, just in case my dad tries to pull something.

He said she was fine but insisted that I should come to the hospital.

I tried to call Cara, to see if something went wrong, but she didn't answer. Dread spiraled through my spirit and pushed me to leave right away to check on her.

I met Tony on the third floor. He was standing alone and once he spotted me, he tensed a bit and that placed me beyond worry.

"Where is she?" I asked once I reached him.

He pointed at the room by the end of the hall, "She is in there."

My eyes widened, "What happened? Is she okay?"

He gave me a weird look and I wanted to punch his face at the moment.

He gulped and nodded, "She is."

Not wasting more time with this dufus, I scurried toward the room, impatient to know what in god's name was going on. I stopped by the threshold as the door was slightly opened and I was able to slightly see through, to see who was inside.

To see him...with her.

My stomach clenched; I brought my palm and pressed it against the door and I ever so slowly pushed it a little, for them not to notice and for me to see what's going on.

My thoughts went fuzzy. I swallowed hard as my eyes took on what beheld me.

It was like a slap in the face. To see her wrapped in his arms. To see her that close to him.

Oh how much I wanted to get in and rip those hands off her, how much I wanted to pull him away and kill him in that exact moment but the sick part of me wanted to wait, to see, what's gonna happen next...To see if she'll push him away.

But she didn't.

My hand curled into a fist pushing it all back in.

It's not the time. I held myself back. It's not the fucking time.

I felt on the spot. Caged. Like there was something inside me savage and untamed, fighting to be unleashed.

Sick twisted thoughts tumbled through my head, his words ripping through my sanity.

What if she left you for Nikolas, if she's only with you for him...what if it's all just a lie..

I didn't believe in them, I couldn't. Cara would never do it but - What is this now?

There must be a reason, right?

Still-

She turned her head and looked back at him and I was no longer able to stand there and witness more of this. I turned around and walked as fast as I can from - this.

I trust her. I do. But everyone I trusted before fucked me up.

I didn't know what to think anymore. But one thing I understood.

That she won't love a man who has hurt that bad, a man who - raped her.

But as I walked further, one sentence kept echoing in my head.

Maybe it wasn't rape after all.

************************

So, watcha ya think?

Did Nikolas really give up? What will happen to him now? And what will Alex do with what he saw?

More drama coming your way lol XD

And oh-oh, Nikolas indirectly told Cara to go see his mother, let's hope she understands that !

See ya next chapter, love ya all❤️