Shorter chapter than usual. But my laptop is broke *cries* so I borrowed my dad's laptop and well I was able to write this much.

Next update hopefully will be sooner. Just all pray I get my laptop fixed soon.

Happy reading and totally not edited xD

********

Alex's POV

I am probably committing the worst mistake of my life.

The door I locked in my head and threw the key away, now I just tore it upart with my own hands.

It's a big risk that i am taking.

I simply came back to what I ran away from.

I am going to ruin myself again.

But that doesn't matter. I don't matter. She does, and for her I am ready to do more.

My dear father went back to his seat, the smile still not leaving his lips. He is grinning, the old fool, he is actually grinning.

He pointed to the seat in front of his desk, "Have a seat son. " He said, that smug look still imprinted over his old face. "Let's talk."

My lips curled up, the little fucker, he dares call me son. I shook my head, "I am not here for some father-son bonding, I came here just to make a deal."

He lent forward in his seat and nodded his head. His arms rested over the desk, his face took a more serious turn, he titled his head a bit, "But Alexander ar-"

Grinding my jaw, i couldn't help but snap, "It's Alex !"

His eyebrow raised, he didn't like my tone, that old fucker is pushing my buttons already, how I am gonna handle more of his limp dick later.

"Your name is Alexander." He said stressing on each word.

Yeah a brand new information you're giving me old father.

I shook my head, my voice hardened "No. That's the name she gave me." I felt the old stung in my heart again, "But here, I go with Alex."

He nodded his head, "Okay Alex- " he stressed on my name, "The decision you took, did you at least think about it?" His eyes narrowed, "You simply just gonna take back what you always refused to have ?"

I simply just nodded. I don't need to think about it. There is no other way.

His eyebrow raised, "But what about what happened before when-"

"I was a kid back then." I inturrepted his words, "I grew up. People change."

"I am ready to do whatever it takes to see that bastard slowly dying in front of my eyes." The anger and the rage behind my words couldn't be missed.

I am furious. I can't even think straight.

There is this new part of me I am discovering today.

His eyebrows pulled together, his eyes inspecting mine, as to find an answer for his unspoken question. "I am actually scared to even ask what did he do that makes you crave his death this much."

The answer is simple father dearest, he took what's mine.

Not just that, he dared to even hurt her.

The tightness over my chest increased when I recalled what I saw in the morning. Those goddamn bruises. What did he do to her, there were so many - I closed my eyes for a brief second, I can't even imagine the pain she went through.

What kind of a man does this to a girl. Not just any girl, no, but to my girl.

I was supposed to protect her for fucks sake. I was her husband. I was supposed to take care of her.

The more I thought about it, the more my anger intensified and the more sanity I lost. I need him dead, and his death will be only on my hands.

For the first time, I am feeling this bloodlust, i need his blood. This coldness taking over me, i really need to see him suffer and die. For the very first time I am feeling like him - Like my very own father.

Maybe he was once right. I was born for this.

And it's time to prove it.

"You sure you can do it ?" His words pulled me back, he looked uncertain, "Do you have it in you to kill someone ?"

My eyebrow raised as I mockingly replied, "It won't be the first time, would it ?"

His face paled a bit and his confidence posture shook, he cleared his throat, "That wasn't your fault."

I snorted, "Of course it wasn't." I said, "It was yours."

He sighed and looked away, he nervously raked his fingers in his hair, when his eyes met mine again, they looked tired, "You still didn't let go of the past ?"

Oh believe me I did. And it worked. But then life had a brand new plan to fuck me in the ass again.

"How can I when I still have marks to remind me with it." I mumbled lowly, more to myself. The skin of my arms started itching for some reason.

Confusion filled his brown eyes, "What ?"

I shook my head as I slowly rubbed my arm, "Nothing." I said as I took few steps closer, "Back to our point now, are you capable of giving me what I want ?"

He nodded, "Of course."

"But you know Killing a man like Nikolas is not a piece of cake, it will need time and a lot of planning." He started. I nodded, i know, that's why I came to him.

I will never be able to capture that fucker if I worked alone.

"I haven't met him before but lots of rumors go around about him, he is smart and he is ruthless, the Italians are content with their choice, he is playing with the Brits according to his own rules. He simply owns the city." His eyes hardened as he talked more. What now ? Are you jealous of his power father, you want all the shits for your limp dick -

"He is powerful." He added.

"But you are more powerful." I stated.

The corner of his lips lifted in a smirk, "Hell I am."

"What's the plan then ?" I asked, the conversation feeding the flame of anger inside of me.

"Leave the planning part for me." He said then coughed. The fool, he is keeping me out from the very start.

I clenched my teeth as I lent forward and pressed my palms against his desk, "I am the one who is going to kill him. Don't dare and take that away from me." I wanted his death to be slow and painful. Those bruises she have, very soon they will design every part of his body.

He nodded, "Don't worry."

"Capturing him is on me and the killing part is on you." He said with that proud look still lurking in those old brown eyes. He wants me to do it, he wants me to kill.

And for once, we want the same thing.

He took his phone and dialed a number as I stood straight again, he placed it to his ears and looked at me, "One of my men will stay by your side for the time being." He said to me.

My jaw ticked, "I don't need anyone to babysit me."

He said one sentence over the phone before he hanged up and placed it away. He pressed his elbows over the desk and folded his hands. He gave me his attention as he seriously said, "Look Alex, you came to me because you know I can do this, you came because you are desperate and I am the one who have the solution to your problem so - listen to what I say, follow my words because I know what I am doing-"

"This is dangerous. This ain't a game, we need to be ready for any attack. Nikolas is smart, he'll notice something coming his way, so we need to be a step ahead - " he continued, "Just listen to me Alex, and by the end of this week, you'll have him. I promise."

I nodded my head. That's all I want.

"And as for your part of the deal -"

I immediatly inturrepted him, "Once I kill him, I will start.. Give me what I want father and sure I will grace you with what you want after."

He looked satisfied. He coughed again before he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his seat,he nodded, "You really did grow up."

I nodded, "Same for you father. You became a wrinkled old man." More like a wrinkled old fucker.

Alex contain yourself please.

A low chuckle vibrated from his chest, "You saying I lost my charm ha ?"

I nodded, "Truth hurts but father, you do look like you're dying."

And he actually did look like that. His hair getting whiter and lighter, his face drained of any color, and dark circles under his tired brown eyes. Not that I cared or anything. But if I know no better I will say there is something wrong with him.

His smile dropped and he uncrossed his arms, he nodded, "Because I am."

My eyebrows pulled together, "I am sick." He added.

I swallowed hard, "Oh so it's finally time to pay for your sins ha ?"

His eyebrow raised, "You're not gonna ask what's wrong with me ?" If I know no better I'd say that hurt that flashed in his eyes. But nah, this old fool have no feelings or whatsoever.

My heartbeats fastened a bit as i shook my head, "I don't care. Just give me what I asked for and then after it die as much as you want."

A sigh escaped his lips, a tired one, "Wow -" he said, totally unfazed, "You disappointed me son."

I shrugged, "Well let's face it father, I only lived with you for how long - seven or eight years was it."

"We didn't have much time to bond and if i remeber right, my last memories with you weren't that pretty, so excuse me for not giving a shit whether you live or die."

A part of me cared though. A very small part. But I silenced its voice, he is not worth it.

He nodded, "I will start working on everything. I will keep you up to date." He said changing the subject, his indirect way of telling me to leave.

I took the message and nodded my head, "Okay then. I will see you later." I said before turning around.

I walked to the door still unable to shake the sick feeling that settled at the pit of my stomach. When I placed my hand on the knob ready to open the door, he called my name.

"Wait." He said.

I turned around to see him going through one of the drawers, he pulled something out and walked from behind his desk and toward me.

I gave him a questioning look when he stopped right in front of me, he extended his hand and my eyes fell on it landing on the gun he is holding.

It didn't take me long to recognize the specific gun laying over his palm. My eyes fixated on the "V" letter engraved on its side. "You must be kidding me." I muttered, my eyes not leaving the weapon.

"Keep it with you." He said. I lifted my wide eyes and looked at him, "That's the same gun, the one that - it's the same -" I said unable to even complete my words. The thought alone left me bewildered.

He nodded his head, "Yes it is. It was hers. And now it's yours."

It was hers.

I slowly brought my hand and wrapped my fingers around the cold metal. I took it from him, my fingers traced the letter, I swallowed hard and my inside shut down.

My hold over it reminded me of what happened.

Of how tightly he held my hand, how his finger pressed over mine, over the trigger letting the bullet escape. How the shot sounded and how it silenced all the chaos. It reminded me of the blood that covered the floor, and the body swimming in it.

Of all the things I tried to bury deep and ignore.

Of the pain that now numbed me again. The pain that first caused the scars over my arms.

Maybe they healed. The old ones, you can barely see them now but the pain behind them is still there and it just needed this gun to break free. It took it one reminder to overpower me again.

I hid the gun in my pants, trying my best to not meet his eyes, I forced myself to say goodbye before I opened the door and went out.

I paused my steps and tried at least to breath again. But the sound of a gun shot kept echoing in my head over and over. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Not again.

I ran my hand in my hair, my fingers tightly wrapped around it as I tried to contain my anger or my pain.

I knew coming back would ruin me. Fuck it. I knew it.

I tried to grasp it all inside. I shook my head. I am not the important one now. I need to do this. I need to overcome this. After all these years, maybe now is the time.

I continued walking as my mind tried to take control again, I was too busy with what's going inside of me that I collided with some woman making the tray in her hands fall on the ground and everything over it crashed.

"CAN'T YOU LOOK WHERE YOU ARE WALKING-" She snapped angrily before she lifted her eyes from the tray on the ground and met mine. Her eyebrows pulled together, "I haven't seen you before -" her green eyes narrowed, "You are new aren't you ?"

She looked somehow familiar. And after taking in her features more I couldn't hold the smile the made its way to my lips. She looks different since I last saw her. She looks older.

"You don't recognize me ?" I asked, arching an eyebrow, her eyes narrowed more as she skeptically eyed me.

It didn't take her long before her eyes widened, she gasped, "Alexander !"

My smile dropped. Again with that fucking name.

Well but I know better than to argue with Linda. I smiled again and nodded.

She was the housekeeper over here, always ordering everyone around. She used to even scold my father and he used to keep his mouth shut. During my stay here, she was the one who took care of me.

She treated me like her own son.

Her eyes watered, "Oh my god, my boy you have grown up, I can't believe my eyes."

My smile widened as she inched closer and wrapped her arms around me, I brought my arms up and hugged her back.

She suddenly pulled away and slapped my arm, my eyes widened as she shot me a glare, "Why you never asked about me you stupid boy ?" She slapped my arm again, her teary green eyes shooting daggers toward me, "You suddenly disappeared and I never saw you after."

I scratched my neck. It is true. When I closed that door, I kept everyone I knew behind it. I wanted to move on from that nightmare so I had to pretend like they all never existed.

For me they were a chapter. And I deleted it the moment I stepped out.

A lie I created after and fed it to everyone. No one knows about this side of my life. No one knows who Alex was before.

Not even Cara.

Not because I didn't trust her. But it was a stage I wanted to forget. And to forget it I pretended like it never was.

I shook my thoughts away and fixated my attention back to Linda. I tried to smile, "I am sorry." Was all I said.

She sniffed and hit my arm lightly again.

"But you are here now." She said as if she couldn't believe it. Her eyebrows pulled together, "You came back ?"

I shrugged, "Long story."

She raised an eyebrow, "I have time."

I shook my head, "But I don't."

She narrowed her eyes at me, "You still a naughty little boy aren't you ?"

I chuckled and shook my head, "I am not little anymore but I can agree on the naughty part." I added with a wink.

A smile came to her lips, "To me you always gonna stay that little three years old boy who first entered this house." She shook her head sadly, "I still can't believe you grew up, oh god I am tearing up again, I hate you for making me emotional now." She said waving her hand over her face as if to kick the tears away.

I shook my head at her, my eyes traveled to the door of the room I just exited and then back to her, "He is sick ?" I spoke the words on my mind.

At my words, I felt her body stiffen before she sadly nodded her head, "Is that why you are here ?"

I shook my head, "I just knew, what.. what is wrong with him ? Is it serious ?"

Is that worry in my voice ? What the fuck Alex. What the actual fuck ?!

"It's.. it's Leukemia." Her voice shook a bit and she lowered her gaze, "He is not even accepting to start the treatment."

I clenched my jaw. Stubborn fucker. Even when it comes to a disease, he still wants to act all strong and nothing can beats him, seriously father, seriously ?

Her hand rested over my arm snapping me of my trance, "I know everything is messed up between you two but you are the only family he have, you are his only son, stay by his side, please."

I swallowed hard. My chest tightened more. I didn't know what to say but I just nodded so she wont talk further about it.

"You will be seeing lots of me from now on, don't worry." I said and at that her smile came back.

"By the way -" I started as a smile came to my lips as well, "I have a daughter now."

At that her eyes widened more,"Really? You are a father now?"

I am. It still makes no sense. It still leave me dazed. But yes I am.

A father to the most precious girl in this world.

"Oh my god, what's her name ?" She said, her eyes glistened with more tears.

At that my own smile dropped as I muttered, "Leya."

Her eyes widened and she slightly shook her head as if she didn't believe the name she just heard.

Her eyes softened and she tried to recover from her shock. She smiled, ignoring the name, she said, "You have to let me see her."

I nodded with a smile, "You will. But now I have to go. I will see you later okay."

She inched again and hugged me, "If you don't come back this time, I promise I will find you and kick your ass, you understand."

She pulled away and gave me a warning look, I nodded my head, "I will come back."

I have to.

Not because I want. But because I am obliged to.

The reason i left for, is the same reason that pushed me to come back again.

The irony.

~~~~~~

Cara's POV

I checked my phone for the umpteenth time, debating whether I should call him or not.

He just went like that. He suddenly snapped and left leaving me trying to make sense of what happened last.

He saw what I was desperately trying to hide. My chest tightened. What now ? What happens now ? Me and him, where are we, what's gonna happen between us -

I think I jumped teen feet in the air when my phone started ringing in my hand, my eyes widened when I saw Alex's name flash through the screen.

I immediatly pressed the answer button and placed it to my ear, "Where are you ?" I couldn't help but throw my question at him. I am worried sick since the morning.

"I am in the city, I got some errands to run." He answered. What errands?

"I called to check up on you, I left suddenly in the morning, are you.. are you okay ?" He asked, his voice lacing with concern.

I nodded my head, "I am."

"You are coming back ?" I asked.

"Yes but before that, I was thinking to - to pass by your mother's house and tell her."

My eyes widened at his words, "No !"

"Cara -" he said, "She deserves to know."

I swallowed hard and my heart sped fast, "Alex I can't- I can't face her."

"Yes you can." He said, "She too suffered, Cara she was devasted, she must know you are alive, don't you want to see her as well ?"

My voice lowered, "I want- but I can't face her Alex, not after what I've done. What if she didn't forgive me what-"

"She is your mother, she won't care about anything but the fact that you are alive." He said and i wished his words are true. "Don't worry, you won't be facing her alone, I'll be there-"

His voice softened, "I'll be there with you."

My heart melted a bit, he was always there for me, even after what I said to him, even after hurting him, he was there when I broke down last night, he was there and pulled me out of it.

"Okay." I said lowly.

"Okay." He replied back. His voice so soft, as if he is my old Alex.

"Don't worry cupcakes." He added.

I couldn't help my smile. It melts my heart when he calls me that. It's stupid, I know, but that silly word holds in itself much bigger meaning.

It's a word that reminds me of our past. Of us. Of what we were before. And what we can be again.

I nodded my head, "Okay." I said again.

"Okay." He said again.

He chuckled lowly, "I feel I am watching that stupid movie Katherine obliges me to watch with her - that fault in our moon or sky or stars or whatever."

My smile widened and I shook my head, "So you know what it means ?"

He hummed, "I do, I do."

"Okay." I said, the stupid smile still stuck on my face.

He chuckled lowly, "Okay it is."

We hanged up after that and my heart felt a little calmer.

I cleared my mind and sat down and thought. I used the left time I had and thought carefully. There is still one dicision I still didn't make.

I placed my hand over my belly. The hardest decision of it all.

~~~~~

I was talking with Lilly when I heard the ring of the doorbell. Katherine went to open it, Nervousness started to slowly take over me at the thought of her being here now.

Did she accept what Alex told her ? Did she come with him or -

My thoughts took a pause when my eyes drifted to the living room's door, everything in me paused when her green eyes met mine.

She came.

She covered her mouth with her hand, few tears escaped her wide eyes as she lightly shook her head, "It's true." She said. Hearing her voice alone made something inside me move.

I don't know how it happened, I just felt myself walking toward her. I couldn't comprehend my feelings as she walked forward and wrapped her arms around me and pulled me closer.

"Oh my god Cara, it's you, it is really you - " She hiccuped a sob and it hit something in me. I hate when she cries.

I wrapped my arms around her, as tight as I could, "I missed you mom." I whispered in her hair as my own tears fell.

She pulled away and cupped my face in her hands, she shook her head again, "My baby girl, what happened? " She asked as her thumb gently stroked my cheek.

Words couldn't form in my mouth so I just hugged her again, I buried my face in her shoulder and allowed myself to let some of it out.

She tightened her hold around me, "It's your father isnt it ?"

I didn't answer.

"He did this." She added and I kept silent. I just held into her.

She ran her hand in my hair, "I am sorry." I whispered in her shoulder.

She pulled me away and looked at me with wide eyes, she shook her head, "Don't apologize -" her hand came to my cheek as she tried to wipe my tears away, "It's not your fault."

I was about to reply back when I felt someone tug on my pants. My gaze dropped down at Lilly who was looking at me with a sad expression, her eyes glistened with tears as she said, "Mommy."

I even forgot she was in the room. I immediatly bent down and took her in my arms. My eyes fell on my mother who was looking at Lilly, a smile came to her lips, her gaze flicked to me, "That's her." She said and I nodded.

I looked back at Lilly who was trying to remove the tears from my cheek away, "cwy." She sadly said.

I sniffed and shook my head, I smiled, "I am fine." I said as I kissed her cheek, "Lilly look who is here." I said making her look at my mom, "This is grandma."

My mother smiled before she brought her hand and stroked Lilly's cheek, "She looks just like you when you were young." She said breathlessly before inching closer and kissing her forehead.

Lilly looked at her with furrowed eyebrows, "Granma. " She muttered making my mom's smile widen. She nodded and kissed her again. Lilly turned to me, she looked confused as she muttered, "Granpa. "

I looked at my mother, whose smile dropped, "There is a lot of things we need to talk about Cara." She said and I nodded. She is right. There is.

"And you little bug, come here." I heard Alex's voice before he took Lilly from me. I didn't even notice he was here. When I saw my mother, I forgot everything else.

Lilly wrapped her arms around his neck, "Play." She said, he chuckled and nodded, "Play it is."

He looked back at me and gave me a smile, he inched closer, with one arm holding Lilly, he placed his other one around my shoulder and pulled me closer. My heart knocked it up a notch when he kissed the side of my head, "I told you it's gonna be okay."

I looked at him and my heart ached a bit, why he is treating me well ? I don't deserve it, not after what I said, how can he always forgive me so easily-

"Lilly is with me. So you and your mother can talk, okay." He said and I nodded with a small smile.

With that he went away and my mother and I sat alone. I started to explain it all from the beginning.

From the moment my father knocked on that door.

She went furious. Not at me, but at my dad.

I told her I got married but I didn't go into details. I didn't tell her about how Nikolas treated me nor about the child I am carrying.

Every word just fueled her anger toward dad.

But whenever Roman's name comes up, she stays silent and says nothing. I know she wants to ask about him but she didn't, she is ashamed to.

The night came and my mother stayed here. We kept on talking till she slept. But I couldn't sleep. I stayed wide awake thinking. I went out of the room to not wake her up with me moving around.

I wrapped my arms around myself as I walked to the kitchen to get a cup of water. My steps halted when I saw Alex inside, he was standing, his gaze on the cup on the table as he swirled it in his hand.

As if he felt my presence, he lifted his face and his eyes met mine,he left the cup and stood straight, "You're still awake."

I shrugged, "I couldn't sleep." I said as I walked closer to him.

He nodded,"Me too."

I licked my lips nervously. Maybe now i should tell him about my decision.

"Alex-"

"Cara-"

We both said at the same time. He smiled, "You go first."

I tucked my hair behind my ear before I fixated my gaze on him, "I was lately thinking about everything, from the moment I knew I was pregnant I cou-"

"About that I -" he started but I immediatly interrupted him, "Please let me finish first." I needed to let it out before he says something and make me change my mind.

I took in a deep breath before i started talking, "You know, i always thought i can do everything on my own, that i am strong, that i don't need anyone. Especially when my father left, i tried to not depend on anyone but myself..and it actually did work."

I shook my head, "Till I met you. You came into my life and turned it upside down." A smile came to my lips, "You changed everything I believed in."

"You made me need someone." My smile slowly dropped, "So when i ask myself that question now, i find that the answer is no, I can't do everything on my own, i need you, i need a man and you are - " I smiled weakly, "I mean you were my man.

But you're not anymore."

I looked away unable to meet his eyes, the way he looks at me undo me,

"You see it hurts .. it hurts because I can't see my life now with you not loving me - " I shook my head, " I can't see it with you away from me, with you being other girls man."

"It's selfish. I know. But that's the way I am."

I looked back at him, his eyes looked lost as if trying to understand where i am going with this.

"You see i was always afraid to love so much, because it makes your life depend on others, it makes you need someone.

But that someone can't always be there for you." I was referring to myself more than to him.

"I hate love." Because it broke me and you.

"And if i can go back, i would choose not to love you -"

His eyes widened at my words. Yes Alex, I would've protected us from each other.

I continued talking, "I would've left the moment you asked me for that dance. Because as we moved to the music, i knew you were something else, i knew if i ever let my emotions get in between i would lose a part of myself.

And I actually did."

Tears pricked my eyes,"Maybe it's my fault, because i am the one who made us reach here, i am the one to blame."

You were better off dead.

I closed my eyes when his words ringed in my head. I felt my throat close up as I fought against my tears.

That I can't even look at your face. That I wish your death.

Maybe I ignored all of his words from before, but they still hurt.

The first tear fell, "But still if you loved me enough, nothing would've broken that love. "

You want someone to warm your bed, since your dear husband is away. Because you should've understood. You should've known without me telling you. You should've known that i would never let any man touch me.

Unless I was forced to.

I was supposed to say that but I couldn't. So many words went unsaid.

"Because even with everything that happened to me for past two years, it didn't change my love for you." Not even a bit. If possible, it just increased.

"I gave you all my heart Alex. I gave you a big part of me.

And then Nikolas came and took the rest.

And now i have nothing left." Nothing at all.

"I can't raise this child.

I can't give him to Nikolas,

and I sure can't oblige you to raise him with me. "

I hate that child you are carrying. You sure do Alex.

I cleared my throat and wiped my cheek, "I am going tomorrow to the hospital."

I hope something bad happens to him. It will.

"I am going to terminate the pregnancy."

********************************

Are you with or against Cara's decision ?

Well these two keeps breaking my heart into tiny pieces. *sigh*

Btw, any thoughts on Alex's Father ? We even get a glimpse on Alex's past *smirks*

Oh before i forget, Love ya all❤