Cara's POV

"- But you'll never be able to heal the scars over my arm."

His words hit me hard, so hard. My eyes traveled to his arm and my chest tightened.

I saw them before, i did.

They are clearly craved over his skin making it hard to ignore and not observe. Not one or two, much more, way more.

I saw them but I didn't think it through. I saw them but i ignored them too.

Because it kills me, it rips me apart knowing that this time, i am the reason behind those scars.

I am the one who caused him this much pain.

I really did destroy him, i wrecked him, i really did kill him.

To think about it, i am way worse than my father, i am even worse than Nikolas himself because to kill Alex, I didn't need to hold a knife.

To kill him, i just needed a hold over his heart and I mercilessly twisted it in my hand. I carelessly tightened my hold ignoring that it would leave him suffocated along.

My hand involuntary went to his arm, but when my fingers brushed over his skin, he directly flinched. He opened his eyes and met mine, "Don't-" he just said.

"Alex i-"

"I said i want to sleep." He cut me off before he got up from his laying position. His tone cold and harsh. So not him. Not my Alex, no.

He stood up and started to walk away, ignoring me again. But this time, i followed him, anger and hurt started to build inside me, i tugged on his shirt from the back stopping him.

"Please stop, stop doing this !" I can't handle this version of him.

I stood facing him, "Shout at me Alex, Say something, hit me for god's sake but don't ignore me like this !" I added bewildered by his actions. How is he going to understand if he doesn't  even want to listen to me.

"When you are going to listen to me." I said, my voice raising, "Alex i too wasn't living in heaven for the past two years." If just he knows.

My eyebrow raised, "You think i was happy, you think now i am happy, that it doesn't kill me knowing-" i pointed toward his arm, "- i am the reason behind this."

He kept silent in return, his jaw tight, his eyes holding nothing.

I let a low sigh before i brought my hand and held his, "You lost me i know, but -- i lost you too." I added, almost breathlessly trying my best to keep my tears locked.

He shook his head, removed his hand away from mine and looked away, "You see that's the point -" he said, his gaze drifted back to me, "I didn't just lose you."

He is right. At least i had Lilly.

"I know i wronged you, a lot." I said, guilt rolling within my words, "But i did what I thought was the right thing to do, everything i did was just to protect you-"

Anger flashed in his eyes before he harshly held my arm, "Stop saying this sentence." He snapped, his fingers tightened over my skin.

"I could've protected myself, I don't need you to protect me !" He pulled me closer from my arm, his eyes full with so much despise, "You could've told me, the moment your father threatened you, you could've came to me, you know i would've done anything to protect you and Lilly, I would've done anything to keep us together, to not break this family like you did-"

"That's why i was so scared." I said, my voice lowered and the shake almost detectable in it, "I knew you'd do anything, i knew you'd put yourself in danger for us and i didn't want that, I couldn't lose you-"

At my words he released my arm, he took a step backward and let a low chuckle, "Lose me ?" He scoffed.

He raked his fingers in his hair, "Cara you lost me the moment you turned your back and left."

I hate when he says my name. It comes out of his mouth with so much disgust. I hate the sound of it.

"From where i see it, you lost nothing, the opposite-"

His eyebrow raised, he looked at me as if i am nothing, "- you gained someone else."

I wanted to laugh at that. You can hardly call it a gain.

I swallowed hard trying to keep my emotions at bay, i inched even closer that i started to feel his warmth, i miss being in his embrace, i miss his sweet words and gentle touch. I miss him so much even though he is just right in front of my eyes.

My heart lost control as i slowly brought my hand and touched his cheek, a weird rush of feelings coursed inside my veins, he didn't push me away this time, instead i felt the muscles of his jaw relax underneath mine. "I am sorry." I whispered.

He said nothing in return, his eyes stayed connected with mine, the closeness of our faces made my heart pump harder against my ribcage.

As if he found his peace again, what he was craving for.

So i did what I wanted, what i was craving for the last two years.

I inched closer wanting to feel his lips over mine again. I miss how that felt. I miss the pleasure it would made rush into my veins.

But before my lips would touch his, he turned his face away, blocking me from taking this chance.

Our eyes that were connected with an intense gaze, he broke it, making me face his cheek.

He doesn't want to kiss me. He rejected my kiss.

It hurts.

It hurts more than i ever thought it would.

"Alex-" i said, my voice weak, i felt myself on the verge of crying, "It's me."

I wanted to remind him. I am the girl he fell in love with. It's still me.

"It's Cara." I added but he kept on looking away, his jaw tightened again as i talked, as if the sound of my voice pains him.

"I am your cupcakes." I said with a weak smile, trying to kick some of the old memories back to his mind.

He shook his head, his gaze met mine again. He shook his head again, as if telling me i am lying.

His hand suddenly held mine roughly, he raised it so he can show it to me, "You're not mine." His voice was so pained, as if my words were a knife and i let that knife wander in his heart.

"You're the wife of the man you're still wearing his ring." He added bitterly and then left my hand and stepped away.

I looked into his eyes for one last hopeless attempt to search for my Alex, for any trace of him, but alas, that Alex is long gone.

He really did change. And he had the total right to.

"Do you know what i feel now?

I feel betrayed. I feel stupid.

You betrayed me. You broke the trust we had."

I sensed the pain behind his words, "Cara when you were sleeping in other man's arms everyday , i was laying debating with myself wether i should end my life or not."

Tell him to stop, his words are killing me.

"When you were holding our daughter in your arms, i was trying to hold onto the memories we had, hold onto the future image we drew in our heads, trying to hold into hope so I won't give up."

The look in his eyes shattered me, "When you were alive Cara, i was the one who is dead."

I didn't know what to say, his words held a really big meaning.
"I told you i am sorry." I said with a tired tone, "There is nothing else i can do."

He shook his head, "If you want to, you would've tried-"

I know. I want to try but I just don't have the energy to fight for anything, I don't have it in me to fight for us. It's wrong to be like this, but that's the way i am.

I simply can't undo what i did. I regret it, a lot. I will never be able to forgive myself and the worst part, he will never be able to forget.

To fix him i need to fix myself first and that's way far from happening.

"I really don't know what i saw in you." He muttered, his words weren't just coming out of his drunk mind, they felt so sincere and it hit something in me.

He then turned around and walked away, while I stood there just taking into how things dangerously changed. A part of me wished i never came back. The hell Nikolas forced me in burns less than this weird ache in my chest now.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat, i grasped the anger and hurt and held it in my chest, trying to feel nothing.

Not even one tear fell.

It's not strength, no. It's this numbness that settles down your chest, It's because you felt too much that you reached a stage where you feel nothing anymore.

I shook my head and walked back to my room. I closed the door behind me and stepped inside, my eyes traveled to Lilly to see her still fast asleep. Today she cried before she slept as well, she wants Nikolas.

I let out a tired sigh, how can i cut him out of my life when i still feel him everywhere-

There is always chains shackling me to the past. My inside and outside are still polluted by him.

He is a storm. And storms devastate. Even when it ends, you still feel the effect of its hurricane. You still see the shattered pieces and the parts of you it had hurt on its way.

I'll never be able to escape him, so i'll never be able to fix myself.

I shook my head trying to shake these thoughts, i opened my bag and took my sleeping pills, my only way to rest.

Swallowing two, I crashed on the bed not allowing myself to think about anything. I placed my arms around Lilly and pulled her closer. My mind became at ease as i started to relax and I seriously felt nothing afterwards.

~~~~~~

The morning came, i woke up and started to get ready before Katherine and Ashton arrive. I gathered our stuffs in a bag ,not that i have many. I really need to buy lots of things, Lilly doesn't have much outfits here.

I opened my purse to place my pills, my movement paused when my eyes connected with the specific metallic weapon laying inside.

My stomach tightened as i slowly held it in my hand and brought it out. I turned it around and eyed it.

It is not my first time holding one. Roman taught me how to use it, he taught me how to defend myself, especially after Nikolas's actions.

But i never used it on an actual human being. Will i ever be able to ?

One time i tried. I wanted to. Not for Nikolas, no, but for the one person responsible for every wrong thing in my life.

My stomach tightened more as i recalled what happened before.

**FLASHBACK**

I wrapped my fingers tightly around the gun, i hid it inside my jacket, then i wrapped my arms around myself in an attempt to hide it.

I opened the door of my room, a smile crept its way to my lips when I didn't find Liam outside. It's a chance in a lifetime.

I stepped outside and slowly closed the door behind me. Then I carefully made my way to his office.

I memorized the way there. My legs took me on their own. With each step my heart would jump a bit higher.

I stopped when i reached the door, it was slightly opened and i heard his voice coming from inside.

With one hand under my jacket hiding the gun, i used the other to push the door open before i stepped inside.

He was standing, a phone to his ear, the other hand holding some papers.

At the sound of my footsteps, he lifted his eyes from the papers and met mine.

I licked my lips as nervousness started to build inside me.

"I will talk to you later." He said over the phone. He hung up and placed the papers and the phone on his desk before giving me his full attention.

"Yeah ?" He asked as he walked from behind his desk and made his way toward me, "Is there something wrong ?"

I kept my arms wrapped around myself, i kept silent as i gazed at him. With everyday he seems to age more, he looks older, he looks tired of everything. Good, he deserves it.

He titled his head and eyed me as if he sensed there is something off, "Cara ?" He asked warily.

I swallowed hard as i slowly removed my hand from under the jacket, without wasting a second i held it with both my hands and pointed it toward him.

I am crazy, i know. But what is happening is too much for me to handle. My mental state has been shaken to its core. I don't know who i am anymore.

His eyes traveled from my face to my hand, his eyes widened a bit. When he recovered from his shock, his gaze flicked to me, he raised an eyebrow, "What are you doing ?"

"You destroyed my life." I simply said as I tightened my hold over the gun, my finger over the trigger, one push and i will simply shoot him.

"Cara, put the gun down." He said with a warning tone. He tried to step closer but I directly shook my head "Don't !" I warned him tightening my hold more.

"You don't want to do this." He said, so sure.

"Believe me i do." I nodded my head, "You have to pay."

"For everything !" I added with gritted teeth. "You destroyed mom's life, Roman's life and mine, you destroyed everything dad !"

"Maybe if you are gone then things will get better." I added.

He swallowed, i saw the muscles of his throat work, his eyes on me, "You know i can take that gun from your hand before you even think of pulling the trigger."

My jaw tightened, "Try."

He shook his head, "I don't want to hurt you."

I scoffed, "You don't want to hurt me !", My eyebrows pulled together, "You sure?"

"You forced me to marry a man I don't want, do you know what that means ? Do you know or you want me to say it for you dad ?" I snapped, I didn't care about anything, at the moment i just wanted this pain over my chest to cease, it is killing me.

At my words, his jaw tightened, he closed his eyes and looked away not meeting my gaze. He knows, of course he does.

When he looked back at me, his eyes were holding something, something else i've never seen before. As the look in his eyes held mine, he inched closer, few steps and he was right in front of me.

His hand wrapped around mine and he inched them closer pressing the gun against his chest, "If it makes you feel any better, do it-" he said, ever so seriously, "Kill me."

I don't know why all the confidence i had faded at that moment, my heart galloped in my chest and i felt my hands shake underneath his hold. I felt the tears pricking my eye before the first one fell.

I sniffled, "Why ?" I shook my head, "Just why ? Why you did all this ?"

He shook his head, his hand still pressing the gun over his chest, "You won't believe me."

"Then don't lie to me !" I said, my voice raised a bit. More tears fell, "Tell me what's my fault !"

"What did i do to deserve this ?" I added with a low hiccup.

He shook his head, "Nothing." His voice was different as if trying to bury the emotions behind it, "Your only fault is being my daughter."

I felt the warm tears trickling down my cheek as i slowly removed my hands away.

I backed away a little, holding the gun down, "I won't do it, not because I can't, but I am sure that one day you will pay for everything-"

"One day when you will be all alone, you won't find Roman nor me beside you, not even your men, then- " I sniffled and with the back of my hand i wiped my cheek, "Then you will know how it feels to be abandoned, then you would want to die because it would slowly kills you-"

A small smile crossed his lips, a pained one, "You think it's not already killing me-"

He stepped closer toward me, "That my own daughter hates me -- that i failed you."

He shook his head, "The guilt i carry everyday, you think it's not slowly killing me-"

His eyebrows furrowed, "But I don't regret what i did, because it was the only way to keep you safe, it was the only way to keep my promise to you when I first held you in my arms-"

His words came so sincere, his eyes naked for me to see all the pain in them, "I promised you i'd always protect you, and everything i did was to keep that promise."

"I didn't leave because your mother told me to." He shook his head, "I left because if i stayed i'll always put you in danger, i left because I didn't have a choice."

"You could've stayed dad-" i said with a low sob, "You could've stayed and protected us, we would've went anywhere away from whatever was after us, at least we would've been a -- family."

His eyebrow raised, "Then why you didn't do that when i threatened you, why you didn't stay with Alex and fought back ?"

"I was scared." I said, my voice low.

He nodded, "And i had the right to be scared too."

"I couldn't take a slight risk like you couldn't." He added and he had a point.

"It's true i wasn't in your life but i saw everything, i saw how you grew up from that little girl to this grownup woman-" a smile crossed his lips, his smile, the one i loved way ago.

"I was there when you graduated high school, i was there on your first day at college, i saw you laugh and cry, i saw you happy and sad, i saw you but from far away- i was always too afraid to get close enough."

"I was there at your wedding day, i saw the happiness in your eyes, and now it kills me knowing i took that happiness away-"

"Why then ?" I asked, my voice so low, my heart felt so heavy, "All because of a stupid deal you made !"

He shook his head, "No. It's not the deal."

"I kept you a secret from everyone, being my daughter was a threat on you but I don't know how Nikolas knew about you, I discovered he was keeping taps on you for a while-

My eyebrows furrowed as he continued, "He said if I don't bring you here he'll simply kill you."

"And he is capable of doing so, I wasn't there to protect you so i had to do as he said-- i had to break your heart just to keep you safe."

"I don't know why he did this, why he wanted to marry you, maybe to get on me, because i've hurt him, i've hurt his father in so many ways, he is punishing you for my mistakes-"

I brought my hand and covered my mouth, i felt like throwing up, i felt like screaming, I didn't know what i felt.

I felt hurt and pained but in the same time, for more than twenty years, it's the first time i felt that i still have a father.

"Whatever i did or i do is the reason you are still breathing and alive and i'll do anything, Cara believe me when i say anything, to keep my promise, even if the next time it -- costed me my life."

I swallowed hard as he took one step closer, his hand went and lightly stroked my cheek, "Because you'll always be my little princess."

**END OF FLASHBACK**

I was snapped back to reality when i heard the bell ringing. I immediately placed the gun inside the purse again and closed it.

I shook whatever thoughts clouded my mind as i walked downstairs.

When i reached Alex was opening the door whereas Lilly was sitting watching Tv.

"Are you guys ready ?"

When i heard Katherine's voice, my gaze flicked to the door as she stepped inside.

She was wearing a blush pink dress that reached her knees, with a beige brimmed hat, she looked so pretty and ready for a vacation.

"Katherine you are not going on a vacation for god's sake." Alex said as he rolled his eyes.

She removed her sunglasses and shot him a glare, "Oh hell i am." She said, "It's not everyday we are going to the Hamptons."

Ashton followed her inside with Chase by his side. "Hey." I said to the little boy as i ruffled his hair. He looked up at me and smiled. He is the cutest i swear.

"Why you are wearing like this ?" My gaze went to Katherine, she was glaring at me, "Oh my god go change the weather is so good."

I looked down at my clothes. What the fuck is wrong with them. Wait, since when she is the one who tells me what to wear, i see the tables had turned over.

I looked at her with a raised eyebrow, she just shrugged in return.

"Come on let's go i am so excited !" She said with a squeal swinging her hips looking like a little girl going on a trip. Ashton was looking at her with a small smile.

The way he looks at her, as if she is the only one in this world.

They are just so adorable.

"You go, i will meet you at the airport." Alex said as he typed something on his phone.

Katherine's smile dropped, her eyebrows pulled together, "Why ?"

"I have to go and pick Anna." He answered.

Oh-

"Wait, Anna is going with us ?" Katherine said as she looked between us.

"Yes."

"Why ?" I couldn't help but ask.

His eyes traveled to me, he raised an eyebrow, "You said us knowing about you puts us in danger and -- she knows-"

He looked back at his phone, totally ignoring me,

"So of course i won't put her in danger for you."

*********************************

ME AND WRITERS BLOCK WENT INTO A FIGHT, and guess what i fucked her in the ass *swing my hips*

GET THAT WRITERS BLOCK.

Yup yup and i wrote 3.8k words, so i feel accomplished lol even if it's not that good.

I know i made you wait, i am so sorry *looks around guilty* and this chapter is shorter than usual, but the next chapter I won't take as much time and it would be longer *high five*

And yes i will keep posting pics of fathers and daughters because they are so cute I can't handle *fangirl moment*

Random question: Which couple you love more ? (Which Couple not which story)

Alex and Cara ?

Or

Katherine and Ashton ?

Love ya all and thanks for bearing with my lazy ass❤❤