Alex's POV

Life is playing its dirty game with me.

It is fucking me up.

Again.

The thing is, i really was happy for a while, the past year was perfect in its own way.

I finally felt okay.

But why did I believe that it would last forever. Why did I believe i was getting better.

Why it didn't cross my mind that in a span of seconds, i can lose it all.

Lose everything.

But - Why ?

What went wrong-

I tried to be my best. So i can deserve her.

But looks like, my best wasn't enough.

I get that now.

I looked around the room and shook my head. Nothing looks the same.

Nothing feels the same after her.

The house feels so empty, my heart feels so empty, i feel empty.

It's getting colder, and so is my heart.

It's getting darker, and so is the thoughts in my mind.

I can feel myself falling apart.

Again.

As i made my way to the stairs, my eyes connected with that specific door, i stopped and my heart clenched tight.

I took a step backward from the stairs and slowly walked toward it, my steps paused by the closed door. My fingers itching to push it open.

But in the same time, scared.

Because i know it'll be empty, she won't be inside.

Ignoring the building fire in my heart, my fingers wrapped themselves around the knob, twisting it, i pushed the door open.

And like I thought, she wasn't there.

Whenever i used to come home and not find her, i would always come here, to this specific room. She would be there, standing before the canvas, living in her own world, looking so relaxed, peaceful, and free.

As she stood there, she used to lose herself.

And i would be here, lost in her.

For a moment there, i actually saw her, as if memories replayed in my mind all over again, giving me this illusion, torturing my heart more.

I saw her, she was looking at the canvas in front of her, her fingers moving along it, she titled her head as if checking what she just brought to life, a small smile crossed her lips in satisfaction.

My heart melted and it hit me.

It him me so hard.

She lifted her eyes up, they connected with mine and if possible, her smile grew wider.

She placed the brush down, and moved, she started walking toward me and my heart jumped up and down.

I felt something other than pain for the very first time since she left.

Her clothes had paint on them, her hair messed up, yet she never looked any prettier.

She looked beautiful.

So beautiful, that it hurts.

She stopped in front of me, her lips moving as if she is saying something, but none of which my ears registered.

Because the only thing i am hearing now is my heart beating.

So hard. Too fast.

At her smile, i smiled.

It felt good to smile.

But when my hand went to touch her cheek, itching to feel her after so long, she just faded away, into nothing, into nowhere.

She just disappeared.

And my heart stopped beating again.

And everything started hurting again.

Anger started to build inside me, ready to lash out, ready to turn this room upside down, ready to rip everything apart, ready to erase any trace that leads back to her.

Maybe that will erase her from my mind. And maybe from my heart.

But in the same time, in the deepest part of my brain, i know I don't want that. I know i need her, i need the memory of her.

I swallowed past the building emotions in my throat and slowly walked further inside. My eyes roaming around till they landed on the last painting she was working on.

The one she didn't allow me to see.

My eyebrows furrowed as i walked closer to it, my jaw tightened as i took a look of what she was drawing.

A tired sigh left my lips, I brought my hand up and let my fingers run over the painting.

It was a guy standing, beside him stood a girl, with a little baby in her arms. The guy's eyes were at the little baby, his hand on her hair with a big smile on his face. Whereas the girl looking at the guy, the same smile over her lips.

I bit the inside of my cheek.

The drawing is us.

The small family we were supposed to be. The future we thought we gonna have.

The happiness in our eyes that's now long lost, the smile over our lips that's now stolen away.

My fingers lingered over the girl, "You promised you won't leave." I slowly let the words out. "Then why you left-"

"Why you left me Cara ?"

I didn't make any sense. I know. It's not like she left with choice.

But this pain that's clawing its way to my bones, to every part of me, this ache that found its way even to my veins, it's all too much to handle, too much to bare.

"I am not strong." I added as my hand left the painting, i took a step backward, "You know i am not strong."

My palms rested at the counter behind me, as my eyes kept looking at the painting, so many feelings piling inside, so many feelings, went unsaid.

Because no one is here to listen.

Everything suddenly started falling apart, too fast to be fixed. The doors i closed in my brain, opened up, reminding me of who i am, what i was, what i'll always be.

"I have no one." I whispered. It never felt more true.

"I know i pushed them away." I said, i was talking with myself, i was going crazy, "I know i didn't want them to stay, it's because I didn't want to hurt them."

"It's better this way.

They won't understand, no will ever understand."

I felt something beside my hands, i turned around to see an envelope laying on the counter.

My eyebrows pulled together as i took it in my hands, i turned it around to see my name written over it.

How come i never saw this before.

I opened it and slowly took the paper out. I opened it letting my eyes take i to the word written, one by one.

"Alex i swear if you are reading this before your birthday i will kill you.

If it's not your birthday yet, put the paper down- PUT IT DOWN- YOU -

Who i am kidding, you gonna keep reading it anyway, I know your curious ass *glares*

Anyways, anyways, even thought I won't be here on your birthday since i am on my work trip, I didn't want to miss it, SO

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST HUSBAND ! *virtually hugs you*

CAN YOU BELIEVE WE MADE TILL HERE, MARRIAGE AND ALL, WHO THOUGHT THAT WOULD HAPPEN- LIKE YOU AND ME AND WE ARE FAMILY AND ALL OH MY GOD-

Okay why i am screaming smh. *calms myself down*

You asked me before if i am happy with you, first of all, ARE YOU CRAZY, of course i am, no one can make me smile when i am in a shitty mood but you, even your lame silly jokes, they always managed to make me laugh.

See i am even smiling like an idiot as i am writing this while you are inside watching some game on the TV, damn i am gonna go kiss you then come back and continue writing hold on. *goes to the living room and kisses you*

*comes back*

I am back. It took me long i know, it is just you always want more than a kiss. Needy douchbag *glares* "

A faint smile crossed my lips, but in the same time a lone tear fell from my eye into the paper, i directly wiped it away afraid it may ruin the writings as i continued reading.

"Jokes aside now, i want to say thank you, for giving me the best days of my life, for loving the messed up me, for making me able to love.

I hope you liked the painting. I know you are stupid so if you didn't figure it out already, then lemme tell you, it's you, me and our little bundle of joy.

Can you believe we gonna be parents. Sometimes i feel we are so not ready, but well, Ashton and Katherine did it, so we can do it too, am i right ?"

I swallowed hard, my chest tightened and my knees gave up, i sat down on the floor, my back laying on the table behind me, my hand tightened over the paper. I shook my head, I always try not to think about this part, ignore the fact that i couldn't even see my daughter, that i didn't get the chance to become a father, maybe because it is too painful to think it through.

"One last thing before i finish,

I love you.

I am in love with everything about you, i am in love with your smile, that alone makes me smile and take my pain away. Don't lose that smile, never, for me okay.

Sincerely,
Your cupcakes."

A shaky breath escaped past my lips, i closed my eyes and let the paper fall out of my hand.

Why it had to be this much hard-

How can i - get over it ?

There is only one way.

My mind screamed, No, you can't, you shouldn't.

But I didn't listen.

I opened my eyes, i brought my hand up and eyed my wrist.

My other hand went and lingered over the faint scars over my skin.

It helped me before. It'll help me again.

It numbs the pain.

It will help me move on, again.

With determination to get through this, i stood up and as fast as i can, i went to the bathroom.

As if I can't wait to feel it, again.

I felt the fast rush of blood in my veins as if it knows what's about to happen.

I opened the drawer, i took the razor out.

My hand shook.

Don't. A voice in my head said. You can get over it. Not like this.

I still didn't listen. I became deaf and blind. I just wanted to do it.

I was fighting the logical part, silencing it.

He kept screaming, trying to kick some sense back into me. But i just reminded it how good it felt.

Its voice became faint. I smiled, i took control over it again.

I lifted my eyes up, i started at my reflection in the mirror then back at my hands.

But- i made a promise before.

I shook my head. No. Fuck it. Fuck that promise.

"You left. You broke your promise." I said, to no one.

"It's time to break mine." I muttered lowly as i pressed the cold metal against my skin.

*******

Cara's POV

How was i able to do that ?

Oh my god - How ?

I placed my hand over my chest, feeling real pain, i felt the burn, as if i just lighted a flame in my chest.

It felt as if i just lost a part of me.

Which i did.

I betrayed him.

I got married to another man.

I felt the tears pricking my eyes, i felt dizzy, i felt like throwing up. My palm pressed against the wall as if to hold into something, or i will just fall and break down.

"You okay there ?" I heard Liam's voice from behind me.

I turned my head to see him looking at me with furrowed eyebrows. It's like his words just snapped me back to reality, i shook my head as i let the tears free.

I am not okay. How can i be.

"Damn, don't cry." He said, almost in a panicked tone.

I let go of the wall, and suddenly i felt the whole place spinning around me, black dots swarmed in my vision and i felt my legs giving me up.

A hard hand held my arm tightly, "Woah there." I heard Liam's voice before i felt him pull me and make me sit on the chair.

I blinked and took in a deep breath trying to take control over myself again.

"Drink this."

I lifted my eyes to see Liam handing me a glass of water.

I took it from him and took a sip, "Thank you." My voice came so low. My hand shaking around the glass, i felt it would just slip out of my hand and crash on the floor. I tightened my fingers around it and placed it over my lap.

"Don't be hard on yourself."

I met his eyes again and shook my head, "You know nothing."

"Maybe not." He said with a shrug before he seated himself on the chair beside me, "But i know that your brother will do his best to get you out of here."

"What if he couldn't." I said, hating that thought. But there is no guarantee he can do that.

And let's say he did it. What will happen to him, Nikolas won't leave him like that after working behind his back.

I let out a tired sigh. I am sick of all this.

"I am sure he will do anything to save you from that devil's hand." Liam muttered after a short while, his tone almost bitter.

I turned my head toward him, his eyes hard fixated in front of him, his hand curled into a tight fist.

My eyebrows furrowed, "Why you hate him this much?" I asked out of curiosity.

"He took what's mine." He muttered lowly and i almost felt the pain behind his word.

"What do you mean ?"

He turned his head toward me and raised an eyebrow, "None of your business."

"If you feel better, go to your room." He added, his tone back to the cold, empty one.

My lips curled in annoyance. Can anyone be a little nice over here ?

"Just before i go-" i started, my eyes looked around, "What is this place ?"

Liam chuckled lowly, "As if you don't know already."

"I do." I said lowly, "I am just confused, like who is like you know - the one in control of everything ? Is it my dad or Nikolas or who ? I don't understand."

"Stay that way." He said, "The less you know, the better."

"Since you started asking again, that means you feel better, now to your room." He said waving me off.

I huffed as i stood up, "I hate you." I muttered lowly more to myself than to him.

He chuckled, "Well, the feeling is not mutual then."

I turned around kind of shocked by his words, he just winked making a small smile crawl to my lips, "Don't go soft on me." I said with a raised eyebrow, "I remember you said you don't do friends."

He smiled and shrugged, "I still don't." He nodded his head to my room, "To your room, now."

My smiled dropped, i cursed under my breath and walked inside my room.

I slumped on the bed with a sigh, I brought my hand up and eyed my finger, eyed the ring over it. With my other hand i twirled it around.

"I am sorry Alex." I muttered lowly as i removed it from over my finger and placed it over my palm.

"Give me that."

My eyes widened and I directly sat straight in my bed when i heard his voice.

I didn't even hear the door opening.

Why he keep doing that-

I fisted my hand over the ring and shook my head, "No."

His lips lifted up in a smile, "Yes, you will give it to me." He added as he walked closer.

I pressed my back against the headboard, i shook my head, my gaze traveled around me, my eyes landed on the glass cup on the counter beside me, I directly took it, "I swear to god if you come any closer, i will hit you."

He chuckled, "You're threatening me with a cup, seriously ?!." He raised an eyebrow and took few steps closer.

I bit the inside of my cheek, "I will do it."

He shook his head and leaned closer, trapping me, again.

"Do it then." He said, challenging me.

My hand shook. I wanted to hit him, i wanted to pain him like he is doing to me-

But - I couldn't.

"I thought so." He said before he took the cup from my hand and placed it away.

He rested his fingers under my chin and lifted it up, "Now give me the ring."

I shook my head, "No, you can't take everything from me."

"Why you want it anyway !" My voice raised and his grip tightened over my chin, he forced my head up making it hit the headboard.

"I have my reasons." He said before he took my fisted hand in his, he effortlessly opened it and took the ring before stepping away.

"No, give it back." I snapped as i stood up, i hit his chest pushing him away, my tears fell again, "Give it back !"

He didn't look affected, he just shook his head, "Nope."

"Why you're doing this ?" I snapped as i hit his chest again, this time he took a hold of my wrist and twisted it making me let out a whimper in pain, "Look i am being tolerant just because you are pregnant." He raised an eyebrow, "Don't let me do something i may regret later."

"Why you are doing this ?" I asked again, but my voice lower this time, my shoulders shook, "What do you want from me !" I said through my tears.

"Is it power ?" I asked, "Marrying me gives you power over my dad, is that it ?"

His eyebrows pulled together, "Power ?" He mockingly said, "I have power sweetheart, i am way more powerful than that old man you call a father."

"Then what ?" I wanted answers, i deserved answers.

He let go of my wrist, his eyes looking directly into mine, my soul shook at the hardness in them, "Revenge." The word left his mouth with so much hate.

My eyebrows furrowed - Revenge ?

For what ?

Is it because of what happened with his sister ?

"Is it because of what happened to your sister ?" I asked what's on my mind, "Because of Roman."

He looked at me as if i just grew another head, and suddenly - he started laughing.

"You're so naive, i swear."

I understood nothing.

"That was necessary." He said with a shrug, "It was supposed to happen."

"One of them was supposed to die, so i can complete the deal - so i can marry you."

What ?

"It was all planned." He added with a wicked smirk over his lips.

My mind went wild trying to register his words, and it didn't take me long to get a grasp of what he meant.

A gasp escaped my lips, my eyes widened more, "You -" i pointed my finger toward him.

How could he ?

"You killed her." I said, for some reason i took a step backward. In fear maybe.

He nodded, almost confidently. His smirk grew wider.

My hand flew to my mouth, shocked tears escaped my eyes as i lowly said,

"You killed your sister."

*********************************

I know the chapter is shorter than usual and completely not edited, but well I don't have much time and I didn't want you guys to wait more, so-

And *gasp* what just happened ? Why you guys think Nikolas is doing all of this ?

Well, about Alex, i have no comment, i will go cry in some corner.

Leave your opinion.

Love ya all ❤