During the two years when Cara was away...

London, UK.

Cara's POV

I fixed my cardigan, wrapping my arms around myself as I leaned against the doorframe, watching Lilly, nestled between my father's arms as he walked her around the garden, whispering things and pointing around as he talked with her.

Her baby eyes would drift around and then go back up to him, confused but also curious. He would smile, and so would she, making him wrap his arms tighter around her little body. He always does this, giving her a tour through the garden when the weather allows it, speaking and talking for hours sometimes. I could only wonder what type of conversations he has with her.

My lips curved up as I observed them from a distance. The constant tightness unwrapped from over my chest the longer I stood there and witnessed something akin to normal. My life has been all types of messy and these peaceful minutes were like a ray of sunlight breaking through in the midst of a hurricane. This was like a fresh breath of air surging through my lungs after being underwater suffocating for too long.

My head tilted to the side, watching Lilly gurgling and moving in Dad's arms, being her little energetic happy self. He chuckled before he wrapped her tiny body under his own jacket, shielding her from the light breeze that blew by us. She snuggled deeper into his chest, resting her head over his shoulder, bringing her thumb up and placing it inside her mouth, sucking on it as she further relaxed into his big warm embrace.

It calmed my stressed nerves to see her laughing and a bit energetic. She was slightly sick over the past few days, which terrified me beyond measure because I had no clue what to do. I am still learning and discovering, powering through this motherhood and all that it encompasses. It isn't easy, that's for sure, but I wouldn't change it for anything. It's the best thing to ever happen to me. She is the best thing to ever happen to me.

She is my only hope.

She is all I have left of Alex.

I shook my head, shaking the melancholic feelings away before they got the chance to overcome and break me down again. A low breath pushed off my lungs and parted my lips, kicking off the heavy weight I kept carrying over my shoulders. It's just one of those days, you know. The calm steady ones. The ones where I can breathe without having to look over my shoulders every second.

The house is almost empty. There is only Dad, Roman, Liam, and the guards who are always here. The rest had gone somewhere, including him. I haven't seen him for a week now and I couldn't be happier. I don't know where he went to and I could care less, my only hope is that he never comes back. He is probably out there ruining more people's lives. Would it be too evil if I wished for someone to stab him, or maybe like put a bullet through his head...my dreams are simple actually. I am not asking for much.

My tired heart squeezed inside my chest and the dark part of my brain mocked this miserable state I am knee-deep in. It didn't matter though. This is my life now and I have accepted it. I have no choice but to accept it.

To keep Lilly safe, to make sure everyone is safe, I have to accept, or else he...

Speaking of the devil.

Uncomfotrablness prickled underneath my skin all of a sudden, my thoughts paused, and a wave of anxiety threatened to knock the breath out of my lungs. My shoulders tensed up as footsteps neared me from behind. I always knew when it was him. My body immediately reacted to his presence before my brain could register it.

"Why is she outside when it's cold?"

My eyelids fell down and my jaw tightened, gathering my fake strength before I turned around and faced him. Too much for wishing he stumbled and hit his big head over a rock. "Because, well," I crossed my arms over my chest, casually speaking, "It's none of your business."

As if he would care for her more than I do.

Hypocrite.

His jaw clenched at my defiant tone and the way I shot him a glare, "Can't say I missed you," He grated out with a dry tone. The look in his eyes is one of which he wished he could shut me up, but he held himself back. For now.

My lips curled up into a mocking fake smile, "The feeling is mutual."

And my slightly good week had just reached an end...Cue sad music.

His gaze flickered back to Lilly, curled up in Dad's embrace, and on the verge of falling asleep, "Bring her inside before I make a scene."

I rolled my eyes and of course, I wasn't going to do as he said. As if I ever did everything he ordered from me. He stole my life, so I don't plan on giving him pleasure by taking more. Not that there is much left anyway.

Before Nikolas could make a scene, per his words, Dad had already noticed Lilly's sleepy state, so he wrapped her tighter between his arms and started to head inside and closer to us. His eyes fell on me first before they traveled to Nikolas and his previous good mood evaporated into thin air. See, this man brings pessimism to just everyone.

Dad took a pause by my side, handing me Lilly and I immediately took her half-asleep self into my arms. She rested her cheek over my shoulder and my hand cradled the back of her head, gently caressing her soft hair. She mewled as she tried to fight her sleepiness but it took her seconds only to sigh and relax in my embrace.

Dad's gaze was on him but Nikolas's attention was only on Lilly as she snuggled deeper into my embrace, his eyes caressing her face, rather softly I might add. I don't understand him, I don't think I ever will, not that I want to but his bond with Lilly still leaves me baffled. Does he actually care for her? Is there some other ulterior motive behind this? I needed to know because it was my own daughter's safety on the line.

Before he could try to take her from my embrace and hold her like he usually does, I turned around and started to head for my room. He understood my motives and his expression shifted, from soft and gentle to hard and evil, his cruel eyes held mine for a second too long and I narrowed my own eyes at him before I resumed walking, building distance far away from him.

When I entered my room, I closed the door behind me. Despite my resilient need to act strong and unaffected, something in my chest trembled with fear and anxiety, knowing very well that tonight wouldn't be a good one. I sucked into a deep breath and pressed my eyes shut, I kicked away the unshed tears and tried to think of happy thoughts, hoping they'd overcome this darkness building up within me.

I let out a low sigh, my arms tight around Lilly as I leaned my back against the door. Behind my closed eyelids, my happy thoughts consisted of him only, his smile, his warm eyes, his nonsense words, his innocent yet very dirty mind...A low sad chuckle rumbled from my throat as I remembered all that he is...all that he was.

Is he still the same? I always wonder. Did he change? Does he still smile? Is he okay? Did he move on? I always have this big urge to check up on him. I can. I can ask Roman and he would find me anything I wanted about Alex, but...but I know that I am not ready, I am not prepared to witness the outcomes of my actions.

If I saw him broken, like me, I wouldn't be able to catch my next breath. The thought that he might not be okay, is already ripping me apart.

So, the unknown is much better. I can imagine him happy, just like he was. Fine and healthy. Still smiling, still making silly jokes, and still going through his days like nothing ever happened.

I pried my eyes open and adjusted my blurry sight. I sniffled, kicking the negativity away as I walked forward. Reaching Lilly's crib, I lowered her asleep self into it, ready to call it a night. Her head rested over the pillow but she started to toss around immediately. Lines etched her forehead and with her eyes still closed, she let out a soft cry. She would do that sometimes when she longer felt my arms around her. So, I brought my hand to her hair, smoothing it away from over her head, trying to help her relax and fall back asleep.

My attempts were futile, and her cries only increased with every passing second. I gave up on trying to get her back to sleep and picked her up again, cradling her in my arms, "Hey, I am here," I whispered softly, wrapping my arms around her and running my hand over the back of her head, "I am right here, baby," I tried to soothe her but somehow couldn't.

I walked her around the room, swaying her little body, doing every trick I learned and everything she used to like but nothing seemed to work at this moment. I paused in my steps and sat by the bed's edge, resting her over my lap as I tried to feed her, thinking that maybe she was hungry. She kept crying, shaking her head, and tossing in my arms, refusing to eat. Stress squeezed me in its fringes and I fixed my shirt before I pulled her back up. I checked her diaper and it was clean. I checked her temperature but she had no fever at all.

"Baby, what is it?" I asked, helplessly. I hated when she cried and I couldn't figure out what was bothering her. It made me feel terrible; like I wasn't competent enough to be a mother. She was my responsibility, my baby and I should be capable of soothing her.

Her tears kept flowing down her cheeks, breaking my heart into a million pieces. I pulled her closer into my embrace and hugged her, smoothly rocking her, "What is it? What is hurting you?" I knew she couldn't answer me, but my helplessness had me speak out loud, my own tears threatening to fall, "Please Lilly, calm down," I mumbled into her little shoulder, "I don't know what else to do..."

Minutes after minutes passed and I was running out of ideas and things to do. Every trick in the book couldn't help me now. I paced around the room, keeping her tucked in my arms and I started to hyperventilate. There is something hurting her but I don't know what it is. God, I was so close to losing my own mind.

I was too absorbed in my head to notice how the door to my room opened. Footsteps echoed from behind me and I whirled around at their sound, my tearful eyes meeting Nikolas's concerned ones as he paused by my side, "What's wrong?" He asked, and if I am not mistaken, the worry in his tight tone matched the one in mine.

I shook my head, "I...I don't know."

I didn't fight him when he leaned to pick her up from my arms. I'd do anything to help her calm down and take away whatever pain she was feeling now. Nikolas cradled her in his own arms, one of his hands went to her face, palming her cheeks and gently wiping her tears away, "What is it, princess," He caressed her hair, pushing away the sweaty wet strands but nothing eased down her cries, "Is there something hurting you," He mumbled, his eyes flickering all over her face and body, checking if anything was out of the ordinary.

Lilly's loud cries probably bruised her throat because she started coughing. Nikolas rubbed at her back soothingly, "Shush, it's okay," He said, "It's okay," Lilly's coughs increased and so did the flow of my tears, "What's wrong with her?" I mumbled, ever so weakly as I inched even closer and ran my hand over her face and arms, "I don't know what to do..."

Her coughs subdued, and for a second only, she stopped crying, a mere second before she hiccuped, then her head edged forward and she threw up all over Nikolas's suit. My eyes widened after she let out all that was in her stomach over him. She stopped crying after that, proving that throwing up eased whatever pain she was experiencing. A few low hiccups left her mouth, she sniffled as she looked ahead at Nikolas's clothes, trying to understand what she did and how that came out of her.

Her lower lip trembled and her teary eyes lifted up to his face, she was about to break into tears but Nikolas shook his head, trying so hard to calm her down, "It's okay, it's okay," he said soothingly, almost like nothing had happened, "It's nothing," He said, not once looking down at the mess she made, but rather focused on her wellbeing. Meanwhile, I pulled the wet napkins from the drawer and wiped at her face before I tried to remove what dripped down over her dress.

Lilly sniffled and her eyes drifted from him to me, her lips curling up into a heart-melting pout as she tried to comprehend what was happening. Nikolas edged his head forward and pressed a kiss over her head, rubbing soothing circles over her back, then gently over her stomach, "Does it hurt here?" He asked and Lilly's red eyes broke both of our hearts, "Don't worry, we'll go to the doctor now, and you will be okay, I promise," He mumbled to her, dropping another kiss over the top of her head before his eyes flickered to me.

His jaw tightened involuntarily, and there was anger buried behind the calmness for some reason, "Get her a jacket," He said and just because I was worried sick to my stomach, I listened, scurrying toward the closet and pulling out one of her jackets.

I walked back and took Lilly from his arms, using the wet wipes to clean some of the mess before I decided to just fully change her clothes. Quickly, I changed her dress into one of her comfy pajamas before I fixed the jacket around her. Nikolas on the other hand, had his eyes flickering down to his clothes, a few lines etched on his forehead and even though I expected him to get angry over the vomit covering his clothes, he couldn't seem less bothered as he took his suit jacket off and walked out of the room, probably for a quick change of attire.

I pulled up a beanie and fixed it over Lilly's head, lowering it and covering her ears. Tears had lined her lashes, and her nose was red but she was no longer crying, just sniffling as she fidgeted with the jacket's zipper. I kissed her head before I backed away and pulled one of my coats, throwing it over whatever I was wearing before I picked Lilly up in my arms and exited the room.

Just then, Nikolas was walking out of his, his vomit-covered clothes long gone and replaced with clean ones. Without exchanging any words, we both headed down the stairs, my gaze drifted around, searching for Roman or for Dad, for anyone to accompany me. I found no one and I really couldn't focus or care for anything other than making sure Lilly was okay.

We left the house and the car was already waiting by the driveway. Nikolas opened the back door for me and I got inside with Lilly wrapped up between my arms. He closed it before he got into the driver's seat, roaring the engine and pulling the car away from the estate and out of the main gate.

Lilly sat in my lap, sniffling and silent, not crying nor laughing and smiling like her usual energetic self. She kept playing with her jacket, pulling the zipper up and down. I took off her beanie and smoothed her hair, I checked her face and body for any fever or rise in temperature but there was nothing out of the ordinary. I kept dropping kisses over her head, her temple, her cheeks, and her little hands. She was all I had; if anything ever happened to her...

I shook my head, the thought alone wasn't acceptable.

Nikolas paused the car by the red traffic lights, using the moment to turn around and look at us. His eyes fell on Lilly and her current calm state had his tensed shoulders relax a little. He brought his hand forward, resting it over her little leg, grabbing her attention to him. She lifted her eyes up and looked at him, and when he offered her a small smile, she smiled back, her smile all sleepy and somber, but it was a smile nevertheless.

She raised her arms up, curling her fingers into the inside of her palms, her way of asking him to hold her and he nodded his head, "I will, just after I take us to the hospital, okay?" He tried to reason with her and she lowered her arms, way too exhausted to cry again.

The lights turned green and he resumed driving, his eyes going to the rearview mirror with every passing minute, watching and checking on her state. When we reached the hospital, I tightened my arms around Lilly before I went down, Nikolas followed suit by my side, his hand resting over my lower back as he led my way. I was too absorbed in Lilly's well-being to care for his touches or anything concerning him at the moment.

Nikolas went ahead first and spoke with someone because right after, they let us in so quickly. I talked to the ER doctor and explained how she was sick a couple of days ago. I listed her symptoms and the medications that I gave her. I let Lilly rest on the examining bed, allowing the doctor to look over her and take the necessary tests.

Thankfully, she didn't cry or make a fuss as the doctor listened for her heartbeats and checked her temperature, inspected her throat, ears, and just everything. Instead, she was gazing at him ever so curiously, she brought her hand forward and rested it over the man's glasses, and she casually pulled them off, earning a laugh from the doctor. He gently took them out of her grip, "I kind of need those," He said with a wink but she gave him no reaction, just cluelessly staring at him before her eyes flickered around the room, observing the people coming in and out.

It wasn't usual for her, to see so many foreign people at once. My dad, Roman, Liam, me, and Nikolas are the only people she interacted with since birth. This must feel very out of place for her. Her confused scared gaze fell on Nikolas out of everyone, she pouted and she brought her hand forward, curling her fingers into the inside of her palm, ushering him to get closer.

He didn't need more as he brushed past me, wrapping his arms around her body, and pulling her into his lap as he settled on the bed, allowing the doctor to carry on with his inspection. Lilly pressed the back of her head against Nikolas's chest, lifting her eyes up and looking at him. He leaned down and kissed her forehead, "I am right here," He assured her and she relaxed into his arms.

The doctor explained how he needed to administrate an IV and make necessary blood tests to check for any infection before he would let her go. Nikolas asked for a private room, realizing how uncomfortable Lilly got with the crowd. He took her up and we settled into one of the rooms just as the nurse came for the IV.

The needle in the woman's hand had Lilly shrink back, curling into a ball in Nikolas's embrace. I crouched down beside her, my hands resting over her little thighs, taking her attention away from the nurse, "Hey, sweetie, look at me," I said and she pouted, tears gathering in her eyes as she heartbrokenly stared at me.

"It's okay, I am right here, you are gonna be just okay," I said, smiling and palming her cheek as Nikolas rubbed his hand over her back, his arm around her little body so tight, his gaze focused on the nurse's hands as she carefully inserted the needle into Lilly's arm. He looked more than ready to pull his gun out and kill them all if they did one thing wrong.

Lilly let out a low yelp at the sensation, sniffling before tears fell down. She pressed her eyes shut and let out low soft cries. I kept palming her cheeks, keeping her eyes on me, smiling, and trying to drift her mind away. Nikolas did the same, he'd drop soft kisses over the top of his head every now and then, whispering soothing words in her ear until they were done.

The nurse excused herself and Nikolas let Lilly rest on the bed as he stood up. My heart squeezed so tight, she looked so little, sitting there, surrounded by the hospital's whiteness. She brought her IV-attached arm up and stared at it. Her lower lip quivered at the sight and she was about to cry again but I took the spot beside her so quick, my arm going around her little body and I spoke of anything and everything just to keep her focus on me only.

"I will be back," Nikolas said before he stepped out of the room and I couldn't care less for him, all of my attention on my little girl and her well-being.

After a few minutes, she finally relaxed, and my racing heart began to calm. Exhausted after many sleepless nights, she drifted into sleep, and I gently covered her with a blanket, sticking by her side until the doctor arrived. It didn't take long for Nikolas to return with the doctor, who held her results in hand. The speed at which they were ready took me by surprise. The doctor clarified that a mild infection from her previous illness still lingered in her tiny body. He assured us that it was nothing to worry about and that her health would fully return within the next couple of days.

He provided us with a prescription for medication and informed us that we could bring her home once she had completed her IV treatment. When he left, Nikolas disappeared too only to return back with the prescribed medicines a couple of minutes later. He settled on the couch across the bed and waited alongside me, watching Lilly.

We both remained quiet: me, my attention solely on Lilly, and him, well, he looked the same, all his attention focused on Lilly and her health. When she woke up and her IV bag was empty, the nurse returned to remove it so we could head home. As the nurse carefully pulled the needle from Lilly's arm, she let out a sudden cry of pain, causing Nikolas's eyes to widen. "Careful!" he shot out at the nurse, and he looked ready to bury her ten feet underground for simply doing her job.

I shot him a stern look, asking him to back the fuck off. The nurse quickly apologized before finishing her task and exiting the room, leaving us alone. Nikolas reached for Lilly's jacket and wrapped it around her before I could react. He pulled her into his arms, and before I could voice any objections, Lilly relaxed into his embrace. She rested her head on his shoulder, her little arms encircling his neck. For her sake, I chose to remain silent.

We headed out of the room and the hospital, Lilly in Nikolas's embrace kept mumbling some gibberish words, acting more like her usual self, and allowing my troubled thoughts to take a halt. Nikolas responded to her gibberish, keeping her entertained and dropping a few kisses over her head every now and then.

When we reached the car, he opened the door and looked at me, ushering me to enter so he could hand me Lilly. I got inside and he carefully gave me Lilly back. She sat down in my lap, lifting her eyes up and looking at me. She smiled and I smiled back, more than delighted that she was feeling better now. I caressed her beautiful face and dropped a kiss over her cheek, "I love you so much," I whispered into her skin.

She mumbled some gibberish back and I chose to believe that they meant that she loved me too.

Without a word, Nikolas drove off, taking us back to the estate. Lilly leaned the back of her head into my chest, and I rested my temple against the cold window, gazing at the world as it passed us by. The streets were shrouded in silence as the rain tapped gently against the windowpane. God, how long has it been since I was outside? I kept peering out at the world beyond, and I couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions. The bitter truth was that my brief taste of freedom was nothing more than an illusion. Here I was, my captor behind the wheel, getting me closer and closer to my gilded cage.

The rain was getting heavier, so when Nikolas stopped the car, one of the guards rushed to my side with an umbrella in hand as he opened my door. I went down, a fast-asleep Lilly in my arms, and the man led my way to the house's entrance. He opened the door and I was about to step inside only to come to an abrupt stop as someone came out of the house at that same moment, and almost bumped into me.

I stumbled backward at his sight, my back slamming into a hard chest. Nikolas's hands came to my arms, steadying me from the back. My heart took off a sprint and my skin crawled as my eyes fell on his grey one ahead of me. Lucas. He seemed to be slightly taken aback too, not expecting to see me either. I haven't crossed paths with him since...that day.

His gaze drifted to Nikolas behind me and he gave him a small nod before he walked past us and far away. My feet stayed glued to the ground, my arms so tight over Lilly, and my mind slowly sinking back into the dark pit. I pressed my eyes shut and felt all out of sorts; like I could throw up, like I break into sobs and cry, like I could crumble to the ground right here in front of everyone.

I was so out of it, that I didn't understand how Nikolas was leading my way inside, or more like pushing my frozen body into the house. The door closed behind us and the sound was the only thing to shake me back to the present. Feeling aware, I immediately pulled my body out of Nikolas's touch, "Don't touch me!" I grated out as I turned my head and looked at him with murderous eyes.

God, I hated him, hated him so much.

His jaw ticked and his gaze drifted to a sleeping Lilly in my arms, "Keep your voice low," He hissed the words, and my eyes widened at his audacity. Even with Lilly in my arms, I pushed him away from me, "You asshole, stop acting like you care about my own daughter more than me!" I shot out, my voice raising because I was so damn close to losing it again. Seeing Lucas was another wake-up call. Maybe I forgot...No, scratch that, I can never forget. Maybe I was trying to look past everything because Nikolas hadn't visited my room at night, not since the Lucas incident, but that didn't mean he wouldn't do it again.

He will, I am sure. I internally scoffed, maybe he is just giving me time, considering I tried to kill myself and all...

Something seemed to tick in his eyes at my tone and constant disobedience, especially when his men were around and could hear us. He knew I feared him, there were no doubts there because I did, but I always pretended otherwise. How could I not fear him; How could I not, when something so dark lurked in his eyes, harboring a monster who could slaughter me alive? A monster who scarred me deeply and is ready to scar me more.

"Turn around and walk to your room," He said, no excuse me, he ordered, "Or else-"

"Or else what?" I taunted back, having a death wish apparently, "What more could you do to me that you haven't done already, huh?"

Fire licked the anger in his gaze, his jaw tight as his hand curled over my arm, "Move," He grated out, his gaze falling on Lilly in my arms, making sure she was well as he tried to push me forward. Deciding it's better to put her in her crib before I go batshit crazy on him, I resumed walking, went into my room and I carefully placed Lilly in her crib.

I backed away, my eyes falling on him, "Leave," I shot out, moving closer to his side because I understood what he was thinking about, he wanted to stay with Lilly, "Get out," I pushed at his arm when he didn't budge.

He ever so effortlessly held my wrist, stopping me from attacking him again, "She is still sick, I need to stay by her side, in case something else happens-"

I shook my head, "For god's sake, stop!" I shot out, trying to free my wrist from his grip, "She is my daughter, not yours!" I grated out, finally able to pull my arm back, "You are not her father so stop acting like you are!"

"Cara, I am only tolerating you now for her sake," He grated out, a dangerous gleam in his green eyes, "You asked what more I can do to you, believe me," He scoffed, "I could do much worse," The warning, the threat and the promise of pain in his voice were not to be questioned and I could feel my heart tremble in my chest. I could feel my heart crying out loud, on his knees, and giving up. I could feel him cry for Alex, wishing him to come out of nowhere and whisk me away from this horrible nightmare.

Tears gathered in my eyes and Nikolas didn't stop. He brought his hand and tucked my hair behind my ear, his gentle act a total contradiction to the twisted darkness of his tone as he edged his head closer, whispering the words in my ear, "If you think that you've seen my worst, love, then you're mistaken," His voice was low but it sent shivers digging underneath my skin, "I could take you to hell and bring you back," He added, "Don't think that I am done, I haven't even started yet, and when I do," He said, "You will wish you stayed in hell instead, it will be a mercy compared to everything I will do."

He edged backward, his eyes falling on mine, "I am only giving you a break now, because," His eyebrow raised, something inhumane in his gaze, "Because maybe I feel slightly bad for you," Mockery woven into his words and he added, "Pity, that's all."

A low groan rumbled from my chest and my hand flew up, ready to slam into his face because I couldn't handle him or his words or this humiliation anymore. But his reflexes were faster and he caught my wrist right before my hand could collide with his face.

My jaw tightened and I grated out, "I hate you," I said with such rawness because I never hated anyone in my life like this, "I hate you so much."

He shrugged, "And I couldn't care any less."

Realizing I wouldn't get the chance to slap him or hurt him back, I did the only thing I could at the moment. I edged my head forward and spat on his face, because apparently, I had gone mad too. I was playing with fire and he could hurt me back so easily but I couldn't care. I had lost my mind the moment I saw Lucas again.

Nikolas's eyelids glided down, seeking control and he let go of my wrist. He moved his hand over his face and when he glided them open again, they looked ready to put a bullet in my head and just get rid of me.

But he didn't.

"One day, you are going to pay," I said, because I needed to believe in that, I needed to believe that all of this pain would come to an end soon, that I wouldn't stay trapped in here forever, "One day soon, you are going to pay for all of this," I grated out through clenched teeth, pointing my finger at him as I added, "And when you are going to beg me to spare you," I shook my head, "I won't."

********************

Nikolas's POV

She exhausts me.

Mentally. Physically. She exhausts me beyond measure.

Before I could lose my control and snap her neck, I left her alone and headed to my room. If I stayed there any longer, she was going to breathe her last.

Slamming the door to my room shut, I shrugged off my jacket and threw it on the bed. I unbuttoned the first few buttons of my dress shirt and brought my hand to the back of my neck, massaging it. My eyelids dropped down in utter tiredness and I sat down on the bed's edge.

It was already a stressful week as it is; Frank was trying to pull some shit on me and I had to go and deal with his mess. Returning back to a sick Lilly only added to my full plate and I felt so close to losing it again. A harsh breath pushed off my lungs and I leaned to the side, opening the first drawer and pulling out the baby monitor. The one I had installed on her crib, without Cara's knowledge of course.

I turned it on and watched her for a full minute, caressing her baby face from behind the screen, she was still fast asleep and tucked safely into her little crib. I placed the monitor on the counter's surface and kept it on in case she woke up or got sick again during the night.

I took my pills from my jacket's pocket and swallowed two down, hoping they'd decrease the ache pressing into my skull. I leaned against the headboard, the back of my head pressing into it and I closed my eyes, wishing for a minute or two of peace. My phone buzzed and I groaned internally. I pulled it up to see the many messages and notifications waiting for me to take action.

Knowing that I wouldn't be able to get sleep anyway, I straightened myself and decided to finish up some work. Two or three hours later, the baby monitor beeped, signaling that there were movements occurring on the other side. My gaze flickered to the screen instantly, watching as Lilly tossed around in her crib, pulling her little legs up and pushing the blanket off her body. Her eyes were open but she wasn't crying, instead, she pulled one of the stuffed animals surrounding her and started playing with it and pushing it above her head.

I couldn't help the smile that lifted my lips up, slightly relaxing down at her sight. I shut down my laptop and got up to my feet, exiting my room and heading to hers. Pausing by the door, I tried to listen for any noises, making sure Cara was asleep, I was not in the mood for her to pull another episode on me. When I heard nothing, I curled my hand over the knob and carefully opened the door, sneaking a look inside.

The lights were off except for the nightstand lamb that led my way to Lilly's crib. Cara was asleep, so I tried to be as silent as possible. Lilly's eyes flickered at me and she pushed the stuffed animal away, smiling and gurgling at my sight, "Shush," I whispered as I leaned down and carefully took her into my embrace. She settled between my arms like she belonged there. My eyes went to Cara, checking and thankfully, she was asleep still.

I took Lilly out and carefully clicked the door shut behind us. I looked at her in my arms and she brought her full hand into her mouth, sucking on it. I smiled, "You're hungry, aren't you?"

She made some gibberish noise in return as I headed down the stairs and toward the kitchen. The house was mostly empty instead for the maid inside the kitchen. Her gaze fell on me and she straightened herself, "Is there anything I can do for you, sir?"

I shook my head, "You can leave," I said, dismissing her.

She left us alone and I headed toward Lilly's chair. Lilly saw it and started jumping up and down in my arms, realizing that she was getting food very soon. I chuckled at her enthusiasm and settled her inside it. A happy sound rumbled from her and she slammed her hands on the surface ahead of her, demanding food.

I wasn't an expert at baby food or anything but I've watched Cara many times prepare this specific one. She would mix some powder with warm milk and it turns into some type of purée. I didn't understand the sorcery behind it but Lilly loved it and every time I snuck her out of the room at night, she'd be hungry and I'd prepare this specific meal for her.

When it was ready, I reached for one of her baby bibs and gently fastened it around her tiny neck. Placing the bowl on the kitchen table, I settled into one of the chairs, bringing Lilly closer so I could begin feeding her. Carefully, I guided the spoonful of food to her waiting mouth, and she eagerly accepted it, her little noises of delight filling the room. Her tiny hands danced and slammed on the table again and again, expressing her joy, and I couldn't help but share in her happiness, my heart swelling at her content expression.

Offering her another spoonful, I wiped her mouth tenderly when she managed to get a bit messy. My fingers brushed against her soft cheek, and I whispered affectionately, "I missed you so much, you know that." Lilly responded with a heartwarming smile, her tiny teeth peeking through.

An unfamiliar feeling tugged on my chest, and I couldn't comprehend the origin of it. I shook it off right away. I couldn't help but wonder what I was going to do without her. When she'll have to go back to him, what will I do? My affection for her was not planned, but it's beyond my control anymore.

"Come on, open your mouth," I urged and she did as told, opening her little mouth and delightfully accepting the food.

I felt another presence in the room and my head turned to the left, my eyes falling on the kitchen's entrance, where Roman silently stood and watched us. I shot him a glare and turned my attention back to Lilly. Being the annoying little shit he is, he stepped inside and to our side, coming closer and dropping a kiss over Lilly's head, smiling at her and she adorably returned the smile.

"Does Cara know that you always steal Lilly from her at night?" He questioned, his eyebrow raising and hinting that this wasn't the first he caught us.

"None of your business," I grated out, using the napkin to wipe Lilly's mouth before I picked her up from her baby seat, ready to get out of there. I can't have a few moments of peace with the girl without getting interrupted, can I?

I was about to turn around when Roman interrupted, questioning where I was taking her, "Where are you going?"

One day, I am going to kill him, just not today.

I looked down at Lilly in my arms, "Do you want to go with him or with me?" I asked, knowing the answer already. Her gaze flickered to her uncle before she looked at me and curled herself into my chest, sinking further into my embrace. That's my girl. I gave Roman a knowing look and shrugged, leaving him to cry at her rejection as I headed back to my room.

I sat down on the bed and settled Lilly over my lap, "Your uncle is so annoying, isn't he?" I said, sure that she agreed with me. "And by uncle, I definitely don't mean myself," I added over a low whisper.

It was crazy. The way she and I shared blood, the same blood of the man I hate. Instead, I was falling deeper in love with this little girl every day. Almost like she was my very own. She wasn't, I knew that. She was still his daughter, his blood, his DNA, and I could see a lot of him in her but...but I still loved her nevertheless. I was ready to burn the whole world if anyone dared to hurt her in any way. Why?

It's not like me to be soft or nice or anything of that sort. So, why?

Lilly kept blurting out gibberish words, always trying to imitate the sounds she heard. I couldn't help but smile, I couldn't take a grasp over my fastened heart because the sound she made resembled a word I'd die to hear from her.

I rested my hands over her little legs, "Can you say daddy?" I asked.

Her head tilted to the side, and she stared at me for a long second before she let out a low laugh of her own, adding more gibberish, which resulted in her spitting out as much saliva as she could, most of it splashing my face of course.

If it was anyone else, I would've gotten annoyed and probably thrown them away immediately but anything from this girl was just so precious.

I mirrored her smile before I pulled her closer, allowing her head to rest at the crook of my neck. I dropped a kiss over her hair, my eyes dropping down at her sweet flowery scent.

A low humming sound came from her and I knew what she wanted, "You are getting sleepy again, aren't you?" I whispered as I soothingly ran my hand over her back.

She did the humming sound again and I smiled, "Do you want me to sing you our secret song?"

She sank deeper into me, resting her head between my shoulder and neck. I brought both of my arms around her tiny body, wrapping her safely as I started to soothingly whisper the words to her, feeling my own energy get depleted as well.

"Hush, little baby, don't you cry,
Daddy's gonna hold you through the night,
If those tears fall down like rain,
I'll be your shelter from the pain.
With open arms, I'll hold you tight,
Through every day and every night."

Lilly was humming along, her eyelids dropping down and relaxing further as I carried on,

"If those dreams in your head start to sway,
I'll chase the monsters far away.
With whispered words and a soothing song,
In my embrace, you'll always belong."

My eyes flickered all over her face, watching her deep in her sleep and I couldn't help but smile, then I added one last verse;

"Hush little baby, don't you cry,
Everything is gonna be alright,
Daddy's got a 12 gauge held up high,
And if anyone dares to break your heart,
I will send him where the moon meets the stars."

I dropped a kiss over her head, giving her a promise, "If anyone dares to hurt you, I will bury them ten feet underground," I whispered against her skin before I relaxed as well, my eyelids dropping down and it didn't take me long to fall asleep with her tucked between my arms.

*****************

Los Angeles, USA.

Alex's POV

"What?" I asked with a raised eyebrow, questioning Ashton who kept sneaking a look at me every now and then.

"I need a favor," He said and I rolled my eyes, "Of course you do."

I closed my laptop and leaned backward in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest and sighing, "Go ahead, what is it?" It's always poor Alex, isn't it?

"Well, the thing is, I wanted to take Katherine out tomorrow and-"

"And you want me to babysit Chase for you," I finished the words on his behalf.

He gave me a small nod, hesitant still and I shot him a glare, "Of course I will, are you crazy," I said, "I love that boy more than you," I added, "Also, I should spend more alone time with him, so I can lower your influence on him," I said with a disgusted look as my gaze drifted over him, "Can't have another Ashton in my life."

His eyebrow raised at my words, very much used to me insulting him on a daily basis.

"Anyway, thank you," He said, genuinely appreciative and I scrunched my eyebrows at him, not used to him being polite. He is been acting like this toward me for the past few days, all nice and shit. Is he okay? Is he dying?

I decided to set aside that thought for the moment and opened my laptop once more, diving into our notes. We just had a day-long meeting with the board members, we discussed our action plan for the upcoming year, and the sheer volume of work ahead was daunting. I ran a weary hand across my face, muttering, "My head feels like it's gonna explode."

"Just close up and go home, I can finish the rest," Ashton said and my eyes grew wider. Oh, he is not okay at all. I looked up at him and leaned closer, my hand pressing over his forehead. His eyebrows pulled closer and he pulled back from my touch, "What?" He shot out.

"I am checking if you have a fever," I said, gaping at him still, "Are you okay?" I asked, checking again, "Since when do you tell me not to do work?" He had lost it, my poor bimbo.

He shot me a glare, and I redirected my gaze to my laptop's screen. My eyes inadvertently landed on the date and time displayed in the upper right corner, and a wave of coldness swept over me. The fragile thread holding my shattered pieces together started to unravel once more. I could sense my inner turmoil resurfacing. Ashton's recent extra care towards me suddenly made sense.

It was almost the one-year mark, just a few days away.

One entire year.

Since I lost her. Since I lost them.

Yet, it felt as if I had aged a decade.

My mood went down, not that it was ever up. Pretending to be okay, smiling, and joking around had become a daily routine of mine. Fake it till you make it, right?

I could feel Ashton's eyes on me, noticing the sudden dent in my energy, so I muttered, "I'd rather work instead," I mumbled monotonously as I resumed my work. It was as good a distraction as any, much better than returning to an empty house, a house that harbored the ghost of her previous existence.

Ashton chose to keep silent for my sake and I tried to bury myself in the numerical data presented ahead of me. "I will go get coffee, do you want?" Ashton asked, already getting up to his feet, and without looking at his side, I nodded my head, although I needed something stronger than coffee. I didn't question why he was the one getting it. It was getting late and past working hours but there were still people around who could fetch him coffee.

I focused on my work instead and a few minutes later, Ashton returned. He closed the door behind him and walked closer to me. We were seated in one of the meeting rooms because some of the tasks included us working together on it, so it was easier this way. I felt Ashton come in behind me and he shocked me when he brought his arm forward, closing down my laptop's screen.

He pushed it away and rested the bourbon bottle in his hand in its place, setting two glasses down as well. I turned my head to look at him, taken aback by his action. His eyebrow raised, "I didn't keep you here so we can work," He said, justifying the real reason he asked me to stay past working hours.

He rested his hand over my shoulder from the back, squeezing tightly and that thin rope binding me together felt so close to breaking off. A lump clogged my throat and it all felt so fucking real again. Ashton sensed my unsteady state so he brought his arm around my shoulders, trying to hold my shattered pieces and protect them, "If you need anything, Alex, just tell me," He said, ever so helplessly, like he was ready to give everything up just so I could get back all that I lost, "You know I would do anything for you."

My eyes closed, and I reached out to touch his arm, gripping it tightly as I battled the emotions welling up behind my closed lids. "I know," I whispered.

He gave my shoulder another firm squeeze before retreating to the seat next to mine. Ashton reached for the bourbon bottle, pouring us two drinks. He handed me my glass, and we clinked them together before I downed the intoxicating liquid. I relished the fiery sensation as it coursed down my throat. "I really needed this," I admitted, raising my glass slightly. It had been a long time since I had a decent drink.

Ashton nodded, "Believe me, same."

I smiled and couldn't help but comment, "Who thought we'd reach here one day, huh," I looked around us, "Owning a successful business," I said, "You, married and with a kid," I pointed out the most absurd part before I took another sip "And me, sexless for the past year."

Ashton's lip lifted up into a smile of his own, "Yeah, who would've thought."

I shook my head, "Not me, I never thought there was a girl out there who'd tolerate you, but she exists," My eyebrow raised, "Now, I can believe in unicorns."

Ashton nodded his head, his expression relaxing, almost like he couldn't believe it himself, "Yeah, Katherine, she is the best thing to ever happen to me."

I nodded my head, agreeing, "My sweetheart is one of a kind, if you weren't worthy, I would've never given her to you."

His smile widened and my tight heart calmed down a bit; the fact that one of us was able to get that, was able to keep it, gave me a sense of peacefulness. Ashton deserved it, he'd been through a lot and to see him navigate through this, through marriage and parenthood, it's almost too surreal.

God, we were kids when we met. He was the silent, cold, and anti-social kid who kept his distance from everyone and couldn't care for anything. While, I was the total opposite, and I kept forcing myself on him, over and over again, till he included me in his little bubble.

I poured us another glass and clicked it with his as I wholeheartedly said, "Thank you, Ashton."

The smile slowly left his face and he looked at me, he shook his head, "There is nothing for you to thank me for, Alex," He said.

There was a hell of a lot for me to thank; He has no idea.

"There is. I don't know what would've I done without you guys," I added. He, Katherine, and even little Chase were all I had left. This, what I went through, what I am still going through, is as terrible as it gets and to think I could've gone through it all alone, god, I would've probably just given up a long time ago.

"We are a family, Alex," He said, his tone serious and genuine, "We would've not done it without you either."

I smiled, "I am liking the straightforward emotional you," I pointed out and the corner of his lip pulled up, "Enjoy it as it lasts," He commented and I chuckled, "Tomorrow you are gonna go back to being a pain in my ass, aren't you?"

He nodded his head with a smile of his own, "Exactly."

****************

Katherine's POV

I handed Chase his tiny cup and he smiled, excitedly as he took it from me, "Thanks you," He mumbled, the words coming out with his polite baby voice making me internally awe at him. I don't know if only because he was my kid, but everything he did or said was utterly precious.

I chuckled, "It's thank you," I corrected him and he couldn't care less as he held the cup with both hands and brought it to his lips.

I took the seat beside him on the couch and took a sip of my own hot chocolate cup. For him, I prepared warm-frothed milk and sprinkled some chocolate on top yet he reveled in it like it was the sweetest thing he had ever drank.

"Is it delicious?" I asked and he nodded his head multiple times, smiling ever so warmly at me.

I chuckled and brought my arm around his little shoulders, pulling him closer to me. I leaned down and left a kiss on the top of his head, "You know, you are my favorite hot chocolate date ever."

He couldn't care less for me as he resumed sipping on his heavenly drink while watching his cartoons on the TV screen across from us. I glanced at my phone, noting the time. It had been roughly two hours since Ashton had messaged me that he was out with Alex for a drink. I had no idea when they would be back home. Chase was also so energized tonight, so instead of forcing him to go to sleep, I decided to have a hot chocolate plus cartoons date with him.

Less than half an hour later, the doorbell rang, "It's probably daddy, I will go open it, okay," I told Chase and he nodded his head excitedly, delighted at the arrival of his dad.

I went to the door and when I opened it, I was welcomed by both Ashton and Alex. Alex's arm was thrown casually around Ashton's shoulder and considering that my husband wasn't complaining about it, I deduced that they were both wasted for sure.

I crossed my arms over my chest, "You're both drunk, aren't you?"

Alex smiled and leaned forward, pressing his finger over my nose and making a beep sound, "Yup, we are, sweetheart."

Ashton not so subtly shoved him away from me and stepped into the house. He fisted his hand over my shirt and ever so casually pulled me to him. I yelped at his sudden action but he gave me no chance to speak as he pressed his lips into mine. When he edged backward, his smile was all lazy and beautiful, "I love you," He mumbled and I chuckled as I brushed his hair, "I love you too but you are so drunk, my baby."

"Wait, is it my turn now?" Alex asked, standing aside and watching us, "Do I get a kiss too?"

My eyebrows raised, "Hold on, is that question directed at me or at Ashton?"

Alex's gaze drifted to Ashton and he looked at him from up to down, then he shook his head, "Nah, we did it once, I didn't like it, no need to do it again," He commented ever so casually.

Ashton shot him a hard glare, "Touch me and I would kill you, I would literally kill you."

"Oh, really, come on, let's see what you got-"

"Okay, you two kids, come inside," I interrupted before this escalated and urged them both inside.

Ashton's arm stayed over my shoulder as we headed for the living room and I didn't know if it was because he was so touchy when drunk or because he needed support as he walked.

When we reached the living room, Chase jumped off the couch so fast and rushed toward Alex, "Awis!"

Ashton looked taken aback, offended, "Hey, I am here too."

Alex smiled ever so giddily, "Shut up, he loves me," Alex was about to lean down to take Chase but he straightened himself up so fast and rushed a hand over his face, "Nope, I am so dizzy, let's sit down first," He dropped down on the nearest couch and asked for Chase to get closer.

Chase jumped into his lap and settled there. Alex wrapped both of his arms around him, hugging him so tight. I led Ashton to the couch and we both sat down across from them as Alex hugged and kissed Chase so many times, "How come you are the cutest shit in this whole big world," He mumbled as he brushed Chase's hair and dropped another kiss on his head, "And to think Ashton's genes made you, how is that even possible."

I turned to Ashton beside me, whose attention was only on me. His arm was still around my shoulder and he used his position to subtly sneak his head inside my shirt. My eyes widened and I slapped it away, "What are you doing?" I hissed at him lowly.

"What," He pouted, "But I love you."

I chuckled, "I love you too but you can't exactly touch my breast with Alex and Chase sitting there," I whispered to him and his frown deepened, "Then let's go to our room," He urged.

I rested my hand over his cheek and chuckled lowly, "It's been long since I've seen you drunk," I said, brushing my fingers at the corner of his mouth, "You are so adorable."

He edged closer and kissed my cheek, "And you are so beautiful," He commented, throwing compliments left and right now that he was drunk. He rested his head over my shoulder, "I am nothing without you," He whispered and I rested my hand over his hair, running my fingers soothingly through it as I thought back to the reason why he had taken Alex out for a drink and my heart sank into my stomach again.

My gaze focused on Alex, smiling warmly at Chase as he tried to compose full sentences but they came out broken still. Alex's eyes lifted up to me and he shook his head, "I don't understand a thing he's saying," He said and I laughed lowly at my little boy, "He is so stupid but he is so damn cute, my heart is going to burst," He added and I wanted to throw something at his head for calling my boy stupid.

"Look, since your parents are secretly having sex over there," Alex said, pointing at us, "Should I kidnap you and take you home with me?"

Chase turned his head to us, not fully understanding Alex. I smiled and gave him a wink. He smiled back, his gaze falling on Ashton beside me and he pushed himself off Alex's lap and walked closer to us. He tapped his hand over Ashton's thigh, "Daddy?" He questioned.

Ashton lifted his head from my shoulder and looked at him, "Now you remembered me, huh," He said before he leaned closer and picked him up into his lap. Chase leaned into his father's embrace, getting all comfy and Ashton wrapped him up and kissed him, whispering something to him.

As Ashton focused his attention on Chase, I saw my opportunity and rose to my feet. Making my way over to Alex, I greeted him with a warm smile, "Hey you," I said softly as I settled down beside him.

He smiled and nudged me with his elbow, "Hey you."

"Stay here tonight, okay?" I said, not that I was gonna let him leave while he was in this intoxicated state.

"If you let me sleep beside Chase, I will," He gave me a condition and I nodded my head, "If you sober up, then okay."

"Deal, then go and get me all the coffee you have," He said, agreeing and I smiled, my heart all types of messy as it thought of the type of...anniversary nearing.

I gently squeezed Alex's hand before rising to fetch him a cup of coffee. Within a few minutes, I returned, pausing briefly at the entrance. My heart warmed as I watched Ashton and Chase, both now deep in slumber. Chase's cheek rested against his father's chest, his tiny arms wrapped around Ashton, peacefully asleep. Ashton himself had his cheek against the cushion, eyes closed, and arms securely cradling our precious son.

I turned to Alex, who like me, was watching them too. He smiled, "They're a carbon copy of one another, right," He commented and I nodded my head, pouting, my heart about to burst at their adorable sight.

"Do you want to sleep?" I asked Alex, checking first.

He shook his head, "Not really."

I rested the two coffee cups over the countertop, "Okay, then let me put these two boys to bed, and then we can sit and talk."

Alex nodded and I edged closer to them, my hand resting over Ashton's cheek, gently caressing it, "Ashton," I said in a low voice, not wanting to wake Chase up as well.

"Hmm," He mumbled, prying his eyelids open to look at me.

"Come with me," I urged, "You can both rest better on the bed."

His sleepy gaze drifted to Chase in his arms and he nodded his head. I bent down and took Chase from him, wrapping him between my arms as I took him up the stairs. Ashton waved lex off before he stalked behind me, my eyes kept drifting to him, scared he'd trip and fall.

When I entered our room, I lowered Chase into the bed, fixing the pillow underneath him before I pulled the blanket over his body. I turned to Ashton who was sitting over the bed's edge, trying to take off his shirt and struggling still. I inched closer and unbuttoned his shirt, helping him take it off and he edged his head forward, resting it against my chest. I chuckled as he snuggled into me, bringing his arms around my waist and pulling me closer to him even though I was standing.

I brushed his hair again, "Come on, put your head on the pillow," I urged, helping him get comfortable. When I was about to move away, he grasped my arm and pulled me close, "Where are you going?" He asked, ever so sadly, "We are not gonna have sex?"

I chuckled, "We'll have sex later."

He pouted, "You promise?" he asked, ever so sleepily.

I nodded my head and pecked his lips, "I promise."

He hummed in satisfaction before he turned his body around, pulled Chase closer to his embrace, hugged him, and fell asleep alongside him.

I switched off the lights and descended the stairs, entering the living room where Alex was seated. He was sipping on his coffee, his attention fixed on the TV screen, where cartoons played. When he noticed me, he set his cup aside and gave me a small smile, "I thought Ashton wouldn't let you leave," he remarked, and I chuckled softly, shaking my head. "He's so out of it that he fell back asleep right away."

Taking a seat beside Alex, I observed, "You seem to have sobered up pretty quickly."

He nodded, his eyes focused on the TV's screen as he said, "Yeah."

I inched closer to him, leaning into his arm. He responded by wrapping it around my shoulders and drawing me nearer. I rested my head over his chest and my arm went around his waist, leaning into him as he leaned into me too. Both of us needed one another pretty badly when such a day was nearing.

A few minutes of silence passed us by before he broke it, "How has it been a year, Katherine?" He whispered, unable to comprehend that fact.

I shook my head, and the tears started to gather behind my eyelids, "I don't understand it either."

"I still miss her like her it was just yesterday," He said, and the amount of heartbreak in his voice twisted my own heart, triggering the tears to push forward. I edged backward to look at him, the heartache ripped at his features, the tiredness, the exhaustion evident in every corner and every line over his face and I wished to have some kind of power to take all of his pain away but I know that I can't.

"If she was still alive, our daughter would've been like nine months old now," He muttered, imagining how different his life was going to be, dwelling on the if onlys, "I would've been a father, can you imagine that?" He tried to add a hint of playfulness to his tone and it broke my heart even more.

More tears descended down my cheeks and a somber smile lifted my lips, "You would've been a great father," I believed that he would, that he still could. The way he acts with Chase is alone proof of such, "I bet she would've been so wild like you," I said and a small smile pulled at the corner of his lips, his eyes glassy with the torrent of emotions ripping at his insides.

"You would've pushed all the boys away from her, wouldn't you?" I said and a low pained laugh came from his throat. His eyes drifted down and he nodded his head, "Yeah, definitely," He whispered, "I would've not let anyone come near my girl," And then, I saw the first tear that trickled down his cheek, unable to keep his feelings locked away, not when such a day was approaching, a reminder to everything he lost.

Unable to bear it any longer, I pushed myself forward, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck and drawing him close. He buried his face into my shoulder, his own arms clutching me as if he feared he'd shatter if he let go. I sniffled and ran my hand through the back of his hair, squeezing my eyes shut to halt the tears, but they only flowed more profusely behind my closed eyelids.

I felt the wetness of his own tears on my shoulder and neck, and my lungs seemed incapable of functioning properly anymore. I trembled, not only from the pain of my own loss but also from the profound ache of everything he had lost. "Please, Katherine," he whispered, his voice filled with desperation, "Tell me it'll stop hurting this much."

I pulled back, sniffling and my vision blurry as I looked at him, at a loss of what to say. Will it hurt less? It will, with time, but I don't think such pain will ever go away. I rested my hand over his cheek, wiping away his own tears, "With time, it will hurt less," I said, "You need more time, Alex, time is the only thing that could help."

"And till that day comes, we will always be here, I am always here," I assured him, "Anyday, any time you need me, I will always be here for you, Alex, I promise," My hand moved down his arm and held into his hand, squeezing tightly at it, "But you need to promise me too, promise me that if you ever felt like picking up the razor again, just pick up the phone first and call me, please Alex, promise me that."

He nodded his head at the ached desperation of my tone and he gave me his word, "I promise."

I gave him a tight hug before we settled onto the couch, still leaning into one other, and for the next hour or two, we just talked. We reminisced about the old days. I shared stories from my college days with Cara, and he recounted the early days of their relationship. Strangely, it felt therapeutic, almost like a balm for our wounds, to bring her up, to talk about her, and to celebrate the good times. It was far more comforting than avoiding the topic, running from it, or burying it deep inside.

Exhaustion wore Alex down after a while and when silence stretched too long, my gaze drifted down to watch him drifting away into a deep slumber. His head pressed into my arm and I couldn't have it in me to pull away. Instead, I carefully picked the blanket from the other side of the couch and placed it over him. I rested my head on top of his and it didn't take me long to fall asleep too.

I woke up to the feeling of someone dropping a few kisses over my head, the kisses were sloppy and I knew that they came from the one person I loved more than life itself. I opened one eye, peeking at Chase as he sat down beside me and bombarded me with kisses, trying to gently get me to wake up. He learned that from his father for sure.

He squealed happily when he noticed that I was awake. I chuckled at his enthusiasm as I pulled him to me, groaning lowly at the ache in my neck and back due to my uncomfortable sleeping position. I hugged him and kissed his handsome face, "Who gave you a shower?" I asked as I ran my hand through his wet hair.

"Daddy," he said with a smile, and my attention shifted to Ashton, who was entering the living room, his eyes locked onto me, a charming smile gracing his delicious lips. I eased my tired form away from Alex, who remained in deep slumber and stood up. Ashton wrapped his arm around my waist, drawing me close, and leaned in, planting a sweet kiss on my neck. I closed my eyes, letting out a contented sigh, savoring his masculine scent, a blend of shampoo and aftershave.

"You know usually, I wouldn't be too happy that you left me alone in bed and slept with another man," He pointed out with a raised eyebrow and I chuckled.

"It's just Alex," I said and he nodded with a smile, "He is like my brother just like he's yours."

He nodded his head and pecked my cheek, "I know."

With my spot beside Alex now vacant, Chase seized the opportunity and inched closer to him. He planted a few sloppy kisses on Alex's cheek and gently tapped his hand on Alex's face, trying to rouse him from sleep. Ashton and I exchanged amused glances, marveling at our son's antics.

Lines of confusion creased Alex's forehead as he reluctantly cracked one eye open, meeting Chase's eager gaze. Chase beamed, "Awis," he chirped, tapping his hand on Alex's cheek once more. Alex couldn't help but chuckle softly at the endearing nickname and the cascade of kisses landing on his face.

Alex's arm wrapped around Chase's little body, pulling him in close. Chase erupted in joyous laughter as Alex drew the blanket over both of them. Playfully, Chase attempted to escape Alex's hold, but Alex wouldn't release him, instead tickling his sides. Chase squirmed and giggled uncontrollably, only to be met with more affectionate kisses from Alex.

I nestled into Ashton's chest, the weight in my heart slowly lifting, and a sense of lightness washing over me.

Things will be okay, they have to.

After all this pain, there should be some light at the end of this tunnel, right?

***********************************

Hey! 👋🏻

I wrote this chapter a while ago (exactly 8 months ago 🫣) but never published it for some reason. It needs some editing but I didn't really have the time this weekend to go through it again, so I just added a few parts and published it. Hope it's good.

If you like these bonus chapters, then give me ideas about some topics I can write about, and I would publish more of these before I finish the other books and leave wattpad for good.

See ya later ✌🏻