So the Christmas season came and went, (I mean obviously, that is how time works unfortunately), I went back to school after the holidays, and a week after that, well Dad's anniversary came up, (as that's how time works unfortunately).

I woke up, (as you do), and I started crying my eyes out, because I missed him and I knew that no matter how much I wanted him to come back that he couldn't ever come back, (I always cry on his anniversary to this day).

"Lacey"
"Yeah Grandma"
"What happened?"
"It's a year today"
"Oh Sweetie, I'll call school, you can't go in like that"

So I stayed at home, since I wouldn't have learned anything if I went in, (plus emotionally I was not up to going to school that day).

I stayed in bed and cried myself back to sleep, as that was all I could do that day, (wether or not it was healthy for me to do so is an entirely different discussion that I'm not gonna have with you here).

Dream and I were getting ready for a movie night, (this was before we went to see Dream's cousin in drag), Dad was getting ready for a work party, (which he didn't even want to go to), (so yes, he spent his last hours on earth doing something that he didn't want to do).

"Lacey Lou, don't do anything stupid while I'm gone, alright"
"But Dream's here with me"
"(Chuckles), That just means that you two can get up to your shenanigans together Darling"
"We're just going to watch a movie, nothing that can get us into trouble or anything"

Both Dad and I knew that wasn't necessarily true, as both Dream and I were horror film fanatics, (which Dream technically wasn't allowed to watch at the time, but I wasn't a snitch).

"A horror movie is it then Baby?"
"Yes Dad, as that's the tradition when you're not here"
"(Snorts), Of course it is, just don't come crying to me when you have nightmares from it"
"You know that I will come crying to you Dad, and I know that you won't actually say anything about it as you never do"

Dad then came over to the couch and gave me a massive hug, (it was like he knew that he was going to die that night), (now he didn't, because he's not a fucking psychic or anything, but it did seem like he did know), I melted into his hug, (you would too Babes).

"(Sighs), Yeah well Darling, it's because you're my baby, and I just want to chase away all the bad dreams, even if you give them to yourself here Baby, you know"
"Yeah well horror movies are fun to watch-"
"They're just shitty to deal with afterwards, I know that Sweetheart, I know, right, there's money on the table for food if you want it"

Dad knew that I didn't really like being on my own in the apartment, so he always let Dream stay around when he was out, (not that Dream wasn't allowed over normally, but it just so happened that Dream only came around when Dad wasn't there).

"Thank you Dad, I love you"
"I love you too Darling"
"Have fun!"
"Fun is not what I'd call it Lacey Lou, it's a bunch of old men talking about work politics, or an investor will try and get me to cut my workers pay and I will have to try and not punch the fucker"
"Then don't go if you don't want to go Dad"
"I have to go though Sweetheart as I'm the boss"

Yeah, adult responsibilities fucking suck, (as a now adult here), 16 year old me understood that but she definitely didn't want to understand that, (but did any 16 year old want to under that little fact?).

"What's the point in being the freaking boss if you can't even say no to these sort of things?"
"It's a bit more complicated than that"
"(Sighs), Do you have to go?"
"Yeah Baby, I have to go, anyway you and Dream have plans made"
"You could watch the horror movies with us"
"While that's a kind offer Darling, I would get nightmares if I watched them with you, which would render me useless for comforting you after having nightmares"
"We could comfort each other"
"I got to go to the work party, ok?"
"Ok, I love you Dad"
"I love you too Sweetheart"
"Stay safe Dad"
"(Kisses top of head), I will do Baby"

The fucking irony of the last thing that I ever said to Dad being 'Stay safe Dad', it's like I somehow jinxed it or something, (even though I was just wishing him a safe journey there and back, ya know Babes).