Dream had to go home later that day, because he was only here as a one night only special, rather than a weekend special, (one night only, one night only, come on big baby, come on), (yeah I need to chill honestly), (as not everyone will get musical theatre references Lacey).

Though looking through those old photos made me remember how much better my life was with Dad before Dad's accident killed him, which meant that I wanted to cry my eyes out, (well more than I had been wanting to, like honestly I felt like I wanted to cry all the time, but I didn't because I knew nobody in New Mexico that I could cry with other than my grandparents, but I didn't want to put all of that on them, ya know).

I was just laying there, not doing much, as the photos really knocked the emotional wind out of me, when the bedroom door slowly creaked open, Grandma sat beside where I was laying, a look of worry etched on her face.

"Lacey, Sweetheart, I did call you for dinner but you didn't seem to respond so I came up to see if you're ok, are you hungry?"
"No Grandma, I'm not hungry, I miss him"
"I can call him-"
"No no Grandma, not Dream, though I miss him too, but no, uh, I really miss Dad"
"I miss him too Sweetheart, he wouldn't want you to neglect your needs though-"
"He also didn't want me to automatically go to live with Mom if he died but I did, forcefully on her behalf I have to say, though that went to pot"

Yeah Grandma looked like she wanted to cry, which made me feel really bad about being the one to make her feel like that, (even though she'd tell you that I didn't do that, but we all knew that I was the one that made her that way in the first place).

"Do you want to try and eat something Sweetheart?"
"Sure, what's for dinner?"
"Lasagna"
"Ok, I'm coming"

So I went down stairs to sit at the dining table, not because I was particularly hungry, but to make my Grandma worry about me less, you know, (plus lasagna is one of my favourite dinner's to have that's not a takeout, ya know).

So anyway I sat at the table, as you do when you have a meal, and I started to pick at the lasagna, (as I wasn't hungry but I didn't want to worry my grandparents too much, ya know).

"Hey Sweetheart, how are you feeling now?"
"I'm feeling like shit to be honest with you Grandad"
"I'm sorry about that Lacey-"
"Nah, that ain't your fault Grandad, I'm just feeling everything that has happened in the last year"

So after that I just ate the lasagna, as I didn't know what else to say at this point in time, plus I was worried that I was sending my Grandma into a state of pure worry, (which she did not need).

After dinner, well I just went straight to bed, as the day I had just drained me of my energy, (not that I had a lot of energy to begin with, but you know what I mean here Babes).

I had just finished dying my hair pink for the first time, (as I was annoyed that people didn't even try to see the physical differences between Savannah and I, as almost everyone called me Savannah), I then came out of the bathroom.

"Hey Baby- what happened to your hair?"
"I dyed it"
"Ok, is there a reason for that?"
"Yeah, I'm tired of everyone including the teachers calling me Savannah"

So as you could see, I was having yet another identity crisis at the tender age of 14, which was worrying my poor Dad a lot, but there wasn't a lot that he could actually do for me other than be a supportive Dad, (which he was obviously my dudes).

"Do you want to talk about it Sweetheart?"
"No thanks Dad, you've probably got other things to worry about here"
"No, you and your sister are my top priority here Baby, how many times will it take for it to sink in Wildcat?"
"Too many"

Dad pulled me into a hug, as I guess that's his way of saying that I wasn't alone, even if he didn't fully get what I was going through.

"I don't know who I am or what I even want"
"Nobody knows what they want at your age Baby, and that's ok"
"What about you?"
"(Snorts), definitely not Sweetheart, I didn't even know what I wanted at Savannah's age"
"So Mom being pregnant with Savannah kind of made the decision for you?"
"No, it just made things clearer for me"