Liam begged me not to leave him to go to my first Rush activity, but I knew it was something I had to do.

"Liam, I have to go. It's the first meeting and it would basically seal my fate with the Kappas if I was a no show," I say as I tug my shirt back on. I keep the sheet around my waist as I find my shorts and Liam stays laying on his side while I look.

"When will I see you next then?" He asks me as I button my shorts and then grab my car keys from the counter.

"I guess I'll leave that up to you," I answer while I pull the front door open and I don't look back as I close it shut. I know if I looked at him, I would be tempted to kiss him goodbye and if I kissed him goodbye I would start thinking about what that really means and I just can't deal with those thoughts right now.

I quickly make it back to my dorm and grab a dress to change into after I shower. I stood in the steaming hot water too long so I wasn't as put together as I had hoped to be when I meet Mischa outside her dorm building. The long purple maxi dress she's wearing complements her darker complexion and her long black hair is swept up into a pretty twist.

"You look pretty," I say as she does a small twirl in front of me and as always, she loops her arm through mine.

"Thanks, and I see you chose more comfortable shoes this time," she jokes as she points to my Chloe ballet flats.

"I remembered how far and miserable of a walk it was," I giggle and we walk back down the hill to Greek Row.

I beg myself not to think of Liam while mingling at my first meeting but every other thought contained his face. While the other pledges went around the room introducing themselves, I just kept thinking about how I wanted to tell Liam about them. I wanted to tell him about which girls I liked, which girls I didn't. Which girls took themselves far too seriously and couldn't stop bragging about their numerous accomplishments- met with many eye rolls behind their backs. I wanted to tell him that we were finally shown who the legacy pledges were and Mischa and I were fully convinced Sawyer, Valerie and Amber would get unanimously voted into the Kappa house, which left only two open spots in the house.

I couldn't bring myself to think about who I would tell my daily adventures to if he left. Who would I tell about the girl that showed the other girls her "talent" of clogging after she introduced herself? As soon as she started swiping her feet around the beautifully white tiled floor, leaving thick black scuff marks I immediately couldn't wait to laugh about it with Liam later. I wanted to tell him that the house mother almost had an aneurysm watching the clogging girl scuff up her ornate flooring but was too flabbergasted to tell her to stop and sit down.

Most girls were curious about who had boyfriends and who planned on sleeping with their frat brothers. I never hesitated to show off the pictures of Liam I had on my phone when I told girls I was taken. Even the cutest frat brother didn't compare to what I have. A frog caught in my throat when I wondered how much longer I could use the word "have" and not have to change it to "had."

I tried to be cheery and social but deep down I was hurting. I couldn't focus on girls telling me about their old high school days when my favorite part of high school was Liam transferring to our school. The night ended with Heather and Ashley telling us to meet at the same time tomorrow night for Sorority games...whatever those were. I said goodbye to all my potential sorority sisters and Mischa and I compared our notes on the evening as we made the walk back- both of us agreeing that there were many pledges we did not see us meshing with.

"The legacies are shoo ins. They are the definitions of a Kappa, so we are only down to two spots," says Mischa Which both better be ours. I would feel bad if only Ellie or I got in. I don't want to join without her. I smile at her thoughts knowing I feel the same way.

"Well we kind of already knew that. But there were a few girls that we know won't get in just based off their awkward introductions," I reply back and we both nod as we instantly think of the clogging girl.

"That Charlie girl was telling me that she's having her mom pull money out of her retirement fund to pay the dues if she's accepted," Mischa gossips and my eyes widen.

"I guess I forget that not everyone can handle the fees so easily," I mutter as we approach our dorms. "I wonder if that's a factor the leaders consider when choosing their picks?"

At least we don't have to worry about that. I'm pretty sure people assume we have money. Ellie drives a damn Mercedes. I look to Mischa and wonder why she didn't say that out loud. We both know we are well off.

When we get to the area that separates her building from mine, we give each other quick hugs and I wave to her as she disappears through her main door. After I open my door, I spot Zoe on her yoga mat in downward dog with her butt towards the door. She's watching a yoga video on her computer and I shimmy around her while she completes her sun salutations.

"Hi, Ellie. I'm almost done. Sorry if I'm in the way," she apologizes while going into tree pose.

"You're fine. I'm exhausted so I'm going to try and go to sleep early," I reply while grabbing my pajamas. She lowers the volume of her meditation music but I add, "You can actually leave that on, it might help me go to sleep." She looks to me confused like I just spoke to her in Chinese.

"Oh Ellie, this isn't music to help calm your senses before slumber. But I will gladly put on my playlist for soothing your mind for proper REM sleep." Then, while in warrior pose, she bends down and clicks keys on her laptop to switch the Zen tunes to soft playing relaxation sounds. I quickly text Liam goodnight before crawling under the covers and letting my mind slowly drift off to sleep- to the sounds of waterfalls and soft playing flutes.

********************

I have never been happier to receive a text message at five in the morning. An alert went out to all the students in Professor Jameson's college Algebra class stating it was cancelled due to Jameson catching the flu. I quickly changed my alarm from 7:15 to 9:15 and was thrilled to have an extra two hours of sleep.

I was surprised at how refreshed I felt after I woke up to my new alarm going off, considering the frightening dreams I'd had. I shook myself awake after dreaming that Liam broke up with me outside of my dorm rooms in the dark common area under the flickering sidewalk lamps. It felt so real that I almost had to question myself when my eyes met the sunshine pouring in from our window this morning. A quick glance to my phone reassured me that it was just a dream as I had a message from Liam saying he was hanging out with Colin today, but to call him after my sorority games tonight.

I quickly got ready for my Literature class and I wondered all through our monotone lecture on Chekhov what sorority games were awaiting me tonight. Topher had said that the Kappa girls can be ruthless during Rush week, so I'm wondering if we are going to be doing anything I don't approve of. As Professor Thompson writes out what pages of the Cherry Orchard to have read by Thursday, I see a text from Heather moving our meeting time from 7pm to 2am. She also instructs us to come in dark clothing and I now know we will be up to no good.

I nervously text Mischa asking what she thinks the change in time means and she quickly responds by saying we'll obviously be up doing something mischievous all night. I'm bummed, knowing I won't get a chance to see Liam now that I have to spend my evening taking a nap before being up all hours of the night.

And after spending the majority of the afternoon and evening napping, I pulled a better look together than yesterday and once again meet Mischa outside our dorm doors at 1:30 in the morning. We are both wearing black yoga pants and black cotton zip-up hoodies but our hair is still curled and our make-up is nicely done.

"What the hell do you think we'll be doing tonight?" Mischa whispers to me as we quietly cross campus.

"I don't know but plan on being miserable in bio tomorrow. I've never been good at pulling all nighters," I whisper back and we talk in hushed tones until we get to the Kappa House. We see other black hooded figures filing into the house but all the lights are still off. The only lights are the scattered street lights down Greek Row and the few from lingering students awake in their rooms, which casts an eerie feeling across the houses.

When Mischa and I finally enter the Kappa house, our jaws drop at what awaits us inside.

Stacks upon stacks of toilet paper rolls fill the swanky living room and both Heather and Ashley stand at the center of the piles. It looks like someone cleaned out Costco and the more closely I look, I realize the rolls are actually separated into eight large piles of 100 rolls each.

When the last girl files inside Chloe, a junior Kappa, closes the front door and our attention goes to the leaders at the center.

"Listen up bitches, I'm about to tell you what your first sorority game will be and from the squeamish looks on your faces, I can already tell some of you aren't cut out to be a Kappa."