Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have around the Home.
-Dave Barry

"I heard a rumor that the Asshole of Dickerdam is gay." Avery says this in a whisper, but the idiot doesn't realize I'm in earshot.

Hearing this, it smacks me in the face that this isn't supposed to be normal, that getting a nickname like Hospital Boy or the Asshole of Dickerdam isn't part of life.

It seems normal to me.

"I'm bi." I tell them, loudly, arms crossed.

"Wait, you like guys?" Macy asks, sounding like she wants to gag. "That's disgusting."

"You are a straight girl," I snap, not able to stop myself from glaring at her. "You like guys too you fucking homophobic idiot."

"I'm not a idiot."

"Oh?" My snark doesn't go unnoticed. "Just homophobic then."

"Thatch-" Violet begins, but I cut her off.

"Don't bother. I'm going home."

Fuck it, who should give a single shit?

Wear a Victorian dress, you don't need an excuse. Dress like a witch, pointed hat and all, poke people who annoy you with the sharp end of your wand. Who should even care anymore. Why worry when there's bigger shit to worry about.

I'm saying literally just don't care anymore.

Tell the girl her hair is nice. Tell him he dressed good that day. Tell them their hair is awesome.

If someone is out of your league, swing anyway.

It worked out for me.

You want to kiss boys? Great, kiss boys. You want to kiss girls? Cool, kiss girls. If you don't want to kiss anyone, go on an adventure and get that thrill! What about it? Nobody should care.

Eat the extra food. Tell anyone when you're upset, let people know what matters to you. Shave your head or start wearing makeup or make your own socks and decorate your jacket.

I'm saying if nothing matters than we might as well give nothing a fucking meaning. 

Am I right?

Before I know it, I've let my anger go and spent the entire night just researching and researching until the next morning, I'm my normal self sitting at a table at Sip 'n Dip.

"Okay, I've been doing research about it and now I'm so glad that I have. It started with frogs!" I exclaim as Theodore slides in the seat across from me at the café -who's cyan eyes widen at me.

After that night together two weeks ago, waking up together has become a semi-normal thing.

So I can still see love bite and red marks staring up at me from his loosened button-up.

"Frogs?"

"Yeah! In frog papers, like research papers about frogs, there's at least one instance where it will say 'specimen was released in the field immediately after capture' but I've read enough of these and know enough people who study these things to know what it really means."

I know this isn't nearly as funny as my nerdy ass thinks it is.

"It pretty much means that whoever caught the frog also dropped it and their research team probably fell over each other to get it. But it also means that smart little frog wasn't recaptured and they all felt like idiots."

Mikayla gapes at me, making my cheeks threaten to flush. "Oh my god, you're a nerd."

"...yeah." After my pause I turn back to Teddy, grinning. "I'm also picking up on the lingo. When someone steps on the frog, I feel bad for both the human and the frog, they say that an impromptu dissection was performed under less-than-optimal lighting conditions."

"Impromptu dissection?" Chip, who joins the conversation by pushing Mikayla half off her chair and sitting in the empty space. "Impromptu dissection is a little bit of an alarming term but, sure, continue."

"Eh, there's a lot worse things, if you ever take up Nasa lingo for experiments. Those are even funnier though, anyway-" I barely notice that I push up my glasses further on my nose, but for some reason it makes Luke, who I didn't notice was here, snort. "-the specimen being removed from the study pool, that's all the other frogs, due to abnormal interaction responses means that the frog bit them and chances are on instinct the person threw them back into the field. Half the time, I don't blame the frog. But rarely are they hurt or even experimented on or even taken back home so I guess they're just a little camera shy."

"Like you," Chip nudges Teddy, but Teddy ignores that and just stares at me.

"You're so cute." He whispers.

Gulping, I blink owlishly at him as I try not to flush.

Oh my god he thinks I'm cute, I'm going to combust.

Even after being intimate, simple compliments like this can still make me go red. Fuck.

"Go back to work!" I scold him, holding my cheeks in my hands. "Make money or something."

Mikayla and Chip get into a fight so Theodore has to spend his time breaking that up anyway. It gives me the chance to cool down and lets Luke look over my notes.

I think he might be a bit of a nerd himself.

Which is something my dorky crush is far from.

Watching him move around the tables, placing coffee and eventually take an order from someone all with a wide, beautiful smile on his face I know I made the right decision to try and give this a shot.

"Can I get the muffin as a side dish?" I heard the other man ask Teddy, making the protective and kinda possessive demon in my head raise its ugly head.

Ugly is definitely the right word.

Obliviously, Teddy replies, "What do you want as a main? This is just a café."

How is he not getting the man is flirting, given how much I do it with him?

"You, honestly."

Hell no.

Before Theodore could respond I stand up and stomp over to them, wrapping an arm around his middle and pulling him into my side as I stare down at the other man. "This is just a café, and he's not on the menu."

"Sorry, man," He gulps. "I didn't know he was taken."

"He in." I say, huffing slightly.

"Sorry for this," Makayla cuts in expertly, taking over the order and I see the man perk up again, ready to flirt with her too -unaware of the feral Chip and Luke combo out for blood and humor at any given time.

Dude doesn't last a chance against them.

Not that I'm complaining.

Teddy pulls me all the way outside, hand tight on my own.

"Atticus," He starts, raising up to peck my cheek. "I wasn't going to flirt back with him or anything."

"I know that," Moving my arms around his middle, I pull us closer together. "Doesn't change anything. Not that it's unimaginable that someone else would flirt with you, clearly it's not, but that doesn't stop me from getting possesive. You're mine to flirt with, not for someone to come in and flirt with anyone with a heartbeat."

Grinning at me and blushing for a reason I can't imagine, Teddy hugs me around the middle before placing his chin on my chest, cyan eyes staring up at mine. "I like knowing how much you like me."

It's closer to love at this point.

But that's not something I'm about to tell him.

Leaning down I peck his temple, causing him to giggle up at me. "You still like it?"

"Of course!"

Taking his face in my hands, I kiss all the skin available making him laugh out and squirm as I blow a raspberry against the side of his neck.

"Still?"

"Y-yes." Kissing his cheek, I move out of reach when he tries to kiss me and peck his forehead again. "Atti!"

Smirking, I shrug and kiss the corner of his jaw. "Yeah?"

Teddy huffs at me, starting to pout, but the warm flush against his cheeks gives away how much he actually likes my affection. "You're being mean."

"Oh I'm sorry," I reply mockingly, placing another kiss to the side of his throat where I nip his skin, making him squeak and grip onto my biceps. "I didn't know."

"Bullshit."

"Awh, now who's being mean?"

Cyan eyes narrow at me defiantly. "Still you."

Humming in reply, I kiss his cheek again before giving in and placing a real kiss on his lips, tugging his body all the more closer to mine.

Pulling away, Teddy's nose wrinkles at me, reaching up to even out my glasses. "You really are a nerd." Rolling my eyes I nod, watching his smile grow. "Tell me something smart."

"You occupy a very small space in a very big world and your consciousness is the shield blocking you from fully comprehending that. Also," I slap his ass as a act of revenge for such a stupid demand, making him scoff loudly at me. "You have a cute butt."

Interrupting the moment at exactly the worst time, my phone rings Violet's ring tone.

Sighing, I pull it out of my jacket pocket and stare it for a moment until Teddy gives me a level look.

"Answer it," He says, leaning up to give me a chaste kiss. "I'll see you later tonight?"

"Yeah, yeah. Definitely." I squeeze his hand as a bye and turn back as he goes inside, walking towards my bike. "Hello?"

Violet's voice instantly comes through the speaker, a little louder than necessary. "I have a doctor's appoint in an hour. You need to pick me up."

"Oh, okay. Um, where is it?"

She huffs, as if exasperated by a single question alone. "I'll tell you when you come pick me up."

With that she hangs up.

I sit down on my bike and stare at my phone for a second longer before sighing, putting it away and leaning on my handles.

This is going to be a long day.