The contemporary and masculine loft is vying for my attention against the topless man walking ahead of me. Confused as to where I should be more in awe, the glass walls highlighted the corners of the room without intending to ignore every inch of Dean's tan back muscles.

The area is spacious, which allows the question if he solitarily resides here. Natitiyak kong mga sampung katao ang pwedeng umukopa rito. Though, I'd rather that he lives alone.

Pearl gray walls, white ceilings opposing to the dark ashed floor with somewhat an ocean wave design, a white low sectional sofa, sleek black furnitures, everything is screaming a rockstar royalty living. Not that I am underestimating Dean but for someone who finances their own band's music, this is a rarity. This is more conventional to those who's under the string of mainstream music in a mainstream label.

And from how I knew Dean, I thought he would have opted for something simpler. This whole room borders to manly luxury.

But then, they're the highest paid independent band in the country. So to wonder with this residence of royalty should be crossed out.

Nagtagal ang mga mata ko sa pamilyar na gitarang nakasabit sa magaan na abong haligi. Isang tingin at pumukaw ng samu't saring alaala na kung hindi dahil sa pagtikhim ay tuluyan akong mananariwa.

Nakahalukiphip, nakaharap na sa akin si Dean na parang pupudpurin ako sa tigas ng pagkakatitig. The hard stare demanded that my attention should only be on his. That's easy. Kahit hindi niya sabihin ay sobra pa sa buo ang ibibigay kong atensiyon sa kanya.

I stood up straight like an obedient pupil.

"Nice place..." Tumikhim ako sa sumingit na garalgal sa aking lalamunan. "Nice place," ulit ko nang mas malinaw at malakas.

My heart started to gallop. Balewalain ko man pero hindi iyon hinayaan ng lamig na sumusuot sa aking balat. It's so unbelievably cold! Dean doesn't seem to mind like he's the mighty creator. He's even topless at that.

With his face carved with indifference, one thick and angular eyebrow rose. As if I have no right to talk. After all, this is his lair so it's his rule. Parang nainis din yata na ako ang nagpasimuno ng usapan.

To blame me is foolish. Nothing happens if he's just going to stare at me, which by the way is what he has been doing for the whole sixty seconds. Or more.

"What should I do first, Dean?" I initiated, trying not to get distracted. Kung binabalandara niya naman kasi ang hubad niyang pang-itaas.

The garter of his boxers is hanging low, nalilito yata kung aakyatin ang baywang niya o hahayaan ang sariling malaglag. Which, I'm not sure is a good or an exciting idea.

With all of my sheer might, I tried not to focus on the indention of his V-line.

But goddamn it, Google images is not lying after all.

Hinahaplos ko na ang aking mga braso sa lamig. I hope he gets the idea. Nang lumipad ang paningin sa aking kamay ay tila binuhusan ako ng mainit na tubig upang maggising.

The beat of my honest expectation for him to go to his room and lend me a sweater is in parallel to the drumming of my pulse. Nilakasan ko pa ang pagkiskis sa braso ko upang mas mahalata niyang kailangan ko ng panangga sa lamig. I pretended it's unintentional.

Sandali lang niyang binalikan ang aking mukha bago ako tinalikuran. It felt like he just took my limbs with him. He saw how cold I was and he should have at least tried to fake his concern if he has already ran out of care for me.

He didn't.

Tahimik akong huminga nang malalim. Biguan kong niyakap ang sarili habang sinusundan siya sa kusina.

How sad that one of the things that I've just taken for as my new norm is to compare his actions before to how he is treating me right now. Eighteen year old Dean would have probably stripped everything from him just to put me out of the cold. Not like this...never.

Just like in the living room, if not made of glass, the wall is painted in pearl gray. Inaliw ko na lang ang sarili sa kagandahan nito. Sa kabila ng nanghahapdi kong mga mata, magaan sa paningin ang buong paligid.

There is one side of the wall which is boasting the dramatic view of buildings and towers outside. I can already picture out Dean's bedroom with the same design. I hope it's tinted, though.

"As I've said two days ago, in which I hope you still remember. My fridge should be filled with the said liquiors except sodas or any sweets..."

He opened his stainless steel fridge. Nakisilip din ako at nakitang kaunti lang ang laman.

Mabilis kong ginapang ang kamay sa aking bag para sa cellphone. Natuto na ako noong nakaraang araw na kailangan itong ilista dahil ito na ang bago niyang patakaran. His erstwhile list is damned.

Sinundan ko siya nang maglakad ulit at umikot kami sa grandihiyosong itim na marble island counter. Even the kitchen has too much space. Marunong na kaya siyang magluto?

"Ask Marcus for my schedule this week. That's not my damn job. Para na rin alam mo kung anong oras akong ipaghanda ng pagkain, anong oras aalis..."

He isn't sparing me a glance as he drawl. Kaya hindi ko masyadong naiintindihan dahil hindi siya nakaharap sa akin. He made it seem like he was only murmuring to himself.

It's rude for me to not face the person you are talking to. Ano bang kausap ko, ang sexyng likod niya? I need to see his face, dammit!

"...and of course, my itineraries if I have to be out of the city or if there are out of the country shows which I'm sure is already underway. One responsibility is to have me as punctual as possible."

Hinahabol ng mga daliri ko ang letra sa mahaba niyang litanya ng mga paalala. I want him to slowly repeat from the beginning.

"And...that's all! Got it?"

Mahina akong napadaing nang mabunggo sa inaakala kong haligi. It was just Dean's hard rock body standing still that ended my assumption. He didn't even flinch.

Kita ko pa lang ang salubong niyang kilay ay umatras na ako. That only added to the heat of his skin that in just a second touch, has already scorched me from the inside out.

Dahil nga nakatuon ako sa cellphone ay hindi ko siya namalayang nakahinto na. My heartbeat is burning my chest with its rapid beating.

"Huh?" Nagmukha akong tanga sa tanong.

My confused reaction fell flat. Hindi ba sumasakit ang ulo niya sa kaka-kunot noo? Unbelievable, this man!

"Can you repeat everything? You're too fast, I barely kept up," I conceded.

He crossed his arms allowing him to exude the look of authority. Pinadilat ko nang husto ang aking mga mata dahil pilit hinihila pababa sa dibdib niya. His eyes should be my anchor and not his protruding tattooed chest!

"Slow is not my expertise. I always do fast and I don't repeat. Once is enough." He fluently pressed. His looked bored, or maybe still sleepy.

I realized our distance as I felt his minty breath fanning my face not only when he speaks but everytime he exhales and breathes. Ang pagproseso ko sa sinabi niya ay mabagal. When he looks at me in a serious face like that? I find it hard to digest even the tiniest information.

"Now. Feed Sunita twice a day, morning and afternoon in the event of my unavailability."

Napakurap ako. Wait, what? Wala akong maalalang may binanggit siyang ganyan ang pangalan.

"Sinong Sunita?"

Bago pa ako makabuo ng mga ideya sa may-ari ng pangalan, isang ngiyaw ang nagpalingon sa akin sa hamba ng kitchen. A grey Siberian cat menacingly sauntered its way to Dean, claiming its territory as it brushed its furry body against his bare and large feet.

Umawang ang bibig ko. Inisip ko ang timing ng kanyang pagsulpot pagkatapos kong magtanong. I don't want to feed my amazement to a cat.

"Holy shit. You have a pussy!" A slight whisper, amazed!

"What?!"

Ang pinagtambal na talim at kulog sa kanyang tono ay bigo sa paghatid sa akin ng takot. My awe didn't allow that fear to eat me. Dean has a cat?!

"You have a pussy, and you're being a bitch to me. Nice!" Tumatango-tango ako, hindi naawat ang pagiging sarkastiko.

Sa sinabi ko ay parang hindi naman siya nagalit. Ngunit wala rin naman akong nabakasan ni isang patak ng katuwaan mula sa kanya.

Sinikop niya ang pusa, or si Sunita—only God knows where and how did he pick an unusal name like that—at hinahaplos haplos. The way he caressed the cat is tender and soft, makes me wish that I was the cat, too.

Why do we wish for the impossible knowing the nature of it of not being possible? Kasi kahit banggitin ang libo-libo nating mga 'sana' ay hanggang doon pa rin iyon sa pagiging isang hiling. Not even God could turn me into a cat.

Is wishing for the impossible just a mere expression? Like cursing? We curse when we're mad, or happy, or on days we feel like screaming a fuck you to the world. I tend to voice out my wishes on random moments, too.

"So..." Tumikhim ako. "I have to feed your puss—I mean, cat..."

Sa pag-akyat ng aking mga mata ay tinagpo nito ang tingin ni Dean. Nambabasa ito ngunit mukha ring nanghuhusga. I can never really tell.

His semi wide, sharp and intense hazel green eyes can never really look cold but instead they can only be either in indifference or in ablazing fire.

"Ruth..."

My hairshafts freaked out by the mention of my name. Kita ko ang pagkibot ng labi niya sa isang marahang pagngiwi, tila nakakasakit ang pagbanggit sa pangalan ko. The way his husky voice sounded told me that he hasn't been saying it for years.

Tortured was how I could describe it as he struggled for the right words. Hinayaan niya ang pusa na kumawala sa kanya at hindi nagatubiling pansinin ito nang ngumiyaw habang iniiwan kami.

I flicked my eyes back at Dean . His gorgeous hard features never failed to visit my dreams in daylights. Sa ngayong sumasayaw na sakit, takot at galit sa kanyang mga mata, bumilis ang paghinga ko sa sumisidhing pag-asa.

Is he ready to talk about it now? Can I finally salute to this decision? Is my irrational and weak reason could finally be credited for its worth?

Just when I thought I'd get what I'm here for, he sucked in a deep breath. Nanginig ang mga mata niyang mariin na nakapikit. Thick lashes lining his eyes quivered as he struggled from whatever storm he's trying to defeat. Leaving me with my dancing hopes.

"Why are you doing this?" The words seemed to weigh a ton with his strained voice.

In his now guarded composure, I see that he's leaving the rest of his words unspoken through his jaw clenching. Nilisan na ng antok ang kanyang mga mata na handa na ulit itong maghasik ng rahas.

I got used to it that it hardly stabbed an effect on me. Like a scissor trying to cut a stone. Kapag talagang nasanay ka na ay madali na lang sa 'yong ignorahin ang mga bagay na dati'y naghahatid ng matinding epekto sa'yo. As we become insusceptible to these threats, we find ourselves facing them so easily.

"Why are you mad at me?" matapang kong ganti.

He eyed me in quiet defiance, resisting to say something that might indulge me.

Dahil sinimulan ko na ang tapang ay nadagdagan lang ito sa hindi niya pagsasalita.

"I am beginning to accept your aversion, Dean. Alam natin pareho ang dahilan kung bakit ako nandito. As much as how I want to bring back the past, I know how far-fetched that sounds for it to happen at this moment."

His mouth curved into a grimace as he looked away. Puno ng pait ang pagtanaw niya sa tanawin ng mga building sa labas. Umigting ang panga niya marahil inaawat ang sariling magsalita.

"Just be civil as much as you can and treat me properly. That includes the manner on how you talk to me. Hangga't sa makakaya ay pakisamahan mo ako nang maayos. I'd hand you back the same respect. And don't dare insult me because not even once did I talk ill about you and the band..."

Mabilis siyang lumingon dala ang nanunumbat na tingin. Agap akong kumambyo.

"There might be that one time but the rest of the days..."I took a deep breath. "I've been a fan since you could remember. That's not too much for me to ask and not too much for you to give. I hope you would comply."

Nahuli ko ang kanyang paglunok. Briefly, I couldn't just be imagining it when I saw the surrender in his eyes. The intensity melted for that one second opposing to the tension of his shoulders.

Gumapang pababa ang mga mata ko sa nagbubukas sarado niyang kamao.

I thought he's about to soften up but who am I kidding? Walang malambot kay Dean. His showing of vulnerability is fewer and farther in between than a total solar eclipse.

Muntik na siyang magbaba ng tingin ngunit naagapan. Sa muling pagkurap ay tinapatan niya ang tapang ko.

"Deal." He uttered, slightly in gritted teeth.

Nakahinga pa rin ako nang maluwang sa hindi niya pagkontra. That's an improvement, at the least. If this is to go on day-to-day, then I am postive that I'd get what I'm here for. I'm not only pertaining to my vindication.

"Let me show you the rooms," he proceeded. Tumango ako at hindi pinakita ang kasiyahan. "And...everything. My things..."

May lamang pag-aalinlangan sa kaniyang mukha bago niya ako lagpasan at nagpatiunang lumisan sa kitchen.

"Can you wear a shirt first? Uso ang pulmonya." Halong pang-aasar ko habang sinusundan siya.

"I'm comfortable like this."

Dahil hindi niya ako nililingon ay bigo siyang makita ang pagngisi ko. Ang lamig na nga ng condo niya, dadagdagan pa sa boses niya.

"Komportable o hindi, walang pinipili ang sakit."

"I take vitamins."

I shrugged off his dismissal. Hindi na ako nangulit nang nakalapit na kami sa pinto at kanyang binuksan.

Like the rest of the areas, the design and colors playing in this room are the same from the glasswalls down to the floor. Nakakaakit ang mataba at malaking puting kama na mukhang masarap himlayan. Lukot pa ang puting comforter doon at ang isang unan ay nasa sahig.

Seeng this, I realized that I had neither been in his room nor in his house before. Then my mind jumped to that fateful day. It made me think, were we really serious in our relationship? Siguro sa paningin namin bilang teenagers isang seryosong bagay na iyong nararamdaman namin noon. That being the subject of my pensive thoughts, it occurred to me to doubt about it.

Wala sa sariling napahawak ako sa aking kwintas. This sentimental pendant felt so harsh against my weak and almost numbing fingers.

"If I'm not in the studio...I mostly be found here..."

Maagap akong tumango kunwari'y naiintindihan kahit sa totoo'y hindi ko na alam ang pinagsasabi niya. I even forgot that we climbed the stairs.

Sinara na niya ang pinakilalang kuwarto. Anyways, I'd get to discover more of him for the upcoming days.

"I think you should get ready now, Dean. Mamayang gabi na iyong acoustic show niyo so all of you should be at the venue this afternoon. Let's say at five, since the show starts at seven. And for the rehearsals—"

"I know the drill. Just make me my breakfast," he cut in before he turned back for his room.

"Okay," sabi ko at tinungo na ang pagbaba sa hagdan. The hand rails are so thin I'm afraid I might break it.

"Nilista mo naman siguro iyong sinabi ko, di 'ba?"

Huminto ako at binalingan siya sa naninigurado niyang tanong. Kumunot ang noo ko.

"Marami kang sinabi. Alin doon?"

His broad shoulders rose up then heavily dropped down, as if checking if his patience is still intact. Nakapameywang siya. Ang isang kamay ay umangat para kamutin ang ulo. The way I hear him loudly scratch it made me estimate the roughness scale of his scratching. Lalong gumulo ang buhok niya sa ginawa.

"My preference for breakfast, lunch, dinner and go-to snacks." Sinabi niya ito habang kalahating umikot upang maharap ako.

I reeled my mind back on his litanies in the kitchen. 'Yong pusa lang ang nagpakita sa isip ko. How thick its frosty fur is she could pass as a husky dog. Speaking of, saan na ba iyon pumunta?

"Did you take note of what I said?"

Mukha siyang nang-aakusa, at ang tono ng maikling pasensiya ay iniikutan ito. I was tempted to glance at my phone but it's no use. Alam kong hindi ko iyon nalista.

"Uhm...e-egg, bacon and...toast," mahina kong panghuhula.

"No." mariin niyang sabi. Kasing higpit ng kanyang mukha ngayon. "Didn't you also take note of what I said that I don't repeat? I will only say it once."

Halos pinaikot ko ang aking mga mata sa harap niya. I don't need to take note on how bossy he can be.

"Coffee?" I inquired. Nag- angat ako ng kilay, isang tahimik na pagtatanong kung tama ako.

Humilig ako sa railing ngunit agad ring lumayo nang maramdaman ang kanipisan niyon. It might look durable but no, I won't risk it.

Ang kanyang sagot ay dinaan niya sa nananantiyang pagtitig. The igniting intensity of those sharp semi-wide greens could crush my spirits. In the hard pressed of his thin lips, I could see how the words are being hiddenly grinded by his teeth.

Hinintay ko siyang umiling o tumango dahil iyon ang mas madaling gawin. Instead of just being cryptic but then, considering how he feel about me now, it doesn't take a dumb man to figure out what he's doing.

Bago ko pa magawang basahin ang kung anumang iniisip niya'y pumasok na siya sa kwarto at ibinagsak ang pinto.

I sighed. Coffee, then.

Hindi na ako nagaksaya ng oras dahil ito ang isa sa pinakaimportante sa trabahong ito. Dahil nga hindi ko masyadong nakuha ang sinabi ni Dean kanina, pinapamilyar ko ang mga gamit sa kusina 'tsaka lang ako gumawa ng kanyang almusal.

To think about doing the work seems easy but now that I am in the actual scenario and is about to do it, it's somehow disquieting. Siguro ito iyong isa sa nagpapahirap sa trabaho. We pressure ourselves too much that doing the job was barely proper. Remembering most of people's threats being Dean's assistant, I was almost so sure that they are just hyperbolizing.

Walang madaling trabaho kaya hindi na nila ako kailangang bantaan na mahihirapan ako. Considering or not Dean and I's history, I'll have it equally with his previous assistants. Being here I think wouldn't really be that bad in comparison to my share of hardships in the past.

Narinig kong bumukas ang pinto ng kuwarto kasunod ang ngiyaw ng pusa. Maybe he's done showering at nakabihis na. Minadali ko ang pagsilid sa paperbag ng mga kakailanganin niya mamayang gabi.

With the sound of keys clanking, natatantiya ko ang lapit niya. And when he came in, his manly perfume assaulted my nose and it could pass as a spell that renders movement.

Bumagal ang aking mga kilos lalo na noong naghila siya ng silya saka umupo.

Kahit kaunting galaw niya'y parang kailangan kong patnubayan. Tensiyonado rin ako pero marahil dahil ay unang araw ko pa lang. Sandali akong tumigil at nilingon siya nang bahagya.

Sa mga kamay niyang nagsalikop sa mesa, pinapalibutan ng kanyang mga braso ang puting mug laman ang kape. He is staring at it so intently as if delving his sight at the very deep end of the drink.

Ang humahaba niyang buhok ay walang suklay, medyo basa at bahagyang magulo. That black leather jacket atop his white vneck makes him all the more virile and sexual with his body that is neither bulky nor skinny but just enough to elicit obscene thoughts. Heat and fluid movements. Rough jaw that could prickle your skin. Raspy whispers and...

Uminit ang pisngi ko sa huling inisip. I instantly drew in a very deep breath and pursed my lips as I exhaled. Nagkandabuhol-buhol bigla ang utak ko habang madaling nagbalik sa ginagawa. Ako yata iyong gutom!

Lumingon si Dean sa aking gawi. Marahil napansin ang maingay kong buga ng hininga. Ngumiti ako.

"Kumain ka na.'" Sabay dulas palapit sa kanya ng plato na may toast bread, egg at bacon. I don't think he can live a day by a just a mere coffee.

Nanatili siyang tahimik tulad nang inaasahan. Seryoso ang kanyang tingin sa akin. Mga mata at ekspresyon na lang yata niya ang magiging basehan ko kesa sa kanyang mga salita.

Pagkatapos ng kanyang agahan ay umalis na kami. Dala ang kanyang mga gamit ay nasa likod niya ako't nakasunod hanggang sa pagpasok sa elevator. As the two doors meet to close, we are enveloped by total silence. Though my questions are loud in my head.

Ano kaya ang sasakyan namin papuntang studio? Sinilip ko ang aking relo at nakitang mag-aalas diyez pa lamang. Will I suggest for us to ride a cab? I may have done searches about him but they're chiefly about their shows, concerts and album updates.

Tumunog ang elevator para sa pagdating namin sa basement. Sa paglingon ko kay Dean ay nakahakbang na siya palabas at gusto yatang mauna sa paglalakad.

Well, after you, Mr. Ortigoza. Ayaw yatang makasabay ang assistant niya. How arrogant.

Ngunit kahit gaano pa ako naiinis ay hindi ko talaga mapigilang purihin siya. His scent remained dancing around my air. It followed him like a tail in his confident and arrogant strides that makes him so believably rough and masculine.

Nilanghap ko ang bango, at pakiramdam ko ako iyong babae sa Axe commercial.

"Just so you know, I can drive," pahayag ko, nilipat ang paperbag sa kabilang kamay sa pangangalay ng isa.

"You drive, then." sabay hagis niya ng susi nang hindi humihinto at hindi ako nililingon.

Namilog ang mga mata ko at hinabol ang pagbabagsakan ng susi upang aking masalo. Huminto ako at tinatanaw siyang dire-diretso sa paglalakad.

You're keeping that attitude, huh? Fine. I'll hand you the same attitude kahit assistant mo lang ako! You'll see, Cornelius. You'll see!

Tinignan ko ang susi sa aking palad. It's in round black leather with two unfamiliar logos. The word 'Corvette' is written above and Sting ray below. Ipinagkibit ko na lang ito at lumakad na habang hinahanap si Dean.

Natagpuan ko siya na tamad nang nakasandal sa itim na sasakyan. A sleek black...

I looked back at the key. Corvette.

What? Inasahan ko pa naman na sasakyan namin iyong Tacoma niya. That car has witnessed a lot about us. Sa muhi niya sa akin ay kaya niyang idispatsa ang sasakyang iyon?

Pinanghinaan ako ng loob sa 'di malamang dahilan.I mean, this shouldn't be the cause of a let down but feeling so couldn't be help but.

No matter how I motivate and impel myself up , anyone's treatment will always create a force to bring me down. Hindi man sadya, pero kung may magawa o masabing negatibo, they'll cook your raw enthusiasm into ripe desolation real quick.

"Uhm..." Umiinit na ang susi sa aking palad. I don't want to risk driving his costly car that, ironically, exudes his character. The hard edges reminds me of him.

Nataranta ako sa maingay na buntong hininga ni Dean sabay hila ng likod paalis sa pagkakasandal. He took out his hands from his jean pocket and quickly snatched the key from my hold.

"Huwag kang magprisinta kung hindi mo naman kaya," matalim niyang sabi saka umikot sa hood para sa driver's seat.

"Kaya ko naman, eh. Kaso..."

"Tss. Reasons." Umiling siya bago pumasok sa sasakyan at binagsak ang pinto. Bumaba ang bintana sa passenger's side. "Sakay!"

Mabilis akong sumunod at hindi ko pa tuluyang naisara ang pinto ay tumakbo na ang sasakyan. Napamura ako.

Sandali lang ang rehearsal nila sa studio since naensayo na nila ito last week kasabay ng mga practices para sa concert. Ang ibang acoustic songs na kasali sa setlist nila mamaya ay natugtog na nila sa mga nagdaang shows. So that makes it easy for them to roll this performance along.

Dean left his car in the studio. Alas singko pa lang ng hapon nang dumating kami lulan ng van ay mahaba na ang pila sa labas ng Kia theatre. And here I thought the beyond hundred thousand who'd went to the sold-out concert is already a loud number. Siguro ito iyong mga hindi nakadalo noong Sabado. And they're quite a lot!

Hindi agad kami nakalabas sa dami ng mga pumapalibot sa van. Girls screaming, tapping the windows, kaya halos hindi maipark ng driver ang van. Ako iyong nagpanic!

At indi ko maintindihan ang tawang-tawa na si Cash na may binabasang note na dinikit ng isang fan sa bintana.

"Dean! Oh my God! Dean!"

Pakiramdam ko tanggal ang lalamunan ng babaeng iyon. Malakas nitong hinampas ang bintana saka sumilip. Dumikit ang ilong at bibig at nag-iwan pa ng mamantikaing marka. Lumala ang hagalpak ni Cash.

Pagod sumandal si Dean sa backrest kasama ang buntong hininga. "Here we go again..."

Tumingala siya na mas lalong nagpapabunyag sa anggulo ng kanyang panga. Looks like a perfect 120 degrees for me. Pumikit siya at hinihilot ang tulay ng kanyang ilong.

"Duh? Hindi ka pa ba sanay, Dean? Gusto mo palit tayo? Ako ang bokalista, ikaw sa gitara." Lumingon sa aming gawi si Cash.

Natawa si Skyler. "Kahit si Dean ang magiging alalay mo Cash, siya pa rin ang titilian."

Sa aming tawanan ay kamot sa batok ang nagawa ni Cashiel. Muli kong nilingon si Dean na mukhang masama ang pakiramdam at hindi magawang makisali sa biruan ng mga kaibigan.

"Masakit ulo mo? I brought medicines, " sabi ko sabay bukas sa aking bag para sa binaon kong mga tablets.

"I'm fine." Sa halos pabulong na iyon ay may kaakibat na diin at rahas.

"Sigurado ka? You have to be okay for—"

"I said I'm fine!"

Magkapanabay ang malakas niyang boses at ang pagdilat niya dala ang katindihan. Natahimik kaming nasa loob at hindi ko sila matignan. Maybe this is what they're talking about.

Bumalot ang sakit sa puso ko at tinago na lang sa pagtango.

"Okay, sabi mo eh. Uminom ka nalang ng tubig. You're probably just dehydrated." Sabay abot ko sa kanya ng pawisang mineral water.

Tinignan niya lang iyon at aroganteng umiling. Halos matawa siya na halatang puno ng pait at wala sa sariling tinitignan ang patuloy na pagtili ng mga nasa labas. Umuga ang van sa hampas at pagyugyog.

I sighed and turned the cap. Muli kong nilahad ang tubig sa kanya. Hindi niya ito nilingon at pumalumbaba pa. He's acting like a spoiled brat!

"Ruth."

Binalingan ko ang bumulong na galing sa harap. It was Skyler. All eyes are on me but Wilmer.

"Coconut water," she mouthed. Tumango si Cash na katabi niya at namimilog mga mata.

Malaki ang awang ng bibig ko. Damn! Sabi na may nakalimutan ako, eh!

Hindi ko gagawing dahilan ang pagiging baguhan ko rito. I really should have focused on listening to Dean more than to my thoughts. Bago ko pa siya maharap muli ay inanunsiyo na ni Marcus ang paglabas namin.

" Edgar and Curtis are here. Brace yourselves guys, it's a warzone outside."

Nakita ko sa labas ang dalawang bouncer na nagpalabas sa akin noong concert. The screams went louder as they opened the door. The two automatically enclosed each member of the band and ushered them inside the venue.

Ako ang pinakahuling lumabas kasama si Patrick at kami ang walang mga bouncer na nakaalalay.

May kanya-kanyang pinagkakaabalahan ang bawat isa nang makarating ako sa backstage. Una kong nahagip si Cash na agad lumamon sa nakahandang pizza. Probably part of their rider's list.

Mabilis ang pagdaan ng mga crew, ang isa'y sinisigaw ang sagot tungkol sa isang hindi gumaganang amplifier. Ang isang nakikipagtawanan ay tumayo sa inuupuang amp dahil gagawin umanong pamalit . Ang spare na mga instrumento ay nakahanay sa isang de-kurtinang pader.

Sa narinig na tugtugin ng piano ay sumilip ako sa stage at nakitang naka-set up na ito. I can only see Dean's back but I know how he is so concentrated on playing. Naroon din si Wilmer na kinuha ang gitarang inabot ng sound technician upang i-testing.

Binalingan ko ang babae sa hamba na kanina ko pa napapansin na mukhang may hinahanap. Her brown hair cascaded down to her hips. Her thick fringe made her look youthful and stylish.

Nilapitan ko siya.

"Excuse me, Miss? You're looking for...?"

Namilog ang mga mata niya saka ngumiti. "Oh, hi! I'm Cindy from MOL magazine. I would like to have a quick interview with the band before they'll start the show. Kung okay lang sa kanila."

Pansin ko ang lalake sa likod na may dalang video camera. Tipid siyang ngumiti pati na ang angat ng kamay nito para sa pagbati. The girl, Cindy, giggled.

"I'm also running a music blog and post band interview videos in youtube. Their manager knows me actually."

Binaba ko ang tingin sa visitor pass niyang nakasabit sa dulo ng kanyang fitting white shirt. Ngumuso ako bago nag-angat ng tingin.

"Magsa-sound check pa yata sila, e. Can you wait for ten minutes?"

Tumango siya. "Okay, sure."

Pinuntahan ko muna si Marcus upang masigurado kung tunay niya bang kilala siya nito. Seeing the band groupies and the extent of what they can do? It's not impossible that some of them would go as far as to pretend to be a blogger.

"Yeah, Cindy's a dear friend. Naging suki ang banda sa MOL dahil sa kanya."

Tumango lamang ako. Hindi kaya dahil may gusto kay Dean? Oh well, I should not think of it that way. Ang dapat kong isipin ay magaling lang talaga ang banda for them to snatch the interest of magazine editors. Pero hindi rin naman kasi maiiwasan na isa sa dahilan kung bakit maraming humahanga sa kanila ay dahil sa kanilang itsura. The guys are great looking, and Skylar's a looker. Kaya may mga lalake ring puma-fanboy.

Lumayo ako nang nag-vibrate ang cellphone ko sa aking bulsa. Seeing Sue's name made me answer the call immediately.

"Hello, Sue?"

"Tita Ruth!"

Suminghap ako at natawa nang marinig ang boses ng aking pamangkin. Hindi mapigilan ang pangingilid ng tubig sa aking mga mata. This is what I need from the consistent downers these past few days.

Sumenyas ako kay Cindy habang papalabas ng backstage. Mahirap marinig ang usapan dahil sa sound check.

"Hey, baby Arrow. And why are you calling me?" panunuya ko.

"Kasi—mama! I'm talking to tita!" iyak ng bata.

Nakangiti lamang ako habang pinakikinggan ang mahinahong pagsita ni Sue sa kanya. Arrow's cry of complain is so cute. May ingay ang paglilipat ng cellphone na sa tingin ko'y hawak na ng kapatid ko.

"You stay there, okay? Or you can't have your fries," anito. "Hello, ate? Sorry, si Arrow kasi kinuha ang cellphone ko. To my absolute horror! He knows how to operate a cellphone at six years old!"

Inalay ko ang likod sa pader. Wala pa namang sampung minuto kaya hindi pa siguro matatapos ang sound check. I can have my five minute break at the least.

"Saan mo naman kasi nilagay ang cellphone mo? The sharp objects, Sue. Keep them away from Arrow's reach, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Palagi mong sinasabi iyan kaya mahirap kalimutan. Are you busy? Tutulungan ko pa si Arrow sa assignments niya and he has to sleep early. Tawag na lang ako ulit, or you call me. Napagtripan lang talaga niya ang phone ko. And I don't understand his fetish on you. Ako ang ina, so why is he like obsessed with you, ate?"

I can't help but laugh at her humored sentiment. Totoo naman kasi na panay kapit sa akin ng bata. I'm not really fond of children, pero simula noong pinanganak si Arrow, naging malapit ako sa isang bata sa unang pagkakataon.

"O, heto na naman. Sinabi ko lang na magba-bye na ako sa 'yo, inaagaw na ang phone."

"It's fine, Sue. Pagbigyan mo na." Bahagya kong tawa.

Mas narinig ko ang paglipat ng cellphone sa kabilang linya dahil sa pananahimik ng stage. Puro kwentuhan na lang ang nanaig sa loob at ilang halakhakan.

Are they done? Did they finish the whole song?

"I love you, tita Ruth! I miss you...balik ka na po..."

Binalot ng init ang puso ko sa sinabi ng pamangkin. Ngumiti ako na agad din namang napawi nang biglang sumulpot si Dean at inangkin ang buong pintuan ng backstage. Namanhid ang aking mga tuhod.

Halong init at lamig ang tila humalo sa aking dugo sa pagpapalit ng kanyang ekspresyon. From the worry that wounded his face instantly molded into dead seriousness as soon as he met my gaze.

Kumalabog ang puso ko sa titigan namin na halos ikinabingi ko. Dumudulas na ang cellphone sa aking tenga at lumuwang ang hawak ko rito. I was about to approach him and find out what he needs.

"Tita? You're not answering...Mama, I think she doesn't love me anymore..."

Ilang beses akong napakurap at hinila ang sarili sa katinuan. I swallowed to moist my dry throat. Napahinto ako at inalala ang sinabi ng pamangkin ko. He's about to cry now.

"Uhm...I—I love you, too. And I missed you..." I said without leaving my eyes from Dean.

Halo ang pait, poot at sarkastiko ang dinala sa pag-angat ng isang bahagi ng kanyang labi. Patalim sa kanyang mga mata at manhid na lang ang hindi mararamdaman ang kaba mula sa kanya.

In disappointment, he slowly shook his head. I saw the intense pain in his face before he turned his back away from me.