Bumaon na ang kamay ni Dean sa buhok ko at minamasahe roon ang parte ng aking batok. The pace is in parallel to his slow kisses as I am also working on what I was told.

One more sip at his bottom lip, I let go.

Napapikit ako nang pareho kaming magbitaw. I swallowed and breathed rapidly as the feel of his warmth on my lips had me replay everything in my mind. Inuugoy ako ng sariling pintig ng nagliliyab kong puso.

My heartbeat's on a race it hurts. Namamanhid ang labi ko upang makapagsalita.

"Am I forgiven?"

Napakislot ako. I almost regret the plea in my whisper but I couldn't put a stop to it since it is exactly how I feel. I am desperate for his forgiveness.

"What do you think? You might want to kiss me some more just to make sure."

Umirap ako sabay magaan na hampas sa kanyang dibdib. Siguro okay na kami dahil nahahampas ko na siya. The rasp from his chuckle tamed my skin hairs to salute. Para akong tinutusok ng ilang milyong karayom at imbes na masakit ay nakikiliti ako.

I don't feel comfortable with this new found skin of mine.  Hindi ko alam kung paano ko nagawang magpakumbaba nang ganito. I have never been this submissive.

Halos nakayakap na sa akin si Dean. Nanatili ang paghaplos ng kamay niya sa aking batok. With his mouth that keeps on whispering breaths of comfort in my cheeks, kulang na lang makatulog ako sa mga bisig niya.

Lumamig na ang palad kong nakalapat sa pawisan niyang dibdib. I slightly pushed him but he barely made me do so. Humigpit ang isang kamay niya sa baywang ko upang paigtingin pa ang pagpigil sa akin.

I could feel that hand of his shouted, 'Don't!'

Pinuno ko ng hangin ang dibdib. If this is how he wants us to remain, then fine. I still feel that my apology isn't enough so I'll see to it to do whatever he wants. Even tolerate his fancies. I might even spoil him.

"Dean seriously. Sorry talaga..." malamyos kong sabi. I felt my chest inflamed as I sighed again.

"Sshh..." Banayad niyang hinalikan ang aking pisngi. Marahan akong napapikit.

"There are things that affected me at hindi ko alam paano sasabihin...You know I don't talk about my...problems..."

Halos hindi ko matapos ang sinasabi ko. His kisses travelled to my hair and I don't know how I should entertain that. Kung tutulugan ko ba ito o mas dadamhin pa. Pinakiramdaman ko ang sariling tila yelong natutunaw.

"Oh how I loathed my impatience that it didn't make me wait for you to tell me, Ruth. With that, I'm at fault, too."

He doesn't say sorry often. But words that bordered close to an apology is his style. Siguro dahil karaniwan. Dean hates clichés so saying sorry would make him mainstream. He doesn't like that.

Bahagya kong hinila ang sarili upang matignan siya. I still find it hard to do so. Masyado niyang idinikit ang sarili sa akin.

"Hindi ka na galit?" umaasa kong tanong.

"Magkaiba ang galit sa tampo, Ruth," aniya na hindi nagpapalit ng posisiyon.

His mouth is deep-rooted to my sweaty hair. He's still hugging me.

"You didn't talk to me. I made my move pero nagpakipot ka."

Namanhid na ang kamay kong naiipit sa pagitan ng mga dibdib namin kaya nilipat ko sa baywang niya. Not exactly on his waist. Just the cloth of his sando on the waist part. Pati iyon ay basa sa pawis.

"You cried. I honestly didn't expect that from you. I couldn't take it seeing you..."

Sa pagtunog ng bell ay hindi ko narinig kung may naidugtong siya roon. Regardless of the warning for the first afternoon class to start, we stayed in our positions as though we have all the time in the world for lunchbreak.

And I participated in us staying this way.

With hindsight, if I don't want a repeat of what happened, especially now that I get to undergo the struggles of appeasing Dean, I'm going to confide to him about my problems.

Images of the past few days invaded my vision. Namalayan kong humigpit ang kamay ko kay Dean at dumiin na talaga sa balat niya. The image when he walked out that door had me pull him closer to me. It reminds me of so many things...beliefs, memories...

All along I have wanted this. I wanted an 'us'.  Pinipigilan lang talaga ako ng takot kong maulit ang sitwasyon sa ina ko. I now get to understand that growing up, I've been living in a prison cell of fear that it touches my decisions to leave the first thing I see exit.

The situation with Dean has shaken the cloud of inhibitions and in a clear sky blue sky, I reached for it. I am reaching for this chance. I am reaching for this new experience of never wanting to leave. Ever...

Ayokong may umalis sa amin. Ayokong may lumayo.

Hilingin ko man na sana walang magbago, alam kong meron. Change is a constant bitch. And if that happens, the only change that I want to come about is to heighten whatever this relationship is called. I don't care what this is as long as it comprises me and Dean.

"Have you eaten lunch?" Dean asked.

Umiling ako. He felt my nod because he suddenly pulled back. Ngunit naiwan ang kamay niya sa baywang ko.

The look he's giving me is oppressing. The skin in between his brows warned me about his irritation.

"Bakit?" halos nanggagalaiti niyang tanong.

Muntik na akong umatras. After our non-speaking terms for days, ayoko nang gumawa ng kahit ano na magdadala sa kanya ulit doon. I took notes of myself to behave some more and to submit a little.

"Kasi dinala nila ako rito. They didn't give me time to eat lunch."

Bigla kong naisip si Erika. Dalawa lang iyan, nasa labas siya at hinihintay ako o hindi na nahintay ang gutom at kumain. Eitherway, I harbor no hard feelings.

Nanatili ang talim sa mga mata ni Dean. Tila patalim na nagdadalawang isip kung isasaksak niya ba sa akin. I know that look is not pointed for me. He's diving into his deep thoughts.

Tipid siyang tumango. He then licked his bottom lip and raked his fingers in his messy hair. Kita ko ang bakas ng daliri niya sa kanyang buhok at kung paano ito sumunod sa direksiyon ng kanyang kamay.

Nasa may pader pa rin ako habang pinagmamasdan ang pagbibihis ni Dean. Instead of a sando, he brought a white muscle shirt with him to go with his polo uniform.

Nadatnan namin ang apat na na nakaupo sa konkretong bench paglabas namin sa multipurpose building. Ngumunguya si Erika na may asukal pa sa pisngi. Si Cash lang ang tumayo sa kanila na sinusuot ang excitement.

"I thought I heard a moan!"

"Shut up, Cash," sita ni Skylar. Ang busangot na mukha niya ay nahalinhinan ng ngiti nang bumaling sa amin ni Dean. "Ayos na kayo?"

With Dean's still warm arm on my shoulders, he pulled me closer to him making it as his answer. Tila inilawan ang mga mukha nila maliban sa isa. Wilmer's lightbulb is off.

"O'right!" sigaw ni Cash na tumatalon talon pa. Isang beses siyang pumalakpak at tinapik ang nakabusangot na si Wilmer sa tabi. Nakalahad ang isang kamay niya rito. "Will, you owe me a hundred."

"Damn it," bulong ni Wilmer at mas iritado ang mukha habang binubunot ang wallet sa bulsa niya.

"So sisipot ka na sa practice at gig, ha?'Cause dude, we busted our asses just for the registration alone!" si Cash na ibinulsa na ang pera sa pustahan.

Curious man sa huling sinabi ni Cash, nawaglit din naman ito sa nakita kong pagtango ni Dean. Medyo dumikit ako sa kanya dahil sa kanyang pabango. It's the kind of perfume na hindi nakakahilo.

Uminit ang mukha ko nang maramdaman ang hininga niya sa aking tenga. Mabilis nag-iwas ng tingin ang apat at nagpatiuna na sa paglalakad.

"I'm afraid to say we have to cut class, Ruth. You have to eat."

Tiningala ko siya. Bahagya ang inatras ng mukha niya kaya sobrang lapit nito sa mukha ko.

"Bili na lang ako ng sandwhich," sabi ko.

Ngumuso siya. Hindi iyong tipong nagpapa-cute. Dean is never cute. It was more like he's telling me how stubborn I am and is plotting a trap on how to make me obey him at the same time.

Matagal niya akong tinitigan, at malay ko ba kung anong lumalangoy sa isip niya? Nakahinto pa kami sa walang katao-taong gym habang ang mga kasama namin ay nasa guard house na. I heard the class from the computer lab greeted their afternoon teacher. Late na ako sa klase.

"Absent si Ginang so wala kayong quiz sa El Fili," pahayag ni Dean. "Then as your first period in the afternoon, it would take Ms. Soco thirty minutes before she arrives in the class. You can eat faster than that, right?"

Nanatili siyang nakatitig, inaabangan ang pagsang-ayon ko. Hindi ko alam kung maiinis o mamamangha ba ako sa ugali niyang gustong palaging tama at nasusunod. He doesn't want to entertain defeat.  At all.

Huminga ako ng malalim at sa huli ay tumango. Laking tuwa ng guwapong nilalang at mas inakbayan pa ako patungong canteen.

Umuwi kami ni Sue noong hapon at nadatnan si daddy. He's in the kitchen at kakasara pa lang ng ref. His button down and slacks declared that he has just arrived from the construction firm.

Milagro na para sa amin na naaabutan siya sa bahay. Bilang lang ang mga araw kung mangyari iyon.

I know he has his rest days but frequent calls from clients ands suppliers still occupied him. Should I be happy about his hands being full all the time? So-so. The work somehow has deviated him from the heartbreak years ago. But still, he bounced back to a literal heart break motivated by the heart attack.

Takot ko lang kapag maulit iyon. Losing something and someone good is crazy. Kaya desedido na ako sa kung anong kukunin kong kurso sa college.

Hinintay kong makaakyat si Sue sa kanyang kwarto bago ko pinasok ang kitchen. Dad's leaning on the counter, sinusundan ako ng tingin habang umiinom sa likod ng baso. His eyes aren't only curious, they are tender at the same time.

"How's school? Have you bought a dress for your prom?"

Inipit ko ang labi ko upang madilaan nang palihim ang panunuyo nito.

Sa pagiging mahinhin ni dad, awkward para sa akin na tanungin ako tungkol sa kahit anong school-related topics. It sounds like he's just forced to be concern but deep inside I know, talking about these things also makes him uncomfortable.

At ang paniniwala ko ay dumiin lang nang tumikhim siya. The awkward action of his hand putting the glass down didn't go unnoticed to me.

"Bibili pa lang po. Maybe next week."

Nakatitig ako sa laman ng ref namin. There's a lot of variety of liquids; water, juices, shakes, freshmilk, ngunit niisa ay wala akong kinuha. Nawalan ako ng panlasa. It's because I'm not here to drink.

"How much is your budget? Or...you can use my card. Ibili mo na rin ng regalo si Sue for her upcoming birthday."

Nilingon ko siya at nakitang hindi na ito nakasandal sa counter. Hands on his pockets, medyo tuwid ang kanyang tindig na parang pinapakita sa akin na kaya niyang gawin ang isang bagay kahit sa loob niya'y may kumikislap na pangamba.

He's too formal. And him being like that, brought me to the maybe that he's uncomfortable around Dean. Wala kasing kapormal-pormal sa katawan iyon.

Tumango ako. "Okay po."

Mabilis kong kinuha ang freshmilk at sinara na ang ref. I hurried to the dining chair bago pa siya makaalis.

"Pa? Anong nangyari sa inyo ni mama?" Hindi na ako nagpaligoy-ligoy. 

I saw how his back tensed hearing the question. Gusto ko pa sanang idugtong kung alam niyang nasa siyudad mismo ito. Ngunit ayoko rin naman siyang biglain.

Dad took his time before he faced me. Ang pagod sa mga mata niya ay naghatid sa aking magsisi sa tinanong ko. It might have brought back the memories and he already got tired running back to the past.

"We fell in love as fast as we fell apart."

Ang paglunok ko ay hindi naibsan ang paninikip ng aking dibdib. Simpleng pagkakasabi ngunit parang labahan na pinipiga ang puso ko.

Now I get to have a preview on what heart attack feels like. On what dad had felt on his near-death experience.

Sinundan ko siya ng tingin na mabagal humila ng upuan sa tapat ko. He sat and wasn't looking at me as he went on.

"We were young, siguro kasing edad mo lang. But it doesn't mean na nangyayari 'yon sa lahat. Hindi ibig sabihin na mangyayari iyon... sa inyo..."

Makahulugan ang tingin niya sa akin. Sa mga mata pa lang niya, nababasa ko na ang isang pangalan sa kanyang huling sinabi.

Pinaigting niya lang iyon sa binuntot niyang tanong.

"You're dating him already?"

Nagtaas ako ng kilay habang may inaabangan pa sa kanya. I wanted to know how he would describe Dean. In there, maybe I could tell if he approved of us or not.

Eitherway, kagustuhan ko pa rin naman ang masusunod. I just want to know his say.

"Sino po?" maang-maangan ko.

Damn it, Ruth! Gawin ba namang tanga ang daddy mo? Pero sa pag-angat ng labi ni Dad para sa pigil na ngiti ay ginawa kong katawa-tawa ang sarili ko!

"Iyong Amerikanong matangkad."

Napigilan kong mapabungisngis sa pagipit sa aking labi. Iyon lang ba talaga ang masasabi ni dad tungkol sa kanya? Yet in a way, they only met twice so regarding only Dean's physicality is enough considerable.

"You like him?" Halos hindi ko matignan si daddy doon. Sumimsim ako ng freshmilk sa baso.

His eyes narrowed at me in half-curiosity and wonder.

"Do you like him?" he asked, pressing every word like I should memorize it.

Sometimes, shrugging is the safest action. But why do I have to be safe? Telling the truth would not lead me to trouble.

Kaya tumango ako saka yumuko, pinaglalaruan ang dulo ng aking uniform blouse.

"Do you love him?"

Nahila ng sumunod niyang tanong ang atensiyon ko. Why did I suddenly panic? Tila  bahay na nilalamon ng apoy ang tanong ni dad at gusto ko itong takasan.

"I'm seventeen, Dad." Paalala ko lang in case nakalimutan niya.

No trace of sudden realization from him. Sinadya niya talaga sigurong itanong sa akin iyon.

"I fell in love with your mother when I was sixteen."

Dalawang kilay ko ang umangat. The revelation surprised me. We never talked about their love story. What is there to tell, anyway? They fell apart. Is it still called a love story, or a tale of heartbreak?

Anyway, there is nothing to reason out. Tanong lang naman iyon, hindi niya ako inaakusahan. But why did I suddenly feel like I want to defend myself?

"Did both of you fall out of your feelings? Kaya ba hinayaan mo lang siyang umalis?"

I didn't mean to offend him by the way I delivered my question. Sa tingin ko ay hindi rin niya iyon naramdaman. Nanatili lang ang tingin niya at nagsalikop ang mga kamay sa surface ng island counter.

Since I don't see a lot of my father with our contradicting time of going home, I only get to notice now on how he has aged through the years. Nagkakulay puti na ang gilid ng kanyang buhok. It breaks my heart realizing how his age advances so fast.

My father is a handsome man. With that, it gave me an impression na maraming naghahabol sa kanya noong kabataan. But of all the girls that tried to charm their graces to him, why my mother?

"Love is all kinds of disease, Ruthzielle. Minsan dinadapuan ka ng klaseng sakit na ito sa pag-ibig, Minsan naman ibang sakit. Ibang klaseng pag-ibig. They contain the same symptoms, but they lead to different fates. Either death of the love, or long live..."

Natahimik ako habang inisa-isang tinatanggap ang interpretasyon niya sa katagang ito. Malayo sa interpretasyon sa teenager na tulad ko. I'm trying to understand this based from my age, and not from his going fifty state of mind.

"What if she's here, Dad? What would you do? Anong gagawin mo kung may ibang pamilya na siya?"

Tila nagsusumamo ang mga mata niya habang tinitignan ako. Pati ako ay parang nagmamakaawa na sa sarili. I remind myself that this would be the last time I'm going to ask him about her.

"I can't give you even the safest answer, Ruth. I really don't know..."

Sumisikip ang dibdib ko sa pagsukong nakikita sa kanya.

Yumuko ako. I played with my fingers but I was looking at his hands that often hold blueprints, ballpoints and a broken heart.

"Why didn' you fight for her?" Nabasag ang boses ko sa nagbabantang hikbi.

Bahagya siyang napangiwi. Maybe he was asked the same question before. At hindi kami ang unang nakaalam ng dahilan niya. 

And as if to add salt to the wound, it occurred to me to ask if my parents were ever married at all? What is there to fight for if there was never really a battle to begin with? Walang papeles o katibayan. A heart can be a witness, but in this world, everything is legalized through papers. At iyon lang ang tinatanggap ng kalahatan.

Ano mang dinadalang apelido ng ina ko ngayon, ayoko nang malaman iyon.

"There are things that are not worth fighting for. You just rather accept. Accepting doesn't mean being weak, remember that. Acceptance could mean strength that you can live without having to beg for someone that is not meant for you. Tanggap ko nang hindi kami ng Mommy mo. But it's not losing the fight, Ruthzielle. We don't lose. We only learn."

Naluluha ko siyang tinignan. Does that mean that we have to accept this, too? Siguro matagal ko nang tanggap. And together with that acceptance is the fear motivated by her doing. 

"She's not...worth it?"

Umiling siya. "What's worth each fight, Ruth, is to stay alive, and be able to live for you and Sue. To live for my daughters..."

Hinahalina ng pamumuo ng luha niya ang mga mata kong magpalabas rin ng luha.

Tumango ako at sa aking pagyuko, doon sila bumagsak. I tried as hard as I can not to shed a tear. This is awkward but...God, this is my father infront of me. 

Mas lalo akong yumuko nang tumayo siya at nilapitan ako. I let my hair fall on my shoulders and cover my face. Umiiling ako sa aking isip. I don't want him to hug me, dahil minsan kapag dinadamayan ka, doon ka mapapaluha nang husto. Bawling out infront of my father is the last of my priorities.

Magaan ang yakap niya sa akin at hinalikan ang aking buhok.

"Don't think about your mom and mine's death of the love, Ruth. Make your own and make it long live."

Tulala ako habang inaalala ang katagang iyon ni Daddy. Sabado iyon ng umaga at mabagal ang lakad ko sa driveway rito sa school.

Somehow, I was pressured. Ano bang alam ko sa pagpapahaba ng relasyon? Heck! I think I might be the Princess of Short-term Relationships.

Pumagilid kami ni Erika sa pagdaan ng private car na pag-aari ng isa sa mga faculty member. Saglit kong pinanood ang nagkalat na formation ng CAT sa pebbled ground.

All of them were in their standing positions with hands at their backs. Habang ang mga officers naman ay dominanteng nagpalakad-lakad sa harap nila. Naispatan ko si Kiefer doon at naalala ulit ang ginawa niya kina Lucia.

The incident has actually reached the admin. Inamin ni Dean na siya ang nag-utos niyon. I don't know what they did about it. He just masterminded the bullying of his ex-fling!

"Ate Ruth!"

Huminto kami ni Erika at sabay nilingon ang humahabol sa amin. A tall and young suplado-looking moreno guy that doesn't scream familiar to me.

"Sino iyan?" si Erika agad ang tinanong ko. Kasi kung hindi ko kilala, e baka kilala niya. Mas marami siyang kakilala kesa sa akin.

Ang hangin na binuga ng kaibigan ko ay may halong angal.

"The guy that sits the same seat with Cashiel in Asshole class," mariin niyang sabi na parang may nakaraan sila ng bagitong 'to.

Nang makalapit ang lalake ay agad siyang inatake ng katarayan ng kaibigan ko. Although he's not familiar to me, the pink notebook in his hand is.

"What do you want, Denver?"

Napawi ang ngiti nung Denver at binalingan ang katabi ko.

"Aww...Erika, you're such a darling. I'm here for your friend." Ngiti siyang nagbalik tingin sa akin. "Hi, ate Ruth."

Nanaig ang pagtatanong sa mukha ko kesa ang pagngiti.

"Bakit ako hindi ina-ate nito?" Bumubulong bulong si Erika sa tabi ko.

"Groupmates po kami ni Sue at naiwan niya po—"

"At least you still know your manners." Si Erika.

Denver's friendly smile has once again melted as he turned to Erika. May halong patuya na ang tingin nito which I think is what he really is all about. 

"Your words are so colorful I feel like shitting rainbows, sweet pea." Bumaling siya sa akin at ngumiti ulit. "Pakibigay na lang po. Salamat...po."

Tinanggap ko ang notebook ni Sue mula sa kanya. Hind ko mapigilang mapangiti. He's just so adorable.

"Mag-ate ka sa akin sa susunod, Montero!"

Nagsimula nang maglakad paatras si Denver nang puminta ang mapaglarong ngisi nito. Mukhang pilyo ang batang 'to at hindi mapagkakatiwalaan.

"Habulin mo muna ako!" Tumawa siya.

Suminghap si Erika. "What the fuck?"

Natatawa kong hinila si Erika at tumawid na sa kabilang sidewalk dahil mainit sa nilalakaran namin.

"Anong problema mo sa batang iyon? Naging kayo ba dati?" patuya kong tanong.

"Ew! Katorse pa iyon, Ruth! I don't do super minors, jeez! Siya iyong tinutukoy ko sa 'yong malandi naming kapitbahay. I won't be surprised if I find out that he hides porn under his pillow. Pati ba naman aso namin nilandi niya!  That perv!"

Napailing ako at binilisan na ang mga hakbang lalo na sa narinig na hiyawan galing sa gym.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Erika. Nagkibit lamang siya. Sumunod ang strum ng gitara na mas nagpaapoy pa sa ingay ng madla.

"Anong meron?" wala sa sarili kong tanong.

The excited screams made us run faster.  Walang ingay ng drums ngunit humirit naman sa lakas ang pagtambol ng puso ko. It's beating itself to madness! Ideya pa lang ang meron ako sa dahilan ng pinupuntahan namin ay nahahawa na ako sa excitement ng mga tao.

From the entrance alone, I could already see Dean standing in the stage with his guitar. The black strap of it is in striking hot contrast against his plain white shirt.

Sa kabila ng patuloy niyang pag-strum ay sumasapaw pa rin ang magaspang niyang tawa sa mic, reason why these giggling sophomores beside me to squirm like earthworms.

He's going to sing. I should have gotten the idea why the squeals. Tutugtog din kasi sila sa prom. Then ito nga't sinabay na nila ang practice ng tutugtugin sa ensayo para sa event.

"Ortigoza!" tili ng isang third year na sinegundahan ng mga kaibigan niya.

Halos ibuwis na niya ang buhay niya sa pagtiling iyon! Pulang pula ang mukha at tila tatalsik na ang kanyang lalamunan.

Mas lumapit pa kami sa crowd at nakisikisik na rin. Nang makita ako ay tila gate na lumuwang ang bukas sa pagpapadaan sa akin ng mga tao. I smiled and appreciated it. At least may natira pa ring mabait sa akin.

I noticed the seniors and juniors are seems to be in complete attendance as being the audience. May ibang galing sa CAT na sa halip magpahinga ay narito't nanonood. Practice pa lang 'to, ha?

I've been staying awake in the front seat for days

Let the wheel turn and take me away...

Nakalma ang tili ngunit hindi ang hagikhik at sikuhan nang magsimula nang kumanta si Dean.

Skylar is preparing her drumsticks for the upcoming beat. Wilmer is darn serious (as usual) manipulating the keyboards, though kita namang enjoy siya. At si Cash ay habang naghihintay kung saang parte magb-bass ay nakikipagngitian sa isang sophomore sa baba ng stage.

Masyado akong focus sa banda na hindi ko napansin ang babaeng nakatayo sa tabi ni Dean.

I thought student scholar lang siya at tumutulong sa pag-organize ng practice. She's in a white shirt paired with elephant jeans just like some of the other sophomores attending a seminar in the AVR room.

They are sharing the microphone in a stand. Siya na rin ang paksa ng mga ugong sa paligid ko.

"Oohh...so there's the new campus darling making noise."

Nilingon ko si Erika doon dala ang aking pagtataka.

"Campus darling?"

Tumango siya at nanatili ang mga mata sa entablado.

It's the girl's turn to sing. She has a great voice, I admit. Low-alto, and a spine-shivering mix of calm and cold. Nilulusob ang loob ko ng haplos ng pagkamangha galing sa audience at sa haplos ng boses niya.

"Iyong transferee iyan. Classmate ni Sue. Lopez iyong apelido kung hindi ako nagkakamali. Bigatin talaga ang ama niya. So she has the right to brag about her abundance. Wits, talent, family name..."

Namilog ang mga mata ko. Mas dinikit ko ang atensiyon sa kanya at tinitigan talaga siyang mabuti.

Without her glasses, halos hindi ko makilala kung sino ang ka-duet ni Dean! I only get to realize it through her familiar eyes and chestnut brown hair and Erika's information.

Jillian.

Erika doesn't know my connection with her. Ang alam lang niya ay nagbalik ang ina ko at nakaapekto ito sa pang-aaway ko kay Dean. But I never breathed a word about the kid. Had I were, aba'y baka hindi niya pupurihin nang ganito ang batang iyan.

"Balita ko matalino talaga. Pumasa rin siya sa audition sa school choir, and rumor has it that she's going to run president for this upcoming school year's Student Supreme Government!"

"At paano mo nalaman lahat nang iyan?" tanong ko, nanatili ang paningin sa stage.

Hindi makapaniwalang tumawa si Erika. "Ruth, kahit isang beses hindi kayo nagtsi-tsismisan ni Sue? Mag-bonding naman kayo ng kapatid mo."

And I know I'm not perfect but

What the hell do you think of me now?

Do you think of me now?

Ngumiti si Jillian habang nilalapit ang bibig sa mic para sa parte niya. The same time when Dean pulled himself away to give her the space. Yumuko siya at tinitignan ang pag-strum niya sa gitara at bahagyang nag-headbang sa beat gawa ni Sky.

They say that love is for the patient

Gotta plan for being restless for now...

She closes her eyes as she sings. Iyong purong may emosyon katulad kung paano kumanta si Dean. And her equalling to the emotion and passion she has to Dean, parang nanghahapdi ang dibdib ko. Bumigat ang katawan ko upang makakilos. They love to do the same thing. They're passionate about the same thing.

Me? I can't even sing! Hanggang pag-hum lang ako at pagsipol.

Stuck in the sand

With the waves at my feet

And I wish you'd crash into me

'Cause where you are

Is where I wanna be now...

Their synchronizing mouths and voices aimed for that one single microphone. Can't the school afford for another one na isa lang talaga ang pinapagamit para sa dalawa?

Magdo-donate ako ng microphone! Sampu para sure!

"In all fairness, they sound good together. No offense."

Hindi ko matignan si Erika sa sinabi niya. Wala akong angal doon. Maganda naman talagang pakinggan ang duet nila.

Dean smiled at her and asked for a high five. Malugod iyong tinugunan ni Jillian na mukhang nahihiya pa. The people went crazy about it and even praised how they sounded so good together.

Natahimik lang sila nang nilingon ko. Maybe they almost forgot that I am here. Huwag lang nilang kalimutan na magaling akong tumama ng bola sa ulo.

Hindi ko alam kung anong nakikita nila sa mukha ko, pero pakiramdam ko makakabuo na ako ng tulay sa nagdikit kong kilay.

"Canteen lang ako," mahina kong sabi sabay talikod at umalis na ng gym.