The half part of the flight was an awkward affair that had only compounded by Dean's silence. Nangangawit na ang leeg ko sa pananatili ng anggulo nito sa bintana. Looking at Dean will only remind me of what I did a while back and the fact that he isn't still talking to me.

Nagawa ko rin namang i-justify iyon dahil rin sa pananahimik niya. Kaya dapat naintindihan niya ang ginawa ko. To feel guilty myself is just absurd. I wouldn't have said it anyway had he only done his part.

As long as he won't say his piece, then the more the people would assume that there is indeed going on between them. Whatever his reason is, I don't think I'd find myself to acquiesce with the frustration it's causing me.

"Alam mo kung bakit ko iyon sinabi. I expect for you to understand." Ito ang aking panimula.

Nakatingala siya, sandal ang ulo sa headrest at nakapikit. Nakasaksak ang white earphones sa kanyang tenga. I could hear the alternative music booming based from the guitar riffs.

Sandaling naantala ang sasabihin ko dahil sinungkit ang aking paningin ng matangos niyang ilong. I guess his face could never be a calm canvass. Because even with his eyes closed, I could still see the sheer determination. It's the kind of face that doesn't bother look back but just goes forward and envisioned a future. A man that once he dreams, he dreams big and grandiose and he's going to live it by hook or by crook.

Alam kong gising siya dahil tumatambol ang mga daliri nito sa kanyang hita. I covered them with my hand so it stopped. Napaigtad siya kasabay ang pagdilat saka ako binalingan sa nabibigla nitong mga mata.

Kumunot ang noo niya kalaunan nang marahil inaakala'y ginugulo ko ang soundtrip nito. Staring at his face longer than I should attracted a presumption that maybe, whatever I have to say is already losing its importance just because he's looking askance at my sudden action.

Umigting ang panga niya habang tinatanggal ang isang earphone. Malalim ang pakawala niya ng hininga habang pinaubaya sa backrest ang likod, nanatili ang mga mata n'ya sa akin.

"You almost spilled it, Dean. I understand why you're acting like this but that woman could be a spying reporter or showbiz news editor," mariin kong bulong. "Plus, we're in the public. Marami pang hindi nakukuntento sa sinabi ni Jaiilin dahil sa video."

Kumislot ang labi niya kasabay ang pag iwas ng tingin. Mukhang napilitan lang nang siya'y tumango. Panibagong buntong hininga ang nagpumiglas sa kanya sabay isinuko ang likod sa backrest.

Umiling ako. He still doesn't get it, or if he did, he won't welcome the fact how right I was.

"Stop acting like a spoiled teenager. Kung ayaw mo sa ginawa ako e 'di sana sinabi mo na ang totoo sa publiko. So you can't condemn me on this and you knew that."

"She's a dear friend of Madam Vee and tita Elle. She's set to shoot a scene in Cebu so we're in the same plane. She's just fond of me." His tone was thorned with monotony.

Wala sa sariling umangat ang kilay ko nang sa wakas ay nagsalita siya. Inasahan kong matagal pa siyang magmamatigas. But so what? Ang pinahayag niya ay hindi naman ang gusto kong malaman.

"I'm not interested in her. Pero mukhang gusto ka pa niyang asawahin. She's like what? Forty five years old and wants to get laid with a twenty five year old guy?" I didn't mean to sound bitter and sarcastic.

My eyes rounded when he inched his face close. Muntik nang humalik ang matangos niyang ilong sa ilong ko.

"Don't say that within her radius," Dean whispered. " It's going to offend her and she's not gonna like you for it."

Lalo akong sumimangot. As if I care.

Mabilis kong inatras ang aking mukha nang mahagip ang papadaan na stewardess tulak ang food trolley. Kita ko ang busangot ni Dean sa ginawa ko. I ignored it and eyed the smiling stewardess instead.

Na kay Dean ang mga mata nito na nagsanhi ng pag-irap ko sa kanya. Nakita iyon ni Dean kaya lumingon siya sa likod.

"Hi , Sir, you might want to buy our snacks?" anito nang huminto sa dulo ng aming seat. Her accent is very articulate that's meant for seduction.

Ang ginawad na ngiti ni Dean sa kanya ay kulang na lang umupo ang babae sa kanyang kandungan. Her eyes are obviously raping him! Dean is scratching his rough and shadowed jaw as if in deep thought which all the more attracted the flirting woman.

Ang kamay niyang nasa panga ay humiwalay upang tumuro sa partikular na pagkain. His mouth was ready for speaking but I beat him to it.

"No, thanks. We've just had our lunch." I spoke professionally and smiled sweetly at her, kahit si Dean lang ang binati niya.

Dean turned to me. Mouth slighty pouted to supress a laugh with mirth rejoicing around his intense eyes.

"How about some drinks?" Saglit lang akong tinignan ng stewardess bago binalik ang buong atensiyon sa katabi ko. I almost rolled my eyes.

Tinaasan ako ng kilay ni Dean, tila hinahamon ako sa susunod kong gagawin. Damn that angled brow.

"We brought our own water." Sabay angat ko sa mineral bottle.

Alinlangan itong tumango at ngumiti, hindi interesado sa sinabi ko. I felt rejected at that and I hated her more for it.

Ang sagana sa pag-asa niyang mga mata ay muling bumaling kay Dean. Ang mukha ng pagtatampo kanina ay tila ba isang malaking biro lang kung makapagpigil siya ng ngiti ngayon. His tongue stabbed at his inner cheek.

"How about you...sir?" Malandi ang gamit nitong boses at makahulugan. It's like she's saying a silent 'Call me'.

Umuusok na yata ang ilong ko sa inis. Tagong-tago ang aking paghingal. Kung hindi naman si Jaillin ang poproblemahin ko ay ito namang mga babaeng umaaligid kay Dean. Sarap niyang papangitin kahit isang araw. Minsan sa sobrang guwapo ng isang lalake ay maiinis ka na lang! Wala siyang niisang bad angle.

"Uhm..." Tumikhim siya. " My girl—" Kinurot ko siya. He jumped then cleared his throat. "S-she's right! She's right." Mabilis niyang kambyo at kaswal ang tono ng huli sabay tango.

Damn! Kung hindi ko pa kinurot ay madudulas ulit ang dila niya! I cannot fully trust this man's mouth!

Nagtagal ang tingin ng babae sa akin, nangingilatis at tila may niluluto itong konklusiyon. I don't think she' d only offer a pretty face. Mukhang madaling makaramdaman. I tried to deny whatever her assumption is with a smile.

Tumango na ito at muling sinulyapan ang katabi ko bago tumulak sa kasunod na seat. Kahit may ini-entertain nang iba ay nagawa pa rin nitong balikan ng sulyap si Dean.

I sighed as I thought of having him being kidnapped. Iyong hindi na siya makikita ng samabayanan dahil pag-aagawan lang. It made me sound crazy and funny but yeah, I somehow imagined it. Ang kailangan ko na lang ay mga tauhan.

I turned to him when his strong arm winded around my waist. Lumihis ang mukha niya sa gilid ng aking mukha na parang may ibubulong. My ear and neck burned with his fiery breath.

"God, Ruth." It sounded strained and amused at the same time. "You're hot as fuck when jealous. And if you must know, that's my kind of woman. You're my kind of woman, sugar."

Kung pwede ko lang ibahin ang pulang kulay ng dugo kong nagipon sa aking mukha ay matagal ko nang ginawa. Inangkin ng pangingilabot ang aking batok at mga braso. Ang galing rin niyang bumawi noh?

Hinatiran ko lang siya ng talim ng aking paningin. The amusement and heat in his eyes were glued to me intently. Like he wants to lure me in his naughty entertainment but I should also expect a little dose of pain.

Bahagya siyang nakayuko habang nakatitig. Bumaba ang mga mata niya sa tikom kong labi. He licked his lips making it reddish and wet before he slightly pouted. The action delivered a baby of sweats and impregnated some more.

Umakyat muli ang paningin niya sa mga mata ko. Those intense eyes seduced my heartbeat the reason why they started to get wild in its rib jungle. Mas tumalim ang tingin ko sa kanya.

Why are you so unfair, Cornelius? So unfair. The world is so unfair, too with the kind of face you have. Para bang kung maghihiwalay pa tayo ulit ay masisiraan ako ng bait at gusto ko na lang magpatiwakal.

Kung sa talento mo pa lang ay mukhang hindi na kita abot kamay, sa itsura mo naman ay mas nararamdan ko ang de-milyang layo ko sa 'yo. Parang imposible na sa ganyang itsura ay ang lapit mo sa akin. It was like getting starstruck by the real God and I suddenly found my salvation upon meeting Him. You. I was empty on those days without you, Dean. Staring at your god-like face reminded of those years that you weren't with me. If I wanted to get lost then, I'd rather be not found within those hazel green eyes of yours. Iyong diyan lang ako mananatili...Sa 'yo...sa isang parte ng nag-iisang Dean Ortigoza.

It still feels unbelievable for me. You're a walking fantasy. Sa tingin ko ay lahat ng santo at ang Diyos ay pasasalamatan ko sa oras na malagpasan natin lahat. Buong buo akong magpapaangkin sa 'yo. No holds barred once this will be all set and fucking done.

Napapikit ako kalakip ang angkin ng surpresa sa pagdami ng labi niya sa akin. Volts made a trip from my lips to my face and to my every omnipresent nerves. Nagtagal ito ng ilang segundo. He pulled away only to kiss me again.

"I 'll never know what's on your mind, Ruth." He spoke against my lips. "But please know that I'm just trying to protecting you, too. I trust tita Vilma..."

"You're protecting me through denying me from the rest. Pero nakita na nga nila tayo. The video!" Sa pagsubok na tapangan ang boses ay nanghihina ang kinalabasan nito.

Mas hinila niya ang sarili upang matignan ako nang maigi. Nanghihingi ng pag-unawa ang kanyang tingin ngunit nagmatigas ang aking ekspresyon. Lumilipad ang isip ko sa posible niyang mga dahilan ngunit niisa sa mga iyon ay walang akong tamang dinapuan.

"I can't keep my hands to myself when I'm with you, Ruthzielle. Panapos ng usapan!" He said that as if it's the eleventh commandment.

My trembling eyes seconds ago were now stilled by the chain of his words and held me captive with those two sharp pools of green. It might not be the reason I was asking for but crazy how it calmed me, which I think is unfitting in this conversation.

"So I can't assure you that it won't happen again. As much as how I keep on trying to stop myself and do what you want which is to hide our relationship, I can't. And I like how I can't control myself around you."

All I could do is sigh and breathe in his statement. Man, he always has his way with words made of sweets and laces. No wonder why he's successful as a songwriter.

Ang bakanteng kamay niya ay hinawi ang takas kong buhok at sinungkit sa likod ng aking tenga. Then his knuckle gently caressed my cheek which tickled a little bit.

He bit his lower lip as he contemplated on what to say. "I can't keep myself sane...so spare me with my ... irrepressible flirtings." He smirked with a slight pout then winked.

I made an animated face just to hide my smile. Inirapan ko siya para mas itago pa iyon. Ngunit nasa ibang mga bagay pa rin ang isip ko ngayon. I can't just ignore that regardless of how he's making me feel.

"Then what's stopping you from publicizing us? Not that I want to get publicized and people to sensationalize about me..."

"Just trust me, love." His thumb stroked my lower lip.

Pinatahimik ako nito saglit. I don't want to smile. Ayokong magpadala sa mga lambing niyang alam kong ibibilanggo lamang ako. I have to stay outside this cage and explore some more...find out his reason, stand firm to my resolve which was inspired by whatever his plans are.

"Gusto mong lumayo ako?"

"No!"

Mabilis niya akong inakbayan at hinapit. Parang gusto niyang mag- rally sa mariin na protestang nakaukit sa kanyang mukha. And why does he look more attractive when almost angry, huh? Unfair talaga. Ortigoza, unfair!

"Ruth...hindi kita ipagpapalit. Not with your boring half-sister."

I made a face as I was being reminded of her. Lalo na sa mga pinagsasabi niya kanina. Anger made a backlash making waves into my blood. Mabilis din naman akong naibalik sa kakalmahan sa pagugoy ni Dean sa akin sa akbay niya, tila ba ay alam nito ang iniisip ko.

"I'm not going to deny you, okay?"

Sarkastiko ang aking ngiti. "Let's see. Sabihin mo iyan ng tatlong beses pagkatilaok ng manok."

Humalakhak siya at hinila ang kamay ko upang mahila rin ako sa kanya. He kissed the top of my head and just like what he always does, he smells my hair and caressed my arm.

This whole thing is still forming clouds in my mind. Ayaw kong ipaalam kay Dean na may mga pagdududa pa rin ako. Until he stays connected with Jaillin, then I'll stay clinging with my misgivings, too. A doubt may be negative sounding but the upside was to make us stay vigilant. He cannot take that away from me as long as he's acting like being in a real relationship with her.

I could trust Dean. I mean, I should. It's only in his decisions—whatever it is— where I gave my full benefit of the doubt.

"Dito po tayo sa departure entrance dumaan, Sir. Marami na po kasing mga fans na nagaabang sa arrival area."

Nagtitipa ako ng mensahe kay Marcus nang inangat ng atensyon ko ang pinahayag ng isang security personnel.

" You said they've been waiting since ten in the morning. Hindi biro iyon. We have to meet them," si Dean saka nilingon ang tumatango nang si Cashiel. A diamond studded beats headphone around his neck.

"Airport protocol lang po. We're just preventing any commotion sir."

Wala sa mukha ni Dean ang senyales ng pagtanggap. Nagtagis ang bagang nito. I almost forgot that he breaks the rules most of the time. At alam kong mas magkakagulo kung hindi masusunod ang gusto niya.

"I'll call Marcus," sabi ko bago pa siya magsalita. The way his thin lips closed so tightly and his jaw clenching are apparently not the signs of something good and peaceful.

Tumango si Dean dala pa rin ang mahigpit nitong ekspresyon.

I completely understand the connection he has with the fans. Siyempre kapag independent artist ay hindi malimit ang dating ng suporta at sponsors kung ikukumpara sa mainstream. Lalo na't dito sa bansa ay palaging musika ng mga banyaga ang umaangat. And for them, Dean especially, arrogant as he is but he cares for the fans. With their uninterrupted success, the very huge contributor of their perpetual music making are their listeners and avid supporters. Kaya hindi pwede sa kanyang hindi sila makita. They owe their achievement to the fans.

"Hindi pa kami dumating ay nandito na sila. Sky and Wilmer talked to a few of the people but of course, si Dean pa rin ang pinakahinihintay nila,"si Marcus sa kabilang linya.

"Dean and Cash wants to meet them but the security insisted for us to use the departure entrance instead."

Several securities surrounded the two. Nakasunod ako sa kanila habang kausap si Marcus. And true to their statements, I could hear the series of screams without having to see who they are. At sa mga nalaman kung sino ang pinapaligiran ng security ay nag-angat agad sa kanilang mga camera phones.

"Okay, I'll talk to them and schedule a meet up later," ang sinabi ni Marcus bago binaba ang tawag.

I caught a pregnant woman escorted by two security personnel directing their steps to us. Isang security ay tinawag ang isang bumabakod kina Dean but I stepped forward and talked to them instead. Ikinagulat pa ito ng security.

"Fan daw po. E buntis kaya pinagbigyan na namin."

Mahiyain ang buntis at may itsura. Sa pagtitig ko sa kanya ay mukha pa siyang natakot at isang beses humakbang paatras. Hindi ko lang mapigilang isipin na baka ipaako ito kay Dean at nagpapanggap lang na fan. I'm aware what they are capable of these days. They would go psycho for Dean Ortigoza. Am I that bad to overthink something as ridiculous as that?

"Dean, a fan,"sabi ko nang matantong katabi ko na siya. I handed him and Cashiel the black sharpies.

"Hi, I'm Dean."

The pregnant woman blushed but I could see the signs that she's about to faint. Nanginginig ang mga kamay nitong tinatanggap ang pakikipagkamay ni Dean at Cashiel. Tears welled up in her starstruck eyes.

"Your songs saved my life." Papahikbi na ang babae sabay sapo sa dibdib at lingon kay Cash.

"Ipapangalan ko po ang mga anak ko sa 'yo, Dean and Cornelius. Twins po." The woman's shirt hiked up to show her growing belly. Marahil ay doon niya gustong magpapirma maliban sa cd na hawak niya.

"What? Am I the father?" biro pa ni Dean at tumawa kasabay ng hagikhik ng babae.

She seems too young to gestate which kind of reminds me of Sue.

Yumukod si Dean sa lebel ng tiyan ng buntis. Kinagat niya ang takip ng sharpie upang tanggalin. Gamit ang isang daliri ay binaba nito ang clubmaster sa tungki ng kanyang ilong. Ngumunguya siya ng bubblegum habang nagpipirma sa tiyan at sa cd. His angled jaw moved as he chew.

He rewarded her a crooked smile. Nasalo na ng dalawang guards ang babae sa muntikan nitong pagkakatumba na tila mahihimatay.

Oh why am I not surprised by her reaction.

"Thank you po!" ani ng babae at pinunasan ang pamamasa ng pisngi.

"No, thank you."Dean hugged her and so as Cash. Mabilis lamang iyon dahil kailangan na naming lumabas. More people started to recognize the newly arrived icons.

A cacophony of screams boomed as we went out. Sa huli ay may nakaalerto pa rin na dito kami lalabas sa halip na sa arrival. It's not hard to tell where Dean and Cash are with the security personnel confining the two with their buff bodies.

Halos natilapon ako sa gulat sa biglang sumigaw na babae at nagtatatalon. God! I thought she was murdered! Tinuturo nito si Dean sa kasama sabay yugyog.

Nasa labas na ng van si Marcus na nakasuot ng white ballcap , naniningkit ang mga mata sa sikat ng araw. I caught a silhouette of Sky behind the tinted window. Mukhang kinakandong nito si Arrow.

Nilinga ni Dean ang mga tao at kinawayan bago siya pumasok sa van. The screams that followed sounds threatening for the whole airport to crash down. Nakakabingi.

Hinila ako ni Dean pagkapasok ko ata agad inakbayan. He placed me in between him and the window knowing it's my favorite spot. Nahagip ko ang tingin ni Sue. Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay at tumingin na sa harapan.

"You have a scheduled radio station visit this four o'clock. Doon ko na pinapunta iyong mga nag-abang sa airport kanina so no disappointment on both ends."

Nakikinig ako kay Marcus na humarap sa amin mula sa frontseat. May mga dinudugtong pa siya na mga plano para bukas. Mahimbing ang tulog ni Dean at halata ang sobrang pagod nito dahil nakahilig na ang ulo sa aking balikat.

"Para makapagpahinga na rin after, we'll do what's necessary for today so you could rehearse tomorrow before going to City di Mare and check the venue."

Lagpas oras bago kami nakarating sa Jagobiao kung saan ang studio building ng radio station. Dean exhorted for the absence of security as they really wanted to interact with their fans.

"A very good afternoon to our listeners! We have The Metaphoricals in the houuse...!"

Sumunod ang background sound na palakpak at sipol habang inaanunsiyo ito ng babae at chubby na DJ. She's one of our schoolmates way back in highschool.

I was outside the studio, kasama ang mga fans dala ang kanilang mga cd's, posters at mga band memorabilias. Through the speakers, I was able to know what's going on inside. The new album, inspirations, the possibility of a deluxe album, process of creating music are just some of the topics being asked by the DJ.

"I think I had it already too late to suggest that you listen to the songs in order of sequence since the whole album resembles a story narration. The Day was like our version of once upon a time in most romantic tales then the last song was the tragic ending. Imagine Shakespeare being in a rock band."

Umugog ang tawanan sa speakers na hindi ko na rin napigilang sabayan. The fans did the same. I don't know if they have the slightest idea of my identity—as Dean's P.A of course. Maybe not because none of them has approached me. Perhaps, I'm a fan for them so I acted like one.

"Yet for the most part,"Dean added, "this is yet the most vulnerable album that we've ever created. Our most sensitive baby."

To be honest, I haven't really listened to the whole stuff yet. Only those songs that they've set free to the airwaves preceding the album release.

"Excuse me, can I borrow..." Turo ko sa cd. "Naubusan kasi ako ng stock kaya hindi ako nakabili," dahilan ko sa isang tagahanga."

Kumpletos rekados ang datingan nito. From The Metaphoricals cap, shirt, necklace, wristband....hindi na nga ako magugulat kung pati underwear niya ay may logo na rin ng banda.

Ngiti niya itong inabot at ningitian din ako pabalik. I surrendered my back to the white wall and flipped the album to check its backcover.

Before I went into the full detail of the album, kalahati ng atensiyon ko ay nasa inaalay nilang pagtitig sa akin, like I'm some transferee in their school that they can't wait to interrogate in recess. Nang tinama ko ang kanilang tingin ay nag-unahan agad sila sa pag-iwas.

The full black background touched the essence of dark, haunting and vulnerable. With the scattering faint white dust particles makes this all the more visually nostalgic in its entirety. The billowing burgundy red scarf and the snow-white leafless branch depicts the image of loss and hollowed emptiness.

I don't understand the trail of emotions that followed seeing this image. Hindi ko ipagkakailang magaling ang kaibigan nilang puminta nito. Because even in its simpliest form of art, the painter was able to capture the emotion the band wanted to offer in this album which makes her a true artist.

Binaligtad ko ang cd at panibagong imahe ang bumungad. Still in all black setting, but with a lonely pure white rose this time that almost occupied the square.

Tracklist:

THE DAY

Brown world meets green paradise

Eye rolls and curses

Remember when it rained...?

I BECAME

It's okay to be afraid

Tacoma

Miss Seventeen

RUTHLESS

On my Skin

What I really mean is sorry

Lighthouse blues

I couldn't look away from it. I have this gut feeling that if I listen to this in order sequence like what Dean has suggested, mabubuod ko sa apatnapu't limang minuto lamang ang pinagdaanan niya sa nakaraang mga taon.

Seven years in just forty five minutes.

I'm afraid to hear his pain. I'm scared to know of his feelings on those years that were beautifully encapsulated through these songs. Pero kahit anong iwas natin ay lalapitan talaga tayo ng ating mga takot. And here I thought I have already moved on from my fears a long time ago.

Tipid ang ngiti kong binalik ang cd sa may-ari. I thought of buying the album. I always have a copy of their previous ones but this one's different. Tila ba'y hahatulan ako sa aking hangganan sa oras na marinig ko ang salita ng mga kanta.

The band stayed for whole thirty minutes. They performed acoustic versions of their two latest singles, promoted the album and their homecoming concert. Pakikipagkita sa mga fans ang sumunod na ilang minuto rin ang itinagal. They had a group photo together with the radio jocks, sandaling pirmahan at selfie bago kami tumulak sa hotel.

I texted my father en route informing him of my arrival. Samantalang hinatid ni Wilmer si Sue at Arrow pauwi at para na rin siguro maharap niya si dad bilang ama ni Arrow. I worry about how he's going to take the news. I should have went with them to calm my father just in case.

"You're still my P.A. You should be with me in the room."

Akmang susunod na ako kay Skye papasok sa kwarto kung saan kami ang magkasama nang marinig ko ito kay Dean sabay kagat ng kamay sa aking braso.

Kumunto ang noo ko sa kagustuhan niya. I caught his tightened hard features. No...we can't be.

"Oo nga, Ruth. I can replace you as Sky's roomate," makahulugang sabi ni Cashiel sabay baling ng ngisi kay Skylar. Kita ko ang paggapang ng pula sa mukha nito't umirap sabay alis sa sinandalang pintuan.

"Uy...papayag na iyan..." Cash teased followed by his entrance in our room.

Dean's looking at me intently, as if hypnotizing me to agree . Bago ko pa maisatinig ang hatol ay nilapitan na kami ni Marcus. Looking at him, I knew he's with me in this.

"Look, Dean. I know what's going on. Kahit wala tayo sa Manila ay may nakamanman pa rin sa iyo dito. Gossipmongers are not gonna stop snooping lalo't hindi ka pa nagsasalita. You think this news about your affair has died? Fuck no, bruh."

He directed his disapproving look on me like I am mostly responsible for this. Hindi ko naman itatanggi na may kinalaman nga ako. Wala talagang ibang solusyon dito kung 'di ang statement ni Dean.

It didn't take that much convincing from him. Hindi siya tumango ngunit nahihimigan kong sang ayon siya kay Marc. With his still tight expression, he sighed then dug something in the back pocket of his jeans.

"Here's my phone," aniya sabay abot ng cellphone.

Tinignan ko lang iyon, nagtataka.

"Why are you handing me your phone?" I looked up at him as I asked.

His lips curved downwards. Nagkibit siya saka ninguso ang cellphone. I remained as confused as I finally snatch it from his hand. Binuksan ko iyon at natagpuang bukas na ito sa kanyang instagram.

Wait, did he mean for me to see this?For what?

It's a picture perfect of him and Jaillin. In her sweetheart bodycon dress, parang gusto na nitong ilibing ang boobs sa braso ni Dean! She was kissing him in his cheek. Dean on the other hand seemed to be seducing the camera. Bahagya siyang nakayuko habang nakahalik ang labi nito sa bibig ng plastic cup na sigurado akong whiskey ang laman.

Kumuyom ang nanlalamig kong sikmura. Dean was tagged by Jaillin in her photo posted three hours ago. Umigting ang panga ko habang binabasa ang caption niya.

Already missing this gem. #mancrush #longdistancesucks

What the fuck? And it already has 80, 000 likes! Paniguradong nagsanib puwersa ang mga fans nila.

"Kailan 'to?" agad kong pang-iintriga. "And where was this?"

"That's a throwback photo taken last year. That was during one of our shows in Singapore and she was our guest."

Habang nagsasalita siya ay nagso-scroll na ako sa mga comments sa baba. Three hundred was quite a number, huh.

Load more comments...

Bagay talaga...so hot Dean!

I so ship JaiDean. Please come back to Singapore.

JaiDean yaasss!

JaiDean fan from Malaysia!

Selling your dream iphone here. Please followback.

Maganda siya but I heard she's retokada. Dean though...parang inaakit ako shet!

Guys hindi naman sila noong highschool e. May gf si Dean noon and it's not Jaillin. She's such a liar.

Trespassing na naman ang mga bashers na walang magawa. Kung hindi kayo fan wag kayong mag post dito! Mga inggitera! Nakiki-comment na nga lang kayo puno pa ng pangbaba-bash.

We're not bashing, we're just telling the truth. I'm not anti-JaiDean either. I am pro-truth.

Eh sa totoo naman talagang sinungaling iyang Jaillandi na iyan! Highschool sweetheart ni Dean noon ay iyong rumored gf niya ngayon! Kung ayaw niyong maniwala itanong niyo sa principal namin! Mga letse!

Umangat ang kilay ko sa nasa nabasa. Tinignan ko si Dean na mukhang nagtataka na si aking ginagawa.

"What?"

Umiling ako. "Wala."

Akmang isasara ko na ito ngunit isang partikular na komento ang umangkin sa aking atensiyon.

I agree with the previous comment. I'd been a schoolmate of both so I've witness how Dean was so in love with her girl in highschool in which he refers as "Miss Seventeen", the girl he offered a ring to and he almost married. It's not you Jaillin Lopez so please lang girl, I know you're well educated. Cum laude ka pa naman daw pero anong silbi ng talino mo kung binibilog mo naman ang ulo ng publiko? Your reputation has been long damaged for us who really knew the truth! You will have more of our respect if you'd own up to the public. Ikaw iyong nakasira ng relasyon and that speaks for something about you. Not your intelligence or your educational attainment.

"Ruth, what is it?"

Puno man ng hate ang huli kong nabasa, ang sama ko na nga siguro kung pinagaan nito ang loob ko. I like these people who sides with me and is with the same mindset as mine. At least there are a number of them out there who bravely fights for the what's true.

"I'm just looking at the pictures," I said, then exited the application. "Sige na. Take a rest."

Dean nodded slightly. "Goodnight."

The next day became the busiest and frustrating for some of us. Nagtalo pa ang magkapatid galing sa band rehearsal dahil sa nais ni Wilmer na palitan ang order ng setlist ngayon pang kakauwi lang namin sa hotel.

"We're going to fuck up the whole set Will!" protesta ni Sky na napaupo sa sofa. From lying and playing with her phone, she was suddenly in fright by his brother's insistence.

"But it I think it would sound better. Mabagal kasi, tapos susundan ulit ng slow song. Ruthless is upbeat slow so it should be preceded with a fast pace—

"Bakit hindi mo ito binanggit sa practice pa lang? Ngayon talaga, Will? The event's tomorrow! We're not going to fuck it up." Muling bagsak ni Sky sa couch.

This isn't my first time witnessing their band argument. Kung hindi naman si Cashiel ay si Wilmer ang nakakaaway ni Skyler. Never with Dean. I saw her mad respect to him. Minsan naman ay si Wilmer at Dean ang nagtatalo.

Nasa isang sulok si Dean at nalulunod sa pageeksperimento ng mga tunog sa sound pad, walang pakialam sa nag aaway which is the usual of him. Si Cashiel ay namumula na ang mata sa antok habang nakatunganga sa ginagawa ni Dean.

"Fine, okay?" si Wilmer na mukhang may takot sa nagpupuyos na kapatid. "It was just a suggestion, Sky. Chill," bahagyang tawa nito. "We're gonna rock it."

Enthusiasm welcomed the Saturday night with a blast in City di Mare event grounds. Hapon pa lang ay dagsa na ang mga tao. I caught several familiar faces, a group of people chanting the band's name, raised fan boards, at mga schoolmate ko noong highschool at college.

"Ruth! Hi..." A classmate in college with her nurse boyfriend. Ngumiti ako at kumaway.

Sa tagal ko silang hindi nakita ay nagmumukha na silang matanda sa paningin ko. They look almost unrecognizable not seeing them with their uniforms.

"Uy, friend!" A schoolmate and ex co-worker. "Nasa Chong hua ka pa nag-work? Hindi na kita nakikita roon."

"Matagal na akong nag-resign. I transferred in Manila. Ikaw?"

"Bumalik ako sa Convergy's."

Nakakausap ko ang iba sa kanila sa merch tent kung saan ako pumupuwesto kasama sina Patrick at Niccolo—the violinist of Neon Theone. Ilang minuto na lang ay magsisimula na ang show. Lingid sa kaalaman ng fans na may fireworks mamaya kasabay ang show-ender song.

"Ten! Nine..."

I pushed myself backstage upon hearing the countdown. Palakas nang palakas ang mga boses habang papalapit sa one. Screams boomed the whole venue after the last number was chanted. Sumabog agad ang pagda-drums ni Sky bilang panimula sa isang upbeat song. Halos hindi ko na marinig ang boses ni Dean sa lakas ng mga hiyawan.

He's donning a black floor length hell raiser coat looking all hot and gothic-ish with that stubble in his chin. Wala itong butones kaya kita ang matipuno niyang torso, v-line at tattoo. The collar was unfolded. May pulang bandana na nakapulupot sa kanyang ulo at ang usual niyang whiskey sa baso ay hawak niya sa isang kamay.

Seeing him in that look, triggered my heart to beat so madly fast.

"We're searching for something, just trying to make it happen...We listen
to no one, don't forget we won't forgive, They'll write a story of the lives we lived..."

Lumapit si Dean sa piano at tinugtog ang piano part ng kanta, adding a sweet undertone to the near hard core tune of the song. Simula pa lang ay may nakikita na akong nagca-crowd surfing sa dulo.

"I started as a casual fan to die hard real quick hearing their last album." Hindi ko mahanap ang boses na iyon but I guess she's one of the organizers. "But this, have me obsessong over them. Real artists. They sound so good live!"

Walang halong pagpapanggap ang hindi maawat kong ngiti. A fire of pride bursted in my chest. Parang ako iyong pinuri niya dahil sa panginginit ng pisngi ko. I could deep fry a chicken in my whole face!

"Dean! Ahh...!" sigaw ng mga nasa audience nang nag-isang hakbang siya pababa.

"He is slaying. He is the king..."

Tipid kong nilingon ang pinanggalingan ng panibagong boses. His voice reminded of Jude when flirting to boys.

Pinatong ni Dean ang paa sa isa sa mga amplifiers samantalang hawak ang stand ng microphone. Nang tinapat nito sa audience ay nakuha agad ang gusto niya. They voices chorused singing that part of the song, sabay angat ng kanilang mga fan boards.

"Siya ang responsable kung bakit palaging ubos ang baterya ng mga babae dito para sa kanilang mga vibrators. Because holy shit! Dean Ortigoza's voice is sex, dear." That guy again!

Sinundan nila ito ng malalanding tawanan.

Kung gaano kabilis ang pagngiti ko kanina ay siyang alisto rin ang ganti ng iritasyon. Burying this person alive sounds like a good idea. Who are they anyway? May talim ang paglingon ko sa kanila, ambag ng ilaw galing sa stage ang dahilan kung bakit naaninag ko ang mga mukha.

How dare they objectify my man! He's not a damn sex toy for pete's sake!

I didn't bother listen to them anymore and just enjoyed the performance. Effective naman dahil nakalimutan ko na agad ito. I tapped my feet, sing with the audience and Dean, at sumakay ako sa hiyawan sa pakitang gilas ng bass slides ni Wilmer. He may not be a fan of me, pero bilib ako sa kakayahan niya. He nailed that bass.

"I guess I don't have to introduce the next song about a girl at seventeen,"Dean raspily drawled into the mic. Hiyawan muli ang mga tao.

"Kilala ko iyan! Kilalang kilala ko!" sigaw ng isa sa mga audience. Naghari ang magaspang na tawa ni Dean habang 'di pa sinimulan ang intro, narinig ko ang ilang buntong hininga sa mga babae dahil doon.

The screams heightened as Sky hit the drumsticks thrice before beating.

Dean walked in the stage and the bottom of his coat danced with it. Uminom pa ito sa kanyang whiskey bago muling umawit.

It was a close two and a half hour show. Sa kalagitnaan ay may hinila si Dean na fan dahil birthday umano nito. She had a duet of him in one of their slow upbeat track.

Hindi na nagkakarinigan nang winakasan ang event ng fireworks. Tumulak na ako sa storage kung saan ang mga boxes ng merch upang idagdag dahil paniguradong dagsa ang bilihan ngayon.

Alam kong nasa backstage na ang banda dahil sa tawanan, mga yapak ng sapatos at dinig ang boses ni Dean na hinahanap ako. I stayed quite in the corner as I carried the box. Sana sumunod na dito si Niccolo upang tulungan ako.

"Metaphoricals!" A woman's voice.

The guys sounded so happy from that. Tili ni Sky and nagpaigting ng aking kuryosidad kaya hindi pa ako lumuwas ng merch tent. They seemed to be catching up with each other. So she's the one who made the album cover art.

Maramot ang mga hakbang kong lumapit. I just want to see her face and that's the weird thing about curiousity. Hindi natin alam kung bakit atat tayong malaman ang mga bagay.

"I know you have a thing on Ruthzielle. If I were you puntahan mo na ang PA mo doon sa merch stall,"anas ni Sky na siyang hindi ko inasahan.

"I told you she's just an obsessed fan!"

Saktong pagkasabi nito'y nagtama ang aming tingin. Dean look so horrified himself and I could spot his remorse. Bago ko pa matunghayan ang sumunod niyang reaksiyon ay natagpuan ko na ang sariling naglalakad palayo.

Nanuyo ang aking lalamunan. Inadjust ko ang box sa aking mga braso habang nakisiksik sa mga gustong pumila sa merch tent. Tila kay bagal ng abante ko't desperada na akong makaupo bago pa ako bumagsak dahil sa nanlalambot kong mga tuhod.

Hinihingal ako nang sa wakas ay bumagsak sa silya. Pinunas sa likod ng kamay ang namumuong pawis sa noo.Taimtim akong nangangapa ng katwiran upang mabawasan man lang ang kirot sa aking puso.

Hinahanap ko sa bawat sulok ang pag-unawa at konsiderasyon. Kung bakit ko tinanggi ang relasyon namin ni Dean noong isang araw at nanghingi pa ng pag intindi sa kanya, dapat lang na maintindihan ko rin ang sinabi niya kanina. So I have no right to be dramatic. I participated in this from the start. If I'm going to hate Dean for this then I got to also hate myself, too.

I finally came to a full understanding of his sentiment the other day. We cannot just judge people's resentment and force them to do things unless we have already felt how they feel. To understand is all we could do. I guess I should start practicing being thoughtful from now on after I got the hang of my patience.

"Indie!" rinig kong tawag ni Patrick habang inaabot ko ang items sa bumili.

Pagkaalis ng sa harapan ay bumungad sa paningin ko ang nakatitig na sa aking babae na may kakaibang blue ang kulay ng buhok.

I smiled at her because she looks familiar to me. Bumaling ako sa katabi niya at ang tibok ng pagkilala ay mas sumidhi pa.

"Jensen?" I think? I wasn't sure. I still couldn't identify who's who with his twin.

The guy chuckled. My heart's weirdly beating fast. Hindi ko maawat ang alalahanin na minsan ko siya naging secret crush noong highschool. Or iyon bang isang kambal niya?

"You're talking about the other one,"anito habang nakangisi pa rin.

"Oh sorry. Grozdan pala," paumanhin ko. See? I still can't identify them.

"Close kayo?" tanong ng babae. Hearing her voice made me conclude she's the woman in the backstage a while ago.Iyong sinabihan na Dean na fan lang ako.

"We went to the same university. Nakasama ko rin siya sa in-house review. Nag fuse ang sections namin."

"Oh! Nice meeting you Ruth." Napaatras ako nang yumukod siya at nilapit ang mukha sa gilid ng aking ulo. "Take care of Dean. Pagtiyagaan mo muna siya. Keep on obsessing with him." She winked and smiled at me.

Sa ginawa niya ay tila gustong gusto niya ako para sa kanyang kaibigan at siya na ang nag-organisa ng kasal namin. Uminit ang pisngi ko sa biglang naisip. Nagpaalam na sila at pinanood kong naglalakad palayo, hindi bumibitaw sa akin ang kanyang ibinulong. "

"Whooh, kulang iyong stocks natin. Ilan ba ang dinala ni Ren?" tanong ni Patrick habang si Niccolo sa kanan ko ay abala sa phone.

"Check ko sa backstage, baka may natira pa,"sabi ko sabay tayo.

"Call me if there are more than one boxes so I could help you carry them."

Tumango ako at umalis na.

Mas abala ang backstage ngayon kesa kanina dahil sa pagliligpit ng mga instrumento at paghahanda sa meet and greet. The band would be restless for the rest of the hours for the after party in Will and Sky's house.

Hinawi ko ang kurtina na naghihiwalay sa main backstage at dito sa kung saan nilalagay ang mga spare na kagamitan at stocks. Agad naghari ang dilim at lamig. The steel ladder couple has a company of boxes. May tinadyakan ako isa na mukhang walang laman. Tumama ito sa bakal na hagdanan.

Ilang sandali akong nag-check ng mga boxes at wala na talagang stock. I should have made Ren order three hundred more. Mas kaaya-aya talaga kapag may sobra kesa may kulang.

I was about to walk myself out when the curtain dramatically opened. Sa inaalay na liwanag mula sa labas ay nakuha kong aninagin si Dean bago muling nagsara ang kurtina. I was confused on what my heart skipping is for. From the shock, from his sudden intrusion or from seeing his menacing glare that was beyond me.

Tila ba may atraso ako sa kanya kahit na siya naman 'tong nagsabi na obsessed fan lamang ako. I suddenly remember how I acted a month ago just to be able to talk to him but that was one time!

"D-Dean...bakit ka nandito? Y-you should be in the stage..."

Bigo akong mapanatiling kalma ang sarili. Pati mga salita ko'y hindi magkamayaw sa kaba habang umaatras dahil panay siyang umaabante! I could hardly see what's awaiting for my back because of the entire darkness.

Namamalik mata lang ba ako? Si Dean ba iyong naaninag ko kanina o baka napagkamalan ko lang? I could feel his advances because of the body heat and audible fiery breathings. I'm growing frustrated!

"Dean...i-ikaw ba iyan?" Ngayon ay hindi na ako sigurado. Huminto ako nang may tinamaan na ang aking likod. My back felt cold but hot in my front body.

"It's me."

Shivers crawled from my tips to every nerve endings. Tumindig ang balahibo kong marinig ang gaspang sa kanyang boses na dinisenyuhan ng amoy beer niyang hininga.

I groaned, not from disappointment but from worry.

"Dean...you're drunk? Haven't you had enough with your whiskey at nag-beer ka pa?"

"I'm not drunk," he drawled. I heard his boots stepped closer until I felt it touch the tip of my flat sandals.

Huminga ako nang malalim, hindi lang isa kung 'di maraming malalim na hininga dahil ramdam ko na talaga ang lapit niya. Sweat started to form because of our proximity without having to need for the light to see that we are indeed, closer in the dark and in secrecy.

The punching of my heart in its cage and my loud respiration are defeaning. It only doubled when the heat of his palm went inside my shirt to meet the anticipation of my skin. Napapikit ako nang mariin sa pag alon ng aking sikmura.

"Dean..." I breathed softly, as if his name is made of a rare kind of chocolate that you'd moan for its sweetness once you get to taste it.

Dean placed his lips in my left ear. He breathed in the scent of my hair. The action parted my lips just to find myself breathing rightly.

"You heard me a while ago...I'm sorry. It won't happen again, I promise. Explaining is useless so I won't do it."

Dumilat ako at inalala ang kanina. I willed myself not to be reminded of my initial reaction only to carry on with that right here and now.

Before I could pronounce an 'Okay', I felt his other hand slid inside of my skirt this time, habang ang isa'y hinahaplos na ang aking likod sa malambing at nanunuyang paraan at tila nagpapahinahon kahit wala na akong matagpuang kakalmahan!

Fuck.

"This must be your favorite skirt. A denim A-line?" he asked playfully. Right, ilang beses na niya akong nakitang suot ito. I have four pairs.

"What are you doing?" I still asked, even the idea has already been presented by his hand that travelled up to my most intimate part. My toes curled.

He tickled my jaw with his lips as he erotically whispered, "Apologizing."

Oh. Ganito na pala humingi ng tawad ngayon? O siya lang ang ganito?

Suminghap ako nang diniin niya ang sarili sa akin. With his hard body against mine, I have to prioritize my breathing patterns. Ngunit nawala na ang pag aalala ko roon dahil sa kamay niyang lumipat ang haplos sa 'king tiyan. Like the other hand, it also aimed up to that intimate part.

I looked up as if asking God for mercy for this torture when I felt his thumb pressing on my peak. Gigil kong nakagat ang labi ko upang pigilan ang umaambang tinig sa aking lalamunan. But it was impossible to hold it when...

"Dean..."

Without so much as a warning, he pulled down the cloth underneath my skirt and stabbed a finger in my channel. I loudly gasped and pressed the back of my head deeper in the wall, suppresing a moan. His two fingers are fondling on my pebble. Hindi ko namalayang naibaba na rin niya ang brassiere ko upang magawa iyon.

Wala na akong oras na mabigla sa kanyang ginawa dahil inaangkin na ako ng kuryente at ligaya.

I fet his hips gyrate, in synch with his finger thrusting in my core. Ipitin ko man ang mga binti ko ay mas mararamdaman ko lang ang paggalaw ng kanyang daliri lalo na nang dinagdagan pa niya ng isa!

I cannot believe this is happening. The more I can't believe myself submitting! Matindi ang kapit ko sa braso ni Dean habang naiiyak na at kagat ko ang hubad niyang balikat. I've never been in this before, but a big fat thank you to instinct, I willingly grinded on his aggressive fingers.

"Dean..."Umaalog ang boses ko dahil sa binilisan kong galaw. Dumiin ang kagat ko sa kanyang balikat.

"Ssh...hold your moans, Ruth." He chuckled, doing his own fast pace.

"I...ah..."

His burning kisses are tracing flames down from my lips, jaw, neck...and collar bones. Ramdam ko ang tagaktak ng pawis ko sa gilid ng aking mukha, dibdib at likod. Dumudulas na rin ang kamay ko sa braso ni Dean dahil na sa pamamasa nito.

I gasped when I felt myself being almost there. Ngunit nairita ako at frustrated nang biglang inalis ni Dean ang daliri niya at mabilis lumuhod.

"W-what—"

Before I could finish asking, he pushed my skirt up and pulled my underwear down.

I sucked in a deep breath only to cry an utmost pleasure when his hot tongue stabbed to where his fingers were a while ago. I felt him suck the most sensitive part seated just above my entrance.

"Dea—Ahh! Shit!"

I tightly grabbed his hair and pulled him closer. Paulit-ulit niyang ginagawa iyon na halos mapaluhod na ako sa panginginig ng aking mga tuhod. His groaned vibrated in my skin and it made me thrust in his mouth even faster.

"Oh my God..." I cried when Dean's fingers made a comeback in my hungry core. Umiinit na ang buong katawan ko habang nararamdaman ang papalapit na alon.

"Ah, Dean!"

He groaned in return as he continued sucking and thrusting while I convulsed with the delicious hard release rippling through me.

Bago pa ako magpakawala ng panibagong iyak ay pinigil na ng halik niyang umangkin sa aking labi at hapit sa baywang nang kamuntikan na akong bumagsak sa sahig. I cupped his face and equalled his aggressive kisses despite my exhaustion and weak bones.

We're in the backstage, at kahit anong oras ay pwedeng may pumasok at mahuli kami. That thought almost threw me in a panic attack kaya agad akong bumitaw.

Walang nagsasalita habang inaayos niya ang aking damit.Wala siyang dapat ayusin sa kanya dahil topless ulit siya. My mouth felt dry from the crying I made which bothered me. Baka may nakarinig sa akin. I'm aware that I was being loud.

I acted normally when we went out. Dapat lang ganoon dahil iritadong Marcus ang sumalubong sa amin.

"Saan ka ba galing? You know that we cannot start the M&G without you!"

Galing sa likod ay tumabi sa akin si Dean kasabay ang hapit ng braso niya sa baywang ko. I gulped. Mukhang sa galaw niyang ito'y matutukoy ni Marcus ang lihim namin. The manager followed Dean's arm on mine.

"Kumain."

Sunog na yata ang mukha ko sa sobrang pag aalab nito. The tingles in between my legs never left, lalo na nang maalala ko ang ginawa niya.

Bilugang mga mata kong nilingon si Dean na may tunog na sinipsip ang daliri sa kanyang bibig. Those two fngers... He licked his lips after and bit the bottom lip infront of me. I shivered by just that.

Damn it, Ortigoza!

"Ikaw? Ba't pulang pula ang pisngi mo?" Buga ng iritasyon sa akin ni Marcus.

"Cheek tint," mabilis kong sagot.

Dean silently chuckled beside me. Humigpit ang kamay niya sa aking baywang.

Umiling si Marcus. "Balik ka na nga doon. This should have started fifteen minutes ago."

"Yes, boss."

Pagkaalis ni Marcus ay hindi sumunod si Dean. I glared at him but he only provided me his smirk, tila ba inaasar ako sa kaingayan ko kanina.

"Am I forgiven?" he playfully asked.

I only glared at him. Sa backstage pa talaga, Dean?

"Apology 2.0. Dapat ganon ka rin humingi ng tawad sa akin, Ruthzielle." He chuckled some more and with meaning. Na para bang hindi pa iyon ang magiging una at huli.