Hindi ko na mabilang kung nakailang balik ako na nagpalakad lakad sa harap ng pinto. Biting my nails, I couldn't stay still. Naiwan ko ang phone sa loob kaya wala akong matawagan. Kung manghihiram naman ako ng keycard sa reception, I doubt they'd let me. Jillian has the other one.

I went back to how I have hurt her which was seriously bad. With the thought of Dean making it worse...I don't want to see him turning out to be that kind of man.

Wala sa sariling nagbukas sara ang aking kamay. I was trying to feel the ghost of assault I've just inflicted. Aking hinawi ang alon ng pagsisisi sa ginawa. I admit that anger and temper altogether beat my rationality. But could I justify what I've done by saying that it was purely to defend myself?

Hindi ko ituturing na mababaw ang rason ni Jillian sa pananakit sa akin. The love she feels for Dean may have already went that deep, and I cannot judge her for that. Anyone would kill for the four letter affection.

Iintindihin ko siya sa bagay na iyon. Because like her, I would also hurt anyone for Dean. I guess I already did.

Mahihinang hikbi na naririnig ko at pagmamakaawa. Not hearing anything from Dean inflated my worry.

"Dean!"

Kung ano man ang ginagawa niya sa dalawa ay sinusubukan kong pigilan sa panay na pagkatok at abuso sa doorbell.

"Edgar! Curtis!" Although I'm not sure if at least one of them would pay heed. Those two are slaves for Dean!

Umatras ako sa narinig na mga yapak mula sa loob. Hindi ko alam kung bakit duguan na Jillian ang inaasahan kong bubungad sa akin. I don't want to think of Dean capable of that especially to a woman.

But the door opened to show neither blood nor bruise in her face. Bloodshot eyes and tear-stained cheeks told me that a while ago wasn't that bad compared to how she looks right now. Tila ba buong mundo niya ang gumuho. I could tell that the emotional trauma have played a part on her.

Sumisinghot siya, parang hinihingan ako ng tulong ngunit wala akong nakikitaang pagsisisi. She was just so...lost and broken.

"And I think you forgot something, Jillian." Dean's voice thundered not too far behind her.

I heard her tiny gasp before she slowly turned to him. Walang espasyo ang kahit anong pagbibiro sa paninitig nito sa kanya. He looks dangerous to me now.

"You don't want me to accuse you of theft for stealing something that isn't yours," dagdag nito sa malumanay ngunit mapanganib na tinig.

"Wala akong kinuha..." Jillian's voice shook, hindi matapos ang salita ay umiling na lang siya.

"How about the ring? It doesn't belong to your finger. It's never yours, Jillian."

Hindi nito halos maiangat ang kamay habang tinignan sa huling sandali ang singsing na inangkin niya. Devastated was the right word to describe in all her entirety when she took it off in between her trembling hands.

Nahihirapan na siya sa paghinga. Nahigit ko ang akin sa pagaakalang babagsak siya sa sahig. Lalo lamang akong nalito sa kung ano ang ginawa ni Dean sa kanya upang mawasak siya nang ganito.

"You tell the public what they should know. If you won't..." Dean chuckled darkly, "Well you don't really want me to do it, Jill."

Nilagay niya ang singsing sa kalapit na table at saka umiiyak na tumakbo palabas. Nakatakip ang bibig ngunit nakatakas pa rin ang hagulhol.

Kesa sundan siya ng tingin ay pumasok ako. Dean gathered me into his arms rightaway.

"Anong ginawa mo?"

Sa narinig na hikbi ay hindi ko na nahintay ang sagot niya. I turned to that sound only to see the woman with her head down, clutching tightly on her Hermes satchel.

I felt Dean's hands held mine as if to assure.

"You two need to talk," Dean whispered against my temple. "I'm sorry I have to do this...But I'll be here, Ruth. Hindi ako aalis..."

Nanghina ako nang unti-unti siyang kumakalas. Alam kong ito ang dapat mangyari ngunit hindi ko yata kaya na harapin 'to mag-isa. I feel weak all over, void of any valor that probably have already drained a while ago.

"Dean..."

His face soften while staring at me. Tumalim iyon nang binalingan muli ang babae sa harapan, tila hinihipnotismo itong mapahamak at pasunurin sa isang tingin lang.

Para siyang naiiyak habang tinitignan si Dean. Hindi nakayanan ang karubduban nito ay bumaling siya sa akin ngunit may pag-aalinlangan.

All my life, I've only treated this as an imagination. Na tignan niya ako nang ganito diretso sa mata at makita ang hinahangad kong pagkilala. I took advantage of this moment to earn a spark of emotion from her as she held her tear-filled gaze at me.

I was thinking if I was ever ready for this, o matagal ko na talagang tanggap kaya hindi ko na inasahan. 'Cause most times as we begin to accept the things that arise beyond our control, we stop hoping, too.

"Ruth..."

Tumalon ang puso ko sa banggit niya ng aking pangalan. I haven't heard that in...beyond a decade.

Sa kanyang paghakbang muli palapit ay binalingan ko si Dean. I don't know why I suddenly panicked. Parang lawin itong nakatutok sa bawat galaw ng ginang sa harap ko habang nakahalukiphip.

"I think...forgiveness would take time to make it into your heart. Sa nagawa ko, sa lahat..." panimula niya at doon pa lang ay hirap na ito sa pagsasalita.

Nanatili akong tahimik. Kung ano man ang sasabihin niya ay gusto kong marinig lahat kahit hindi na magiging importante sa akin. Maybe, just maybe...I would find something from her reasons for me to grant her the forgiveness at a moment's notice.

Sinusundan ko ng tingin ang kamay niyang unti-unting inaabot ang aking kamay. I stopped breathing for a while but I let her hold my hand. Hindi siya makatingin sa akin. She pulled her lips, and I watch her swallow before she resumed.

"Highschool kami ng daddy mo nang magkakilala kami..."

Hindi ko alam kung bakit napabaling agad ako kay Dean dito. He was staring at me intently, as if he was also thinking the same thing. Which I'm sure he does.

"Naging kami noon. But parted our ways when I decided to study college abroad. Doon ko nakilala ang asawa ko."

She paused for a while. Huminga siya nang malalim at hinahayaan ko pa rin siyang hawakan ang kamay ko. Her cold hands a while ago are warm now, soft and is holding mine tightly. Tila ba ay nahihirapan siyang sabihin ang mga kasunod.

"Nobody knew that I got married. Not even my family. Bumalik ako sa bansa na kasal na. But we got married again in the church that time we went back. Then I met your father...again. Sa mga panahong iyon, may alitan kami ng aking asawa.I sought comfort from an old flame and things happened. I stayed, we played house...at parang nakalimutan ko ang nilayuang responsibilidad. It took me years to finally acknowledge my mistake dahil sa mga panahong kasama ko ang daddy mo, I just seem to forget everything. It was like being in our joyous youth once again...."

Pumatak ang luha niya nang nag angat ng tingin sa akin. It was like staring at the mirror. I look like her when she cries.

"But we're old, and I'm married. And I lied to him. He loved me so much that he believed every word I said."

Binawi ko ang isang kamay upang itakip sa aking bibig, iniiwasang magkatunog ang aking hikbi.

"Kinamuhian niya ako nang husto noong sinabi ko ang totoo. N-na...kasal ako sa iba," nagiba ang kanyang tinig. "He asked me to not see him again. Not even you, Ruthzielle...natatakot na rin akong bumalik especially when my husband followed me here. Sa tuwing wala ako sa bahay ay siya ang kasama ko. We conceived a child..."

Umiling ako. Not just a child!

"Jillian and Sue are twins. Bakit na sa 'min si Sue? Bakit mo siya pinamigay!" mariin kong paratang.

"Natakot ako..." hikbi niya, humigpit ang hawak sa aking kamay. "My husband strictly wanted one daughter so I had to sacrifice the other one away. Alam ko ang naging pagkakamali ko at ayaw kong dumagdag pa iyon sa mga rason na hiwalayan niya ako. That's when I told your father the truth. And even for that last time, he still did me a favor. He's willing to adopt..."

Malalim na hininga ang hinugot nito bago humikbi. I let her cry, I let her regret it. I let her realize everything more than how she did years ago as I only watch her and not do anything to comfort her.

Sa kabila nito'y naisip ko kung paano kapag nanatili si Sue sa pamilyang iyon. As selfish as Mrs.Lopez's reason was, I was still thankful or Sue would have been treated unwanted by a family who was a stickler for a two-child policy. Siguro hindi siya mapapahalagahan doon.

"Alam ko...isang makasariling desisiyon ang aking ginawa. I know there's no excuse in what I did and even a sorry would still not make it near to being enough."

Tahimik akong sumang ayon. Pinagpapawisan ang kamay kong hawak pa rin niya. At least with this, nagawa ko pa rin ito bilang respeto sa kanya kung hindi ko man maihandog ang pagpapatawad ko.

"Masama na siguro akong tao noong hiniling ko na sana ikaw..." malalim ang aking pagsinghap. Hot tears filled my eyes as I looked back on that day I almost lost one of the few ones I needed during our dark days.

"...N-na sana ikaw iyong nakakita sa kanya...in her room alone, holding a knife, ready to end her own life." Nanginig ang aking boses.

Namilog ang luhaan niyang mga mata nang tagpuin ang aking tingin. Maliit na daing ang tumakas sa kanyang lalamunan.

"She got pregnant at fifteen, failed her grades, lost her friends, at ang kinikilala niyang ama ay nag-aagaw buhay! You should have been there! You should have seen her!" gigil ko siyang tinuturo.

Kinurap ko ang panlalabo ng aking mga mata dahil sa luha. Gusto kong maramdaman niya kung gaano ako nasaktan nang inaakalang wala na akong madadatnang kapatid. For years that my sister felt alone, I became her bestfriend. And I felt the same. Kami ang nagdamayan sa mga panahong iyon. But would she even care if she never, not even once, came back for any one of us?

"Kahit siya na lang ang binalikan mo. Kahit hindi na ako! Kahit hindi na si daddy! Kahit si Sue na lang sana...kasi matagal ko nang sinukuan ang pag-asa na kilalanin mo ako at hindi ituring na isang pagkakamali lang! Iyong walang pandidiri sa tuwing nakikita mo ako dahil pinapaalalahanan ka nito kung gaano mo lubos na pinagsisihan ang pagtataksil sa asawa mo!"

Sumasakit ang aking lalamunan sa pagpigil ng iyak. Pinapangunahan ng hikbi kaya tila nabubulunan sa bawat subok na magsalita.

"Pero nasaan ka...?" Lungkot at pagsuko ang lumabas sa nabasag kong boses imbes na galit at panunumbat.

Tinakpan ko muli ang aking bibig sa pumakawala niyang iyak kasabay ang pagluhod niya sa aking harapan. Umiling ako, gigil na pinigilan ang iyak ngunit nasa dulo na ako ng aking limitasyon. One more word from her, I'd go into a breakdown.

"I'm done hoping Mrs. Lopez. And as much as you don't want me as a daughter, same goes to how I will never call you my mother. Dahil kung tinuring mo akong anak, hindi mo ako magagawang saktan. You would want me to be happy with the love of my life but..."

Hindi na ako halos makahinga. And in a sob I cried loudly, "You broke my heart!"

Mabilis kong tinakpan ang aking mukha at binaon ang hagulhol. Ramdam ko ang sakit ng aking balikat sa labis nitong panginginig. Mga iyak namin ang nanaig sa kwarto.

I felt a warm embrace enveloped around me. Umikot ako at inalay ang buong bigat kay Dean. Nanghihina ay umiyak ako sa kanyang dibdib.

We all want to be wanted. Everybody longs to love and be loved. Nobody wishes to be not needed. Hindi buong atensiyon niya ang hiniling ko. I grew up feeling unwanted by her until she acted on it and walked away. Since then, as a young me, I started hating people who have their mothers. I started hating people who had things that I could never, and would never have.

It took me a while to calm down. Not totally, dahil nanatili pa rin ang hikbi. Pinunasan ko ang basa kong mukha bago muli siyang hinarap.

"You and your daughter both plotted my heartbreak...na parang kaaway ang turing mo sa akin sa halip na kadugo mo! Ayos na sa akin na siya ang piliin mo. Tanggap ko iyon! Pero ang ilayo at siraan ako sa taong mahal ko..." Umiling ako, walang maidugtong, walang mailarawan sa nararamdamang sakit at pagpiga ng aking puso.

"I'm sorry... " she cried. Isang kamay ko ang nakapa niya't kinuha upang paigtingin ang panghihingi ng tawad.

"She likes him so much back then, at kita ko kung paano niya hinahangaan si Dean. She told me to do something about it, for the marriage to not happen. Sa sinubok kong bumawi sa ginawang pagkakamali noon, I wanted to do everything in my might to make her happy. And I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Ruth because... I chose to break you. I'm sorry..."

Sinikop ni Dean ang aking ulo at tinago sa kanyang dibdib upang doon makaiyak muli. 'Cause we both knew, if he had not done it, the loudest and most heartbreaking cry would echo in this room.

I won't even ask her to choose. I've never asked anyone to choose for I'll aways make sure that they won't have any other choice but me alone. Kung alam ko naman na hindi ako ang pipiliin hindi ko na ipipilit ang sarili ko. What I only ask for is just a minute affection but she never gave any for me.

Kinakalma ko ang sarili. Tinulungan ako ni Dean na punasan ang aking mga luha. I could tell how puffy my eyes are from the pain and heat I've felt around it.

I finally found my courage to face her again.Umiling ako at bumaling sa ibang direksiyon. The waterworks were at it again.

"I don't know...I want to forgive you so much..." Kahit hindi na humihkbi ay panay pa rin ang bagsak ng mga luha. "Pero hindi pa ngayon..."

Tumango siya at dahan-dahang tumayo. Noong humakbang siya palapit ay umatras ako. But Dean held my elbow to stop me.

Nagpo-protesta ako sa aking isip nang binalingan siya. His face is serious, and his eyes and jaw told me to brave it out.

Nakuyom ko ang aking kamao sa gilid nang binalot ako ng yakap. For a while, I froze. Almost not beliveing it.

Hangga't sa hindi ko nakayanan. Pumikit ako nang mariin at sinamantala ang pagkakataon kahit hindi pa buo ang pagpapatawad sa kanya. Muli ang pagbaha ng aking luha.

Matagal kong inasam na mayakap ang totoong ina. Sa kabila ng pagkukulang nito, sa pagkakamali, sa huli, mauuwi pa rin ako sa pangungulila sa kanya. No matter what happens, amidst every storms, a single show of affection from a family calls for home. The rush of blood in my veins recognized her as my mother.

"There's one last thing that I want to ask..." sabi ko nang siya'y magbitaw.

"What is it?"

I stared longer at her misty hopefulness. Kahit ano pa ang malaman ko, kakayanin ko.

"Niisang pagkakataon ba, ginusto mong maging anak ako?"

Natigilan siya sa aking sinabi. Nilunok ko nagbara sa aking lalamunan saka nagpatuloy.

"Minahal mo ba ako...kahit kaunti...?" muli ang pangangatal ng aking boses.

Unshed tears quivered in her eyes as she stares at me for so long. Tila kinikilatis pa sa sarili ang totoong damdamin.

Every beat of the second is an anticipation. Tahimik ang paligid ngunit nag iingay ang aking pag-asa. Kahit iyon na lang, makukuntento ako. Sa hinahangad kong sagot, kahit iyon na lang, masasabi kong hindi ako nagsayang ng kahilingan at pag-aasa.

Pero nang mapagpaumanhin niyang inipit ang labi at yumuko, no need for her to speak. In that alone I knew and I felt nothing. Siguro ay dahil ubos na ang sakit na naibuhos ko'y namamanhid na lang ako.

And to further confirm what she's offered as an answer, she grabbed her satchel and silently walked away from us.

Tumango ako, I expected this. Pero kalaunan ay nanginig rin ang aking mga balikat.

And once again, I turned to Dean like it has always been. After the door has closed in almost a whisper, I sobbed loudly in Dean's chest. With one hand at the back of my head and around my waist was the other, ang higpit ng yakap niya ang nagpaiyak sa akin nang husto.

I'm okay with this now. Because closure for me is to know the truth that she never really wanted me. She had no plans of making it up for me.

Mahigpit akong yumakap sa baywang ni Dean nang mapagtanto ang mga ito.

"Shh..." Kinulong ni Dean ang aking ulo sa mga kamay niya at hinalikan ang aking luha.

His eyes are moist, too, as if he also wanted to cry with me. Nilalambing ng mga hinlalaki niya ang aking pisngi. Sumisinghot pa rin ako. Halos hindi ko na maidilat ang mga mata sa panghahapdi.

So I just close my eyes and think...Here, is the man I love.

"Thank you..."I whispered. Kinuwadro ko ang mukha niya at dinampian siya ng halik sa labi.

He sighed in contentment then felt his lips move slightly. Dinikit niya ang kanyang noo sa akin.

"You okay...?" malambing niyang tanong. His minty hot breath earned shivers. He slightly rubbed his sharp aquiline nose on mine.

Marahan akong tumango. Ilang sandali ang aking pinalipas pagkatapos kong makalma. Nabuhos ko sa pang isahang iyak ang lahat na kinimkim ng ilang taon.

I felt lighter now. Masakit man ang nalaman ay at least ngayon, I can already stop worrying about hoping for something that would never come.

"How did it happen Dean?" gumaralgal ang aking boses kaya tumikhim ako. "Bakit nagawa niya akong itext gamit ang phone mo?"

Ramdam ko ang buga niya ng hangin kahit anong lihim niya rito. Sa tingin ko inasahan niyang kakalimtan ko na 'to pero hindi. He adjusted the placement of his forehead on mine.

"I know you wouldn't go with me so I went to her alone. After all, she's still your mother. So out of respect, I told her that I'm going to marry you..."

Naatras ko ang aking ulo upang makita siyang mabuti. He did what?!

"But I guess it was wrong going there. It doesn't matter now anyway, does it?"

Hindi na nga. Blaming and the should have beens are pointless now but...he really did that?

"She borrowed your phone?" Nakulong pa ang boses ko sa kataas-taasan.

Tumango siya. "As how I remembered it, she borrowed my phone to send her husband a message not knowing that she was already in for something."

"How about Jillian?" I asked. Alam niya tungkol saan ang tinutukoy ko. "How did you give the ring to her?"

He made a face, tila nandidiri sa sinabi ko.

"I didn't give it to her. As I've said, she just took the bait. I made as if I'm paying her a visit." Umangat ang kilay niya at inipit ang labi. " Sorry, I didn't tell you. It was part of it. I put the ring in her bedside table."

"You've been in her room?" Nanliit ang mga mata ko.The scream of the green-eyed monster was defeaning my hearing sense.

Ngumuso siya. He's drowning in amusement now. Mas nairita ako! If only amusement is an ocean, aba'y magpakalunod siya sa aliw hanggang sa malagutan!

"Yes..."

I pulled my hands from him only to cross them against my chest. Umiwas ako ng tingin sa kanya, hindi maintindihan ang biglaang buhos ng inis.

Malalim na suminghap si Dean na hindi pinapakawalan ng aliw, tila ba ay alam niya ang saloobin ko at pinapatuka nito ang kanyang kaligayahan.

Marahang tumawa ay kinalas niya ang aking halukiphip. Hawak ang aking braso'y hinila niya ako palapit sa kanya. In only one pull, he succeeded like I am made of feather.

"I've only been in her room once and that is just to put the ring in her bedside. How would I be able to overstay if I was cuddling you that night, Ruth?" Nag-angat siya ng kilay, pinapaalala pa sa akin.

Uminit ang aking pisngi nang magtagumpay siya. Right, he wouldn't be able to do that.

"At ganon lang? You knew she's going to wear it and post it on social media?"

His mouth curved downwards, relax siyang nagkibit. "She's predictable like that."

I remained silent for a while contemplating on the questions surrounding my head. Nalilito pa rin ako.

"Why bother making it seem like you proposed when you even want to announce that you're not in a relationship with her? At bakit siya ang pinapaharap mo sa publiko tungkol sa inyo? That all along, there was no JaiDean. Or, was there..."

Singhap ang naidugtong ko nang bigla niyang hinawakan ang aking pwitan at ako'y inangat. Stunned, my upper and lower limbs quickly wrapped around his neck and waist.

He dropped on the couch with me straddling him. Wala man kaming ginagawa kung 'di mag-usap lang ay may naramdaman akong reaksyon sa baba. It's useless to deny when Dean's aware of it, too. And I don't understand how he was able to still act so calm with his rigid masculinity digging a hole in my lower gut!

Kagaya niya ay sinubukan ko na ring umakto ng normal at kalmado. Marami pa kaming pag-uusapan.

But then, I felt proud that I caused that reaction from him. Pati iyon ay nilihim ko.

Ang mga kamay niya sa baywang ko ay pinirmi ako sa kanyang kandungan. I could sense his security on me by the way he grips on my waist. Napatuwid ako nang upo.

"Wala akong intensiyon na papaniwalain siya, Ruth. But upon holding on it, that's the moment she assumed. It wouldn't happen had she not taken the ring," aniya at may lambing na hinawi ang harang na hibla sa aking mukha. " Let's say I did the same to you, would you have thought that the ring was yours? Would you have taken it?" paghahamon niya.

Umiling ako. "Not right away, and I wouldn't take and wear it."

"Exactly. So it's not really my fault. She put herself in that situation and would have her share of the embarassement once she does what I made her do."

Nagliwaliw ang mga mata ko sa kanyang mukha. I couldn't almost believe he'd fool anyone just for that person's humiliation. Kung nagawa nga niya ito kay Jillian ay ibig sabihin...

"Tell me, Dean. Are you just playing with her feelings?" May pang-aakusa agad sa aking tono.

His head was slightly bowed down while looking at me with innocently. Nothing is innocent about Dean! Kaya hindi niya ako makukumbinse sa tingin na iyan.

"Why...?" I adjusted my position as I asked, which I realized was a wrong move. Malalim siyang suminghap kasabay ang paghigpit ng kamay niya sa aking baywang.

"May ginawa ba siya sa 'yo? Jillian likes...no, she's in love with you! So I don't think she'd go as far as to do things that would put you at risk."

"They hurt the woman I love. She and her mother hurt you, Ruth..."

Even with the sound of his anger and determination, what he said still melted my heart. And the worry and vulnerability in his sharp eyes made me love him even more.

Nanghina ako, ngunit kinaya kong angatin ang mga kamay. I jailed his head with my hands.

"Dean..." malumanay kong binagsak ang aking noo sa kanya. "You love me..."

"I never stopped..." he whispered breathlessly.

Pumikit ako nang mariin at ginawaran siya ng halik. He answered in same depth and eagerness. I felt his hand grazed under my shirt and caressed the skin of my waist and back.I pushed my body closer to him.

When other girls admired his rasp, carnality and rock and roll, I fell for his passion and being unafraid to show his fragile sides. It could have been anyone, any girls waiting in the sidelines. But after all these years, he never considered any choices but me alone. This is how I fell even deeper. Hindi ko na ito papakawalan. He's mine. If I am this crazy and selfish being in love with him, I can only imagine how would I be if I lose him. I'd go batshit mad. I'm gonna lose my mind. I don't think I would be able to make it long in viability.

Because maybe all along, the dream that he made me realize was to be loved the way I wanted to. Na walang dapat pagpipilian dahil para sa kanya ay tanging ako lang. And I will only live for a love like this. A love...from the one and only Dean Cornelius Ortigoza.

He hissed when he pulled himself. Kumukurap pa ako at halos hindi maka-focus sa kanyang mukha dahil nalalasing pa sa halik. I slid my tongue on my lips so I could still taste him.

Ang isang kamay niya ay hinahaplos ang aking batok na siyang kinikiliti ako. Namumungay ang kanyang mga mata.

"At the middle of my hate towards you, I avenged for you, Ruth. I want to hate everyone who has made you believe in the things that you are not supposed to. Your fears, your doubts..."

Nanatiling komportable ang nalilito kong tingin sa kanya. Kirot ang tumutugis sa aking puso sa narinig na pamamaos ng kanyang boses.

"You have no idea how she talked about you while I was pretending to like her. No one talks ill about someone without an intention of wishing them the worst of their lucks. So I told myself that I am going to break their hearts. The daughter cries, the mother hurts more...that was the plan."

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Lahat ay tila huminto kabilang na ang kamay kong humahaplos sa kanyang batok. Napatitig ako sa kanya sa mangha at gulat habang siya'y napaka determinado, na para bang gagawin niya lahat mawasak lang silang lahat na mga nanakit sa akin at iyong mga may balak.

With a worried vulnerable face, he closed his eyes and planted soft kisses on my chin.

"I know it's biting off too much. And I know you'd stop me so I didn't tell you. Dahil sa oras na sabihin mong tama na, ihinto ko na, talagang hihinto ako, Ruth. Ikaw na ang nag utos,e. Kaya siyempre susundin ko. Kinulong man kita sa galit ko, sa huli't huli ako pa rin iyong bilanggo sa 'yo."

Ang pagkabasag ng boses niya ay sugat sa puso ko. I gripped on his shoulders as weakness found its way to my consciousness.

"But Ruth..." He framed my face, may pagsusumamo sa kanyang mukha at boses. " I've hurt you, too. Hindi ko naman itatanggi na nagalit talaga ako sa 'yo and... I hurt you...I know, so much..."

His deep-rooted regret and pain implanted into my heart. Nakaukit din ito sa kanyang mukha.

I, again, turned into the pieces seeing this vulnerability. Na tila ba'y sa isang utos ko ay walang pagdadalawang isip niya iyong susundin kahit buhay pa niya ang kapalit.

He licked his lips, his cautious eyes are searching mine. Maybe for the answers, or for the right words to say.

"But don't just settle on my sorry alone. Lalayuan kita. Iyon na ang parusa ko sa sarili ko. Lalayuan kita at babalik ako sa mga araw na wala ka. Because being Ruthless, it was my kind of hell..."

Bumagsak ang namuong luha nang marahas akong umiling upang paigtingin ang aking protesta. That's foolish, Dean! You don't penalize yourself through leaving me again!

"How would you like me to punish myself?" dagdag nito sa nanginginig niyang boses. "I haven't paid for my mistakes, Ruth...for hurting you, for choosing my hate just because ..."

"A-an apology, Dean..." matapang kong agap, ayaw nang pag-awayan pa ito. We're here together now so we should do something about it!

"I...I want your apology."

Umawang ang bibig niya, hindi malaman kung nagulat lang o hindi makapaniwala sa aking sinabi. I caught the tip of his tongue reaching his upper molar teeth while he's trying to consider what I said.

His sharp semi-wide eyes narrowed like a knife with a dangerous gleaming tip.

"Are you sure...?"

Narinig ko ang sariling lumunok. Why did he have to use that tone like he's trying to make me change my mind? Pinapahiwatig nito na wala na akong kawala kapag um-oo ako.

I bravely nodded anyway.

"Are you really sure, Ruthzielle?" he slowly asked, teasing even.

Unti-unting gumapang paakyat ang kamay niya sa aking likod. To try hiding any reaction is impossible when my body is betraying me. The sound of my brassiere being unclasped seems so loud and defeaning.

"I'm asking you again....are you sure?" Ang isang kamay niya ay ginagapang na ang gitna ng aking hita.

Seriously, itatanong mo talaga sa akin iyan, Dean? You're asking me if I am sure while you do these things that would undoubtedly make me say yes? As in, seriously?!

Without withdrawing from his heated gaze, kinuha ko ang kamay niya at dinala sa dapat nitong paghihimlayan imbes na hayaan na lang na gumapang. I don't know why I feel so embarrassed but proud of myself at the same time.

A muttered curse softly broke free, his hand invaded inside my underwear only to find me damp and greedy. Pumikit ako at napakagat sa aking labi na binuksan lang muli sa pagsiil niya ng halik.

I would have fallen on my back by the impact of his attack, kung wala lang ang kamay niyang nakasuporta sa aking likod. I arched my spine, gripping on his shirt that I so wanted to rip off from him now.

Ramdam kong tumigil siya at marahan akong tinulak ngunit hindi ko hinayaan. I pushed him deeper to the couch and grinded my hips, and maybe realizing that he likes it better, he stopped struggling and pulled me closer.

Isang mariin na halik ang hinandog niya bago niya nagawang bumitaw. Mabilis ang kanyang hininga.

Ang gulat at mangha sa kanya ay hindi ko maintindihan. With the share of the chandelier's light, I saw how red his ears, nose and neck are.

Why?" I asked breathlessly. Why did he stop?

Seeing him this way only made me want him more. Iyong napapamangha ko siya. The things I do that confuses him since he just looks so good and lovable. At gusto ko pang doblehin ang manghang iyon at palugurin siya.

I used to have a trail of boys who worked so hard just to please me. Cars, grades, degrees, wealth... But none of them picqued my liking. It is only been with Dean that I want to work the pleasing and satisfy him good.

"Dean..." I sound so needy I almost regret it. Pero hindi ito maitatanggi ng katawan ko.

His hooded gaze steamed with heat and seduction hauled the pool of hot liquid into my core. Taliwas ito sa kanyang ginagawa. I saw the want from him, from his burning eyes, hungry inhales and exhales, the grip of his hands....but why did he have to stop?

Did I went overboard? Am I too aggressive? Dapat ba siya ang gumawa ng first move? This is my first time so I'm not familiar with the rules if there is any.

Ngumuso ako at nagbaba ng tingin. I won't force him if he doesn't want it.

"Okay..."

Bago pa ako mapahiya ay tinukod ko ang aking mga kamay sa head rest ng couch. I don't know how to face him after this. Ngunit hindi ko pa nahila ang sarili paalis ay ramdam kong dumiin ang tulak ng kamay niya sa aking likod kaya nasubsob ako sa kanyang dibdib.

Lalo akong nabaliw nang maramdaman ang magkasunod na pagbaon ng dalawa niyang daliri. He didn't take them out, I see. The wash of relief overwhelmed me that I spread my legs wider and felt the deeper dive of his fingers as if looking for the secret treasures. I felt hot all over. With this alone, I saw hell in a different light that I don't have to fear it anymore.

Bumaon ang mga kamay ko sa kanyang braso. My mouth opened, another loud moan escaped while looking up to welcome more of his wet kisses in my jaw, neck, collar bones and down ...

"You can still change your mind, Ruth..." The heat of his hoarse breath is firewood to my flaming skin.

Malakas ang pag-iling ko. I pushed my hips harder against the speed of his fingers which was moving faster than how I type my messages. Umiingit ang couch sa aking ginagawa.

"Aah..." Lalakas pa iyon kung hindi ko binaon ang ungol sa kanyang balikat. My muffled moans only made me want to scream!

"But you say no...I'm out of control," he softly warned, almost out of breath.

Impit na tili ang lumabas sa pagsubok kong isatinig ang pagtanggi. My arms wrapped tighter around his neck and this is my answer.

A drastic curse breaks free from his mouth when he stood up and carried me with him. Humigpit ang pulupot ng aking binti sa baywang niya. Pinupudpod ko ng sabik na mga halik ang kanyang mukha at leeg nang nagsimula na siyang maglakad.

The sound of his bass footfalls excites me. The way his rigidity stabbed my core tells me that he feels it even more.

Leaving the living room now, also means forgetting the memories that has transpired just a while ago. The image of those people who I've hurt and have hurt me the same, obliterated by the searing desire that triumph over me.

The journey from the stairs up to his room is annoying that I started to gyrate my hips against his steel-hardness. Dean groaned, his hand gripped my butt tighter. Mas diniin pa nito ang harapan ko sa kanya. He left my lips for a while only to attack a kiss in a much more aggressiveness.

Nang bumagsak sa kama ay agad kong kinalas ang kanyang suot. He may looked so hot in his white v-neck but it's so offending in this momemt of bliss. In between my bent knees, Dean knelt on the bed to properly dispose his clothes.

I arched my back when he buried his face on my neck and sucked my skin with his kisses. My hands sedatedly caressed his abdominals up to his chest. Bumaba muli ang haplos , my fingers hungrily sought for his V-line until I felt the thick press of his shaft againt his jeans.

Sa halos magsarang talukap ng aking mga mata ay nahuli ko ang mariin niyang pagpikit at galaw ng panga. Together with his brows meeting, everything I see from him right now is so erotic that it fuels the heat in my heart to smolder my chest.

"Ruth..."

I breathed in his sensual moan of my name. His tone of permission had me arched my back for him again to do what he's asking for.

Take me in, Dean. And I, too, will take you all in.

His gasps are loud as his kisses followed his hands that one by one opened the buttons of my top, trailing a series of heat on their way down. Sinabay niya sa pagdispatsa ng damit ang aking brassiere. I shivered upon my upper body's exposure against the cold.

Uninhibited, his mouth attacked my hardened breast. A moan so loud as I tenderly cupped his face while he's licking my swollen peak, tila ba ay labi ko lang itong hinahalikan niya. He palmed the other one with reverence, kneading it passionately like he wants to ravish but respect them at the same time.

He let go of my bud with a sound. Then his face hovered on mine. Pinahalik niya sa akin ang dalawa niyang daliri. His eyes hooded with anticipation and erotic heat, he watched me kiss his fingers ngunit nang pinasok niya sa aking bibig ay nalaman kong hindi iyon ang gusto niyang gawin ko.

He muttered a curse as he watched me suck on his fore and middle finger. I saw how he bites his lower lip, and pulled out his digits to bring them down to my core. My head fell back with a sweet moan when he started digging the deepest gold in my pearl.

He does it so good I would want it to be my death. His lips are moving against my jaw, neck...I might be screaming, begging, cursing when he bites on my nipple....hindi ko na alam. And I don't even care.

I am pushing myself up into Dean's lips and hands , like his kisses are summer and I wanna spend my time on that vacation. Like his touches are endless oceans and I wanna swim into the waves of his caress and affection.

My fingers entangled on his sand brown locks and pressed his face into my chest. The thunder of groan from his throat shadowed by a rain of vibrations in my bones.

"Dean..." I begged loudly, a need so rich and strong.

Diniin ko ang aking mga paa sa kama upang maiangat nang mabuti ang aking baywang at tagpuin ang kanya. Legs wide open, knees bent. With my craving so uncontainable, I want him inside me already!

"Ugh! My god..."

Hearing the noise of his sucking, I looked down and watch how his tongue lovingly licked my peak. Parang kuntento na siya at gustong iyan na lang ang gawin dahil ito na ang panibago niyang hilig.

His feral greens erotically found mine as he licked and I'm gone. I bit my lip from fighting off a scream.

Hindi ko na alam saan ibabaling ang aking ulo nang dahan dahang bumababa ang kanyang halik. He left a stain of flame in my breast where his lips and hands have been. Sinabay na rin ang pagbaba sa aking pants. And my underwear...he's sliding it down too slow for my impatient mood.

Mas lalo akong nafu-frustrate habang papalapit ang halik niya roon. Utmost pleasure assasinated every rational piece that's left in me. Kaya nakakainis kung bakit nagtatagal pa si Dean sa paghalik!

Nilisan ng likod ko ang kama nang sa wakas ay dumaong roon ang kanyang labi. I cried, halos ihampas na ang ulo sa kama.I caught Dean's head bobbing up and down and the fast movement of his hand.

Inabot ko ang kanyang ulo at diniin sa akin upang mas mapabilis, dahil alam kong pagkatapos nito ay kulang pa. The flick of his tongue is such an electric shock that I cried again...and again...I was burning up by all his heat, my legs trembling every single flick.

Ang ugat sa kanyang sentido ay pinapahiwatig sa akin kung gaano siya katutok sa ginagawa. Ang isang kamay niya ay nasa ilalim ng aking hita upang mas ipirmi ang pagkakabuka.

The sound of the warm suction made it easier for me to reach the desired crest. This isn't new to me, and I want more.

Still under the spell of the earth-shaking release, lalo akong nalilyo nang makitang nakatayo na siya sa aking harapan at binababa ang zipper ng jeans. He unleashed the length that he's always been so proud of.

Suminghap ako at natutop ang aking bibig. I shouldn't be surprsied, I know. Pero hindi ko maiwasang mamangha at matakot. Would that fit me? He's thick! Parang kaya nitong bumaon sa pinakamalalim na butas. Because after all, he's not lying with its dimension the way it pointed straight and hard and muscled infront of me.

He pressed his possession back into my body. His chest sliding against mine. He hovered over me like a predator, probing at his prey. Humawak ako sa kanyang baywang.

The way he delivered the vehemence in his gaze, I thought he's on for a punishing kiss. Hindi ko inasahan ang malumanay na halik niya. He lazily bit my lower lip, then pacify it with his tongue after. My palms amorously sought the roughness of his jaw.

I felt his fingers parted my folds to make way for his length that we both watch disappear inside. Nagsanib ang aming mga hingal. The touch of his tip on my core made my toes curl.

"Dean..." I called, hindi alam kung para saan.

"This will hurt..." he whispered and kissed my neck.

My arms anchored around his shoulders. I know, Dean. But it would hurt me more if you won't make me feel that we're one. I am just so done with my inhibitions, with me putting other people's best interest than my own . Tonight, it's going to be him. From now on, it's going to be you, Dean. It's going to be us.

And besides...this is an apology anyway so rest assured that you would be forgiven.

Achingly, I lifted my hips so he could slide in long smooth stroke. He drastically hissed, grasping my hips tighter. Umawang ang kanyang bibig, pumikit, tumingala at dumungaw muli upang mahuli lang akong umiiyak sa sakit.

Bumaon ang kamay ko sa kanyang balikat. Sa pagpikit ko nang mariin ay lumandas ang mga luha. Sinalo ito ni Dean ng kanyang mga halik.

"Shh..." alo niya. He soothed the wound in my cheek with his groan of my name.

Nilagay ni Dean ang mga braso niya sa likod ng aking ulo upang maging unan ko kaya mas nakadagan na siya sa akin. He didn't pull out, and I could even feel him growing harder inside me.

But it's just so painful I'm afraid he would stop just to spare me the pain. I tried to move but it really still hurts. A divine torture it is to suffer in this pain but aching for that pleasure at the same time.

Lalo akong napahikbi sa napagtanto. It's heartbreaking for me. I want him tonight, pero dahil sa sakit ay baka hindi na iyon mangyayari.

Hindi nagsasalita si Dean ngunit ramdam ko ang paghihirap niya dahil sa kanyang mga hingal. He was about to pull out but I held his back and pushed him into me as I lifted myself again.

Muli ang aking pagiyak sa ginawa.

"Damn it, Ruth!"

Luhaan ang mga mata kong tinignan siya. Humor seems impossibe to reside in his eyes. Looking at him, he is now living by the reputation I held on him since day one. Intense. Virile.

The drag of skin along my chest sends sparks that could burn us whole. He crouched to reunite his lips with my still swollen nipple while his hands retrace its home at the sensitive part just above where we're united.

Nagsimula siyang gumalaw. Isinabay sa kamay niyang abala roon. It is aching and soothing, all to calm my pain until I found myself gyrating against his movements.

Dean hummed sensually while tracing his kisses back to my neck. Unti unti na akong nakakahinga nang maluwang at mas nasabayan pa siya. The sting of pain was still there, but tolerable now.

"Dean, come on now, please..." I pleaded , hindi ko na alam kung saan sa likod niya ipipirmi ang aking mga kamay.

"Like this...?" he purrs into my skin, teasing. His wide open mouth kiss on my skin became my new obsession.

Natigilan ako nang hinila niya ang sarili at lumuhod. Our connection remained intact. He looks like an alpha and the king of everything seeing his fluid movement as he rotated his hips. Pinapainit ako nito lalo. I couldn't take my eyes away from how his length disappeared almost half of the tip with his torturous slow pace.

Ang kamay niya ay humaplos sa aking hita paakyat at lumihis sa aking pwitan. Namilog ang mga mata ko nang bigla niya akong inangat.

"Dean!" I gasped when he suddenly stood up and carried me with him.

Nanatiling matigas ang mukha niya kahit kita niya ang aking iritasyon. I clung tigtly to him like a tree-hugging mammal.

"Saan tayo pu..." Hindi ko natapos ang tanong at nilinga ang sa palagay ko'y destinasyon niya.

"We can't use the bed. Masisira lang natin iyon," he said coldly.

At paano niya nasabi iyon? Has he tried and tested it? Pang ilang palit na ba niya ng kama? Or maybe he's just really aware of his capability.

There was no chance for me to voice out my suspicions when my back slammed against the cold glass wall.

I instantly realized that my naked back is facing the whole city outside. Idiniin ni Dean ang sarili sa akin at sa lakas niya'y nagawa akong suporthan sa aking likod.

"My god, Dean!" me, almost in hysterics. " What if...what if..." I couldn't voice out my horror.

I panted as I turned to the citylights view at my back. Hindi ko masikmura kung ang mga pinagiisip ko ay magpangyari. It's not impossible that Dean might be followed by even just one psycho woman. His maddening appeal is to blame.

He didn't find the time to entertain that worry when he suddenly shoved his manhood so hard my head fell back and hit the glass wall loudly.

"Ah!" daing ko sa gulat at sakit.

Mabilis iyong dinaluhan ng kamay niya at hinaplos bago tinulak palapit sa kanyang mukha upang mahalikan ako. I moaned so loud that his kisses went deeper and his tongue began exploring mine.

Parang ginto ang halik niyang kaya akong mas payamanin pa kaya ayaw kong pakawalan. And I felt poor when he let go only to grant the inheritage of kisses down to my jaw...to my neck...

I gasped for air and my grip on his shoulders tightened. I Iifted my hips so he could take me deeper. Bumaon ang mga kamay niya sa aking pwitan at diniin ako sa kanya. Nanindig ang aking balahibo nang may natamaan siya roong ikinaiyak ko nang husto sa ligaya.

"Oh god! Dean please..."

Hearing my loud desperate sweet plead caused his pace to change. His voice against my skin is half-laugh, half-groan as he thrusted on me harder I felt my boobs bounce with each hard slam of his length.

Ang liwanag mula sa buwan ay pinakita kung gaano siya kapula. Nakaawang ang kanyang bibig na nagbubuga ng masisidhing hininga habang binibilisan ang galaw, I spotted how the muscles in his arms flexed as he put all of his force in supporting me and in moving.

I caressed his face. Nalalasing na ako sa aming ginagawa. I met his sunset eyes that always gives warmth to my cold nights. I could never be the rain, ' cause I will always burn in your flame, Dean. Our hate would only probably seem like a runaway from home but in the end, we will always find our way back. Mine to your love that never ceased. A love that doesn't stop on want alone. On memory or feeling alone. Not just on our teenage dreams alone.

Ang namumungay niyang mga mata ay bumaba ang tingin sa aking labi. He half moaned when he attacked me with his kiss and sucked in a breath as he pulled away.

"Let them see and photograph us. Out of many women who has claimed that they own me, there is only one. And I own her the same. So tell me Ruth, am I yours?" he said under his breath.

Kinulong ko sa aking mga braso ang kanyang ulo at bumaon ang mukha niya sa aking balikat. My hands clutch the strands of his smooth but wet from sweat hair all the while he's rocking me to no end.

My mouth against his ear, I whispered with a trembling voice, "Always...you're unadulteratedly mine, Dean."

A deep groan thundered around his chest and thrusted on me harder that I was almost at the verge of the blinding light.

"Ah!"

I heard nothing after but the slapping of our skin, the sound of his kisses. Tumitili ang pagdulas pababa at paakyat ng aking likod sa salamin na dingding. Malaki ang awang ng aking bibig habang nakapikit, tumatama ang ulo sa salamin.

I remained silent, containing my moans for a long second only to cry out loud as I plunged through the waves of pure ecstacy. Sobrang higpit ng kapit ko sa kanyang balikat.

Akala ko 'y doon na magtatapos. But when Dean groaned and slammed harder, I was wrong and I knew I'm going through it again.

Sinalubong niya ang noo ko nang papabagsak ito sa kanya. His moan was a trigger for me to reach it again. As he pulled out, it seems that he's taking everything. The scream of his name, the air in my lungs and the remaining pieces of my heart only to push back inside of me to make it whole again.

"Ah...please don't stop." I pleaded.

I could no longer recognize what stopping means. To stop seems to be dear forgotten. Stopping seems to be nonexistent as Dean burned my name against the swamp grounds of my skin.

"Oh god...fuck!" He sounded like he was almost there. Palatandaan ang kanyang daing kasunod ang pagbilis ng kanyang galaw.

His hands buried deeper in my pelvic bone. My hands digging harder into his hair. Calming of breathing seems to be miles away.

Sinubukan ko nang kumapit sa salamin ngunit dumulas lamang ang aking kamay. I gripped on his shoulders again and I saw how red it is right now from my grip.

Hindi ko na mapigilan ang aking pag iingay na parang nasisiraan na ako ng bait. Dean's noisy too but I'm way louder as he thrust faster and deeper. I did nothing but open my mouth, basking myself in the silver pulsing pleasure that I want to live in this, to live with this and do this with him nonstop.

Panibagong alon ang pumigtas sa aking hangarin sa kaluluwa kong umalsa para lamang manginig sa rurok at maghangad pa nang mas labis sa aking pagdaong.

He didn't stop. Sa nagsalubong niyang kilay, pikit na mga mata at pagkagat niya sa kanyang labi ay muli kong naabot iyon.

The pleasure and frustration in his every thrust made me arched my back when another cry slit through my throat. The much harder slam of release drowned me with his own.

"Dean...ah!" Hindi ko na makilala ang aking boses. I am doubting it's mine.

He groaned louder as he slammed harder in one two...holding me tighter like I am his only salvation. I felt him trembled against my body. He buried himself deeper inside me as he tensed and a rush of warmth filled my womb.

Bumagsak kami sa isa't isa at naghahabol ng hininga. His hands protectively held my sweating back. He buried his face in my neck and got wet from his sweat. His breath seared the hairs of my neck skin.

"Are you on pills...or anything?" he asked breathlessly.

Umiling ako, hindi makaimik sa pagod.

I felt his mouth moved, maybe a smirk.

"Good..." Ramdam ko ang baluktot niyang pagngisi roon.