Kris

Pain sliced through my chest at the anguished look on Ashley's face. Tears welled up in her beautiful eyes while her nose and cheeks had turned pink. Her bright smile that I loved so much was turned upside into a frown. A sob worked up her throat and she bit her lip as tears streamed down her face.

My first instinct was to gather her in my arms and make her pain go away. But as soon as I tried to reach for her, she pulled away and pressed herself against the door.

"E-Everything I did is starting to catch up with me. And... and I can't stop it." She covered her face with her hands and cried, her form shaking with every sob. "It's never going to go away."

No matter what Ashley said, it was hard to imagine her doing anyhing wrong. She was the nicest person I'd ever met. Even when I acted like a complete dick, she forgave me and agreed to help me. Anyone else would have left, but not Ashley.

"I'm sorry I got you involved in my mess," Ashley said, finally looking up at me. "I didn't mean to. I swear I thought it was over. I didn't think—"

Her breathing quickened and I clasped her hands in mine, rubbing circles on the inside of her palm. "It's okay. We don't have to talk about it right now. Just breathe. We can fix this."

She shook her head. "No. We cannot. You don't even know what this is about." She sniffled and wiped at her face. After taking a few deep breaths, she met my gaze and a pit formed in my stomach at the look in her eyes. They looked so sad and void. Almost hopeless.

"I-I need to tell you," she said. "Please."

I stared at her for a beat before giving in. "Okay."

Ashley gulped and nodded. "Come with me," she said and opened the door, getting out.

Locking my car, I followed her inside the dormitory and up the elevator to her shared suite. Ashley's hands shook as she inserted the key into the lock and pushed the door open.

Unlike the last time I'd visited, the suite was completely silent, April and Nicole nowhere in sight. With the clouds blocking the sunlight streaming in through the window, the once bright living room seemed to be shrouded in shadows.

When I turned back around, I noticed Ashley lingering near the door. She looked even more troubled as if she couldn't decide what to do next.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't feel comfortable sharing," I said, wanting to ease her worry. "Whatever it is, it's in the past. It doesn't matter anymore."

A small, sad smile curved her lips. "Except it isn't. We wouldn't be here right now if it had stayed in the past."

Saying so, she walked inside her room and then returned with a thick, worn-out binder. My brows creased when she offered it to me.

"What's this?" I asked, noticing the way her hands were trembling.

Ashley slumped on the couch and scooted to make space for me. Following her lead, I sat down, running my hands over the binder. What must have once been a bright yellow cover had faded into a dusty ochre shade. The edges of the cover were torn in some places.

"It's uh..." Ashley cleared her throat and averted her gaze. "It's everything that went wrong in high school. Everything that I did wrong."

I frowned at the binder, not knowing what to say. Out of all things, I hadn't expected this. When I didn't say anything, Ashley continued.

"I... I used to run an anonymous gossip page about my old high school," she said as she pulled her feet up, holding her knees to her chest. "It didn't start that way at first. I just wanted to document my high school life in a small town. You know, click pictures of everything happening around me and share it with others. I always knew I either wanted to major in English or Journalism, so I thought I could show this in my extracurriculars as well."

"I dreamed of becoming instantly famous and getting thousands of followers, but nothing of that sort happened," she said, chuckling to herself. "So stupid."

Placing the binder on the coffee table, I turned toward her. Ashley's eyes were trained ahead, staring at the wall. She looked so fragile, like she could crumble any moment. My chest tightened with worry. I scooted toward her and took her hand in mine. Cold.

"Still I didn't give up. Our football team was having a home game and I'd ended up accidentally capturing our team captain's girlfriend kissing a player on the rival team," she said and finally met my gaze, her blue eyes wide. "I-I didn't mean to. I hadn't even spotted them in the picture before someone commented on it. You have to believe me. I really didn't know about it."

I squeezed her hand. "I know, sweetheart. I trust you."

Ashley paused and took a steadying breath. "That post blew up and soon everyone in my high school was following me. Liking my older posts, commenting on them, texting me. The page was still anonymous. No one knew it was me and still they liked what I had to say. And I... I got carried away. Instead of deleting that post when I knew it was the right thing to do, I kept it."

She lowered her head and tears started falling from her eyes. "It was selfish and stupid. But at that time, I couldn't look past all the attention my page was getting. A few days after, someone messaged me asking me if I would post something they knew. It was about a rumor that had been circling around, and I said yes. Soon my page became the source of the rumor mill at school. And then...things spiraled out of control."

Ashley let go of my hand and wiped at her face, sniffling. Getting up, I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water for her. She accepted it and took a tiny sip.

"Spiraled how?" I asked.

"I started dating Shane," she said and I grimaced. Knowing Shane now, I wasn't even surprised that things became worse after his involvement.

"He was from the popular crowd in high school. We were in English class together. He was so sweet, funny, and charming that when he asked me out, I didn't think twice before saying yes," Ashley continued. "I suddenly started hanging with the popular kids and I was so desperate to look cool in front of Shane that I told him about my page."

I swore under my breath as my mind came up with all kinds of ways Shane would've used this information to screw her over. "Did he tell everyone?"

She shook her head. "No. Not at first at least. In fact, he began encouraging me to do more... to step up from student gossip."

I didn't like the sound of it. And the look on Ashley's face just confirmed my doubts.

"He-he started bringing in information about the school staff."

"Fuck, Ashley." I ran my hands through my hair. "Why would you agree with him?"

"I don't know. If I could undo everything I did, I would," she said, guilt marring her features.

"How much did Shane know? Apart from knowing that it was you behind that page?"

She bit her lip and averted her gaze. "The password. He basically became the other person running that page."

I swore again and rubbed a hand down my face. Listening to this was so frustrating. A part of me was irritated at Ashley for acting so recklessly. But she didn't need me judging her right now.

"I know. Stupid. Now that I look back, I couldn't believe I did all that either. I just... I trusted him. I never thought he would turn on me."

"But he did," I said and folded my arms across my chest.

She nodded as tears welled up in her eyes again. "Everything was going well until...until my account got hacked."

I sat up straight, my eyes widening in horror. "What?"

"I don't know what happened. I just woke up one day and I was locked out of my account. I tried everything to recover it but nothing worked," she cried. "At first I thought it was just someone random who was going to delete it, but that didn't happen."

"The posts never stopped. In fact, the frequency of them increased and the content became more outrageous. Things about people outside of school were broadcasted as well. I had 60 posts up when the account got hacked and in a week, there were a little over 200."

"Oh God." I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. This was getting worse and worse. "So someone in your school hacked the account? Do you think it was Shane? He already had access to it."

"I'm not sure. By the time things had come to this, he had already started distancing himself from me," she said. "And then he broke up with me."

I scoffed. "Of course."

I hadn't met anyone as despicable as Shane.

"Someone lodged a complaint and I was called into the principal's office," she said, wrapping her arms around herself. "My parents were called as well. They...they had a clip of me confessing that I'd created that account while being drunk. It was from one of the parties I'd attended with Shane."

"That asshole," I seethed. For all the nonsense he was spewing about Ashley, he was one sleazy fucker.

Ashley sniffled. "I told them that I wasn't in control anymore. The principal asked me to login into the account in front of him. I was confident it would show the same thing, but the moment I put in the password, it unlocked."

"How?" I asked and she shook her head.

"I don't know. The password was changed back to what it was. The blame for all the 200 posts got pinned on me, and I got suspended for three weeks," she said, but then her face crumpled in anguish. "My parents had to apologize on my behalf in front of the entire PTA."

She covered her face and started sobbing. I gathered her in my arms and placed her on my lap as she buried her face in my chest.

"I disappointed them so much, Kris. I broke their trust," she sobbed. "I'm so ashamed of myself. I wish I could take everything back, but...but I can't. No matter how much I apologize, I can't fix this."

A lump formed in my throat. I wished I could somehow make her feel better and bring her pretty smile back again, but there was nothing I could do other than holding her close.

"Shh... It's in the past," I said as I rubbed her back. "I'm sure they know how much you regret everything."

She shook her head, pulling away from me. "As soon as everyone in town came to know about this, we were outcasted. Everywhere my parents went, they kept getting hostile glances and rude remarks because of me. Kids from school would throw eggs and what not on our front door. Life became hell for them."

A sob wracked through her body, causing her to tremble in my hold. "And yet, they believed me. They trusted me when I told them about the account getting hacked and stood by me when no one else did. I don't deserve my parents."

I tightened my hold on her as she wrapped her arms around me. Every sob leaving her mouth chipped away at my heart, making my chest ache. I couldn't even imagine the amount of guilt she must have been feeling.

In the last couple of years, I had dealt with my fair share of guilt for what happened with Bethany and for lying to my parents. But this was so much worse than that.

Her breathing started to get erratic again and I pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Breathe, sweetheart. Breathe," I whispered in the gentlest voice I could muster. "Everything is going to be fine."

We stayed like that for a while with me holding her in my arms and stroking her back while she slowly calmed down. When she pulled back from me, I offered her the glass of water again.

She wiped at her face with the sleeve of her top. "Once my parents knew I'd been accepted into Wellsfield, they decided to move here so I could always be close to home. They did all of this for me and what did I do for them?" She shook her head. "I don't deserve them."

I cupped her face, rubbing her cheek with my thumb. "Of course you do. I know how much you care about your parents and they know it to. I'm sure if given the chance they would do it all over again."

"I know. But that doesn't make me feel any better."

If things were this bad, I could only imagine how difficult things must have been for her at school. That jerk's words from earlier rang in my ears and annoyance flared in my chest.

Gripping her jaw, I tipped her head up to meet my gaze. "The way that asshole at the library acted... Was that a common occurrence?"

She tried to look away from me but I held her in place. I wanted to know. Her eyes searched my face. "Most days it would just be stink eyes and nasty comments. Sometimes it would be garbage in my locker or threat notes. Other times someone might... take things a little too far."

My jaw ticked at the thought of anyone harming her. "How far?"

She shrugged. "A push in the hallway, tripping me during PE, locking me inside the toilet stalls for hours. Things tamed down a little close to graduation though. Everyone got busy with their college applications."

The way she said all that like it was no big deal made my blood boil. It only told me how accustomed she'd gotten to people treating her badly. Suddenly, I recalled the way Shane had been speaking of her so far.

I swear to God if he had done anything to her, I would break his nose. But first I needed confirmation.

"Did Shane ever—"

"No," she said before I could finish my question. "He didn't try to harm me. Not physically at least."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"He avoided me like the plague for the most part and started dating Juliette soon after. But..." she trailed off, refusing to meet my gaze again. "Someone started a rumor that I was sleeping with the entire hockey team. Shane must have talked about me in the locker room because the entire hockey team knew some very intimate details about me. And they didn't shy away from saying those in the hallways. Loudly."

Oh, I was going to break his nose. Maybe mess up his entire face. Let's see how he liked to brag about his glory days with a black eye and crooked nose.

"They started calling me kitten because our hockey team's mascot was a wild cat," she said, scoffing and rolling her eyes.

My expression stayed grim. Ashley tried to pretend like she didn't care, but I saw right through her. The constant fiddling with her fingers, pulling at her shirt sleeves, and refusing to meet my gaze were a dead giveaway of how much this affected her.

"Next time that guy or anyone else tries to contact you in any way, you call me immediately," I said, my tone even. I wasn't going to let her get hurt ever again.

Ashley's lips curved up in a smile. "You going to beat them up for me?"

"Yes," I said without an ounce of hesitation. I would do that and a lot more if it meant I wouldn't have to find her in that terrified state again.

Her eyes widened at the declaration, but she was quick to mask her reaction and put on a smile again. She tilted her head to the side, scrutinizing me. "Are you sure you still want to stay friends with me? You haven't even opened the binder to see what all I'd done."

"Don't need to," I replied. "That's your past. All that matters to me is you in the present. The Ashley I know is kind, smart, funny, caring, and a literal ball of sunshine. I'd very much like to stay friends with you."

She smiled that sad smile again and got off my lap, making space between us. Picking up the binder, she dropped it in my lap.

"I would still like you to read that and then decide," she said. "Now that I've told you everything, its important to me that you truly know me. The whole me. And as much as I wish otherwise, my past mistakes are a part of me."

My gaze flitted from her to the binder and then back to her. Ashley had a determined look in her eyes which told me she wasn't going to budge. Seeing how important this was to her, I decided to give in and flipped it open.

Printouts of Instagram posts were stuck on each page with dates written below them in Ashley's neat cursive. A yellow square sticky note was stuck on the upper right corner of the page. Some sort of an index to specify what each colored dot or symbol meant on that page.

That was Ashley for you. Always organized no matter what the context was.

I skimmed over the words, stopping to read it full only when something caught my attention. Most of it was pretty mild compared to what people said online in the comments section of our hockey page. However, I could see how it would have meant the world in high school.

Later in the binder, things started to escalate. The language used for those posts was crude and downright nasty. The difference between the posts in the beginning and these new ones was like day and night. The latter ones were clearly written in a way to hurt whoever these were targeted at.

"These are from the hacker," I said and Ashley nodded. Once I got the affirmation, I shut the book and returned it to her. "I don't need to read those then."

"How can you be so sure that I'm not lying to you? How can you—"

I placed a finger on her lip, stopping her. "Because I know you. And thankfully, I have enough IQ to tell the difference when the tone of writing changes. Besides, did you see the design of those posts? All mismatched shades and random fonts. Perfectionist Ashley would have a stroke before she posted something like that."

"Hey!" she swatted at my arm, but the smile on her face was unmistakable. Finally, a genuine smile that felt like a warm ray of sunshine directed at you.

Rubbing the spot where she'd hit me, I grinned at her. "You wanna tell me why you made that binder?"

Her smile faltered a little. "I uh... wanted to apologize to everyone. The principal made me delete the account. I thought I could send an apology note to everyone if I kept track of who I'd hurt," she said as she scratched at a stain on the binder's cover. "I also thought that I might be able to track down who hacked the account."

"Did you find out?"

She shook her head. "No. I still don't know who it was or how I was able to login again." Keeping the binder aside, she faced me again. "Are you sure you still want to stay friends with me and continue our deal? It's okay if you don't. I won't hold it against you."

From the way she kept questioning my decision about staying friends with her, I got a feeling that she was used to people leaving her side. Shane and Juliette had abandoned her when she was the most vulnerable, and now she couldn't believe anyone would still want to stay by her side. As if this one blip in her life, although a large one, defined her entire being.

I hated how insecure this ordeal had made her.

Instead of replying, I pulled her in my arms, giving her the biggest bear hug and swaying us from side to side.

"Nope. You're stuck with me," I said. "Try your hardest, woman. I'm not leaving you alone."

Ashley chuckled, but her voice wavered at the end. She hugged me tight and placed her head on my shoulder. "Okay then. You're stuck with me too."

I grinned at that. I wouldn't want it any other way.