Continuing to devote myself to my training, I tried harder than before to please my mother. Whether it be a simple task or expected response- I always gave it my all.
Ever since my first encounter with a court session, my mother had been sure to send me out to do other things while the session went on.
I didn't receive much free time to myself anymore, which is why was a relief to be able to have a break. For my free time, I wanted to spend it with friends.
I felt bad for neglecting my friends even if my responsibilities were of the upmost importance.
The day I had free time, the weather outside was wicked, so I knew my animal friends wouldn't be out. I decided to spend time with someone as equally important to me.
"Swethyna."
"In here."
She was busy dusting a room, that to me already appeared spotless, but set down her duster once I entered.
"Well if it isn't my dear prince." She said holding me tight. "Ah, but not a prince for long."
I smiled at her and stated, "I'm not a king yet, I'm just training to be one."
"How is that training coming along? Heard it's hard stuff."
"Yeah, but I enjoy being able to spend more time with momma."
"Felt like I haven't seen you in forever. It's like you're growing up right under my nose."
"Feels that way to me too."
She started back up her dusting and I joined in, helping her clean the small room.
"So, is it anything like you imagined?" She asked.
"Hm?"
"Training." She clarified. "I know you've waiting for years to study under your mother's wing."
"Well...it's different."
"Not what you were hoping for exactly?"
I didn't really know how to explain it, but I tried.
"I've only seen one court session-"
"Only one?" She said in surprise.
"Yes, and it was...it was..."
I hesitated to continue because it was somewhat uncomfortable to me. I always told Swethyna everything, there was not a secret about me she didn't know. I knew I could trust her so I decided to reveal what happened that day. She, of course, listened with an attentive ear and didn't say anything until I finished.
"It was fine by the end of the day, but it still confuses me. What do you think?"
I waited patiently for her to respond, but she didn't seem to know how. Her face appeared to be torn between a strange mixture of guilt and sadness.
"Swethyna, what's wrong?"
Swethyna was never at a loss for words, especially advice, so it was unsettling to witness her lack of speech.
"Like I was saying. It was strange to see that side of her. I'm so used to momma being kind and fair, but I know that was only once she acted like that. I'm sure she's usually much kinder."
Still not responding, Swethyna picked back up with her dusting, the torn expression still lingering on her face.
"Swethyna."
She stopped for a second then finally sighed and spoke up.
"I don't want to give you any misconceptions about your mother."
I gave her a questioning look. "Why would you give me any misconceptions?"
She shook her head.
"I don't feel it's my place to say..."
"Swethyna, I trust you. You're my closest friend, nothing you say will change how I feel about you or momma."
It took a second for her to decide whether or not to speak her mind, but eventually she guided me over to the couch and we sat down.
"Although I really don't feel like it's my place or anyone else's to tell you this, I believe it must be said because it hangs over many things in your life and mine."
I didn't know where this is going but I listened diligently.
"Many people in the kingdom feel...a certain way about your mother. You've never seen or heard about it before because it's different for you. The reason the guards and other servants treat in such a way is because of your mother. I don't believe that's right, but others do see it that way and think of it as fair."
She took several seconds to pause before continuing.
"The people of Edalirwen view your mother as something to be feared."
"Feared? Like respected?"
"Feared as in to be frightened by."
I let that sink for a second, but none of it was making sense.
"You see, your mother has two sides to her. The one she wants you to see and the one she demonstrates to everyone else."
"Why?" Was all I could think to ask.
"Because that's what mothers do, they protect their children from seeing the worst in them, love. I care about you Xalale, so I didn't want you to know either. Besides, that was for your mother to reveal, not me."
None of this matched, none of this added up in my head the way it should've. It was like going back into that dreaming state of mind- it wasn't real.
"I feel it would make more sense if you talked to your mother."
Getting up slowly, I made my way to door, waiting there for a second.
"Just because others feel that way doesn't mean your mother is that way." She added.
I turned to look at her.
"You don't feel that way about my mother, do you Swethyna?"
She gave me a weak smile and waved me on.
"I believe you should talk to your mother about this."
It was damning enough and with that I quietly exited the room, leaving her to her dusting.

I spent the rest of my free day in my room, absentmindedly reading the same page over and over. The same dreamy feeling was settling over me and I couldn't quite shake it off or explain it. I wasn't mad or upset with Swethyna, but it confused me greatly.
As I got ready for bed, I heard my mother slip in. I decided to take Swethyna's advice and ask about what she said.
"How did you enjoy your day off?" My mother asked. "Did you do anything interesting?"
"No, I didn't do anything interesting but my day was fine."
"That's good."
She kissed me goodnight and got up to leave.
"Why do people fear you?"
It was abrupt and softly said, but it stopped her in her tracks.
"What do you mean?"
"They're afraid of you."
She sat back down and pushed away a lock of hair that fell in my face.
"Where did you hear this?"
I didn't want to point Swethyna out, so I moved away from that topic, saying, "You act differently around me than you do other people. Which side is real?"
"It's true, I do behave differently around you than I do around other people, but that is because I'm a queen to everyone else, but a mother to you. You will learn as you get older that you will have two different sides to you- a king and yourself. You can't have both."
It made sense somewhat, but I didn't want to have two sides to me when I did eventually become king. I wanted to always be me.
"It's also not a bad thing for your subjects to be fearful of you. You can't befriend everyone. It shows you have control of the people and the kingdom. You don't want them to control you."
I nodded and suddenly the dreamy feeling faded away and reality returned again. It was comforting to have peace of mind again. I smiled at my mother and we said goodnight again.
Somehow my mother could always comfort me and take away the dreamy illusion. I didn't have to be afraid or confused about who she was, because I knew who she was, who she would always be- my mother.