I was fourteen when Emmony stepped back into my life.
It had been some time since I last saw her. She would be blind to everything that had happened to me over the last few years.
Even though I didn't associate with Swethyna anymore, I was still excited to see her again. Yet at the same time I wasn't going to be as close as before- there had to be some distance. I didn't want another betrayal.
Upon seeing her, she looked the same but nicely different. Her eyes still shone even when she didn't smile and she greeted me like she always did.
"Hey princey. Remember me?"
Her dimples were still presence, but her freckles weren't as prominent. Her hair was better keep, yet still on the wilder side.
"Yeah, I missed you." I said, genuinely meaning it.
She gave me another hug then pulled back, messing up my hair.
"You're growing your hair out." She smiled.
"Takes too much to cut it."
"Well I expect my future king to keep up appearances, you know." She replied teasingly.
I tensed up slightly at the mention of being future king. I hoped she didn't notice, but her smile faltering, told me otherwise. Fortunately she didn't address it.
"Have you seen my mother? I know the two of you are always nearby."
The tension in me was building, but I tried not to let it show.
"She doesn't know you're here?"
"I thought I would surprise her- and you."
"Oh."
There was only a brief silence before she picked the conversation back up.
"How's your mother?"
I glanced at her as we began to stroll down the hall. She had to know what a tyrant my mother was.
"She's fine."
I noticed her frown, but looked away.
"Well...how are you?"
I thought about how to respond to that, and I liked none of the answers so I just said, "Fine."
We continued to stroll in silence until she stopped me.
"What?" I asked.
Her brows were furrowed just like her mother's would be.
"You're different."
"We both are. That's what happens when you get older."
But she wasn't different- not like I was. Even though she was a woman now, I could still see the old, familiar traces of a younger her. For me, I was a whole different person.
The worried expression on her face didn't fully go away, but negativity doesn't stay on her face for long. That usual excitement in her eyes returned and she grabbed my hand.
"Do you want go on an adventure?"
I was reluctant to answer, but that didn't faze her.
"Come on, Xalale. It'll be fun, I promise. Do I ever lie?"
It was hard to say no to a friend, especially one I favored so dearly, so I finally gave into her charm.
"Come on." She guided me through the halls until we reached the doors of the palace.
I rarely left the palace anymore and I had never been far from it. That familiar sense of fear and anxiety rippled through me.
"Wait."
I slipped out of her grip.
"What's wrong?"
I hadn't told my mother I would be leaving the palace. If she found out I'd left without permission, she'd be enraged.
"What does it matter?"
For so long I wanted to venture out and explore what was before me, and now was the perfect opportunity.
Besides, a chance to rebel against my mother was worth it. She didn't- couldn't- control me.
"Nothing. Lead the way."
Her face brightened once again as she took my hand and led me out into the world.
It was like a whole different world, just outside the palace walls. I'd only ever looked out my window at this world beyond my own. It was almost refreshing to step outside into something unfamiliar and new.
Emmony led me to a brown and white mare tied to a nearby tree.
"Be careful near her, she's not use to strangers riding her."
Being around horses wasn't something I was accustom to. I knew what massive beast they were, but it never sinks in until you're standing next to one.
"Her name's Valda." She said tightening the saddle. "I've only had her for a year now, but we have a pretty good bond. She's still young, so she'll be a bit restless."
I stroked her mane as Emmony finished adjusting the saddle.
"You ready?"
"Where are we going?"
"Does it matter?" She asked daringly.
Once she finished adjusting the saddle she mounted the horse and held out her hand. Grabbing hold, she helped me up and we took off down the road.
We rode in silence most of the way, just observing the forest scenery, until Emmony spoke again.
"I don't know if it's 'cause you're older or I'm older, but you're a lot quieter than I remember."
I could hear the nonchalant tone that she was using to mask the concern in her voice.
"You're not sick or anything."
"No. Tired is all."
"Oh."
I didn't want the conversation to die so I spoke up.
"What have you been doing lately?"
"Uh, lately, nothing much- that's why I'm visiting again. Once I turned fifteen, I went out and found a job farther away in Alayssi."
"You left at fifteen?"
"Yes. There were only a few more days left until my sixteenth birthday, but I needed to find work before then and the only place that accepted me was in Alayssi."
It struck me as strange that Emmony would leave before she even turned sixteen. In the village that she lived at, she stayed under the care of another family, since neither of her parents lived with her.
"Why did you have to find work?"
This was the only time she seemed tense.
"Things at home got a little...complex, so it was in my best interest to leave the house and village altogether. I'll admit, it was scary."
"I understand that." I said thinking about the relationship between my mother and me.
"You do?"
The tension in her body was gone and she glanced back at me in disbelief.
"I understand the complexity of situations, especially at home."
She chuckled a little. "Really? I never thought the pressures of princelyhood to be that complicated."
I didn't respond to that.
She didn't understand- I couldn't expect her to. We were in the same sea, but in two completely different boats. If there was trouble brewing in her village, she was free to go whenever she pleased- especially now that she was an adult. For me, I couldn't leave and have the same success as her if I wanted to.
This "adventure" was beginning to become a bitter taste. Once the day was over, I would back to being alone and trapped, while Emmony would continue on with her life.
My silence must've made her think she said something wrong, as she started to apologize.
"I'm just kidding, Xalale. I don't know how hard it must be to have all that responsibility."
"It's fine." I muttered.
I can tell she's not satisfied with that, but neither of us speak up again.
We rode for a while until we had begun to approach a village. It was small, but looked quaint.
"Let's stop here for a bit." She said.
"That's fine."
We dismount and Emmony ties Valda near a barrel full of water before we head into the heart of the village.
I was feeling a bit uneasy about entering into the square, seeing how not many people liked the queen or anything pertaining to her. I never left the palace, but I was scared someone would recognize me, so I pulled the hood of my cloak down low.
"You alright?" Emmony asked noticing me.
"Yes, I just don't want people to know who I am."
She frowned but didn't reply.
I'd never been in a village before, so it was a strange sight to witness one in daily routine.
There were many different scents that came from the numerous buildings in the square. The flurry of sounds were also unique. The blacksmith banging away, the sound of a nearby mill, people conversing with one another. Women held young children whose eyes looked around the square, men laughed and worked together, and children race about playing games and enjoying the atmosphere.
As tempted as I was to observe everything, I keep my eyes trained on the ground.
Emmony led me through the square over to where an old man with a cart was selling jewelry. The jewelry was different than those that one might see a wealthy, elite person wearing. They were ancient looking, but not in a bad way. They were made from wood and feathers and natural, more rugged gemstones.
"These are lovely." She looked over each piece with awe.
The old man gave her a crooked smile and picked up a bracelet made out of blue and green beads.
"These aren't just any old trinkets, they have stories behind 'em."
This peaked my interest as well as Emmony's.
"Stories?"
"Yes, yes. Like this bracelet in my hand, well it once belonged to an old pythoness."
"Really?"
"This pythoness lived on the other side of Edalirwen- if you believe it exist."
She smiled. "I believe it does."
I never knew whether or not the other side of Edalirwen was as people spoke of. My mother used to read me stories or recite tales told by most, of the other side. It wasn't like this side of Edalirwen- it was more mysterious. No one had ever traveled to the other side and return, so not many believed the tales and legends to be true. But a few did. I used to.
"How much do you want for it? If you're willing to part ways with it."
"Nothing, it's yours."
He handed her the bracelet even as Emmony insisted upon paying him.
"No, no, it's yours my dear."
Finally, she accepted it and we wandered over to a small creek near the edge of the square.
Emmony fastened on the bracelet then stared down at the water.
"Funny how the streams never run out water, isn't it?"
I glanced down as well.
"Why would they?"
"Well they're always running day and night, you would think that after so many years of running it would run dry eventually. I just find nature so amazing sometimes."
Something hit me in the back of the head causing me to turn around. Emmony turned around as well.
On the ground was a small ball and running to get it was a young boy who looked to be about ten. He reached down to retrieve it, giving me a sheepish face.
"Oh, did I hit you, sir?"
"I'm fine."
"Oh, ok." His smile returned and he dashed back to where his friends stood waiting for him.
It was the four of them, smiling and jumping around, laughing together like friends would do.
"Throw the ball better next time, Coxen." Another boy said playfully teasing.
"Alright, come on."
The four of them ran off and I couldn't help but stare at them as they went. They looked like they were happy to have each other as friends. This only made the bitter taste of this trip more prominent.
"What's wrong?"
I broke my graze. "Nothing."
"Ok, well, I'm getting hungry do you want to see what they're selling?"
My attention returned to the group of children playing. They yell out at each other with smiles and grins on their faces.
"Yes, let's go."
We entered back into the heart of the square, and this time, went over to see what foods they had. Emmony persuaded me into trying a strange stew that had a stranger taste to it. We sat and ate outside the butcher's shop and watched the people moving about.
"This village is so calm and much smaller than the one I grew up in?"
I pulled my hood down lower. "Is this what you wanted to show me?"
"Kind of, yeah. Why? Were you expecting more? I knew that you never really been in a village before, so I thought we visit one and just talk."
"It's fine."
"Everything's just fine to you."
I didn't glance up, but I could hear the frown in her voice.
"I thought we could talk today, but I don't know...you seem...distant for some reason."
Gripping the bowl, I didn't reply. Instead, I observed a couple smiling at each other, whispering words I couldn't make out.
"Xalale."
Returning my attention to her, I could tell she was a bit upset.
"Talk to me."
"Talk about what?" I asked.
"Anything. I don't care if you talk about your favorite color for hours, just-" She glanced away for a second. "We haven't seen each other in years. I want to talk again."
I bit my lip, trying to come up with something to say, but nothing came out.
She lowered her voice to nearly a whisper.
"Talk about anything, because once the day is over I'll have to go back to Alayssi and be trapped in a dull cycle and I hate feeling trap."
I didn't know why, but her words made me upset. It could've been the fact that she was right- once we parted ways, we might not see each other again for a while. Or it could've been the choice of words. Trapped, dull, cycle; all those described my life more than she knew- more than I wanted to admit.
I got up, placing aside my bowl, and begun to walk away. I didn't want to be around this constant reminder.
"Xalale? Xalale!"
She followed until eventually she caught up.
"What's wrong? Something's wrong. Tell me."
Her eyes were filled with question and concern, pleading with me to tell her what was wrong.
"Don't let the emotions get the better of you."
But even as I thought that, I couldn't help the anger from rising. I just needed to be alone. I pulled away from her, hoping she would understand, but her expression stayed the same and she continued to follow.
"Just tell me what's wrong?" The concern was still in her voice, but frustration lined it as well.
Her hand caught my cloak and I turned to pull it from her grasp- my anger building even more.
"Emmony, just let me be!"
Then there was the familiar, heart-sinking feeling that went through me every time the black mist would come. It was a dark, negative curtain that would come out quickly and disappear even quicker. I didn't even feel it rising.
The force of it was strong, knocking Emmony and everyone down. My mind was in shock from the suddenness of it, but my body immediately felt the usual repercussions.
There were cries from the crowd as they picked themselves up and glanced around. The jewelry man's cart was on its side, its piece strewn about.
My thoughts were interrupted by more startled cries from the crowd.
"He's choking!...What is that!...Somebody help him!"
Their eyes were drawn to a man being choked by a tendril of black mist still clinging around his neck.
His face was full of terror as his life was being choked out of him. His eyes wildly searched the crowd, begging for help.
I was frozen stiff, staring as his face turned from light blue to a deep purple.
"Is that me? Am I doing this?" This was something I'd never seen myself do before.
The only thing to wake me from my thoughts was Emmony, who was by my side watching in horror as the life drained from the man eyes.
"Somebody needs to do something."
It was only then I realized my hand was in a fist- white knuckled and throbbing. Unclenching my fist, everyone rushed to the fallen man's aid once the serpentine tendril let him go. Emmony continued to stand by me, holding a hand to her chest. I was mentally and physically tired.
Murmurs from the crowd grew to panic again.
"It was him! The one with the cloak!"
My body tensed up as everyone glared at me. Fingers pointed my way.
"Dark magic!...No, evil magic!...Demon!"
They yelled out with hatred burning in their eyes. Children hid behind their parents, giving scared looks. I was surrounded by angry glares, by terrified whimpers, pointed at with accusing fingers.
I wanted to apologize, to try to explain myself, but like my usual problem, no words would come.
"Sorcerer...devil's magic...monster!"
Finally, I couldn't take the stares, the looks, the fear in every one of their eyes anymore. I ran past them, down the streets, past the houses, and into the woods.
I needed to be alone and to calm down.
The farther I ran, the denser and darker the forest became- light could barely break through the trees- but I wanted to be in the dark, I wanted to hide and be hidden in the shadows, away from everyone.
In the distance ahead there was a clearing where the light seemed to be able to shine through. I fled to the spot.
Not noticing it at first, but upon closer inspection, there in the middle of the small clearing was a well.
There was a sitting bench made around the sides of the well. Looking down, I could the well had no water; it had been dried up for some time.
"Just like my life."
I bury my face in my hands, trying to calm myself down.
"I didn't even know it was about to happen, there weren't any signs."
Everyday I was waking up just to fail again. My powers were one day going to get the best of me and there wasn't anything I could do to stop it. I was giving myself delusional dreams thinking I could control the uncontrollable.
I never wanted this. I wanted to be like my mother and have something beautiful, not something shameful and dangerous.
I might have sat there in that position for about fifteen minutes before I heard my name being called.
"Xalale. Xalale. Please answer me."
It was Emmony.
I already knew I couldn't face her. What would she think?
Getting up to go, I hesitated, giving her ample enough time to spot me. She rushed over before I could slip away, grabbing my arm.
"Wait. We need to talk." She said firmly.
"Emmony, let me be, just this once." I didn't look her in the eyes.
"No. You shouldn't run from this."
"You don't understand. Let go of my arm before I hurt you."
"You're not going to hurt me. I know what happened back there was an accident. I know I provoked you, I'm sorry."
"It doesn't matter, you don't understand."
"Then help me understand, Xalale!"
It was unusual for Emmony to ever raise her voice to a yell, but I knew she was frustrated.
I grit my teeth and tried to pull out of her grasp. "I can't."
"I'm not those ignorant townspeople, Xalale. I can handle it."
I finally pulled free from her grip, but didn't run away, instead I faced her. She was sad and frustrated, but not angry.
"Why does it matter if I help you understand?"
"So I know how to help you. I'm your friend, Xalale, I want to help you."
"You're going to betray me if I try to."
"I would never-"
"I'm sure that's what they all thought."
She gave me a puzzled expression.
"What are you-"
I backed away. "Your mother did it. My mother did. My friends did it. You're going to do it to sooner or later and I'm not going to be the fool for a fourth time."
"I don't understand." She said shaking her head.
"There's a lot you don't understand and I can't make it any clearer myself." My voice was hard.
"I don't understand what you've been through since I last seen you, Xalale. But...you don't have distance yourself in order to protect yourself."
I glanced away. "You're going to be scared of me soon, you're going to have fear in your eyes like everyone else- you're no different."
"Look at me. Look into my eyes." Her voice cracked which caused me to finally look at her. "Do you see any fear?"
There were tears glistening in her eyes. Her face held concern and determination- something so familiar it hurt. I looked away again.
"I'm not scared of you Xalale. I never have been, I never will."
Every fiber of my body was telling me to flee, to run far away and not look back, but the look in her eyes kept me there.
"I know you Xalale. You would never hurt anyone on purpose. I know you."
"My mother knew me. Swethyna knew me. Why does everyone forsake me then?"
"I don't know, I can't answer that, but...but I won't betray you."
It hurt to hear the sincerity in her voice, because I wanted to believe her, to trust somebody again, but I'd been put down too many times to be tricked into games.
She must've sensed I was about to run off again, because she grabbed my arm and pulled me into a hug.
"I'm sorry for what you've been through, I'm sorry for leaving for so long. I know everybody has abandoned you, but I'm here now and I want to understand. You can trust me."
I didn't expect the tears to come, but hugging her back caused them to come.
Even though life was uncertain at this point, I knew I had my one true friend back and I wasn't letting go again. There was finally someone who was willing to try instead of fear.
"I trust you."