Chapter Twenty-Six

I could feel Wren's eyes on me as I stared down at the tray of untouched food.

He wasn't going to leave until I ate, but for some reason, the homemade pasta dish with fresh baked garlic bread didn't appeal to me. In fact, the smell of the garlic was making me nauseated, so I finally just looked up at Wren and he glared at me, his arms tightening over his chest.

"You have to eat something," Wren stated.

"I'm really not hungry."

"You haven't eaten since the day before yesterday. I want to see you at least bite some bread."

"If I put that in my mouth right now, I'm going to vomit."

Wren made a noise of supreme disgust. He finally took the tray away, only to place it on a nearby cart to leave for whoever would take it to the kitchen. I felt a little guilty about wasting the food, and upsetting Wren, but the last thing I needed with my stomach churning like this was food.

Or maybe it was just feeling like absolute shit that made me not want to eat.

I felt so... lost.

I had done everything I could to try and keep Polly alive, and maybe a part of me knew that she was dying this whole time. That there was nothing I could do. I kept trying anyway because I couldn't accept it; I couldn't wrap my head around losing her after all this time, after all that work and the suffering. Holding her while she cried or trying to calm her during a fit. All of that had wound up with Polly unconscious in a bed anyway, slowly withering away until there was nothing left.

Wren was trying to be positive, telling me Hades knew what he was doing and he was going to do everything he could, but the one person who hadn't been trying to reassure me this whole time was Hades. I didn't need to be a mind reader to know that Hades knew Polly was dying and there was no hope.

It was why he was actively avoiding me now.

He had even skipped a morning blood draw.

Which meant I would need to find him and confront him on my own. It was just a little hard with Wren constantly hovering now. Since Elias had blown up and I had gotten confirmation from Kali that Polly was, in fact, dying, he'd been on me like white on rice. He followed me everywhere, watched me like he was trying to figure out what my next move would be, and I couldn't blame him.

I didn't exactly have a great track record of staying in one place for very long.

"It doesn't make any sense to me," Wren was muttering when he returned to the bedside so he could help me change my bandages, "You said April wasn't even that nice to him." I sighed as Wren slid the bandages off my shoulder. It was sore and tender, but the wound was mostly healed, save for the pieces Hades had pinned aside to leave access for my bionic arm when it was complete.

"Nice at the compound is... not what you think," I muttered, making him glance at me as he smeared the ointment on my skin, "The fact that April didn't torment Elias and probably helped feed him, or do anything else that is considered the bare minimum, probably came off to him as caring. He was just coming off two whole weeks of being alone in a compound full of corpses." Wren grimaced at the imagery as he started to wrap fresh bandages over my shoulder.

"Gods, that place was fucked up."

"I just wished I had done all of this sooner," I whispered and Wren frowned at me as I looked at the bed, "I should have just done all of this when Milo first told me to."

"You wanted to believe Hera was a good person."

"I knew she was doing bad shit, though," I muttered, making Wren frown slowly, "I knew she was up to some sneaky shit and I knew she was doing some fucked up stuff, but... I mean, everything Milo told me about Hades, about Hera, it completely went against how mother raised me, up until a certain point. At some point, I was starting to see what Milo did, but if I had just paid attention..."

"It's not your fault," Wren said, making me glance at him doubtfully, "It's not, Jasper. People make mistakes sometimes and maybe waiting made things a little messy, but we're going to figure it out, okay? We're going to fix this and Hades is going to help." I sighed.

"I don't know where you guys get your utmost confidence in Hades," I muttered. Wren smirked as he finished off the bandages, pausing to give them a gentle pat and I looked at him as he stared at me.

"I don't know what it is, Jasper, but when I look at Hades, I feel hope. So maybe someday you'll see the same thing," he offered. I doubted that. I didn't say anything and he just gave me a kiss on the cheek before he checked his phone.

"I have to run an errand real quick."

"Hope it's not a Winged Serpent errand," I said. Wren smirked and actually pinched my cheek, giving it a little pull as I groaned.

"No, I canceled my membership there," he said and I blinked, looking up at him in surprise and he stared at me drolly, "I have a partner now. Why would I need them?" I didn't know what to say to that. He rendered me speechless and that seemed to amuse him as he leaned in and gave me a kiss on my cheek now.

"I'll be back in a few, and for the record, I had Niko seal off any exits," he said, heading for the door and I scowled after him, throwing my hands up in exasperation, but he shrugged as he opened the door, "I wouldn't have to have him babysit you if I thought you'd stay put for three seconds."

"Okay, but Niko? Really?"

"And don't think about trying to buy his affection out of here."

"Why would I do such a thing?"

"Because you're a glutton for punishment, now stay," Wren ordered, then shut the door when he left. I watched him go, scowling because I did have an instinct to just get up and leave the palace, but I also wasn't in the mood to buttheads with Niko on leaving. I stayed in bed for a while, wondering if the errand would be quick or not.

I got bored after five minutes and finally got up to do a little wandering.

I may not be allowed to leave the palace, but I could at the very least do some walking and stretching. I was used to working out regularly, but with my arm the way it was, Hades had told me not to do anything strenuous, just an occasional walk.

So that was how I found myself walking down the hallway of the palace without an actual destination in mind. I did stop by the lounge to see if anyone was hanging out there, but it was cleared out for the most part. The garbage was overflowing, which meant they had finished their dinner recently.

I had opted to eat in my room, even though I didn't end up eating.

It was just hard to swallow anything when it felt like I was teetering on the edge of something.

It felt like I was walking a tightrope and just one wrong step away from being a stain on the floor. I didn't exactly feel at ease in the palace either. It was so huge and gaudy. Everything was clean and seemed to sparkle and shine. It was very much decorated as if Hades and Lucifer themselves had sat down and discussed every piece of art on the wall, from an oil painting of a pomegranate tree to statuettes of angels or demons carved from marble.

Peculiar, I noted, that people in the outside world felt like they wanted to decorate their abodes. I thought back to the apartment Milo and I had shared at the compound, but we really never had anything we could call our own. All of it was provided to us by the guardians, by mother. There were no cute decorations on the wall, no family photos, no statues or flowers or anything.

It was sterile.

The palace was nothing like that. Everywhere you looked, you could see some form of Hades or Lucifer. It wasn't just the art or the style of the decor either, but the photos that seemed to be particularly placed. Near the lounge were photos of, much to my surprise honestly, the artificials and the Cousins. There was a cute photo of Hadrian with Three and Six congratulating him on a dancing competition he'd won. They were absolutely thrilled to be there with him and while Hadrian wasn't good at making facial expressions, I could see the twinkle in his eyes at having Three and Six there to support him in his endeavors.

A photo of Niko and River standing together outside under a stone archway decorated in vines and white lilies. Both of them were dressed in military attire, the black battle uniform with River's pins and medals gleaming in the sunlight, Niko facing him with his own uniform that was currently sparse of awards, but I knew someday Niko would be flaunting and jingling his awards shamelessly.

A photo of Lumen, Daphne May, and Wren all standing around a little altar that was set up for Samhain, sharing cider and laughter. Wren looked so cute and carefree. I could tell how much he loved his cousins just by the way he looked at them. He loved and cherished his family and I loved that passion, loved that connection.

Looking at the photos as I went along, I realized the photos really told a story. Or perhaps, a dozen. Each photo was like a glimpse in their minds without having to actually read their minds.

Another one further down the hallway revealed another side of the family I had been actively avoiding. It was an image of Ryk with Hades and Rowan. There appeared to be some kind of award ceremony and Ryk was holding his award, looking anxious, like he was waiting for Hades to give him praise, and while I'm sure he would've loved to hear Hades express it vocally...

If he just turned around, he'd see that Hades's eyes were sparkling with pride.

Hades adored Ryk.

I could see the love Rowan had for him too, but there was a lot more fear in Rowan's eyes than there was in Hades's. There was a dark fog to Rowan that I knew stemmed from his depression, maybe trauma he experienced since he left the Paradise realm. I didn't know the heavy details of Rowan's past and I tried not to delve too much into it.

It felt like I was violating something, some kind of unspoken rule.

There was a line between myself and Hades, Rowan, and Yiuwa.

I wasn't sure who drew it, but it felt like I wasn't allowed to cross it. Crossing over there meant that I was accepting their roles in my life. Crossing meant that I was accepting that part of the family, accepting the brotherhood, and fatherhood.

I didn't want to cross that line.

I already lost everything once.

I was still losing too.

I didn't know how much more I had left in me until I was completely lost.

I stared up at the photo of Hades, who was standing beside Rowan, and in front of them was a class of medical students, one of whom was Ryk, sitting up front with some classmates.

Hades was really good at being stoic, and so was Rowan. Both of them were solid stern educators in the photo, but Ryk looked a bit softer, a little more nervous. I could sense the tension between Rowan and Hades just from the photo. They weren't exactly far apart, but they weren't standing beside each other comfortably. There seemed to be a good few feet apart, and Hades was almost trying to keep Rowan out of his peripheral vision.

Rowan was, as usual, stoic and staring straight ahead, hands folded neatly in front of him. He looked like a prim and proper gentleman, especially in his three-piece suit, sans the jacket. Except the closer I looked, the more I noticed he clearly hadn't slept in days. The guy had dark circles under his eyes, there was almost a touch of... gray to his eyes.

No, Rowan already had enough on his plate, and so did Hades.

The last thing they needed was another fuck up climbing up from the pits of Gehenna.

"If you stare at him long enough," a voice said, making me stiffen when I recognized Yiuwa's thick accent, "He might turn to look at you." I turned to see Yiuwa approaching me from the nearby stairs. I hadn't even realized I walked that far. I watched Yiuwa come forward, noting some of his mannerisms reminded me of Ryk.

He was polite and proper. His light gold eyes for a brief moment reminded me of what I saw in the reflection from time to time, and there was a slight narrowing in the corners I also recognized, not just from myself, but Ryk as well. He was tall too, taller than Rowan and Rowan was no small creature, but compared to Yiuwa, he seemed almost delicate.

"Is this an episode of Scooby-Doo?" I asked him. Yiuwa frowned.

"I don't know what that is."

"That's very sad. It's a classic," I said and Yiuwa cocked his head, almost like he was waiting for more, but I wasn't really in the mood to chat it up with someone I was trying to avoid, so I just gave him a tight smile, "Gonna go wait for Wren." I started to walk away.

"Are you going to run away every time we are alone together?" Yiuwa asked.

I stopped walking, but didn't turn around. I felt Darling shift under my skin. He wasn't mad, but rather, reacting curiously to the presence of Yiuwa's Beast. I think he recognized him from when we'd been together in the compound, but I wasn't in the mood for Darling to play with anyone.

And I sure as fuck wasn't in the mood to chat.

"I'm respecting a boundary," I said at last, making Yiuwa frown as I turned to glance at him, "I don't mind helping with the mission to kill Hera. I don't mind checking in on the artificials. I don't mind helping Wren keep his family safe. But that's it."

"Are you not even slightly interested in trying to form a relationship with us?" Yiuwa asked. I stared at him.

"I lost the most important person," I stopped abruptly, then cleared my throat to keep my voice from cracking, "I have lost a lot of important people, and I'm about to lose some more. I'm so tired of losing, so excuse me if I'm not really big on forging more relationships just to see them get flushed down the toilet." I was surprised I answered him at all, but there was a hint of pain in his eyes when he spoke.

He wanted something out of me. I wasn't sure what it was. Maybe he just genuinely wanted to know another child. Or maybe he wanted to see what I knew about Hera. I didn't really care at this point.

I was just... tired.

"I don't want to rush anything," Yiuwa said softly, his eyes searching my face and for some reason having a pair of eyes look so much like mine proving me made me uncomfortable and I looked away awkwardly, "I won't force a relationship if you don't want to, but I do want you to know that I am here if you need me. For anything. I don't care how trivial the request, a simple meeting for coffee. Whatever it may be."

"Why," I couldn't help, but ask, and Yiuwa's eyes seemed to almost... glow, "For all you know, I could be a monster." Yiuwa smiled slowly.

"You are far from a monster, Jasper," he said and his words somehow stole my breath, because all I could do was stare at him as he studied me for a moment, then approached carefully. I watched him step up to me and we were pretty much even in height, save an inch or two. He lifted his hand, then paused, like he was waiting for permission and I just gave him a single nod.

His fingers brushed my temple, and the touch was so soft, so gentle, like he was touching something unspeakably precious. I felt my breath catch in my throat and Yiuwa's gold eyes found mine, his smile getting so wide that the tips of his fangs were visible.

"You may have my brutal strength, my cursed soul, and my terrible temper," he murmured, then sucked in a deep breath as he laid his palm against my cheek, "But you also have every ounce of love, passion, and dedication that the person I love has." I blinked.

"You have Rowan's deep sense of justice, his passionate empathy that makes him desperate to help others. You have this playful wink in your eyes when you're around the artificials that reminds me of Rowan. You have his beautiful charming smile, his shy, coy little glances when he thinks no one is looking. You have his god awful sense of humor," he added with a helpless laugh, his thumb stroking my cheek in a gesture so tender that I had to pinch my thigh to remind myself I wasn't just dreaming this.

"You are everything I fell in love with in Rowan," Yiuwa whispered, "It's... been a bit too long since I've seen these things in Rowan. It's so good to see them again." His breath hitched. I swallowed thickly.

The black fog in Rowan's mind, that swirling dark depression that seemed to just be sucking the light out of his eyes. Once a vibrant emerald green was now faded.

It was like seeing a candle flame slowly wither away.

It reminded me of how I felt after Milo. And seeing what it was doing to Yiuwa, what I'm sure it did to Kali... it hurt.

"He's still there," I said quietly. Yiuwa's eyes teared up, but he quickly blinked them away. He cleared his throat.

"I know. I'm just waiting for both of you to realize how incredibly precious you are," he said and I clenched my teeth, starting to look down to find an excuse to leave because this was getting too close, too real, but he caught me under the chin and made me look up to meet his eyes, "I know losing hurts. Believe me, this universe never fails to remind me of everyone and everything I've ever lost... but I have found my way again, in Rowan, in Hades, Ryk... you."

"I know it's scary, gods, believe me, I know, and when it's taken away, it hurts something fierce. It will never truly fade away either. Loss is a hole in the tapestry of our lives, but that is what makes a tapestry so beautiful, Jasper. Its use. Its age. Its endurance. Each hole, each tear, tells a story in our lives. And not all stories are good, but it only makes those that are good so much more important."

His words made me ache. They were poetic and raw and real. I didn't realize how much I desperately needed to hear all that until now.

"I believe the saying this universe has," Yiuwa murmured, cupping my face again, "is it not better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all? I would certainly rather love you as much as I can with whatever time the universe blesses me with." My breath left me in a quiet gasp that I didn't realize I'd been holding.

"I've already failed to protect the people I love before," I managed, making him look at me in concern, "I can't— I should've—"

"Hey," Yiuwa said firmly, squeezing my cheeks and I looked at him as he held my gaze, "Do not ever let your mind go there. You are responsible only for your own actions. The actions of others are not something you can control. You yourself have worked so hard to get your family to safety."

"But, Polly—" The emotional floodgates exploded open. I didn't expect them to, but something about the intensity of Yiuwa's eyes, his words. There was a fierce determination there that moved me to tears.

"Polly is in the best place she can be right now because you got her there, do you understand me," Yiuwa demanded when I choked on a dry sob, "You did that. You saved her. You saved Elias, even if he doesn't see that right now. When Michael asked Kali how she survived, she said it was you. Without you, she would have died."

The tears came in a rush because a part of me denied what he said, didn't want to take ownership of that, but suddenly I was thinking back to all the times I held Kali while Milo made her breakfast, the times I showed her how to brush her teeth, how to leash her Beast. I sat beside her to help her with schoolwork. I was waiting for her at the medical wing after her marriage battle against April. I held her hand through the first miscarriage.

But she claimed I saved her? Surely she got it mixed around.

With my memories surrounding Milo's death blurry, I didn't remember much, but I definitely knew that I would not have survived that without Kali.

"Stop letting Hera's voice get to you," Yiuwa murmured, making me look at him as he swept his thumbs under my eyes to catch the tears, "Whatever she has led you to believe, know that nothing she said was true. You are so incredible, Jasper. You have faced a lifetime of fear under the thumb of a ruthless dictator, you did what you had to in order to survive, but it does not mean you do not deserve everything good in the world, do you understand me? You are worthy and you are deserving and without you, the other artificials would not be here today."

I wanted to believe him. It was a long way from simply pushing him away and running.

No, I was pretty much having a mental breakdown in the fucking stairwell with someone who was a complete stranger, yet somehow knew me to the core. I hated letting myself break down and I had never cried so much in my damn life than I did the moment I accepted the fucking Wren mission.

But it felt so good.

Darling was just crying with me. He was moved, not by the words, of course, but the tone, by Yiuwa's passion. He really seemed to empathize and that was so wild because, was that always a thing or was that new?

I made a mental note to ask Hades about that later.

After sobbing until my eyes were puffy, I managed to stiffly excuse myself for a nap. Yiuwa was discreet and accepting, and gave me one last swipe across the cheek to clear the tears away before he left.

I watched him go before retreating to my room now that I was thoroughly exhausted.

Darling seemed weirdly content when we came back to the room. But then, he always seemed to be strangely content after I had a breakdown. He was always quiet and relaxed afterwards, as if the pent up emotion was a physical thing we had to experience in order to move on.

Milo had always emphasized feeling and expressing my emotions. Whether it was just bursting into tears because I was sad or screaming when I was angry, or laughing until I had tears in my eyes. Or swooning over his lovey-dovey talk. Milo wasn't ashamed of his emotions, he wasn't ashamed of our relationship, and he happily flaunted it everywhere he went.

He was proud of me.

He was proud of us.

Perhaps it was why I had felt so comfortable finally breaking down in front of Yiuwa, but I still felt uncomfortable as I closed myself in my room to give myself some privacy. I crawled into the bed to wait for Wren, tugging the blankets up to my chin as I took a deep breath. In my chest, Darling also heaved a heavy sigh of relief as we settled.

Yiuwa's words ran around in my head. He was trying to comfort me. I tried to tell myself that it was just his attempt to smooth things over given how rocky they were, but at the end of the day, no one would hold and cry with a complete stranger. That was because Yiuwa did not see me as a stranger.

I was his son.

Accepting that was difficult.

The last time I had accepted a parent, she had turned out to be a goddamn gorgon.

I could tell myself I was too old for this bullshit. Things like family, parents, siblings. I had always called myself the brother of the artificials, because calling myself their father was scary. The kind of responsibility and accountability that came with parenthood was scary. I didn't want to accept that role and not be able to fill it properly.

Besides, I knew nothing about parenting.

But I knew how to be supportive and I knew how to be a friend, because Milo had given me that gift. He had taught me empathy and love and acceptance.

So I did my best while still trying to hang onto that pathetic hope that maybe Hera would calm down once she exacted her revenge. Except she wasn't just gunning for Hades, and I knew that, I knew she was trying to find a way to not only kill Hades, but to punish the world for what happened to her.

And that wasn't fair.

You did not have children with the intention to use them for yourself.

You had children because you genuinely wanted to raise a child. To see them grow, to see them blossom into a loving, kind person. Seeing Kali beat out her classmates in academics had always made me swell with pride, because I knew how hard she studied, how hard she worked to be able to do things on her own, even with April at her heels the whole way reminding her she was nothing without her help.

Except April was the dead one and Kali was blossoming without her.

I loved that for her. I loved seeing her get stronger, get bolder, more vocal.

I wanted to see that in Elias too, in Polly.

My eyes welled up and I sighed in frustration, rolling over with my back to the door as I tried to settle down. My brain was going a hundred miles a minute as I tried to sort through my feelings stirred up thanks to my talk with Yiuwa... and Kali too, because after she'd told me the truth about Polly, I had just left her. I ignored her calls for me to come back and I had ignored her text earlier in the morning.

I wasn't mad at her.

I was just... hurt?

Hurt that she didn't tell me about Polly before. Hurt that she just stood there and watched me fail over and over again. If it had been anyone else, I would've accused them of torturing me; forcing me to keep someone who was destined to die alive, no matter the cost to myself, or her.

But Kali wasn't like that.

She was just as heartbroken as I was about Polly. Her tears were real, her hurt, her fear.

It wasn't Kali's fault.

And as much as I wanted to turn that hatred inwards, I heard Yiuwa's voice in the back of my mind, reminding me that Hera's words meant nothing.

He was right.

None of this was my fault and none of it was Hades's fault either.

It was Hera's fucking fault for not moving the fuck on.

You'd think after several thousand years, she'd learn to get some help, from someone, anyone. She had gone on countless rants about how she was always abandoned or left alone with no one to help her.

Except she threw her first kid off a fucking mountain.

The first artificial that she failed to create died.

She had gone to Hades, but he couldn't help her. He had his own fucking trauma to deal with. Instead of leaving her husband to begin with, she turned to trying to kill him instead and when all those attempts failed, when Zeus's attention was drawn elsewhere, she took her chance and left.

And instead of moving on, getting the help she needed, she stewed.

She stewed in her own traumas, her nightmares, her misery, and she turned all that festering rage and hatred into her new personality. She was now a walking nightmare herself.

I wasn't dismissing what Hera had suffered and while I didn't know all the dirty details and didn't really want to, it did not excuse her behavior now. It did not excuse the people she tortured and traumatized.

Now she needed to face the consequences of her actions.

Abruptly I wasn't alone in my bedroom anymore.

I froze, laying with my back to the door as I heard footsteps moving across the room. I didn't move or change my breathing as I listened to very soft footsteps making their way to the bed. I waited to see if it was Wren climbing into bed, but that wouldn't make any sense.

It wasn't that late and only dark because I drew the curtains shut.

Wren wouldn't be back this soon, or this quietly.

If anything, he'd turn the lights on and demand I get out of bed.

I waited as I felt the bed dip and it took me a moment to realize the blankets were being lifted every so slightly. I scowled, confused as shit as I felt someone climbing under the blankets at the foot of the bed.

I moved fast, throwing my leg over the person to trap them between my knees and I heard a soft little squeak of surprise that I recognized. I cursed, jerking the blanket up and glaring under at Elias, who was squished between my knees with a little growl of frustration.

"Holy fuck," I managed, making Elias glare at me, "What are you doing?"

"Emmie guh!" Elias grunted. I rolled my eyes and loosened my hold, just enough so he could answer, but not enough for him to get away. He squirmed some more and I went to tighten my legs on him again, but he finally gave up and just looked up at me tearfully.

"Jasper, I'm sorry," he managed, making me scowl in confusion, "I'm so sorry, I won't yell at you ever again, I promise—"

"You just did—"

"They called them," Elias whispered harshly and I fell quiet as I stared at Elias's fearful red eyes darting around my face, "They called my genetic carriers, Jasper. They're coming here, they're coming to get me." I was briefly annoyed because no one told me that. No one told me they were even going to contact Elias's parents right now. I figured since they were waiting on Polly, they'd wait on Elias a little longer, but apparently they had bumped up that meeting.

"It's okay, Elias," I told him gently, but he was already shaking his head and he was literally trying to crawl up my body, "Ow, Elias, don't—" I didn't get to finish. Elias ignored me, bit me on the knee to force my legs open so he could crawl all the way up next to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing his face against my side.

I grimaced at the pressure on my sensitive left side, but didn't say anything.

Elias was crying now, and his trembling was practically scooching the bed.

"I don't want to die," he whimpered helplessly, making me grimace as I finally surrendered and rolled over to hug him as he wept, "I'm scared, Jasper. I'm so scared."

"They're not going to hurt you," I murmured, stroking the back of his head as he hiccuped and sobbed into my shirt, soaking it through, "Elias, who told you they would hurt you?" I gave him a moment to catch his breath, because it was suddenly an onslaught of I-I-I and buh-buh-buh. I continued to stroke his hair to try and calm him and it seemed to be working.

"They said it all the time at the compound," Elias sniffled, making me frown, "Guardian Amen told me that if they ever saw me, they'd rip my skin off my bones and make me eat it." I flinched and silently thanked fuck that Guardian Amen's name was on the list of guardians who'd committed suicide at his last compound.

"That's not true," I said immediately.

"He said they did it before," Elias sobbed, "He said they would torture me and take my body apart."

"That's absolute bullshit, Elias."

"How do you know that," Elias cried helplessly and I sighed as he broke down into another round of wailing sobs. I held him close as he just cried, his whole body trembling. It didn't matter what I said to him. It sounded like this Guardian Amen had made a harsh impression on Elias, feeding him usual bullshit lies that the guardians liked to whisper about.

They knew the shit they were saying wasn't true, but the artificials didn't.

Elias had seen the sun for the first time when we escaped his compound, only to arrive at another compound. He was still young, but his only experiences were with Hera's people and the compounds. He had never gone for a walk in the forest, never felt dirt on his feet, grass between his toes, or leaves falling and catching on his hair and clothes.

He'd never worn anything aside from the signature tracksuit of imprisoned artificials.

He'd never eaten a cheeseburger or rode a bike or read a book.

In fact, if Elias was supposed to be an experimental artificial, that meant he had no education whatsoever. He wasn't meant to know anything. He wasn't meant to want anything. He was meant to be locked up in a cage to wait until he was needed, and it was clear that the things they used him for were not good.

I didn't want to ask Elias about his experiences at the compound. I didn't want to scare him or upset him more than I already had.

So I did the only thing I could to get answers out of him.

I slipped into his mind to see what exactly I was dealing with.

The first memory simmering on the surface of Elias's mind was an image of him as a child sitting in a large chair, hooked up to machines that were whirring and clicking. He was strapped down by his ankles and wrists, tons of wires and cords coming off his body and connecting to the machines. He was crying too, big tears just rolling down his cheeks that were far too thin for his age.

In fact, it was clear he was small for his age in the present, but in the memory... he was so tiny. He was too small for that chair, his legs dangling over the edge, his little body trembling.

"Stop crying," a guardian came forward from behind one of the monitors, looking thoroughly fed up as he approached Elias, who wailed the closer he got, "Enough! You're disrupting the data. If you keep crying, I'm going to rip your vocal cords out and strangle you with them, do you hear me?" Elias screamed and the guardian groaned in frustration, reaching up to cover his ears for a moment before he abruptly lashed out and slapped Elias across the face.

Elias squeaked and shrank back, sobbing quietly now as the guardian glared at him impatiently.

"Grow up, you little shit. This is just the way things are. There's no point in crying about it, because it's just going to get worse from here."

Grow up?

He was literally five or six in the memory, and it made my stomach churn as I quickly ducked out of that memory to another one. This memory was of Elias when he was just a year or two older than the last one. He was still tiny, though, and even skinnier than he was in the last one. He was thin and lanky, and for a child, it was very unsettling.

In this one, he was back in that room with the two-way mirror that allowed the guardians to come and go, making notations on their tablets as they went along. Elias didn't seem to care that they were there. He had to sense them there, but he couldn't see them and he didn't understand why the mirror was there. So instead of being out in the open, not that there was much for him to do, he was actually tucked away under his bed.

I only saw him peering out, eyeing the mirror, then he'd duck back under and tremble, staring anxiously out at the floor.

It's coming, his mind raced with panic, I can hear them. I can smell them. They're close. I don't see them, but I know they're there. It's coming, I can tell, I can feel it. I wasn't sure what he was talking about until a moment later when the door to the room opened. Elias backed all the way up under his bed until he was against the wall, and I watched him tuck his fingers up into the metal slats on the underside of his bed, pulling himself up off the floor so he was pressed flush to the underside of the bed.

A guardian came in, wearing white scrubs and a white lab coat with a little name tag that read Guardian Amen. His snow white hair was coiled into a tight bun, his dark glasses sliding down his nose for a second before he pushed them up. He came in carrying a small tray with a peanut butter sandwich and a glass of cranberry juice. He dropped the tray unceremoniously on a nearby folding table. He looked around the room slowly, his dark eyes probing for a sign of Elias.

And a creepy smile came onto his face.

"Elias. You know better than to hide from me." He was silent for a moment longer. There was a click and abruptly the bed shot across the room and slammed into the wall. Elias was revealed to be under the bed now, trembling as he scrambled to get to the corner.

Guardian Amen smirked, amused, like he got off on scaring a child.

"There you are," he mused and Elias packed himself into the corner, shutting his eyes and covering his head, "Now don't be stubborn. If you don't eat, how do you expect to fight?" Elias didn't move, just sat trembling. Guardian Amen sighed, but he smiled, like he actually quite enjoyed what appeared to be a routine.

He came forward and grabbed Elias by a handful of hair, hauling him to his feet and shoving him at the table. Elias stumbled and hit the chair at the table, busting open his mouth, but when he opened his mouth to cry on instinct, Guardian Amen was behind him to give him a good swat on the back of the head.

My rage mounted just watching.

I left the memory quickly and found myself in a strangely quiet one.

Elias was older now, about the age he was presently, upper teens. He was sitting on his bed, his back against the wall, his hands folded in front of him as he stared hard at the door to the room. He wasn't moving, was breathing very quietly, staring at that door like he was waiting for it to open at any minute.

It's been... two... days? Two days. Because no breakfasts, no midday, no dinner.

Where is everyone?

Why is it so quiet?

Elias continued to stare at the door. Every so often, he'd get up and go to the mirror to peer through it, only to scurry back to his bed, hopping up onto the bed in the same position as before, facing the door and staring anxiously at it.

This was the day after the compound had been compromised, I realized.

Elias didn't know what was happening outside. He was waiting anxiously for the routine they had forced onto him. A routine they were no longer around to continue, because everyone in the compound was dead at that point.

Elias was alone.

I skipped forward and day after day, Elias sat facing that door, anxiously waiting for someone to come in and bring him food. He got up and walked around a little, went to the mirror to peer out, then would come slinking back to the bed. He would fall asleep only for a few minutes at a time before he was up and walking around. He even started tapping on the mirror towards the end of the last week.

Alone, Elias thought sadly as he sat on the bed once more and faced the door, dark circles forming under his eyes from lack of sleep and nutrition, I haven't felt anyone in days... weeks? I don't know what time it is... or what day it is. I feel funny, hungry... Thirsty? Is everyone gone...? Am I alone here forever? Am I going to die here alone? I waited for his eyes to well up with tears, but he seemed so... defeated. As if he was tired of crying. All he did was rest his cheek against his knees, staring at that door.

That's okay, his mind whispered as his eyelids grew heavy, at least it will be quiet. Dead looks so quiet... My throat closed up. I couldn't listen to anymore, couldn't see anymore, so I yanked out of Elias's head, relieved to find that he was just sniffling against me now. I swallowed thickly at the lump that had formed in my throat going through Elias's memories. I tightened my hold on him for a moment, breathing out a sigh and making him look up at me anxiously. I drew my lips down to his forehead to give him a firm kiss there and he sniffled.

"Elias, I'm so sorry," I murmured and his eyes welled up with tears again, but I found myself doing what Yiuwa had done for me; gently wiping his tears away as I cupped his face in my hands, "I am so sorry for everything you had suffered. If I could have gotten to you sooner, I would have, believe me. But you're here now, okay? You're here and you're okay and you're going to be okay." He sniffled and hiccuped.

"But Polly isn't okay, and they're gonna come get me, they're going to kill me—"

"Polly is getting the help she needs," I said firmly, pausing when I realized Elias was getting snotty-nosed, so I finally settled for using my sleeve to wipe the snot away from his face, "And you are going to get the help you need too. Your genetic carriers are not going to hurt you. I will be there the whole time and you'll see that they want nothing, but the best for you, Elias." He sniffled.

"But he's a god, he-he—"

"Not all gods are bad people, Elias. Just some bad people happen to be gods. Plus, you'll have two genetic carriers, two people to take care of you," I said and when Elias looked at me in confusion, clearly not understanding what that meant exactly, I found wishing for nothing more than them to care for Elias, the way he deserved, "They'll make sure you get plenty of food so you can get big and strong. They'll get you clothes, any kind of clothes you want, no matter how silly or strange. They'll show you the whole world and how it works. But, Elias, they will give you something so incredibly important." Elias stared at me, a little surprised now.

"What?"

"They're going to give you endless love and affection, endless hopes and dreams. They'll be there to help you whenever you're scared or nervous. They'll help you when you get mad. They'll be there to watch you laugh and be happy and they will love that for you, just like I do."

Elias seemed taken aback by that.

"But... Kali said that came from people we love. She meant, like April."

"No," I said softly, "April didn't understand love, Elias. She was scared of it and when people get scared like that, they do mean things to cover up how scared they are. April didn't... April didn't love Kali the right way. Kali deserved better and she will get better some day, but she wants to make sure you get better too." Elias sniffed a little.

"But, if my genetic carriers are supposed to love me, how do they know how to do that?"

"Because they come from a family overflowing with love," I said and Elias blinked, then looked up at me in wonder, "It's true. They have so much love in their family, Elias, that they want us to be part of it. Can you imagine? Going to a place that loves you so much they want to share life with you?"

"Gods can do that?" He whispered. I nodded.

"Anyone and anything can love, Elias. Just don't be scared of it, and don't be afraid to fight for it."

"What if it's scary?"

"That's the best part about love. Love persists no matter what. Love can even transcend death," I said. Elias stared at me, then seemed to go quiet as he absorbed that information. I was so relieved he was settled down enough to actually consider what I was saying. Before, he'd been so upset and distraught that just my presence upset him.

Now, he was glued to my side, fiddling with the lines of my bandages under my shirt.

"So... We can love Polly," Elias asked quietly, looking up at me with sad red eyes, "Even when she's gone, we can still love her lots." I had to swallow a couple times before answering.

"Yes," I managed, brushing the last tear off his cheek and he sniffed quietly, "You can love her as much as you want, and even if... even when she's gone, she'll still love us both very much too." Elias pursed his lips at that, like he wanted to make sure he didn't cry anymore, but I could see his eyes welling up.

"And, Elias," I added, making him look up, his tears falling again and I smiled sadly, wiping them away, "Don't be afraid to cry, okay? Crying is a good thing. It feels so much better afterwards." He just nodded and let himself cry some more. I held him as he wept some more, occasionally blubbering for more comforting words and I gave him whatever he wanted to hear.

It went a long way in soothing him.

I didn't even realize the door to the room had opened until Elias abruptly froze in my arms. He grabbed onto me under the blankets and didn't move. I carefully pulled the blanket down enough so that only I was exposed and I could see Wren giving me a confused, annoyed look.

"Okay," Wren said, folding his arms over his chest and I smirked as Elias blinked, giving me a confused scowl, "When I said I wanted you to get more social, I didn't mean in our bed."

"It's Elias," I said and Elias gave me a horrified look, but I rolled my eyes, "Calm down, it's just Wren." I sat up as Elias carefully peered out from under the blanket over at Wren, who looked at him and relaxed.

"Oh. That's fine then," Wren said with a nod, then came over and gave a look of askance to Elias to see if he could sit. Elias just nodded, looking confused as Wren took a seat.

"Are you mad cuz I'm in here?" He asked. Wren shook his head.

"Of course not," he said, then glanced at me, "I thought Jasper decided to go back to sleep, even though I told him to go talk to people." Elias looked at him, confused, then at me.

"You let him tell you what to do?" He asked. I laughed and Wren snorted.

"I don't let Wren do anything," I assured Elias, who cocked his head curiously, "Wren and I are... We love each other very much, and when you love someone, you don't tell them what to do. You just want them to do what's best for each other. Wren wanted me to make friends and not hide in my room." Elias blushed, giving Wren a shy look as he sat close to me, almost in my lap, so he could fiddle with the hem of my shirt.

"Are you mad cuz I hid in my room?" He asked quietly. Wren smiled.

"Of course not. Sometimes it's okay to hide in our rooms if we need alone time, but Jasper spends too much time alone and he goes a little crazy when he's alone," he said. I raised an eyebrow, interested in how Wren knew that, but it probably stemmed from his connection to Milo. Wren just gave me a knowing smile.

"He's hiding from Theo and Adonis," I told Wren, making Elias glare at me for something he apparently didn't want anyone to know, "What? Was it a secret?" Elias blushed.

"N-No, but. It sounds dumb."

"It's not dumb. It's okay to be scared sometimes," I said, then looked at Wren, "Right?" He nodded and Elias seemed interested in that, the idea that being scared was normal.

"Being scared is how we stay alive," Wren replied, "It's how we know to question things, to make sure we're making the right choice. Too much fear, of course, can be hard, but you can overcome it."

"But," Elias paused, looking at me before looking at Wren, "Thee... Ah, uhm, my genetic carriers. They're not scary?" Wren snorted.

"Theo is not scary. He likes to pretend he is, but he's not," he assured, making Elias blink in awe, "He likes scary movies and stuff, but that's about it. Did Jasper tell you he has a cat?"

"What's a cat?" Elias asked. Wren paused.

"Ah, it's... A type of animal. It's small and very soft. They have little claws and teeth, but they don't eat big things. They like fish and mice."

"A god owns that kind of creature?" Elias asked, looking at me and Wren made another noise that had Elias turning to him with a scowl as I laughed.

"Ah, Theo likes to think he owns Dagger, but it's kind of the other way around," Wren replied, then laughed a little, "And yes, his cat is named Dagger, but you can thank Adonis for the name."

"Adonis is his consort?" Elias asked. Wren smiled.

"Adonis is Theo's husband. He's technically human, but he was given immortality."

"One of my carriers is human?" Elias gasped in awe.

"Yeah, and humans are cool," Wren said, which seemed to blow Elias's mind, "They really are. Don't let them fool you. They're resilient and they fight for what they believe in. Humans aren't granted immortality often, because they can be pretty powerful in that case, so that makes Adonis pretty badass, if you ask me."

"Do I look like them? At all?" Elias asked.

"You have Theo's mouth," Wren deadpanned, making Elias blush and I laughed so hard that Elias actually elbowed me in the ribs, "You have Adonis's blonde hair. You have Hades's eye shape, I can see that already just seeing you next to Jasper." Elias's eyes got wide and he turned to look at me, taking my face in his hands so he could get a good look. I smiled at that as his expression went from fearful to absolutely amazed.

"We do," he whispered, "We do look similar! What else do we have in common? Does my eye color come from Theo or Adonis? Does he only have one cat? How big are cats? Do they watch movies on a big screen like Kali and April did, or is it a little one like the one in my room? Oh! And what kind of food do they have? I like fruit juice!"

I smiled as Wren happily answered all of Elias's excited questions that came rapid fire.

Finally, I thought in relief as Elias laughed at Wren's jokes about Theo's obsession with April Fool's day.

Finally, something's going right.