Chapter Twenty-One

"So what do you think of Michael?"

Kali looked up, clearly surprised by the question as we sat at the table in the meeting hall. It was only her and I, as Michael and Xiphrus wanted to see what else Hades had to show them in terms of her medical status. We let them go ahead and stayed behind. I had a feeling Kali was a little overwhelmed by meeting them and needed a second to decompress.

"He's... Very pretty," Kali said after a moment and I raised an eyebrow, giving her a droll stare that made her smile slowly, "He's not bad, Jasper. I think he's just uncomfortable too. It's new for all of us."

"He doesn't have to talk the way he does," I muttered. Kali cocked her head.

"Proper?"

"Like a douchebag."

"Calm down," Kali said with a smile, patting my hand on the table and I flipped it over to take her hand in mine, stroking her knuckles and she watched me, still smiling, "Maybe it wasn't what I was expecting, but... I like them."

"Are you sure," I asked, making her grin, "I can just get rid of Michael, no problem. Do you think I can catch angels with a bug net?" Kali laughed, shoving me and I grinned at her. She leaned over on the table, folding her hands together and smiling at me now.

"Wow, you seem so relaxed," she said, and I looked at her curiously, "No, more like, I feel like you're smiling more." I shrugged, awkwardly pinching at my nose to hide my face because her comment made me strangely self-conscious.

"Did I not smile before," I asked. Kali pressed her lips into a firm line, reaching out to brush the hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear.

"No," she said softly and I frowned at that, "It's just... been so long since I've seen you genuinely smile. It's nice to see."

"Ah. Well. Getting away from mother can do that."

"I don't think it's just that," Kali murmured and I averted my eyes, "You're seeing Wren seriously now, aren't you?" I rubbed at the back of my neck, glancing at the entrance to the main hall and wishing more people would come in here to get this shit on the road. I wasn't in the mood to discuss where Wren and I were at with our relationship.

Could I even call it that if I wasn't being completely honest about everything? Granted, for the most part I was, but somehow I felt letting it slip that I imprisoned D'Angelo after killing him would go over like a lead balloon. Of course, my intention wasn't for him to stay dead. The plan was to get to the apartment to let him go so he could proceed with the rest of the plan.

Except getting there was starting to turn into a pain in the ass.

"Jasper?" Kali asked.

"Hm?"

"Don't shut me out," Kali said quietly and I started to protest that wasn't the case, but she took my hand and gave me a firm squeeze, staring into my face, "I know what you're doing. You think I don't know you well enough by now? Why do you want to run from Wren? What's making it so complicated? Can I help in some way?" Her offer warmed my heart. I took her hand between mine.

"I just need to fix one last thing," I said, making her frown at me, "One last order of business. Then I will tell you everything you want to know." Kali eyed me.

"That scares me."

"Why?"

"Because it sounds like you're saying goodbye," Kali said and I grimaced.

"No, I'm not going anywhere," I replied and Kali looked at me doubtfully, but I gave her hand another squeeze, "I'm not, Kali. I just want to make sure everything falls the way it should, because trust me, it's going to make life a lot easier." Kali frowned, but she didn't argue with me. We didn't have much time to chat further because people were starting to come into the hall.

"Oh hey," Three said when he entered and saw us, beelining for us as Six followed while shaking his head, "Kali, I saw Xiph and Michael. Congrats!" Kali blinked, then looked at me and I just raised an eyebrow in silence. She looked back at Three and offered him a confused smile.

"Ah, thanks, I think."

"Michael's not bad once you get used to him," Six said, making Kali look at him, "He's prickly because he and Hades don't get along. You'll learn to get used to their shit-talk. At least it's not as bad as Joxeia and Hades."

"Joxeia?" Kali asked.

"Six's other dad," Three replied, "Six's genetic carriers are Joxeia and Zeus." Kali paled at Zeus's name and looked at Six, who looked at her with an expression that said he totally understood that reaction. It made sense since the mother had fed us story after story of Zeus's sexual exploits and torture-fests. It sounded like maybe the idea was unfounded, but there was something about Six's expression that said there was a lot more we didn't know about them.

I just wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Oh," Kali murmured, then frowned, "What about Polly? Has she been conscious enough to find out who her carriers are?" I clenched my teeth because I didn't have an answer to that, and when I looked at Three and Six, then reflected my worry.

"Ah, no, we haven't actually heard anything about her yet," Six replied softly, "In fact, I think that might be part of the reason Hades is calling us altogether." Kali and I exchanged wary glances. It wasn't comforting to hear that Polly wasn't going to be joining us, and could very well be the topic of our discussion. It made my stomach hurt, because what if the news was bad?

What if Polly was untreatable?

Eventually the others started arriving. Six and Three's boyfriend, Hadrian, was the next to arrive with his sister, Lumen by his side. Hadrian I had seen plenty of times, if not in person or in passing, then at least on the big screen. He looked just like he did in his posters; all cleaned up, proper, feminine yet when he spoke, his voice was firm and deep. His long hair was coiled into a loose bun and he appeared to be wearing black workout clothes, indicating he'd probably come from practice for his dance routines.

Lumen looked tired, her hair rumpled, but she smiled in greeting as they approached.

"Hello," she greeted me, "My name is Lumen. My apologies for not introducing myself earlier. I am not a morning person." I offered her a smile and took her hand to shake.

"No apology necessary. I'm never fully awake," I added, making her chuckle.

"Five should be coming soon," she added with a little smile, "She's not used to being allowed to sleep in this late, so I think she's taking advantage as much as she can." I smiled at that, amused. In fact, a quick little scan of Lumen's mind revealed how she had left Five. The artificial had been left to sprawl on the bed spread-eagle, wearing an oversized t-shirt, surrounded by thick fluffy blankets and pillows. The peaceful image was reassuring and when I came back to reality, I saw Lumen giving me an almost knowing smile.

I flushed at being caught.

"Sorry," I muttered, "I can't really help it." Lumen shook her head.

"It's okay. I know you're worried about her, so feel free to check on her whenever you'd like," she answered. Relieved she understood, I nodded and they came and took their seats. I watched Hadrian pause to lean over Six's seat, giving him a kiss on the cheek that had Six blushing all sweet and cute. Three gave Six a bored stare, then tensed when Hadrian leaned over and kissed him on the head, successfully making him blush too.

"Good morning, Hadiferian family," came Niko's announcement from the entrance and we turned to give him deadpan stares as he came strolling in with River following close behind, looking nervously at a tablet in his hands.

"I've never pegged you as a morning person," Six told Niko, who shrugged as he walked in and spun out the chair at the head of the table to plop down. River seemed distracted by the tablet and almost walked past him, but Niko took his hand and led him into the seat beside him. River just let him, still distracted.

"Where's everyone else? Where's Wren?" Niko asked. All eyes went to me and I stared at Niko, pretending everyone wasn't staring.

"Wren went to find Hades, but I think he missed him. Who else are we expecting?" I asked. Niko nodded.

"They'll probably come together. We're waiting on Five, Seven, and the rest of the Cousins," he answered. I nodded. The Cousins consisted of the younger generation of the Hadiferian family, and had been labeled The Cousins with a dire tone added because it seemed wherever those guys ended up, trouble seemed to follow. It usually boiled down to mindless stupidity or their royal titles.

"Seven's going to arrive with Hannibal," Six said, looking down at his phone, "He just texted they were about to head over. Thirteen is staying with Akin."

"Is Daphne-May actually gonna make it on time?" Niko asked, looking at Six, who opened his mouth to answer, but the answer came as a jubilant shout from the entrance. We turned to see Daphne-May come skipping into the room, right up behind Niko, so she could throw her arms around his neck from behind and squeeze him.

It was the kind of thing normal friends did. The kind of thing that would have been way out of the norm at the compound, and something Niko would not have enjoyed. I almost expected him to throw the little female over his head, but instead, he groaned and tilted his head back to glare up at her.

"What if it hadn't been me sitting here," he grunted as Daphne-May gave him a big ol' kiss on the cheek, "What if it was Hades?"

"I would've seen the top of Hades's head," Daphne-May told him with a grin, giving him another tight hug, "Plus, I can't miss your voice anywhere."

"Why, cuz I'm loud?"

"Super loud. I heard you all the way in Inferi."

Their conversation, their banter, was all so casual and friendly. Clearly Niko had warmed up to the Cousins. It made sense if he was here this entire time we'd been looking for him. It was interesting to see Niko interact with the Cousins, because he seemed to fit right in.

"There's my second favorite cousin," a voice said and I followed it to Floki, who was coming into the hall with Keros and Holly training behind him. I recognized all of them, seen all of them before, but it took a quick scan of their minds to recall exactly who they were and what they meant to Niko.

Floki was the only dearly beloved son of Dania and Alexis, grandson to Hades and Lucifer, and one of the more troublesome Cousins. Much like his mother, Floki liked to cause chaos wherever he went. He was also a treasure hunter, but instead of hoarding it for himself, Floki had taken it upon himself to start stealing already stolen items and returning them to their proper owners... most of the time.

Keros and Holly were twins, belonging to Blaine and Cerberus. They'd gotten their height from Cerberus, clearly, given that both of them were over six foot six. Keros with his hair buzzed on the sides and back, longer on top so it fell in a neat modern style, his glowing eyes sweeping the room and immediately stopping on me with the intensity of a thousand suns.

Of course, where Keros was cautious, Holly was not.

"Well, hi there," Holly said the moment she saw me, a slow appreciative smile coming onto her face, "Who's the new guy and are you single?" I smirked at her.

"Don't even try it," Niko said, throwing his hand back to whack Holly in the stomach and Holly grunted, "Wren's already called dibs. You can wait for the next one." Holly groaned, giving me a long wistful stare.

"Wren? Really," she asked, then turned to look at me again, "Are you sure?"

"Ask him," Niko said, gesturing with a thumb behind him at the doors where Wren was just walking in with Hades. Holly turned with the intention to ask, then stopped. She stared at Wren, stared at the mark on his neck. Wren scowled at her, clearly confused. Holly turned back to me, eyes dropping to where the mating mark was on my neck. She groaned out loud before she went to Hades, who scowled at her when she took his arm against her.

"Hades, how come everyone else gets to find a lover and bang? Where's my free girlfriend?" She asked. Hades grimaced at her, pushing her off his arm as she elbowed him instead.

"Holly, there are multiple reasons you don't have a partner and it's not because there's one waiting at a compound somewhere," he said dryly and Holly just sighed and shrugged, "Anyway, everyone sit your asses down. This meeting is going to start as soon as everyone gets here. There's no time to delay." He paused to look down at Niko, who tilted his head back to stare up at him.

"Am I in your spot?" Niko asked.

"Yeah, sort of."

"Oh, well, sucks to suck then," Niko replied, folding his hands behind his head and leaning back in his seat. Kali's eyes widened at that. She clearly could not comprehend the absolute disrespect that came out of Niko's mouth, directed at someone we'd been told would kill us just for looking at him wrong. Of course, her fears were immediately put at ease... or maybe confused, because all Hades did was snort and ruffle Niko's hair violently, which made the artificial make a noise of dismay.

"How am I supposed to walk around looking like a prince when I'm being abused?" Niko demanded, reaching up to smooth his hair down. River gave him a deadpan stare, then reached up to adjust some of Niko's flyaways. Niko seemed content with that. Hades rolled his eyes at them, then settled for a seat beside him as he set up his tablet.

As soon as he was seated, the last few members of our group arrived.

Seven came in with Hannibal walking beside him like a dutiful bodyguard and father. Seeing them together like that, both in military regalia, it was no wonder Hannibal was obsessed with the kid. He had Akin's pretty looks, but Hannibal's coloring and badass saunter into the room. Five also joined them, immediately going to sit beside Lumen, who smiled up at her and took her hand.

She gave Five's knuckles a couple gentle kisses as she led Five down into her seat. Five flushed, glancing nervously around as if she were afraid others were looking. Of course, no one was paying attention, except my glance and when I met Five's eyes, watched them widen for a second, I just smiled.

Five. This isn't the compound, I projected, watching her blink and stare at me in surprise, don't ever be ashamed of being in love, or being loved. Five stared at me, her eyes shimmery for a moment, then she swallowed thickly and gave me a nod before turning to Lumen, who was looking at her curiously. Five chewed at her bottom lip, before peering up at Lumen.

"Sorry," she murmured and Lumen frowned, "Ah, for before... I... am not used to being so affectionate in public." Lumen relaxed, shaking her head and giving Five's hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Don't apologize. I understand. Or, I mean, I don't, but you know what I mean," she said softly and Five smiled in relief, "We can go at your own pace. If I ever make you uncomfortable, please tell me. I don't want you to suffer in silence, okay?" Five just nodded, looking so thrilled that Lumen was understanding and kind.

"Hey," Seven said when he saw Niko, giving him a jab in the shoulder as he passed and Niko scowled at him, "Don't give me that. Thirteen's been calling Lucifer Lucy constantly. You're lucky the guy thinks it's cute."

"Why is it my fault," Niko complained, "He just repeats what he hears, isn't that a worse habit?"

"Being the teacher of bad habits is worse than trying to learn," Wren replied as he walked by. He came over and took a seat beside me, and I felt his knee bump me under the table. I glanced at him and he cocked his head at something under the table. I frowned and reached over, feeling the soft pink leather collar draped over his thigh.

I tensed and looked at him, but he wasn't meeting my eyes. He was listening to something Three was saying and rolling his eyes. I clenched my fist around the pink collar, dragging it over to my knee before slipping it into my pocket. I glanced at Wren, giving him a curious stare, and he just gave me a small smile before he looked down at the table at Hades.

"We should probably begin, shouldn't we?" He asked.

"The sooner the better," Hades agreed as everyone got settled, "Alright. We have some very important shit to go over before we start making any plans. Starting with the fact that right now, we have at least eight different compound locations mapped out, including the one that was destroyed in Atlantis and the one that was destroyed in Styx. Luckily, having been through that recent one, I was able to track down a few more, another one in Hades and several others throughout the realms, and unfortunately, a majority of those locations are on vanishing isles."

Vanishing isles were islands that could exist at any time, anywhere, any place, and move wherever and whenever they pleased. There were numerous floating around the mortal realm, Hades, Hell, Annwn— hell, Atlantis, especially, would be a hotspot for vanishing isles given it was almost entirely an ocean realm.

"I wasn't able to access the full compound due to security walls and, of course, the fucking implosion of the compound itself," Hades muttered, "But I was able to gather enough to at least get us ahead of the game a little bit. As of right now, there are a total of seventeen artificials."

"Seventeen!" Kali and I blurted at once in dismay.

"I thought there were only sixteen," Three said, looking over at Six, who nodded.

"Last I checked, I thought it was just fifteen. Where did the other two come from?" Six asked.

"Tenjin created them before he escaped," Kali spoke up, making everyone look at her and she frowned, leaning forward on the table, "Tenjin is the one who has been creating the artificials, using Hades's science and research to try and maintain stable Beasts in each one." Hades sighed.

"Of course it was fucking Tenjin," he said, earning a scowl from Niko, "The guy has had a hard-on for me ever since Tsu and I hooked up." Hannibal gave Hades this look that said he wished he wouldn't be reminded of that fact. Niko also looked a little grossed out, going as far as to stick his tongue out, as if the thought of his father shaking up with anyone aside from Lucy was a turn-off.

"You're right, though," Hades said, gesturing to Kali, who nodded, "It looks like each artificial was supposed to come out with a Beast, but only a few of them actually managed to take the gene, which is completely artificial. The Beast gene is new. It has never existed before. It was a curse and nothing more, but according to the records I put together, Tenjin has developed a way to create a Beast through normal circumstances."

"Normal," Niko said, making air quotations with his fingers.

"Procreation," Hades continued, then frowned, "The thing is, that's where the information starts to get a little scattered and disorganized. It looks like Hera's intentions were to breed Beasts, but she ended up coming across the gene for the antichrist, which is strange to me. I have no idea what the connection is there, considering the Beast curse predates the antichrist gene by several thousand years. In fact, they have some records of carriers with the antichrist gene."

"I'm on there, right?" Niko asked, leaning over to look. Hades rolled his eyes.

"At the top of the list."

"Where I belong."

"Yes, well, it's not exactly a VIP list," Hades replied, making Niko shrug, "And the list did not come from Hera. It looks to me like it was made a long time ago and it's signed by an angel."

"A list of antichrists signed off by an angel?" Hannibal asked, his concern peaked, which made sense. Antichrists were very, very rare, just as the Beast curse had been rare too, except Hera had created a way to make both of those very possible, and very dangerous.

"Who signed off on the list?" Seven asked.

"This is where the dots start connecting," Hades told him, "Because the name on the list is Bethany's." There was a moment of silence. I don't think the other artificials knew Bethany, and judging from their confused stares, that was apparently the case. Niko seemed to recognize her, and his eyes widened slightly. He stared straight ahead and I frowned slowly, unable to resist taking a peek at what was going on inside his head.

Except the moment I peeked, I regretted it.

It was like sticking my hand in a whirlpool and getting sucked in clean off my feet. One second, we were both sitting normally, having a discussion, and in the next, blood was pouring from my nose and Niko's eyes had rolled up in his head. He almost hit the floor, but River and Hades were there to catch him and lower him to the floor to keep him from hurting himself during his seizure.

Meanwhile, my head felt like it'd been cracked open with a hammer.

I groaned, moving away from the table and reaching up to cover my bloody nose. Wren was on his feet and moving around in front of me.

"Jasper? Hey, look at me," he said and I groaned, lowering my head because it felt like my temples were just going to snap in on themselves, my head deflating, "Jasper, come on, I need you to open your eyes. Look at me." I groaned again, but this time I felt Wren grabbing my face and forcing me to look up at him, despite the blinding pain throbbing in my temples now.

I didn't know how to tell them Bethany was working with Hera. I didn't know if they already knew, but judging from the confused stares, they didn't know. Bethany had signed off on a list of antichrists, because Bethany had been the archangel assigned to dispose of antichrists.

Except why had mother purposely created an antichrist?

And Bethany didn't try to kill him.

Because it was Hera's antichrist. Hera's ultimate tool of destruction.

Mother was fucking with antichrists and she was fucking with Heaven. It was why I wanted to get D'Angelo out of my apartment and back to Yhwhwa as quickly as possible. If I could keep mother distracted by Yhwhwa long enough, it'd give us time to plan and get ahead, and finally put a stop to mother.

But what was so interesting about antichrists?

"Jesus Christ, kid." I blinked through my own blurry pain to see Niko was recovering from his seizure. He was sitting up against Hades's chest while River stroked his hair back from his face, both Hades and River checking him over as he came to.

"Yo," Niko mumbled, his voice slurred, "It's def... it's def... gotta do... Bethany."

"Yes, thanks for that," Hades muttered, giving him a little pat on the head and Niko just grunted, clearly looking too tired to sit up again, so Hades settled for picking him up and putting him back in his chair. River stood at his side the whole time, checking on him, touching his hand to make sure he stayed conscious. Niko just looked at him gratefully.

"How's the head?" Hades asked, looking over at me. Wren used his sleeve to wipe the rest of the blood from my face, then paused to lick his thumb and wipe some off my cheek. Hades grimaced at him and Wren just stared, like he was waiting for Hades to say something smart. When he did, Wren just turned to me again as I groaned, pinching at my sore nose.

"Mm. Happens all the time. Fine," I muttered. Hades frowned.

"How often?" He asked. I averted my eyes and Niko scoffed, making us glare at him.

"He was being nosy," he mumbled, putting the back of his hand against his eyes to block out the lights in the room. I agreed with that gesture, lowering my head and closing my eyes so I wouldn't have to face those blinding lights.

A moment later, the lights dimmed and Niko and I looked up to see that River had lowered the lights. Niko gave him a relieved smile and I nodded my thanks.

"Okay," Hades continued dryly, pausing to give Niko one last lingering stare that Niko responded to him with by flipping him off and Hades just rolled his eyes, "Anyway, now that that's over. It at least confirms one thing and that's that we're getting closer to figuring this out. Seems every time we get closer, Niko has to hit the deck. It sounds like your suggestion that she's involved makes sense. I don't suppose we could get a word of confirmation about that?" He looked at me. I stared at him, then glanced at Kali, who frowned at me.

Jasper. If we're going to get their help, we need to learn to trust them. I averted my eyes, because I knew she was right, but it was almost a physical difficulty for me to just get the words out, so all I could do was give him a nod. Hades looked annoyed with that, but I wasn't about to risk checking out why.

"Also, I don't mean to change the topic," Kali said, looking at Hades, who frowned, "But could we please get an update on Polly? I noticed you haven't said much about her." Hades was quiet for a moment and that made my stomach slide down.

"What's wrong?" I asked. Hades glanced at me, then looked down at his tablet. He hit a couple things before he looked up to meet my eyes.

"I'm waiting on two people before I get to that," he said. I frowned.

"Her carriers," I answered. He nodded, glancing down at the tablet, then back up at me, his expression grim.

"But it is gonna be a second before they get here," he muttered, glancing at Keros and Holly, who exchanged curious stares before looking at him, "According to her medical files, Polly is in meltdown." My blood turned to ice.

"Meltdown?" Holly asked.

"It's a nice way of saying she's dying," I said monotonously.

It felt like the air was sucked out of the room. Kali's eyes widened for a moment before she shut them, clenching her fists against her knees. I felt her pain, her frustration, her agony. We had spent so many long hours, days, weeks, on trying to get Polly to where she needed to be. If we could just get her to eat, drink, sleep, like a normal person, maybe we could get the rest of her in order, except that had never happened.

Some days were easier and Polly was normal. She would eat normal meals, enjoy drawing and doodling in her sketchbooks, and sleep through the night. And other days, she wouldn't eat and what little she did eat would just come right back up. She spent more time pacing like a caged tiger than getting any kind of sleep. Her worst moments were the most violent, when she became unhinged and bloodthirsty. And in those moments, she was just in unrelenting pain. Her bones would crack out of place, her teeth could fall out, only to come right back in, sharper and harsher than before.

Eventually the trauma of the constant changing back and forth would simply kill her.

I had told myself if we just kept trying, she would be okay.

If we got her to Hades, she would be okay.

I felt like I was going to puke.

"I don't understand," Kali said after a moment, looking up at Hades, who glanced at her, "You created the artificials. Surely there must be some way to save her, some way to stabilize her."

"Her genetics won't let her stabilize," Hades answered quietly, "Sorry to ruin the surprise, but Polly's genetics come from Blaine and my son, Cerberus, who is also an artificial. To create Cerberus, I used my own genetic material and combined it with the genetic material from a monster called Echidna. However, there is a genetic mutation in Blaine's lineage that does not play well with Echidna's."

"But, if Polly has those genetics, don't Keros and I too?" Holly asked. Hades nodded.

"But you were created differently than Polly. You were both conceived normally, and you had plenty of time to incubate and come into your abilities, your soul. Polly didn't have time to incubate, and judging from the files I've snagged from Hera, Polly was only allowed to incubate for two months. This wasn't nearly enough time for her to process, to grow, in a normal and healthy environment."

"But there has to be a way to help her stabilize," Kali said, and I could hear the tone of panic rising in her voice and I swallowed thickly, because her fear and pain were tangible, "Can't we just put her back in a tube?" Hades shook his head.

"It'd be too dangerous. The chances of her just having a meltdown as soon as we get her hooked up and subdued are far too high for me to even bother risking it."

"So, what, she dies anyway?" Kali demanded. Hades frowned.

"I never said she was going to die."

"You said she was having a meltdown," I pointed out.

"I don't give up easily," Hades replied, making me frown and Kali blinked a few times in surprise, "I'm only keeping you informed because you asked. Right now, Polly is in full meltdown mode. Her prognosis is poor. She's malnourished. She's actually got some internal injuries to her bowels, intestines, and esophagus. It looks like she's been eating rocks or something. To top it off, her heart is overworking itself to the nth degree. Her resting heart rate should be at least a hundred, which is normal for an artificial, but it's at a 134 right now. And that's her unconscious."

I felt sick to my stomach with the news. None of that was good.

Polly was dying.

"I have Ryk on standby giving her fluids," Hades continued as he reviewed his information, "He's also going to try and get her some beta blockers to see if we can get her heart rate down. We're going to try a feeding tube later, but it may not work, given the extensive damage to her internal organs. If we can, great. If not, that means we may need to try intravenously. If we can get her stable enough, I can actually just go in the old fashioned way and heal her up, repair the damage to her organs, maybe even get her good enough to try the feeding tube again. I would much rather do the tube than the drip, because she's already very small and fragile. She's stunted in growth by a lot. I don't know if she'll actually be able to recover everything she's lost."

I wasn't sure if Hades was trying to reassure us or not, but I felt like I was going to be sick every time he added more information.

All I could see was Polly sitting in her bed, looking up with a big smile whenever I came in. She'd hop up and show me her drawings, from the sketches she did of Kali whenever she fell asleep in her room to the doodle of Elias she'd done, after having only met him a couple of times.

My heart ached.

Elias was going to be devastated.

Oh god. He'd already lost so many people and if he found out Polly was dead...

"I need a minute," I said abruptly, pushing away from the table. Everyone looked up, startled by the scraping of the chair and the suddenness of my departure. I didn't know what to say and I didn't want to look at anyone as I quickly hurried into the hallway.

Once I had privacy, I raked my hands through my hair.

Oh god.

I fucked up again.

What other explanation could there be? I should've taken Polly to Hades sooner. I should've torn her away from mother the moment I knew who her genetic carriers were. If I had just gotten her to Hades sooner, she wouldn't be suffering.

No, she wouldn't have suffered as much as she already did, and now all of that suffering was just going to bring what?

Her death?

My heart shattered.

Polly had counted on me to keep her safe, to protect her. Kali had counted on me and my outside resources to help. Instead, I had taken action too late. Because of my stupidity, my fear, my anxiety, I found myself struggling to cope with the first major loss I was going to have in a long time.

My eyes burned.

Darling was unsettled. I could feel him writhing and squirming under my skin, not totally comprehending the inner turmoil stirring up inside us. He knew something was wrong, but he couldn't place it, couldn't understand why things weren't just magically fixed.

Polly was so young. It wasn't fair. She hadn't done anything to deserve this. She didn't ask to be created. She was forced to exist for a madwoman who wanted to get revenge, because apparently it was fucking easier than getting a goddamn therapist and facing her flaws like a fucking adult.

I choked on a sob.

No. No, it's not fair.

Polly deserved to live. She deserved to survive. She deserved happiness and goodness and love and affection. She deserved to be spoiled rotten. I wanted to see her plop into someone's chair, take over the meeting, making snarky commentary with her parents and friends and family. She was the one who should be sitting here, getting to know her family and finding love and peace and joy.

"Jasper?"

Ah god, why now?

Rowan's voice had me turning my back to him so he wouldn't see me crying like an idiot. I pressed the heels of my palms against my cheeks, taking a deep breath.

"Yeah, kinda busy. Hades is in— he's in there," I pointed to the doors because I could feel my voice about to crack. I started forward until I felt Rowan's hand on my arm and I immediately yanked away from him, sniffing hard.

"No, No, I just want to be alone," I said, keeping my back to him as I sucked in another shaky breath. Darling was beyond unsettled now. Where I was barely managing to hold it together, I could hear Darling start to wail inside my head. I groaned, feeling my temples throb, reaching up to press my thumbs against them to dull the throbbing, to no avail.

"Jasper!" Rowan's gasp caught me off guard and it took me a moment to realize I was sinking to my knees. I felt Rowan's hands on my arms, trying to keep me from crumpling to the floor.

I don't know where my self-control went. It was like I could feel it slipping through my fingers as I slumped forward on the floor, choking and gasping.

My fault.

I should've gotten Polly help sooner.

I should've taken her to Hades when I had the chance.

I moaned, pressing my forehead against the floor and I felt someone's hands on my back, someone stroking me in an attempt to comfort me and I couldn't even remember who it was, nor did I care, because all I could think about were all the stupid fucking times I'd walked past Hades on the streets, ignored Milo's pleas to at least consider Hades as an option, ignored the constant reminders that Hades was always an option.

Yes, the mother was a threat, but I had been threatened before.

Because I was a coward, because I was stupid, because I was selfish, because I just thought I had more time.

My fault.

"You can't protect them all," Milo had whispered to me once, "We need help, Jasper. We need Hades. I promise he isn't as scary as mother paints him. Please."

"No, I have to," I snapped impatiently, tying my boots as I sat on the sofa, "And quit saying his name so casually. If she hears you talking about him like that, she's going to come after you, Milo." Milo glared at me.

"Am I supposed to be afraid of her?" He demanded. I glared at him, letting go of my boots and stomping them on the floor to express my frustration.

"Yes! And frankly, you should be afraid of Hades too," I replied angrily, shoving to my feet and Milo shot up to his feet with me, glaring as he watched me yank on my jacket, "Quit trusting the gods so easily."

"I will when you do," Milo said, making me whip around to glare at him, "Your loyalty to Hera is unfounded! All she did was create you—"

"She gave me you," I exclaimed and Milo froze as I stared at him breathlessly, "Milo, she gave me you. She gave me Kali. She gave me everyone I know and love. How could I possibly want to hurt her after she's given me all of this? I certainly don't agree with everything she does, Milo, but as long as I have you and Kali and the artificials—"

"Since when has she given you any access to the artificials," Milo demanded abruptly, making me blink and stare at him, "You just told me she won't let you see any of them anymore. She didn't even tell you that she was pumping Four full of fucking stereoids! She didn't tell you that she made Five marry Robyn, who by the way, was the absolute worst fucking choice for her! Robyn is a fucking cunt and she's still pissed about being rejected by Verona two years ago, so you know she's going to take it out on Five!"

"You don't know that—"

"And did I mention that Seven's in the medical wing again?" Milo demanded. I froze at that, because I swore he had just gotten out. I whipped around to face Milo again as he glared at me.

"Where?"

"He's unconscious," Milo bit off, making me flinch, "He's fine, but what if next time he isn't, Jasper? They're literally trying to kill him! He has no magic, how is he supposed to defend himself?"

"He needs to learn to fight with his—"

"He needs to stop fighting," Milo cried and I lowered my head, because I knew he was upset and his words both upset me and scared me because I had been trying so hard not to think about what was happening at the compounds while I was off running mother's stupid errands, "He isn't meant to run around killing people! None of us are!"

"Then why are you still here," I shouted suddenly, making Milo stiffen, "If you hate it so much here, if you hate me so much, then why don't you just fucking leave?"

"Because I can't abandon the ones I love," Milo managed. Tears rushed to my eyes at that. I knew I'd hurt his feelings and I knew that feeling, that sharp digging pain in my chest.

"Me either," I choked. Milo grimaced and came forward, taking my head against his and putting his arms around me to cradle me against him. I choked on a sob as I wrapped my arms around him, pressing my face in against his neck.

"Milo, I'm sorry."

"Ssh, it's okay, darling. Just. Just let it out, okay?"

"No, no, I just. I'm so confused. I don't know what to do," I confessed helplessly between sobs, "I feel like I'm walking on a tightrope, but it's not just me that's gonna fall if I fuck up. If I make one wrong move, Milo, I could lose everything. Don't you understand? Mother won't just punish me if I fuck up. She's going to come after everyone I love and I can't-I can't take that risk. I just can't. I know things aren't perfect here, but they won't stay this way, okay? I can fix it. I can change it. I just need time." Milo squeezed his eyes shut, but said nothing as he kept his arms around me and held me.

But I had finally run out of time.

Polly had run out of time.