I do not own Naruto, Kishimoto does.

Summary: Itachi gets sick and takes a day off of ANBU. Of course, when Itachi is sick, you know something's wrong.

...

"Itachi Uchi...ha..." Itachi's ANBU captain faltered at his name. He was taking roll and while it seemed like something that you would do for Academy kids (and it was), it was remarkably efficient for ANBU. It told the ANBU captains who had and hadn't survived the night, and who did and didn't decide to ditch. At least that's what they would say when a recruit asked.

In all honesty, at the end of every month, the ANBU captains gathered together and tallied whose team had the best attendance. The captain with the team that did got two full days off of duty, fully paid.

Itachi's captain, Ryota, had gotten exactly three paid vacations in his whole fifteen years as ANBU captain, all of which were thanks to his current team.

Anyway, back to the situation at hand.

Ryota stared at Itachi Uchiha, his mouth wide open. "Is something wrong, sir?" Itachi asked.

"Yes, Itachi, yes there is something wrong, and that something is the fact that you are dressed in your pajamas, sweating heavily, look extremely confused at your surroundings, and you, uh, look a little green." Itachi just stared at him. "Itachi, are you okay?"

"Of course I a-" Before he could finish, Itachi puked all over the floor. The same floor that the janitor had cleaned the night before.

Also, on a completely unrelated note, said janitor was then placed in a mental asylum.

Oh, the higher ups would NOT be happy. Ryota stared as Itachi heaved, then stood up. He looked sickly pale, but still somehow maintained an air of dominance.

"Itachi, I think you got the flu. It's been flying around the ANBU Headquarters. That's the reason your teammates aren't here. You know that you can send a scroll informing me of your current state of health and you would be excused, right?" Ryota paused. "Though I must admit, your symptoms are a little...overkill...for something as simple as the flu."

"Well, sir, this is the first time I've...uh...actually gotten sick."

"Well, that would do it. Your immune system doesn't know how to defend itself. And here I thought you were just immune to everything." Ryota sighed as Itachi threw up again. "I think you should take a sick day. Don't worry about ANBU, just get better."

Itachi nodded and stumbled out the door, too exhausted to argue.

Ryota looked down and wondered what poor sap would get sent to the asylum today.

...

"Itachi? Are you okay?" his mother fretted. She hadn't known he was sick until he stumbled through the front door and fell flat on his face.

"I-I'm fine. Just need some rest," Itachi mumbled. Mikoto nodded, then helped Itachi get up.

"I'll help you to your room."

...

"Is that Itachi?"

"Yes, Sasuke."

"Oh...is he alive?"

"Sasuke!"

"Is that a yes?"

"Of course he's alive!"

"Well, it was an honest mistake, Mother! He's not moving and he's not breathing!"

"He's not moving because he's asleep. And he is breathing, I'll show you. Also, Sasuke, you're acting different than usual. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just that my thoughts have been clearer since this morning when-"

"OH MY GOD HE'S NOT BREATHING!"

"Ha! I tricked you!" Mikoto stared as her eldest son bolted up from bed, a giant, goofy grin on his face. She couldn't help but recoil a little bit. It was just so...unnatural.

"Okay, Big Brother is definitely sick. Mother, you hold him down while I get some of the gross stuff that always makes me feel better."

"NEVER!" Itachi yelled. And then, he was gone.

...

"If she wants someone to weed her grass, just tell her to apply for a mission. Genins will do it for her," Fugaku said while he signed a piece of paper. The man he was talking to bowed and left the room (finally) and he was by himself.

Fugaku picked up a large packet of papers. He tried reading them, he really did, but he eventually gave up, shrugged, and signed it.

That's when someone barged into his office. It was his wife, and she didn't look the least bit happy. Fugaku gulped. Mikoto was always so sweet these days. What kind of disaster made her this annoyed?

"Fugaku, there's something wrong with Itachi." She explained everything that happened.

Fugaku stared at her. "...what?"

...

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Shisui flinged a few more kunai at the targets. All of them hit the bullseye. He sighed. Today was his day off. He was supposed to be relaxing and having fun. Unfortunately, everyone he knew was preoccupied and everything he planned had involved at least one other person.

That's when he remembered that new movie that came out. It was about a world where there was no chakra. If he went right now, he might be able to get tickets...

"Shisui!"

Shisui turned around, startled. "Sasuke?"

Sasuke panted. "Shisui, I...need your...help. Itachi..."

"What happened to Itachi?" Shisui asked, immediately alert.

"He's gone...crazy!"

"...he was always crazy. Just a different type of crazy."

"Yeah, but now he's grinning and laughing and giggling and blowing raspberries and refuses to sit still so me and Mother can get some medicine in him. He even played a trick on Mom to make her think he was dead!"

"...are you sure that no one's impersonating him?"

"Yes."

"And that he's on under a Genjutsu?"

"Yes."

"And that he's not possessed by an evil, revenge-seeking demon?"

"Yes." Sasuke paused. "Well, at least I'm pretty sure."

"Right. He must be really sick or something." He raked his hand through his hair and sat down. He needed a minute to gather himself.

"What are you doing, you moron!" Sasuke shrieked, startling Shisui so bad he fell off the log he was sitting on. "I didn't run here all the way from my house to wait for you to get your bearings. Now go out and GET ITACHI!"

"Yes sir!" Shisui said out of reflex, then looked stunned. While the wording wasn't exactly the best, that voice. It was the voice of a leader. A Clan Head. Too bad Itachi already had that in the bag.

Well, he had it in the bag if he wasn't possessed by an evil, revenge-seeking demon. Shisui wasn't going to rule that out yet.

...

"Mom! Dad!" Sasuke waved frantically. His mother and father came running towards him and Shisui.

"Have either of you seen Itachi?" Fugaku asked, his voice strained.

Sasuke, shook his head, but then pointed at Shisui, "Shisui will find Big Brother. He and Itachi are best friends, so he has to find him." Sasuke turned to Shisui, his eyes big. "Right, Shisui?"

"Y-Yeah!" he said, trying not to bring down Sasuke's hopes. "I'll go find him right now!" He turned and ran, apparently forgetting that he was Shisui of the Body Flicker.

Sasuke turned back to his parents, a smirk on his face. "I knew that would work."

They both just stared at him.

...

Fugaku, Mikoto, Shisui, and Sasuke all sat around the dinner table, sulking. "We've looked for him all day," Shisui groaned. "It's already 9 PM. How have we still not found him?"

"Well," Mikoto sighed, "my baby IS part of the ANBU Black Ops. He's way too skilled."

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Fugaku muttered, "but right now, I really wish Itachi WASN'T a prodigy." Mikoto and Shisui nodded along.

Sasuke suddenly stood up, his eyes wide. "I got it!"

"You know where Itachi is?"

"No, but I think know what's wrong with him! It's called Chakra Gap!"

"What?"

"Well, Chakra Gap happens when someone uses their Chakra way too much, like Big Brother does all the time. Their chakra flow can slow down, or even stop completely! Luckily, Itachi's didn't stop, that would be deadly! When your chakra flow slows down, you get fever-like symptoms, like how Itachi was sick this morning! Some rest can fix a slow chakra flow, but sometimes it starts up again abruptly instead of gradually. This is most often found in children and adolescents. The sudden influx of chakra to the brain causes it's protein and hormone production to malfunction like crazy, and the chakra messes with the Frontal Lobe, the part of the brain that controls your personality, and thus causes abnormal behavior, like how different Big Brother was acting! It all fits! Itachi should be back to normal in anywhere from a day to a whole week...which could be bad..."

"...how did you know that?" Fugaku asked.

"Well, when Big Brother first joined ANBU, they gave him a booklet of illnesses so that the ANBU recruits would know if they're sick and what to do. I don't think he ever read it, but I did so that I could find out if anything was wrong with him. I forgot about it until now because there was never really a need for it, seeing as how Itachi seems immune to pretty much every bacteria ever. I guess he overworked himself, though."

"Good job Little Brother!" Everyone whirled around and saw Itachi, grinning like there was no tomorrow.

"Oh, there will be no tomorrow when I'm done with him," Mikoto said.

And now, dear readers, I will do a time skip because the fact that Mikoto can hear the narration scares me.

...

"Okay, so where were you?" Sasuke asked while Fugaku and Shisui dragged a furious Mikoto away.

"Well, first I went to the Jonin Lounge and gambled a bit-"

"Big Brother! Gambling? What were you thinking?"

Itachi shrugged. "I wasn't. Anyway, I won pretty much everything, earned myself a good 10,000 Ryo-"

"10,000 Ryo? How on earth is your luck so good?"

Itachi chuckled. "It better be pretty good. I deserve it after all the **** life put me through."

"Don't use bad words, Big Brother."

"Relax, Little Brother, no one's going to tell. Anyway, then I found your friend Naruto and helped him paint the Academy pink-"

"So THAT'S why it was pink..."

"And finally, I killed a few missing ninja who decided that breaking into Konoha was a good idea."

"Nice!"

"Thanks, Little Brother. Anyway, I'll go to bed now. Maybe you're right and this whole Chakra Gap thing will wear off tomorrow." Itachi turned and went up the stairs to his room.

...

"You're feeling better today?" Fugaku asked Itachi. Itachi nodded curtly. "Good."

"Ah, Father," Itachi said after an awkward silence. "I've...quit ANBU."

"WHAT?"

"Well, I did it yesterday when I was sick, and I don't think they will allow me back after what I... said to the Head of ANBU Operations."

"...oh," Fugaku said in a faint voice, then stood up to join his wife, who was currently washing (and nearly breaking) the dishes. Itachi and Sasuke sat around the table.

"Did you know," Sasuke said casually, "that Chakra Gap doesn't exist?" Itachi's shoulders tensed, his arms trembling.

"How long have you known?" he asked quietly.

"Since the moment I saw you."

"Oh...I must ask, how did you come up with the Chakra Gap idea? It sounded pretty reasonable."

"Oh, I just used my head. It's been working a lot better since yesterday when Sakura accidentally elbowed me there during kunai practice."

"Okay then..." Another silence enveloped them, then, "Thanks for covering for me yesterday, Little Brother."

"No problem, Big Brother."