I do not own Naruto, Kishimoto does

Chapter Summary: Itachi's parents try to engage him to Yumiko Himura, and he soon finds out that there's something weird about her, and he knows someone is watching him. But, why...

- - -

Itachi sat awkwardly. Sitting across form him was Yumiko Himura, the girl that his parents intended for him to marry. Itachi should have seen this coming, the relations were already bad with the Himura Clan, but was an engagement, especially one between the Uchiha Clan heir and the Himura Clan Head's niece, necessary?

Well, at least his parents weren't marrying Sasuke off.

"So...we will be discussing the details in the main hall, so why don't you two get to know each other?" Fugaku got up and went to the main hall with Nori Himura. Mikoto had already gone to the kitchen to get some snacks, so Itachi and Yumiko were alone.

Itachi took a deep breath. Though he hated the fact that he was getting an arranged marriage, especially to someone he just met, he knew that it was business. Very important Clan business. Marriage between clans was pretty extreme these days. So, Itachi would treat it like Clan business.

"So, Ms. Himura-"

"Please call me Yumi!" she said.

"Okay. Yumi...tell me about yourself."

"Oh, well, I think you're amazing! You have so much talent, are amazing at the ninja arts, and look so good...did I say that out loud?" Yumi blushed. Itachi stared. All she told him was that she liked him. And Itachi didn't like the way she looked at him...

"Ms. Himura?" Itachi turned and saw Sasuke standing at the door. Yumi smiled.

"Ah, Sasuke! It's been a while since I've seen you! And how many times have I told you to call me Yumi?" She flashed Itachi a dazzling smile, then went back to looking at Sasuke. "Anyway, why did you stop coming around, Sasuke?"

"I, uh, kept getting more homework from the Academy, and, um, I didn't have enough time," Sasuke stammered. "Oh, can I borrow Itachi for a minute?"

"Of course! He's your big brother."

"Th-Thanks. Itachi, come outside with me for a second."

- - -

"What happened in there?" Itachi asked. "You know Yumi?"

"First, let me ask you something," Sasuke said. "Is she your girlfriend, or is it arranged?"

"Uh, Mother and Father arranged it."

"****!" Sasuke muttered.

"Sasuke, language!"

Sasuke ignored him. "If she was your girlfriend, I could get you to break up with her, but if it's arranged, both the Uchiha and Himura Clan are supporting it...I should have believed the rumors...I was an idiot." Sasuke sighed and dragged his hand through his hair.

"What are you talking about?"

Sasuke stared up at Itachi. "You wanted to know how I knew Ms. Himura?" Itachi nodded. "Well, as you know, I'm a UDC-B Agent. That means that I get orders directly from Lord Differ, and a while back, he ordered me to gather some information on Yumi Himura. So, when Iruka Sensei gave us the Charity Assignment-"

"Charity Assignment?"

"Basically, the civilians and other ninja families get to make us do D-Ranks without giving us pay."

"Ah, I remember now. I never had to do it because I skipped that year..."

"Lucky..." Sasuke mumbled. "Anyway, the Himura Clan put out a very convenient request for someone to be Ms. Himura's birthday planner. I don't know why they had so much faith in a bunch of seven-year-olds...anyway, I immediately took the job. Even after the assignment was over, I kept coming back to help Ms. Himura with whatever she needed...I finally got Lord Differ to let me stop..."

"How long did you have to go?"

"Two months..." Sasuke moaned.

"What? I didn't notice you going anywhere for two months straight!"

"Well, you barely ever came home for two months straight," Sasuke said.

Oh, right, Itachi thought, this was probably back when I was still in ANBU.

"A-Anyway, please continue..."

"Yeah, well, I begged Lord Differ to let me drop the assignment. It took another Agent being a witness for him to finally let me stop!"

"Witness for what?"

Sasuke eyes seemed to glow with fright, in stark contrast with the shadows around them. "Sh-She..."

"Sasuke," Itachi asked, slightly panicking, "What happened."

"SH-SHE'S A ******* YANDERE!"

"Huh?"

"E-Every time I went there, she wouldn't stop talking about you!" Sasuke said frantically. "It was always 'Itachi's so amazing!' or 'I love your big brother!' It was ******* creepy! It's even creepier because she's two years older than you! Sh-She had a shrine dedicated to you! She had photos of you all over her walls!" Sasuke was practically yelling now, though not loud enough for Yumi to hear. "A-And, there was a rumor going around the Himura Clan compound that one of the servants was going to ask you out. The day after Ms. Himura found out, the maid..." Sasuke gulped, "was found stabbed to death in the Clan's garden! A-At first, I gave her the benefit of doubt, b-but then, I saw her getting rid of a bloody knife...YOU NEED TO GET RID OF THIS ENGAGEMENT!"

Itachi stared at a trembling Sasuke in horror. "Why didn't you report her to the authorities?"

"B-Because," Sasuke said, "I...was terrified. I was scared she'd find out and...and..."

"Sasuke..." Itachi whispered.

"Oh, good, you believe me."

"...Huh?"

- - -

"Wait, so you pretended to be crying so that I would be guaranteed to believe you?"

"Yep."

"So, none of that stuff you said was true?"

"Oh, it was all true. Including the part of me being terrified of her," Sasuke said smiling, sweat on the back of his neck. "I'm not facing anyone who's killed someone else out of pure jealousy, thank you very much."

"...I'll beat you up later. First of all, we need a plan. I'm not getting engaged to a yandere, no matter how beneficial the alliance would be."

"Y-Yeah, I'll call Shisui, he might want to help. You just go back and keep Ms. Himura occupied." Sasuke ran out of there as quickly as possible, begging what ever almighty being/beings there maybe that Itachi forgot about wanting to kill him. "I knew that was a terrible idea."

- - -

"Your brother's gone to your friends house?" Yumi asked adorably.

"Y-Yeah," Itachi said, fighting to keep a blush off of his face. First of all, she was way too close. Second of all, he was starting to think she was cute. And by cute, Itachi meant the way you look at pictures of kittens and think "Oh my god, that's adorable!".

Honestly, her hair was very blond, reminding him of a white furred kitten, and she had the same kitten-like face. All he could think about was how easy it would be to get away with murder with that face. A cute face is rarely ever suspected. He should know, he'd used his cute face many times.

"A-Actually, I just remembered that he's getting my cousin...well, I guess he's technically my fourth-cousin once removed, but I bet you'll love to meet him!" Itachi grinned, sweat collecting on the back of his neck.

"Oh...yes, I would love to meet him..." Actually, Itachi thought as he saw the look in Yumi's eyes, I think you'd like to punch him.

"Yumiko," Fugaku said as he walked into the room. He raised an eyebrow. Yumi was practically sitting on top of Itachi, and the blush that Itachi had failed to subdue just made matters worse.

"Yes, Mr. Uchiha?" Yumi said with a cute smile.

"Ah, yes, your aunt wants to speak with you."

"Oh, okay!" Yumi kissed Itachi on the cheek (Itachi choked on air) and skipped out of the room.

Fugaku stared at Itachi in silence. Itachi put his hand over the cheek she had kissed him on. "Father."

"Yes?" Fugaku asked. Had he finally found a girl he liked?

"Get me a bottle of bleach. It might take a couple of washes to get rid of that feeling," Itachi said, cringing.

Fugaku sighed. Well, at least he knows for sure that that's still Itachi.

"Sasuke, what the-"

"Come on, it's important, it's about-" Sasuke's eyes widened as he saw his father sitting in the living room with Itachi. And Itachi looked like he wanted to kill someone.

"What's so important?" Fugaku asked.

"W-Well, since Big Brother is getting engaged, I thought that Shisui should help with something since, you know, they're...close?" Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut. Please don't notice me being an idiot!

"...Oh, okay! You three can talk. I need to meet Nori Himura again." Fugaku stood up and left the room after giving Shisui a quick, polite smile.

Itachi sweat dropped. "Did he really not notice anything?"

"He's going senile," Shisui said sagely. "Now, what's this about Itachi getting engaged? And isn't Nori Himura the Himura Clan Head?"

"Guess what? I'm getting engaged to Yumiko Himura, the psychotic niece of the Himura Clan Head!"

"...psychotic? I think we have a lot to talk about."

- - -

"So, you're getting engaged to a girl that liked you so much that she killed someone?"

"Yes."

"Dude, your life is MESSED. UP."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Yes!" Sasuke said.

"Huh?"

"I've found a loophole!"

"What loophole?" Itachi asked frantically.

"Well, Itachi, since you have to be at least fifteen years old to get engaged, you're technically only getting betrothed. I mean, that's basically engagement, but it's not an officially authorized thing by the Konoha government. When you turn fifteen in two years, you and Yumi will get engaged. Then, when both of you are or older eighteen, you'll get married. That's how it usually works."

"...how does this help Itachi?" Shisui asked.

"Well, Clans traditionally start planning the wedding and making other negotiations on the day of the engagement. So, Itachi, since your thirteen, you still have two years before that happens. If we wait until then, it'll be really hard to get rid of the engagement without causing serious harm to both of our clans. Oh, and breaking off an officially recognized engagement requires a LOT of paperwork, which is never fun."

"So, basically, we have to stop this whole thing before Itachi turns fifteen?" Shisui said.

"Yeah."

"I'm doomed," Itachi muttered. "Father will never listen to me. Mother probably doesn't have a say thanks to the stupid patriarchy. I won't be able to do anything and soon, I'll be engaged to a girl that would probably kill any other girl who comes close to me..."

"Hey, we don't know that. I mean, you've been in contact with a lot of girls, and she's only killed one." Shisui paused. "Okay, so that probably wasn't very reassuring..."

"Okay then, she'll kill anyone who wants to date/marry me," Itachi amended. "That actually doesn't sound so bad."

"Uh, Big Borhter, that's most of the girls, and quite a few of the guys, in Konoha."

"...oh yeah. Well, this is terrible."

"The only thing we can count on is her not figuring that out. Obviously, she hasn't found out that pretty much everyone has a crush on Itachi. She's just going after anyone she found out does," Shisui said.

"...you do know that our family has a separate room filled with letters confessing their love to me, right?"

"It's settled," Shisui and Sasuke synced, "you're screwed."

"I know..." Itachi moaned.

- - -

"He loves me," a petal fell from the rose. "He loves me not," another petal fell. "He loves me," the the last petal fell to the ground. The girl who held the rose in her hands smiled.

"I knew it! We're meant to be!" She sighed and laid down on her bed. "Perfect~" she said in a sing-song voice. She let the rose stem fall on the floor. "Roses are the perfect flowers~! They did not betray me~!"

She got up and skipped happily out of her room to go meet Itachi, her true love. The moment she stepped outside, though, she heard a whisper. She narrowed her eyes and carefully walked to the corner of the hallway, listening.

"-es, Lady Yumiko of the Himura Clan is being betrothed to Itachi Uchiha!" one of the maids said.

The girl's eyes widened in horror. That sea urchin was going to marry HER beloved? She clenched her fists.

"Yes, and they say that Itachi doesn't even want to marry her. In fact, he hates her!"

Her eyes widened. No! She had to save him! In the name of true love!

- - -

"So...you're Itachi's cousin?"

"Actually, I'm his fourth cousin once-removed," Shisui said nonchalantly.

"...what does that even mean?" Yumi asked, obviously not impressed.

"Well," Sasuke said, "it's actually pretty easy once you realize how it works. So, if you're cousins, you share the same grandparent. If you're second-cousins, then you share the same great-grandparent. Third-cousins, a great-great-grandparent, and Fourth-cousins, a great-great-great-grandparent. Shisui's great-great-great-grandparents are Madara and Izuna Uchiha's parents. But, Madara and Izuna's parents are Itachi and mine's great-great-great-great-grandparents. What you do then is take the cousin with the lesser number, Shisui would be the Fourth-cousin, and put a 'once-removed' after it to indicate that one of them has a higher number, Itachi and I would be the Fifth-cousins. See, done! Shisui is Itachi's and my Fourth cousin once-removed."

"...oh."

Sasuke strained to keep his smile on his face. He was looking at a girl who killed someone! Well, his brother has also killed people, but that was different! Or was it? What was the point if they still die-wait, no, bad Sasuke! Don't get all philosophical! It only makes thing worse!

Whatever. All he had to do was keep the psycho busy until Itachi came back from...wherever he went. He better have a good reason for straight out booking it out of the room...

- - -

Shisui's jaw clenched as he gave Yumi a polite smile. Oh, she was annoying and fairly creepy, but that's not what was setting him on edge. Someone was watching them. Obviously, whoever was watching the was good, judging from how well they covered their chakra signature, but still not good enough.

It was obvious that Itachi had noticed, too. In fact, he had immediately left the room to find this person. What was taking him this long?

"So...are you and Itachi close?" Yumi asked.

Sasuke snorted. "They've known each other forever. I swear, they're BFFs."

Shisui's face went red. "No we're not! We're-" suddenly, there was a flash of lightning and all the lights shut off.

Sasuke and Yumi let out a shriek. Shisui sighed and did a few signs that created a faint light in his hands. He sweat-dropped as he saw Sasuke and Yumi clutching each other.

When they noticed, they both shoved each other away.

Sasuke cleared his throat. "Wow, I can't believe it's already dark. Where are Mother and Father?"

Yumi sighed. "Your parents and Aunt Nori left to do something. It's just the four of us in the house."

"Yeah, about that-" Shisui was interrupted by the clang of metal-on-metal and calls of Jutsu. He laughed and continued, "We have an unwanted fifth person..."

- - -

Itachi ran silently through the halls. He had felt the presence of someone else...someone strangely familiar...he had to check it out.

Where...THERE! Itachi hurled a kunai at the moving shadow in the wall.

An ANBU came out and dodged the kunai with its own. Itachi stared. What on heck?

"Ita-" He didn't let the ANBU finish.

He quickly went through a few hand signs, yelling, "Fire Style: Grand Fireball Jutsu!"

The ANBU quickly went through a set of hand seals, too. "Water Style: Water Wall Jutsu!"

It wasn't enough to stop the gaint ball of flames, but it bought the ANBU enough time to do a quick Kawarimi.

"Who are you," Itachi asked threateningly.

"I'm-"

"WHO ARE YOU?" Itachi turned, startled. It was Yumi who yelled that, Sasuke beside her.

Shisui was suddenly behind the ANBU, a kunai held at the ANBU's throat.

"HOW DARE YOU THREATEN MY BELOVED HUSBAND!" Yumi yelled.

"Wait, I'm not-" Itachi began, but the ANBU member interrupted him.

"YOUR husband! He doesn't even like you! He should be MY husband!"

"What?" Sasuke said. Shisui took of the ANBU's mask, and Itachi gasped.

"Benihime?" he said incredulously.

"You know her?" Yumi demanded.

"Yeah, she was one of the ANBU recruits that I had to teach." He looked at Benihime agian. "I remember you specifically because you turned down promotion just to study under me. At the time I just thought you were being wise and noticing your disabilities, but now..."

"You did it just to stay with Big Brother because you like him!" Sasuke yelled. "You creep!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A CREEP, YOU BRAT!"

"Shut up," Shisui muttered.

"YOU SHUT UP!"

"Look, I'm the one with the kunai at your neck here."

Benihime ignored him, choosing to talk to Yumi. "He doesn't even like you!"

"Yes he does!" Yumi yelled, turning to Itachi. "Right, Itachi dear?"

"No, he doesn't!" Sasuke said. "Becuase you killed that poor servant just because she liked him!"

Yumi blinked. "What?"

"DON'T YOU DARE DENY IT!"

"But I didn't kill Sumi! She was my favorite maid!"

"Oh yeah, then who killed her?" Sasuke yelled.

"I did." Everyone turned to Benihime

"Wait, you killed her?" Shisui asked.

"Yes. I was helping out at the Himura Clan compound-"

"Wait, I don't remember you coming to the compound!" Yumi said.

"I'm from the Inuzuka Clan and I was sent to help tame your cousin's puppy. That's why you didn't see me. Anyway, I heard that maid talking about how she wanted to steal Itachi from me, and I couldn't help myself. I killed her. Then I put my knife in your room so that you would get the blame."

"Th-That knife was the one that killed Sumi?" Yumi asked, horrified. "I-I thought that the clan butcher was being careless!"

"Then, when I saw you throwing away the knife, I thought it was you who killed the servant..." Sasuke said. "I'm sorry."

Shisui's eyes narrowed. "Why are you telling us this?"

Benihime smiled. "Because, I may be going down, but I can take Yumiko with me!" She broke out of Shisui's grip and lunged for Yumi. Suddenly, Itachi was there. He hit a spot on her neck and she immediately passed out.

"Don't you dare kill my fiancée."

Yumi looked shocked, then her face was bursting with a grin. She hugged Itachi. "Oh, my dear husband loves me~!"

Itachi shoved her off. "Quit it. I'm only okay with this because you're not a murderer and it's good for our clans. Nothing more."

Yumi stopped, hurt. What was Itachi saying? Then, she saw the look in Itachi's eyes. She grinned. "Sure. 'Nothing more'."

Itachi sighed. "Whatever. Also, I need to work with you on your obsession with me, but first, let's get the authorities to deal with Benihime." He stared down at said girl that was still unconscious at his feet. "To think, she had so much potential. Well, come on, Shisui."

Shisui helped Itachi pick Benihime up, and they walked through the hallways to the front entrance, careful not to accidentally walk into a wall in the dark.

Sasuke and Yumi stood in silence, before Sasuke said, "Well, I guess you wouldn't be the worst sister-in-law. But seriously, we have to talk about your obsession with Big Brother-"

A scream echoed through the house, and then Itachi yelled, "What the heck, Sasuke! Pick up your stupid legos!"

Yumi and Sasuke burst out laughing.

- - -

"Itachi, you'll be happy to know that Benihime Inuzuka was dealt with," Fugaku said. Itachi nodded. Then he went to walk out the door. "Where are you going?"

"Oh, I'm meeting Sasuke and Shisui at the Himura Compound to force Yumi to take down her pictures of me."

Fugaku smiled as Itachi left the house. He knew Itachi would like her.

- - -

Omake:

"Itachi," Itachi heard Yumi call. He walked towards the sound of her voice, then realized what room she was in.

He ran over there and flung open the door. Yumi was sitting in a pool of envelopes the reached Itachi's knees, all of which were pink and decorated with hearts.

"Itachi," Yumi said once again in a chilling voice, "what are these?"

Itachi laughed nervously. Today was going to be a long day.