I do not own Naruto, Kishimoto does

Summary: The Uchiha are planning a coup. And their reasoning is pretty sound...

- - -

Itachi and Sasuke Uchiha were mad. And hungry. And sleepy. Why? Because their father decided that they're mature enough to attend the late-night Uchiha Meeting.

As they walked into the building they were using to meet, and said building was huge, many Uchiha stared. Both sons of the Clan Head were still in their pajamas, had bed-head, and were glaring daggers at everyone (the older one also had his Sharingan fully activated, which was terrifying).

"Okay, who called a meeting late at night?" Sasuke said.

Itachi was going to say something to follow up, but something shoved him from behind, and, in his half-awake state, knocked him forward.

"Ugh..." he said, then shoved off the thing that knocked him down.

"Zzz..." Itachi blinked and stared down at the thing.

The "thing" was actually Shisui, also in his pajamas, snoring away on the floor.

"I'm sorry, Itachi!" Itachi looked up blearily and saw Shisui's father, Atsushi, who was old enough to be his grandfather, panting in the doorway. Shisui's mother, Kamiko, who looked young enough to be his sister (though she was actually in her early forties) also stood there.

"Itachi, I'm sorry. Shisui didn't wake up, so I had to carry him here," Kamiko said.

Itachi first stared at Atsushi, who hadn't carried Shisui and was panting in the doorway, to Kamiko who HAD carried him, yet wasn't showing any signs of even being out of breath. Yep, it was official. All Uchiha women were terrifying.

"It's alright," Itachi said with a yawn. "Waking him up would be cruel. He just came back from a mission an hour ago, after all."

"However, he is a loyal Uchiha, so we must wake him up," Fugaku said. Mikoto sighed.

"No, father, don-" It was too late. Fugaku had bent down and shook the sleeping Uchiha.

Shisui's eyes bolted open and, suddenly, he was in the far corner of the room in a defensive stance, his eyes unfocused. When they cleared, he blinked. "Oh...hi..."

He laughed sheepishly as all the other Uchiha stared at him.

"Sorry, habit."

Fugaku cleared his throat. "Right, well, I now call this meeting to order." Any complaints from sleepy clan members were silenced by his serious tone. He meant business.

- - -

Fugaku sat at his place, a podium that was raised a foot higher than the floor. He was on a cushion that made his hight even higher. Mikoto sat to his right on a similar cushion, and Sasuke and Itachi sat to his left on mats ("Extremely comfy mats" as Sasuke would later say).

On the floor (the one that's not the podium) sat the rest of the clan that was authorized to come. The closer the family to the podium, the higher their status.

As a result, Shisui and his family sat right in front of the podium.

"Now, the reason why we are here is...the planned coup."

"Coup... chicken coup... farm... wheat... cereal... breakfast... yum," Sasuke said groggily.

"Sasuke!" Fugaku yelled. Sasuke bolted awake.

"Huh?"

"We are discussing the plan of the Coup. It has been proposed many times over, and now is the time to either finalize the plans, or scrap the whole thing."

"Coup...as in starting a civil war in Konoha?" Itachi asked.

"...yes."

"Okay, well, I'm against it," Shisui said. Many others nodded in agreement.

"Listen to the reasoning first," Fugaku said calmly.

"What reason could you possibly have for wanting to start a civil war?" Shisui said.

"...It's because of where our compound was moved, isn't it? Constantly under watch of the government. And the rumors pertaining to the Kyuubi attack. That's it, isn't it?" Itachi asked. Silence rained over them.

"Huh?" Fugaku said.

Sasuke sighed. "The real reason father wants to do the coup is because of our lack of government funding."

Itachi stared at his father. "Half of the money you use for coffee and coffee machines is enough to renovate the whole Clan compound. We have MORE than enough funding!"

"But we need the coffee! How else are the police supposed to function with our ridiculous hours? And the Elders," he nodded toward said elders, "had a unanimous vote to get coffee machines set up in every Uchiha's house. As you know, when all the Elders are in agreement, they can overrule the Clan Head."

"There is no such rule!" Itachi said incredulously.

"Well, there is now."

"How are we not bankrupt?" Itachi yells. Fugaku blinks, then seems lost in thought.

Finally, he shrugged. "I have no idea. All common logic says that the Uchiha should be broke, especially with all the side projects I've been funding."

Itachi sighs. "What is EVER common when it comes to the Uchiha? Also...what side projects?"

Fugaku suddenly looked serious. "Itachi, it's a very important side project." He looked at the rest of the Uchiha, too. "Nearly everyone in the Clan can benefit from it." Itachi's interest peaked.

"What is it?"

"Plastic surgery."

"...What?"

- - -

"So, let me get this straight," Itachi said, "You are gathering enough money for every Uchiha with wrinkles to get plastic surgery."

"Yes."

"Do you not hear how horrible that sounds?" Shisui says.

"What is so horrible about it?"

"You are ENCOURAGING your FAMILY to get PLASTIC-SURGERY! How is that not horrible?"

"It's not THAT bad..."

"Actually, looking from a political point of view, it is." All eyes turned to where that voice had come. It was Sasuke, who had yet to speak on the plastic surgery matter.

"Be quiet, Sasuke, the grown ups are discussing things," Fugaku said impatiently.

"Fugaku, he's your son, you should listen to him," Mikoto said lightly. She sounded like she was just scolding her children's slightly neglectful father, but in all actuality, she was making sure that her idiot husband didn't go unchecked. Honestly, what had happened to him in the last few years? He used to actually make good decisions. Luckily, she knew that Sasuke had a very tactical mind, even more so that Itachi. Sasuke thought like a PROPER Clan Head, which Fugaku had been before his descent into stupidity.

Fugaku frowned at his wife, about to tell her that the only reason Sasuke had come was that he had remembered Sasuke's fear of waking up to an empty house, but then saw that look in her eyes. He immediately started sweating and said, "Sorry, Sasuke, please go on."

Sasuke nodded, then turned to the rest of the Clan. "Getting the whole clan plastic surgery is very bad from a political point of view. The most obvious reason is the money. Wasting that much is absolutely unnecessary and very stupid. Next, what would the rest of Konoha think when most of the Uchiha suddenly got plastic surgery? They'll think that the clan is trying to achieve perfection. And that might threaten some of the other Konoha Clans. It would also suggest that we are not perfect and are trying to cover that up. That is considered a very cheap tactic, and the public will view the Uchiha the same way: cheap. It could tarnish our reputation, which is, after all, not caring about others and being above everyone else."

"While I disagree with you on the reputation thing," Shunsuke Uchiha, another member of a higher-ranked Uchiha family, said, "I do believe that he is correct about everything else."

Sasuke nodded. "Thank you. Father, I still don't get why you even thought about doing this. It's against ancient Uchiha tradition, after all."

"What tradition is there about WRINKLES?" Fugaku said incredulously.

"Come on, did you forget the tale of Tomohiro Uchiha?"

"...Who?"

"Did you even read the manuscript? It's in the Clan library, along with all the other ancient Uchiha texts. You guys have read that, right?" he said, turning to the crowd. They stayed silent. Sasuke groaned.

"Seriously? It's open to any Uchiha, and it's a fascinating tale! Has NO ONE read it?" More silence. "Fine, I'll tell it to you! Once there was a man named-"

"Wait, should we really be telling stories?" Shunsuke asked.

"Shut up," Sasuke said, with a terrifying glare.

"R-Right, sorry."

"Anyway, once there was a man named Tomohiro Uchiha. He was a brilliant child, the pride of our clan. He seemed to make things brighten whenever he stepped into a room, which was amazing, considering he was an Uchiha," cries of disagreement sprung up in the room, but Sasuke ignored them, "but, one day, he seemed horribly down.

"His brother, Manabu Uchiha, saw this and asked him what was wrong. Tomohiro told him that he saw wrong in our clan-"

"What do you mean he saw 'wrong'?" Shunsuke asked. "The grammar is horrible!"

"Well that's how it was written, okay! Anyway, Tomohiro said he saw wrong in our clan. That wrong was how we thought. He said that we always strived to achieve perfection. In that struggle, we did many horrible things to get there. Tomohiro told his brother that if the clan kept thinking like that, that we were always constantly obsessing over perfection, and eventually power, we would also form a distrust to others and others would form a distrust for us. It would be our demise.

"Manabu knew that his brother had rarely been wrong, so he grew worried. He told the Clan Head, and the Clan Head came to Tomohiro asking what they could do to stop that from happening. Tomohiro said that instead of striving for perfection, we must think ourselves always perfect, but always improving. Don't focus on the superficial, focus on self-improvement. That way, though we won't completely avoid our downfall, that is impossible, we can at least carry on our legacy longer. The End." Sasuke paused. "I know that some of his answers contradict his others, but that's the writer's fault. He was cramming too many excuses into one story, but he did have a good point. The reason the Uchiha never got plastic surgery before is because of that story, which said that we are already perfect in the superficial. I liked that.

"But, other than that, the story was basically just an excuse for why the Uchiha are known to act like we are the best and tend to disregard others opinions on us."

"...That was very boring. You expected us to read something that boring? It's not even a tall tale!" Shunsuke said.

"Actually, that was just one of the stories out of the book. I agree, it isn't the most exciting one, but the rest is really cool. It's about the trouble Tomohiro, his three brothers, and his sister get into. Although, in the end, he loses favor with the Clan and ends up getting executed for various reasons...but it's still a good read! The manuscript is called 'Tomohiro the Great' if anyone wants to read it."

No one said anything. Sasuke sighed. He turned to his father. "And that's why it goes against Uchiha tradition to get plastic surgery. It's considered trying to achieve superficial perfection. Mother used to tell it to me, as well as a few other tales, as a bedtime story."

Mikoto smiled, but Fugaku turned to her. "You've read 'Tomohiro the Great'?" Mikoto nodded. "Why didn't you say anything when he asked?"

"I raised my hand but no one was paying attention to me," she said politely. Though she looked calm, her husband could see that she was extremely ticked off at the fact that no one had noticed her.

"Well, anyway..." Shisui said, trying to break the tension, "now we can move on to a more serious problem. I've got a stalker."

Everyone stared at Shisui, then, suddenly, Kamiko stood up, a terrifying look in her full sharingan eyes. "Who. Is. Stalking. My. Baby?" Shisui sweat-dropped.

"M-Mother, calm down. I'll tell you." She stared at Shisui and nodded, sitting back down. "Okay, so the guy who's stalking me is called Danzo. At least, I think he is. That's what he told me. Anyway, I always find him following me at least once a day and at first I thought he was just planning on assassinating me, that's not new or anything, but now I think it's...something more."

"What do you mean 'something more'?" Itachi asked.

Shisui sighed. "I think he...likes me. Like, LIKE likes me. You know what I mean?" Kamiko looked horrified. Of course, what kind of mother wouldn't be? Your child is being gone after by someone more than three times their age.

"Are you sure that's why he's tracking you? He might be trying to gather information on you and the rest of the Uchiha," Atsushi said.

"Then why is he following ME? Why doesn't he follow Itachi? Also, I always hear him muttering about my eyes."

"...Maybe he wants your sharingan," Itachi said.

"Why does he need MINE? Why can't he take, like, I don't know, ANYONE ELSE'S?"

"You have a special sharingan. You know, you have the Mangekyo sharingan and, with that, you have Kotoamatsukami. I think that's it."

"No, I'm telling you, he LIKES me!"

Itachi sighed. This was going to take a while.

- - -

"Now, everyone is agreed that, while Shisui is being stalked, it isn't because Danzo likes him?" Fugaku asks. Nods all around. "Good. Now, onto the coffee issue. We still need more money-"

"No, we don't," Sasuke said. "If you put all the money you were taking away for plastic surgery back into the budget, we'll have more than enough money. Itachi and I'll help you manage it, though, since you seem to be having trouble with that."

Ignoring the jab to his ego, Fugaku stares questioningly at Sasuke. "I never told you how much money I put into the plastic surgery fund."

Sasuke smiled. "I know."

"Okay...I guess we won't be needing a rebellion after all. This meeting is adjourned. You can go back home and get some rest now."

"Get some rest?" Mikoto said, a warm smile on her face, though her voice was chillingly cold. "Dear, it's dawn. You have to get to work, Sasuke needs to go to the Academy, and Itachi has a mission lined up. Not to mention the hot mess you left our relationship with the Himura Clan. Now I have to get ready for breakfast with the Clan Head, Nori Himura, in less than thirty minutes and somehow smooth things over. After that, I still need to look over all of the Uchiha household affairs. Honestly, this whole meeting was...unnecessary."

Fugaku was pretty sure that Mikoto wanted to use a word much stronger than "unnecessary".

"R-Right, we must leave, and I, uh, apologize for the...wasted time." Fugaku quickly left, Sasuke and Mikoto following him at a more leisurely pace.

Itachi sat down next to Shisui. "I can't believe Father did that. He's so...clueless sometimes." Itachi waited for Shisui to answer, but all he got were snores. Itachi sighed, and then slung Shisui's arm across his shoulder. "Come on, you're on this mission with me, remember? Let's report to Lord Hokage."

As Itachi stood up, he nearly fell over. How had Kamiko carried Shisui? Itachi barely had the state of mind to think of that question as he blearily stumbled out the door, Shisui still snoring away.

- - -

Omake:

"Mikoto, I see you've finally arrived...are you feeling alright?" Nori Himura asked.

"Don't worry about it, Nori. My husband was just being an idiot," Mikoto said tiredly. Nori nodded, taking another bite of her food.

"So, Mikoto, when are you going to tell Fugaku that everything's fine and that you're only coming to these meetings to get away from there?"

As Mikoto pulled her fingers through her hair, she found a hair tie that she had frantically tried to use to tie her hair, and then lost, and sighed. "Not anytime soon, that's for sure."