23 March, 2020, Evening at 3 O'clock

"I think... I don't know how to tell you this... I'm in lo.... I like you."

"Do you even know what you are saying? Is this why I am giving you a salary? To behave like this? Have you forgotten the office rules? ........." bla bla bla.

Oh no! Not again. I faced this situation quite a lot of times in my life. Not the scolding part but being rejected. I am not really that much bad of a person but whenever I liked someone...

"Are you listening? If you ever crossed my path again, you will surely get fired from this office with a black mark. Now get out."

Arghhhhh.... I felt like crying. I'm so disappointed with myself to be in a place, where I'm unsure of what I want and how to get it. I'm not afraid of being fired, because I have enough money to live my entire life partying.

That's not the problem. But going away from him, that's like a sharp piercing in the soft flesh of my heart. Pain is oozing out of my eyes as tears. Draining every bit of my hope of getting his love. He hates my guts now. But this is not new to me, being left out. I'm so fed up with this unrequited love.

I left for my apartment after office hours speedily. Running away. After taking a long hot shower, I was standing in the balcony with my wet hair left open, one hand holding Coffee and another having my mobile.

I wanted to beg him to accept my love. But alas! My dejected heart is leaning towards another idea of jumping from this 8 storey building. If I stay here for more than a second now, I might feel like that's a good idea. I kept my mobile there in the hanging chair and came inside. I'm gloomy and hurt but not an idiot. I leaped onto my bed. Several thoughts are consuming my mind, from where it all started. It's like a tale I want to tell you now.

Oh! I forgot to tell you, I'm Mohana Shivaani and this is my story. A cursed princess love story.

My parents named me Mohana only. But why I added Shivani, you will get to know after sometime.

I was born on June 5th, in 1998, to the world's best parents. In my childhood we used to live in Vijayawada until I was eight years old. I was a hell of a child, an obnoxious girl to get along. I was pampered tremendously, so much so that I often wondered whether there's anything I will want that I can't get. I don't think so. Because my parents made sure about that, I'm a princess who just has to lift a finger to obtain whatever I fancied. Those were the days I could count on, because they are the only happy ones I have, before my life becomes a mess.

2006, Summer starting, April.

When we were leaving for Araku, my grandma's home, we met with an accident which took my parents' lives, but left me, to live with the nightmares that followed. I was given to my grandparents, because my relatives didn't think it was a good idea to have a brat in their home. Furthermore, my grandparents took an oath on the day I arrived into their home to make me a good disciplined girl.

At the time, I hadn't come to terms with my parents' demise. But the hardships I faced, made my days woeful. I got good grades, that was never a problem, but I didn't have best friends or even friends to share my grief with. At home, my grandparents didn't discuss it, because they felt it was mean to talk about my parents in front of me. If only they knew how much I was suffering inside. How I woke up screaming from my nightmares, tears streaming down my face, afraid to go back to sleep. I slowly changed from a chatterbox to an introvert.

2008, May

When I was ten years old...

During summer holidays our neighbors have guests. The thing is I never bothered about them till now, until a boy waved his hand to me. I'm left flabbergasted with his gesture.

He is around fourteen years, has a square face with pointed nose, bright eyes, thin lips and dark long hair almost covering his forehead, reaching his eyes, he's skinny, lengthier than me, I mean taller. He seemed to be an all points covered, attractive package.

I don't know what to do instead of waving back. So, I do that. He runs into my home's fencing, smiling all the way. That may be contagious because I am also smiling.

"Hey, are you new here, when I came last time, you were not there, right? "

"Yes, well, I'm new for two years." I said chuckling. He gave a bemused look.

"You are too wise for your age. What's your name?"

"My grandpa warned me not to tell any details to strangers."

"OH, then how about we make friendship kiddo."

"That I don't know, Biggie."

"Ummm... Okay, we will give each other our own names. How is that Kiddo?"

"But which names, Biggie?"

"Kiddo is nice na Kiddo?" he smirked at me.

"If you are going to call me Kiddo, I will call you Biggie." I scoffed at him.

"So now that we have completed the names task, we will start our friendship. OK? "

I don't have any reason to object so I agree. From that day, until his vacation was over and he had to go, we were inseparable. Though my grandparents are not much fond of this idea, we sneak out on every opportunity.

He brings me ice cream daily, a different flavor. That melts my heart every time. I opened up to him about everything that ran through my mind till that day. Since there's no one of his age around here, his family also allowed us to hang out with each other.

His mom makes Gulab jamun which tastes heavenly. She calls me to have them, but I can't go near her, because the warmth she shows makes me remember my Ma. Then I will start crying. And that just seems ludicrous, so I stay behind him, clutching his shirt and he takes it for me.

Maybe because of my vulnerability, he might have shown pity. But for me, he was the world, he was the light, the new ray of hope and happiness. I liked him very much.

But we parted soon because he had to go. He said we should be in contact and gave me his number. I wrote the number in my scrapbook. I gave him a brooch, my father's, as a token of my remembrance.

From the next day, I had to go to school. My grandparents thought it would be best if I went to a boarding school. Grandma packed my clothes and other necessities in two big bags. I kept my scrapbook, two dolls and stationery in my backpack. We went to Vizag and I joined the St. Anne's School. The school was new and so were the people. It was difficult in the beginning, to adjust, but slowly I got adapted.

Soon we had a picnic day. We went to visit the Vizag zoo. It was fun to watch all those animals and birds live, which we can only see on animal planet or discovery channels. Busy in admiring the animals, I lost my bag. My teachers searched for some time, but in vain. On that day, I cried a lot, like I lost some piece of me. How could I contact Biggie? I didn't even know his real name. And to add to my bad luck, my neighbors shifted to Kurnool due to uncle's transfer by the time I went home for holidays. Those were very bad days for me, all I could feel was sorrow, grief. Remembering my happy memories, I spent those days in melancholy.

School days were jolly days and I sort of hated going home. It was all good until tenth class, when a new transfer student came and asked me my name.

2012, June.

His name is Roshan. He's a lean guy but had attractive features.

With the hit of puberty, the confusing emotions caused by hormones and a new guy paying attention, I thought it was a more special bond than friendship.

So, I told him my secret, why I added Shivani to my name. It's because my father's name is Shiva and mother's name are Sravani. I added both names and attached it to mine. Since they are not with me, I wanted, at least, their names to be with me. He, Roshan, replied that I am too sensitive and caring. I just smiled.

I'm the only friend Roshan has because he's new here and nobody cared because it's tenth class and board exam preparations. I don't mind giving him some time because, as I said, I am good at academics. I have given him my notes, my own practiced math's books (which have few tricks).

By the time of final exams, he is as well prepared as me. He promised to treat me if he gets good marks. On the last day, he said he will always be thankful to me for my help and then he called me.... 'Sister'. So much for the special bond I felt. After that I haven't attended his treat.

2013

I chose MPC and joined the special programme for IIT JEE, NIFT, and other exams, which went without any of my fantasies interfering.

In between, when I went home for holidays, Roshan came and said he missed me. He wanted to begin a new relationship with me. I replied, "Sorry brother, I don't want to have any new relationships."

I got a seat in NIFT, Mumbai. I was always fascinated about fashion designing.

Amidst all this, the sad thing is, I lost my Grandpa.

To be continued...