I'm greeted in the morning with Bell snapping "did you know that was antique !"

I'm confused then it dawns on me she's addressing the smashed lamp in the courtyard, I smile at her, "it isn't any more" I can tell by her face she's in no mood for my sarcasm.

Dad quickly intervenes, "we will replace it".

She rolls her eyes "what I'd like to know is how it got down there".
Dad awkwardly looks at me with those pleading eyes for me to keep my mouth shut but this morning I'm in no mood to be submissive to anyone. "I launched the lamp out the window, there were dogs in the courtyard, filthy mutts howling so I shut them up".

Bell grits her teeth, she's less than impressed of my description of her precious feral boys. Dad pipes up "I thought you said it was a fox".

I shrug nonchalantly. "Fox, dog, flee ridden either way".

She stares at me I can see her eyes are burning with rage at my blatant defiance then she smirks as if a tiny bit impressed.

Dad pulls out his wallet "Jane you will go into town and replace it, won't you and you are sorry, you should never have broken it".

Bell scoffs. "You're going to replace it, it was antique. I highly doubt it's replaceable but nevertheless, she needs a lamp, that bedroom can get so dark and children do get scared of the darkness". Well her smugness is confirmation, it would seem her dogs have already told her about last night.

I smile sweetly. "Not me, whatever is in the dark of night is no different to what is in the light of day but I should have never broken it so I'll go get a replacement. Would you like to come with me Bell so you can choose a fitting replacement?"
This surprised the old witch, even as composed as Bell is she can't hide her shock at me entertaining the idea of spending some time with her, Dad looks pleased with my sweet gesture but Bell looks confused by my sudden invitation, I would also imagine a little suspicious.

This amuses me ...Good now she knows how it feels to be two steps behind, get used to it old lady I've only just started. But in true Bell fashion she fronts it out "I'd like that Jane, we could get lunch".

I giggle, "as long as you're paying" I think to myself that won't be the only thing you'll be paying for.

Bell decides that we will go to Canterbury. The Jag that picks us up from the train station when we arrive here takes us into town. This can't be a taxi, far too nice, maybe the driver is a friend of Bells who gives her lifts, not that she says two words to him the whole journey and God forbid she should get a bus like other people, but I don't question it. I've never been to Canterbury before but as soon as we arrive it becomes apparent how large and consuming it is compared to our little Whitstable. In the heart stands a huge Cathedral, quite breathtaking at first sight, it towers above all that stands around it - a constant reminder of what was once important in the past.

Once we get out the car into the high street everyone is rushing here and there, it is full of tourists and students. You move fast or get knocked out of the way because everyone has somewhere they need to be and fast. Bell seems unfazed as she glides through the crowds, I follow behind her, scared I'll lose sight of her until we arrive at Fenwick's. She saunters in with the confidence of someone who cares very little about money or price tags, as soon as we enter we are bombarded by overly excited makeup girls offering makeup sessions and free samples. Bell simply flicks her hand as if to dispel of them as we walk through. It becomes very apparent I will not have enough money to buy anything in here certainly not a lamp, is she doing this to humiliate me or teach me a lesson. But nevertheless, I go along trying to hide my uncomfortableness. We finally reach the household department and her pace slows down, she stops in front of a large Tiffany inspired glass lamp that shines as the light hits it. "What do you think Jane".

I've already clocked the price tag, it's wildly out of my price range but I pick it up, lift it up and down a few times then put it back "No good, too heavy to chuck out the window at dogs". She laughs, it would seem she does have a sense of humour but only for the obscenely bad things in life. "Why are we in here Bell ?"

She scoffs, "to replace the lamp you so kindly destroyed". Another cat and mouse game, great this never gets old.

"You know Dad can't afford anything in here, certainly not that lamp. Is this to punish me or humiliate me, put me back in my place ?"

She stares at me and for a second, just a tiny milli-second, looks hurt. "That's not my intention, you really don't trust or like me do you".

I bite my tongue from unleashing my true feelings. "It's not that I don't like you, I don't understand you". I wait for her to fire back, say something but she doesn't, part for me hopes she will so I can ask her all the questions I so desperately need answering, explain why she is so desperate to keep us here, why the feral boys treat her like a loyal master ?why I can't go in the church and who is Lilith?

As if she can see the desperation in my eyes but with no intention to release any of it, she does what Bell does so well and tries to regain control of the situation. "I can clearly see coming in here is a mistake, where would you like to go?" I shrug disinterestedly now she tries again. "We can go anywhere".

I shrug like a petulant child this isn't going how I thought it would , "I don't know Canterbury, I don't know where to get a lamp".

She laughs out loud as if I've amused her "Jane fuck the lamp" I see some shoppers glance horrified in our direction, "I don't give a flying fuck about the lamp, I'm going to take you to my favourite place, come on".
She puts her hand out for me take it, I'm apprehensive the last time I touched her I was sure I'd burn her alive, she senses this, "it's fine Jane" I place my hand gently into hers, I haven't held someone's hand in years but somehow it feels oddly comforting.

She walks us from the top of the town right down to the end as we duck and dive through the endless shoppers until we reached The Beaney. This beautiful historic building stands among all the shops with a majestic elegance the other buildings don't quite have. This is very Bell, as we walk up the large steps I turn to her, "what is this place ?"

She smiles, "it's a library, art gallery and museum. The place you go to remember the past and see the future." As we walk inside I'm overwhelmed by the beauty that is around me, we silently walk from room to room taking in all that's around me from the endless paintings to the abundance of books, the wonderful artefacts to the chilling taxidermy that haunts and amazes you all at once. It's impossible not to be amazed and in awe of everything that's all around you.

"Bell we didn't pay when we came in".

She glances back at me, "it's free Jane , all the best things in life are".

I nod in agreement. "Do you come here often ?"

She pauses then leans in, "every Wednesday morning I come here, it's like my church Jane" for a brief second I feel like I'm finally seeing a part of her, with everything that happens in life, in the world. Everyone with their own personal journey that can be full of sadness, hurt and regret how could you be disheartened when you see all this beauty that's been created .

As if she read my thoughts, "human can be the cruellest of animals but also create the most beauty, what a double-edged sword. You know, there is not a lot I like or care for in humans but this".
While I still don't trust Bell I feel I understand her just a little more, she has very little interest or feelings towards humanity or the world, she is hardened to most things because most things seemed bore her. But for things she loves she has all the time in the world for.

Afterwards, we go to Cafe Rouge and sit outside. Whilst she sips on tea I devour a cream cake while she looks on at my apparent lack of table manners, it's a warm day so quite nice sitting with the sun on my face. The people rush by like fish swimming upstream working their way through the high street but we are still.

Bell breaks the silence. "Do you feel like you understand me a little more?"

I wipe the cream from the corners of my mouth, "a little but..."

She interrupts, "but you still have things you feel you need to know, fine then ask me".

I feel the last bit of cream cake stick in my throat, here's my moment. "Why are you so desperate to keep me and dad in Whitstable with you?"

She places her cup down, "because you remind me of my daughter" I go to speak and she barks "next question!"

I'm thrown by this but try to compose myself, not to lose my train of thought. "OK, why do the feral boys hang around you ?"

She sips her tea then places it quietly down on the table. "They work for me, their job is simply to do as I say. Like a dog they follow me, they have no independent thoughts of their own, in return, I look after them". She is the dominant they are the submissive but not that you'd realise that to look at them.

"Who is Lilith?" She drops her cup to the ground and the other customers glance over and mutter, assuming she's having a senior moment. I grab the napkins to mop up the scalding tea that she has splashed everywhere but she doesn't move at all. I pick up the shattered cup from the floor scrambling on the ground whist trying not to cut myself.

She whispers, "I haven't heard that name in a very long time". I noticed tears are rolling down her cheek but not a single sob or sound comes out from her. I sit back down on my chair opposite her, shocked by her reaction and a twang of guilt that I've made her cry, I try to comfort her.

"I'm sorry Bell, I didn't mean to upset you, was that your daughter ?"

She shakes her head, "just someone from my past, who I'd long forgotten about".
She takes the only remaining dry napkin and wipes the tears from her face.

"Jane I think it's time to go home now". I try to apologise again; she replies its fine but this feels anything but fine. But not once does she ask me where I heard that name or whom from. In the pit of my stomach, I feel she already knows, I will have to as soon as I can warn the vicar as I fear if she gets to him first the feral boys will be the least off his worries. I think Bell will deal with him herself.