I wake with a start in the knowledge that I'd given in to sleep but the overwhelming relief nothing had happened.

From the lounge I hear nothing not a sound of any life, I kick off the covers I pull myself up using all my reserved energy because today I will walk unaided, I stagger to the toilet holding on to furniture occasionally resting against the wall but never less convinced this is the only way, the quicker I walk, the sooner me and dad can run. Determination can be the fuel for motivation especially when your own mortality feels at risk but with each step I reminded myself I can do this, as I reach the bathroom I cling on to the door like a child on the ice, I try to quietly shut the door then collapse on the toilet exhausted as if I've just run a marathon, never in my life have I ever had a more satisfying wee.

I can hear dad outside he must be starting on his first coffee of the day but I quickly realise he's not alone when I hear him offer a drink.  Then I hear her voice, it's Bell I debate whether to get up and flush but then change my mind, maybe he's called her here to tell her we are leaving. 

I hear the kettle whistle; it seems loud as neither of them are talking.  He coughs repeatedly - a terrible habit he has that he does before he's about to say something important it's almost as if he has to be sure he can get it all out in one go without being interrupted by himself "Bell I would like to start by saying how grateful me and Jane are for this wonderful opportunity you gave us both but ... We've been talking and she's not settling in here, we've decided it's for the best if we leave"  I wait, there's nothing I lean forward to make sure I am not missing anything, dad coughs again, "Bell you have been so tremendously kind but I have to put Jane first".

There is a tapping, like fingernails on the dining room table, "and where do you intend on taking this ill child?"  Her voice is controlled but icy she's giving nothing away.

"I was going to wait a couple of days until she's a little stronger and also see out the week working in the bar then maybe head up to a friend's house in Manchester, hopefully crash there whilst looking for work".

She starts to laugh, "let me get this right.  You are taking the child away from a home, to possibly crash on a sofa, in the hope you may get a job when you already have a job here.  Have I missed something?" The tapping is getting louder I can't work out if it's him or her.

His voice breaks, he feels uncomfortable, "I'm so sorry if this seems ungrateful and I know what I'm saying must seem mad but I promised that if she wanted to leave, we would leave; she wants to go Bell".

I hear the chair screech on the tiles as one of them has gotten up, "I'm sorry but no, that child is sick, if you want to leave by all means go but she stays here".

I hear a bang on the table like a first slamming down in frustration. 

"You take her, I will ring social services, you are not her biological father, you have no legal rights over that child, you wasn't even married to her mother.  She will be put in a group home, do you think she'd survive in a place like that?  The things that happen to young girls in those places, they will never give her back to you, you'll never see her again.  You have no money, no job, no home, no fucking chance!" she sneers at him.

"Fuck you Bell!  I'm taking her now, she's my kid, not yours! No one is taking her from me". I hear him get up, the chair flies to the ground as he storms around banging and crashing, then her laughter echoes through the silent flat.

"You go to leave, I will ring the police and I will tell Jane everything about what happened that night before you even get past the front door".

I cover my mouth so they can't hear my heavy breathing, that is now ragged due to pain.  What will she tell me?  What is dad not telling me?

His voice has gone lower,  "you said you wouldn't tell her".

She screams at him, her voice has gone so high it's verging on hysterical with an undercurrent of anger; "and you promised to stay so it seems neither of us are keeping our word.  Do you really think she will go anywhere with you when she knows the truth?  Stupid little man, there is no lengths I won't go to to guarantee she stays. I've looked for so long for her, I will not have you take her away from me".

He fires back at her "What do you mean you've looked so long for her?  why have you been looking for my daughter ?"

I step closer to the bathroom door I press my ear to the cool wood so I don't miss a word but then I hear them, their animalistic growl low and deep, from the pits of their guts, the feral boys are in there with dad, I swing the door open trying to run to his aid but my legs give way.  I collapse to the floor like a dead weight, I look up to see just dad and Belle. My eyes dart all around the room looking for them.  Dad tries to pick me up but I push him away to crawl to the chair, there I drag myself up to my knees, then push myself up onto my feet.  I wobble but steady myself, once I'm centred I stare through Bell to Dad, "What are you not telling me?" he awkwardly glances at Bell I can see him pleading her with his with his eyes to say nothing.  "What does she have over you? I know a hustle when I see one".

She smiles at me but it never meets her eyes, "your father owes me money, you can't leave until his debt is paid".

Bollocks she's lying they are both lying, I stare her down.  "Where are they I heard them" she dramatically shrugs then looks around.  "Where's whom? there is only me and your father".

I'm in no mood for her games.  "Where the fuck are they?  Your fucking dogs, your fucking feral boys.  I swear if they touch one hair on his head".

She steps towards me "you'll do what Jane?"

I hold my ground and step closer to her knowing how scared she was last time I touched her.  "Next time I won't let go" I growl at her through gritted teeth.

She pulls her burnt wrist towards her stomach as if the memory alone sends flames into her bones, she unconsciously fiddles with the cuff of her cardigan.  She's backed in a corner and like a scared animal will come out fighting "I don't know what you mean Jane, this talk of dogs and boys there is no one here but me and your father.  I think you're still not well". She turns to my dad.  "See, she's still not well.  Could you possibly take her anywhere in this state?".

I can see him looking at me but his eyes never meet mine - his eyes always give him away.  I know whatever she's got on him it's big.  He would never take this from anyone yet she's manipulating and bending him at her will. I slump on the chair too tired to fight anymore, truthfully not entirely sure who I'm fighting against.

Dad speaks finally "Jane, Bell is right, you're still not well, we will discuss this when your better" but I know deep in my heart we won't, he's in too deep.  She's quite happy to keep burying him.

"Dad" I plead, but I'm trying his patience.

"Jane enough!" he shouts at me.  He's never raised his voice to me, my gentle giant is gone and been replaced by this stranger in my dad's body. 

He gestures to Bell to leave, "I think Jane needs to rest.  If you wouldn't mind I want to get her back into bed". She nods in agreement and walks to the door that leads down to the pub, dad follows behind her to see her out.

She calls out to me to rest and that she hopes I feel better soon then I hear her say to him, before she leaves, "I gave you a job to run the bar and to be persuasive",she glances over at me, "be persuasive ... I trust we understand each other" then she leaves.

He carries me to bed and we don't speak.  Later he brings me food and we don't speak.  He checks on me before he goes to sleep and we still don't speak.

This is how we go for the next few weeks, barely saying a few words to each other, both trapped in our corners while a void grows bigger and bigger pushing us both further apart.  All I can do is rest, so I can get stronger because if he won't run with me I'll have to run on my own.  With every visit of Bell, I build up a stronger wall to her, I don't speak, or even acknowledge her, she pretends it doesn't bother her but I know it does.

I no longer see her as crazy old lady but my captor, she has taken my one and only person I have in this whole world away from me and for that, I will make her pay.