Bring me back.. My heart breaks as I began to wake.

I had dreamt constantly since my birthday, of my mother holding me close. I see her rosey plumb lips curling into a smile. her dark velvet hair tickling my nose.

I had that dream so often, and somehow I knew it was a memory.

I'm nineteen now. I celebrated with Nan, and later that day I went out with Tina to a restaurant. That was a week ago.

Somehow, someway of course when I'm around all hell broke loose.

Tina's handsy boyfriend had found his way to my leg that entirely shocked me enough to freeze. With no resistance he goes for it; lifting up my skirt I drop the chips I was about to crunch down on, it wasn't lady like at the time being and to be having the picture in my very possession was worst, oh yes.. and...

The thought sickens me.

At that awful experience Tina seen the action, but she spun around before I sprung up. -before he can go further- dumping the chocolate devils fudge cake with lighted candles at that very moment the waitresses were bringing to me. singing happy birthday.

I ruined my own cake. Resulting to my part. I ruined my own friggin party. I thought bluntly.

Oh and the fact his suit burst into flames maybe it was the alcohol he was drinking or my fury.. which is impossible.

I was banned from the restaurant, so what, I was banned from a restaurant before.

But from the results of that night; I!.. I had to pay for his suit, like hell I won't! I went over his place while his mother opened the door and I gave her what I had two dollars it was a joke for him when he gets home. But the mother instead plastered me to have manners, I walked away and assured her that I won't be paying his suit.

I left the darn minute, retailing my steps was she looking at me all the way down the street?..

With a heavy sigh, I shift in my bed. Can last week disappear. Better yet. Can I?

I'm nineteen. I'm use to being the underdog, the black cat the unlucky one. For nineteen years.

Still Tina believes her boyfriend. that he said 'I asked for it' Why. would. I .. ask and dump my cake all over him. It was a beautiful cake!

I gave up wishing, for the dream back for a slight glimpse of it anyhow sleep wasn't pulling me into the great abyss..

I pull the covers down and started wishing I was dead, it was embarrassing the worst part was Tina wasn't my closest anymore.

Timmy the garbage man yeah that's what I'm down with now.

I flipped myself upward and slipped into a robe I grabbed my cellphone and three miss calls from unknown number. Great.

3:17a.m
3:22a.m
4:15a.m

"Ugh" I groaned.

For some reason these calls never ended since my birthday last week.

I picked up once but the other line was an figid un-recall language I've never heard of. So I considered it was long-distance which I cannot afford.

I consider to brush my hair, the only thing that I liked about myself; my hair, it was black silky like an ravens and shaped out my face, to be decent.

When I pulled my hair from my face, you can see the huge oval shaped head I had an big forehead and a odd pointed jaw high cheekbones. I don't like what I see.

But over the years, my hair had shaped out my cheekbones and my pointed jaw.

I washed my face and put on an fleece tank and my jacket that had big buttons, I looped each one through it's rightful area.

I made my way through the scattered hallway of boxes, Nan and I were neighbors with the Minkly Family whose having a rummage sale and Nana offered her place to store their boxes of junk to organize for this up coming weekend.

I finally got my foot over the last remaining box, bluntly in victory. My other foot rammed into that box it sent me flying to the ground knees first.

With a loud thud and thuff from me.

I winced, putting on a tight lip groaning in pain.

"Sweetie is that you?" Doris my Nans caretaker yelled from downstairs.

I simply can't go out of my own room without making a noise.

"Ohyeah it's me, just tripped over one of the boxes, I'm fine"

"Ohh dear let me-"

"No- no.. God's no I'm fine." I forced myself up and carefully made my way to the staircase I poked my head down.

Doris her short honey silk hair was in a bun she was wearing a blue knitted sweater and jeans that hugged her well, she was 39 but looked 22.

Her green eyes sparkled as she seen me, I felt myself fade to my normal light tanned brown peech color I always burst into bright red whenever I blush, my cheeks and forehead were burning to the back of my neck.

"Hey I'll be down in a second." I called out, and walked to my Nans room the door was always slightly open.

I look through the small slit, her room was painted dark red, and decorated with old news papers, she was a journalists when she was younger so was her uncle.

She collected some of the things he wrote about and kept some things she wrote too.

His was framed.

The old brown craved antic type writer was still in its place on a wooden desk, her bed covers were white and the blanket was of naked baby blonde angels.

She was looking out the big window that almost reached the floor and touched the ceiling. she brought her wrinkled hand out and dropped some seeds into the bird house.

Today she was wearing a printed designed gown, red and silvery gold designed, her hair was shoulder length with grey lines already forming the color was dark red-brown like my mother's so I think.

She hums to herself, I let a small breath out relieved she wasn't having any outbreaks since I was seventeen and a half to be correct about it.

But I'm still waiting, I'm still waiting for her to yell strange mix match languages at me since I am nineteen maybe I won't blame myself for it, she was originally Irish but grew up german in an orphanage and traveled to Egypt and Ireland. Maybe the only thing in common of the two of us. Was the orphanage, she settled in new york for some utter reason.

I made my way down stairs and eat the stale bread and some fruit before leaving for the public bus.

My past experiences caused me to become bitter in thought.

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