CHAPTER NINETY ONE.
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Everything seems meaningless to Harry, he feels numb to everything. As the days pass, he feels himself drowning more and more into his sorrows than coming back to life. It's like some part of him is missing, like he's left behind some very crucial part of his existence in the world of dream- that part being his will to live.
Every night when he closes his eyes, he wishes to see them again, just for a single moment. But then he wakes up in the middle of the night panting and screaming from his nightmares, all alone in the dark room with no one to comfort him. Tears are something that he's grown accustomed to. He's done with being a tough man anymore, he wants to fucking cry so he cries whenever he feels like it.
Selvia vists him at the hospital everyday, she tries to get him to talk, tries to make him say just a few words but it's like Harry has lost his ability to speak, infact, it's like he's lost his ability to do almost everything.
He can't seem to focus on anything she says, zoning out no matter how hard he tries to stay attentive, just for her sake, yet it doesn't work. He tries to eat but never finds himself hungry anymore. All he can do is sleep and think of her.
He remembers the day Zayn came to visit him, he stared at Harry for a couple of minutes before his face twisted with anger and he threw the bouquet of flowers on the floor before he started to throw a fit.
"I fucking told that bitch not to hurt him again."
This is the only sentence of Zayn that he seems to remember. Everything else seems to be a blur just like the entire week.
It's Tuesday and doctors have told him that he will be discharged today since they've had enough time examining him and now he seems good enough to go back to his daily routine. But what they don't know is that Harry feels rotten inside. He feels like a rotten dead body.
Selvia seems extremely happy to take Harry back home but he doesn't understand why she's being so cheery. It's like leaving a smaller room and going to a bigger one in Harry's opinion.
"Harry?" He hears Selvia but makes no attempt to open his eyes and see what she wants with him.
They've been in her car for quite sometime now and throughout the ride, Harry has leaned his head against the window, watching the cars and people passing by and wondering if they have anyone to go back home to.
"Would like something to eat? Anything?" She asks him and Harry slowly shakes his head no, still not looking in her direction.
A small sigh escapes the woman's lips and she frowns, glancing at Harry momentarily before focusing her gaze back on the road.
"Talk to me, Harry." The frustration is clear in her voice as she utter the words, remembering how many times she has said the exact sentence in the past week.
Minutes pass and Selvia finally gives up the hope of getting a response from him. The rest of their journey takes place in silence, not a single word exchanged between the two.
When they stop in front of Niall's and Selvia's house, Harry frowns and finally looks over at the girl whose waiting for him to get out of the car.
"Why are we here?" Harry's voice comes out rough and husky and he immediately clears his throat, waiting for her response.
All he wants at the moment is to be left alone with his thoughts and he doesn't understand why has she still not grasped the idea.
"You can't be left alone for the time being, Harry. Come on." The girl offers him a kind smile as she undo her seatbelt and gets out of the car.
Harry stays glued to his place though, glaring at the girl as she approaches his side and opens the door for him to get out. They silently stare at each other, trying to get their point across without saying anything.
However Harry finally looks away and shakes his head while looking down at his entwined hands.
"I want to stay alone for sometime." He explains softly, no matter how annoyed he is with Selvia right now, he can't find it in himself to be harsh with her for she's the only one whose stayed by his side in thick and thin.
Harry stays still when Selvia places her warm hand on his cold ones and squeezes them gently, reassuringly. He notice how lively and pink her skin looks as compared to his yellowish one but makes no comment on it, just wishes for her to stay happy as long as she lives.
"I can help you, Harry. I can give you answers." Harry's head snaps up at her words and he stares at her wide eyes. His finger twitch and he gulps loudly as he realizes what she's talking about.
She's known of her death all along. She knew much yet she kept it a secret for him.
"You.. you knew, didn't you?" Harry's voice come out smaller than ever and he feels the tears building up in his eyes, blurring his vision.
She smiles sadly at him and gives his hand another squeeze before stepping away and giving Harry space to get out of the car.
"Not here, Harry. Let's go inside first." She tells him and this time, Harry's quick to compile to her request because all he wants right now is to know everything there is to know. Everything that has been kept away from his knowledge for this long.
As they enter the house, Harry's not very pleased to see yet another person around him. Niall is lying on the couch, watching some show on the television but as soon as he hears footsteps, he sits up and watches Selvia approaching her with Harry standing far away.
"Babe, didn't you have work to do?" Selvia asks his man while giving him a small hug before moving away and smiling at him.
All Niall do is shrug in response before his gaze travels back to Harry, who doesn't look least bit interested in whatever is going on. He and Selvia had gone over him staying at their place for sometime and although Niall was reluctant at first, he had finally agreed with Selvia but seeing Harry's posture at the moment, he realizes that's Harry's far more reluctant to be here than him.
"Alright there, mate?" Niall asks raising one of his eyebrows as he relaxes back into the couch. Eyes still fix on Harry's uncomfortable figure.
Harry feels like staying silent and so he does, not bothering himself to be polite and answer him. When Selvia notices Harry's lack of willingness to speak, she quietly tells Niall to leave them alone for sometime and he nods, switching off the television before getting up and going to his room.
"Why are you standing there, my love?" She asks while taking long strides to approach him. Aware of the fact that she won't get any answer from Harry, she just smiles at him when he looks up and takes a hold of his hand, tugging him towards the couch.
She watches him closely as they sit down next to each other. She notices how his eyes look around the room like he's searching for someone before his body becomes tense and he just stares into an empty space like a lost soul. He's there with her physically yet his mind is somewhere far away.
Her eyes well up with tears at Harry's state, she can't help but miss his real self. His hearty laughs and his dimpled smiles. She misses the way his eyes use to light up at small things. She hasn't seen him being like that since Stella's death. Not even when he was with Laura.
"What did that one girl do to you, Harry?" She whispers to herself, wiping away the tears from her cheeks but fresh ones immediately replace them.
"Why wasn't I told.." Harry's voice causes her to snap out of her thoughts and she blinks her eyes a couple of times before focusing her gaze back on him, "About her death. Why didn't anyone tell me about it?"
Selvia lips part as she thinks of an appropriate way to explain everything that had happened on that unfortunate day.
"You knew, Harry. You were the first one police had contacted when they found her."
Harry taps his foot impatiently, his phone tightly clutched in his hand as he dials her number once again however just like the last fifty times, her phone is switched off.
"She's not a kid, Harry. She'll be home soon, don't worry." Selvia tries to reassure him as she places a tray of food on the table in front of him.
Harry eyed the food momentarily before looking away, it had been two days since her sudden disappearance and throughout the span of forty-eight hours, Harry has not eaten even once neither has he taken a nap.
"She's never done something like this before, Selvia. She always lets me know her whereabouts when we're not together. This all phone switched off thing is very unlike her." Harry explains in worried tone, running his hand through his hair and exhaling loudly.
The ring he had bought yesterday to propose her is still in the pocket of his jeans and he slowly fishes it out, staring at the beautiful diamond before closing the box and tucking it back into the pocket before he stands up and walks towards their room.
He opens the drawer of the dressing table and safely put the small box of ring in the very corner of the drawer before going to the rest room to wash his face.
Harry stares at his reflection in the mirror and notices the bags and the redness of his eyes due to the lack of sleep. Shrugging it off, he turns on the tap and splashes his face with icy cold water washing away the sleep.
A knock on the door of bathroom sounds in Harry's ears and he turns away from the basin with a sigh, opening the door and finding Selvia standing there with his phone in her hand. Her lips set in a thin line and eyebrows furrowed.
She extends her hand in Harry's direction silently who immediately snatches it away from her hand and brings it to his ear.
"Hello." He says carefully, eyeing Selvia's tense figure while waiting for the person on the other side to respond.
"Yes, this is Harry Styles." He nods and frowns at hearing the person informing him that he's a police officer.
"Do you know someone named Stella?" The police officer asks him and Harry feels his heart beat accelerating at the mention of her name, aware of the fact that police rarely gives to a good news.
"Yes, she's.." Harry's voice breaks and he clears his throat and closes his eyes, preparing himself for some bad news before continuing, "She's my girlfriend."
"I'm afraid we've got a terrible news for you, Sir." The man tells him in an apologetic tone and Harry feels his body shake with fear, his mouth going dry as he waits for the officer to continue.
"We found her dead body outside an apartment building, it seems to be a suicide but we're not really sure at the time." The words make Harry's head spin, the phone slips from his hand and falls onto the tiled floor with a thud.
Harry feels like everything is spinning, his head hurts and his shaking hands come up to rub his temples. Selvia's voice sounds in his ears but he can't make out the words.
"Harry, what is it?" She questions for the nth time, rubbing his back to comfort him.
Harry looks up into her eyes with pained expression, mouth slightly parted and eyes glossy with tears and it scares Selvia more than anything. Never, since Harry was a child had she seen Harry look this devastated.
"You were the first to see her dead body, the only one to hold her lifeless body in your arms for the last time." Selvia sobs as the image of how broken Harry looked when he held her to him, crosses her mind.
"You stood there, watched as she was lowered into her grave." She furthers adds before carefully looking up at Harry whose staring at her with a poker face, like he can't understand what she's saying.
"We... you were crushed at the time, in denial of her being dead and we decided to let it stay that way for a while. We thought it was just your way to cope with the loss." Selvia says, her shaking hand reaches out to hold Harry's icy cold one and she rubs it to sooth him a bit.
She's aware of how much this all must be for Harry to take in but she also believes that it's not right to keep all this in dark anymore. Harry deserves to know the truth, he needs to know everything for him to move on from her.
"It's like, that part of your memory just got erased somehow. Doctors weren't sure about it. They said it was your way to help yourself move on. You just kept on waiting for her and whenever any of us tried to remind you of the truth, you denied, screamed, drank. It was horrible, Harry.. it was so painful for us to see you that way."
Selvia huffs, watching Harry and waiting for him to say something but he stays silent and completely motionless like a wax dummy.
"Harry?" She says quietly, gently shaking his shoulder to make sure that he hasn't zoned out and is still listening to her.
"So you all decided to let it stay that way." Harry concludes after minutes of eerie silence and Selvia nods her head in response, realizing just now how wrong it was of them to do that.
"It was Josh's suggestion. He said that he'd take care of everything else and we believed him, we had no other choice." She remembers the day Josh had called her, he was ecstatic and had explained that he's found Stella's look alike.
"Josh, are you sure about this." Selvia asks him, frowning as she thinks about Josh's idea.
"You do know that there's no other way to help Harry, Selvia." Josh says and she hears him sigh on the other side.
Selvia thinks about the poor girl who knew nothing about what was written in her fate but then she thinks about Harry, remembers the last time she had seen him and she finds herself agreeing.
"Okay then." She whispers into the phone, closing her eyes and silently asking God for forgiveness.
"I just wanted the best for you, Harry." She tells him, biting her bottom lip to prevent herself from crying. "I'm sorry."
Selvia waits for Harry to lash out, to scream and break stuff like he always does when he's mad but instead he remains surprisingly calm, his face void of any emotions and that's what scares her even more. The only other time she had seen him like this was when Stella had died.
So? Please let me know what you think guyss.
Comments encourage me to write quicker.
Love you all.
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