CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX.

-----------HARRY'S P.O.V------------------

I find Josh in the garden outside Liam's house. He's sitting on a small bench, staring into the space with a cigarette in his mouth.

I walk towards the bench and sit next to him, crossing my arms over my chest. Josh turns his head to spare me a glance before looking back ahead of him. He takes in a puff of smoke and then offers his cigarette to me.

I stare at the stick for a couple of seconds before letting out a heavy sigh and pushing his hand away while shaking my head, no.

"You know I don't smoke, bro." I tell him quietly and he shrugs, bringing it back to his own mouth and breathing in the cancerous substances.

I give him a look of disapproval, it's been years since he started smoking and even though I've tried so many times to convince him to stop taking the cancer into his lungs, he never listens. I open my mouth to advice him again but then decide to just ignore it this time, if he doesn't care about his health, I shouldn't either.

"So, what do you wanted to talk about?" I ask him, leaning against the bench as I stare at the side of his face.

Josh raises his eyebrows at my words as if he's just remembered the purpose of me being here. He takes in one long drag of his cigarette before throwing it on to the grass and stomping it with his foot. Then he turns to look at me, eyes watching me intently as he opens his mouth to talk.

"How are you?" He asks me, the question sounds very normal and genuine but I know what he means. He's asking me about my anger issues and depression.

"A lot better then before." I answer him very honestly. Ever since Stella came back, I've been better. At least I don't get the urge of killing someone.

"That's great." He says with a nod and I smile a little. It's because of him that I got her back. If he hadn't tracked her down, I'm not sure where I would've been standing right now.

"What about the pills, you've been taking them regularly, three times a day?" He questions and I nod my head hesitantly. I've never been a fan of those medicines. All they do is aggravate me, heighten my anger and that's it. I've never felt good after taking them and so I take them once a day only.

"Josh, you know I want to become normal again but.. I don't want to take those pills anymore." I tell him very honestly, from the very start, I've opened up to my big brother, the only family I have left. He's always been here for me, through thick and thin and I know that if there's anyone I can trust with all my heart and soul, it's no one other than my big bro.

I watch as he furrows his eyebrows at my words and inhale sharply. His face twists in anger and I already know that he didn't like what I've just said.

"Are you fucking nuts, Harry?" Josh snaps harshly and I just shrug my shoulders, looking away from him. I know where this conservation will go. He's gonna tell me all that I've been through the past few months and how hard it was for him to bring me back to sanity.

"What? Just because she's back, you think you're okay?" He questions me again and I clench my teeth at the mention of Stella. Why the fuck does he has to remind me of her running away? She's back, she loves me. That's all I need to keep in my mind. She loves me..

"I don't need a remainder of that, Josh." I tell him, taking in a deep breath to stay calm. I can not show him my anger,that'll only prove his point of me not being mentally normal.

He chuckles bitterly at my words before saying, "Well, I'm very sorry to bring the truth up, Harry but I think that's exactly what you need to be reminded of at the moment." I turn my head towards him, silently warning him to let it go but he just smiles bitterly and glares at me at the same time.

"What if she leaves you again, Harry? What will you do?" He says quietly and a shudder passes through me at his words. My fingers twitch to punch something but I keep my arms folded, hoping that our conversation will end soon.

"Is this what you wanted to talk about?" I question him, looking straight in to his eyes and daring him to continue talking shit.

"She doesn't love you, Harry. She never will. She's a fucking gold digger, using you for your money." Josh continues and before I know it, I've grabbed his collar, my other hand fisted, ready to punch him.

"Yeah, C'mon. Punch me, man. Punch me cause I only want the best for you." Josh says, raising his voice a little and seeming totally unfazed by my sudden action.

We stare at each other for a few seconds before he pushes at my chest, causing me to lose my grip on his shirt and move away.

"You know nothing about her." I tell him, my voice coming out rougher than usual.

"I know her more than you, Harry. She's being my friend before you two even knew each other." Josh says, raising from the bench and taking out another cigarette from his back pocket. "Don't trust her too much, not after what she did."

"You don't fucking need to tell me what to do." I snap at him and stand up, ready to get away from him as soon as possible. I give him one more look before turning back towards the house.

"You have an appointment with your psychiatrist today, five p.m sharp. Don't be late." Josh says and I stop in my tracks, turning around, I show him my middle finger before walking away.

Stella is exactly where I left her, sitting on the bed, with her back to me. I barge in to the room, making my presence known by loudly slamming the door shut. I feel her eyes on me as I walk towards her sandals and pick them up.

"Harry." She calls my name, sounding but I ignore her. I don't want to talk to her or look at her, it will only make me more angry.

"Let's go." I tell her quietly, as I make my way back towards the door.

I look at her from the corner of my eyes as she struggles to walk without hurting her foot more than it already is. My heart is in my throat and my anger heights when all of the sudden she loses her balance and falls on to the ground, a small gasp leaving her mouth.

"You could've have asked me to fucking pick you up but no, you just like to act all bitchy, yeah?" I snap at her as I kneel down beside her, before down at the floor instead of her face and roughly pull her into my arms.

I hear her sniffling as I walk out of the house and towards the car but I don't look down to see if she's crying or not. It gets on my nerves, how she's always crying. She wasn't like this before, she used to be so strong. A completely different person than she is now.

"Stop with the crying, please." I say while strapping her into the passenger seat. Before I move back, I make sure to take a good look of her foot, just to make sure that it isn't too badly hurt.

On the drive back home, the only thing that runs through my mind is Josh's words. What if he's right? What if she decides to leave me again? She won't, she can't leave me. I won't let her.

"Fuck." I shout, feeling like my head is going to explode any second. I push down on to the breaks, causing the car to come to halt with a jerk.

My breathing is heavy as I turn my head to look at Stella, finding her staring at me with his eyebrows furrowed and the corner of her lips turned downwards.

"Get out of the car." I hiss at her, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly and my entire body shaking with anger.

She stay in her place, not moving an inch and she keeping her eyes trained on me.

"Did you not hear what I just said? Out. Now. Get out of the car." I shout at her and she jumps in her seat at my harsh and loud tone.

I don't know why I'm doing this. I can't control the words that are coming out of my mouth.

It remains quite for a minute after that, the only sound I can hear is of my harsh breathing and the beating of my heart. But then she places her hand on my thigh, my entire body becoming tense at the feel of her warm palm.

"Don't touch me." I tell her but the tone of my voice betrays me. It's obvious that I want the exact opposite. I want her to touch me, everywhere. I want her to caress my skin like she used to before, making me feel loved. I want her to kiss me and hold me and tell me that she never wants to let me go.

Instead of moving her hand away, she squeezes my knees and I immediately grab it, she tries to pull it away from me but I only tighten my grip on it. I place a kiss to her knuckle before bringing her hand up to my neck. Stella seems to understand what I want her to do as she lightly caresses my skin, moving it up to my hair and slowly scratching my scalp.

A content sigh leaves my lips at her action and I close my eyes, just enjoying the moment as long as it can last. But my happiness is short lived, the sound of the horn startling us both and I curse under my breath before starting the car and driving off.

We stay quite throughout the rest of our journey. As we pull into the garage, Stella opens the door to get out but I stop her saying, "Stay put. Don't want you to fall again."

She nods her head in response and I quickly get out of the car, walking towards her side, I open the door and scoop her into my arms with ease, closing the door of the car with my foot.

As I walk into the house, I don't ask her where she wants to go, just walk into the living room and place her onto the couch.

"Thank you." I says in a small voice but I don't reply, instead I walk towards the room to take a shower and change out of the smelly clothes.

Opening the closet, I grab the first pair of pants and shirt I see. I strip out of my clothes and walk into the bathroom.

The cold water cascading down my down does nothing to calm me down. My head hurts from the negative thoughts and I don't know what to do to make them go away. Josh's words repeat themself in my head over and over again like a broken record. Fuck fuck fuck. I groan and pull at my wet hair, it's times like these that makes me want to die. Finally be at peace.

After spending a good ten minutes in the shower, I get out and put my clothes on. I walk out of the bathroom and walk towards the bedside table.

I clench my jaw at the sight of the bottles of pills, picking up all three bottle, I shove them into the back pocket of my jeans before grabbing my wallet and car keys , deciding that I need to get out of this house before I end up doing something crazy.

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