CHAPTER EIGHTY

YOU GUYS STILL READING MY BOOK? AAH, I LOVEEE YOUU

Relief washes over me as I watch Harry's eyes flying open, his body suddenly goes tense and I feel his jaw clenching under my touch. His eyes are blood shot red and he blinks them a number of times before they finally focus on to me.

I feel my tears trickling down my cheeks as I take in his broken state. Even though he's drunk, there's pain and sorrow written all over his face and I feel like it's because of me.  He's in this state because of me.

It never would've happened if had just accepted my fate in the very start. I could've learned to somehow live with him, I could've told him the truth when he was mentally stable enough to accept it but no, I did the exact opposite. I retaliated, I fought, I ran away and this is where it brought me. To the point where I hate myself for him being this hurt.

"I'm.. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything, I swear." I start when Harry stays completely silently even after the passage of a few minutes.

"I've been a selfish bitch this entire time and I'm sorry. I'll do anything to take it all back." I ramble on, watching Harry closely for some sort of change in expressions or for him to respond in any other way.

"Say something please." I say, desperation clear in my voice as I talk, both of my thumbs grazing over his cheekbone.

When Harry still says nothing, I look up towards Selvia helplessly, only to find her cupping her mouth with one hand as she tries to hold her sobs in. Her eyes fixated on something on the ground.

Curiously, I follow her gaze and a gasp escapes my mouth when it falls onto Harry's bloody wrist. The cut he inflicted on himself must be much more deeper than I had assumed since the fresh blood is still pouring out of the wound.

"Oh my god." I whisper, hand falling away from Harry's face as I bring it closer to his injured wrist.

With a little hesitation, I press my fingers against the cut on the skin causing Harry to flinch and I immediately let go, eyes snapping up towards his face.

"I'm.. I'm sorry." I rush out as Harry frowns, moving his arm away from my reach. "Does it hurt really bad?"

Harry watches me quietly for a minute, his mouth opens once before he closes it again and just shakes his head in response before a small smile finds it's ways on his lips but the eyes tell another story, making it very obvious that he's faking the smile.

"Remember when I told you that I'm very generous when it comes to forgiving the people I love?" Harry slurs and I give him a confused look before nodding my head, realizing that he's trying to make me remember something from the past.

"I meant it." He whispers and I feel a lump starting to form in my throat, not sure of how to reply to his words.

What am I supposed to say anyway?  I can't tell him shit and make his condition even more worse. I can't be so cruel.

"I love you." Harry murmurs, his hand coming up to my face to wipe the tears away and I let out a sob, closing my eyes tightly to prevent the tears from falling.

I feel something extremely irritating, something that can't really be explained in words. It's not pain or hurt or sorrow, it's something more, a weird feeling can't I can not really decipher and It's making me want to cry.

Harry's bumps his nose against mine lightly, causing my eyes to fly open again. A little shriek escaping my mouth to see him this close. I hold my breath in anticipation, waiting for his lips to connect with mine but it never happens, instead Harry moves away and wraps both of his arms around me, bringing me flush against himself.

"I love you, alright?" He says again and I find myself nodding my head in response, letting out a breath and closing my eyes, feeling somewhat relieved at his words.

"I love you." The words slip out of my mouth without realization but I decide to not think much about them, knowing that it will only add to the complicated situation we're in.

A few minutes pass before the thought of Selvia standing there crosses my mind and I quickly wiggle out of Harry's grasp, looking up at her with flushed cheeks, only to find her smiling down at us.

"Let's go to the room, get your wound clean." I tell Harry, standing up onto my feet and bringing my hand out for him to grab.

Harry stares at my extended hand for a few seconds before he finally takes a hold of it and stands up, almost causing me to fall down in the process.

With a little effort, I manage to put one of Harry's arm over my shoulders while wrapping my own arm around his waist to support him in walking.

"You sure you can handle this man by yourself... Stella?" Selvia asks me with a hint of smile and I nod at her, mouthing her a thank you.

Harry turns towards Selvia and plants a kiss on her forehead clumsily causing her smile to widen and her eyes to light up at his affection. My own heart warms at the sweet gesture, it's the small things like this one that makes me fall a little more for Harry every time.

With a little struggle, I manage to bring Harry into the room I've been living in for quite some time. Dropping him onto the bed, I make my way to the bathroom and rummage through the cabinets and drawers in search of first aid kit.

When I come back into the room, I find Harry sitting on the bed with something in his hands, his attention fully on drawn to the thing. Curiously, I take a few steps closer to his sitting figure, making sure to keep as quite as possible.

Harry's back to me as I approach him, my dropping open when I find out what's he's been staring at. To my surprise, it's the dress I was wearing earlier tonight at the party. Harry's fingers are gently gliding over the soft material over and over again before he brings it to his nose and inhale deeply.

I decide to ignore his actions though, not thinking much about them since he's still drunk and is out of his senses.

Clearing my throat, I make my presence known before I walk over to face it. Harry doesn't seem fazed by my sudden appearance though. He just looks up at me for a second, a hint of smile crossing his lips so he do so before he turns his attention back to the dress in his grasp.

"Uh.. Harry, your wrist, let me see." I say, dropping onto my knees in front of him and opening the first aid kit.

I decide not to make much eye contact with him, to prevent any kind of awkwardness to seep into the already fucked up situation.

"Harry." I say again when he doesn't comply to my request. When he still stays still, I huff and take it upon myself to do everything. From the last time Harry was drunk, I have learned an important lesson. That is, Harry is a stubborn drunk.

As soon as I reach for his hand, Harry pulls it away instantly, smiling to himself.

"Don't be so difficult, Harry. Please." I say, annoyance seeping into my tone as I reach forward again in an attempt to take a hold of his injured wrist.

Harry however dodges my touch and I puff out a breath, falling back onto the ground and crossing my hands across my chest, glaring at him all the while.

The colour ful words are begging to escape my mouth but I bite my tongue and hold them in.

"Sit here." I hear Harry saying after a few moments of silence and my gaze follow his hand patting the bed beside him.

"No, thank you Harry!" I snap at him, standing up from my place on the wooden floor and taking the first aid kit along. "If you want yourself to fucking bleed and get an infection then so be it." I tell him, shaking my head all the while.

I angrily slam the kit down onto the bedside table, wincing at the loud noise.

Closing my eyes, I breathe in deeply to calm myself down a little bit, not wanting to cause anymore drama. Harry's drunk and he's just gotten back here and I don't need him running away again or doing something horrible to himself or me.

"Please, let's get it bandaged and then you can do whatever you want. I promise I won't bother you or object." I finally say, taking the spot on the bed beside him.

Harry stays silent for a while and I silently pray that no he will say yes to my offer, it's a win win for him after all.

"Will you... Will you let me make love to you, if I do it?" Harry says, his voice holding innocence unlike the words that come out of his mouth.

At this point, I'm not sure how to reply, it's like I've run out of words all the sudden. Both of us stare at eachother for a while before Harry sighs and looks down.

"Fine, I'll just hold you then?" He tries again and I immediately smile at his words, nodding my head as I grab the first aid kit and get to work.

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