Made by my lovely babe MSDoOD

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This chapter is dedicated to me cause i'm awesome. 😂😂

Happy Eid to all my muslim readers. 💗💗

I stand in front of the large window, watching the rain pouring heavily from the dark clouds. The sound of thunder makes me jump in my place and my gaze travels towards the wall clock worriedly. 

Dialing Harry's number on my phone I bring it to my ear, closing my eyes and breathing in deeply as I wait for him to answer the call. However, like past three times it goes to his voice message. 

With an annoyed sigh, I push myself away from the window and start pacing back and forth. The sound of thunder makes me jump again and I curse under my breath, feeling my anger grow with every passing minute.

I am mad at Harry, scratch that, I'm furious. Despite my protest that the weather is bad today and it is not save for him and Sarah to go out, he snuck out of the house when I was taking a bath. Now it has been two hours and both, father and daugther are untraceable.

Worry continues to eat me alive as another fifteen minutes pass, after dialing Harry's number another time, I throw the phone on the couch, mumbling out curses at the bad weather and Harry's stubborn behaviour.

The sound of door bell echoes through the house after the passage of another half an hour and I feel my tense posture relaxing a little but at the same time, I feel my anger building up more.

Hurriedly, I rush towards the door and open it wide, watching with narrowed eyes as Sarah tumbles in first, holding a box bigger than herself in her arms and then Harry, whose got his phone in his hand, his eyebrows raised as if he's just seeing my missed calls. 

"Care to explain where you two have been?" I ask angrily, once the door is closed and secured by the lock. 

Sarah pays no attention to my question, intead she tries to pick up the large pink box which is now lying on the floor. 

"Now, you look at your mother when she is talking, young lady." I exclaim, crossing my arms across my chest as I stare at my spoiled daugther. When she doesn't look up, I roll my eyes and groan, "Sarah!"

This seems to grab her attention and she quickly straightens up, staring at me with a frown before looking behind me at Harry, probably waiting for him to intervene, be his knight in shining armour and save her from me.
"Oh no, your dad will not save you this time. He's as guilty as you." I say, looking over my shoulder at Harry whose shrugging off his jacket before turning my attention back to the girl. "Now tell me why you went outside without your mummy's permission, Sarah?"

"I wanted doll house." She states, looking down at the box before her and tries to pick it up again.

"This is why you two went out?" This time, my question is directed towards Harry whose rushing past me to help Sarah pick up the newly bought doll house.

"Seriously, Harry?" I shout in frustation, my hands dramatically flailing in the air. "I'd been worried sick and this is what you were doing? Buying a fucking doll house?"

"Language, babe." Harry says with an amused smile, mumbling something in Sarah's ear to which she nods and then continues to slowly make her way towards her room, dragging the doll house behind her.

I watch her until she reaches her room just to ensure she doesn't trip or fall whilst dragging a box bigger than herself. When Sarah disappears into her room I turn my attention back to Harry whose now standing right in front of me, a smile still present on his lips.

"Care to explain what's so amusing, Harry? Is it my face?" I ask in an annoyed tone and at this, his lips only stretch only wider before he takes another step closer and tries to envelope me in a hug.

Taking a step back, I shake my head at him, aware of the fact that as soon as i'll be in his arms, all my anger will melt away. He has that kind of effect on me.

"Come on, now. I've a flight tomorrow early morning, we don't have enough time to fight. It's either you stay upset or let me make up for the past month." 

At that he has my full attention, my anger dessipates and disappointment takes it's place immediately. Without a moment of hesitation I close the distance between us, wrapping my arms around his neck and resting my head against his chest. 

"Already?" I murmur into his chest as his arms come to rest on my back, slowly rubbing up and down. "You just got here." 

My whining makes Harry chuckle and I feel his lips pressing against my forehead, peppering it with light kisses.

"My offer's still intact, you two can come with me back home." Harry tells me and I sigh. 

It's been almost a month and a half since Harry and I got back together though half of the time we weren't really together. After a lot of thinking and persuassion, Harry had finally agreed to let me stay in Australia until I finish university. Though it wasn't so simple, obviously Harry had his terms and conditions which included having a home in the safest part of the town along with me quitting the job.

"I can't. I've got to get my degree remember?" I ask, looking up at him through my eyelash and Harry narrows his eyes playfully.

A squeal escapes my mouth when out of now where i'm swept off my feet and cradled in Harry's arms bridal style.

"Guess we've got alot of making up to do then." He mutters and feel my cheeks going red when Harry swats my ass lightly.

"Do not forget i am still mad at you for disappearing like that. Your shit is making me age faster." 

"I don't mind older women, seriously." Harry says with a shrug, dropping me onto the king sized bed before climbing on top of me.

I feel his lips pressing agaist my throat but i'm too distracted to pay attention. Harry's words linger in my mind. Older women. Stella. Of course he's into older women.

"Babe." I hear Harry say, snapping out of my thoughts, I look up and find him no longer on top of me instead, he's sitting up next to my feet, staring at me worriedly. "Did you hear what I just said?"

Frowning, I try to remember what he'd said but nothing comes to my mind so I just shrug, pushing myself up into a sitting position. 

"I asked if you wanted to top." Harry states hesitantly, shuffling closer until our kness touch.

"Top what?" I ask him quickly, trying not to appear distracted before it dawns on me what he's talking about and I squeeze my eyes shut, cursing at myself.

"Hey, are you alright?" Harry asks me, his hand coming up to rest against my cheek affectionately.

At his question, I huff out a breath and shrug. How am I supposed to bring up his dead girlfriend who also happens to be the love of his life? The thought of Harry always loving her more than he will ever love me still nags me. Though i wear the ring of his name on my finger, I am still unsure wheter he will be able to love me like he loved her. I am after all just her replacement.

"Laura." My name escapes his mouth in a whisper and I squeeze my eyes shut, remembering all those time he'd punish me for telling him my real name.

"Hey, listen to me. Look at me." Harry says, his arms wrap around my body and despite of my struggle he manages to make me sit in his lap. 

His chest to my back and his arms firmly enclosing me, pressing me close to his warm body. His head rests in the crook of my neck where his moistened lips rest against my skin.

"I know what's on your mind." Harry mutters once I stop struggling in his hold and sag against him. However, as soon as his words register, I feel myself tensing up again. "I've thought about it all too, many nights. I've been restless for longer than you can imagine." 

"The night you left..." Harry inhales sharply,  burrowing his head more into my neck as if trying to find shelter there.

 "That night I didn't sleep. My mind and heart were at conflict. I'd told you that I love you, I said it because I meant it. But my brain, it didn't agree. It was like there were two very different people in my head." 
Harry pauses again and I place my hand on top of his, an act strong enough to let him know that I am here for him.

"It was painful and they'd forced me to take sleeping pills. Three, i'd taken three pills but they didn't really work. I was still very much concious, it was like a state between being awake and asleep. That night, it was the second time I saw her in my dream."

I know what he means by her, "Stella." I say in a whisper and the nod of his confirms I'm right.

"She was so real, I swear. Like, I could see her. I tried to touch her but she moved away."  

I feel uncomfortable at the mention of Harry wanting to touch her. Even though it was just a dream, I still don't like the idea of him wanting her close.

"I'm not the one for you, Harry. You've already found the one whose meant to be with you." Harry says and a moment passes as I stare at the wall in front of me, confused at his words. "That's what she said to me. The exact words, I swear. Sometime when I think of her, these words ring through my ears. It's like she's always there, reminding me to move on."

The words shock me and I sit there holding my breath, processing Harry's words in my head. Sometimes when I think of her. She's always there, reminding me to move on.

"You're still in love with her, aren't you?" My words come out breathlessly and I sit completely still, posture tense as I wait for the answer.

I swallow hard when all I get in response is a shaky intake of breath and Harry's arms tighten further around me. 

"More than me. You still love her more than me." I say, my eyes filling up with unshed tears, throat burning as the urge to cry takes over me.

"I love you." Harry mutters when I try to peel his arms from around me. 

I shake my head at his words, getting out of his hold and quickly standing up. 

Love me? No, i'm his second choice. A substitute. Nothing more, nothing less.

Harry is quicky on his feet as well and all too soon he tries to get hold of my hand, only to get dodged at the last second.

"Listen to me, Laura." 

"Are you with me because of that stupid dream of yours. You're doing this because she told you to?" 

Harry looks appaled at my accusation, his eyes become wide and his mouth hangs open. Once again silence envelops us as we both stare into each others eyes. 

"Okay. Thanks for clearing this up."  I state, breaking the eye contact, swiftly turning around I make my way towards the dressing table, taking my car keys.

"You're over reacting." Harry sounds calm and collected, the total opposite of how I'm feeling.

Sensing him close the distance between us, I quickly gather my wallet before walking towards the door.

"Where are you going? Roads aren't the safest at the moment." 

"As if you care." The words sound bitter as they leave my mouth and I hear Harry mumbling something under his breath. "Sarah. Sarah!"

When I get no answer, I rush towards her room and find her asleep on the bed, the teddy bear Harry had brought for her clutched tightly to her chest.

"What's gotten into you. Let her sleep." Harry hisses, grabbing both of my arms tightly when I am about to pick up my daugther.

"Let go, Harry. She's my daughter, not yours. I'll do what I want." I am hauled back from the bed and soon Harry drags me out of the room, closely the door behind her soundlessy before turning his attention back to me.

"You're my fiancee, that makes her my daughter." I can see the way his posture is tense, eyes shining with anger as he keeps me pressed against the wall. "Stop acting like a child and listen for God's sake." 

"I spent a year in rehab. A whole fucking year. I had alot of time to think, to go over everything. There was so much to handle all at once but every night, before I falling asleep. You were the last person i'd think of. You as in the girl I had forcefully held captive." 

Despite of my reluctance, i find myself listening to every word that he says and slowly, my struggle to escape his hold ends.

"Your words used to echo in my head. The words you'd said on the last day. I am not going to lie to you cause I love you." Harry inhales, pressing his forehead against mine before he speaks up again, "Yes, I still love her. It's almost impossible not to. She was snatched from me in the most brutal way possible and to this day, I still wonder how perfect our life together would have been otherwise."

"I'm only human, Laura. I can't force myself to forget about her." I gulp the lump in my throat at his confession, my tears freely flowing out of my eyes. "But I love you too. Not because you look like her but because of who you are. Because of everything you've done for me."

Harry's hand comes to rest on my cheek as he stares into my tears filled eyes, "You looked after me when i was at my worse. You lost everything because of me and yet you didn't give up on me."

Moving his face closer so that our lips brush against each other, Harry closes his eyes, breathing in.

"You are the reason that my heart is still beating. I would've died without your love." Involuntarily, my free hand comes to rest on his chest, just where his heart lie, thumping loudly.

"I can't change the fact that I still love her. Maybe with time she'll fade away but I can not promise. The only thing I can promise you is that if you accept me the way I am, i'll try my best to make you happy. I'll love you with everything I have, heart and soul."

Slowly, almost reluctanly, Harry steps back, letting his hands fall uselessly on his sides. My hand which once rested on his chest, slides off as Harry gives me my own space.

"If you can't accept me like this, I won't force you. You've already been through so much because of me and I am not a brute. If you choose to leave, I won't come after you. You deserve happiness and if your happiness lies in me stay away from you, I will."

With that being said, Harry walks away. I watch as he retreats back to our room, not looking back once. He leaves the door of the room ajar, a silent invitation for me to join him.

The sound of thunder echos through the house and then I hear Sarah calling out for me. Quickly wiping away the evidences of my crying, I enter her room and flick on the lamp.

"It's just thunder, bubba." I say, climbing onto the bed next to her and kissing her forehead as she cuddles me, holding my hand tightly.

I stare absent mindly and the wall, my head jumbled up with so many thoughts.

"Mom." Sarah whispers and I look down at her gazing at me with eyelids half open. "Where's daddy?"

"He's resting in his room." I tell her, smiling lightly as she closes her eyes again. "He's got to go to work tomorrow."

"We go with him?" Sarah asks and I shake my head. "But he promised."

"Hush, he's not going anywhere. Sleep." I tell her, not in mood of hearing her whine about Harry leaving.

Once Sarah falls asleep I find my thoughts drifting back to Harry again. Thinking about everything he'd said. Tears well up in my eyes as it occours to me that I'd acted irrationaly.

Anyone in his place would be the same. How can you unlove someone you've loved so deeply? It is not easy to move on after losing what means the most to you. 

How can I blame him for using me as a substitute? He never asked me to fall in love with me, I fell for him myself even though I was aware of the fact that he will never be mine alone.

Yet despite of all my harsh and cruel words, he did not lash out though he had every right to. What else could he do to prove that he loves me?

He gave me the truth today, opened up to me and what did I do in return? Instead of comforting him, I pushed him away, like he's betrayed me.

My heart constricts at the thought and almost instanly I slip out of bed and tip toe towards my room.

Peeking in through the ajar door, I find Harry lying down on the bed, a pillow resting on his face. The room darkness and the only thing illuminating it is the light from outside.

With my bottom lip quivering, I climb onto the bed and lie down next to Harry, pressing myself close to his body. As soon as my arm rounds his waist, Harry jumps up startled.

"It's me." I say squeakily and feel him relax, a sigh leaves his mouth before he lays down and pulls me on top of him.

"I love you, Harry. I'm so sorry." I voice tears up and I feel Harry's lips on my temple.

"Let's sleep." He orders and I nod, moving up a little to catch his lips for a short kiss.

"I love you." I hear him murmur as I relax into his body, submitting myself to sleep.

Any comments?

Has my writing style improved since the last time i updated?

Next chapter will be about Josh so you all better keep an eye out. Haha.