Chapter Forty-Five
Unsurprisingly, Abe was not happy at Anna's decision to accompany Freda to see Ernst.
It did herald a rare phenomenon though; Hans and Abe were in complete agreement that she should have said no. But resolute as always, there was no stopping her.
Helga and Maria would watch baby Caleb, Hollywood and Sam there for any support they might need. Anna was happy in the knowledge that her child was safe, even if the thought of being apart from him was eating away at her. Abe insisted on coming along with her and Freda, and neither was inclined to stop him.
Anna was shocked that Abe said nothing when Hans asked to tag along too.
"He just wants to make sure you're safe I guess," was Abe's response, accompanied by a slight shrug. Daniel had helped arranged the meeting, so he escorted them to the prison.
As they arrived, they were made to wait in a reception area. Abe kept his arm around her waist, Anna glancing at his expression. His brow was heavily furrowed, his breathing deep and slow. He was trying to hold in his anger. Anna reached up and pecked his cheek lightly. He said nothing but shot her a small smile.
Anna couldn't help but marvel in glee at the dank and dingy interior. Ernst deserved far worse than this, but it was enough that she was sure it would have beaten him down. The moment she saw Freda's face though, her entire demeanour changed. She could see how distraught the poor girl was. As the guards on the desk filled out the relevant paper work with Daniel, Anna slipped her hand into Freda's.
"I'm right here with you," she promised, Freda squeezing back gratefully.
"I'm scared of feeling sorry for him," mumbled Freda, Abe glancing at them curiously. He couldn't fully understand what they were saying.
But Hans could. He wandered closer, Freda looking up at him. "You know it's all right to feel that way," assured Hans. "He is your father."
"That fact doesn't mean he hasn't done so many vile things," replied Freda. "Any way, why are you vouching for him? You hate him..."
"It's not for him," said Hans calmly, "it's for you. I don't want you to be upset."
Freda seemed surprised. "Thank you," she whispered, Hans giving her a small nod as Daniel turned and called him back to the front desk. "He's such an odd man," sighed Freda, looking at Anna. "Hans, I mean."
"I know," replied Anna.
"Still not really sure what you saw in him," continued Freda, Anna now well aware that Abe could understand them.
"A great many things," said Anna honestly, "but I suppose that there was a lot I overlooked."
"Well, you seem to have come to your senses," sighed Freda, glancing at Abe who had a chuffed smile on his face.
Then they heard Hans' voice raise slightly. The three of them wandered closer to the conversation, the Guard looking to them to be the voice of reason.
"What is the matter?" asked Anna.
"Only two of you are allowed in," said the guard, Abe immediately glaring at him. "Frauline Werner, and one chaperone."
"I told you, no!" snapped Hans. "Frauline Werner will want to be accompanied by Frau Coleman. They cannot be alone with that man. Herr Coleman must go too."
Anna was taken aback, and clearly so was Abe.
"One of us can stay with them?" ventured the guard but Hans' gaze hardened.
"If you knew half of the things that that man has done, you wouldn't dream of sending these two young women in alone. Herr Coleman is there to look after them both..."
"It's against protocol..."
"Damn your protocol," cut across Hans. There was a pause as he gained his composure. "This is the last chance this young woman has to say goodbye to her father. She needs the right support. Frau Coleman is that support. But then what about her? She has suffered so much by his hand... she deserves to know that she is well protected."
The guard sighed heavily. "Fine," he grumbled, looking to Anna, Freda and Abe. "Follow me, I'll escort the three of you down."
"Thank you Hans," said Anna, reaching out and touching his arm.
"Yes," seconded Abe, "thank you." Hans said nothing else, simply nodding, and watching them leave from beside Daniel.
Anna kept Freda's hand firmly tucked in hers as she and Abe followed the guard through a small door. Abe had his hand on Anna's back, his thumb stroking it reassuringly. They were led passed all of the cells to a small interview room, with no windows and one small light dangling over the table in the centre. Freda sucked in a deep breath, Anna squeezing her hand.
"Please wait here," said the guard. "We shall go and get him."
Freda nodded, resting her hands on the back of the chair as the guard disappeared. Anna's arm wound around her shoulders, rubbing her arm in support.
"Thank you for coming," mumbled Freda.
"Of course," replied Anna, but Abe could tell that his wife was nervous. The words stuck in her throat when she was apprehensive about something. When they heard footsteps come their way, Freda looked up, Anna giving her shoulders a final squeeze.
Ernst was brought into the room, his eyes widening at the sight of the three of them. In the end, they came to rest on Freda.
"Freda," he managed, making to pull towards her, but the guard held him back.
"It's all right," assured Anna. "Please, give them a moment."
He looked to Abe, who nodded. Sighing, the guard walked out, leaving Ernst handcuffed still.
The room was filled with a strange quiet, Anna wishing she could retreat into Abe's embrace. She wasn't really sure why. She wasn't scared... that wasn't it. Yet there was something making her want to leave. Something she couldn't put her finger on. But she wouldn't leave Freda; not this time.
"You came," Ernst said, breaking the silence. Freda sniffed, her clammy hand in Anna's again.
"Of course I came," Freda mumbled. Another strange silence, Ernst not daring to look at Anna.
"You're so grown up," he continued. "Such a young woman now."
"Yes... well, I had to grow up pretty fast."
Ernst winced as she said that, his head hanging in shame. "Did the boys not come with you?" he ventured. Freda shook her head, Ernst nodding a little in response. "I'm glad you're here."
Unable to stop herself, Freda surged forward out of Anna's grasp and wrapped her arms around her father. He moved his arms to engulf her, hugging her as tight as he could.
Anna felt tears prick her eyes. Now she knew why she had wanted to run. This was just like the day Freda had left the camp all those years ago. She hated to see her pain. She also knew exactly how much this would be cutting Ernst to his core. She wanted to find some justice in it, but she couldn't in this moment. Abe seemed to sense her turmoil, and wrapped his arm around her waist, Anna leaning into him to remind herself that she was safe.
"Did you get my letter?"
"Yes, that's why I came."
"I meant every word, my darling."
"I know you did," she returned. "I wanted you to know that I love you too."
"Do you forgive me?" he asked.
Freda fell silent again, Anna's breath caught in her throat.
"I'm sorry I have to leave you Freda," Ernst whispered, Freda's tears audible. "You know I would never leave you if I didn't have to, don't you?"
"Yes," said Freda, stepping back now to look at him. "But you're leaving for a good reason." Ernst's brow furrowed, Freda taking a deep breath. "You're not just my father... you're the man that did all of those awful things..."
"Freda..."
"I came here to say goodbye to the father that loved me, and I loved in return. When I leave this room, then so does that man." Ernst's head hung low again, his eyes screwed shut. He knew she was right. She hugged him again, Ernst breathing in her smell. "I wish you had just been that man the whole time," sobbed Freda. "I miss those days with you and Anna and the boys."
"As do I," mumbled Ernst, his eyes now flicking up to Anna who stared back at him.
"I'll miss you," said Freda, stepping out of his grasp fully.
"Freda, please don't leave just yet," begged Ernst.
"I can't stay here any longer," she whispered, retreating towards Anna. "If I do, then all I'll see is the man you really were, and I don't want to remember you that way."
"That's not me, Freda," he insisted.
"Goodbye, Daddy," she whispered, making a dash for the door.
"Freda, please," he said making to go after her.
Anna stepped in between them.
He recoiled from her, terrified to touch her as Freda made her escape and dashed down the hall.
"Let's go," mumbled Anna to Abe, but Ernst cut across.
"Wait," he pleaded, reaching out to her now, but Abe grabbed his arm, his grip tight.
"Why?" asked Anna, her voice smooth yet firm.
"I just..." began Ernst, but Abe squeezed and twisted, halting his words.
Anna's eyes scanned Ernst. He was pathetic; there was no horror left in this broken man.
"Abe, please go and check on Freda," said Anna. "I will only be a moment."
Abe found the idea abhorrent, Anna glancing up at him. Her fingers brushed against his hand holding Ernst's wrist, as if to encourage him, Abe sighing deeply. He let Ernst go, watching as he stumbled away, leaning against the wall, clearly worn through.
"Touch her," warned Abe, Ernst taken aback by the address, "and I will break your neck."
Ernst didn't reply, his eyes simply moving over Abe's large frame. Anna nodded to Abe as he left, the door thudding shut.
Silence engulfed the two of them, both of them staring at one another. This felt different to Keller. She didn't have the same burning questions for Ernst. She truly only came here for Freda. There was nothing unspoken between her and Ernst. At least not on her part.
"Should we sit down?" asked Anna, Ernst nodding. She wandered back to the opposite side of the table, Ernst slumping down as she too, took her seat. Ernst let his eyes pour over her, taking her in properly after all the years that had passed. His brow furrowed.
"You look smaller than in court?" he managed, Anna sitting up straighter.
"I had my baby just after I gave my testimony," she explained. There was a small silence.
"Was it..." began Ernst.
"A perfectly healthy baby boy," interrupted Anna. She glared at him, her gaze hard and piercing. He looked away.
"You and your husband must be thrilled."
"We are, thank you," replied Anna curtly.
He finally looked up at her, their eyes locked. "Can't say that he's what I imagined your husband to look like," he murmured. "He's nothing like your usual type."
"And tell me," laughed Anna bitterly, "what is my usual type?"
"Someone refined... well educated... someone like me."
Anna scoffed, looking away for a moment before she refocused on him.
"Are you truly going to deny what we had..."
"Mathias was right all along," she said finally. "You really are a fool."
He looked at her almost pleadingly. "I know you had to say all those things in court... what with everyone watching..."
"I said those things because I meant them, Ernst," she snapped, her voice cutting through the strange, still air. "I truly hate you. The same way I hated Mathias." There was another pause. "That's a lie. I hate you more than I ever hated him."
Ernst looked like he was about to be sick. "You don't mean that."
"I do. Mathias at least understood me. He knew exactly who I was and wanted me all the same. I never had to live in a lie with him." She leant forward, letting her tongue run wild with the hurt she had kept buried for so long. "Every moment with you was torture. I got no reprieve from your constant whining and neediness. It was pathetic." She shivered. "My hatred for you borders true disgust. The thought of your body on top of mine sickens me to my very core."
"Anna, stop."
"You beady little eyes looking up at me like you needed me, like I would save you, even when you had killed my daughter. I didn't think even you could sink so low and yet you did." She smiled. "I am glad you are going to be dead soon," she continued, her voice soft and her gaze hard. "I am glad that the nightmare of you will finally be over." He shifted in his seat, trying to keep his head held high. Anna just watched him, unaffected by his sorrow.
"Did you get my letter?" he asked.
"Yes."
"Did you read it?"
"No," she said, Ernst sucking in a breath. "I burned it."
"You're a truly evil woman," he whispered.
"Well if anyone is going to know what evil is, it's you," she returned.
"You toyed with us... all of us... my children..."
"I've made my apologies for my lies. The lies were only of my love for you... my love for them was always so truthful. It was the only way I maintained the façade as long as I did. But as you can see, Freda understood. And she forgave me." Anna leaned forward, her mouth practically a snarl. "Can you say the same? Because I didn't hear any forgiveness pass her lips..."
Ernst slammed his fists on the table in frustration, tears in his eyes. "I really thought you loved me," he returned. "You're right... I'm clearly a fool." There was another long pause, Ernst trying to regain his composure. "Is it true that Mathias is dead?"
"Yes," she replied.
"Did he... suffer?" asked Ernst, his words choked.
"Yes," she said again.
"Did he say anything about me before he died?" Anna tried her best to recall.
"Not really," she sighed. "The last things he said about you were that he had known all along how much contempt I had for you the entire time. He was very astute."
"So this is it then," sighed Ernst, tears dribbling down his cheeks. "The sum of my life's work. Sitting in chains across from the woman who promised to love me." Anna let out a huffy, frustrated laugh.
"You should be content that your three children are happy," she replied. "Stop wallowing in self-pity. You put yourself here, Ernst. These chains are of your own making. If there is anything that will bring you comfort, let it be that your children are nothing like you... and that they will go on to lead full lives." Silence fell again, Anna sighing before she got to her feet.
"You're leaving?" he said, his voice panicked.
"There is nothing left to say." He looked up at her, breathing deeply.
"You're not even going to ask why I lied about Lange?" She stared at him, sighing heavily.
"I know why you did that," she replied. "You're just a sadistic pig."
"Anna please..."
"Please what?" she barked, the silence that followed cutting through him. "You've done enough to torment me, Ernst. Why should I listen to you any longer?"
"Do you truly still love my children?"
"Of course."
"Will you watch over them?" he asked, Anna taken aback. "Not for me, but for their sake. They need one good person in their lives." Anna cocked her head to one side.
"I thought I was evil?" she asked.
"You know you aren't," he mumbled, looking at his hands.
Anna's thoughts swirled in her mind. She wanted to hurt him, and say no. But he knew her well enough to know it would be a lie. She would always want to look out for the three children she had come to adore.
"I will look out for them," she returned, Ernst looking up at her again. He had tears in his eyes, sniffing loudly as he tried to blink them away.
"Thank you," he murmured. Anna made to turn and leave again, but she heard his chair scrape as he shot to his feet. "Can I..." he began, his words stunted. "Can I hold you one last time?" Anna was incredulous, unable to respond. "Please," he managed, taking a step towards her so that she took a step back. "Anna, just once..."
"No," she spat, her voice low and threatening. "I will not suffer your hands on me ever again." Without another word, she turned around, and marched out of the door, Ernst listening to her footsteps echoing off the walls as they carried her away for good.
***
Anna was sitting in the lobby as the boys settled the bill. Maria was beside her, Caleb in her arms. Charles had had to get back, but Maria had stayed behind with them for a while, just like Helga and Freda, though they had left yesterday. They were all together the day that Ernst was executed. They didn't go, of course. Freda couldn't stand it, and although both of them wanted him gone, neither Maria nor Anna wanted to see it happen. There was a great sense of relief when the clock had ticked passed midday and they all knew it was done. He'd got what he deserved; he had nothing over any of them any longer.
The goodbye to Freda and Helga had been tough. They promised to write and send photographs. But this was the end of their journey. As it would be when Anna finally said goodbye to Maria... and to Hans. He had also remained behind after Klara and Daniel had returned to England. He kept his distance, only coming to see Anna when she reached out to him. Abe seemed to have softened to him after the birth and was very gracious when he and Anna were together. Anna knew how lucky she was to have him as her husband and spent much of the time telling him so. But now, the day had finally come for Anna and the boys to return to America. Maria was about to leave to catch her train home. As with Freda and Helga, she promised to write. When Maria glanced up at the clock and realised it was time, she let out a big sigh.
"I don't know who I shall miss more," Maria admitted. "You, or this little treasure right here."
"I thought you didn't like children?" smiled Anna.
"Not usually," laughed Maria, handing Caleb back to his Mother, "but he's different." They both got to their feet, Maria enclosing the pair in a tight squeeze. "I am so happy for you, my darling."
"As I am for you," breathed Anna, drawing back to look at her. This didn't feel the same as it had before. It hadn't with Freda either. No matter how difficult it was, Anna knew they were safe and happy. They were with people that loved and cared for them. This was not the goodbye she was most dreading. "Perhaps we will save up and holiday in Germany."
"Then stay with us if you do!" said Maria. "I still need to meet Elli!"
"And if you ever want to come to America..."
"Then you will be the first to know," promised Maria. They hugged a final time, both of them with happy tears in their eyes. Bidding each other a final goodbye, Maria darted for the Americans as Anna soothed a grumbling Caleb. She watched as Maria tugged Abe into a hug, giving him a squeeze before she left.
Abe wandered over to her, Anna sitting back down and dabbing her eyes as he sat beside her.
"Y'all right baby?" he asked, Anna nodding with a sniff. "I know how much you hate goodbyes."
"I suppose I'm getting used to them," she sighed. There was a pause.
"It's nearly time," said Abe gently. "Any sign of him yet?" Anna shook her head. "Let's go and pack up the car. Sam's just gone to get it." Anna nodded, Abe kissing her forehead and helping her up. He arm around her waist and the other gripping the bags, they ventured out into the sun shine. The car was parked on the street, Hollywood loading his and Sam's bags into the trunk.
"Finally gonna introduce the little feller to America!" said Hollywood, Anna smiling. "Y'all excited to get home?"
"Absolutely," said Anna. "It will be nice to get back to some peace and quiet!"
"With Ma?" said Abe. "Y'sure?" Anna giggled as Sam stuck his head out of the window.
"Want some help with the bags?" he called, Hollywood shooting him a look.
"I can help them!" he bit back, Sam holding up his hands in mock surrender. Then Anna glanced up. Hans was walking over from across the street. Her heart felt heavy again, her breathing slowing as if to combat the emotion swelling in her chest. Abe noticed, clearing his throat.
"Pass me Caleb," he said, holding his arms out. "Then go make your goodbyes."
"Are you sure?" she said gently, letting him hold Caleb close.
"Course I am, baby," he murmured, a small smile on his face.
"I'll only be a moment," she promised, kissing him on the cheek and darting over the road.
Hans was smiling at her as she reached him, Anna trying to return it, but she could already feel tears running down her cheeks.
"I wondered where you were," she admitted, Hans taking in a long breath.
"I didn't want to interrupt you and Maria," he said gently.
"That's very kind of you." There was a pause. "When do you leave?"
"Tomorrow. It gives me time to collect myself." He couldn't help but smile as he continued. "Your presence always has had such a profound effect on me." Anna grinned, both of them managing a small laugh. They were simply delaying the inevitable. "How is little Caleb?"
"Wonderful," she said wistfully. "Though, I feel like he will be a terror on the plane..."
"Lucky that it's just the five of you then," said Hans, Anna nodding in agreement.
They stood, taking the other person in. Was she ever going to see him again? She didn't know. She supposed not. This was so much harder than saying goodbye to Maria or Freda. Hans was alone. He had Klara... but it wasn't the same.
"Were Klara and Daniel all right?" she asked. "I never got to thank them for everything they did..."
"They're fine," he assured her. "Klara is just eager to get back to Kai... and she's concerned that he hasn't been looking after Persephone properly..."
"Persephone?"
"My cat," Hans said sheepishly. Anna smiled, revelling at the warmth in Hans' eyes. "I found her in the Spring, and I just..." He paused. "I just think of that name fondly."
"I did tell you that myth so many times," she murmured.
"And I loved it," he promised. There was a pause. "I really miss that," he admitted. "You telling me stories..."
Anna bowed her head, avoiding his gaze. She didn't know how to respond to him. She missed it too, but she knew it was in a different way to him. He watched her, seeing the realisation dawn on her face.
The moment had come.
"This is not goodbye," he vowed, as if reading her thoughts. She sniffed, touching her hand to her cheek to catch the tears as he closed the distance between them.
"Is it not?" she managed, Hans rubbing her arm soothingly.
"No," he said softly. "I don't want to lose you again."
"Nor I you," she whispered.
He dug in his pocket, pulling out an envelope. "This is my address," he said, placing it in her hand. She clutched it to her chest, her tears growing heavier. "Write to me as often as you can."
"I will," she said. "I promise."
They fell silent again, Hans drawing her a little closer. He was trying his best to remain strong, but he simply couldn't let her go. He knew this was the best outcome he could have hoped for. She still cared for him; she still wanted him in her life. But they were going to be across the world from one another. Would he ever be able to hold her hand again?
"I don't know how to do this..." she said in barely a whisper, Hans now choking back tears.
"Do what?" he asked.
"Hug you for the last time," she managed. He took in a sharp breath, Anna watching him through teary eyes as he looked away for a moment.
"Then let's make a vow, that this isn't the last time," he said, cupping her face in his hand. "Let's promise that we will see each other again. That we will go on living our lives, knowing that this is not our last moment together." He paused. "Because if I thought this was the last time, I don't think I would ever let you go."
"I like that idea," she replied, a small smile flickering in the corners of her mouth. She surged forward, throwing her arms around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her waist, the feel of her against him intoxicating. They stayed like this for a while, both of them filled with a longing for a time long since passed. "Until the next time," she said.
"Until the next time," he agreed. She drew back a little way, kissing him slowly on his cheek. She felt his tears fall against her skin, all too aware what this must be doing to him.
"Take care," she said, now stepping back. "Lead the life you promised me you would."
"And you," he replied.
She squeezed his hand a final time, then walked away, running to her husband across the road.
Hans watched as she retrieved Caleb, Abe helping her into the car. Abe caught his eye, the two men staring at one another. Abe nodded to him, Hans returning it, then he climbed in the car. Anna looked out of the window, her gaze fixed on Hans. He waved, Anna waving too as the car pulled away.
She watched as his figure grew smaller and smaller, happy that this time, she had no regrets hanging over her head as they drove towards home.
Guys, we are so close to the end of the series! Stay tuned for the final chapters and the end of our journey with Anna.
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