"How do I fix this?"

"You apologize", Rania said as she handed the soup to Uncle EJ. He nodded to show his agreement. I sighed.

"How do I apologize..."

"You open your mouth and tell him you were wrong" I stared at him. "Ooh, I know what this is. It's character development. Elena was wrong and she has to admit it," Rania said a smile breaking over her face. I made a face and turned away.

"Is your ego worth this?" he said discretely gesturing towards the dagger. I frowned, he was right. "Go... talk to him"

"Now?"

"Now," they said in unison.

Ten minutes later I stood outside his office door chewing on my lip, not having the courage to knock. Ahsan who was the only one who had decided to accompany coughed to hide his amusement. Flustered, I decided to knock and then go in.

He was sitting at his desk reading a book. He looked up, a furrow between his brows and I swallowed. Here goes nothing.

"Hi" My face burned from embarrassment. He could shoot me down right here, right now and I would dissolve into an embarrassed puddle. His face cleared up and he let out a relieved sigh.

"Hey"

"So..." I said, biting on my lip. His gaze darkened at the gesture. "I got your letter"

"Letter?"

"Letters" I affirmed. He stared at me. He was not making this easy. "And it made me think."

"Uh-huh"

"It made me think that it was wrong of me to not let you have your say" the damn word would not come out of my mouth. "And I think while I may have acted out, it was because of my trust in you" amusement flickered across his face but he still did not say a word. "So what I am trying to say is... that I'm sorry" there. It was out. Thank God. "I judged and listened to one side of the story. I should have let you explain. I should not have let Feroze get into my head. I attacked his wife, he attacked my..." his eyebrow rose up in question and I swallowed the word down.

He had proposed. He had proposed. But I was not supposed to say anything yet. What was I supposed to say? Apology...

"Bottom line is... that I was wrong and that you're sorry"

"What?" he asked confused. I closed my eyes at my stupidity.

"I'm sorry" I amended. He looked at me with a blank expression. Seriously? He was not going to acknowledge what I had said? 

"Okay. So... I'll go now. You can carry on with your reading..."I bent to look at the title "Military strategies in South Asia?" My incredulous tone did it. That's what broke him. His shoulders started to shake. The jerk was laughing at me.

I glared at him as he got up and came around the table towards me. Hesitantly, he placed his hands on my arms and pushed me to sit on top of the desk. I glared at him with my arms crossed.

"That was painful"

"For you or me?" I muttered and he chuckled. That boyish sound had me smiling. "I am sorry... really," I said earnestly, tilting my face to look up to him. His gaze softened and he came closer. Our fingers brushed.

"I know. Thank you for saying that..."

"Thank you for accepting it" or else I had no idea of what I would have done. This was completely new territory for me.

"I should have told you. It was just the hardest period of my life. I had no idea it would come back. When you're in the field..." I winced at his tone and placed my hand on his arm for comfort.

"I'm sorry. Although technically, it's not your fault. We weren't exactly buddies then"

"Hahah semantics. I also had no idea if they were the same guys. I had informants and they had no idea of what was going on here. This was unrelated and new. They did warn me but it came too late" he said, referring to the attack on Ammi Jaan.

"Naila said it was someone from inside the castle and Uncle EJ told me that the camera recordings had been tampered with"

"Who could it be?"

"We're working on that"

"How did you get that information from her?"

"Uh...I have ways" He gave me a skeptical glance. I waggled my eyebrows and he smiled. We stared at each other in silence. "So, the letters were quite, something" I teased. He rubbed the back of his head in an aww shucks way.

"You weren't ready to hear me out," he said looking at the ground. Guilt gnawed at my stomach.

"I liked it... " I said as he started to defend himself. He met my eyes as I bit my lip and nodded. His eyes darkened.

"Well... it doesn't have to stop, but it was a one-way conversation" I giggled. "It could never compare to what we're having now" now it was my turn to blush. "But jokes aside, how is your head? Are you okay?" He asked lacing his fingers through mine.

"Never been better" I answered, feeling my heart to be three sizes too big.

Later that day, Uncle EJ and I went out riding, just so he could enjoy the fresh air. I decked up in my riding gear and headed towards the stables to find Duchess, my beautiful horse. Uncle EJ saddled up his horse, Shadow, and we headed off towards the eastern part of the castle grounds.

"You never asked me about the apology," I said once we slowed down to a trot. I smoothed her mane. She whinnied, moving towards the apple trees.

"I can see it on your face. You've never been this happy"

"I've never been this content" Shadow followed Duchess and soon we were standing still as the two horses nibbled on the grass.

"I'm glad you've found yourself here. Now you won't just pack up your bags and leave"

"I can not. I've fallen in love with this city" He gave me a knowing glance and I flushed. "I, it's not impossible. It needs a little time and attention. A little love"

"Doesn't everything? We need to nurture whatever we hope would grow. Everything that's worth it, takes time and effort"

"Yes. If I am willing to put my time and effort in some foreign place, why can't I put that here? Where I have the resources to do so"  I replied brushing Duchesse's back. I sighed and gazed at the open field and the blue sky. Birds chirped in the distance.

"Exactly. Now, that feeling, my darling comes from the heart. So tell me, does your heart finally belong here?"His question was not surprising. I did have a history of running away and having my feet in two places. But at this point, as a Khanum, I was a leader and I could never think of doing that. I could not do that to all those people who were struggling for a better life. I could not do that to all those people who had placed their faith in me.

I missed my father but I knew he would be happy. We were all together, safe and extremely lucky to have each other. For the first time in five years, we were in one place, fighting for what we believed in.

I remembered the boy who had sold me the maroon bangles, that day in the market. He deserved to go to school and have the chance to become whomever he wanted to be. I was not just fighting for my family, I was fighting for him too. I was fighting for so many of the other kids that were like him and there were so many more people who needed our help and attention. My family had no interest in the politics of the place but other people did. We had nothing to gain and everything to lose.

And Zaroon... I looked at the reins and smiled softly. He was the gift in all of this. The added layer. The unexpected surprise. Someone, I thought I would never find. What more could I want?

"Yes, it does," I said, pulling on the reins to turn Duchess around and go home to my family.