Zaroon,

The fall season is notorious for forgetting and moving on. I keep hoping and moving on. I'm trying new things. I realized something today, the first time, I'd shunned duty and had rebelled out for love. Now I have shunned love and chosen duty. My duty to you.

For a second there I made the mistake of thinking that I could have it all.

Yours,

Elena

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I woke up to the sound of someone banging at my door. Groggy and still half asleep, I shuffled over to the door, yanking it open, waiting for someone to offer a good explanation for waking me up at 6 in the morning.

Rania stared at me, her expression sheepish. Behind her, Ahsan looked ready to bolt. Silently, I moved to let her inside.

"What?" I said banging the door shut.

"Well... there was a scheduling mistake" I waited as she wrung her hands. "You have a lunch interview with a television channel, today"

"Wasn't that next week?" I asked sitting down on the chaise.
"That's where the scheduling issue comes in"
"Oh no! Rania, how could you?"
"I'm sorry, it must have slipped my mind, the dates are getting confusing"
"It's fine. It's okay, we'll just ask them to reschedule"
"Uncle Azhar's getting convicted tomorrow. Do you want to give them that leverage?" ah, that's why we had shifted it to this week.

"You realized this at 6 in the morning?"

"The reminder on my phone went off" she mumbled, hiding her face behind a cushion.

"Well, nothing we can do about it now. What do I have to do?"

The afternoon sun streamed into the room. Sana stood in front of me her eyes taking in the glory of Gulzar Mahal. I watched her face light up with joy as the crew set up the equipment in the mirror room. Both Rania and Ammi Jaan hovered in the back, their faces tense. I stood still as one of the assistants fixed my mic and my makeup artist, Adnan patted the concealer into my skin.

"You have to start taking care of your skin" he muttered, sweeping some powder on my cheeks. I sighed. If only he knew that the dark circles and dullness weren't from the lack of care. The problem was internal.

"Thank you, Adnan..."

"Are you ready? They're all set up" Rania said coming up to me.

I nodded and everyone rushed to their places. I took the seat in front of Sana and gave her a smile. Adnan fixed my hair and hurriedly moved away to stand behind the director, his gaze on the monitor. Sans smiled back, her gaze kind and still a little awestruck. The director cued her in. We had 30 seconds before the show went on the air. Ammi Jaan blew me a kiss and Rania gave me a thumbs up.

"Our guest today is one of the youngest leaders we've had in a long time. Someone who powered through for the youngsters in this country and is rumored to have been the magical serum that boosted the Prime Ministers campaign," a light laugh rippled in the room. I smiled at the introduction. "For her first interview ever, please welcome to the program, Begum Elena Gulzar Khan"

"Just Elena please, we're all colleagues here. Thank you for having me, it's a pleasure." she smiled.

"Let's start with the basics. You're the daughter of the late Gulzar Khan and Begum Noor Jehan and you're the eldest of two children" I nodded. "Your father was beloved not only in this city, but also in the country. What do you think he would have said if he were here today?"

"Ah, I wish he was here today. Although, my sister and my mother have an equally important role in who I am today, we all miss him terribly. Like every daughter, I was my father's princess. If he were here today, I'd like to think that he'd be proud of all of us"

"There have been allegations about your Uncle. Did that faze you or your struggle in any way?"

"No, because I trust my Uncle and I know that these allegations were just allegations. We've always supported due process and as you have seen, my Uncle has been cleared by the courts"

"Shifting to a related subject, politics. It's been an eventful six months. In a shocking move, Gulzar Mahal lept out of the shadows and into the political arena" I laughed at the metaphor.

"That's a nice way to put it" She smiled. "It certainly felt that way. In the past, we've always applied the policy of non-interference in the day to day affairs of the country. In the beginning, we weren't sure how this new step would be received. To be very honest, when we were going through the process none of us expected this kind of outpour of love and support. So, yes, it felt like a leap into the dark and I hope, looking at the current situation, we've stuck the landing"

"Why the change? As you've said, there's always been this conscious choice to not interfere with the day to day affairs of the public. Why now?"

"There are times in history where you look back and wonder at the choices made. Very often, inaction and compliance with the system are the very reasons that cause... injustice. I did not want to see that continue..."

"You're referring to the attack on MPA Murad? That's when the statement was released"

"Yes, and to many other cases that, unfortunately, are a daily occurrence in this country. I've said this to Prime Minister Feroze and we've discussed this several times since he's been elected, injustice is the biggest problem in this country. We have two different systems of justice, one for the rich and one for the poor. The moment this dichotomy ends, there nothing this country can not achieve"

"That's interesting. You seem to be extremely close with the Prime Minister"

"We grew up together. We have a good understanding of the issues that the country faces" I said, recrossing my legs.

"Is it true that he had to convince you? You weren't ready to support him?"

"Haha, yes that is true. We're a democratic state, I couldn't just give him my vote, he had to earn it"

"Many have branded you as the voice of the nation, especially, the voice of all the youngsters in the country. How do you feel about this sentiment?"

"Haha, I don't think I am the voice of the nation Sana. I think the nation has its own voice, something that was demonstrated during the last elections."

"But you will agree that many see you as a symbol of the youth?"

"I have heard this statement, yes, but as I said, I don't agree"

"You mentioned injustice. Do you believe there's a certain level of elitism in the political process? And political dynasties?"

"There is a definite case of elitism in the political process, there's no doubt about it. I would face a host of different problems had I been from a different socioeconomic background or if I had a different last name. The Prime Minister might have had a tougher time getting to where he is. It all comes down to what I've said, we need justice in this country. We have to reform the justice system so this elitist culture can end. As for political dynasties, the people can answer that question better than I can"

"What do you think about this new role carved out by Gulzar Mahal? Why do you think this has been welcomed by the people?"

"That's a good question. I can only speak for myself. I think of myself as a very privileged person in a very advantageous position. Someone once told me..." I took a deep breath, his face flashing in front of my eyes. "That I could do so much more. That I should use my abilities for the good of this country and not for myself. I think Gulzar Mahal has the advantage of having no political stakes. We, just like everyone in this city and province, are stakeholders of this city. Perhaps more than some, as we've been in this city since its inception. Our perspective is reflective of the people of this city, something that many politicians do not convey"

"Is this democratic?" she interrupted.

"Gulzar Mahal is not inherently political. We're concerned citizens just like the ones in the city. We've involved several members and leaders of the city, from various walks of life to come and discuss their problems with the Prime Minister. Living in a democratic state, we have as much of a right to be engaged as anyone else"

"We've only got a few minutes left so as a woman in politics, do you feel there's this constant spotlight on you, what you wear, who you talk to, why you're not married and not on your advocacy and policies?"

"Definitely. Apparently my private life is more interesting than anything else in the world, which is funny because I feel like I don't have a private life" she laughed with me. "But I think, the Prime Minister has to deal with this too. So while it's not equal, no one asks about his marriage or when he's getting married, but I've seen some headlines that have been... questionable to say the least. I'm sure as more women chose to enter this field, we'll break free from the incorrect stereotypes"

"On a lighter note, it's been announced that your sister, Begum Rania, is getting married next year, to Hussein Ghulam" Rania blushed and I smiled widely.

"It's an exciting time for the family and we're all very happy. My mother is over the moon" Ammi Jaan rolled her eyes at my teasing.

"I'm sure. Thank you, Elena, it was a pleasure talking to you. I hope we keep having such interactions in the future"

"Thank you for having me"

Sana turned to the main camera. "Ladies and gentlemen, there you have it. The newly emerging face of the nation. You heard our discussion in regard to politics, social policies and being a woman in politics. That's all for tonight, have a good night" the lights dimmed out as the theme music played to the credits on the screen.

"And we're out" the director yelled. Claps echoed around the room. Both Sana and I got up from our seats.

"That was great. Thank you" I said shaking her hand.

"Thank you, Elena. You were wonderful. I'm so honored" She said still holding on to my hand. I extracted my hand with a light laugh, staring at the chaos, feeling unfulfilled and alone.

The crew members moved around packing everything up quickly. Rania and Ammi Jaan came forward to congratulate me and yet my gaze remained focused on my dead reflection.

My phone buzzed and I picked it up without a second thought.

"I knew you'd be watching"

"You did well." Feroze started to prattle on and I sighed. It was back to the grind.

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