So you've written the next bestseller. Or next Watty winner. Or maybe you've just written something you're particularly fond of. Now you're looking for reviews and exposure. And perhaps you're not looking for someone to just blow smoke up your ass and tell you that everything you do is sunshine and rainbows. Then this is the type of service you are looking for.

Here's the deal, this is an honest review book. I can be snarky and sarcastic, but I'm not here for simply deconstruction. I will try my best to offer ideas for solutions and ways to improve your writing. I also won't judge a book by its cover, so I don't grade based on covers or graphics or any of that stuff. It's not my forte. I try not to pass judgement on things I'm ill equipped for, so poetry and fan-fiction will not be accepted genres. I'm sorry for that. Also, I absolutely loathe anything "X reader", so that will not be accepted either. I'm not sorry for that one.

Everything else is fair game.

This will be the judging criteria for all stories:

Blurb: This usually determines whether someone will actually open up your story to begin with, so it should be arresting without giving away too much. (5 points)

Hook: Something has to happen to get your reader invested, and it has to happen quick. Don't want to be a one chapter wonder, do ya? (5 points)

Grammar: I'm not an English major, but I do read a lot. I won't judge on this too severely, but if there are multiple mistakes every sentence, I may deem the story unreadable and not continue. If I can catch that many mistakes, trust me, others can too. If you fail based on this criteria, you may be eligible to rewrite and apply for another updated review. (10 points)

Characters: The right characters can make even the most mundane things interesting. They must have agency and motivation. And above all, they must be believable. At least in context. (20 points)

Dialogue: This is a hard one to do, but when the dialogue cracks, it can mean the difference between good and great, refreshing or rote. (20 points)

Description: Another difficult thing to pin down, description is a balancing act. Too much and you weigh down the plot. Too little and you end up with white room syndrome. (20 points)

Plot: This one is really ambiguous, and may be dictated by characters or genres. Just be interesting, I don't want to read a re-skinned LoTR or another CW teen romance. And absolutely no glorification of abusive relationships. I'll put that shit down immediately. Believe that. (20 points)

Ways to earn bonus brownie points (5 points each):

Subvert the genre

Show me something new

An unexpected twist

Have an engaging soundtrack

That's 120 possible points! And just because I may be a tad harsh doesn't mean I'm not encouraging. I vote for many pieces I read. Writing something and putting it out to the world is an accomplishment. You should be proud. We all need a little work from time to time. I have only taken my votes back from one story. Ever. And it was one that romanticized an abusive relationship. That being said, I will not unpublish reviews once I have put the work in to finish them. If you don't like the review you get, tough. An application signs your name on the dotted line for a deal with the devil. For better or worse.

I feel the need to add that this is not an editing service. I'm not going to go line-by-line and red-pencil-fuck your work. But I will read the whole story as long as it doesn't break the one previously mentioned rule or has so many grammar errors that it is unreadable.

So, besides the reads, the votes, and the review. What other benefits could your story receive? Read on to the next chapters to find out the grades and rewards, as well as how to apply and how stories will be accepted.