The Summary

Sedgewick Alverdyne, a royal head mage, is losing his magic due to a curse afflicted on him in the heat of battle. As his powers drain, Sedgewick, along with his determined assistant, Feyla, must find out how to break the curse before he is left with nothing.

The Blurb

Take note, because this blurb is pretty much perfect. It gives us the characters and the conflict in a very professional manner. And it doesn't bog the reader down with too much background or give away any plot secrets. I could totally see this being on a book jacket somewhere.

(5/5 points)

The Hook

The author does a good job of character building in their first chapter. Not just that, but the relationships between the main characters are well built. Readers get a very good glimpse into the type of person Sedgewick is, and there are strong motivators for future confrontations. There is no annoying info-dumping, which is a rarity in fantasy novels.

(5/5 points)

Grammar

The grammar and sentence structure in Magic's Minister is very professional for the most part. It's pretty tidy, drives the story forward, and flows well. There are several instances, however, where the tense slips for no reason. Sentences like, "His throat contracted, and he didn't even registered that he'd let go of her hand." This is one of those times where the story is in past tense, but the tense switch from "registered" to "register" is the correct way to write the sentence. English is weird, I know. Anyway, this kind of thing happens every couple chapters or so. My advice is to read the parts out loud and see what sounds right and what doesn't.

(9/10 points)

Characters

There's a terrible dichotomy here, I have to assign points because on one hand I love these characters, and on the other, I hate certain things the author does with them. The characters make a lot of sense, and act in ways that feel natural to who they are. Meaning that there are no obvious out-of-character actions in the novel.

Sedgewick is a grumpy dude with a heart hidden somewhere in his Grinch-like chest. Feyla is his indefatigable assistant who harbors a not-so-secret crush on Sedgewick. The rest of the cast are characters who are annoyed by Sedgewick, are enamored with Feyla, or some combination of the two. Okay, that's a bit hyperbolic, but I can count the characters that don't fall into one of the two categories on a myopic metalshop teacher's hand.

Look, I like the characters. I want Sedgewick to grow up from his gruff ways and appreciate Feyla for what she is. I WANT them to succeed. So that part is right, I am emotionally invested in them. But I'm not 100 percent convinced of the main characters romance. Sedgewick and Feyla feel shoehorned together. I'll touch on different ways this happens in later parts.

My main problem with the characters is that they are supposedly hundreds of years old, but still have the relationship issues of middle-schoolers. I shit you not, they are literally being chased down by malevolent forces when they have the, "So, what are we?" talk. What. The. Fuck. Is this shit Ross and Rachel for Tolkein freaks? Who does that? Characters designed to pander to shippers whilst giving a way to move from plot point A to point B. That's who.

On a side note there is a side character, Hobrin, that I truly enjoyed. He's the low-key gray-area character that I personally like to see in stories. His arc, while short, is interesting and easy to identify with. I like the fact that we get to root for him a bit.

(11/20 points)

Dialogue

Again, the dialogue feels natural to the characters. They all speak the way I would expect them to from our initial encounters with them as a reader. Sedgewick gets some fun barbs in when he gets a chance to demean other characters, and it really helps seal his sense of superiority. Feyla has a catch-phrase about lying that I found endearing. Its use in one of the later chapters made me smile. Physical reactions from reading are definitely a plus.

I have a couple of huge problems, and unfortunately, that is Sedgewick. He's physically described as probably middle-aged, even though he is hundreds of years old. That is part that shines through. The dialogue overpowers physical description, and I can't picture him as anything other than a crotchety old codger. He's Clint Eastwood, but not as cool. More like Walter Matthau in "The Bad News Bears". This makes it harder for me to see him as a love interest for Feyla.

And let's get to that part. I get that Feyla is beholden to Sedgwick for being there for her at a difficult time in her life. But we also see other characters fall over themselves for Feyla. Surely, in all that time, someone would have made their way to Feyla's heart. Especially because Sedgewick straight up treats her like dirt. A lot. Sedgewick also has a tragic backstory where he does these things because he's gunshy about love. Blah blah blah. So somehow, he gets to be a crotchety old bad-boy archetype? I guess? I dunno. But this isn't Leia telling Han "I love you" and he says, "I know". This is Han saying, "Shut up, useless bitch. Get my coffee." Again, hyperbole, but close enough to the basic gist of why it doesn't work for me.

(9/20 points)

Description/Narration

There is some good description here, and it weaves itself seamlessly into the narrative. It happens at points where it doesn't interfere with character interactions or the thrust of the plot. Unfortunately, none of it stands out too much. The book takes the reader to some fantastical locations, but I can't say any of it sticks out in my mind. It does a much better job of character description, as I feel they have been fleshed out well. I'm impressed with some aspects, but short on others. Where it does come through, it does seem quite professional. That is now the third time I've used that description in this critique. When I use it here, it may be better to distinguish that I don't mean professional in a classic author sense, but more like a good ghost-writer style. Perhaps, I think the best description would be "serviceable".

(13/20 points)

Plot

The plot of Magic's Minister is well-coursed. I can see where the author hits the high points and they do not drag on minimal aspects for too long. Something is always happening in this world, and everything either drives the plot forward or gives us an insight into character development. Of course, some of the problems I discussed in the Dialogue and Character sections affect the plot as well, as this story is equally romance as it is fantasy.

Another detractor of points is the fact that I found all of the twists and turns to be extremely telegraphed to the reader. I saw everything coming from a mile away. I literally figured out the main twist by the second chapter. I don't read a lot of fantasy, but I do read a lot, so maybe less voracious readers will be less discriminating.

(10/20 points)

Suggestions

I would see if it was possible to tone down some of the vitriol in the way that Sedgewick treats Feyla. It was truly a bothersome point for me that makes the overarching romance between the characters unbelievable. I know Feyla attempts to explain it away in her past, but the amount of emotional havoc he wreacks on her doesn't ring true.

I would also suggest that the author remove a few lines in the initial chapters where the main antagonist seems to make it absolutely certain that the reader knows that they will be the main antagonist. It takes away any punch the revelation has in the last half of the book.

Overall

(62/100 points) Closer. Magic's Minister is on the better side of the enormous amount of content that resides on Wattpad. It is competently written and has characters that most readers will enjoy accompanying on their adventures. But it suffers from the constant plague of characters whose romantic interactions seem to be trapped in the high-school stage. And an altogether bland plot twist tacked on an interesting initial concept. Minus the way Sedgewick sometimes treats Feyla, it is saccharine sweet and a bit of innocent fun. I would suggest this for YA readers, those being introduced to the fantasy genre, or those just looking for a light piece of fluff in a magical setting. You have achieved the roll of closer, but not an elite one. More like from Team Hard Knocks. So, here's a pic of Astro's closer Ken Giles punching himself in the face after giving up a home run.