Chapter 21

   It was hard moving on knowing that Ria and Darion had sacrificed themselves for Lukas and I. However, it wasn’t as much of an impact on me as it was on Lukas since I had just briefly met them on the expedition. Was this what the world was like now? I meet new people and then they die? I will never forgive these titans for what they did and I don’t think I can forgive myself for thinking ignorantly back then. How could I become friends with these ruthless creatures? All they do is shed blood and cause chaos.

   The trip back to where Commander Erwin and the troops were was silent. I wasn’t sure if Lukas was still in mourning for them but he was serious and had an undecipherable face on. It was almost one of those Levi-faces where you don’t know what the person or Levi was thinking about. Soon, I heard shouts and I knew we were close. The wall was getting closer too and I was ready to know what was outside, farther from the forest.  

   “Ria! Lukas!” Erik approached us with a worried expression. He was gasping for breath and collapsed onto the floor.

   “T-the titans. They a-attacked again. We – ” I lifted him up with the help of Lukas and replied, “Don’t talk and rest. I get it that this isn’t a good situation.”

   I let go of Erik into Lukas’s arm and commanded, “Lukas, stay back here and protect Erik. I’ll go see what’s going on.”

   “W-wait!”

   I took off in a hurry. What was it that would exhaust Erik like that? He was stronger than me and was probably on the same level as Lukas. I hooked and grappled as fast as I could and peered over the leaning tower. There was a lot of noise and ashes from the buildings becoming pulverized by the titans. As I flew closer, I saw blood and smelled a pungent stench that was far from pleasant. The ash and haze clouded the area to make everything seem a bit more blurry and whiter. What was going on? I heard metal clashing and titans roaring. People were screaming and running. I landed on the floor but was more cautious than usual.

   Suddenly, a figure ran towards me and pushed me down. It was a man. He seemed to be a soldier but fear was crazing his eyes. The soldier seemed to breathe quickly and he continued to pin me down. A bit of spit dropped from his mouth and I jerked away to dodge it. His eyes didn’t have any emotion but fear.

   “H-help!” I shouted out of desperation since the man would not get off.

   His eyes kept staring and suddenly, he started bleeding a little bit from his mouth. A single drop of blood came from his mouth and I noticed a small hole in his neck. It must’ve been some sort of injection. Was it from my father again? Was he doing this to the soldiers?

   I had no choice now. I used my remaining strength to throw him off of me and quickly took my blades out. Then, while he was staggering towards me, I used my blade to cut him in the arm. Since he was occupied with the wound on his arm, I quickly fled from him and found the group of troops. Was this what got Erik so exhausted? There was only about thirty sane soldiers left with Commander Erwin and a separate twenty soldiers were going insane. The soldiers were rioting and moved awkwardly like titans.

   I spotted Eren, Armin, Mikasa, and Levi and bolted towards them. They too turned around and started pointing and yelling when I saw the same crazed soldier chasing me again. He seemed to be faster than me somehow and his lips mouthed help me. Soon, he was right behind me and I didn’t dare look behind again. There were no buildings close by and I was in too desperate of a situation to think about hooking onto something. Then, the pressure behind me was gone and I curiously peered over to see Lukas with Erik following close behind. I was confused at first because I had told Lukas to stay with Erik but then I remembered that they would never follow my instructions in the first place. Even in this situation, I couldn’t help but smile a little and hugged Lukas and Erik.

   “Erik, are you okay?” I asked seeing that he was still breathing heavily.

   He broke out into another wide smile and replied with a thumbs up, “Don’t worry, I’m fine. I think I was exaggerating a bit earlier.”

   I pouted and complained, “Well don’t scare me like that. Thanks, you guys for saving me back there.”

   Lukas then commented, “That crazed man isn’t someone you should be afraid of anyway. I’m sure even if he caught up, you’d get away using your blades. He’s nothing compared to a titan.”

   We caught up to the others and then came up with a plan. Commander Erwin approved and allowed us to commence with it. We were going to go outside the walls with Lukas, Erik, Eren, Armin, and Levi. Mikasa was going to help out with Commander Erwin and the other 104th Trainees Squad members. It took a bit to convince Mikasa though since she wanted to protect Eren. Erik was to hold Eren until he regained conscience.

   Levi led us and we followed him as we approached Wall Maria. Lukas and Levi wiped out the titans that were in our way but we mostly tried to avoid them. I felt guilty for leaving the rest of the soldiers behind but I really wanted to see the outside world. Finally, we were standing right behind Wall Maria. Before the titans could eat us, we quickly climbed up the wall with our hooks on the 3D Maneuver Gear. While we were climbing up the wall, the titans were chomping their teeth below us, trying to reach us. I was getting higher and higher up the wall that once used to tower over us. Although I heard from stories only, I heard there was a titan that could peer over this wall. It’s unbelievable that a titan could be this tall.

   At last, we were standing on the abandoned wall. Although it had cracks and holes in it, the wall still kept its height. However, while we were peering over the wall, I saw the forest I lived in. But the forest was so immense that I could not see what was beyond it. We then slowly climbed down the wall after taking in the breathtaking view. However, the land was also populated by titans. When we were on the other side, we made a break for the forest. While we were out in the open fields, we were a clear target for the titans. If we had nothing to hook onto, we were all titan bait.

   Luckily, we made it to the forest and it was a nostalgic ride for me. This was where I used to live and befriend the titans. But now I was running away from the titans in the forest. I felt a mix of emotions. It was almost as if I regretted my current life and wanted to just live a simple life in this forest again. However, I knew it was impossible because I no longer could befriend titans and made plenty of friends. If I stayed back in the forest, it would mean betraying everyone here.

   Suddenly, a small group of titans emerged from the trees right behind us and began to chase us. Erik and I were in the back so we were the most threatened by the titans. I averted my direction and started to pursuit the titans. Swiftly landing on the titan’s neck, I sliced it and jumped up, attempting to move onto my next target. Unexpectedly though, I couldn’t move and fell. Was I out of gas? Levi caught me and the others killed off the titans. We took a break and landed on a thick branch.

   “I – I’ll stay behind. I’m out of gas so I can’t be of any use,” I muttered, staring down at the branch.

   “I won’t allow that. I’ll carry you,” Levi suggested.

   “I’ll be a burden to you then. You won’t be able to fight while carrying me.”

   There was a silence between all of us. I was not okay with staying behind but I had run out of gas. Although I wanted to see everything beyond the forest, there should be a chance for everyone else. In fact, I had lived outside the walls and spent more time out here in freedom than anyone else. It’s only normal to let someone else feel freedom and see the sights I’ve yearned to see. Everyone else probably wanted to see the outside world as well. It would only be selfish of me if I allowed Levi to carry me.

   “I – I’ll stay behind. Ria, you can use my leftover gas,” Armin announced, catching everyone’s attention.

   “What are you talking about, Armin? You can’t do that. It’s my responsibility that I let my gas get low in the first place. You’re the one who showed Eren the book about the outside world, right? You probably want to see everything more than me. You’ve had this dream longer than me. You have the right to see the outside world with Eren. Go see what your parents couldn’t see!” I shouted, my eyes watering.

   “That’s true, Ria. I want to go see. I want to learn. I really want to see what’s out there with Eren! But I’m no use here. The only thing I can do is think and make plans. What are plans going to do out here? I’m unfamiliar with this place and I don’t think I would be able to come up with something straight on the spot. I want to feel useful! If I have to die here, I want to die knowing that I helped in some way. What did I do on this expedition so far? I didn’t do anything! All I did was ride with other soldiers and be protected by everyone else. I was only protected! I could do nothing! Do you know how painful it is? I’m just watching everyone else killing titans and helping the team. I didn’t kill one titan yet in this trip! I couldn’t help at all! Ria, you should go. Go see instead for me,” Armin explained.

   “Armin! That’s exactly why we need you! You’re aware of situations and know what to do! That’s not true that you didn’t contribute. You helped me think things out when I didn’t know what to do. I told you about my past and you helped me sort my memories and feelings out. Without you that time, who knows what I might’ve done? I’m sure if Eren were awake right now, he would never forgive me for taking your gas,” I assured desperately.

   “Ria, I know you’re trying to be humble right now, but listen to your true feelings. You want to see, don’t you? Why don’t you go? I’ll be fine here; maybe I’ll get lucky and meet up with Commander Erwin and the rest of the troops. Just because I stay back doesn’t mean I won’t have a chance of seeing what’s beyond. There’s always a chance. That’s what I’ve learned. Nothing is impossible until you figure things out. It may take time and some luck but dreams can come true. Having made it all the way here alive is a dream for me. Without any skills or endurance, I knew I would’ve died. But I’ve lived in this world and have understood it. I was ready to die at any moment. Go, Ria and see the unknown!” Armin cried.

   “Maybe things weren’t impossible before the titans appeared. But this is reality! With the titans here, there’s almost no chance of living. In this world we live in, I’ve never seen many dreams lived. In this cruel world, we can only dream only to find out that these dreams can never happen. But now there’s a chance for you to live your dream! This was your dream when you were a child. But this was a dream for me recently! This means so much more for you!” I yelled.

   I wanted Armin to see the world but I also wanted to. I was going against my emotions. Deep inside, I knew that I was happy that Armin would give his gas to me. Deep inside, I was relieved that I would be able to go outside. However, that just means that I was a selfish person. Who was I, stealing his dream away? I’ve always asked why many times. Why did my gas have to run out? Why did this have to happen? It was a question asked a lot and I never received an answer. Things just happen in this cruel world.

   Armin didn’t reply and he was already getting his gas tank out. At this point, there was no more chance for me to go against him. I simply didn’t retaliate and cried. Sacrifices had to be made in this world. I thanked Armin many times before leaving him. While we were flying away, I didn’t know what I was feeling. Was it happiness? Was it guilt? Was it sadness? I would never know. I looked back to see Armin standing on the branch. He was now alone and was going to be destined to meet his terrible fate. Although I saw him with a smile, I’m sure it was just to cover up his tears from inside. He was happy on the outside but breaking down in the inside. Hope was snatched from his life and only doubt remained. I’m sure he would also ask himself why. Why did I do that? He would probably think.

   I turned around and wiped the tears from my eyes. Armin had sacrificed himself for me so I had to definitely see what was beyond there. I’m coming, outside world!

~*~

   TT . TT Noo!! Armin! I am truly sorry if you are sad right now but it had to be done. The story will probably end next chapter or two chapters later. Thank you again for reading! I thank everyone for the votes and comments too. ^.^ I can’t thank you guys enough. Be prepared though, in the last chapter I’m probably going to write a whole chapter just thanking everyone. Please vote for me in the Anime Watty Awards and SnK Watty Awards! I would really appreciate it. Oh and after this fanfic is over, I’m thinking about making a lighthearted, funny, and perhaps maybe a bit romatic KnB fanfic! I have two ideas so I might do two at a time. Please look forward to it! More details will be revealed on the last chapter. Thanks again and see you next week!