A/N: Credit to Renowned-Wolf for helping me with this chapter.

The scene opens in the IMP office where Loona is sitting at her desk reading Imp Gossip magazine while drinking a beer when the Grimoire glows, causing a portal to open. Screaming can be heard as a severed head flies through a portal.

Blitzo: That was a fuck ton of lumberjacks!

A tree falls into through the portal with Moxxie popping out grinning maniacally while revving a chainsaw and Millie scurries in like a scorpion with an axe held in her teeth.

Millie: AHHH, I'm still so jazzed up! (snapping axe) Hahaha!

A lumberjack falls through the portal only for you to grab them, pick them up, freeze them solid, then throw them back through the portal where they hit the ground and shatter like glass.

Moxxie: Well you better stay jazzed, babe. Guess where I'm taking you tonight?

Blitzo: Don't you dare finish a filthy pun in-

You throw an ice ball at Blitzo's face, freezing his mouth shut.

Y/N: Proceed.

Moxxie: Thanks. As I was saying, it's our one year wedding anniversary.

Y/N: You've only been married for a year?!

Moxxie: And to celebrate I'm taking Millie to Ozzie's in The Lust Ring tonight.

Millie gasps and gets starry eyed.

A/N: those shots of Millie being starry eyed are so goddamn adorable that I'm pretty sure they can be registered as lethal weapons.

Millie: OZZIE'S?! No way! That place is always booked!

Moxxie: Yeah, well I've been planning it for quite a while.

Y/N: If that's not the mother of all coincidences.

Loona: What do you mean, babe?

Y/N: Verosika and Octavia managed to get reservations for you to come along with us and the rest of the Succubi to Ozzie's.

Loona: No fucking way, are you shitting me?!

Y/N: No I'm- woah!

Loona love tackles you and gives you kisses, licks, and love bites with her tail swishing back and forward while Millie and Moxxie make-out.

Blitzo: Ugh, could you all not?

Moxxie: Sorry sir, maybe some other time.

Blitzo: Whatevs, I come along with you and help celebrate your boring as fu-

Y/N: No, the reservations are for us.

Blitzo: Uh huh.

Moxxie: Just us.

Blitzo: Mhm.

Moxxie: Without you.

Y/N: Explicitly without you there.

Blitzo: (putting his arms around you and Moxxie) I'll wear something nice, it's a big-

You grab Blitzo's arm, twist it off your shoulder and encase it in ice.

Blitzo: (shivering) I'll just go take care of this.

He makes his way over to the door, which is slammed into him as Verosika kicks it open.

Verosika: So I take from the kiss and bite marks that you told Loona the big news? 

Loona: (hugging you) Yes he did! (kisses you)

Verosika: You two are gonna love it.

Moxxie: Guess we'll meet you all there.

Millie: (running a finger down Moxxie's chest) Right now how about we go and clean this blood off. 

She purrs and runs her hand over Moxxie's crotch, causing him to blush and his tail to go erect as Millie leads him off.

A/N: In all honesty, Millie purring is one of the hottest things in the show. 

Loona and Verosika approach you.

Verosika: (massaging your shoulders) You know...

Loona: That's not a bad idea. (runs her hand down your chest and grabs your junk)

The hellhound and succubus lead you to the showers while purring.

Later everyone meets up at Elevator 666.

Announcer: Elevator 666 departing for Lust in (orgasming) five minutes.

You are wearing a dark blue pinstripe suit, courtesy of Alastor, and Loona is wearing a cocktail dress. As you're waiting for the others to show up a portal opens and Octavia walks out wearing a shimmering dress that looks like it has stars and galaxies woven in it.

Octavia: Hey Y/N, Loona.

Loona: Hey, Octavia.

Y/N: You look beautiful.

Octavia: (blushing) Thanks.

You give her a brief kiss as the others show up.

Verosika: You better have enough that for everyone, Y/N.

 You give all the women a kiss.

Moxxie: Where are the other girls, Y/N?

Y/N: Charlie and Vaggie are running the hotel and on top of that Vaggie and Maria are sinners and, unlike me, they can't leave The Pride Ring.

Moxxie: Oh yeah, that's right.

The elevator arrives with its doors opening.

Millie: Come on everyone, Ozzie's awaits!

You all enter the elevator, unaware you're being spied on by one of the worst things in existence

Cut to Ozzie's. the bouncer, Jesse, lets Millie and Moxxie in and is surprised to see you.

Jesse: Holy shit, it's true. The Bad Cop really can traverse all of Hell. These lovely ladies all with you?

The girls: Yes we are.

Jesse: Well, enjoy your night then. 

You all walk in. A few seconds later, Blitzo tries to follow after you.

Jesse: Woah there, buddy. Got a reservation?

Blitzo: Oh yeah. I'm with the Sinner and his whores.

Jesse: This club is for people in relationships only.

Blitzo: It's what?

Jesse: No date, no reservation, no entry.

Blitzo looks up and down

Blitzo: ...Y-you know, [bats eyes] you have really nice eyes, daddy?

Jesse: Yeah, "creepy and desperate" isn't my type.

He punches Blitzo into a dumpster.

Blitzo: (flipping him off) You fucking prude!

Cut to Stolas at his mansion, looking utterly depressed. He sighs loudly and pours himself a bowl of Hell's version of Lucky Charms before sitting down on the couch to watch a Hellanovella and hoots sadly.

Gabriella: Ay, why won't you love me Alejandro?

Stolas: That's a mood, Gabriella. [Eats a spoonful of cereal]

His phone rings. A cloud of mist saying "Blitzy is calling" forms before Stolas makes two meme faces.

Stolas: Helloo? Hello Blitzy?

Blitzo: Stolas, hey you-uh, shit... you busy tonight?

Stolas: Umm, why do you ask?

Blitzo: I was wondering if you... wanna come with me to a club tonight?

A/N: It was in this moment Blitzo became my most hated character from these shows.

Stolas: Are you asking me on a date, Blitzy?

Blitzo: I-yes, I suppose that is what's happening. How fast can you get down to ?

Stolas: I can be ready in 20!

Blitzo: All right, fantastic. See you soon.

Stolas: I'll see you Blitzy~

Cut to the inside of Ozzie's. You and your girlfriends are escorted to your table before two Hellborn approach you and run their hands over your chest without your consent.

Hellborn 1: Hey, cutie...

Hellborn 2: Care for a private dance? (seductive) I've never been with a Sinner before.

Loona: (growling) Keep walking, skanks.

Octavia: (eyes glowing) That's our man.

Succubi: Death Glares

The two of them yelp and scamper off.

Cut to Blitzo on the street waiting for Stolas.

Blitzo: Come on, come on, come on...

Stolas arrives and steps through a glowing portal behind Blitzo.

Stolas: Oh Blitzy, I'm here~

Blitzo: Wow. That's a bit overkill, don't ya think?

Stolas: [chuckles] W-well I-I just wanted to look a little nicer for you. This is our first real date after all.

Blitzo: Oh yeah, I guess this is, huh.

Jesse: You again? Beat it, shithead-

Stolas: Ahem, do we have a problem?

Jesse: ...Oh uh, shit-uh my apologies your highness. Uh, please go right in.

Blitzo and Stolas enter Ozzie's and find a table

Stolas: [gasps] Oh, MY! Oh no; no, but yes! Oh, Blitzo, how romantic is this? What made you choose such a place to bring me?

Blitzo: [pulls out a pair of binoculars] Oh, it just sounded like- I just thought we'd have a blast here, you know?

He spies on various tables, including a guy getting a blowjob from his date, before he sees Moxxie and Millie, as well as you and your girlfriends. 

Blitzo: Gotcha!

Stolas: Oh, Blitzo. What are you looking at?

Blitzo: [doesn't turn around] I'm looking at nothing; how about that?

A waitress named Crane comes over to their table

Crane: Can I get you two off- I mean, start you two off with some drinks?

Stolas: Yes! Um, perhaps some wine to share; do you prefer red wine or white, Blitz? Or perhaps some champagne?

Blitzo: [still not turning around] Yeah, whatever.

Stolas: [nervously chuckles] Well, perhaps all three. Why not? So Blitzo, how was your day?

Blitzo: [finally looks at Stolas] Huh? Oh, good I guess. We killed a bunch of beardos

Stolas: THAT sounds fun! How did you kill them?

Blitzo: How? I-I-I mean, there was a lot of them, so I-bullets.

Stolas: Right, right... so, what made you decide to ask me out after all this time?

Blitzo: Uhhhhhhhhhh

Before he can lie to his face, they're interrupted.

Fizzarolli: Ladies and gentlemen! I see some sexy faces around here tonight! [descends from the center stage] Welcome, welcome, to Ozzie's: Lust ring's number 1 place for all kinds of sick twisted fantasies. Put on display for all you 'Sleaze' and 'Sleazettes'. The gin joint of Asmodeus himself! C'mon, give him some LOVE!

Stolas: Did he just say 'Asmodeus'?

Blitzo: Oh, no fucking way. Not HIM! [hides behind a menu]

Fizzarolli: I am the one and only Fizzarolli. Some of you may recognize this dashing clown face from my numerous toy botic replicas across the rings of Hell. Gloriously designed by the big man himself and [rolls up a sleeve] ribbed for your pleasure tonight. We have a great lineup for you tonight: Verosika Mayday, Wet Dream, and 'The Squirters'!

Verosika is shown sitting in your lap at the bar. When "The Squirters" pop up, they invade your personal space, causing you to kick them off-screen.

Fizzarolli: But as everyone's warming up; I've got a funny one for y'all. Did any of you hear about the bat-shittery that happened at Loo Loo Land?

Most of the audience laughs.

Fizzarolli: Ha ha ha! Oh, yeah. Wow. I'll tell you what: I'd sure love to shake the hand of the crazy son of a bitch who decided to burn down that off brand shithole and then slap a fat subpoena in it, 'cause I am VERY MUCH looking to sue!

Blitzo and Stolas look away while you and Octavia look a little uncomfortable.

Fizzarolli: That Robo-me made us more money entertaining those kids than the ones we sell to get you freaks off, if you know what I mean. [giggles maniacally]

Disturbed Invidivual: Oh, I know what you mean! I have four of them!

Fizzarolli: [into mic] Okay, keep that guy FAR away from me.

He then spots you before sporting an unhinged grin and extending himself so his head is only a few inches away from you

Fizzarolli: You wouldn't happen to know an-

Y/N: (grabs Fizz's face) Fuck off, you glorified sex doll.

You pull and let go of Fizzarolli, causing him to snap back to the stage where he tries to brush it off.

Fizzarolli: SO, without wasting any more time, our little opening act is a fresh one! Coming at us from a little imp from the Wrath ring, give it up for Moxxie... with no creative stage name whatsoever.

Moxxie: Hello everyone -- [feedback from the microphone] Oh! [clears throat] Hi, thank you for letting me be here. It's an honor to play.

Wally Wackford: [off-screen] [drunk] Uh, hurry up, Bullet, and uh, SING, boy! I say, I say--

Moxxie: This song is for my beautiful wife, a surprise for our first anniversary. I love you, Millie.

Verosika: Is this idiot serious?!

Loona: Yes, yes he is.

Y/N: I'm assuming that performing a love song in a nightclub dedicated to Lust is a bad idea?

Octavia: Like you wouldn't believe.

Moxxie: I love you
More than the brimstone loves the fire
More than Beelze- loves her -bub
More than a maggot loves gangrenous stubs

You make my spirit sing
Yeah, you make me glad I live in Hell
Our love is a story sweet to tell

Yeah, you cast a special Satanic spell over my heart
Love is a journey we decided to start
Yeah, I hope we'll never ever be apart

I love you (x7)

Asmodeus and Fizzarolli: *joining in, mockingly* I love you (x5)

Asmodeus and Fizzarolli: I love you (x3)

Asmodeus: You singing love songs in my lustful lounge?

Fizzarolli: Ozzie's ain't the place for sentimental sounds!

Asmodeus: What'd you expect from a proprietor like us?

Fizzarolli: Your demon host, Asmodeus, the embodiment of lust!

Asmodeus: Give me a thrust!

Fizzarolli: Bwabwabwabwa bwaaaah-

Asmodeus: Show me some lust
From the groin to the bust
In desire, we trust
In the house of Asmodeus

Fizzarolli: Trumpet! Hah!

Asmodeus: Little Imp, you came here to sing your serenade
Perform your feelings on a velvety stage
Well, we got a saying that's popular in these parts-

Fizzarolli: "Only little bitches strum the strings of their hearts!"

Asmodeus: You wanna hang around this lustful town?
Ditch the lovey-dovey before we knock you around
Here we sing about wants and desires

Fizzarolli: Depravity! savagery! Loins hotter than fire!

Asmodeus: So, give me a thrust!
Show me some lust
From the groin to the bust
Little Imp, you just must
In the house of Asmodeus

Come on, sing us a song
Make sure the subject is gettin' it on!
Make it graphic and tantrically long~

Fizzarolli: Be sure to rhyme "thong" and "shlong"!

Asmodeus: Go ahead, your mic's on!

Moxxie: I want to...

Fizzarolli: Yeah, what do you want? Butt stuff? Piss play? Bondage?

Moxxie: Make gentle love to you

Asmodeus: Ugh, what a limp-dick Imp
You're really killin' the vibe
Get a load of this dweeb
And his unsatisfied bride

Blitzo: Hey, now! I've watched those two pork many times.

Moxxie: What?! Blitzo?!

Verosika: (furious) Blitz-O?!

Y/N: You son of a bitch!

Octavia: Dad?!

Y/N: Wait, Stolas?!

Fizzarolli: Is that Blitzo? So, you're showin' your face?
Hey everybody, this guy's a total disgrace!
Some nerve you got to comment on a relationship
Last I checked your love life is a pile of shit!

Verosika Mayday: Oh, Blitzo?
I used to date him (date him, date him)

Blitzo: Oh Verosika, you're here...

Verosika Mayday: I'd stroke him, I'd fellate him (fellate him, fellate him)
Yeah, but when it was my turn (my turn, my turn)
(gesturing to you) Unlike a real man, He did no reciprocatin' (what a dick bag)

A selfish Imp in the sheets
And just as bad in the streets
A reckless, heart-breaking freak!

As she shoves Blitzo to the ground, Stolas stands up looking concerned.

Y/N: Sit the fuck down, Stolas! That's compared to what he did to her

Asmodeus: (turning his attention to Stolas)

Woo! My dark lord, how the mighty do fall
You used to have a smokin' wife, a kid, you had it all
I hope you didn't give it up so you and him could get it up~

You sold your life for a thrust!
Now, that's the spirit of lust!
Grab your groin or a bust

Prepare get your hair mussed
Pretend you don't see that crust
Hump 'til your junk turns to dust

Asmodeus and Fizzarolli: In the house of Asmode-

An Axe made of ice flies in and cuts one of Fizzarolli's arms off.

Fizzarolli: AHHH! You fucking piece of-

You throw three more axes, cutting off the rest of his limbs.

Asmodeus: Hey!

You shoot an ice ball at his head, encasing it in ice and causing him to fall over.

Y/N: (handing Moxxie his guitar) I think you were trying to sing something for your wife.

Moxxie: Yeah, I was.

Moxxie: I love us
I love us just the way we are
Don't have to pretend to like to do things we don't
I've always got you around to laugh at my stupid jokes

I'll never take you for granted
I'll always give you my best
And if you can offer the same
Fate will handle the rest
'Cause I love you
'Cause I love you

Cut back to Stolas and Blitzo's table.

Blitzo: You know what, this was a mistake.

Y/N: You just now figured that out?

Blitzo: Ba-

Y/N: You are in no position to talk back, in fact I would go so as to say you're not allowed to talk back.

Blitzo just looks away in shame, knowing you're right.

Y/N: And you, Stolas. I thought you had learned something since Loo Loo Land.

Stolas can't say anything. He just lowers his head with a guilty expression.

Y/N: I understand your wife isn't the most pleasant person and you may not be in love with her but I would at least think you would think of Octavia's wellbeing before your own depraved carnal desires.

The two turn and see a distraught Octavia. You go to approach her while Stolas stands up from his table.

Stolas: Via.

Octavia gives her father one tear filled look before turning away and embracing you. You reciprocate while running your hand down Octavia's back as she cries into your chest. 

Stolas is devastated but says nothing because there's nothing he can say. Stolas and Blitzo decide to leave.

Millie and Moxxie are still making out when Asmodeus, after chipping away all the ice, looms over them.

Asmodeus: Aw, ain't that just a happy display? It sickens me. GET THE FUCK OUT.

Asmodeus turns to you and goes to strike you, only to be repelled by an unseen force hurting his hand.

Asmodeus: AH! What the fuck?!

You hold up your right hand, causing your sleeve to fall down and reveal Princess Charlie's seal causing Asmodeus to back off feeling intimidated, which leads to you using your outstretched hand to flip Asmodeus the bird.

Y/N: Sit on and spin, bitch.

You and harem decide to leave and go to the Hotel.

Cut to Stolas and Blitzo

Stolas: Thank you, for...inviting me out tonight. Despite everything that's happened, I...I enjoyed spending time with you.

Blitzo: Yeah.

Stolas: You know, I have some more wine in the house. Octavia is with Y/N and Stella is no where to be found, so we could--

Blitzo: I'm not fucking you tonight, okay? I'm really just --  I'm really not in the mood, Stolas.

Stolas: We could talk, or... watch a movie, or... maybe cuddle?

Blitzo: Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but you wanting me to fuck you, okay? You make that really clear all the time. But I just, I-I can't do it tonight, okay? I'm sorry.

Stolas: Okay. Goodnight, Blitzo.

Blitzo: Night.

He drives off, leaving Stolas alone and reflecting on the consequences of his actions.

Cut to Blitzo arriving at his and Loona's apartment. There are several pictures of you, Loona, Moxxie, and Millie posing together, with Blitzo's face being scratched out of each of them.

He flops on the couch and scrolls through several photos; him and Fizzarolli as children and teenagers, him and Verosika when they were dating, him hiring Moxxie, him photobombing you and Verosika on a date, him waking up in bed with Stolas, and scrolls to one more which gives him pause.

Said photo features Blitzo and his sister as children with their mother.

Seeing this causes Blitzo to tear up before curling up in a ball and cry.

Cut to the Hotel.

Charlie is shown embracing Octavia, having heard what happened at Ozzie's. You abd your girlfriends change into more comfortable sleepwear and just enjoy each other's company with a movie before falling asleep.

End of Chapter.