A/N: Credit to Renowned Wolf for helping me with this chapter.

Scene opens on you waking up in Charlie's bed after Razzle and Dazzle had picked everyone up from the club. You look over and see Charlie and Vaggie waking up with similar groggy expressions, both look like they're nursing hangovers.

Vaggie: And this is why I usually don't drink.

The three of you look at each other with confused expressions as dawning realization seeps.

Y/N, Charlie, and Vaggie: Did we sleep together?!

Y/N: I mean...it's gotta be the alcohol, right?

Charlie: ...Maybe not.

Vaggie: Look, Y/N...the truth is both of us *really* like you.

Y/N: Wait, we barely even know each other.

Charlie gives you a seductive smirk and presses her breasts against your chest. 

Charlie: We know enough. (kisses your cheek)

Vaggie wraps her arms around you from behind and kisses down your neck.

Vaggie: You're smart (kiss), handsome (kiss), charming (kiss), and actually care about other people.

Charlie: And we've been thinking about expanding our relationship. You interested, baby? (runs her hand over your crotch)

Y/N: ...I'll definitely need to contemplate this some more, and I really need to get to work at IMP. But I'm not opposed to it.

Charlie: Fair enough. But before you go, (wraps her arms around your neck) give your Mamas some sugar.

She gives you a brief but passionate kiss before Vaggie does the same.

Cut to IMP's office where Loona is nursing a hangover. She is currently the only other person in the office. You suddenly walk in and notice her messaging her temples.

Y/N: Loona, are you alright?

Loona: (lustfully) I am now!

She tackles you onto the couch and gives you several kisses and love bites while pinning your hands above your head.

Loona: Wait. (sniffs you) Who did you have sex with?!

Y/N: What?

Loona: You had sex with two women, who are they?!

Y/N: Princess Charlie and her girlfriend Vaggie.

Loona: Seriously?! (saddened, ears and tail drooping) How can I compete with that?

Y/N: What do you mean "compete"?

Loona: Come on. You have THE princess of Hell going down on you, why would you want to be with a lowly-

You cut her off with a passionate kiss

Y/N: Never think of yourself like that, Loona.

Loona: But-

Y/N: Loona, yes I was with two women, including the princess, but that doesn't mean I don't love or care about you.

Loona: (tail wagging) You still want to be with me even though you have the princess?

Y/N: Yes, I do.

Loona: Would Charlie, Vaggie, and whoever else be cool with us?

Y/N: I would think so, we'll have to talk to them.

Loona: Alright, we'll talk with them. But can we at least enjoy each other for now?

Y/N: Of course Loona. (boops her)

Loona: (playfully hits you) Jerk! Better let everyone know who the queen bitch is.

She pushes you on your back again and gives you more kisses and love bites until Blitzo comes in and ruins the moment.

Blitzo: Aw, good to see my little Loonie is-

Loona: Blitzo! (throws a coffee mug at him, scaring him off) Now, where were we? (proceeds with kissing and love bites)

Scene transitions to you and Blitzo meeting with your newest client, Ms. Mayberry, in Blitzo's office.

Mrs. Mayberry: I was a good person, before it all went down... I was good my entire life.

Flashback to a red school house. Birds fly in the background. "Learning is fun" is written on the side of the building. There are trees and a playground. A bell on the roof rings. Mrs. Mayberry opens white curtains, revealing two birds singing on a tree branch. Inside the classroom, Mrs. Mayberry writes "Good morning!" on the blackboard.

Mrs. Mayberry: Good morniiiiiiiing!

She twirls around and catches her piece of chalk.

Mrs. Mayberry: I hope you all did your homework!

Several smiling students nod in a dance at their desks. A brown-haired boy wearing a dunce cap spins on a stool and faces the wall.

Class: ♫ We love to do our homework, and we love our teacher, too! ♫

Mrs. Mayberry: ♫ Then when I throw out these fun questions, you should know just what to do! ♫

Class: ♫ Okay! ♫

Mrs. Mayberry: ♫ Two plus six is... ♫

Class: ♫ Eight! ♫

Mrs. Mayberry: ♫ And good behavior's... ♫

Class: ♫ Great! ♫

Mrs. Mayberry: ♫ And now it's that part of the class when we say the time of day and date! ♫

Blonde boy: ♫ It's nine in the morning... ♫

Girl 1: ♫ On January 8th! ♫

Girl 2: ♫ The sun is out smiling! ♫

Dunce boy: ♫ And it's your husband's birthday! ♫

Mrs. Mayberry: [faces the class] Oh my stars! Stop singing, children! Hush up now!

Mrs. Mayberry: I forgot it's my husband's birthday! I didn't get him anything special!

Girl 2: Maybe if we call him, we could do a happy birthday surprise!

Scene cuts to a bedroom. "Wifey" appears with a ringing telephone icon on a computer screen. A sock lands on a corner of the computer followed by a pair of underwear. Giggles and an "oh yeah," and "not there, not there," come from the room. An unused condom hits the screen as Mrs. Mayberry's face appears from the other side. Squeaking is heard. Back in the classroom, her face turns red in anger and then shock as she stares in bewilderment. The children stand behind her with concerned, fearful looks.

Her face blank and in shadow, Mrs. Mayberry stands up and walks away.

Girl 2: Wait! Mrs. Mayberry! [grabs hold of Mrs. Mayberry's arm] Remember what you taught us? Think before you act.

Mrs. Mayberry grabs her by the throat and yeets her through the ceiling.

The children scurry to the window to see Mrs. Mayberry drive through a white picket fence in her green car. The children head back to the computer to watch.

Jarold: Okay. [Notices Mrs. Mayberry] Oh shit, sweetie. What are you doing here?

Mrs. Mayberry: Shut up, Jarold!

A woman's screams and shots are heard.

Ms. Mayberry: You scream like a bitch!

Dunce boy cowers in his seat as the sound of a chainsaw is heard. Blood splatters against the computer screen as the children stare in horror.

Jarold: Oh god, what have you done? Sh-She had a family!

Mrs. Mayberry: [sobs] We could've had a family!

Gunshots are heard and several children look away in disgust. Mrs. Mayberry wipes away the blood from the screen. She looks frazzled at her students.

Mrs. Mayberry: Oh dear God, what have I done...? In front of you all! [sobs] I'm so sorry, my children! Don't forget to work on your timestables!

Another gunshot is heard and the children faint on the floor one by one.

Back to the present

Ms. Mayberry:  You do everything right in life, play by all the rules... and still get sent down here with all the Hitlers and Epsteins of the world! After one measly massacre propelled by blind rage. So that's why I'm here. To get my revenge.

Blitzo: I mean, was she hotter?

Ms. Mayberry glares at him and looks justifiably offended.

Blitzo: I have a hard time und-

He's cut off as you shoot him and annoyed glare and thwack him on the back of head with your nightstick.

Blitzo: Ow, motherfucker! I was just saying it sounds like she already got revenge.

Y/N: Please proceed, ma'am.

Ms. Mayberry: Thank you. Anyway the whore survived. And now everyone calls her a hero.

Montage shows Martha recovering in the hospital, receiving a check for $2,000,000 for some reason, and several brainless Sheeple calling her a "hero".

Ms. Mayberry: (enraged) she is not a hero! 

Y/N: Jesus Fucking Christ, people have gotten dumber since I've been dead. (noticing how scared Blitzo is) I think you've got this covered, boss.

Blitzo: Wait, what?!

You gently lay on hand on Ms. Mayberry's shoulder, making her blush.

Y/N: We'll get the whore, I promise. I'm sorry you had to go through that. If it means anything, I know what it's like to be betrayed by someone you love and trust.

Ms. Mayberry: You do?

Y/N:  Yeah, it's a long story. Also I've actually heard of Martha, she's a serial adulterer and most of her "partners" turn up missing. I tried to get a warrant back when I was alive, but due to lack of evidence, there was no way to build a case against her.

Ms. Mayberry: Why doesn't that surprise me?

Y/N: Like I said, we'll get her.

You leave the room and see Millie helping Moxxie with a crossbow while Loona holds a photo of a happy family.

Moxxie: Y/N, you used to be a Cop. Settle this for us. Do you think it's right to eradicate an entire family? They look so happy and carefree.

Y/N: (looking at the picture) Ha! (points at son) I bet he tortures animals, (points at daughter) she cyber-bullies people to the point of suicide and gets off on it, (points at dad) and this guy...this guy *definitely* watches.

Loona: See, I told you!

Moxxie: But Y/-

Y/N: In my line of work, I've seen every kind of evil and depravity you can think of. The most fucked up ones were always the so-called "happy and carefree" ones. 

Moxxie: People can't be-

Y/N: You do know I was framed by my crooked partner and put in prison for his crimes, don't you?

Moxxie: Oh.

Y/N: Mox, you're an assassin. Your job is to kill the target, no questions asked.

Millie: You see, Mox, humans are full of secret nasties. It's why so many end up here.

A/N: I mean...she's not wrong.

Moxxie: But-

Millie: like Y/N said, guilty and innocent isn't our business. Killing who we're paid to is our business. Now shoot the target.

She kisses his cheek before standing next to you and giving you bedroom eyes.

Moxxie: I just think it's a bit excessive and we could probably be just a little selective is all.

Blitzo: (kicks open door) Guys, I'd like you to meet-

Startled by Blitzo, Moxxie accidentally pulls the trigger on the crossbow and the arrow bounces around the room. You catch it before it hits Ms. Mayberry.

Blitzo: Great catch, Y/N.

Y/N: Caught a lot of throwing knives back when I was alive.

The Eel Tank tips over and they start a fire, causing Ms. Mayberry to jump into your arms.

Blitzo: Damnit Moxxie, I just bought those Eels!

Y/N: Why do we have Eels in the first place?!

Scene transitions to the outside of the building while two firefighters carry the Eels away. Ms. Mayberry is getting into a cab.

Y/N: Are you alright?

Ms. Mayberry: Yeah, thanks to you. (stares dreamily)

Y/N: That skank is as good as dead, ma'am.

Ms. Mayberry: Please, call me Maria.

Y/N: Lovely name for a lovely woman.

Maria: (blushing) Why, thank you. You're easy on the eyes yourself. (seductive) Have I ever mentioned how I love a man in uniform?

Y/N: Excuse me?

Maria: (handing you her number) Let me know when you're avail- I mean done with the job. (gets into the cab)

Blitzo: Just so you know, if we don't complete the job within 24 hours, your first kill is free!

Moxxie: When did we start implementing that deal?

Blitzo: (grabs Moxxie's face) When you set fire to my office in front of a CLIENT, YOU FUCKING DIP SHIT! Now please tell me that fancy book is still intact!

Loona: You mean our only ticket to the other side? Yeah, I got it.

Blitzo: And that's why you're my favorite, Loonie. (baby voice) You get a tweat now. (presents dog treat)

Loona: Ew. Stop.

Blitzo tosses it up before catching and eating it with a frog-like tongue.

Loona: (disgusted) You're so GROSS!

Blitzo: Aw, stop it. I get enough of that from my therapist.

Loona: (pulling you aside) Looks like you'll have to talk to the others about Maria too.

Y/N: You think so?

Loona: Dude, she was giving you "fuck me" eyes.

Blitzo: Y/N, let's go!

Loona: Be careful.

She gives you a quick kiss. 

Blitzo: Let's go lick some ass!

Millie: (opening portal) The expression is "kick some ass", Blitzo.

Blitzo: Mine's better.

Y/N: No it's not. (kicks him through the portal)

You then grab your nightstick and a couple tear gas grenades that were recovered from the inferno before walking through.

Moxxie: (sensing how bad this will be) Ohhhhh fuck.

The four of you approach the house and look through a window to see Martha, her husband Ralphie, and their two demon spawn preparing for dinner.

Blitzo: That's gotta be her. (chuckling) This is too easy. You want this one, Mox?

Moxxie: (pleasantly surprised) Me?!

Blitzo: Yeah, it's simple enough for you. It's just a happy mother who just got out of the hospital.

Moxxie immediately becomes reluctant.

Moxxie: Wait, are we actually killing a family?

Blitzo: Don't be a puss, we're just killing a mother. We're ruining a family.

As they argue over the ethics of the kill, you look around the room and notice the decor and furniture made of human body parts and nearly gag, memories of gruesome crime scenes coming back.

Y/N: This slut is *so* dead. (readies rifle)

Moxxie: Hold on! Let's just think about this.

He knocks the rifle away as you fire, causing the bullet to miss and alerting Martha and her family.

Martha: What was that, Ralphie?!

Ralphie: I don't know, Martha. But whatever it is...(readies shotgun) they're gonna be tomorrow night's dinner!

Martha finishes her wine before she slams the glass on the ground and pulls out her own shotgun.

Martha: Alright, Kids! Guns out!

Both kids pull out their own weapons, revealing themselves to be just as psychotic as their parents.

Ralphie: Looks like we got some Rabbits to catch youngins'.

Cut back to outside the house.

Y/N: WHAT THE FUCK, MOXXIE?!

Moxxie: Wheezes

Moxxie: I'm sorry, they just seemed so wholesome and hap-

Y/N: (strangling Moxxie) WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU?!

Blitzo: Get the fuck over yourself, you baby dicked prude!

A/N: This is the only time Renowned Wolf and I have agreed with Blitzo

Martha and her family return fire, grazing your shoulder and making you drop Moxxie.

Blitzo: Scatter!

You, Blitzo, and Millie run off into the woods while Moxxie is grabbed by the kids. 

Ralphie fires at Millie who flips backwards and dives into the lake.

Ralphie: Where'd you go, little critter?! Y'all can't hide long from me!

Millie jumps through the dock with a knife in her mouth. She and Ralphie exchange a few blows before he hits her with a glass bottle and knocks her unconscious.

Scene cuts to Moxxie waking up tied to a chair in the house. He notices the two kids staring at him and tries to defuse the situation.

Moxxie: Oh! Well, hello there, little ones. Aren't you cute?

Kids: It's nice to have a new critter to play with.

He looks around and notices the decor made of human remains and the organs on the dinner table.

Moxxie: Oh...crumbs.

Cut to Blitzo running through the woods when his Hellphone rings. 

Blitzo: Stolas! This is a really bad time.

Stolas is shown taking a bath.

Stolas: Mmmmm, when isn't it a bad time, Blitzy?

Blitzo: What is it?!

Stolas: I've been meaning to follow up on our last little conversation regarding my Grimoire?

Blitzo: What did you just call me?!

Stolas: My book, Blitzy. The book I was given to do my job? That I have allowed you to use to do yours?

Stolas: Anywhoooo, I have been thinking. You know, I have been... permitting you to access the mortal realm less than... legally for quite some time now, but I do need it back to fulfill my duties. I was thinking, what if we worked out some kind of exchange? Favors for favors? Doesn't that sound...enticing?

Blitzo: You gotta stop using your fancy ass rich-people talk, okay? I'm trying to concentrate on not getting fucked in my A!

Stolas: Then let me keep it simple: Once a month, on the full moon, you return the book to me, followed by a night of...paaaaassionate fornication. Aaaaaaaand you get to keep it all the rest of the time, hmm? Sound fair, my little Imp?

Blitzo: Fine! Whatever!

Stolas: Ohhh, Blitzo! I'm so excited! I cannot wait to feel your slimy c**k inside of my ****. To ***** the—

Disgusted, Blitzo drops his phone and runs off as soon as he hears gunfire before he's knocked out by Martha.

Cut to you hiding behind a Tree, bleeding from the bullet that grazed you.

Y/N: Fuck it all! I'm gonna rip you in half for this, Mox!

A shotgun blast tears through the Tree next to you and you hear Martha call out.

Martha: I know you're hurting little fella, I can make the pain go away real quick! Just let mama Martha put a bullet in your pretty little skull!

Y/N: (muttering to yourself) Not a chance, you demented serial killer.

You grab a tear gas grenade, pull the pin, and toss it back, followed by hearing Martha yell out. You charge out, and as the gas dissipates, you see her frantically wiping at her eyes as tears run down her face.

You turn her around and slam your first into her face, knocking her on her back. As her vision clears, she takes in your demonic appearance.

Martha: So, you're a devil, huh? Come to send me and my kin to Hell?

Y/N: (pulling out gun) Precisely.

Martha kicks up and knocks the gun out your hand, sending it flying into the woods. She stands back up and charges before you block a punch, grab the back of her head, and slam her face against a Tree trunk.

Y/N: Normally, I would try to get this over with quick and easy. But after seeing the depraved shit you and your family have been up to...I'm gonna take my time.

Martha throws her head back and headbutts you.

She kicks at you again before you grab her foot and throw her off balance, before grabbing your nightstick and swinging it hard into her back.

She scrambles on the ground to grab her shotgun. You swing with your nightstick and knock the barrel away before she can get a shot off. However, Martha kicks you in the crotch with her heel, causing you to double-over.

You barely have time to recover before she whacks you across the jaw with her shotgun, knocking you on your back.

Martha: Well...not today, Satan!

She fires a shotgun blast into your chest. 

Martha: Gonna send y'all back where you came from!

She goes back to rejoin her husband, believing that you are dead. Unknown to her, your hand starts twitching.

Cut to Martha and Ralphie having Blitzo and Millie tied up at the stake and ready to burn them.

Blitzo: God damnit Moxxie, Y/N had the perfect shot!

Martha: Satan! We return your FILTHY creatures back to the pits of Hell! May the root of evil remain honored as we continue thy WORK!

She tosses the torch and Blitzo and Millie are engulfed in flame, though it doesn't hurt them.

Blitzo: Yeah, that's not exactly how it works, lady. Sorry, your fire doesn't really hurt us, but I mean, I could fake it if that'll get your dick hard.

Martha: Oh. Shit. Well... I'll just shoot you in your smart-ass mouth!

Blitzo: That would be more effective.

Millie: (angrily) Blitzo!

Before Martha can fire, you jump out of the woods and land in front of Blitzo and Millie. The buckshot wound has completely healed and you are sporting a pair of Ram Horns.

Martha: What in-

You wordlessly grab her shotgun and freeze it solid before shattering it on ground. You then knock Martha to the ground with an uppercut.

Ralphie: Get away from my wife!

He shoots you, only for it to have no effect. You smirk at him and he attempts to punch you only for you to catch and break his fist.

As he cries out in pain, he grip his arm and freeze it solid, before also shattering it. He yells out in agony before retreating back to the house.

Y/N: Now where were we?

Martha: How the fuck are you still alive?!

She pulls out a handgun and points it at Millie.

Martha: Back off! She-

She's cut off as a gunshot rings out and her eye is blown out of her skull. You then rip her head off her corpse.

Millie: Moxxie!

Blitzo: You're not getting your fucking paycheck for this, Mox!

Moxxie unties them and nuzzles Millie while Blitzo faceplants. 

Blitzo: Oh yeah, don't worry about me! I'm fine!

Moxxie: I'm so sorry Sir, Y/N. I compromised the objective and put us in harm's way, It'll never happen again. 

Y/N: Apology accepted.

You hug him and whisper in his ear in a threateningly calm and collected manner.

Y/N: If it does, then I'm wearing your skull as a codpiece.

Blitzo: Alrighty, job well done, let's get off! Y/N, text Loona to open the portal.

Moxxie: Hold on, I have to get something I left at the house.

Blitzo: Fine, hurry up. BTW where'd the horns and ice powers come from, Y/N?

Y/N: I don't know, they appeared after she shot me.

Millie: Well, Sinners do tend to gain powers at some point, just look at the Overlords. Also, you look drop dead handsome with those horns.

Y/N: Thanks, I guess.

Moxxie returns while a portal to Hell opens.

Blitzo: There he is. Have a good wank-off session, Moxxie?

Moxxie: Excuse me?

Blitzo: Look, I don't care where you cum in the living world. Just come to your job on time, alright? See you at the office!

Millie: You doing okay, sweetie?

Moxxie: Better now, honey. I think I just needed a minute to process.

Millie: You have a good heart, honey. Just a fuzzy head!

You and Moxxie turn back to the house as the Police swarm Martha's house.

Cop: We got 'em, boys!

A Helicopter fires a missile and obliterates the house, killing Ralphie and the children.

Moxxie looks mortified while you stare nonchalantly.

Y/N: Huh, that was a little excessive but effective. Get moving, Moxxie.

You lead him through the portal while he still looks traumatized.

You walk back into the office and are immediately pulled into a tight hug by Loona.

Loona: Hey, how'd it go?

Y/N: Killed a bunch of serial killing Rednecks.

Loona: And what about the Ram horns?

Y/N: Honestly...no idea. I know that some Sinners get powers after they die, but I've been dead for five years. Seems kinda weird they'd show up now.

Loona: Either way...it's actually a pretty good look for you. (kisses your cheek)

Scene transitions to you, Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, Loona, and Maria celebrating your success with a Cake and a banner that says "Killed the Bitch". 

Moxxie looks dead inside. Loona is laying her head on your shoulder.

Millie: Did you all see my Mox Mox? He did it! Oh Moxxie!

Blitzo: Here to another mission accomplished and Moxxie learned not to fuck up. 

Millie: And killing people isn't that big a deal if they try to kill you back.

Maria: That's messed up. But I paid for it.

Everyone except Moxxie laughs.

Y/N: Fuck that family! Here's her head by the way. (You drop Martha's severed head on table)

A few minutes later.

Maria: You really did it, thank you.

Y/N: Part of the job, Ma'am.

Maria: I said you can call me Maria. Also where did those horns come from?

Y/N: Evidently, some Sinners can tap into some kind of power. I have a lot to learn with this.

Maria: I feel I should give you a proper thank you.

Y/N: A wh-

She gives you a seductive gaze and pushes you against the armrest of the couch, causing you to fall over it onto your back where Maria starts passionately making out with you.  Blitzo and Moxxie look surprised while Loona and Millie look jealous.

End of chapter. Next; Loo Loo Land