A/N: Credit to Renowned Wolf for helping me with this chapter revolving around the annoying fuckers.

The episode opens up to a shot of Heaven's golden gates. The gates open and "Cherub Towne" is shown. Cletus flies in front of the camera.

Cletus: Well, howdy! I'm Cletus! Welcome to ! Guess you did something good to get here, and good people deserve to give loved ones special blessin's!

The cherubs begin singing the C.H.E.R.U.B Jingle.

https://youtu.be/rAPGffE81lI

You shoot a Sub-Zero style Ice ball at the TV the commercial is playing on, destroying it and freezing it mid-explosion.

Millie: Good one, Y/N! (kisses your cheek)

Blitzo: (readying his gun) Put up another one, Mox.

Moxxie swipes the frozen debris away and sets up another TV and switches it to channel 666 news

Blitzo: Eh. Not feelin' not. Next.

Moxxie switches the channel. A demonically dressed Betty Boop appears in black and white, dancing erotically with prominent breasts, holding a pitchfork. You, Blitzo and Millie look bored.

Blitzo: Uh-huh. Keep going, keep going, keep goin'...

Moxxie switches the channel again. Wally Wackford appears on the screen dressed in white with a black top hat, holding a cane.

Wally Wackford: I say, I say! Are you lookin' to get work making crazy contraptions and goofy gadgets? WELL, call me at Wacky Wally Wackford's Wacky Idea Factory! Where you make the things and I make the money!

Wally appears close to the screen with a pleading face.

Wally: Please! I'm very desperate!

Blitzo: Bingo! (shoots the TV)

Millie: Woo! You two are on a roll!

Y/N: Who was that loser anyway?

Loona snores while sleeping in a chair. She has her foot up on the table and twitches it in her sleep. A shaking wakes her up and causes her cup to spill.

Loona: Guys... Do you feel that?

Blitzo: Oh, shit! Is that a hellshake?

Y/N: I doubt those are a thing.

Moxxie: Because they aren't.

Millie: Alright! Don't panic, Moxxie!

Moxxie: I'm not "panicking," because hellquakes don't happen.

Loona: (shaking him) STOP GETTING HYSTERICAL, FATTY! (she smacks Moxxie across the room)

Y/N: (grabbing Loona and Millie by their ears) Both of you quit fucking around!

Loona: Ow, Y/N that hurts!

Millie: And not in the way we like!

A/N: In all honesty, they were being pretty dumb in that scene and contributing to the Moxxie torture porn.

The wall of your office crumbles and a Supervillain demon enters. Loona growls on all fours.

???: Do not be afraid!

Blitzo: Please tell me you've got that Insurance thing.

Y/N: Who's this Waluigi Dr. Octopus knockoff?

Loopty slides along the black loops before he does a villainous pose between you.

Loopty: I am Loopty Goopty! [singsong voice] Dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopiiiiiish!

Loona: Coulda just used the door, dude. Doesn't need to be this whole thing.

Loopty: (invading Loona's personal space) I am eccentric, and must therefore do eccentric shit!

He does a wavy dance. Blitzo sniffs his ass and flinches.

Blitzo: Ugh! This old fuck reeks of the living world. Did you just die?

Loopty: YEEEEES! Moments ago, in fact! Which is what brought me HEEEERE!

Loona: Just sayin'... the front door would've gotten you here fine.

Loopty: Shut up, dear fur-

You grab his hand and twist it.

Y/N: You stay the fuck away from her!

Loopty: (pained) Yes. My apologies, sir!

Loona: (hugging you from behind) Thanks babe. (licks your cheek)

Loopy: [singsong voice] This is the man I'm gonna need you to kiiiill!

He holds up an old photo of an old bald man in a bed. Blitzo takes the photo from him.

Blitzo: Not even a shit's length of time in Hell and already plotting revenge. I can respect a man with that sort of passion! I'm Blitzo, the "O" is silent.

Loopty: What "O"?

Blitzo: Aww, thank you. Now what's the tea, sis?

Loopty: The TEAAAA?!

Moxxie: Guys! Help!

Blitzo: Yeah, why are we killing this guy? I mean, what did he do to you?

Moxxie: Loosing...ox...

Loopty: He was... my business partner! You see, I was not always an old man!

An old film montage in brown shades depict Loopty's early life.

Loopty: My partner Lyle and I ran Lyle-Loopty Robotics, a technological empire!

Lyle and Loopty pose with capes and spiral glasses on top of a tall building labeled "Lyle-Loopty Robotics". The building is surrounded by factories and columns spewing smoke.

Loopty Goopty: Earlier today, we were testing a new machine intended to stop, or reverse, the aging process!

The clips show Loopty putting wires together and Lyle tightening a bolt with a wrench. The two stand by a large white machine labeled "De-age-ifier."

Loopty: It could've saved all three trillionaires! Unfortunately, we neglected to test the machine on the poor, like we usually do. We were too sure of our own genius! But the machine was accidentally set FORWARD! By the time we managed to get out, it was too late! At least, for me!

Loopty and Lyle attempt to upon the door but soon begin rapidly aging, affecting their physiology and causes Loopty to become unnaturally skinny while Lyle gains weight. Loopty clutches at his chest before dying of a heart attack. Two paramedics rush in and lower their heads upon realizing that Loopty is already dead. The camera pans to show that Lyle is still alive as the paramedics place an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth.

Loopty: Now, that evil son of a bitch is going to take over the empire WE BUILT TOGETHER! Without me to share it with, he'll make all the god damn money in the world and become the fourth trillionaire, and get all the credit!

Scene cuts to Lyle laughing evilly as piles of money rain down on him.

Blitzo: Ehhh, that's not really evil.

Loopty: It's evil towards me!

Y/N: How? It honestly seems like it was just an accident.

Moxxie: Everything...is going...dark...

Loopty: Now, get your crimson and horned asses up above and send that heartless no-good son of a bitch to Hell, where he belongs!

Blitzo: Eh, y- y- y- You do know, Poopty--

Loopty: [seethes] Looooptyyyy!

Blitzo: [holds hands up defensively] Of course! Of course

Blitzo: (To Loopty) If we do kill him, though, and he ends up down here, y'know, you will be stuck with him. Forever.

Loopty: Oh, trust me...

Loopty summons an array of weapons with his metal tentacles: several guns, a launcher, and a circular saw blade.

Loopty: I'm counting on it!

Moxxie: That's kinda hot!

Everyone glances at Moxxie.

Scene cuts to the IMP sans Loona/Best Hellhound riding a tour bus. Blitzo is dressed as Blah Blah the Clown and has a Cat tail Puppet, Moxxie is dressed as an old-timey gentleman, Millie is wearing a blonde wig and straw hat, and you are in your human disguise.

Moxxie: [sarcastic] Gee! I wonder whose house this is?

Tour Guide: And to your right is the home of famous inventor, Lyle Lipton!

The crowd becomes distracted and snaps photos.

Blitzo: Let's do it, gang!

The four of you jump off the bus and draw your weapons.

Millie: Let's kill this rich guy!

Tour Guide: And here you'll find four tacky stalkers about to attempt a murder! Things like this could happen to famous people all the time!

The crowd clammers and takes photos. You turn back and throw an ice ball at the tour guide, freezing him solid.

Y/N: What a douche.

The four of you peer through a window, and see Lyle Lipton resting in his bed hooked up to an IV, looking absolutely miserable.

Moxxie: Wow... That machine really did a number on him.

Zooming in, Lyle kisses a picture in his hands.

Lyle: Goodbye... my one true love.

The picture in the frame consists of dollar bills and a "free stock photos" watermark on it.

Lyle: All the riches of the world can't fill the emptiness I'm feeling now that my shitty old body can't do anything of value.

Y/N: ...Why do I feel like two other versions of me have already brought up how he could've just gone back through the machine?

Blitzo: Oh, fantastic! He's gonna do our job for us!

Y/N: Well that's a first.

Lyle makes a noose out of an IV tube.

Moxxie: Should we go in there and tie it for him?

Lyle is about to put it over his head as the four of you watch with drinks and popcorn. The noose glows white and a force knocks you back. Blitzo's kitten sock flies away, causing him to tear up while you roll your eyes at him. Lyle adjusts to the light and sees the three Cherubs floating down gracefully in three rays of light.

The Cherubs consist of Cletus, the infant Cherub from before, and two Sheep Cherub named Collin and Keenie. Collin is a Blue Sheep and Keenie is a Yellow Sheep

Lyle: Oh lord, I'm being haunted by ugly orphan children now!

Blitzo: Who the fuck are they?

Y/N: Fuck it all! It's-

Cletus: Cherubs, Mr. Lyle!

Lyle: I hate filthy stinking orphan children!

Collin: We're here to convince you not to kill yourself, sir. To grant you a blessing, on behalf of those in Heaven benefited by your amazing technological advances.

Y/N: It's that easy to get into Heaven?! What kinda bullshit is that?!

Blitzo: Oh, HELL no!

Blitzo walks right through the window

Blitzo: Don't listen-

As to be expected, he falls right on the floor and just lays there. You kick the door open, which is only about five feet away from the window.

Moxxie: Lyle Lipton. It is our-

He glances over at Blitzo, who is still laying on the floor.

Moxxie: Humble opinion that you should continue the process to commit die.

Millie: Millie: I mean, what do you expect to do with all this money now you're old... and gross?

Keenie: Is that a serious question? He can help spread his wealth around with the people of the world! And do so much good with it! And be self-fulfilled!

Lyle: Nnnno!

Collin: He could pay for new hospitals and schools!

Y/N: You three don't know this guy, do you?

Lyle: Why won't you let me die?

Blitzo: Oh, sounds like you need help offin' yourself there, buddy. Moxxie, what do we got for this fella?

Moxxie tosses a variety of weapons to Blitzo and Lyle.

Moxxie: I have some assault weapons, crossbow, hunting bow, tommy gun, old-fashioned shotgun, revolvers in three colors, chainsaws, katanas--

During the start of this Blitzo is shown smiling, but at the end, he is shown to look outright concerned at the amount of weapons Moxxie is carrying.

Collin: He's classier than that!

Lyle points a rifle in his mouth that you handed him, before Collin takes it from him, causing you to glare at him

Collin: There are still plenty of reasons to live, Mr. Lyle!

Millie: Yeah, right. 

Y/N: He already smells like a decomposed corpse. Trust me, I almost got used to that stench in my line of work.

You and Millie both sniff Lyle before becomingly visibly sick. Millie pukes on the floor while you clamp a hand over your mouth and try not to vomit.

Cletus: Life can be beautiful at any age. 

 Keenie: And we'll show him. 

 CHERUB: Yay! 

 IMP: NOOOOO!

C.H.E.R.U.B. takes Lyle and his bed outside to a hill, overlooking a forest and a lake.

Cletus: Look around, Lyle. God's gift of nature is a wonder to behold, regardless of age! Or wealth!

Collin: If you were to end your life, you'd be missing all of this!

Blitzo appears in a tiger costume with standing next to him dressed as Bigfoot.

Blitzo: Mm-hm. You're gonna buy that load of shit from a baby and the sheep it fucks?

Y/N: HA!

Blitzo does a suggestive gesture with his fingers. Keenie covers her mouth and gasps. Collin blankly stares in the distance, and Cletus gives a disappointed look.

Keenie: [gasps] That is so inappropriate!

Millie and Moxxie appear in cat costumes. Millie flips the double bird while insulting Keenie.

Millie: Oh, kiss our ass, prude!

Y/N: If you want "inappropriate", then you should see the sextape Verosika made with me and Loona.

Blitzo: WHAT?!

Y/N: Stay focused! 

Blitzo: Right. (To Lyle) Anyway, take it from me, a fellow genius.

Y/N: You can barely read.

Blitzo: Nature is no picnic up close.

Lyle looks through the binoculars and sees a group of bunnies and squirrels together. The critters are suddenly torn apart and eaten by a pack of hungry wolves.

Lyle: Oh no!

Collin tries to pull the binoculars away but you grab them back and force Lyle to keep looking.

Collin: S-s-stop looking!

Lyle: I can't stop! I've never wanted to die more than I do now!

A bear swipes a wolf to the ground and raises a paw to attack. The bear is then crushed by a falling tree, cut up by a beefy logger with a chainsaw. A beehive lands on the man's head and he screams. Both his arms are chopped off by the chainsaw and his body is skewered by a charging stag as lighting flashes.

Lyle and Collin freeze in horror. Blitzo pretends to be horrified before grinning smugly.

Cletus: [nervously] Let's go check out someplace else!

You, Moxxie, and Millie do a three way first bump.

Scene cuts to a shopping mall. Lyle, in his bed, is pushed through a wall.

Lyle: Oh, Lord. Where are we now?! Let me perish!!!

Keenie: We're here to show you another thing life is worth living for: childhood wonderment!

Keenie motions to a crowd of kids cheering by a sitting Santa Claus. One kid wears a "Craft Mine" shirt, while another eats his booger.

Lyle: Why, look at those sweet, disease-ridden vermin. Their joy comes from innocence, unspoiled by the burdens of adulthood... and their middle-class existence. Such simple joy they have. It is inspiring. Thank you for showing me this.

Blitzo: [offscreen] Hey, dipshit!

Camera pans to show Blitzo is dressed in a Santa suit, Moxxie is a Reindeer, Millie is an Elf, and you are Krampus. 

Millie: (to you) I've been a naughty girl this year.

Y/N: Daddy will punish you later.

Blitzo: Wanna see whose lap you're sittin' on?

You pull the Santa costume off, revealing the person underneath to be a Pedophile Gnome.

Cuties Fan: Woo!

The kids all scream in terror. Collin and Keenie watch in disturbed shock while Lyle sobs like a baby, causing them to frantically cover his eyes

Boy: [off-screen] Santa's EVIL!!

Y/N: (Putting your hand on the Pedo's shoulder) Hey, you and I need to have a word.

You punch him in the face, knocking him to the ground, before you start ruthlessly beating him with your birch rod props, leaving him a bloody and broken mess while the kids cheer.

Scene cuts to Lyle in bed in the woods next to a wooden sign reading "Lover's Lookout, I guess..."

You and the rest of IMP are standing out of sight of him and the Cherubs. 

You're dressed in a Letterman Jacket and have your hair geled. Blitzo and Moxxie are cross-drossing while Millie is wearing a dress and has her hair tied in a pony tail with a bow.

Lyle: Eh! This place reeks of TEENAGERS!

Y/N: (scowling) Reminds me of my first date with my ex-fiancee.

Millie: I can give you a new memory. (she leads you behind some bushes)

Cletus: Lovers' Lookout, sir! We're here to remind you about possibly life's greatest joy of all!

Lyle: [holds up creepy grabby hands] Money!

Collin: No! Love.

Lyle: I've never been in love before. I imagine it's quite nice!

Collin: It's not too late, sir! You can still find-

A/N: Stop lying to him, ya little shit.

Blitzo: Ha! Nice try, ugly. (pulls out megaphone) Hey, horny lovers! Which one of you would fuck this old man?!

Every car peels away while Lyle looks dejected.

Collin: You are so utterly c-c-cruel! We're just trying to give hope to someone in need! Wait. Weren't there four of you?

You and Millie return to the group, with you fixing your belt and Millie wiping off her mouth.

Moxxie: Oh, and you three are so superior to us just because WE want some selfish, greedy, authoritarian capitalist to keel over DEAD!

Blitzo: You're makin' things too real now, Moxxie.

Blitzo sprays Moxxie in the face with a bottle labeled as "Piss", causing him to hiss and recoil in disgust.

Scene cuts to a woman dressed as a Viking singing opera at an auditorium while wearing a fake unicorn floatie. A well-dressed man plays a piano. The Cherubs and Lyle watch from the audience.

Cletus: Behold! The wonder of art and music! Something always here to comfort...entertain...and live for!

Camera pans to you, Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie in the scaffolding. 

Millie: So...how do we make this bad?

Moxxie: We can't. There's literally nothing bad about opera. That's fact.

Y/N: That's debatable.

Blitzo: [shaking his butt in Moxxie's face] Unless we ruin it somehow.

Blitzo begins to manipulate the stage lights, causing the Opera Singer to abruptly stop singing and move back under the light several times.

Lyle: She's not very good.

Blitzo chuckles while you, Moxxie, and Millie lean in grinning sadistically.

The rope eventually snaps and he drops the light, causing it to crush the Opera Singer. The Cherubs, Lyle, and the Audience scream in horror while the piano player nervously adjusts his collar and starts playing a new song.

Y/N: Oh SHIT!

Blitzo: Well, at least we made it bad.

Cletus: THAT'S IT!! I HAVE HAD IT!! You four monsters have messed with us enough!

Collin: D'ooh, we're just trying to do our j-j-job!

Y/N: So are we, fuckstain!

Cletus: ENOUGH!!

The Cherubs summon golden crossbows and aim them you.

Cletus: We are savin' that SHITTY OLD MAN'S life, whether he wants it or not!

Blitzo: Well, someone wants that fucker dead! Okay? And he paid in advance, and I spent it all on this.

Y/N: You what?!

Blitzo: So he's gotta go!

Keenie: You all are such disgusting, loathsome beasts! Your kind is nothing but dirt that shitty dead people tread on! And now, you're trying to meddle with the lives of HUMANS?!

Y/N: (getting in Keenie's face) So are you! Also you're all ones to talk! Where were you when Mrs. Mayberry's husband cheated on her?! Where were you when Martha and her family were killing and EATING people?! Where were you for all the victims I've seen in my life?!

CHERUB: Uhhhh...

Millie: And where were you when Y/N was framed?!

CHERUB: What?

Millie: He upheld the law!

Moxxie: Putting away Criminals you did nothing about!

Blitzo: And he was framed by his crooked piece of shit partner and sent to prison!

Y/N: Yet you bend over backwards for Lyle fucking Lipton.

CHERUB: Uhh, err... We... uhh...

Y/N: To think you call us dirt, at least we acknowledge what assholes we are.

Keenie: Hey-

Millie: (getting in Keenie's face) Why don't you shut your trap you judgmental, cotton candy, tit-having bitch?!

Keenie: ...FILTHY DEMON CRAP!

She tackles Millie to the ground and the two of them start exchanging blows. Cletus and Collin start firing at you, Blitzo, and Moxxie with their crossbows. 

You fire back with razor sharp ice projectiles and see Keenie and Millie fall off the catwalk.

Y/N: (To Moxxie) Help Millie. Blitzo has Cletus and I've got this bitch boy.

Moxxie runs off to help Millie while you turn to Collin.

Y/N: I'm making Lamb Rack out of you.

Collin: You-

Y/N: You want to know something weird? I actually know THE princess of Hell. I made love with her. And yet despite being the literal daughter of Lucifer, she's more of an angel than any of one glorified sex toys.

Collin: I...you...she-

Y/N: Let me ask you something; does the Yellow one peg you?

Collin: EW!

Y/N: Gotcha!

You freeze his wings, causing him to fall to the Catwalk before you knock him out with a roundhouse kick.

Moxxie and Millie are shown making out while shooting at Keenie. However, this only kills several audience members. 

Lyle: It's all starting to make sense now. Life is worth living because we only get one. We must cherish it. If creatures far beyond this living world are going through these lengths over my life, then certainly it's worth living! Killing myself is not the answer. Plus...I'm still rich! I can just buy all the things! I NO LONGER CRAVE DEATH!

The remaining audience members clap before another stray bullet strikes and kills another one.

Blitzo comes face to face with Cletus, and upon realizing that his gun is empty, simply chucks it in his face.

Cletus: Oh! You fucker!

He fires a stray arrow, causing a section of the catwalk to collapse onto the stage. Moxxie, Millie, and Blitzo end up tied together on the stage while a rope snags around your foot and causes you to hang upside down. The piano player grabs his bench and jumps off a damaged plank, causing his piano to fly through the air and crash down on Lyle, killing him.

Moxxie: Well, well. Would'ya look at that? You... did our job... for us. Heh!

You and Millie both give the Cherubs smug grins and flip them off.

Collin: Ohhhh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my Gooood!

Keenie slaps Collin across the face.

Keenie: Get a hold of yourself, Collin! And do NOT use the Lord's name in vain!

Cletus: THIS...ISN'T OVER!

You smirk as Keenie creates a portal to Heaven and the cherubs fly through, only to be repelled back.

Cletus: WHAT THE--?!

A group of cherubs descends, two bees, two sheep and their leader, Deerie. She conjures up reading glasses and a clipboard.

Deerie: Mmm, yeah, no, sorry, Cletus, but I'm afraid your actions resulted in the death of a human. I'm afraid you can't re-enter Heaven. Yeaaaah, noooo...

Cletus, Collin, & Keenie: WHAT?!?!

Deerie: Yeaaaah, mmmmm, sorry! Yeaaaah, no...

Collin: Is there...anything we can do?!

Deerie files her hoof.

Deerie: Yeaaaah, nooo! [chuckles] Oh noooo, no, no.

Keenie: (On the verge of tears) Bu- But we didn't mean to! We'd never! It was all--

Keenie points to the spot where you and the others were, only to see that the four of you have vanished. She, Cletus, and Collin stare in horror.

Deerie: Anyway, sorry, guys. But those are the rules! Yeaaaaah. Byyyye!

Deerie does a happy wave before she and the group vanish through the portal.

Cletus: Wait! But--

Cletus flies toward the portal but it closes. Cletus breaks down into tears and cries.

Back in Hell. Blitzo is monologuing while Loona is sitting on your lap.

Blitzo: Welp, the old man wanted to live again and we didn't kill him, so we failed. Thanks to those fuckin' cherubs, he's probably up in Heaven now, so... it's a shame. All our client wanted was eternal revenge on his business partner. And now the two are forever separated. And now, we gotta face the fire of fuckin' up.

Moxxie: Sir... when are you going to tell the client?

Blitzo: Oh, I already sent him a text, and... we're in good hands, 'cause texts don't make people angry.

On Blitzo's phone it shows that Loopty Goopty is called "Lupis" in his contacts. The text from Loopty reads "U fail, U die.", followed with Blitzo replying "sorry" surrounded by emojis, with "saxophone emoji" typed a line below.

Moxxie looks to the wall behind him. A metal escalator proceeds to crash into the office as he scurries out of the way.

Loopty: BLIIIIIITZO!

Blitzo: Loofaaaaa! We can explain everything. I was--...

Another rumbling sound occurs and Moxxie jumps out of his seat to avoid being squashed by another metal escalator that Lyle Lipton descends.

Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie: Lyle Lipton?!

Millie: I don't understand. We thought you went to Heaven.

Y/N: No shit he's in Hell, I saw that coming from a mile away.

Lyle: [scoffs] Heaven?! You don't make millions in technological advances in robotics by NOT experimenting on the poor!

Loopty: Oh, you no good heartless son of a bitch! Thank you for reuniting me with my best friend!

Lyle: The only question now is what do two old genius robotic inventors do now that we're in Hell?

Wally Wackford crashes through the ceiling.

Wally: Did someone say, I say, inventors?! Name's Wally Wackford, and I am lookin' for creative new people to exploit! I mean, employ~

Y/N: Where the fuck did you come from?!

Blitzo: Everyone, STOP FUCKIN' UP MY WALLS! Moxxie and Y/N are gonna have to fix all this shit!

You slap Blitzo senseless and he passes out on the floor. You then turn to Loopty, Lyle, and Wally.

Y/N: You three, get out.

Wally: Well, I say I s-

You create a sword of ice and swing it so fast that no one sees you cut off Wally's mustache.

Y/N: I mean it. Get the FUCK OUT!

Cut to the Goetia Mansion where Stella is meeting with two assassins in her study. One of them is Striker and the other is a male Sinner who's standing in the shadows.

Stella: I understand why you toke this contract, Striker. You have access to angelic weaponry. But what about your associate? I still don't understand why you asked for a seal that permits you to travel between the rings.

Striker: I'll let Jordan do the talking.

The Sinner lights up a cigar.

Jordan: If we're going after your husband at some ceremony, chances are he'll bring IMP with him. And that means they'll bring their newest member; the asshole who calls himself "Bad Cop".

Stella: And what is your vendetta with him?

Jordan: ...We used to be partners.

End of Chapter. Next; Harvest Moon Festival.