Alternative title: Odal/Pi tries to write comedy, and fails miserably.

Thanks for the inspiration, Wickitywackity and Nightmare761! Go blame them!

Cleo woke up to Entropy giving her half-a-dozen messages from Cub and Scar, asking where she was. They'd summoned all the hermits to the shopping district, and she was one of the last ones to show up. She dragged herself out of bed, and into the midsummer sunlight.

A few moments later, skin literally on fire, she went back inside and got her umbrella. Usually going out in the daytime was fine for Cleo, but around the solstice she'd burn like any other zombie. And tomorrow was midsummer's day.

Hey, Thefantasygaming, can you pass me another roll of Duck Tape? Mine's vanished...

Anyway! One hour time skip!

Cleo made her way into the shopping district, umbrella over her shoulder and hair lightly burning. ConCorp had set up some kind of makeshift stage, and Scar waved as she came over. Cub had a list, and pointed out an item on it to Scar. Scar muttered something to Cub, who nodded, an expression of mild irritation visible on his face. He waved his hand, and Vex-blue flames shot to his and Cub's throats. Cub turned, and Scar nodded.

"Okay. Since Evil X is... Vex, that's loud." Scar spoke, his voice massively amplified by whatever spell he had just cast. "Cub, can we turn it down a bit? Anyway, since Evil X seems to not be coming, let's start."

"We challenge all the hermits to try and beat us in a little competition." Cub joined in, wincing as his voice was insanely loud as well. "We promise not to use any magic, except if someone takes it too far and loses consciousness. Because the competition is this. Who can hold their breath the longest underwater?"

"And, may I add, you have to participate." Scar spoke. "Now can I dismiss this spell? My ears are ringing." Cub laughed, nodding, and Scar waved his hand, which glowed blue for a second, and Cub's laughter fell down to a normal human volume.

Okay, and if I push that button... what was that? Nevermind, it's probably nothing. Here, have a Time Skip, I guess.

They stood on the device the Vex had developed to ensure a fair start. It was shaded, so Cleo wouldn't burn, and Cub and Scar had set up an antimagic zone. When Cub had asked Scar how he had thought of the idea, Scar had just hugged Cub, crying.

Cub pressed the button, and with a strange bit zero-tick glitch trickery, the floor fell out from beneath everyone at once. As they hit the water, they realised that it was probably a bad idea to involve Doc in this, What with the waterproof casing on his eye being damaged. Screaming in pain as his eye short-circuited, he swam desperately to the surface, taking last place.

Scar was next, as the corruption from the amplification chose that moment to strike. The slight blush to his face from the shock of hitting the water turned a bright blue. The magic coursed though his veins, changing his very blood. In shock, he opened his mouth to gasp, swallowing an inordinate amount of seawater, and floated to the surface.

One by one, the hermits gave up, or accidentally tried to breathe in. Except for Jevin, who in fact had dissolved. Soon, only Python, Ren and Cleo were left. As fourth place, False, swam to the surface, the three looked between each other. There could only be one winner.

Python was looking kind of ill, his movements slowed. Ren's fingers had turned blue from lack of oxygen, but he was soldiering through. Cleo? She was taking this all in stride. The other hermits didn't know this, but since she was undead, breathing was kind of unnecessary.

Python suddenly looked as if he couldn't take it anymore, and thrust himself towards the surface, passing out as he breached it. It was just Ren and Cleo then. Cleo considered doing the nice thing, pretending to give up, but the water was nice and cold, and she wasn't burning down here. If Ren could last a little longer, she'd let him win.

Another minute in, the signs of oxygen deprivation left Ren's skin blue, and had he been on the surface his eyes would have been visibly watering. Cleo swam over to him, as his mouth opened, and he slumped forward, unconscious. Cleo grabbed him and dragged him to the surface, thrusting him out ahead of her, ensuring she was still underwater.

Only once Cub came to help the unconscious Ren did she breach the surface and start 'breathing', per se, again.

There will be a Part Two, detailing the events of the second reply. Now back to fixing the Plot Devices!

This has been Pi, and I'll see you all at some point in the future!