Once upon a time, there lived an old hag called Peanut. (Let's just refer to her as 'The old lady.') She had warts on her face, warts on her thumbs and warts in and on her hair. This old lady for some reason needed to use the toilet multiple times a day, but one day her toilet pipes got blocked. So she called the city's best plumber, He-Man. He-Man arrived at the old ladies house on his magical tiger, Battle Cat. He got out his plunger, raised it in the air and said: "I have, THE PLUNGER!" He then dug his mouldy, scuffed plunger into the toilet, pulling out a dirty nappy. "Aha! So that's why the toilet was blocked!" Cried He-Man in triumph. You see, it was blocked because the old lady's neighbours who lived next door had a son called Windy Wilfred. And you see, Windy Wilfred was in a secret baby service called the 'Secret Baby Service' and they liked to stuff their faces with sweets and cakes all day. Earlier that day, they arranged for Wilfred to break into the old lady's house spy-style. So he broke into her house, with Johnny English music playing. But all of a sudden the elephant-sized stereo he was carrying exploded. So he had to continue breaking in without the music, which ruined the awesome-spy exterior. He then ducked into her bathroom, pulled off his nappy he was wearing and stuffed it down the old lady's toilet. But it wouldn't go down her toilet properly, so, he got the old lady's pet stick, Stick (which the old lady used to chase people away from her house like a lunatic with) and tried to viscously poke his nappy further down into the loo. But it still wouldn't work! So he reached up, and flushed the toilet, watching his nappy swirl away down into the loo, blocking it. The old lady at that time was having a bath. But by flushing the toilet, Wilfred had caused the old lady's water to get sucked down the plug hole of the bath, taking her with it. Half of her was sucked down, the other half sticking up. So she got the secret chainsaw that she kept in her stomach, cut around the plug hole and freed herself. She then crept down the stairs, and into her posh, pale pink parlour to see Wilfred pigging out on her Hobnobs. The old lady then grew very angry indeed and cut off Wilfred's head. Anyway, back to He-Man unblocking her toilet, well, when He-Man was done, he pulled the nappy up and accidentally flung it in the air, it landed with a splat on The Queen of England's face, who was for some unknown reason in the old lady's house at that time, stealing the old lady's hobnobs and pants. The Queen then got mad and got out her iPhone 6 and called President Obama. The Queen and Obama were good friends, so she told him what had happened and he said he would send the FBI over to arrest all the people in the house. The FBI got there about 7 hours afterwards, arguing about why sunglasses didn't come in the shape of curtains. They then stormed into the house, took out their playing cards and feasted on the old lady's hobnobs. He-Man then found the dead corpse of Wilfred who just so happened to be his son. He then went berserk and lifted his plunger up in the air, saying: "BY THE POWER OF PLUNGER, I will now eat pancakes!" He then started chasing the old lady who was chasing The Queen. They ran around in the old lady's garden like Tom and Jerry. Obama then decided to visit his best pal, The Queen. When he arrived at the old lady's house, he saw one of his best friends (The Queen) being chased by a psycho lady with a chainsaw that looked like she was on drugs, followed by a muscled man, with short, girly blonde hair and a plunger-sword. So, he just ignored them. He then joined the FBI eating hobnobs and playing solitaire.

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The old lady managed to kill both The Queen and He-Man. She then came into her house to see Obama popping the last hobnob crumb into his mouth. She then cried, "NOOOO!" And tried to get to the crumb, but was beaten by Obama who popped it into his mouth. She then got out her chainsaw and was about to slice Obama up but was stopped by the FBI. "I'm sorry, Ma'am but you can't do that." Said one of the FBI, holding his loaded pistol that smelled of cologne in her face. But it turns out that the old lady was related to Charles Xavior (is that how you spell his last name?) and used a telepathy wall to block off the bullets that the FBI shot at her. The bullets penetrated through their skin and killed them. She then killed Obama and decided to go to her secret hobnob stash that she kept behind a bookshelf in her room. But it turns out that Prince Charles was stalking his mother, so he followed her into the house and found the old lady's secret hobnob stash. He then stuffed his face with hobnobs until the old lady found him and killed him. She then pigged out on the rest of the hobnobs and blew up because Adolf Hitler threw a bomb in her house, killing her. Then no one lived happily ever after.

The End.