The gym was stuffy in the late June heat. The seniors sat on risers along the inside wall, so we only got to see distant glimpses of hair blowing in a warm summer breeze that slipped in from the propped back doors. I had already outgrown this once comforting place. I wondered if that was the point of a commencement ceremony, lulling people out with tedium. If that was the goal, they nailed it in Willsden.

I searched the crowd for familiar faces. My parents were chatting with the Sommers. A few rows in front of them, the Bennis family sat. Mr. Bennis was attempting to keep Sammy from what looked to be an epic meltdown. I didn't bother to fight my smile. As frustrating as it was for his parents, I welcomed Sammy's emotion, wishing I could have a meltdown myself.

The dullness of the programming seemed to drag on endlessly. Teachers and administrators giving the same empty calls for greatness they gave each year, with students pretending the same revelations on growing up and growing out were a profound discovery only they could comprehend. My joints tingled with the desire to bolt from the scene. I was confident Sammy would join me, escaping to the playground down the hill. Sammy had more thoughtful ideas on growing up than anyone in the room. I was so enamored with my daydream that I didn't notice when the march began. I feigned wiping tears from my face as though melancholy contemplation of the closing chapter had distracted me.

My classmates and I trudged along as Principal Meyers read out names one by one, each as familiar as my own. I cheered when I heard Sarah's name and laughed, hearing Sammy's whoop above the polite claps. I heard him again when I accepted my diploma. When Jacob's name came, there was a noticeable silence from Sammy. Although no one got the round of applause that Robbie Zimmerman received. I suspected it was because he was last, and the applause expected the whole thing being done.

As I marched out the backdoors towards the parking lot with my classmates, I calculated how long until I'd be back in my air-conditioned basement, putting on shorts. There was the photo on the football field bleachers where I had first met Sarah. Then the obligatory lingering in the parking lot chatting with classmates, parents, and teachers. Then six minutes home. By my calculations, it would be thirty-nine minutes until I was in my room.

I entered my room thirty-eight minutes later and ripped off the cheap plastic-feeling robe. I flopped to my bed with a sigh, exhausted from the entire day already with all of Project Grad ahead of me. It was just another night with Sarah; I soothed to myself. Everyone around me would be in a constant state of reminiscing over all the comfort they'd never have again. My face would grow tired from keeping my mournful expression in check, but I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I wouldn't miss the lunchroom pod, or the excessively greasy cafeteria pizza, or the squeak of the lock on my locker followed by the clang of its door as it popped open. I was looking forward to college and getting to focus my studies on topics that interested me. Plus, in New Hampshire, I'd be one hour from Conner in Massachusetts and Danny in Maine. I'd miss Sarah. New York City was not far, but was a world away compared to an hour. Still, I was confident we'd always stay close.

I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew, my mom bustled into my room, recommending a sweater in case part of the evening was outside. She apologized for the startle before hustling out again. I pulled myself from the bed the same way I landed on it with a gigantic sigh and threw on a pair of jeans before grabbing Danny's sweatshirt on my way out the door. I flopped it over my shoulder, unable to avoid the rush of his scent and miss him, wishing I were spending the evening with him. A small group, Conner, Danny, Sarah, Sean, and me, would be so much more fun. But this was one of those milestones that you attend. It's like prom; as much as everyone despises it, no one wants to regret not going either. Although I'd never regret time with Danny or Conner.

Project grad always started the same; the graduating class piled into yellow Willsden school buses and drove around town. Everyone gathered on their lawns to clap and cheer. Each year, I had stood on Jacob's lawn and cheered with him. Now, as we started our tour, I caught his eyes a few seats behind me. He gave me a warm beam before turning back to his friends with a howl. Sarah and I had a far less enthusiastic window. We smiled and waved at first, but soon grew bored with it all. Aside from when we passed Sammy, we spent the latter part of the parade slumped in our seats, listening to everyone around us cheer. Sarah lamented they must be doing multiple laps because Willsden was not big enough to take this long. Finally, we pulled onto the highway.

We switched from the school buses to charters at a nearby rest stop and learned our destination of Boston for an overnight harbor cruise. Sarah made a snarky comment about removing all possibilities for escape while my thoughts drifted elsewhere to Conner and Danny, wondering how brunch went and what they were doing. Did they spend typical Sunday afternoons in a mix of smoking, pickup basketball, and video games? I fought the urge to call them, afraid Danny wouldn't answer, or worse, Conner would. I shook the thoughts from my brain and pushed myself to be present; this was my last high school function. Sarah sighed as she flopped her head down on my shoulder, equally exhausted from the effort.

Sarah and I did what we do best when we got on the boat, found a private nook, and set up shop for the cruise. Most everyone was on the main deck where a DJ played. Sarah and I were happy with our space; it had a couple of tables with chairs around them and was tucked away so only a few people stumbled across them. When they did, they mumbled some polite greetings and small talk before drifting away. As the sun dropped, even fewer ventured our way. I was happy to hug myself in Danny's hoodie and enjoy the darkening wake of the boat.

"I wish I had thought to bring one of Sean's sweatshirts." Sarah envied my comfort.

"Yeah," I was absent, though. The sweatshirt wasn't Conner's; Danny's sweatshirt warmed me. I tried to soothe myself that I didn't have one of Conner's.

"So, are you going to fill me in?" Sarah was obtusely pushing.

I shifted as though I were physically uncomfortable when, really, I just wanted distance from the conversation.

"Oh, come on, give me something," Sarah complained.

"Things are new." It wouldn't be enough, but it had to be.

At that moment, Jacob slid out the door to the deck.

"Hey," I said with a little too much relieved excitement for Sarah's liking.

"Hey, I was wondering where you were hiding." His eyes fell to the bracelet still on my wrist, and his smile grew wider. "I wanted to see if you'd be interested in one last dance?" His confidence faltered for a moment before he added, "you know, for old times' sake."

The dance was more appealing than continuing my conversation with Sarah, so I eagerly accepted.

Jacob and I chatted pleasantly like the old friends we were as we made our way to the main deck and perched on a couple of vacant stools at the bar. I looked around at the cluster dancing beneath the stars. For the first time, I felt an honest pang of nostalgia. I averted my eyes back to my soda, but they caught Jacob's instead. He gave a knowing smile and rubbed a soothing hand over my shoulder as the music switched to a slow song.

"I think this is our queue," Jacob popped from his stool.

I let him lift me from my stool and set me on the ground before leading me to the dance floor.

One thing was always true about Jacob; he knew how to dance. There were no awkwardly stiff arms with sweaty palms on my hips or monotonous waddle back and forth in the same tight circle. Jacob softly placed a confident hand on the small of my back and pulled me in tightly as he held his free hand up with a V. I let my hand hang on his as he enfolded mine and pulled it close. I always loved how he would let the back of my hand rest on his chest when we dance. It allowed me to feel his heartbeat to the rhythm of the music. I rested my head on his shoulder and breathed in his familiar scent. It was easy to decide then that being friends with Jacob was much better than hating him.

The song ended too soon for my liking and switched to an irritatingly pounding beat. We parted as he gave me a gentle kiss on my cheek and let me slip from his arms. The crowd stole him after only a few paces. I didn't head straight back to the deck where I knew Sarah would be. Instead, I meandered a few of the silent corridors. My mind slipped to Conner and Danny. I kept inverting them, longing for each of them when I should think of only Conner. Conner, the most gorgeous boy I had ever seen, the one that was always there when I needed him. Nevertheless, there was the tugging to Danny: the sound of his voice as he was drifting off to sleep and the vibrant eyes that could reveal his thoughts by just the slightest change in their shade.