It was early enough that people were still outside enjoying the last of the late June sun. Most were smoking on the porch but spread out on the hood of a beat-up old red Saab were Conner and another guy I didn't recognize. From what I could see, he was mainly erratic black hair that blended in with his all-black clothes.

"Who is that with Conner?" I didn't say it to anyone, just out loud to the world.

"That's Sean." Sarah's curt tone signaled her internal thoughts were clearly calling me a shut-in. "No sign of Danny or Lily."

Irritation washed over me. I know this was the first of many times Sarah would find to couple their names together to elicit a reaction from me. If I reacted, if I told Sarah it was killing me, Sarah would melt to my supportive friend, but admitting it seemed too high a price. I couldn't risk losing all of Danny.

The sound of our doors slamming made a few people look our way.

"No, shit. You got her out of the basement!" Conner shouted as he popped up on an elbow.

"Who's that?" Sean asked, cutting off the word 'that' with a unique cadence.

I strained to hear, but couldn't make out Conner's response. A mischievous smile spread across Sean's face. It wasn't a nefarious smile; it was playful and made his eyebrows lift to peaks of tiny mountains while his cheeks, still fleshy with youth, plumped even more and little crinkles formed beneath his eyes. But his lips; I couldn't stop staring at them. They were two pillows asking me to poke them. When we drew closer, I noticed he was wearing eyeliner and had chipped pink nail polish. Immediately, I loved everything about this person.

As though Sarah could hear my thoughts, she murmured "dibs" as she went straight to his side and gave a very friendly kiss to him. This was the boy that was going to make Sarah's evening unforgettable. A stab of loneliness punctured me, deflating the small amount of muster I had gathered from my lip gloss. But just looking at Sean, he screamed, perfect for Sarah.

"Hello, Sarah's best friend, Emma," he smiled between kisses from Sarah. He had a flirtatious flow and batted enviable eyelashes.

"Hello, boy-that-Sarah-has-never-mentioned." I tried to match his cadence but couldn't do it justice.

"What?" He clutched his heart and slid to the pavement. "Sarah, I don't even get a poolside mention?" Sarah had not been as tight-lipped about me.

"Sorry, babe, so many boys, so little time." She shrugged, resulting in a groan from his spot on the pavement. "How can I make it up to you?" She held out her hands, pulling him up.

"I can only think of one thing." He brought a hand up to her chin and let his thumb press on her lower lip, pulling it down a bit before it broke free and snapped back into place.

"High price," she absently spoke as she pulled the lip gloss tube from her purse and handed it to him.

He rewarded her with the starlight smile of a child on Christmas as he swiped the color on in the side mirror.

"This color is hot, babe." He smacked his beautiful lips at her before turning his attention to me, but it wasn't heavy. It was a soft focus that felt somehow reassuring. "Troikas," he smiled, holding up three fingers.

"I'm in love with this man." My words just came out of nowhere and caused an immediate heat to flush my cheeks.

I wanted to be near him and couldn't imagine anyone not being immediately drawn into his orbit. It was an instant feeling of friends, plutonic; I longed to feel this for Danny.

"Sorry, Em; some things a girl won't share." As Sarah spoke, Sean wrapped his arms around and nuzzled into Sarah's neck.

I couldn't stop thinking that some girls didn't get to choose if they share or not.

"Aw, babe, you don't want less love. More love." He kissed her between his words. "But I'll keep everything else for you."

He was perfect in every way. It was worth crawling out of my basement just to meet him. I had never seen Sarah this happy.

Conner slid from the hood. "I need not be near..." he paused for a moment, presumably to decide if he wanted to be friendly or not, "the lovebirds." He opted for not as he climbed the deck stairs to the house.

Sean called after him as he chased Conner up the stairs.

"How did you keep him a secret?" I poked Sarah in the side with my elbow.

"I don't know. He's unreal. I was a little afraid that if I told you, I'd wake up, and he'd be gone." She shyly smiled. Sarah had met a boy that made her shy. "Do you like him? I know he's a little weird."

"Oh, he's a lot weird, but that's what makes him so perfect. I mean, I just met him, and I don't think I have ever met anyone that's so..." I lost my words. "I don't know; he's just so!"

"You approve?" Sarah's eyes widened in anticipation.

"Of course, I approve!"

"Good," she gave me a wink before adding, "because I have some lip gloss to wear off."

There weren't many people at the party yet, which was good for my social anxiety. One of them was Kyle, which was terrible for my social anxiety. I escaped outside and leaned against the same Saab Conner and Sean had been holding down. There were still a few people on the deck, but they didn't seem bothered by me. I settled into watching as the sun set slowly over the horizon, wishing I was back on the beach with Danny. The happiness for Sarah and Sean faded into a lonely hangover. I had been hiding and using Danny as my blanket. Part of me, and I was unwilling to think how big a part, never wanted another relationship again. I had been miserable with Jacob; fake smiles, artificial conversations, bogus friends. The whole thing was false. Just thinking about it caused a cold shadow to creep into my mind, sending a shiver through my body.

Conner approached quietly; as usual, his cologne arrived first. The earthy scent of cedar and nutmeg mixed with his cigarettes' sticky smell and floated to me on the edge of a warm breeze. He said nothing, just gave me a slight tip of only one side of his mouth. He slid back on the hood with a jostle of the car. I continued to focus on the sunset, although I wanted desperately to look behind me at him. Sometimes, quiet times are deafening and lonely. A tug on the back of my shirt called me to him. It was inevitable. I just needed the slightest tinge of suggestion, and there it was. It was wrong, but I needed to be near someone. We didn't even share a glance. We just stared up at the darkening sky, unwilling to break the silence. Instead, his hand softly skimmed against the back of mine as a silent apology I couldn't refuse.

Danny snapped us back to earth with a loud rap on the hood. "There's my girl!"

It took a moment for me to shake the silence, but Danny didn't seem to notice, and when I focused on him, he chased the pensive cobwebs away. I slid down the hood into his arms.

"Tour?" Danny offered. "Those green things over there; trees. Not to be confused with the green stuff on the ground. That's grass. You may get them confused at first, but just think of grass as the outside's carpet and trees are the walls."

"Funny, Danny. Way to feed into the shut-in perception." I batted his arm as we walked. My smile stretched embarrassingly and painfully wide.

"Emma, I love you more than anything, but your shut-in tendencies are not a perception."

Each step left Conner further and further behind. The growing distance made each pace heavy. Danny introduced me around until we settled on a couch with Lily. He was familiar, too much for my liking. He was still giving with a touch or even a kiss to my temple, but something split his attention. With Lily on his other side, we were each getting stained with every touch or kiss from him. I didn't dare look at Lily, too afraid of who was the sidepiece. Within an hour, Danny had put a noticeable dent in a bottle of tequila and left with Lily to smoke up. My eyes trailed after them as they climbed the stairs hand-in-hand, sharing a giggle between them. Hurt consumed me, intoxicating me more than any drink or drug could attempt.

I had to shake them from my mind, so I stumbled outside for fresh air. People and cigarette smoke crowded the deck. I snaked through them to escape and leaned against the Saab from earlier.

"So, you and Danny..." I jumped as Conner spoke from the darkness. He took a long drag from his cigarette as he looked sideways at me. "How's friendship going?"

I winced at 'friendship.' He let out a little laugh that enraged me. He effortlessly filled me with fury.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because you still think you're just friends." Without pausing, he walked away from me, tossing the butt away as carelessly as he treated me.

I watched him pace away before reluctantly following the tug of his wake.

"There's the princess." I didn't have to look to know it was Kyle's nauseatingly toying tone. His entire disposition made my skin crawl, and Conner just continued to pace away from me, deeper into the house. "Hey, princess- you want a drink?"

I didn't drink; I never had, but that's not what came out of my mouth. At that moment, I wanted to let go. I wanted everyone to stop looking at me like a delicate flower that needed protection and start looking at me like Danny looked at Lily; desirable.

"Yeah, sure," spilled from me.

"Oh, that's my girl." Kyle slung an arm around me as he held up a shot.

I didn't even ask what it was; I just downed it. It burned my throat, causing my head to shake uncontrollably from side to side as my body tried desperately to discharge the liquid. Somehow I swallowed it and panted heavily, hoping the air would take the taste away.

"This will help." Kyle laughed as he held up a beer.

I took a swig; it shocked me how welcoming the taste was. I usually hated the taste of beer, but I was chugging it to get the taste of the shot out of my mouth.

"Look who came to play." Sarah was next to me, bumping our hips together. "I didn't know you had a wild side."

I just smiled and grabbed another beer, unwilling to admit the root of my wild side was something as pathetic as boys. I felt nothing except for slight nausea from the shot. The beer seemed to help with that.

"What's going on?" Danny accused as he pulled Kyle away from my side. In a low snarl to me, he sniped, "I didn't think you drank."

I just shrugged and leaned into him, feeling his body soften to mine. I could kiss him and blame the alcohol, pretend I wasn't in control. It would be easy, but it would be wrong. I was in control, and I knew what I was doing.

"Are you someone that should judge me for drinking?" My eyes flickered to the depleted bottle of tequila in his hands. "I'm pretty sure you aren't supposed to mix that with your anxiety medication."

"I have plenty of practice." His words started with the spit of anger, but softened as he inspected me closer. "You okay?" Worry filled his expression but mixed with a fire of focus, causing blazes up and down my spine.

"I'm great." I managed a conquering smile as the sparkle of his eyes tarnished with worry. I didn't care; I was just happy to have his attention, even if it was worry.

"Come on; Sean is in the living room." Sarah grabbed my hand and pulled me away from Danny's side.

As I trailed after her, Danny's gaze trailed after us, watching as we plopped down on the couch with Conner and Sean. Conner coolly dismissed me and continued the conversation he was having with a few guys hanging around. Kyle happily brought me a third beer as soon as the second was empty. As the minutes ticked away, I only caught glimpses of Danny through the crowd, but he would snap his away quickly when our gazes met. I kept thinking I'd get up and talk to him, but I was too comfortable on the couch, and he was not giving me a welcoming vibe.

It was apparent when Conner turned his attention to me. Not just because Sarah and Sean kept stealing glances at him. His gaze burned into the back of my neck. I tried to play it cool and finish the conversation, but I was dying to meet his eyes. Finally, Sarah wrapped up her story. I laughed along with the group and then casually looked over my shoulder at Conner, meeting his glance. Instinctively, I shifted my weight to lean closer to him.

"Hey," I evened my tone, deliberately letting it blend with the party, forcing him to lean into me. Instead, he sighed and leaned back on the couch.

"Your drunk," he sighed. 

"Isn't that the point," I giggled. 

"See that girl?" His stare twitched across the room.

I followed the direction. Danny was talking to a group of people, including a dark-haired girl that I knew Conner was focusing on, Lily. I just looked back at Conner, pushing the image from my mind. It was enough of an acknowledgment.

"Danny banged her last night." His words hit with the force of a slap, as was his intent.

"He's happy," I consoled myself, but Conner could hear the tone.

"Still feeling friendly?" He was taunting me.

I couldn't understand why he was so cruel. The thought made the room twist around me as my head fell to my hand. "That's just..." I couldn't find my words; instead, the dizziness took over.

"Easy there," Conner was calm, but his hands were strong around me. "Come on; you need some fresh air."

He mostly carried me outside.

"Drink much?" he leaned me against a car, his 4-Runner, for support.

"Never." I rubbed my forehead, hoping it would help, but it just seemed to make me foggier.

"You need water." He stuck a cigarette between his lips and opened the door to rummage around to procure a bottle of water.

Even warm, it tasted terrific, especially compared to the beer. It was easy for me to recall why I didn't drink.

"Water is so good," I commented to myself.

Conner let out a stifled laugh. "Maybe you should stick to water going forward."

He lifted me to sit on the hood like I was a small child. The cigarette hypnotized me, bobbing between his lips as he spoke. He took a couple of paces away and lit it up.

"So, you aren't completely down with this 'just friends' thing?"

"Is that what you want?" I didn't need to ask; I knew the answer from the way he asked.

"I wouldn't say I wanted, but it's what I expected."

"Do you think Danny is mad I'm here? He has barely said a word to me."

"Yeah, I noticed that too. He's been watching you." Conner was absent as he spoke.

I could feel his distance as his mind drifted elsewhere.

"Do you think he likes me?" I couldn't resist the chance to ask.

"Yeah," Conner was scanning me now, reading the conversation on my face.

"Danny loves you." I didn't know why I said it, but it was genuine and allowed me to escape my relationship with Danny for a few moments.

I just couldn't think about Danny and me anymore, let alone talk about him, especially with Conner. When you are young, love is always one of two types: your family or hormonal. So, why was Danny putting me in the friend zone so quickly?

"It has gotta be me," I didn't realize I had spoken out loud.

When I looked up, I caught Conner still studying me. He shifted; that was his tell. When he wouldn't say his honest thoughts, he adjusted his weight.

"Hey," he was gentle, reaching for me. "I'm sorry. Are you hungry? I'm hungry."

"I could eat." I captured his full attention as he opened the door and watched me slide into the seat. His focus was neither easy like Sean's nor was it exciting like Danny's. Conner's focus was like a heavy blanket that surrounded and protected but also caused heat from deep within me.

"Denny's okay? It's not 4-stars, but it's open." He didn't wait for an answer; he just shut the door.