"I still don't get why I have to come..." I whine

"Well if you didn't we would have a very small chance to come out of this mission alive. I may live to serve God but I rather not die if possible" Xenovia reminds me

"Yes, I know why I came. I was whining because I didn't want to go." I  point out

Irina gasps "Does that mean you want us to die?!"

"Well I really rather you two not die but I also don't want to waste my time here. Maybe if this would have been a fun mission I would have been happier." I tell her

"You're acting like it's our fault that you're powerful." Xenovia says

I glance at her "Where did you get that idea?"

"Well I know you're way above Kokabiel or even lord Micheal in terms of power. And since we're weak you have to come to protect us." She explains

"How do you know that?" I ask surprised

"I've seen you two spar. He didn't look like he even stood a chance." She says "That's why when I retire from being an exorcist I want to make a baby with you."

"Huh?" I say dumbfounded

"I know I may not be worthy of your seed but it would be a honor if you gave me a child." She casually explains

"Xenovia! You shouldn't be talking to an angel like that!" Irina scolds

"Of he does give me a child I doubt he would deny you if you asked." Xenovia theorizes

"Right here..." I remind them

"So what do you have to say about what we've been talking about?" Xenovia asks

"I- Fuck you..." I say dejectedly

"See, he wouldn't mind!" Xenovia says excitedly

"Not what I meant..." I mumble

"W- Well if that's why you really want I'm in no position to deny an angel..." Irina says while blushing and pushing herself againts me

"Same here! We can do it right here if you really want to!" Xenovia exclaims pushing herself againts my other half

"We're not even at the church yet..." I whine

"So you want to wait until we're get there?" Xenovia asks

"Well that's good. Then I have time to mentally prepare myself." Irina says while breathing a sigh of relief

"Again, that's not what I meant by fuck you!" I yell

They look down sadly "Oh... that's too bad..." They both say at the same time

"Don't make those sad faces! You're making me feel like an asshole!" I complain. They start looking even sadder "Fine! Atleast wait until we're done with the mission!"

They perk up, pump their fist in the air, and start celebrating. Thet realise what their doing and clear their throats "That's good I guess." After about an hour more of walking we finally get to the church. We walk inside and the floor is covered in black feathers "I'm not cleaning this." I shout

Irina transforms her excalibur mimic into a broom "I got it!" She says excitedly while she starts to sweep

"While you do that Y/N and I will go take a bath. Have fun." Xenovia says as she throws off her clothes and drags me towards the bath

"H- Hey!" Irina throws down her excalibur and chases after us "If you take one without me now I'll be lonely when I take mine later! I'm coming too!"

We all get into the bath and sit in an awkward silence before Xenovia breaks it "The perfect mood is set. We can practice baby making now." Xenovia suggest

Me and Xenovia look at her gobsmacked. Irina shakes her head and takes a deep breath in "I- If it's okay with Y/N!"

"Nope!" I answer quickly

"We won't judge you by your size." Xenovia says trying to convince me

"That's not the issue here..." I deadpan

"Can we atleast see just to prepare ourselves?" Xenovia asks

"Oh look! Literally anything else!" I point out getting out of the bath. I start walking until Irina appears in front of me "W- What are you doing?" I ask concerned

She stares at me before grabbing my towel and trying to pull it off

"I've had enough of you're teasing! Take it off now!" She screams

Xenovia stares at us with a note pad out taking notes. Where did she even get that from?! "Oh my! How bold of you Irina!" She says impressed

"Xenovia! Control your partner!" I shout

"She's your partner too though!" Xenovia reminds me

"Do it Irina!" Xenovia encourages

"Don't encourage her!" I yell

"I got it!" Irina yells excitedly as she tears the towel off.

They both stare at me with wide eyes before blood shoots out of their noses and they fall to the ground unconcious.

"Oh crap!" I yell panicked. I was about to go help them but then I remembered something. "If I touch them I'll be accused of sexual assult for no reason and my voice actor carrer will be ruined by a bunch of scumbags!" I yell panicked. Better leave them be.
_______________________________________

"Thank you for agreeing to speak with us today, my name is Xenovia" Xenovia says calmly

"And I'm Irina Shidou!" Irina adds

"And I'm basically a superior version of god." I tell everyone making them look at me like I'm a complete idiot "What? God once got drunk, threw up all over me, and then proceeded to have her way with me." My pupils start to shrink from the memory as I start shaking "Never again... so many tentacles."

Rias Gremory stares at us for a couple seconds before speaking "It's odd to me that a couple of exorcist would like to meet with devils."

I raise my hand "I thought I made it pretty clear I'm not an exorcist."

I was ignored and Irina responds to her statement "It does seem weird, but here's the thing. There are six swords we can account for. Three of them are with the curch but the other three were stolen by fallen angels!"

The devils dramatically gasp at the same time at the revelation. "Are you sure about that?" Some brown haired fodder asks

Xenovia picks up her and strokes it "These are from the ones we have left. Their made from excalibur this wepon is mine. It's called the sword of destruction."

Irina points to the band on her arm "And this is the one I have here it's known as the holy sword of mimicry! Excalibur mimic!"

I summon my sword and show it to the devils

"This is the angel halo. It's made from 666 melted angel souls. It can either seal or kill things. Whatever I want to do at the time." I tell them

The brown haired fodder from before comments on my sword "Why does an exorcist have such an evil sword?"

I sigh "I said twice that I'm not an exorcist!"

Rias narrows her eyes and stares at me "What are you then?"

"Half-angel half-human." I yell proudly

The girl with the orange bow perks up at the revelation but Rias starts to talk again "Well, what would you like us to do about it?"

"Stay out of it this is-" I cut Xenovia off

"Would it really matter if they did join the fallen angels? They're all fodder anyway. I could beat them with a sneeze!" I brag

"What kind of weird training teaches you to beat people by sneezing?" Irina asks

"Hey! Who do you think you are calling us weak?! I bet I can kick all of your asses!" The brown haired boy yells

Rias glances at him before looking at Xenovia "Were you about to accuse us of something?"

"It's common sense. We know that for devils a holy sword is a detestable thing. Wouldn't it make more sense for you to support the fallen angels?" Xenovia reasons "If you try anything we will have no choice but to completely annihilate you. Even if you are Lucifer's sister."

Rias' eye twitches and she sends us a sweet smile "If you already have me all figured out let me share something with you. I wouldn't even think of joining the fallen angels. I wouldn't do anything to besmirch the house of Gremory or my brother."

"Like whining about an arranged marriage and making a weak pawn save you? Or letting people die so you can get some more power? These are just examples of course." I clarify

"What do you mean by that halfbreed?" Rias asks angrily

"Well I doubt you just happened to be taking a midnight stroll the exact night the holy sword project ended and happened to come across the only survivor. Or you happened to come across a shrine being attacked by fallen angels at a convient time to defeat them and save the thunder priestess. Or have your brother drive a race nearly to extinction for no reason other than some bullshit evidence. Or knowing a fallen angel is going on a date with someone to kill them and waiting to said boy dies to swoop in and make them your pawn." I say with a shrug

Everyone looks at me in silence before the brown haired boy stands up, summons his sacred gear, and points it at me "Who do you think you are exposing our president's wrongdoings like that?" He yells

I was going to respond but Xenovia stands up and walk to blonde bishop girl "Aren't you Asia Argento?" She asks with a glare

"Uh... yes?" Asia answers confused

"It makes sense I would run into a witch at a place like this." Xenovia spits

Asia's eyes widen in shock while Irina steps forward "Oh my God! It is you! You're the former saint that became a witch! I heard you were banished for having the power to heal fallen angels and devils, you actually used it too! You must be pretty strong! I didn't know you'd actually become a devil yourself" Irina chirps

Asia's grip tightens on her skirt "Well I- I guess so..." She stutters

"Are you okay?" The brown hair fodder asks

Xenovia answers for Asia "Of course she's not okay. She went from being a saint to being a devil. That's about as far as one can fall."

The boy gets pushed to the edge "That's enough!" He screeches "Why don't you take that crap and get outta here?!"

"Dude, you're not helping..." The silver haired neko helpfully points out

"Do you still believe in our God Asia?" Xenovia asks while walking towards her

"Don't be silly! She's a devil. She's over us." Irina answers

"No, that doesn't mean what you think it does. There are those whose hearts still believe even after their own selfish betrayl." She tells us "She may be one of them."

Irina's eyes brighten "Really? Is it true Asia? Do you still believe in God, even though you're a devil?"

Asia starts to cry "Yes, I've never been able to let go. I've still believed in god this whole time."

Xenovia takes her sword out "Then you should should allow us to execute you this instant. Even though you sinned in the worse way possible if you sacrifice your soul to him he will forgive you."

I raise my hand once again "I'll say this again but God isn't a guy. And she has a name you know! And to be honest even if you did give her your soul I don't think she would give shit. She's probably getting drunk or hating on something right now anyway."

Xenovia ignores me and continues to talk "Let yourself be convicted by my hand. God will save you."

The brown haired boy was about to charge at Xenovia but I appear in front of him and point the angel halo at his neck but Rias crosses her arms and stands up "Would you mind stopping there? There is no need to be shaming my servant here in that way."

Xenovia looks at Rias with a cocky smirk on her face "I wasn't shaming her senselessly. As one of God's servants it is my duty to help rewcue her soul."

The boy jumps up and growls "Issei no!" Rias yells

"Stop!" The girl with the orange bow shouts

I sigh as I slice the sword through his head sealing his power and physical form into that of a baby. Rias charges up some magic and launches it at me so I blitz her and stick my sword through her stomach slowly sapping her energy. "If you or you're servants try something like that again I'll be sure not to go for the seal." I pull the sword out and Rias turns into a child. "C'mon guys let's go. Don't worry about Asia. If she won't cockblock Issei who will?" I turn to Rias "You guys should be back to normal within a few days. We'll be taking our leave now." I walk out the door with Irina and Xenovia close behind me