Chapter 9

It takes hours to get Fiona into the house. Hours. It doesn't help that both Kelly and Bogdan are in earshot of her cries, neither of them coming to her rescue. Eventually we make our way into the apartment and I coerce her into bed, assuring her that this all will be sorted out by the time she wakes.

"H-he doesn't remember me," she whimpers. "And he never w-will."

Tears stream down her face. Every word is a wheeze all on its own. She's defeated and broken. I cuddle next to her and stroke her arm. It may not be the touch she wants right now, but at least it's a human touch – one filled with enough warmth and emotion to not push me away.

"He loves you," I whisper. "Even if he doesn't remember it right now, he'll learn to love you again."

As soon as I let my words spill into the saddened air, I know they're the wrong ones to say. It's forbidden for a vampire and a human to be together. Not only is it illegal, but also it's actually so abhorred that people who choose to live a life with a vampire are shunned from human society.

Forever.

Even if it wasn't, Fiona's now a part of a movement to rid the world of vampires. Being with Kelly isn't just against the rules now; it's against her moral compass as well.

"I'm sorry," I quickly say afterwards. "I don't know what I'm saying."

Fiona sniffles and squeezes her eyes shut. "Finn. I know you're trying, but I just need to be left alone for a while."

"You sure you don't want me to stay?"

She shakes her head. "I just want some time to process t-this. Please. Just go."

I nod and kiss her on the forehead before slipping out of bed – a bed whose sheets still hold the remnants of Kelly's shampoo and body wash within its fibers. I readjust the covers around Fiona's trembling shoulders. She sucks in a staggered breath and cowers.

I want to tell her how sorry I am, but I'm so out of sorts that I'm worried my words won't come out right. Instead I stand by the door for a few lingering minutes, listening to her shallow and jagged breaths as the last slivers of sunlight slip below the horizon.

When I close her bedroom door behind me, an unbearable weight of guilt and sadness comes to rest on my shoulders. Even if it wasn't me who turned Kelly, I'll be the one to blame for it. I was the one who left him behind, after all, and I don't know if Fiona will ever be able to see past that.

"...hungry. It's unbearable."

Kelly's voice gives me pause at the end of the hallway. He sounds the same but different somehow. It's like his voice is richer than it was before, a velvet coating layered over it.

"That'll go away," Bogdan replies after a pause. "Eventually."

Another stretch of silence. I lean against the wall, careful not to make a noise and remain out of sight while the two of them continue their conversation.

"I want blood," Kelly hisses. "And to fight. And have sex. And run. All at the same time."

Bogdan chuckles. It's the first time I've heard it. It's a gravely and throaty sound, and my stomach flip-flops with a desire to hear it again and again.

"All normal," Bogdan reassures him. "But all will pass. Except, perhaps, the bloodlust. That takes centuries to dissolve."

The last thing I should be thinking right now is Bogdan's journey after becoming a vampire. Yet all my thoughts start spinning around Bogdan being in this position many, many years ago. At one time he felt like Kelly feels now. At one time he was hungry for blood, hungry for violence...hungry for sex.

I swallow hard against my dry throat. Did he quench all of those? Or did he have a vampire acquaintance to help him get past it? A twinge of hated jealousy coils my emotions, imagining him indulging in all of his sexual urges.

"Finn?"

I flinch at the sound of my name, even more so hearing it from Bogdan's lips. I push away from the wall and take slow, measured steps until my toes reach the edge of the living room carpet. Bogdan and Kelly both glance up at me from opposite ends of the couch – both dangerously beautiful and beautifully dangerous. Kelly's nostrils flare, and his lips tighten while he eyes me from head to toe.

I've never been scared of Kelly a day in my life. For as long as I can remember, being in his presence has given me nothing but reassurance and security. Now, staring into his blood-red eyes, I feel the years of confidence slipping away in only seconds.

Bogdan stands from the couch and takes a hesitant step towards me. My heart quickens watching him approach me. Has it really been only days since I last saw him?

It feels like an eternity.

His features are pointed and harsh, each one a haunting reminder of the man he used to be. I've never seen someone so beautiful in my life, and I have a sinking suspicion I never will. I suck my bottom lip into my mouth and lean against the living room doorway for support.

When Bogdan is only a foot away from me, I barely have the courage to meet his gaze. His muddy red eyes travel over my face, his expression giving nothing away.

"How is she?" he finally asks.

I'm not sure he cares to hear the answer, but the question itself surprises me. Vampires are hardly in touch with their emotions. Maybe the talk I had with Bogdan when he dropped me off had more of an impact than I thought.

"Not well," I answer truthfully. "I'm not sure how she'll feel when she wakes up, but..."

My voice trails off and I tip my head to the side to peek at Kelly over Bogdan's shoulder. Suddenly the idea of discussing any of this in front of my former best friend feels wrong. I chew on my bottom lip, and Bogdan's eyes narrow in on the action. He watches me nibble on the supple flesh, and my stomach tightens wondering what it would feel like if my lip was being nibbled by him instead.

"Can we step into another room to talk about this?" I whisper.

Bogdan sighs as if the request is ridiculous. He turns away from me and reaches into his coat pocket to retrieve a small bag of blood. I grimace as he hands it over to Kelly.

"I won't be long," Bogdan assures him. "But if the hunger gets too strong while I'm away, drink this. It will tide you over."

Kelly studies the bag before glancing at me again. I silently wonder if I'm the first human he's been around since he's been changed. Professor Adams taught us that when a vampire changes, he is still adjusting to a lack of human emotions and an overwhelming surge of natural instincts – in other words, a very dangerous time to be around an immortal.

I spin on my wheels and walk to the bathroom. It's not exactly a convenient place to talk, but Kelly's apartment doesn't have many options. Bogdan follows only a few steps behind me, and when we're both in the small confines of the bathroom, I close the door behind us.

Bogdan's wide shoulders and immense height look comical in here. Now he's only inches away from me, and I shove my back against the towel rack as hard as I can to keep distance between us. He might not have any trouble keeping his hands off of me, but I can't claim the same level of self-control.

"Thanks for coming in here," I say, swallowing hard. "I know it's probably not the best time to leave Kelly alone, but it felt weird talking about all this in front of him. Especially when he has no recollection of it."

Bogdan blinks, unfazed.

"Right. So, as I was saying, Fiona didn't take the news well. Obviously. And I'm not sure if you knew this, but she's part of all of this."

I wave my hand around the room to signify the Revolution, hoping he'll understand my train of thought.

"Now that Kelly's been changed, I'm not sure how she'll feel – about any of it. I'm not sure what she'll want to do or how to move on. So maybe... maybe it would be smart if you took Kelly back to Vamp Land. Just until we figure out the plan."

Bogdan snorts and shakes his head. "There is no plan, human. Once I take your friend from his home, he will never be returning."

My eyes widen. "Like hell!"

"If she is anything like him, your friend will try to cut his heart out and use it against me and any other vampire she can get her hands on."

My indignation swells, and I lean forward, suddenly irritated. "Don't act like you know them, because you don't. Not either of them."

Bogdan's red eyes turn to slits and leans forward as well. I try to ignore the potency of his heady scent, focusing on my anger while he speaks.

"What I do know," he argues, "is that by the time I reached your friend Kelly, he was minutes away from death."

Bogdan pauses, letting this news sink in.

"She was sucking his blood, allowing her venom into his veins while doing so. When I finally pulled her away, I asked him what his choice was. He told me he wanted to die."

My lips part in disbelief. I knew Kelly wasn't a fan of his role of consort, but I had no idea he hated vampires so much. Hell, I never knew Fiona did either.

"If his hatred for immortals is any indication of hers," Bogdan whispers, nodding his head to Fiona's bedroom next to us. "She will attempt to kill the both of us without hesitation."

"But she loves him..."

"She'll get over it."

"You can't take him away," I argue.

"On the contrary, human. I can't leave him here. He no longer belongs in your world. I gave you my word I would bring him back, but I never promised to keep him here. He needs to come back with me – both for your safety and for his."

I blink slowly, shaking my head from side to side. "Why did you allow the change to happen? Why didn't you let him die?"

Bogdan's quiet for a long moment. Then he gets close to me, so close I can feel every word that falls from his lips caress the small space of air between us. He reaches down to grab my hand, pulling it to his face. The warmth of my fingertips brush against the harsh plans of his cheekbone.

"This is death - one he'll have to life with forever," my vampire answers. "It was the death of his human body, the death of his memories, and the death of his emotions. I did let him die, human. He just doesn't know it yet."