" And even though it kills me

That you have to go

I know it'll be sadder

If you never hit the road "

- Farewell, Rihanna

☀

tassel

"AROHI WHAT?" SILAS SHOUTED. 

She left this school? Just like that? And why on Earth did she tell that to Lance and not me?

"Yeah she did. She told me last night that it happened really suddenly," Lance explains. 

More than angry, I feel dejected. Why did she contact Lance and not me, when I was the one pestering her with all those texts? 

"Did she text to your number?" I ask Lance.

"No," he nods. "We spoke on Insta."

Instagram. For once, I regret not being on that cursed app. I'm not on Instagram, or any form of social media for that matter. If Inkpad counts, then the count increases to one.

But if she could speak on Instagram, then why not just text me?

"Can I have your phone? I need to talk to her," I plainly order Lance. He hands it over and I immediately log into his Instagram account with the password he says. I don't know Arohi's username, but her profile picture is displayed in the last message of Lance's DMs. I click on it and read all the texts that went back and forth between them. 

Arohi's texts seem hurried. She used way more short forms than she normally does, and didn't beat around the bush even once. When I finally see the reason why she left, my eyes immediately dart towards Silas. He looks eager. To know something, anything.

"You guys got caught?" I ask him. Silas looks away but turns back to me again. "Yes," he agrees, his voice substantially lowering.

"Fuck," is all I can say.

Arohi's parents are probably one of the most extreme couples I've seen. I've heard about Indian parents being more strict than American ones, but hers take it to a whole new level. They're amazingly nice people when they need to be, but if anyone does something against their choice, they're as good as dead. Once in middle school, Arohi's mother started to hit her in front of everybody just because she got a B grade. She went as far as taking my answer paper and comparing it with hers. Even the teacher didn't know how to control her.

I want to call Arohi really bad, but it's obviously not going to be good for her. Not expecting an immediate reply, I DM her.

How are your parents taking it? And why are you not replying to my texts? Are you ok? 

- Tassel

I give back the phone to Lance, making him promise that if Arohi replies he'll not forget to show it to me as soon as he can.

I'm honestly feeling scared for her right now. I don't want her to do anything out of impulse. When I look at Silas, I clearly see regret drawing lines on his face.

"Don't worry," Lance says with a warm smile. He squeezes my shoulders reassuringly. 

I smile a little. "I'll try."

The bell rings. 

Lance tells me he's leaving, and he takes Silas along with him. I watch them trying to have a conversation as they go.

My mind is still not at ease. It is at these moments, I feel like I truly need a cell phone. There is pretty much no other way I can contact her right now. 

My thoughts are interrupted by a girl who bumps into me. She apologizes hastily and takes off once more.

Letting out a small sigh, I take my Chemistry book from the locker. Going to my classes is the only thing I can do right now. I lock it back and when I turn around to leave, I'm greeted by the usual analyzing stare of Mrs. Lowry.

"Miss Pager, let's have a talk after class today. Meet me in the staff room," she says, sounding rather serious.

"Okay," I say. Mrs. Lowry gives a look that tells me to not forget about the appointment and then goes off. My mind immediately starts to search for some messed up thing I did in her class. But then I relax again. She's asked it me to meet her a lot of times before this. In each case, it included her giving me extra assignments or reading work.

Mrs. Lowry likes me. I can tell that easily. She does not dote over other students like she does over me. Maybe it's because I'm one of the few students paying attention to her class, or because I almost always pull an 8 or 9 out of 10 in short story writing. In the end, she likes me, which is good for me.

But her tone sounded a tad bit grave for something so insignificant as giving out notes. My gut tells me it's something related to Arohi.

Trying not to overthink about her situation, I head for Chemistry.

|| ~~~~~ ||

Time passes fast when you're having fun. But time also passes fast when you're worried and overthinking. 

English period comes so fast, I suddenly can't decide if it's good or bad. I hope whatever Mrs. Lowry has to talk to me about after class will include Arohi's name. Not having any news feels more dreadful that getting bad news.

As always, Mrs. Lowry enters the classroom right on time. She asks us to hand out our summaries of When You Come by Maya Angelou. After she's taken almost all and finished scolding the students who haven't submitted theirs yet, she begins today's lesson.

I'm not fully able to pay attention. No matter how much I try to stop, made-up incidents of Arohi continue flying in my mind. In one, I see Arohi being abandoned by her parents and left on the street, bruises covering her skin.

I take in a deep breath.

It's so stupid that I'm getting worked up over a situation that has not happened anywhere else other than my goddamn imagination. There is no point in adding to my worries; it neither helps me nor Arohi. 

I release my breath.

I repeat this cycle a few more times until my head feels light enough to listen to Mrs. Lowry. I pick up a few things important for the rest of the class. 

As soon as the bell rings, my heartbeat starts racing more. Mrs. Lowry looks at a few students leave and then rests her gaze on mine. Come, she signals with her hands. I nod and get up from my seat. 

Following her through the corridor quietly, I walk into the staff room and close the door. I begin biting my lips, a nervous habit of mine. I bite it particularly hard and it starts to bleed. Sucking the steely taste of blood, I look at Mrs. Lowry.

"Ms. Pager, I'm afraid I have to change your partner for this debate. I think you know what happened to Ms. Narayan," she states, as if it's the most normal thing in the world. Your best friend left the school suddenly? Oh, no problem, I'll just change your partner then.

No, I say to myself. She does sound concerned. Listen to her, not your dejection.

"Yes, of course," I say, with barely detectable sarcasm. The last thing I need right now is a trip to the detention room for talking rudely with a teacher.

I take a deep breath, shallow enough for Mrs. Lowry to not notice. I don't want to be angry at her right now.

"I hope you co-operate, Ms. Pager," she says with a small smile. I return it. "Sure."

"Thank you. Your partner should be here within a few moments."

And within a few moments, the staff room door opens. I turn and see my partly useful lab assistant, Arashi, walk towards us.

"Mr. Murphy here -" Mrs. Lowry says to me, pointing at Arashi, "- Is going to be your new partner."

I nod, acknowledging. I turn towards Arashi and mouth a hello. He smiles awkwardly.

She tells us some other stuff, but I don't pay attention. I can't wait to leave this place and go to Lance.

"Thank you for your time both of you. You can leave now," Mrs. Lowry asserts. I get out as soon as she finishes her sentence, while Arashi comes at a slower pace.

As soon as we're both in the corridor, I look at him. "I'm sorry Arashi, but can we talk about this debate after lunch? I'm kind of in a hurry right now."

"Of course," he answers. "We can even talk tomorrow if you want."

I laugh, "The debate's tomorrow."

"No, it's not. Didn't you listen? She just said it's next week."

"Oh. Sorry," I sheepishly apologize. So that's what she was telling us that time.

"It's fine. You said you had to leave?"

"Oh yes. Bye and sorry again!"

I take off as soon as I finish. Arashi waves as I run across the place. The taste of blood appears once more, and I press the cut on my lip with my tongue to stop the bleeding.

Lance. I need to find Lance. Since it's lunch break, he should be somewhere he always eats, which is the school ground. He always eats his packed lunch there so he can join soccer practice as fast as he can. I carefully make my way through the students and out of the building.

When I reach the ground, my eyes scan for the short brown-haired boy I've come for. They spot him easily. He's sitting under a tree, eating while watching the rest of his teammates practice. I quickly run over to him.

"Did Arohi reply?" I ask him, panting slightly. He nods a yes. 

"Why didn't you come find me then, dumbass?" I ask, pissed. I smack him on his head, luckily for him, with only one by tenth of my strength.

"Sorry, I was hungry," he says, giving me his phone. I log into his Instagram account. There are multiple unread messages from Arohi.

I read through the texts. They are literal paragraphs, most of them starting and ending with Sorry Tas. They explain that she was arguing with Silas over the phone when they got caught. Her mother locked her in the bathroom for an hour so that Arohi could 'filter her mind from all these thoughts'. Romantic relationships are prohibited in her household.  A day later when her parents read every text Arohi and Silas exchanged, they became even more furious. Even if they've never actually had sex, Arohi and Silas sexted a lot for fun. And her parents were absolutely disgusted by that. So the most obvious next step for them was to remove their daughter from this school as soon as they can.

Can I call you? Tell me when to - I text her. As expected, I get no immediate response.

Lance asks me what happened exactly. Constantly tapping on the tree trunk, I explain him whatever I've understood from the messages, and he just sits there nodding and asking a few question in between, his voice filled with pitying shock. 

"That's fucking horrible," he says at the end.

I sit down next to him. "Yeah."

He offers me a sandwich. "What's inside?" I ask.

"Corned beef and guacamole," he replies. My stomach agrees to his offer.

As I keep eating, I remember Arohi. She'd have instantly steered clear of Lance's sandwiches. Eating beef is against her religion. Even if Arohi's not the most devoted person, she still tries to respect a major part of her religion.

"Your lip's bleeding," Lance tells, staring at it.

Before I take another bite of the sandwich, I lick the blood off and press my tongue on my lip once more. The excitement I had a few moments back slowly whizzes down. I feel myself numb a bit, and I wish it was from peace. But I know it's not. It's the mix of guilt and paint from ignorance and misery. All that I could've tried to do and all that I did not.

|| ~~~~~ ||

The bell rings for the last time today. Students around me immediately stand up and start to leave, happy to finally get out of here.

I walk to lockers where I find Kim as usual. I tell her everything as precisely as possible because my Dad doesn't like to wait for too long. Before she can ask anything else, I tell her that we'll talk tomorrow and leave the place.

Dad is at his usual parking spot. He smiles when his eyes find me. Grinning, I walk to the car.

Dad starts to sing mindlessly as soon as we leave the campus. I laugh at him half-heartedly, and then look outside the window for the rest of the time. I never seemed to have noticed Lexington as much as today. Were there always so many trees on the sidewalks?

Finally, I decide to speak to my father. "Dad, Arohi left the school."

"Your Indian friend who often sent us Biryani?" he asks.

"Yeah," I reply.

"Why?"

"I don't know."

I can't tell my parents the truth. They'll criticize Arohi and her parents, and that's the last thing I want to hear right now. "Can I call her tonight? Or at least pick up the when she calls on our number?"

Dad thinks for sometime. "Okay, but not for too long."

"Thanks," I say, smiling.

Mom doesn't like it when I chat with friends for too long. It, apparently, distracts me from my studies. She gives me half-an-hour a day at the max. But today, I hope Dad can convince her to let me get a call for a little longer.

We reach home in silence except for a the sound of a few other cars. It's normal at home too. While eating dinner, I reveal the news to Mom and she gets shocked for a few seconds after which she's completely back to normal, serving us a second round of mashed potatoes. I'm grateful there's not much tension at the table today. Dad cracks his usual dad jokes while me and Mom roll our eyes but still laugh at them.

It's when I almost get inside my room, the phone rings. "It's for you," Dad says, seeing the caller ID. I knew that before he said so.

I try my best to not run there. After making sure it's Arohi calling, I go to my room and pick it up.

"Heyyyy," she says, laughing. I'm taken aback at how broken her voice is. How much has she cried?

"Heyoooo," I drag. "Your parents are okay with you calling me?"

"They're not home."

There's a pause. 

"Girl, why?" I whine, making her laugh again.

She doesn't respond with words though.

"Talk, dumbass," I say. "Are we gonna make a conversation only through snorts?"

She laughs yet again.

That's the thing about our relationship. We make each other laugh a lot, even at the most inappropriate moments. I'm the kind of person who is not very open to human touch and has trouble showing people my love, so Arohi always gave me awkward hugs which I rarely ever reciprocated. But I try to make up for it by making people laugh at a time they needed to. Right now though, my words felt like awkward hugs I was sending virtually to Arohi.

"Will you ever come back?" I ask.

"No chance," she says, sounding hollow.

Pause. 

"Where did you join?"

"Cormer's."

"Portmouth's rival, huh?"

There's a sound of giggling.

"Yeah."

And as she says that, there's a crack in her voice. All of a sudden, she's wailing. It's like she's letting all her pain out as loudly as she can. I swallow every tear back in with all my will power. If I cry with her now, I feel like I won't stop until tomorrow. Arohi just keeps crying, while I maintain silence.

Her frequency decreases slowly. "I'm sorry," she says, her loud voice a harsh mellow again. 

I swallow another round of tears. "Don't be."

She cries a little more. This time, a tear somehow slips down my face too.

"We'll talk everyday, don't worry." I try comforting her. My voice isn't as stable as I want it to be.

"Yeah, we will."

"If you ever need to cry to someone for a second round, call me up again," I say. Jokes are the only thing that will keep my voice stable.

"I definitely will," Arohi laughs, sniffling in between. "Sorry, but I think I need to go. I think I heard my car pulling up in the driveway."

"Sure."

There's another one of those pauses.

Arohi stops sniffling. "Tas, you know what?"

"What?"

"I love you."

Silence.

"Say it, Tas."

"Yeah okay, I love you too."

The last thing I hear is Arohi's giggle before she cuts the call.

And with the end of the call, I press my face into my pillow and let go of my tears.